Disclaimer: I don't know BSB or anyone connected to them in anyway. I don't know their sexual preferences, this is just a story. I made it all up in my own little twisted world. Well, it's not that twisted but that's not the point.
Warning: I don't know where this is going, or what will happen. I've had this story on my mind for the past couple of months. There may be sex, but if there is it won't be in the first chapter. So if that's what you're looking for you might want to look in another place. Now I'm going to try and not use any super natural beings. I may fail but hell trust me when I say I can't help it.
Authors Note: Well I'm back and my BSB kick, and I've left for other bands alone. Now that most likely won't last for long so don't get your hopes up. If you have time and like this story check out some of my other stories. I'll leave a small list at the end of this chapter. I don't have an editor anymore, so most likely there will be a few mistakes. I would also like to add that if you have the time to please e-mail me. I love feed back and in some ways it helps get the next chapter out. Ok I'm going to explain my symbols and my way of writing. I write in the first person point of view, so to tell the story better I switch characters. I use these *** to do that and I also use those symbols to start off the chapter. I will put the name of the characters name in between the symbols when I start a chapter. When I change the character in the middle of the chapter or any part of the chapter the name will be at the end of the symbols. As of right now those are the only symbols I use. If I add more symbols I will explain, now on with the story I hope you enjoy it.
Nick
It wasn't like the movies, it wasn't all clean and neat. There was dried blood all over his face and body. There were cuts and gashes everywhere, and in the back ground a machine breathing for him. I placed both of my hands on the window for support while I looked at him. His hair was blond again and the goatee was gone, if it wasn't for the blood we would have looked identical. I couldn't help thinking that I had caused all this to happen to him. I looked over at Brian he looked to be frozen, only his eyes kept moving. It was like he was tracing every single detail memorizing everything that he could. Brenda had moved up to my side, she was holding a slightly large package in her hands. "This is what Ash had gone to pick up, I just spoke with the manger at his office. He was working on this at the office so it would be perfect, he made it for Brian." Brian slowly turned around and took the package from her hands slowly. He pulled paper back to reveal the most beautiful outfit I had ever seen. The colors were perfect and the design had so much detail it looked unreal. It was silk and shimmered slightly when the light hit it the right way. Brian held the clothing to his chest and cried softly as he looked back into the room. I turned to thank Brenda but she was crying again, only this time David was holding her. Tears fell from his eyes as he looked past us and into the room just beyond.
The rest of the night seemed to fly by in quick images, I don't remember much. I remember finally moving away from the window and taking a seat. Then it really hit me that this could be the end of everything in my world. I don't know who it was but they had started holding me and rocking me slightly. The tears just wouldn't stop falling as images floated into my mind leaving me feeling emptier every second. I fell asleep and woke up in AJ's arms he was still rocking me slightly. "Don't you think Eric's going to be a little upset about you holding another guy?" AJ looked down and smiled sadly but shook his head. " I don't think he would care if I were kissing another guy, we broke up a week ago." I sat up and looked at him closely, he was really go through a lot of stuff. "Why didn't you say anything you know we would have been there for you?" He just shrugged his shoulders and stood up stretching a little. "You should go talk to your Mom, there's news about Ash." He had managed to keep his voice level so I didn't have any clues. I just nodded and set out to find them where ever they may be. I found Brian in the waiting room, he wasn't looking to good and he still had the clothing pressed against his chest. He looked up at me and then slowly looked away before he went back in his daze.
I had a really bad feeling about this, my whole body was starting to tense. Every time I would pass one of the guys they would look away slowly. When I finally found my Mom she was oddly calm, it was scaring me. She looked up at me and then back down at the ground. "Mom, what happened, is Ash ok, or did something happen while I was asleep?" She looked up slowly and shook her head before she started talking. "There's good news, and there's bad news. The bad news comes first, Ash was taken off life support since he no longer needs it. The good news is he isn't brain dead, but he may never wake up again. There's hope but it's fleeting with every passing minute, Brenda has arranged for Ash to be taken to a home where he will be taken care of. It's her choice since he is her son by law. We can visit him anytime we want, but I was told not to get my hopes up. So I'm not going to do that just to see everything come crashing down around me. I'm sorry Nick, but I have to tell you this, there isn't any real hope. There's so much damage to his body that he could still die at any time. Only time will tell if he'll ever wake, or even live for that matter. I'm so sorry baby, the others know and are making plans. I was elected to tell you that you have a concert to get to tomorrow. Life goes on Nick, even if your loved ones aren't with you to share it." It didn't make sense, how could we go on touring with Ash so close to death.
