Disclaimer: I don't know BSB or anyone connected to them in anyway. I don't know their sexual preferences, this is just a story. I made it all up in my own little twisted world. Well, it's not that twisted but that's not the point.
Warning: I don't know where this is going, or what will happen. I've had this story on my mind for the past couple of months. There may be sex, but if there is it won't be in the first chapter. So if that's what you're looking for you might want to look in another place. Now I'm going to try and not use any super natural beings. I may fail but hell trust me when I say I can't help it.
Authors Note: Hi again, thought I would leave another note saying thanks to all the people that wrote me. It really means a lot to me that so many people are reading this story and like it. As I had said in the last chapter this could be the last chapter, that's changed a little since I got all the good feedback. In all honestly it made me want to write more and make sure that it was better than the last chapter. I don't know if I've done this, so if you wouldn't mind dropping me another line I would love to hear from you. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all the support and kindness that you have shown. One more thing sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ash
I grabbed my cell phone and called the others asking them to wait for a little while longer. Kevin asked if everything was ok, and if I needed him to come in and give me a hand, I told him everything was fine. Then I hung up the phone and tried to think of something I could do to get Nick to forgive me. Nothing and I mean nothing came to mind, and it hurt to think that I had lost him forever. What hurt more was everything I had missed, all the times that I hadn't been here to help them. Then thinking about my Mom not telling me everything at once, but then again I hadn't really given her the chance. My head felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces, and I'd never be able to collect all the pieces again. There had to be something that I could do that could at least get Nick to think about forgiving me. Still there was nothing that I could think of that would even come close to working. So I stood up and walked toward the front door, for a while I just stood there afraid to open it and leave. I knew that once I left that it would be forever and I would never have my brother again. At that moment I decided that I had to try one last time, and do something that I wasn't use to doing. So I walked through the house looking for Nick, I found him in the kitchen. He was drinking some coffee, then he just looked up at me, there was nothing in his eyes, no youth, no love.
"After I say this I'm going to leave, and you won't have to worry about seeing me unless you chose to. Mom will know where I am at all times, but I will be at her house for a month or two. After that I'm going to New York, by the way all the guys are outside ready to talk. You know I was supposed to get everyone together so you and the others could talk it out. That's not going to work now because I don't know what to do, all I know is that I love you and the others. I know that you can't forgive me, or give me another chance, I understand that now. There's been to much bad blood, and to many mistakes to make up for, and for that I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you, that I hurt everyone with my foolish actions. There's nothing I can do about that now, and I know that, I should have known that I can't fix everything. To be honest I shouldn't even have tried to fix this, that should have been left up to you and the others. It's your lives, not mine, all though I do think it's a huge mistake, and trust me I know a lot about mistakes. I wish that I could have been here when this happened, then maybe I could have helped then, but not as a force to be reckoned with, but as a brother. All I can say is that I'm sorry, and I hope that in time I'll hear from you. If you wouldn't mind, I'm going to tell the guys to come in while I'm on my way out. You should talk, even if it's to decide not be a band anymore, good bye Nick." I turned and did just as I said I would I left then told the guys to go in.
I kept Aaron with me so we could go back to Mom's where I would stay for a while to catch up. Through all of this I kept myself from crying by looking at Aaron, then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I pulled the car over getting out then walking to the side so I could just cry. Aaron was hugging me before I knew it, and it only made it hurt that much more. I held on to him as my pain screamed in my mind and made me realize how badly I had screwed my life up. There was still a chance for Brian and I, only that would take a lot of time, but there was nothing I could do about Nick. I was still on good terms with everyone else but Nick, and as far as I knew AJ wasn't angry with me. There was no telling how long Aaron and I stayed on the side of the road, but at some point it got dark.
"We should head home Ash, Mom's going to start getting worried if we don't and trust me, you wouldn't like her when she's worried." I laughed a little and found the strength to get back in the car and drive the rest of the way home. There my Mom held me and told me the rest of what had happened while I was gone. Aaron left the room when we had gotten to the part where he had been kid napped. She told me things that either Nick had left out, or maybe didn't know.
