"Reality of a Guardian Angel" By: Phantom Writer
Legal Stuff: This material is not meant to be read by anyone under 18. If you're offended by literature with homosexual themes, step off! If not, read on. This is a work of FICTION. Therefore, the author makes no claims as to the sexual orientation of any member of *N Sync.
Side Note: This is part 2 of "Reality..." For those just starting to read this story, please read the previous installments of "Dream of a Guardian Angel" and "Reality of a Guardian Angel." As always, for anyone who would like to send comments or suggestions, please do so. (phantomwriter73@hotmail.com)
Special Thanks: Thanks to everyone for reading this story. And especially MY Boo, for helping me face my demons!
Previously...from "Reality of a Guardian Angel: A New Beginning"
"I'm afraid to ask how long the tour is." I sunk down in my chair.
"Then don't. There's no sense in getting all worked up over something that hasn't even happened yet. Who knows, it may not be as bad as you think." Lance grinned at me, and I knew he was up to something.
That evening, Justin dropped Lance and me off at Lance's and I helped Lance pack. I stopped several times and left the room. I didn't want Lance to see me upset. Deep down, I knew he knew I was upset, but I didn't want him to feel guilty about leaving me behind. I knew what I was getting into when I admitted to myself that I was head over hills in love with Lance.
And now, "Reality of a Guardian Angel: Coming to Grips"
I left Lance to finish packing. I surprised him by cooking some good ol' Southern Fried Chicken, Macaroni & Cheese, Green Beans with New Potatoes, and a Peach Cobbler. I had a sneaking suspicion Lance knew how to cook, but didn't let on. Justin's pantry and fridge sure as hell wasn't as well stocked as Lance's. So, by the time Lance had packed a HUGE suitcase full, he ran into the kitchen, obviously more than interested in what I had prepared for dinner.
After we ate, I cleaned the kitchen up and joined Lance in the den. I knew he was up to something from the shit eatin' grin on his face. I sat beside him and refused to look at him. I wasn't about to play twenty questions and try to figure out what he was up to, so I was a perfect PRICK.
"So, did you pack enough clothes in case the weather changes while your gone?" I thumbed through a magazine pretending not to notice his ear to ear grin.
"Yah, I guess. Hey..."
"When will you be back on Friday?" I cut him off before he could finish his last statement.
"I don't know the exact time we fly back, but I can call you when I find out. Hey..."
"So, will it be strange to be around..." This time Lance cut me off.
"Hold up. What's with the cold shoulder? I've got a present..."
"Ah-HA! I knew you had somethin' up your sleeve." I turned and smiled at Lance.
"What?" Lance was confused at the way I was acting.
"I saw you grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit and wasn't ABOUT to ask you what was goin' on, so I figured I'd make YOU spill the beans. Now, what'd you get me?" I pulled out my best five-year-old voice and started hopping up and down.
"I'm not gonna tell you now. You ruined the mood with your little 'I figured I'd make YOU spill the beans' attitude." Lance tried his best to pout, but I fixed that!
"Well, I have my ways of makin' people talk, you know." I knelt down between his legs and started rubbing his inner thigh, making my way to his crotch. From the bulge I felt, I would say I had altered his MOOD somewhat.
"Damn, I'll never be able to keep a secret from you!" Lance moaned and grabbed my face with both hands, pulling me to his lips. We kissed ever so gently.
"Damn straight, 'cause secrets have no place in OUR relationship. Keep that in mind while you're on the road." I was kidding, but then I wasn't.
"My heart belongs to you, and that's why I got you this gift." Lance held out a small box.
I slowly opened the box, half expecting some form of jewelry. But what was inside was better than diamonds or gold: a key to Lance's apartment. I looked at it for minutes, trying to hold back the tears. I had never been given a key to someone else's place before. That signified to me that Lance had nothing to hide and welcomed me without hesitation. Holding back the tears? Didn't happen. I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love and contentment.
"I...I don't know what to say!" I smiled through my tears, a little embarrassed over getting so emotional about a key to the front door.
"Just say you won't lose it; it's my only spare!" Lance grinned at me as I rolled my eyes at him.
"Good one, Boo."
Lance and I turned in for the night. Lance got completely undressed and climbed into bed. I sat on the edge of the bed as the tears started to fall. I had become addicted to the warmth of Lance beside me at night. I didn't know how I would manage when he was gone. This would only be the sixth night that Lance and I slept together, fifth if you don't count the night of the accident. And yet, sleeping next to Lance was like second nature. I found myself exasperated at the whole dependency aspect of my thoughts. I had always been so independent. Then again, I had forced that independence on myself by not coming out, and had developed a pattern of guarding myself from the world. Lance startled me when he kissed my neck.
