Disclaimer: I don't know BSB or anyone connected to them in anyway. I don't know their sexual preferences, this is just a story. I made it all up in my own little twisted world. Well, it's not that twisted but that's not the point.
Warning: I don't know where this is going, or what will happen. I've had this story on my mind for the past couple of months. There may be sex, but if there is it won't be in the first chapter. So if that's what you're looking for you might want to look in another place. Now I'm going to try and not use any super natural beings. I may fail but hell trust me when I say I can't help it.
Authors Note: Well I'm back and my BSB kick, and I've left for other bands alone. Now that most likely won't last for long so don't get your hopes up. If you have time and like this story check out some of my other stories. I'll leave a small list at the end of this chapter. I don't have an editor anymore, so most likely there will be a few mistakes. I would also like to add that if you have the time to please e-mail me. I love feed back and in some ways it helps get the next chapter out. Ok I'm going to explain my symbols and my way of writing. I write in the first person point of view, so to tell the story better I switch characters. I use these *** to do that and I also use those symbols to start off the chapter. I will put the name of the characters name in between the symbols when I start a chapter. When I change the character in the middle of the chapter or any part of the chapter the name will be at the end of the symbols. As of right now those are the only symbols I use. If I add more symbols I will explain, now on with the story I hope you enjoy it.
Ash
I still didn't understand how he could have this affect on me. I should be giving him the cold attitude, but I just couldn't pull it up.
"So how are the guys and my dimwitted brother doing?" The question seemed to throw him off for a second before he was able to reply.
"Not all that good, most of the Carter clan isn't talking to Nick, why is still a mystery. I'm not going to lie, it was one of the reasons I came here, to find out what happened in that room." He was asking for a long story that I didn't really feel like telling, but what the hell maybe it would ease my mind.
"Something's were said that needed to be said. I asked for honesty and that's what I got, it made me see thing's a little more clearly. Then I said a few things, got my stuff told Mom bye and left without another word." Brian had his eye brow raised, so I decided I would fill in the blanks I had left.
"Nick told me that no matter what I would never have the love he has. That no matter how I looked at it I was the one they had given up. He had what I always wanted and always would, not that hard to understand. He continued to tell me how unimportant I was to his family. That they were trying to be nice because his Mom, not mine had made a mistake. No matter what I did, I would never come close to knowing his family."
"He's right I won't, there's nothing in this world that could change those little facts. So I told him he was right and that maybe it would have been better if we had never met. That maybe I should have let him get mobbed that day I saw him walking through the mall. That I shouldn't have taken pity on his sorry ass and helped him out like people should do. Then I would have never of had to worry about getting my heart ripped apart every time he hurt me. I would never had known that I could have my biggest dream come true. Only to find that it wasn't dream, but a dark, cold reality that would cause more pain than I knew existed. I would never know that I had brother that could do things I would never even think of doing to another person. That my family, my real family never needed me, never really wanted me. Until Jane came into the picture I didn't even exist to them. What he said made perfect sense, how could they love me as much as they act, when they don't even know me. It was all to easy, even with the pain that had been inflected. They just instantly accepted me without a second thought, people aren't like that. Well, most people anyway, and the ones that are don't normally have that kind of money. There's other stuff but I don't really feel like talking about what else he said. Mom knows all of this that's why we haven't spoken for a while now, but that's ok."
"I told her that I wasn't mad at her, but that I needed time to think about everything. So that's what I got, so I sit here alone, do my work and think. You're the first visitor I've had in a month or two. But since you know what you want to know, I guess you'll leave since you no longer need me." I wasn't upset, so I didn't understand the tears that were falling so suddenly. Brian wasn't moving toward the door, he just looked down at the ground.
"I also came here to talk you about us, could their be an us?" I looked at him slowly, he looked so defeated.
"I don't know Brian, I just don't know anymore, everything is so screwed up. I use to think that was the only reason I had really gone along with all this madness. Their were times when I thought if I could just hold on a little longer you might want me. Then I could have a boyfriend that wouldn't try to hurt me, I was wrong Brian. You hurt me and we weren't anywhere near going out, so why would dating be any different? Look at your life Brian, always hiding from things that creep in the night and carry cameras. Then look at my life, were very different and live very different life styles. I care about you, more than I should, I would even go a far as saying that I love you. That doesn't mean I'm willing to put myself in a place where I'm going to get my heart ripped apart."
