Tim and the Guys
Tim and the Guys
Timmead88@yahoo.com
Chapter 13
The following fictional narrative involves sexually-explicit erotic events between men. If you shouldn't be reading this, please move on.
In the world of this story, the characters don't always use condoms. In the real world, you should care enough about yourself and others to always practice safe sex.
The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent.
Once again Patrick has been most helpful with this chapter. Thanks, cariad. Thanks also to the wonderful Tom W for doing the editing chores, and to the rest of my Nifty Six colleagues.
>From chapter 12:
"Hot damn, Rick! You're not only the sexiest little dude I know, but you're smart, too. I might even get to like you."
He grinned as he stuck his finger into my crack. "And what would I have to do to help you like me?"
Chapter 13
NED:
My hard cock was sticking out the fly of my boxers, and Rick's equally large, equally hard tool was poking up out of the top of those sexy black bikini briefs.
I looked into his smoldering black eyes and said, "Let's naked and see if we can figure something out." A moment later we stood there, stripped bare, facing each other, pricks at attention. I pulled him to me and kissed him. Or, more accurately, we kissed each other, long, hard, loose, wet, sloppy, and hungry. The little hunk had always managed to make me crazy with desire. It wasn't so much that he tried. He just couldn't help it. He put his finger back in my cleavage and ran it up and down.
"Hey, li'l stud, if you're so interested in what's back there, why don't you just go exploring?"
He licked my right nipple and then said, "Hit the bed, Ned!"
"Face up or down?"
"Down, for now."
I got onto his bed with my rump in the air and my face in a pillow. Nanoseconds later I felt his tongue on my pucker. I don't know why, but my first reaction to that had always been to giggle. I'd been doing that ever since he first rimmed me years ago at Cranmer. So I giggled and began to crawl away. Not because it was unpleasant, but because it was a sort of instinctive reaction.
Rick grabbed me by the hips and pulled me back to where I had been. Then he began his lingual onslaught once more. This time I relaxed and started to purr.
"Like that, do you, Ned?"
"You know I do, stud."
Rick was a master at what he was doing. By the time he had his tongue so far up my chute I thought he might hit my prostate, I was thrashing around wildly. "Okay, okay! I'm ready already! Fuck me, Rick!"
He leaned over me to get the lube off the bedside table and then began to slick up his cock, which, though I couldn't see it, I knew was wet with his precum. Then he reached around to grab my nipples, which he squeezed hard enough to make me groan.
"You sure you're ready, Neddy?"
"Look, little man, shit or get off the pot. If you aren't going to fuck me in the next thirty seconds, I'm going to fuck the daylights out of you."
He gave an evil chuckle. "Promises, promises! You don't look very much like a dominant top right now, my friend. Tell me how much you want my fat Italian cock up your ass."
"You wish!" I rolled over and in doing so spilled him not only off of me but onto the floor.
"What the fuck?" he said, laughing.
"You better not mess with me, Modarelli, when I'm in heat." I picked him up, put him face down on the bed, pulled his ass up, and began smearing WET on it.
"I love it when you get masterful," he said.
"Such a hot little bitch! I'll bet you planned this all along."
"You'll never know, will you?"
I lubed up my cock, which was purple and drooling constantly by that point. Ignoring the empty feeling in my ass, I put my cockhead against his dark rosebud and slid it up and down.
"Oooh, you brute. Have your wicked way with me, please!"
I decided to give him what he wanted. I didn't go in slowly. I slammed into him until my pubes were against his pretty little hairy butt. He just sort of deflated as I entered him.
"Ooooof!"
"Yeah. Not much room in there now, is there, Modarelli? You'll learn to be a pricktease."
"Okay, Ned. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again." He held out his right hand to show that his fingers were crossed.
"Fasten your seat belt, boy. It's going to be a bumpy ride."
I used no finesse. There was no slow easing in and out, no gentle long-dicking the way we often loved to do with each other. I was so hot I just fucked him as fast and hard as I could. He was growling and gripping the sheets with both hands by the time I erupted into his tight, slick tube. After my cock quit spasming, I collapsed on top of him and began sucking on the side of his throat.
"Oh, sure. You think you're through, don't you, Branscomb? You just want to roll over and go to sleep, now that you've got your jollies. Well, that's just not going to happen."
He reached behind his own tush, grabbed my balls and squeezed. To get away from his grip, I rolled off of him. He got out of bed and grabbed the WET, which he began to smear on his cock.