Two day's went by and the concert was less than what it could have been. It just wasn't in me to really do this anymore, not with Ash almost gone. Brian wasn't any better but he was able to focus all of his emotions into the songs. Just like my Mom had said life goes on, even without those you love most. I had to call her every night just hear her voice, I was so afraid I would lose her. We would talk for as long as we could then life would start up again. Aaron was really depressed and didn't know how to handle everything that was happening. He and Leslie were going to come and see me later on this month. Only I didn't really know what to tell then that could ever really help. Kristen and Leigh were pretty much living with us now. Leigh was there for Brian because she was all he had now. While Kristen was trying to work out some problems that her and Kevin had been having. I didn't even know that there had been any problems, then I realized why Kevin had been calling Ash nightly. It was then that I found myself asking another question, what had made my Mom decide to call me. So the next time I talked to her I asked and she told me about Ash's phone call. It was then that I really started hating myself for everything I had done to him. Even after all that he had still tried to help me out with my family, with our family. Now he was in some nursing home being taken care of by people he didn't even know.
That was the moment I had decided to talk Brenda into letting me take care of him whenever I was on break. I could rent a beach house near the ocean and take him there and take care of him. Whenever I went back to work I would take him back to the nursing home. I knew I had a week off in about three weeks so I started planning everything. I called Brenda and she thought it would be a wonderful idea and passed it by Jeff. After that it was all set and now all I had to was find the beach house, not all that hard. I called my Mom and told her what I had in mind, she thought it was a good idea as well. I told the guys and Brian said he was going to tag along, which was cool with me. When the day finally arrived and I walked into the nursing home I found it to be really nice. I walked up to the front desk signed in and then started talking with the nurse. "There are a few things I need to go over with you before you see Mr. Lee. First off he has gotten a lot better here and most of the wounds on his body have healed. His condition has gotten a lot better, but he's still not really there. I don't want to get your hopes up so there's a few things I need to explain. One he can eat if you feed him, two he will open his eyes every so often. Three he will move around slightly, but that doesn't mean he knows what's going on. It's just the nerves in his body reacting to everything around him."
"If he gets cold his body will shake slightly, when he's warm again he'll stop. You'll need to bath him daily and change any bandages that remain. I'll give you a booklet with more information before you leave. Now if you'll follow me I'll take you to his room and we'll get him ready to leave." She stood up and walked away without another word, she was a bit cold. Brian and I followed her to a room that had two guards posted outside the doors. "These guys make sure we do our job, Alex this is Mr. Carter, he's here to pick up Mr. Lee." The big guard looked down at me and nodded allowing us to pass through. Ash was sitting upright in a bed, his eyes were open but totally empty. He seemed to look around but it was like he didn't see anything. When the nurse touched his arm he didn't react in anyway. "So we're going to play this game today, and I here I was telling your friends that you react to things. I see you're trying to make me out to be a lair, that's fine." Everything about the nurse had changed in a matter of seconds from entering the room. Her voice was filled with compassion, she even looked different as she moved around the room. "Mr. Lee and I have this little game going you see, he ignores me every so often, isn't that right Mr. Lee. Still not answering me I see, that's going to have to change soon." She was smiling lightly as she pulled the arm rest on the bed down.