"When the police caught the guy Aaron's clothes had been torn very badly, and even to this day he won't talk about it. The guy had only had him for a few hours, but he had escaped when the police tried to catch him. Later that month he came back to finish the job only, he didn't get the chance since the police were waiting for him." I nodded slowly then shook my head wishing I had been laying in wait when the man had come back. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I would have killed him without a second thought, then I would have gotten rid of the body. No one would have ever of known that he had died, only those who needed to know. After shaking my head a few times I stood telling my Mom that I had to go talk to Aaron. She didn't reply as I left the room my cane in hand, I had an idea that might help him a little. As I entered the room Aaron crawled up in a corner on his bead.
"I'm not going to ask you what happened, that can only be told when you're ready to tell it. What I am going to ask might be a little hard for you to understand, but I think it might help you a little." I took a seat on the edge of his bed and just looked at him for a moment before continuing.
"I want you to take my cane and beat your pillow with it, even your bed if you want. While your doing this just let go of everything in your mind and heart go, just beat the hell out of it." After standing up and moving out of the way Aaron picked the cane up and just looked at it. For a while I thought he wasn't going to do anything, then he lightly tapped the cane on the pillow. He looked at it then hit the pillow a little harder, then he lost it and started beating everything on the bed. When he stopped I just held him as he had done me on the side of the road. At first there were no tears just his tight grip around my rips, then he cried. I rocked him back and forth until he fell to sleep, then I placed the covers over him and picked up my cane. He had cracked it in a few places, but I could get a new one in the morning, and the one I had should hold up until then. I went back to the living to find it empty, so I just took a seat on the couch to just think. In the morning I was going to call Kevin and see how things had went, even though I feared the worse. Soon I found myself drifting in and out of sleep, first on the couch then someone had gotten me to move to a bed. I didn't get up until after eleven in the morning which surprised me a little since I was use to waking up a lot sooner. I got up to find Kevin sitting in the living room, he was talking to my Mom, she was just nodding.
"So you finally decide to grace us with your presence, good morning Ash how are you feeling?" I just nodded as I moved toward the kitchen looking, and hoping for coffee, there wasn't any. Then I raided the fridge finding a few bottles of soft drink, I grabbed one then went back into the living room where I drank it all before speaking.
"I'm doing fine, how did it go, and if it's bad let me take a seat first, wait let me take a seat anyway." After sitting down and wiping the sleep from my eyes I leaned back and looked at Kevin.
"Brian and AJ got into another fight which Nick stopped after each got one punch in. Then he threatened both of them, so they stopped fighting, then we all talked for about six hours." Kevin stopped and looked around for a little while, then he smiled before continuing.
"The outcome is we're going to hit the studio in a few weeks, by the way AJ want's to see you since you left before he got up." All I could do was nod, and try not to ask any questions, I had to push myself away from the group. Not my friends, but when it came to group business it wasn't any of my business.
"That's good Kevin, and I'll go see AJ after I buy a car this afternoon, do you have his cell number so I can call him?" He looked at me a little strangely then gave me the number.
"Why don't you just call Nick's, him and AJ are almost always together, or do you not have his number?" I just smiled a little and told him that I didn't have Nick's either so it was given to me, along with everyone else's numbers. Kevin had put a little heart by his, even though I already had it, he smiled and blushed a little before heading toward the door.
"Well, I really need to make arrangements for everything so I'll see you all really soon." Kevin took off in a hurry while my Mom just looked at me, then she smiled and walked away.
"When did you get your drivers license Ash, if I remember correctly you didn't have one, or maybe I'm wrong?" The funny thing is I didn't really remember when I had gotten my license, it was while I was traveling. They had given me a problem that much I knew, but I didn't really care anymore.
"I got it while I was traveling, where I don't really remember, but I think I need to get another one for the states. So I guess I'll take the rental and get one in a little bit, do you think Aaron would want to go?" She just shrugged her shoulders as she walked into the kitchen.
"How long are you going to be staying this time, for a long while I hope?" I smiled as she peaked around the corner, maybe I should stay longer than I had planned.
"Well, I was thinking about a month or two, maybe more if you don't mind, maybe a year we have a lot to talk about." She had this confused look on her face, but then she smiled and went back to doing what she was doing. Then I walked down the hall to find Aaron playing some game on his playstation.