"You just stay there with that pale butt in the air." He coated his fingers with lube and stuck a couple of them up my ass. Not tenderly, but abruptly. "Two can play at this game, stud!"
Soon he had me wanting more, and I told him so.
"Yeah? Maybe you'd better beg me."
"Come on, Rick. I know you haven't gotten off yet. Get in there, fill me with your fat cock, and let's both have some more fun!"
"Well, since you put it that way," he said, chuckling.
But he entered very slowly. Maddeningly slowly. I was amazed at his self-control. He had still not come, and he was long-dicking me at a glacial pace. My cock was hard again, and I could feel it throbbing between my belly and the sheets. This coupling seemed to last forever. I don't know how he managed to hold off as long as he did except out of sheer determination, stubbornness, maybe. His orgasm triggered meltdown for both of us. It was volcanic. When I felt Rick go off in me, I came again on the sheets, almost as much as I had inside him not all that long ago.
Later, after we had cleaned up and were lying side-by-side on our backs, he said, "You sleepy, Ned?"
"Not really."
"That was pretty good, wasn't it?"
"Oh, yeah!"
"It always is, isn't it?"
"It's always good, Rick, but that was special."
It was quiet for a while.
"Ned, you know I love you, don't you?
"Yeah, and you know I love you, too."
"But . . . ?"
"But what?"
"I just thought you were going to say something more."
"Well, maybe."
"So, what?"
"I'm not sure I should say it right now."
"Okay," he said. "Let's see if I can say it."
"Okay."
"What we have, what we've always had, is good, isn't it?"
"Damn straight."
He chuckled. "Not the best way to put it, perhaps, but I know what you mean."
"Rick, Rick, always the English prof."
"I resent that!" he grumbled, not really meaning it.
I was still thinking about where the conversation had started before it got off track. "Where were we, Rick?"
"Oh, yeah. What you and I have has always been good, hasn't it?"
"Yes, Rick, it sure has!" I hoped he wouldn't quibble over those words, and he didn't.
There was still no movement. We both lay there on our backs, staring at the darkened ceiling.
"You know, when they were together, I could sense what Tim and Cedric felt for each other. And I think maybe you and I can both feel the love Max has now for Tim. Right?"
He was right, and I said so.
"Do we have that, Ned? Is that spark there for us?"
Wow! That was putting it all out there. I was quiet for a few moments. "I don't think so, Ricky. As I said, I love you. I'll always love you. But I've always hoped that someday I'd find a guy who'd feel about me the way I think those guys feel about each other. The spark just isn't there between us, is it?"
He reached over and groped for my hand. "No, babe, I don't think it is. I'll say it again, I'll always love you. I'll be there for you. And I can't tell you how great our sex is. But I hope you find the guy who'll strike that spark in you."
I got up on one elbow and leaned down to kiss him. It was a long, tender kiss. When we parted, I said, "And I hope you'll find your electric guy, too."
"Until we find those perfect men, Neddie, we'll take care of each other, won't we?"
"You betcha, professor!"
The next morning we went to church and heard Max's sermon. After that, we had a quick lunch at Rick's place, following which I jumped into my rental and drove to Cleveland Hopkins International for the flight back to Indianapolis.
* * *
HOOK:
We had to work around family vacations. Many of the summer guys would be gone for a couple of weeks when their families traveled. Maury was gone the first two weeks in August. Paul and I didn't mind. We managed to "enjoy ourselves," you might say, without him.
On the Friday before Maury was due back, about the middle of August, I was lying on my back on a bale of straw. We'd learned it was more comfortable if we put a couple of burlap bags over the straw first. Paul really had me going. It was all I could do to keep from yelling at him to fuck me harder and deeper. He really knew how to make me feel good. Better than either Philip or Emerson, but then he'd fucked me lots more than either of the guys had back on campus.
After he had shot, he got rid of his rubber and then sucked me off. It didn't take long, since he already had me so hot. I sometimes wished he'd kiss me before or after we fucked, but he never seemed to want to do that. This time, after swallowing my jizz, he leaned over and kissed me. I could taste my cum.
I loved it that he kissed me. "What's the special occasion?" I asked, grinning at him.
"That's a farewell kiss, stud. This is my last day. I told your dad this morning that I have to go back to campus early."
"Damn! I'm gonna miss these fuck sessions, Paul. They've made this summer a whole new experience."
He grinned. "You really are a dick-slut, Ethan. But you've also turned into a talented bottom. So I've enjoyed it, too."
"Hey, it's not that far from the University to Oberlin. Think we might get together sometimes?"