"Jase, you wanna talk about it?" Lance knew I was upset about him leaving.
"Can you just...hold me...for awhile?" I spoke in between sniffs.
"Sure. And if you feel like talking, just talk, and I'll listen." Lance's deep voice was so soothing.
Lance held me for more than thirty minutes before I spoke. I had been listening to the steady beat of his heart as my head rested on his chest. I listened to the even sound of his breathing, and yet I knew he was awake. I collected my thoughts and began to speak.
"Lance, I've never had a relationship like this before. I've never felt connected to anyone in the way I'm connected to you. It's hard for me to admit, but I'm having difficulty dealing with this relationship." I knew I had FUCKED my world with my choice of words, or so I thought.
"Jason, tell me why you're having difficulty." Lance's voice wasn't angry. It was more loving than I had ever heard. I looked into his eyes as the tears started to flow.
"Lance, what I meant to say was, I'm having difficulty dealing with my own emotions our relationship is bringing to the surface. I've never been dependent on another person since I realized I was gay. Sure, my parents took care of me until I left for college, but I wasn't dependent on them emotionally. I was too afraid they would reject me if they knew the true me, the GAY me. So, I built a façade. I never let anyone see my pain, or know how much I wanted to scream to the world that I'M GAY, GET A GRIP, AND LET'S MOVE ON! That's why I tend to shut down when my emotions get out of control. I never had anyone I could talk to and work things out. Music was the only thing I had to keep from going crazy! That's why I desperately wanted my family to learn to accept me for who I am. That way, I could rebuild the relationship I had before I began hiding myself away. Friends I had for years turned their backs on me because I had been living a lie and wasn't honest with them about who I am. I know that now, but I can never get back what I've lost." I couldn't keep the sobs back anymore.
"Oh, Jase. I know how you feel. I..." Lance was shocked when I jumped up to my knees and knelt in the bed.
"God, I pray you NEVER know how I feel. Lance, because I was so afraid of the world rejecting me, I spent ten years, TEN YEARS of my life hiding behind the façade I had built. It took every thing I had inside to tell my family I'm gay. I hope you NEVER have to go through what I've been through. I won't LET you. I was almost dead inside until I met you and the guys. Can't you see, now that I have friends who accept me for me, I don't know where the REAL Jason begins, and the FAKE Jason ends. I'm just so confused. I don't know..." I couldn't continue. I didn't think I was making any sense and I didn't have the words to explain.
"Jason, listen to me. I can't imagine the pain you've experienced. And I'll never pretend to. It's just...I know about pretending to be something you're not. I did it for years, and I'm still doing it today. Honestly, I would've never told anyone I was gay when I did, not until I saw how accepting you and the guys were. So, I know about being scared and feeling alone. Just let me help you discover the real you. No matter what, just realize that I love you, and WE will help each other through the fear and confusion." Lance pulled me down beside him.
The moment Lance wrapped his arms and legs around me, I cried tears that came from so deep within, they stung my face with the intensity of emotion they conveyed. Lance held me so tight an atomic blast couldn't have separated us. I fell asleep as Lance continued to hold me and stoke my hair, never letting me see his own tears.
I was startled awake with an odd feeling I was being watched. Little did I know, Lance had gotten up early, dressed, and asked the guys to come by a little early so we could say good-bye in private. Airports had a tendency to result in weird circumstances when it came to the six of us. Between the MEN'S ROOM scene in Dallas, the whole tabloid crap in Orlando, and then my NOT boarding a doomed flight, I was not going to complain about not saying good-bye at the airport. However, like I said, I can be a BITCH in the morning.
"Look who's wakin' up! Isn't he just so adorable, all cuddled up in the blankets." Justin was baby talkin' and really puttin' on the drama.
"Blow it out your ass, Timberlake!" I pulled the blankets over my head and buried my face in the pillow.
"Damn, and I thought YOU got pissy in the mornings, Justin. Let me try. Jase, rise and shine, sleepy head!" JC was hammin' it up like Justin had.
"STEP OFF, Chasez!" I spoke into the pillow, but I knew JC heard me.
"Come on, this is how you wake someone up!" Chris said this as he grabbed the covers and pulled them to the floor. Lance had started to say 'Wait,' but Chris acted too quickly.
Needless to say, I was PISSED. I do NOT like to be FORCED out of bed, for any reason. I was so pissed, it never registered that I was stark naked and everyone in the room, including Lance, was bug-eyed with embarrassment. I stood ON the bed and held my hand out. Lance didn't even have to ask, and handed me a pair of boxers. I put them on right there in front of everyone. After I was 'dressed,' I glared at each one of them. Not a word was spoken by anyone.