"I was going to head out to get myself another license, you want to tag along or are you too into this game?" He just nodded toward the game, so I left him playing that while I got in the rental and took off. After finding the place I needed to go I found myself in a battle royal for my license. They even asked how I had managed to get it in the first place, I didn't tell them the truth, since I had pretty much just bought it. I had passed all the test, but in truth it had just come down to how much they wanted for the damn thing. After way to many hours I finally persuaded them to give me my license after taking a few test. From there I went to a car dealership and got myself a really nice car with a lot of space, hopefully I was going to need it. Then I went home to show the car to Mom and Aaron, they seemed to like it and Aaron wanted to drive it. While he and Mom took it for a test drive I called AJ and asked him to meet me at a restaurant I had seen. When Mom and Aaron got back I told them that I needed to go meet up with AJ and that I would see them a little later that night. They seemed fine with it, but before I had left I had seen worry in their eyes, I just didn't know why. It gave me something to think about while I was driving, which was needed at the moment. I all ready knew that I needed to prove to everyone that I wasn't going to take off again, and that was going to take time.
Everyone had to believe that I was going to be there before they could really allow themselves to get close to me. I understood it, but what I hoped for the most was that Nick would see that I wasn't anywhere. Then maybe he would think about giving me another chance at being his brother. That was something I wanted more than anything else in the world, even more than I wanted Brian. Now that my mind had decided that I needed to think about Brian everything seemed to slow down. I hadn't even seen him since I had left Nick's, so I decided I would call him tomorrow. Then maybe we could meet up somewhere and talk about the future, and see if we had one as friends, or maybe something more. Then there was Kevin, and I had to admit that a relationship with him didn't really sound all that bad. Still I had always looked at Kevin a little differently than the others, and I didn't know if I could change that. I wished that I didn't have to make these kind of choices, at least not like this, still I had no choice in the matter. If Brian and I did have a future there was nothing I wouldn't do to make sure that it happened without a hitch. Now on the other hand if we didn't, then maybe I could look into being with Kevin and give it a shot. I now found myself in front of the restaurant, so I went and was seated in the back before I knew what was happening. Then I understood, even in my current appearance I still looked like Nick.
"Have you been waiting all that long?" I looked up at AJ and shook my head, he looked really good since I had last seen him.
"How have you been Bone, still charming everyone in a ten foot range?" He laughed as he sat down then shook his head a little as he looked me over.
"You look older, even older than Nick, what happened to you while you were gone?" A lot of things had happened, some that I would rather forget, but that didn't matter now.
"It's just the hair on my face, I still look a lot like Nick, and there is the longish hair. As for my trip not all that much, just a lot of growing up took place, more than I had thought to begin with." He nodded then he looked out of the room, I guess to make sure that no one was in hearing distance.
"What's going on with you and Nick, when I told him I was meeting up with you he started acting all cold and distant?" Now it was my turn to look around and wonder what I should say to him.
"We talked a little, and decided that he and I shouldn't hang out all that much, at least not yet. I think he needs time to realize that I'm not just going to take off again, I just hope he doesn't need forever to realize it." He nodded a little then the server came and took our orders, which he decided he was paying for.
"I really missed you man, I hope you're not planning anymore trips, at least not for a while anyway." I nodded since I wasn't going anywhere for at least the next six months, unless I needed to check in on my clothing line. Then I would be coming straight back to Mom, unless she didn't want me to.
"No more trips for me, at least not any that take more than a few days, or a week at the most. I should be staying with Mom for a while unless she doesn't want me there eating all her food and stuff." He just laughed a little more, we continued to talk for a while, then our food came. We ate in silence, something I had gotten use to while I had been traveling. Every so often AJ would look up at me like he was studying me or something.
"You have the saddest eyes I've ever seen in my life Ash, you should look into changing that." His comment had thrown me off a little, since it had come from nowhere, and I wondered if he was right. I wasn't really sad at the moment, but there was always pain in my heart, something I had also gotten use to. It was just apart of being an adult, pain was always going to be there, even at the happiest of times.
"It'll change in time AJ, as everything does, I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about." He did, because once he had sad eyes, now I could see that there was a great joy in them.
"I'm happy that Nick makes you so happy, you really deserve happiness, you've had so much pain." He looked away then, and I waited for whatever he was going to say next, and it took a little while.