"If you don't mind, could you call him Ash, he always liked that. If you're going to get through to him you should call him by his first name." The nurse looked at Brian, again she changed but for the better. "You really care a lot about him don't you, from now I'll call him Ash." She poked Ash in his side slightly and smiled before walking out of the room to get the wheel chair. I was afraid to touch him for a second, it was like if I did he might break. Brian didn't have that fear whatsoever as he sat down beside Ash and started rubbing his hand. "I have a really nice date set up for us when you wake up if you'll accept. Remember you told me all you needed was a little time, well you got that didn't you. I don't really know if you can hear me, but that doesn't matter cause I can just keep on talking. I can see that your eyes are open and wonder if you can see me, if you can get ready to laugh." Brian continued to talk and joke around with Ash, he was even doing some really silly stuff. When the nurse came back in she just watched Brian for a little while. She pulled me out in the hall and away from the guards before she started talking. "This may be what Ash need's to wake him up, but I have a question if you don't mind." I shook my head slowly and waited, she looked around to make sure no one was in ear shot. "I can tell that your brothers, twins at that, but why do you have different last names?"
"That's a really long story, but I can give you the quick version. We were separated at birth, we found each other by accident. He kept his name and I kept mine since it was the name I was given at birth." She nodded then walked back toward the room before Brian lost any hope. I helped her put Ash in the wheel chair and we talked on the way out to the van I had rented. "Now you take care of my boy, if you don't you'll have to deal with me." Brian laughed and nodded, then we were on our way to the beach house. Once there Brian carried Ash in without any help, and he didn't want any help. The day passed by quickly as I fed him and gave him a bath with Brian's help. The nurse had been right about his reacting to a lot of things. Before the day was done I was worn out, but Brian seemed to have a ton of energy. He was sitting beside Ash telling him everything that happened in the past month. He looked so happy to just be with him that it broke my heart. I would never have that kind of strength, to just sit there and talk to him nonstop. The nurse had told us not to get our hopes up, but I don't think Brian was paying any attention then. With every minute that passes I could see that Brian was getting happier and happier. I knew it wasn't good for him, but I didn't have the heart to tell him. He was just so happy that he reminded me of the Brian that had come back from that trip he had taken.
The next morning I found Brian out cold beside Ash who had his eyes closed. I stood in the doorway and just looked at them for a while. Ash would move his hand every so often but not much after that. Brian had his arms wrapped around Ash's waist and his head on his stomach. He looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake them but I had to so I could feed Ash. I already had his food ready, if you could really call it food that is. I wasn't the best cook and I never pretended that I was. Brian could have done a better job on any given day, that was a given. I woke Brian up first and told him he needed to grab a shower. He simply nodded and sleepwalked to the bath, well he wasn't asleep but his eyes were almost all the way closed. I picked up Ash and carried him into the living room sitting him down in the arm chair. After I was sure he wouldn't fall out of the chair I went into the kitchen and got the food. I sat down in front of him and started feeding him slowly. His eyes remained closed but he was eating, I guess his body had gotten use to it. When Brian entered the room Ash's eyes slowly opened up, my heart stopped. Ash didn't look toward Brian they just remained open, my heart did a small flip. Still I didn't say anything to Brian, it could have just been his nerves reacting again. No need to give Brian hope that may not be there. Brian took over and started feeding Ash for me.
The day went by just like the last only Brian didn't stop talking once. He continuously messed Ash's hair up hoping to get some kind of reaction, he didn't but that didn't stop him. He told Ash that if he didn't wake up soon he was going to strip him and walk him around the mall. He was just joking around, but I could have sworn I saw a smile on Ash's face for a second, then it was gone. I sent Brian to the store so I could have some time to talk to Ash alone. "I know I'm not the person you want to see right now, but I need to see you. I really miss you, and I mean that, it's not just a show like I use to put on. I don't know you all that well, but I would love for the chance to get to know you. So you see you have to come back, if not for me, then for Brian. I can't live for you, cause I need you to show me how to live. I don't think I ever hated you, even when I thought you were taking everything from me. I still thought that you know it'll work in time, only times ran out and you don't even see me. I love you now more than ever because I know who you really are. So please just give me sign that you understand me, that you forgive me for being so blind. Wake up and tell me that we can be a family and I can proudly call you my brother. Tell me that someday I'll have a chance to be just like you, even if it's just for a moment." I waited but nothing came, and nothing changed, it was like talking to tombstone.