"So for your question, maybe someday their could be an us, but not right now. I couldn't handle getting hurt again so soon, it would kill me. That doesn't mean we can't be friends, or hang out and goof off. It just means that for now all I can give you is friendship." Brian slowly nodded then smiled as he looked up at me, he seemed to relax a little.
"I should be getting back to the hotel, would you mind if I stopped by tomorrow?" I shook my head and smiled slowly before pouring myself a cup of coffee.
"You could just stay here I have an extra bed room with a spare bed, it wouldn't be a problem." He smiled and agreed to stay so we talked about nothing over coffee. It was a meaningless conversation with no point whatsoever, I think that's why I liked it so much. After the coffee was gone I took Brian to his room and showed him where everything was. Then I went to bed after shutting the apartment down, meaning I turned everything off. The next morning I got up and made the best breakfast in my whole life. Even if I was only going to be friends for time being, that didn't mean forever. I wanted everything to be perfect, thank god Brian slept in. After everything was done I knocked on Brian's door, only there wasn't an answer, so I opened the door. I looked at Brian's sleeping form and felt my heart do back flips. He looked so angelic, even with his hair all messed up, he looked perfect in my eyes.
I had no doubt that if he stayed for a few more days I would lose all my nerve. Then I would be taking back everything I said about waiting. I didn't really want that to happen so I tried to regain my composure a little. It wasn't working all that well as I found myself moving toward Brian. I took a seat on his bed side and moved the hair away from his forehead slightly. His skin was so soft, almost like silk, but it still had it's rough edges here and there. Brian was starting to move around so I stood up and moved toward the door. Once I was at the door I opened it wider then slammed it closed making a lot of noise. Brian shot up and looked around, then smiled, then started laughing lightly.
"Breakfast in on the table come and get it or lose out, by the way what are you laughing at?" He kept pointing toward my face, so I guessed something had gotten splashed on me while cooking.
"It's your hair man, your roots are showing, and it's odd seeing a brunette with blond roots. Normally it's the other way around, but there you are with what looks like brunette streaks." It had been awhile since I had last dyed my hair, but I wasn't planning on dying it any time soon. With that thought out of the way I just smiled and left the room. Only I didn't go into the kitchen I went straight to the bathroom and got my razor and shaving cream. A minute later the goatee was gone, now all I needed was to get my hair back to it's normal shade.
I was tired of trying to hide my appearance just because I had a twin. He was famous big deal, I was famous in my own little way. Plus if someone thought I was him I could start giving him a bad rep. I shook my head and put those thoughts out of my hear then looked for my bleaching kit. I had gotten it at the same time that I had gotten the other hair dye. I locked the door and got everything ready so I could have my old look back. I put the bleach in and then put the cap and looked at my watch. I sat there for the given amount of time then rinsed my hair. I looked in the mirror happy to see the stranger was gone and I was myself once again. I walked into the kitchen to see Brian eating a large plate of food.
"I hope you left some for me, cause I don't feel like cooking anything else." Brian looked up and almost choked at my old look coming back so quickly.
"I don't really see a reason as to why I can't look normal. I'm not going to give Nick that much power over me anymore." I took a seat and filled my plate with what was left on the table.
"I was wondering why you changed yourself so much, but you look fine either way." I smiled at the complement and continued to eat until I had cleaned my plate.
"So how long are you in town, or are you leaving today?" Brian shook his head as he took a drink of his orange juice.
"I have to leave tomorrow, you know you could come and be my guest. You wouldn't have to see Nick, I could keep him out of the picture." I shook my head slowly, it sounded like a good idea but I had one problem.
"Regardless of what happens between me and my brother it shouldn't affect your group. If you pushed Nick away it would hurt him and cause some problems. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have, it's not worth it." Brian had a sad smile but he agreed then went back to eating.
"Are you still pissed off at him, not that you shouldn't be I mean?" I smiled and in truth it was a really hard question to answer.
"I don't really know if it's really anger I feel toward him, it doesn't really matter anyway." He nodded and I collected the empty plates and placed them in the sank.
"So how are the other guys, you never did tell me last night?" Brian sat up and back a little like he was about to tell a story.