"For a while I didn't think I could be happy with anyone but you, then Nick flashed a light in my eyes. It was weird Ash, here I was thinking about you night and day, then Nick comes along and just smiles at me. He just smiled, and in that moment my heart stopped aching, and it didn't hurt so bad. When he left the room the pain returned, so I knew I had to find a way to keep him close to my heart at all times. One thing led to another and here I am one of the happiest guys on earth." My heart lifted for a moment knowing that something good had come from my taking off, even if it was only one thing. After we finished we hugged and he went on his way, while I went to the beach to watch the ocean. This in one thing I had missed while I was away, there wasn't another place on earth like this little spot I had found. I should have come here and not have ran off since this place seemed to clam me and make my worries fade away. If I could I would find away to just stay here for the rest of my life, just so my heart wouldn't ache anymore. I wouldn't be running off, and anyone could come and see me, it wasn't like I was hiding or anything. It took me a few minutes to shake that thought out of my head, this place was just so wonderful. Then I got up and back in my car, when I got home Aaron was waiting for me to play his game with him.
The next morning I got up and called Brian, asked him if he was still in town, which he was. Then I asked if we could meet up and just talk for a while, he agreed so we set up a time and place. I had chosen my area on the beach so if anything went bad it wouldn't hurt as bad. That was just a hope, I knew that if anything went bad it was going to hurt, but at least I would still have the ocean to comfort me. Then maybe I could go home and Aaron could give me a hand and make me happy by just being there. I was starting to notice that I really needed him around, and just how much he meant to me. It was strange that he meant so much to me, and I didn't even understand why really. Then again I guess Nick's words of wisdom had really sunk in, Aaron was my little brother, and I needed him like I needed Nick. I had sisters too, but they seemed to pretty much stay to themselves, and that was fine with me. When I got to the beach I just sat there and waited until Brian pulled up, he looked really good.
"Nice place Ash, so what did you want to talk about?" I looked at him thinking that he should have known the answer.
"Well, I wanted to talk about us, if there could be an us as in relationship, or just friends." He nodded and took a seat by me, for a while we just sat in silence just looking out at the ocean.
"I don't know Ash, I just don't know, right now everything is all messed up and it's going to take time to get everything back in order. To be honest with you, I want to be in a relationship with you, but I don't know if I can trust it. I love you with every fiber of my being, still there's a lot of doubt if it'll work. That's why I need time to think everything through, then maybe we could finally give it a real shot. Still there's the chance it won't work out, and we both have to at least think about that outcome." I nodded so far everything he had said I understood and could accept without a problem.
"I can accept that, only I'm going to let you know up front, I can't wait forever Brian, though I can try." He nodded and then he hugged me, after that he stood and walked back to his car. I just stayed where I was knowing that if I needed to I would wait for him until heaven burned in hell. It wasn't like we could do anything else out in the open, he was famous, and I could be mistaken for Nick at any given moment. So a hug was all we could ever really offer one another while out in the open. Unless I decided to get myself a dress which wasn't going to happen, and even then they would think he was cheating on Leigh. After a while I stood and went back to my car, and then back home where I could talk to Aaron. I was hoping that he could give me some insight on a few things dealing with Nick. It was starting to set in that time was something very important and no one knew how much they had. I knew that my time could be up at any moment, I had almost died once when I was that car accident. That had changed the way I looked at everything dealing with life and death, I knew my time could end in just a moment.
*****Nick
Nothing made sense anymore, and it was all Ash's fault, I just had to keep that in my mind. If I could manage that then I wouldn't fold and go running over to him to just get hurt again. Anything could have happened and he would have never of known about it until he decided to come back. There had been so many times that I had needed him, yet he wasn't there, he was off mending his heart. When I had thought that I had lost Aaron, even if was only for a short time I had thought I was going to die. I had needed Ash in that one small moment more than I had ever needed anyone else in my life. If he had been there I just would have known that everything would have been fine, he would have saved Aaron. I had more faith in him then I did in just about anyone else, yet I couldn't trust him with anything. It was just to risky to trust him with my heart and just hope that he wouldn't take off at the first sign of trouble. Even if he had a promised, I just couldn't let myself get drawn into that anymore, I would die if he left again. While he had been gone I had really got a chance to see what life without him was like. It had taken a lot of time but I had finally gotten use to it, finally able to deal with him being gone. Then he shows up and thinks that a few words are going to make everything ok again.