"I don't think so. I've got other people to deal with. It's been great, Hook, but you'll just have to find someone else when you get back to campus. And a great-looking dude like you won't have any trouble finding guys to stick their tools up that sweet ass!" He slapped me on the butt and went back to work. He'd never told me I was great looking before.
We were both busy for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't hear any more from Paul after that. Maury was back to work on Monday for a week until he started his last year of high school. We managed to amuse each other almost every day. He thought it was cool that a nerdy kid like himself was fucking a college soon-to-be junior. He wasn't offensive about it or anything. I think it did good things for his self image. Since it was a great way to get my love-button massaged, I just let him enjoy himself.
* * *
DANTE:
When Jared turned eighteen in March, Steve let us use his apartment to celebrate by making love for the first time. And it was making love, not just sex between a couple of horny teens. I ceased to be a teen not long after that, when I had my twentieth birthday. Jared gave me a neck chain exactly like the one I had given him when he turned eighteen.
After his birthday, however, we had trouble finding a private place. We weren't comfortable doing it at either his parents' home or mine. Nurse Martin had told us kindly but firmly that the linen closet was off limits because too many of the staff suspected what we were doing in there. We persuaded our parents that we could share a small apartment for what we'd have paid to live in the dorms.
What we found we could afford really was small. The furniture was cheap, but it was clean and in good shape. The place had one bedroom, a bath, a living room with space for an eating table at one end, and a kitchen. Fortunately, the bedroom was big enough to hold one computer desk, and the living room would hold the other. It wasn't exactly gracious living, but it was ours.
Labor Day that year was on September first, and classes at the University began the following Wednesday. Jared and I moved into our apartment that weekend. We borrowed my brother Vinnie's old pickup to haul our belongings from my house and Jared's house. We brought our computers and desks, my television, and Jared's stereo system. Other than those things and some of my books, we didn't have all that much except for clothes and such. We would have had to go buy some sheets and towels, but Jared's mom surprised us by giving us a big armload of stuff like that she'd bought during the August "white sale" at Penney's. Jared and I did have to shop for some kitchen things at Wal-Mart, and we bought grocery basics like milk and oj and frozen pizza. Oh, and I bought some beer. With my dark hair, eyes, and skin, I guess I looked over 21, because I never got carded. They'll be carding Jared until he's 30, probably. I think he's going to look like a kid for a long time.
Moving all the stuff in was a challenge because Jared kept groping my ass or my package, so we'd stop what we were doing and kiss, grinding our crotches together. Once or twice I just had to push him away because I was about to come, and I didn't want to do that in my pants and then have to go on with moving in.
By the time we got the computers hooked up, the tv connected to the cable, and Jared's stereo wired up, we were sweaty and tired. We were both also horny as hell. We decided to check out the shower while the pizza was baking.
There wasn't a lot of room in the shower, but we didn't mind being close together. We washed each other, paying extra attention to nips, cocks, balls, and cracks, of course. Then we stood and kissed each other, sliding our hard cocks against each other's wet bellies until the hot water ran out. We rinsed ourselves in a hurry, shut the water off, and dried off slowly. We had forgotten to take the labels off the new towels, but we used them anyway. I'd remember to remove them before we went to bed. Or I hoped I would.
We had a couple of beers with our pizza and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to wait until there were enough others to run it. Then we sat and watched television. Or we started out to watch television. But we were rubbing each other's crotches, so before long we were more into that than the movie we'd been watching.
"Danny?"
"Yeah, Jare?"
"Can we go break in the bed now?"
"We'll have to put the sheets on it first. And let's be sure to take the labels off, okay?"
"Shit! Wish we'd done that this afternoon."
So with boners tenting out our shorts, we opened a package of sheets and pillow cases, took off the labels, and made up the bed. Then we stood facing each other. I unfastened Jared's shorts, and they dropped to the floor. His prick had made a wet spot in the front of his boxers. I knelt as I pulled the boxers down, so his hard tool was staring me in the face. I gave the tip of it a lick and stood up.
"Oh, I want more of that, please. But we gotta get you naked first." He got me out of my shorts and boxers in a hurry, and again we were standing there facing each other. This time, our cocks were poking against our bellies. He grabbed me by the head and began to kiss me. We fell over onto the bed and kept on kissing.
We finally came up panting. After he had caught his breath, Jare said, "Dante Rapallo, this may not be anything fancy, but it's our place. We live here now. We're home, dude!"
"Yeah, babe, be it ever so humble . . ."