"AJ's doing ok, but we're really worried about his grandmother, she's been sick lately. Howie's been running around shopping like a war house trying to prove he has a fashion sense. Kevin's been having trouble with Kristen, but nothing big. You know about Nick, and well I'm here and feeling better than I have in months." I decided that I was going to send AJ a card and send Kevin my cell phone number. Then I was going to send Howie my office number that Brenda had set up.
What really surprised me was I was trying to think of a way to help Nick a little.
"I'll be back in a minute I have to make a phone call real quick." Brian looked worried but nodded and walked into the living room. I went back to my bed room and picked up my phone dialing Jane's number.
"Hi Mom, it's me Ash, I know it's kind of odd me calling you out of the blue like this. Yeah I'm doing ok thanks for asking, how are you doing? That's really good I'm happy to hear it, and Aaron? That's great and I hear Leslie is making a huge impact. That's great to hear, how about Nick, is he doing ok, or have you spoken with him? Mom you need to talk to him, this is probably eating him up inside. I know he said some stuff but I asked for him to be honest. It isn't his fault and I did get him mad before I asked for it. I know he shouldn't have said it, but he was only saying what he thought. He shouldn't be punished in such a way for only speaking his mind no matter the affects. So you'll talk to him, thanks Mom it really means a lot to me." I put the phone back down and leaned against my pillows almost allowing my myself to fall back to sleep. Brian knocked on the door softly giving me this really odd look, it had me worried.
"I'm sorry but I just overheard what you did, and I don't understand it. Why would you help Nick after all he did to you?"
"He's my brother, and no matter how much I dislike that fact it's still remains real. Like I said I don't know if it's really anger I feel toward him, it's more like he betrayed me. It's weird, I know trust me, it's just the way I feel. Still all wounds heal with time, and it's time this little fight ended. That doesn't mean I'm going to talk to him, it just means I'm not out to hurt him anymore. So what do you want to do today, is there anything pacific?" Brian shrugged his shoulders and walked further into my room, he took a seat on my bed.
"Well, you could be my model today and let me try some new ideas out on you." He shrugged his shoulders again and laid back slowly, maybe I woke him up to soon.
"You go ahead and catch some sleep I'll make something and wake you up when I'm done." He nodded and turned over on his side, he was asleep before I left the room. I went to the living room and started drawing something I hoped would become a master piece. I wanted it to be silk all the way, but something he could wear outside of the house. I didn't want a suit since that wasn't one of my strongest points, but it had to be special. I don't think I had ever spent more time drawing one single outfit in my whole life. I had been sitting in the same spot for the last three hours working on the design, that didn't want to work.
I had on the other hand finally decided on the colors I was going to use. The top would be a midnight blue, while the bottom would be just a shade darker. While all that was simple in truth, well at least to me anyway. The hardest part was making it something that could be worn anywhere. That and the design on the fabric itself, which I had gotten into habit of making. Knowing that I wouldn't be done with it before he left I made plans to take it to him later. I would have to get his sizes and everything before he left just to make sure it was perfect. It would also be the first time, in a long time that I had made it myself. I had gotten use to just sending my drawing into my office where everything would be taken care of from there. If their were any problems I would be called in for a day or two, which I hated. I would pretend to be my own personal helper and use a different name thanks to Jade. She had gotten me a few new ID's just in case I had needed them. On top of that I still had the ID that I had gotten made for Nick before we started fighting. I was going to send that ID with Brian so Nick would know that I was starting to get over my anger. Either that or he would think I simply didn't want anything to remind me of him. It didn't really matter either way it went it wouldn't really affect me in any major way. With the idea that I might one day go out with Brian I had hope that my life was starting to turn around.
Brian woke up an hour later and we hit some clubs that I had found while living in the area. None that would get him into any trouble with reporters anyway, so it was all good. We had a blast and time to talk and get to know one another all over again. Well, that wasn't really true since we really hadn't gotten to know one another before. Still it was starting to feel really good with everything that was happening. It was the first time in a long time that I really felt happy with where my life might finally be going. I had given up on the idea that Brain no longer wanted me for me. Since I had basically changed everything and he had still wanted me. I found that I had a new found confidence that I hadn't had before I had met him. So the night went off without a hitch and when we finally returned to my apartment we were ready to pass out. I took a shower then got into bed falling to sleep once my head hit the pillow. I got up the next morning and made breakfast again. This time I didn't worry about being careful about waking Brian up, he had to eat and hit the air port. We talked over breakfast and made plans to meet up in a month. Before he left I gave him the ID for Nick, a card I had made for AJ, my cell number for him and Kevin. Then gave him my office number for Howie, with that done we said good bye. I called my office and told them that a friend of mine might be calling soon.