"First, if any of you, including you Boo, ever, and I mean EVER pull the covers off of me when I'm in bed, you best be prepared to run for the hills, or FUCK the livin' daylights out of me!" I had gotten over being pissed once I saw the hilariously SHOCKED faces of everyone while I stood there naked. (Why is it that people are so afraid to look at a naked person? We're all born that way!) I grinned evilly and stepped down from the bed, walking past my bewildered friends.
I went to the kitchen and started a fresh pot of coffee. I needed my caffeine before I confronted the whole good-bye ordeal. Minutes later, Lance, JC, Justin, Joey and Chris emerged and looked at me as if I was a two-headed dragon or something. I poured myself a cup of coffee and took a sip.
"Now, good morning y'all." I looked at the group of still somewhat shocked faces and couldn't help but start giggling.
"Jase, babe, can we come closer, or should we let you finish your coffee first?" Lance wasn't really sure if I was pissed or what.
"WE can come closer, providing y'all wipe those stupid looks off your faces." Everyone relaxed and eventually began to laugh at the whole ordeal.
"Hey, Jase. I'm sorry about the covers 'thang' in the bedroom. I never..." I cut Chris off before he could finish.
"Boyfriend, PLEASE. We all know you've been scopin' out my ass. I'm just sorry RED had to witness your moment of uncontrolled lust!" I spoke matter-of-factly. Everyone but Chris laughed.
"I guess I deserved that. But seriously, I'm sorry." Chris truly was concerned that he had offended me.
"CK, come here." Chris looked at me, trying to judge my intentions.
"O...K."
"Now, let me fill you in on a little secret. There're only two things you need to know to keep yourself off my Shit List. One, don't force me out of bed. You can jump on me, or do what ever. Just let me get out on my own terms. And two, if you fuck up and get on my Shit List, all you have to do is give me a hug and say you won't make the same mistake AGAIN!" I smiled at Chris as my words registered. He relaxed and gave me a hug.
"I'm sorry." Chris whispered into my ear.
"HEY, what's with me not gettin' a hug this morning?" Lance was pouting.
"Well, if you had stayed in bed instead of lettin' these knit-wits in, you probably would have gotten a HELL of a lot more than a HUG!" I walked over to Lance, hugged him, cupping his ass with my hands and then kissed him passionately.
"Hey guys, I hate to cut this short, but we've got a plane to catch." Joey walked over and grabbed me by the shoulders. After Lance and I finished kissing, Joey spun me around into a warm embrace. "You know, I'm gonna miss your damn remarks while we're gone. Just promise to save the good ones until we get back."
"I don't know why I should bother. You never get them anyway!" I smiled at Joey as he grinned and released me.
"I know we'll be back Friday, but I guess I'm gonna miss your smart ass too!" Chris hugged me quickly as he and Joey moved toward the door.
"Hey you, we'll call you on your cell when we know the exact time we're comin' back. And don't plan anything for when we get back. My mom should be in Friday as well and I want her to meet you, OK!" Justin said this while he hugged me.
"Jase, we'll be back before you know it." JC hugged me and then looked into my eyes. The tears were already forming.
"Hon, I'll call you tonight when we get settled in. And promise me you'll call me if you need to, no matter what time it is." Lance held in his tears as he hugged and kissed me good-bye. (To think we were all so emotional, and they would be back in four days. DRAMA!)
As Lance released me, he turned and headed for the door, never letting me see his tears. He picked up his suitcase and walked toward the waiting limo. JC and Justin were close behind Lance until I stopped them. They both looked at me with concern.
"Guys, don't let Lance get worried about me. I don't want to cause any problems with your work. Make sure to keep him on an even keel, OK?" I looked at both JC and Justin intensely. All they could do was nod and walk away. I waved and shut the door. I sighed heavily, and decided to call Leslie.
Leslie and I talked for about an hour, and I decided I should actually make my way back to Dallas sooner, rather than later. So, I called the airline, reserved a seat on the next flight to Dallas, and got dressed and ready to leave. Since I had never reclaimed my duffel bag from Lance's now deceased 4-Runner, I didn't really have to pack. I grabbed my cell phone and was off once the taxi arrived.
My flight left about two hours after the guys had flown out, so I decided to call Lance after I arrived in Dallas. Once I was off the plane, I grabbed a taxi and headed to my downtown loft. I called Lance's cell phone and was shocked to hear an answer without even a full ring on the other end.
"Hello!"
"Damn, you expectin' a call, or what?" I started laughing at how anxious Lance's voice sounded.
"Thank God. I called the apartment and didn't get an answer. And I think I wrote your cell phone number down wrong. I keep gettin' some bitch with a REAL attitude problem. So, where are you?" Lance was freaking out a little.