"So, are we going to break in this bed, or what?"
"I'll show you breaking in the bed!" I pushed him down and began to suck on his cock.
He didn't let me do that long before he said, "Turn around so I can do you."
We'd both been groping each other all afternoon and evening, so I guess it's not surprising that we came pretty quickly after we started to 69. He came first, flooding my mouth with his jizz. I loved the taste and managed to swallow almost all of it. When I rolled onto my back, Jared licked some of his cum off my chin. Then he went back to sucking me.
"Oh, I'm about to come, babe."
"Squirt it on my face!" He leaned over my cock, and, sure enough, I blasted straight up onto his face, hitting his forehead, his nose, and one cheek. After my cock had deflated, I pulled him up so we could kiss, with him lying on top of me. I licked all the cum off his face and then fed some of it back to him with my tongue.
Nature took its course and, since we'd had a busy day, we both fell asleep.
When we woke up the next morning, the lights in the room were still on. I turned them off on my way to the bathroom. After we'd both peed, we got back in bed, and Jared fucked me. We still hadn't taken the labels off the towels.
That afternoon as we were watching football on television in the living room, I fucked him on the floor.
I just hoped we'd find some time to study, or we'd both be flunked out by the end of the coming semester.
* * *
DAVID:
After she talked with Chaz and Trey and learned about Cedric's accident, Dawn phoned me. As soon as I could, I called Max for an update on Ced's condition. Then each time we talked or emailed, he kept me informed. For weeks there seemed to be no change. That is, no change in Ced's amnesia. Max told me that Cedric's body had healed. He also told me about the state of depression Tim had slipped into. Then, later, he seemed encouraged that Tim was perking up, apparently forcing himself to face life without Cedric. And that was all. I kept waiting for more, but it never came.
I decided to fly from San Francisco back to Cincinnati for the Labor Day weekend. I took Friday off and caught the red-eye, rented a car at the airport, and was able to spend a good part of Friday and all day Saturday with my family. Dawn had one more year to go at Miami of Ohio, and my little sis had turned into a beautiful woman. I was so proud of her!
I couldn't believe how much Sammy had grown. Everyone said how much he looked like me. Poor kid! But it was cute to see how much he and his friend Matt were into each other.
I didn't want to give Max too much time to worry over my coming, so I called him Saturday afternoon and asked if I could spend Sunday night with him. He seemed happy that I was coming and told me that he was doing the whole service on Sunday morning. I didn't promise anything, but I got up and left home early on Sunday so I could be at St. Peter's for the service.
I arrived at the church at the last minute, but one of the ushers I'd come to know while Max and I were together pointed out the pew where all our friends were sitting, and I was able to slip in just before the procession started. I was sitting next to Chaz, who grinned and handed me a hymnal open to the correct page.
Later, as I sat there watching Max, I couldn't help thinking back to the first time I had seen him, at a party given by Tim and Ced. I remembered that I was instantly attracted to him, but that I had said I wasn't normally turned on by short men, and then thinking that Max looked like trouble. As he and I became lovers, I learned that this particular short man could turn me on without question. Trouble? Yes. I came to love Max deeply. And I knew he loved me. But he didn't love me with all his heart. I'm not sure exactly when I knew for sure he was in love with Tim, but eventually that painful fact became clear to me.
The offer of the promotion and move to the Bay Area forced me to face the obvious. I hoped desperately that Max would come with me, but deep down I was pretty sure he wouldn't. He offered excuses like his vocation, his commitment to St. Peter's, and all that. But it was Tim. I knew it was Tim.
That Sunday morning, the day before Labor Day, I was so proud of Max, and I loved him so much. He looked both boyish and incredibly sexy in his vestments. I was having thoughts altogether unsuitable for church as I watched him during the early part of the service.
At the passing of the Peace, all of us in the pew hugged one another, though we didn't have a chance to visit, and we shook hands with the people sitting in front and behind us.
And then there was his sermon! A quote came to mind, something I remembered vaguely from a lit course I had in college. "What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed." The point of Max's sermon was quite clear to any thoughtful, intelligent, educated, contemporary Christian. Obviously, however, the large number of people on the Christian right lacked some of those qualities. If not, there wouldn't have been the extreme reaction to the events at the Episcopal Church's General Convention in July. Max said what everyone needed to hear. I admired him for saying it simply, clearly, yet eloquently.
As we filed out of church, all of our guys hugged him and told him how great he'd been. I was last. When it was my turn, I think my eyes were full of tears as I told him how proud I was of him. He hugged me and asked me to wait until he could get out of his vestments. Then we'd go get some dinner somewhere.