Brian got back with some food and other stuff that we needed to take care of Ash with. After that he pretty much stayed by Ash's side and talked about nothing at all. Ash didn't react anymore, it was just like he had turned off the lights. Brian stayed in his room and repeated the last night without a problem. The rest of the week went by and nothing really changed. We were getting Ash back in the van and we were on our way back to the nursing home. Brian was starting to get depressed again, but he was holding up well enough. We talked to the same nurse and asked her to call us if there was any change. She agreed but there was a deep sadness in her eyes as she took Ash back to his room. For a short amount of time I thought that he was going to wake up and look back at us. He didn't and after standing in the hallway for ten minutes we walked back to the van. A few hours later we were on a plane to the next city we were going to perform in. Brain was mopping around and really wouldn't look up at anyone that passed. Once we got off the plane Brian turned his cell phone on and kept his eyes on it. He was waiting for a call that I didn't think would be coming any time soon, I just wished that he knew that. We got to the hotel and the guys asked if there was any real change. We told them the truth which seemed to bring everyone down to Brian's level.
Day's turned into week's and week's into months, time was passing far to quickly. There wasn't any change in Ash's condition, if anything he had only gotten worse as time passed. I had spoken with the nurse, who's name happened to be Jennie many times. She told me one night that Ash's had stopped responding to everything around him. He didn't even shake when he got cold anymore, a painful fact to find out. I knew in my heart that I was slowly losing him as did the others. Still we didn't talk about it, at least not around Brian who still held a great amount of hope. When our next break came Brian was already on his way to see Ash. I didn't have the heart to go and just have a replay of my last visit. Plus I wanted more time than I had last time so I could work with him. Then next time I went to get him it was going to be for a month or more. The idea of only spending a day or two, or even a week just didn't feel like it was enough. So I stayed back which didn't really seem to bother Brian all that much. He said it was cool and he understood then he took off like a bat out of hell. Kevin was knocking on my door since he was the only one that had stayed. AJ had gone to see his grandmother and Howie was on a mission to find a cure for Ash. He said something about looking for a medicine man and then he was gone.
I opened the door to find a very upset Kevin on my hands. No one that could have really have known if you hadn't known him as long as I had. He looked calm but if you looked into his eyes you could see the waves of despair, and I knew where this was going. I invited him in, he then took a seat on the bed and looked up at me before I sat down beside him. "We have to tell him the truth, cause I can't stand to see him in all this pain. Brian has to realize that Ash isn't going to wake, that's he's gone and won't be coming back. You have to help me Nick, cause I don't know what to do anymore." I looked away knowing that I could never shatter Brian's world. "If you think this is bad, then you haven't seen anything. When realizes that Ash isn't coming back that's when all hell is going to break loose. So no we can't tell him that Ash isn't going to wake up he has to find out on his own. If we tell him it'll just make him look the other way with more determination. All we can do is wait and be there for him when he does realize the truth." Kevin nodded then looked down in defeat, he looked worse than I had thought. I patted him on his back then walked to the bathroom. Kevin let himself out and life went on, something I was getting use to now. Little by little everything was starting to fall apart again.
I knew that I had most of my family even if an important part was missing. That was all fine, only it was the band that I was starting to worry about. Even when AJ was with us he would miss meetings and sleep all day. When he wasn't sleeping or on stage he was out partying and drinking. Kevin's marriage was on the rocks and didn't look like it was going to recover. Brian spent all of his free time either thinking of or being with Ash. That wasn't so bad but after he got back he was so depressed. It looked like he was getting weaker everyday that he was without Ash. Now the only real problem was that there had never been a Brian and Ash. It had always been just friends, well I guess for the most part anyway. If Brian and Ash had been in a relationship I could understand everything he was doing to himself. That wasn't the case, and as far as I knew they had never kissed once. Then again Brian had always been a dreamer and at that he could wait forever for something he wanted bad enough. That was what he was doing now, waiting for a dream that was only a dream. When Brian came back a few days later he looked worse than before. His eyes were red rimmed and I could see that he was doing everything to hold back the tears. I looked to Kevin who had stuck his head out of his door. When I looked back at Brian I could tell that he was finally starting to see the truth.
