Doofus

DOOFUS

By Tommyhawk1@AOL.COM

Cecil dropped on the bed the minute I closed the door. "Whoo, honey, that last load did me in. I am down for the count! My pussy is dragging!"

"Thanks for helping me move." I said.

"Helping you commit suicide is more like it." Cecil said. "Honey, there is no way you'd get this girl in a place like this." As you can tell, Cecil is more than a bit effeminate, but he was my best friend. "Why any self-respecting gay man would want to move into a...." And he paused and gave a rather theatrical shudder, hands clutching his chest as if cold, "...dormitory is beyond me. You could sleep on my couch until you found a place, you know."

"Thanks, but I can't afford it, and I have to hit the books anyway." I assured him. "Unless I get my grades back up, I'll lose my scholarship."

"Now, honey." And Cecil placed his broad, black hand on my shoulder. "You aren't still moping about Bill, are you?"

"No." I said to him, and that didn't sound like enough. "Honest, I'm fine now. But I'm not ready to dive back into the party scene, either."

"A mourning period, uh-huh." Cecil said.

"Not even that." I said. "Just that when you've been hurt, you aren't ready to have it happen again quite so soon."

"Now, honey, I warned you about Bill right from the start. He was too cute, and too wild. That kind of a man never rates as anything more than a pit stop on the race for the golden ring."

"Yeah, you told me." I conceded glumly. "Well, this girl...." I snapped my fingers left-and-right in imitation of him, I don't talk or act like that the rest of the time, "...is out of the running for a couple of laps. From now on, it's classes and professors and the library for me."

"You're still coming to my party Saturday night, aren't you?"

"Sure." I said. "Just do me a favor and don't play matchmaker. Got it?"

"I got it." Cecil said. "And remember that the couch is yours whenever you want it. Like as soon as you meet the roommate that has this place." And he gestured at my roommate's belongings.

You don't expect college guys to have the best stuff, but there was something a little beyond second-hand about his things. It was the sort of stuff you'd expect the Joad family (that's "Grapes of Wrath" in case you've forgotten) to be packing along for the trip.

"I'll remember that." I promised as Cecil left. I was relieved that he was gone, and decided that if I really wanted to get along with the guys in the dorm, the further away I kept Cecil from this place, the better. It was back into the closet for me, for the next two months, anyway. Except for visits to Cecil, of course. Or the bars if it got too much for me.

I was putting away the last of my stuff when the door unlocked by itself. My roommate, of course. I turned around and smoothed my hair and prepared to say hello.

You should have seen what walked in the door. Plenty of guys around age eighteen are cursed with a gangly body, but this guy seemed to have been put together out of mismatched old bones covered up with a skin two sizes too small for it! His head was large and round topped but with a squared-off jaw which perched atop a thin neck, and the entire thing leaned forward, advertising further an already-prominent set of buckteeth. He had dull washed-out sandy-colored hair and dull blue eyes. His elbows and ankles were visible knobs and he didn't walk, he sort of...ambled into the room. I kept waiting for him to fall apart into a mass of component pieces.

"Hello." I said.

"Hi." He said. "You must be my new roommate. I'm Daniel, but everyone calls me Danny. Except for my mother, who calls me Daniel. And my father, who calls me Dan. And Uncle Bob, who calls me Sport. And my last roommate, who called me Doofus. I didn't like that. He moved out and down the hall."

"I'll call you Danny." I promised. Yeesh, I saw what his former roommate meant! "I'm sorry you didn't get along with your roommate."

"Oh, we got along all right." he said. "He said he moved out because I whacked off in bed every night. What's wrong with that?"

"Uh." I said, paused. "Nothing." Another pause. "I guess."

"Lots of guys whack off in bed at night, before they go to sleep, or when they wake up in the morning. Right?"

"I'm sure they do." It's true, you will tug at your collar in a situation like this! That lump that forms in your throat is a whopper!

"Do you whack off in your bed at night?"

"Uh, this is not a conversation we should be having right now." I said uncomfortably.

"Okay." He said. "But he whacked off in bed at night, too. Every night, too. I mentioned that and he got mad. I think it was because his girlfriend was here when I mentioned that to him. Do you think that's why he got mad?"

"Yeah, that was probably it." I said.

"Well, if you want to whack off in bed at night, go right ahead. I won't tell anybody. I've learned my lesson." he said with finality.

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that."

"It's dinnertime. You want to go to dinner with me?"

"Uh." Well, I was hungry. And I might as well try to get along with this guy. "Sure, why not. I don't know just where the lunchroom is. You can show me the way there."

"Sure, I'll take you there. It'll be nice to have you for a friend." Danny said as we walked along the hall. Then to two guys who were coming this way. "Hey, guys!"

"Hey, Doofus!" One of them said.

"This is my new roommate, Colin." Danny volunteered eagerly.

I shook their hands and said hello.

"So you're rooming with Doofus, huh?" the second guy said.

"Yeah, it looks like it." I said. "Just for the semester."

He clapped my shoulder in consolation. "Good luck, Colin. You'll need it." And as we walked away, he finished. "God, are you going to need it!"

That was my first meeting with Danny. Once you got used to his rather frank and unselfconscious ramblings, he wasn't a bad guy. It wasn't like I planned to live with this guy forever, just two months until the end of spring semester. You can put up with a lot for that long, you know? And Danny would always shut up when I had to study and he'd leave me alone, though sometimes I would take a break and look up and he'd be sitting there, poised and eager to talk to me as soon as he possibly could.

Danny was a terrible student, I soon learned. He was trying, but he didn't have any "book smarts" as he put it. I helped him with his homework for a time, but gave up after a while, because he was obviously never going to graduate. I made some careful excuses about being busy myself and he let me out of it easy enough.