* * *
MAX:
I really felt guilty for something I'd done at supper with Tim, Rick, and Ned on Saturday night of Labor Day weekend. I shouldn't have mentioned that Ced was dating this guy, Judd. At least not then. The timing was terrible. I wasn't trying to drive any sort of wedge between Tim and Cedric, but it certainly must have seemed that way. I had made it a point of ethics to do nothing to make the gap between those two any greater. I loved Tim so much that I wanted him to be with Cedric again as soon as possible because I knew that is what would make him truly happy.
When David called and asked if he could come to campus and stay with me overnight, I was both happy and fearful. I felt guilty again. David had never been anything but wonderful to me. He had been a sexy and entertaining lover and a steadfast friend. I felt guilty that he knew almost before I did that I couldn't love him as much as I loved Tim.
I don't want to be misunderstood. I loved David. He's a sweet, sensitive, charming, and incredibly sexy guy. Anyone would be lucky to have David for a lover. He just wasn't Tim. And, as I've said, he recognized that before I did.
At the beginning of the service, I looked out at the congregation and saw the pew full of my men. Tim, Trey, and Chaz. Rick and Ned were also there. How wonderful! And then I saw David, his hair pulled back in its ponytail. David, looking gorgeous, smiling at me! I hadn't expected him to be there service. He must have gotten up at the crack of dawn to make the drive from Cincinnati. And, though David wasn't fond of getting up early, he had done it for me. I can't imagine when he had to leave Cincinnati to get here in time for the service.
The realization of all of this almost made me lose track of where I was in the homily, but I managed to focus my attention and go on.
* * *
DAVID:
It was a fairly long wait. He had to shake hands with or be hugged by the entire congregation, except for the few who were disgruntled by his sermon and tried to slip out of the narthex while he was talking with others. Then he had to go get out of his vestments. Tim and the guys waited around with me. Tim, Trey, and Chaz hugged me and asked how I was doing in California. They introduced me to the new professor, Rick, and his friend, Ned. So now there were three sexy short guys in that group. Go figure.
Finally I was able to whisk Max off to Ken Stewart's Lodge, in Bath. I'd called the day before and made reservations. The food was great, but catching up was even better.
Then we went back to Max's place, where I had almost lived. I never moved in with him, nor he with me, but I spent more time there than he did at my apartment. We continued to talk. Although we'd emailed regularly and had phone conversations about once a week, we had a lot of ground to cover. There was no strangeness between us. We were as comfortable together as ever. Easy enough, despite what had happened, because we still loved each other.
Once, during the afternoon, as I was telling him, at his request, about the pleasures of the Castro, he stopped me.
"David, take your hair down, please." I pulled off the band, and it fell to my shoulders. "Yes. That's better," he said. "You are so beautiful that way."
There he sat. Ruddy cheeks. Chestnut hair. Brown eyes. My choirboy. My priest. Sexy stud. Former lover. Calling me beautiful.
I quickly went back to the Castro.
Eventually it began to darken in Max's house. We talked on. When my stomach rumbled, despite the sybaritic lunch we'd had, Max apologized.
"David, I'm sorry. It is time for dinner, isn't it? What would you like to do?"
"Let's make our favorite Sunday evening meal. Do you have any eggs?"
"Sure."
While Max fried bacon, I chopped onions, bell peppers, a few jalapenos. He had a package of shredded jack cheese in the fridge. I made an omelet. We had that with the bacon and toast with strawberry jam made down the road a little way in Orrville. We didn't have wine or anything alcoholic. Neither of us had even thought of it, we were so intent on our talk.
Max told me about Cedric. How Ced had gone to Tim to apologize because he couldn't remember their being together. How he had shown up with Francis at the Phoenix one day when the whole gang was there. How he'd told Chaz and Trey about dating a guy he worked with. How the guy, Judd, had pitched against him when they both were in high school. Max described how Tim had fallen apart after Ced had regained consciousness but couldn't remember him or their life together for a year.
Since he never said what I was waiting to hear, I presumed on our relationship.
"Max, why aren't you and Tim together yet?'
He didn't seem startled or upset by the question. Obviously it was a question he had put to himself.
"Because Tim is committed to Cedric. And when Cedric gets his memory back, he'll be committed to Tim once more."
"Ced's recovering from his amnesia is iffy, isn't it?"
"So I'm told, yes."
"Then tell me this. Does Tim know how you feel?"