Another month passed and AJ's grandmother passed away, it broke his heart. We were all there for him as much as we could be. When we had to go back on tour AJ stayed back for a little while. He rejoined us a short time later, only he wasn't who he use to be anymore. On stage it was one thing, but off stage it was something else all together. He had gotten into drinking more and staying out later and later each night. He was starting to remind all of us of a vampire with the way he lived. Still we all knew that he had to see for himself that he had a problem. In someways it was good since he took our minds off Ash. The only problem was that it was like switching problem for problem. Only this time I was going to make sure that nothing happened to him like what had happened to Ash. When the time finally came for AJ to ask for help months had passed. No one had gone to see Ash in a long time, well no one from the band, Mom went to see him once a week. I hurt my hand and after that we went to TRL to talk with the fans. We had decided to be as honest as we could with everyone, it had paid off. AJ had gone into rehab and it gave us time off to find everything that we had been missing. Brian was heading back to Ash and I was going to hang out with AJ as much as I could. He was starting to get a little better but he asked me to go since he needed some time alone.
I gave into his request and flew back to Florida where I could hang out with my Mom. Then maybe we could go see Ash together where ever Brian had taken him with his time off. Kevin was with Kristen trying to work out their problems without any help from my brother. Howie was on his way home and then he was going to go visit Ash with Brian. When I got to mom's house she was sitting on outside waiting for me. "I have some news about Ash, Brian just called me. He's been trying to get in contact with you for a while now. I guess you forgot to turn your cell phone on when you got off the plane." As I looked at my mother my heart slowly slowed down to a craw. "It seems there won't be a need in going to see Ash at the nursing home anymore. Since he's finally regained his mental status he's going to be moving in here." My Mom looked up slowly showing the largest smile I had ever seen on her lips. I simply couldn't move or speak, it was like a dream becoming reality. My Mom pinched my arm which happened to hurt a whole hell of a lot. "I had to pinch myself several times before I believed it was happening and not a dream." She laughed lightly and patted me on the top of my head before heading back into the house. I stayed where I was for a little while, everything was moving to quickly to understand. After running into the house I tracked my Mom down and asked for some details.
"Well, it isn't like everything's fine that's why he's moving in here with us. It's going to take a long time before he's up and moving again. We have to teach him how to walk and many other things before he'll be ready. From what I understand Ash's first words were to you. Brian said that he said that you didn't have to live for him he could do that just fine." The smile on her face said that he had something else to say besides that but she kept it to herself. "Brenda, Jeff, and David are on their way here so they can be here when Ash gets here. Brian's driving him in as we speak, he should be here in about six or seven hours. Your brother and sisters are all on their way home so we can have a big party for Ash." Everything was finally starting to set in as my mind grasped the whole concept. Life could be starting it's cycle again and this time I was going to make sure I didn't screw up. If there was a chance that everything could start to come together again I was going to help it. I couldn't help smiling as I thought about having my whole family together again. This time there wouldn't be a missing piece, or a torn relationship, this time it would be perfect. I didn't care if it killed me, this time everything would fall into perfect harmony. After turning my cell phone on I called Kevin wondering if Brian had time to get in contact with him.
"Hey Kev, have you spoken with Brian any today, no, that's a little odd. Well, anyway you should get to my house as quickly as you can. Bring Kristen, and call Howie tell him to get here too. Why, well Ash is on his way here since he finally woke up." I pulled the phone away from my ear as Kevin screamed something. "Yeah I heard you'll be here in a few hours, talk to you then." I hung up and smiled to myself, everything was so good right now. My Mom was in the kitchen cooking up a storm, I don't think I had seen her do this in years. I was smart enough to stay out of her way while she cooked, no need to lose my hurt hand. Three hours passed before all the Carters were gathered in the living room. Mom was still in the kitchen and she had only stopped a few times to greet people at the door. Then it was back into the kitchen where no one dared to enter while she was on her cooking kick. Every time someone would drive by all eyes would look toward the door. It was becoming a really bad habit, but I was happy that I wasn't the only one doing it. When a car pulled up into the drive everyone would rush to the door. Kevin walked in with Kristen, they both seemed to be in really high sprits. Then Howie showed up with his Mom and a few of his friends. I had called AJ to tell him the good news but they wouldn't put the call through.