*****Nick
The call from my Mom had come out of no where, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I was really about to lose it, Brian had taken off and no one had known where he had gone. These images of him pulling a disappearing act kept forming in my mind as I sat in my hotel room. Then my Mom called and we talked for a long time, then Aaron took the phone. Everything was starting to make sense again as I found I had my family back. There was only one thing missing and that was my twin brother who I really wanted to see. The things I had said to him had held no truth and just pure anger toward him. I had finally put all the pieces together as to why I had felt so much jealousy toward him. He had everything that I had wanted, only for the most part he didn't really want them. When I had been approached to join the Backstreet boys I didn't really have a choice in taking the job. Well, I did but my Mom could have really use the money, it would help a great deal. We weren't poor but it wasn't anything like how we all live now, so it had helped. Then I meet this guy that has a mind that just showed me how not smart I really was. Then to find out that he was my brother and had more money than I could really dream of. Only he didn't want that money, he wanted to start from nothing and work his way up in the world. That wasn't really all that bad, only people would kill for what he had.
After all that he slowly takes everything I had without even trying. He had my friends and family eating out of his hand in days. The reason he had been accepted so quickly was so simple. He was one of the greatest guys and had this huge heart that had space for everyone in it. I wasn't about to consider him a saint or anything, it was just that he could have been. He had his times when he could be the biggest jerk, but he was only human. Still he was my brother, he should be the one person I was closest to in the whole world. Only he was the one person that I had pushed the furthest away with my own damn foolishness. I had finally put all this together and hated that it had taken me so long to see. There was this thought that the next time I would see him would be after he had died or something. I would be an old man and walking up to a casket to find him laying there so lifeless. We would still look alike, only he would look better because of the life he had lived. My family would who had somehow managed to survive intact even at this age in my life would only see him. Only that thought didn't make me jealous anymore, it made sense that he would be all that they could see. I would turn to see Brian who couldn't even stand because of the pain that rocked his body. The others would look on with this look of total heartfelt pain. Then slowly the image changed to something far more disturbing.
It was like someone had waved their hand and everything changed in a flash. Now as I looked down at Ash's body he wasn't old anymore, he was young. I turned to see that everyone was how they looked now, not in my weird twisted world. I turned back and looked at Ash, under the make up people could see little cuts. Then his eyes slowly opened and he looked up at me. His lips started moving only there wasn't any sound just the wind blowing softly. I could almost understand him, he looked so sad, no longer was their anger in his eyes. Just this really sad look that said so much about who he was inside. I moved closer so I could hear him, but still there wasn't any sound, only wind. Then slowly I could hear his words that would change my world forever. "Don't be sad for me, it was meant to be, live for me, cause I can't I live myself. I love you Nick, no matter how you much you hate me, you're my brother, and you always will be." Then someone knocked on my door and I was brought out of my day dream that had turned into a nightmare. I got up and answered the door to find a really happy Brain holding a little package. "Ash sent you something, and I don't think he's all that pissed off at you anymore." I was a little shocked but took the small package before Brian moved down the hall. He had a few more things, nothing all that big but it was stuff Ash must have sent.
At least now I knew where Brian had been, and I was really happy for him. Since he seemed to be in really high spirits since he had just gotten back. I watched as he walked from door to door giving the guys the stuff Ash sent them. Then he almost skipped down the hall until he reached his room. He unlocked the door and entered with this almost carefree manner I had never seen in him before. I looked at Kevin who was smiling from ear to ear, he looked at peace. I opened the package to find a fake ID and a little note from Ash. He said that it was time to stop fighting, at least for now. I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief, maybe everything was starting to come together. Three or four days passed and I found out that Kevin had been calling Ash daily. I didn't know what it was about but it seemed to help Kevin in someway. We were still on tour but that didn't stop Howie from ordering clothes from some place. At least he had stopped attacking the poor malls of America. I would find Brian hiding out talking to Ash on his cell phone ever other night, it was kind of funny. I was talking to my Mom on a daily basis. Aaron was even going to come and hang out when he a got a break from his now busy life. Leslie had even promised to visit after she got out of the recording studio. Now all I really needed was for Ash to call me up.