"I don't think so. I've never told him, and he doesn't act as if he knew."
"He really doesn't know you love him?"
"Oh, I tell him I love him, and he tells me he loves me. But it's just as old friends."
"Then he doesn't know how much you are in love with him?"
"David, I feel so guilty even acknowledging to you that I'm in love with him. You must feel I used you all last year."
"No, babe, I don't feel that. You don't have it in you to dissemble. You were a wonderful lover. I just came to realize that I wasn't getting all of you. And it wasn't hard to figure out why."
He took my hand and kissed it. "David, I'm so sorry."
"Max, sweetheart, don't be. You can't help it. You are the most honest man I know. Except to Tim."
`Ouch."
"Well, it's true, isn't it? Tim is obviously the most important person in your life, but you've never told him so. Of course, I think he must be particularly obtuse not to have figured out how you feel, especially since he's been your best friend since freshman year at Kenyon. Seems to me, babe, you owe it to Tim and to yourself to tell him."
He was quiet for a while, thinking about what I'd said. Finally, he said, "David, I love you even more for your concern, particularly after I've hurt you so. But, can't you see, it's a matter of honor?"
"Honor? How the fuck do you figure that?" Max Hewitt could be the most exasperatingly ethical man I'd ever met.
"Easy. Tim loves Cedric. He's committed to Cedric. It's only been less than four months since the accident. Tim wouldn't think of getting into a relationship with someone else as long as there was any chance that Ced would recover from the amnesia. How could any friend, much less a friend who loves him as I do, try to come between them?"
"Max, I love you all the more for your integrity, baby. But I think you're a damned fool. You are entitled to your happiness. You've been standing in the wings hankering after Tim Mead for years now. And, much as I love Cedric, I think you're the better man. I'll never understand quite what it is that has you and Cedric both wanting him, but Tim couldn't do better than you. And maybe he'd realize that if you'd be honest with him."
He picked up my hand and kissed it. "David, I've always known I never deserved you. I realize it all the more this evening. You are such a beautiful soul. But I can't come on to Tim. Not, at least, until he decides that it's over between him and Cedric. I just can't do that. I love both of them too much to do that."
I sighed, pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it. "Well, Max, I tried. You know I want you to be happy, don't you?"
"Oh, God, yes, David! I do know that! And I love you for it, love you more than ever."
Soon after that, I pleaded that I had to get up early to drive to Cleveland Hopkins to catch my flight back to San Francisco.
In the hallway outside his bedroom door, I hugged him. "I've never slept in the guest room before, Max. Do I have to tonight?"
He rested his head on my shoulder. "If we agreed that this would be the last time ever, David, perhaps you wouldn't have to try out the guest room."
"One last time, babe." I picked him up and carried him into his bedroom.
* * *
MAX:
The place seemed terribly empty after David left. I sat in the living room and had a second cup of coffee. I had much to think about. There was the warm afterglow of long, tender lovemaking. I had been happy when David and I were together. I thought I could have continued to be happy with him. He, after all, was the one who forced the issue about Tim by giving me the ultimatum: come to San Francisco or we can't be a couple any more. I could have gone on happily with the way things were. After all, Tim was unattainable, while David was and is a wonderful man.
As I sat there, my mind went back to the dinner at Stefan's. I was embarrassed when Rick put it to Tim that he and I should be together. Poor Tim. I don't suppose he has a clue. He thinks of me as a buddy, an old friend, someone to be there for him in emergencies, someone to run with every morning. I can't imagine he's ever thought that I have been in love with him since Kenyon. I think the only time I ever wasn't in love with him was while I was with Andrew. I suspect To, was embarrassed by Rick's suggestion, though he handled it smoothly. But it must have been as obvious to Rick as it was to David, how much I loved Timmy.
I got up and poured myself a third cup of coffee. I had no place to go, no one to whom I was responsible that morning, so I went back to the living room.
I hadn't thought that I was, as David suggested, being unfair to Tim by not telling him how I felt. Maybe he had a point. Yet, wouldn't it be completely selfish to say anything to Tim about my feelings when he was so in love with Cedric? I loved Cedric. I was in love with Tim. How could I ever justify doing anything to satisfy my own longings when those two were so wrapped up in each other?
Though they weren't together at the moment, I was sure they would be once again as soon as Cedric's memory returned.
As for me, I saw no role except to be the best friend I could be to both of them. Dobbin in Thackeray's "Vanity Fair" came to mind. I sighed. There were worse roles, I supposed.
To be continued.