I felt that he was the only missing piece to the group and I felt bad that he wasn't here. After everyone got to the house that was coming we all sat and waited for Ash. David was talking with Howie about some stuff I didn't really understand. While Brenda was in the kitchen with my Mom trying to help her. I think my Mom was about to throw her out since she didn't know anything about cooking. When we heard another car pull into the drive the whole house went silent. Mom rushed out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a dish towel. Brenda was right behind looking like a million dollars without a single stain anywhere. Kevin opened the door and walked outside, he and Brian brought Ash in who was in a wheel chair. He looked around the room slowly and started smiling widely at the faces he saw. I had tried to remain hidden behind all the people not want to ruin any mood he may be in. "Ash can't talk that loudly so if you want to hear him you'll have to move in really close. Aaron could you hop out of that seat so we can sit him down there?" Aaron jumped up and tried to help Kevin and Brian carry Ash to the seat. After Ash sat down he whispered something into Kevin's ear. Kevin stood up and looked around the room, I had no idea who he was searching for. Well, that was until he looked at me and waved me over. I walked over slowly and knelt down in front of Ash who wasn't smiling anymore.
I moved closer so I could hear him, still it only sounded like wind moving past his lips. "If I'm going to teach you anything it's going to be how to show others your feelings. Now tell everyone to get this party on a roll so I can eat something besides hospital food." He was smiling again and I felt like crying because he didn't seem angry anymore. "Ash says to get this party going so he can have some food." Everyone laughed and the night started without a hitch. It was amazing at how good this felt to have most of my friends and family all together. Brian refused to move away from Ash's side for longer than a minute. Everyone would go to Ash and talk to him for short amount of time then move away. Brian helped Ash eat some of the food my Mom had made, but it was always small amounts. Ash said something to Brian who just nodded and carried him out of the room really quickly. A few minutes later he came back and asked me to go to my room. I did as he asked and found Ash laying on my bed with a pleased smile on his face. After getting close enough to hear him he finally started talking in low whispers. "This room really brings back memories, last time he fought over some really silly stuff. Anyway that's not the reason I got you in here all alone, I have something's I need to tell you. I heard every word you said to me, and it really meant a lot to me then, it helped." Ash had tears softly falling from his eyes, I tried my best to wipe them away.
"I always thought that there was this part of you that would always hate me. I tried everything in my power to reach out to you, but I just didn't have the strength. To give you some kind of sign that I had heard you. That I had forgiven you a long time ago, your words just helped. When you said that you loved me it made my mind spin in circles. I just had to tell you that I love you, and that no matter what you would always be my brother. Even if you hated me, or loved me, that it was something that will never change. It doesn't matter if I'm six feet under or standing right beside you. You are my brother and you always will be, and I love you because of that." Ash was taking deep breaths trying to regain some lost air. I turned to see Brian standing in the door, he had a small smile on his face. When I looked back to Ash I couldn't find the words to tell him how I felt. So I just let the tears fall and pulled him into my arms where I held him for a while. I listened to him breath and his heart beat evenly, but so slowly. Slowly I felt arms wrap around my lower waist, the action itself sent my heart flying. I knew how much it was taking for him to hug me. It was so hard for him to even talk, to move had to be painful for him. We sat there holding one another for what seemed like an endless amount of time.
To Be Continued ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Other stories that I've written Falling, The Sryin, The Lost, Broken, It's A Wonderful Life, Gemini, Ghost, Where You Are, Libra, Simple Twist Of Fate, Angelic, and The Last Kiss Good Night