I wasn't going to call him, I was just going to give him his space and time. When he was ready I knew he would call and tell me we could talk. Only this time I wasn't going to let my temper get the best of me. Even if he screamed at me at the top of his lungs, I wasn't going to get upset. I would let him get everything off his chest, then try to get him to hug me so we could try and get along. My phone was ringing off the hook and it had to be past three in the morning. I picked it up slowly and put it to my ear only I couldn't understand the person on the other line.
"Slow down my brain isn't working this well at this time of night. Mom, is that you, what's wrong did something happen to Aaron?" The words that left her mouth next would forever remain in my mind.
"No, your wrong, please tell me your wrong, what hospital? Ok, I'll be on the first plane with the guys, yeah keep me posted." I jumped out of my bed and got my clothes on then ran to the other rooms beating on the doors. They were all out of their rooms in a matter of minutes in their night clothing, or there lack of clothing.
"I just got off the phone with Mom, she said that Ash was in a really bad car accident. That he's in the hospital and that Brenda just called and she sounded really upset. I got all the information I need to get there, I just wanted to know if you guys were coming." I already knew the answer as they ran into their room's and got dressed.
We were all in a limo on the way to the air port in less than ten minutes. Kevin was on the phone telling management what was happening. He was making sure that all our stuff was picked up and transported to New York. Besides that the ride was in total silence. Instantly my day dream came crashing in as if it had been some kind of warning. I had heard that twins were connected at some really deep level that other people didn't have. Now I wondered if that were really true, and if it was how much of it would really happen. The idea of losing him before I got the chance to know him was starting to weigh down on me. I knew that if I had just grown up like I should have none of this would have happened. If only I could have seen the light before all of this madness had started. I wouldn't be on a plane to New York I would still be in bed with my brother across the hall. Maybe he would have even have been in Brian's room where he would have been happy. Now all of that could be lost because of a bunch of foolish choices I had made. I could lose the chance to tell him that everything I had said wasn't true. That he was loved because of who he was, and not because of a mistake my Mom had made.
No one spoke on the plane but you could feel the tension building as we got closer. When the plane landed we all moved without speaking straight to a limo that was waiting. Brian was starting to shake lightly as we got closer to the hospital, he looked like he was about to cry. Kevin and Howie didn't look to much better, AJ looked a little unnerved. That was saying a lot for him since he always managed to keep his cool no matter what. Then again with his grandmother being sick and all this it must be wearing down on him. When we finally reached the hospital we got out and found David waiting for us. His eyes were red rimmed but he didn't say anything as we followed him to the ICU unit. As we entered through the doors I saw people that I had excepted, but not in the condition I had excepted. Brenda was crying with my Mom and Jeff was pacing back and forth. Aaron was looking through a large window, he looked like he was frozen in place. Leslie was sitting by herself with her head in her hands, it was a moment of pause. The first thing that entered my mind was that it had to be really bad for Brenda to cry. The woman had never shown any kind emotion, now she was bawling. Jeff had always seemed to be in control of everything, now he was pacing. I had excepted my Mom to be crying, just not at that level. I went to her said and knelt down taking her hand slowly.
Brain had moved to Aaron's side looking through the glass window with him. I didn't have the guts to look through that window just yet. First I had to find out what had happened and how bad it really was. So I asked Mom slowly only she could really answer, she just looked to Brenda.
"He was in a cab on the way home from his office, he went to pick something up. The cabbie was new and didn't really know what he was doing, needless to say he turned down a one way street doing fifty. He hit another car at full speed Ash was thrown through the metal fence and out the front window. How he survived is still a mystery to the doctors. But he's alive, their just not sure if he'll ever wake up. They think he might be brain dead, and if he's going to continue to live he'll need life support for the rest of his life. They won't know until his brain returns to normal size, if it returns to normal size and he doesn't die from it." After she said that she started bawling again holding onto my Mom while she did it. I guessed I had been wrong about her, she did have a heart, it just took a lot to reach. She had been right about me I should have been the one they had gotten. Ash should have gotten our Mom, because that was what he had deserved. I finally forced myself to move to the window and look in, he looked really bad, like he was knocking on deaths door.
To Be Continued
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Other stories that I've written Falling, The Sryin, The Lost, Broken, It's A Wonderful Life, Gemini, Ghost, Where You Are, Libra, Simple Twist Of Fate, Angelic, and The Last Kiss Good Night