Even if he did manage to do something that no one else had, that being bringing the band back together. One way or another it would have worked itself out without him, and I had to believe that. If I didn't I knew that I would go insane trying to stay away from him, and that was another thing that was starting to bother me. He had no right staying at our mothers house when he knew I didn't want to see him. Without even thinking about it he had pushed me away from my family just by showing up. I was half tempted to call him and tell him to go live somewhere else, it didn't matter if it was next door. At least then I could see them without having to worry about him being there all the time. Yet I didn't want to talk to him, because talking could only make me weaker and give into him. So I decided to write him a little that would ask him to move out of the house so I could come and see our family. I would also have to add that I didn't mean for him to move out of their lives just down the block or something. There was no way in hell that I was going to have everyone thinking that I was the reason Ash took off again. So I wrote my letter and sent it in the morning, no one would be the wiser, and Ash could live his life and I could live mine. Never would we really have to see one another again, at least I hoped anyway.
Three week's later I got a letter from Ash telling me that he had moved three miles from the house, and would only be there from noon to five in the afternoon. That way I would never have to worry about him being there when I came over, and vice versa. I found it strange that he hadn't once tried to talk me into talking to him or anything else along those lines. In some ways it made me wonder if he even cared anymore, it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't. Just thinking about the way he was raised was enough to for me to understand how cold he could be if he chose to me. Still it bothered me that he had given up on me and given in to what I had wanted now, there wasn't any chance we would see one another. It bothered me, but it shouldn't have since it was what I had wanted from the beginning, to have no contact with him again. Then it hit me he was playing his little games, and here I was starting to fall for it, he had more power than the devil. I would have to keep my eyes open from now on and make sure that I didn't fall for his tricks again. After about a month of visiting my family and working with the guys I started seeing that maybe Ash wasn't playing any games. No one talked about Ash while we were in the studios, at least not around me.
I guess the worst part was that no one talked about Ash while I was around, well Aaron did but no one else. Even though Aaron talked about Ash, he never really got into talking about him or how he was doing. Normally if anything he said that he and Ash had gone to the beach or something along those lines. It was starting to become clear that Ash wasn't playing any games, and that he was serious about staying. At least he was at the moment, that was what kept from going to see him, there was to much doubt. I kept trying to erase it or even push it away enough to try and trust him just one more time, only my mind kept coming up with reasons not to. So I kept waiting for Ash to mess up and prove me right, only he didn't which was helping me start to trust him. All to soon I was on tour with the guys, back to work and so into it that everything else slipped my mind. Everyone seemed to be getting along, and I noticed that Brian was on his cell at least four times a day, all at the same time. It didn't matter where we were he was on that damn phone, and I had a good idea who he was talking to. That didn't bother me, it just bothered me that I was being kept out of the loop. Still I couldn't say anything since I had done it to myself by pushing Ash away.
"Nick turn the TV on, Dave just called and said that there was something on MTV we needed to see." We all turned the TV on to see pictures of me walking on a beach, only it wasn't me.
"Some people found it strange the Nick Carter of the Backstreet boys was walking the beaches while he was on tour. We came to find out that the man on the beach isn't Nick Carter, but a look a like that could pass for his twin. When people tried to approach him he got in his car and left the scene. After checking with a few sources we found the man's real identity, his name is Ash Lee, a major fashion designer that keep's his face out of the spot light. Now we see why, all this must seem really foolish to announce on MTV like this, we thought so at first to. Then a little more research revealed a little more information about this man." There was nothing but silence in the room a Kurt paused to read his lines again like he didn't understand what was being thrown to him. We all knew what was coming, and no one really knew how to deal with the head lines or anything else that would hit us.
"From what are records show Ash Lee, changed his name a while back to Ash Lee Carter. From there our resources found that Ash was adopted January 29, 1980, one day after Nick Carter was born. We are now trying to reach either the Backstreet boys or Ash Lee's business, both areas aren't letting any information out. Once more information is found we will be the first to let you know, this is Kurt Loder with MTV news." Brian turned the set off, he just looked at me for a while, then Kevin and the others ran into the room. We all just sat in silence wondering what the next step should be, and where it would lead.
"We've all been really good about not talking about Ash around you Nick, we know you don't want anything to do with him. Still he's your bother, and I think you're going to have to talk to him, at least for however long it takes to get this over with." I looked at Kevin and nodded slowly knowing that it was my only real choice, we had to think of something. There was always the truth but that didn't always go well with the pubic at least not here lately. Still whatever choice was to be made it had to include myself and Ash, and maybe now he would have a chance to prove that he was staying.
To Be Continued