"Dallas." I waited for a response.
"D...Dallas?" Lance's voice was quite.
"Pull it out of your ass, Boo. I just decided to come to Dallas to say good-bye to Leslie in person and finish up some last minute business. I'll be back before y'all arrive. Besides, I have some things here in Dallas that I want to take to Orlando." I was starting to feel bad about not telling Lance I had left before I did.
"Well, as long as you're back in Orlando when I get there, I'm cool. But what's so important in Dallas that you couldn't have a moving company pack for you?" Lance was speaking in his normal tone of voice now; no worry could be detected.
"My music, for one. And I have a couple of things I want to keep and show y'all once we're all together again." I sighed as the taxi pulled up in front of my building. "Boo. I'm gonna let you go. I'm at my loft and the signal won't carry in the elevator. Hey, before you go, give Justin a kiss for me." I started laughing.
"Excuse me?" Lance was baffled.
"I said give Justin a kiss and say it's from me. Oh yeah, and call him SEXY KNICKERS. That ought to keep the five of you in laughter for a while. And don't think I won't know if you don't carry out this joke. Remember, I have Justin's cell phone number and I am not afraid to use it!" I was laughing hard, but suddenly stopped.
"What's wrong?" Lance was confused.
"No tongue, something simple. I don't want JC and you fightin' over a damn joke!" I started giggling.
"OK, but if World War III starts over this, It's not gonna be pretty!" Lance started giggling.
"Boo, I love you, and don't worry about me. We'll be together before you can say Miss on you Pister, You ain't so Muckin' Fuch, Go in your own Jack yard to Back off. Bye!" I heard a startled 'WHAT?' as I hung up. I knew that would entertain Lance for at least a day or two.
I rode the elevator to my floor and quickly entered my loft. It felt different, and yet so familiar. I started packing and getting ready to meet Leslie. We were going to our last Happy Hour together, at least for a while anyway.
I returned to my loft around 7:30 and decided to call Justin to see if Lance had carried out my wishes. After finally locating my cell phone, I scanned the memory until I found Justin's number.
"Hello?" Justin sounded tired.
"Hey SEXY KNICKERS, what's up?" I contained my laughter, even in my slightly intoxicated state.
"OH BOY, are you gonna get it when we get back to Orlando. You damn near caused JC to have a fuckin' heart attack. Luckily, I had told JC about our conversation when you came up with my nickname and had joked about callin' me SEXY KNICKERS in your dreams. If I hadn't, I think JC would have kicked Lance's ass. And if I were you, Jase..." Justin was cut off and I heard some rustling around in the background.
"YOUR ASS IS MINE, JASE!" JC wasn't really mad, or so I hoped.
"We'll see. You know you love me, J-say!" I started laughing, as did JC.
"You know, who would imagine you could still keep us all riled up when your thousands of miles away. You're something else, you know that?" JC's normal tone had returned.
"Baby, you're preachin' to the choir! NOW, go give Lance a kiss for me and you two make up. LISTEN, I said make UP, not make OUT! And NO tongue!" JC started laughing evilly and I realized I never should have started this little game.
"We'll see." JC handed the phone back to Justin.
"So, what's up with you? Are you...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?" JC had evidently done what I said and Justin was somewhere between shocked and pissed.
"Yo, Capt'n. Keep yourself in check. I just wanted to make peace over Lance kissin' you earlier. Besides, it's nothing but a damn kiss. They aren't gettin' married or anything!" I started giggling.
"You know what, you best be prepared for when we return. I don't know how and I don't know when, but WE are gonna get you for stirrin' this pot of shit up. And I mean WE. I've known Lance and JC long enough to say OUR revenge is gonna blow you away. Fair warning!" Justin started giggling to himself at the silliness of the entire ordeal.
"Well, if I remember right, you were the one that declared WAR over the little VODKA prank. I'm just keepin' a skirmish or two goin' until we can face off, one on one. Well, I gotta jet. My flight leaves Thursday afternoon, and I've got a ton of shit to get done before then. And Justin, keep an eye on Lance for me, OK?"
"I will, Jase. See ya soon!" Justin hung up.
I sat on my couch and started thinking about nothing and everything. Less than a week ago, I had been a different person. Now, I had five of the best friends I could have ever thought to have at this time in my life. Better yet, I had my soul mate. I decided to get busy packing to keep my mind off missing Lance. I found it funny, still, that I had connected to Lance so deeply in such a short time. I used to think love at first sight was only possible in dreams, but I was living the reality of it. I was staring to come to grips with the new life I so desperately needed, and luckily had found.
TBC...
How will Jase handle the separation? What about Justin's mom; will Jase tell her he's gay? Will JUSTIN?