And true to his warning when we first met, he would masturbate in bed every night. Quite unselfconsciously, too. It didn't matter if I was still up and the lights were all on, when he was ready for bed, he'd get undressed down to some very worn boxers and crawl into his bed and then he would proceed to whack his meat under the covers. It would only take him a few minutes, then he'd be done, panting loudly, he'd shoot it right into his blanket, I could see the dark spot where it soaked through, and then he'd sigh noisily in relief and go on to sleep, while I sat there smelling that especially and uniquely rank smell of jizz, and try to keep studying. Trying not to look over at his crotch all wet with his sperm and how the blanket bragged about how big his cock was.

Danny had a big cock. I hadn't seen it yet, but the bulge in his boxers and the height in the bed during his whack-off time made it abundantly clear that he was packing a real monster in those cheap jeans of his. I made the mistake one day of mentioning that to Cecil at one of his little dinners, at a time when we were trading confidences. It had seemed harmless enough.

But the very next evening, Cecil dropped by to visit me in the dorm. I was worried, but Danny seemed oblivious to such things as Cecil's swishy manners. He talked to Cecil in all apparent good humor, and the time passed.

"Well, it must be about bedtime." Cecil said after a while. "Are you sleepy yet, Danny?"

"No, I'm fine, Cecil, thanks."

"But you should get your beauty sleep. God knows you need it." Cecil said. He'd been saying vicious things like that to Danny all night long, but Danny seemed to miss the insult every time.

"Oh, I can sleep late tomorrow morning." Danny replied to that remark.

"But you don't go right to sleep." Cecil pressed him. "Or so I'm told."

"Cecil!" I said sharply.

"What?" he looked at me innocently.

"Drop the subject." I said sternly.

"But honey, you were telling me about his little nighttime ritual. I was just hoping to see if it were true or not." Cecil turned to Danny. "Colin tells me that you stroke your little gentleman every night. Right in front of him."

"Not in front of him." Danny protested. "I have my covers on."

"Yes, your covers." Cecil was perched on Danny's bed, he reached over and scratched at one white-crusted area. "These poor things need to be washed out something terrible. It's stiff as a board." Cecil looked frankly at Danny's crotch. "Is anything else stiff right now, dear?"

"That does it!" I was angry. Telling a friend a secret is one thing, having them use it like this was another. "Cecil, go home!"

"But I want to watch like you do!" Cecil protested.

"No." I said. I walked to the door and opened it. "Now go home. And don't come to visit me again unless you call first and I say it's okay. You got me?"

Cecil walked to the door and as I started to shut it, he said, "Fine, go ahead and play with your boyfriend, if that's the way you're going to be! I'll just stand out here and wait until you're finished!" And Cecil began to sing, loud, right there in the hallway. It was Barbra Streisand's "My Man," too. You know, "Oh, my man, I love him so! He'll never know!" Loud as a bastard.

When Cecil gets like this, there was no way to stop him short of violence. He had done this before, but never to me. The only thing to do, though, was ignore him until he gave up and went away. Anything I would say or do would just prolong things.

So I sat there while he sang, "My Man" then "Secondhand Rose" (he was stuck on the "Best of Barbra" tonight!), then it was "Don't Rain on My Parade" (or whatever the title of that song is). There were increasingly shouted protests from my neighbors, and then voices just outside my door, and then silence.

Danny had ignored it, and begun to get undressed for bed, like a flaming queen hadn't just been serenading outside our door.

"I'm sorry about that." I said to Danny. "It's all my fault, I shouldn't have said anything to him at all. We were just talking, and you know how that goes."

"He wanted to watch me whack off." Danny said as he stepped out of his jeans and hung them on the door knob like always.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"He can't do that. People aren't supposed to watch." Danny pointed out.

"I know, and I really am sorry, Danny." God, the bulge in those boxers! Always his cock was down one of those legs, so that the open fly in front didn't show anything, but you could see how the one leg was stretched out some, a bulge that ran over halfway down to his knee.

"Except for your roommate, maybe." Danny said.

"Huh?" I was entranced by the sight, and it didn't register right away, then I was shocked and looked up at him.

"And especially if your roommate is your friend. Then he can watch. Do you want to watch me?"

He wasn't coming on to me, exactly. It was like he was saying, "Do you want to help me bake a cake?" or "Do you want to share this umbrella?" Like it was something he had planned for one, but didn't mind sharing.

"Uh, that's okay." I said.

"I know you've been looking at me when I whack off." he pointed out. "You try not to look, but you keep forgetting and looking over. I don't mind. You can watch."

"Well..." What the hell do you say to something like that? Especially to a guy like Danny? "Uh, thanks, Danny. I appreciate that." And I did! I mean, I blabbed his secret and he didn't care. Even trusted me further. I DID appreciate it!

I turned away as he moved toward his bed, decided to get in bed myself. That would let me turn off the lights. I pulled off my t-shirt and shucked my gym shorts, and now was down to my jockstrap, which was how I was sleeping these days. You never go totally naked in a dorm room, but you're allowed to wear a jock as if it were sufficient clothing. So I did.

I turned around to get to the light switch, which was between our beds, and my jaw dropped.

Danny wasn't under the covers, he was on top of them. Pounding his meat clear to the open air. And looking right at me.

That cock was as big as it had always looked. It arced up like a bow, and stood well over a foot long. How long? The distance from your fingertips to your elbow, that's how long!

It had a thick foreskin that was a dull-gray-brown color against his lighter skin. I looked, his foreskin was the exact shade of his hair! His pubic hair was surprisingly dark brown in contrast.

The long, knobby fingers of his right hand were wrapped around his cock and he was languidly pumping it while looking over at me. My mouth moved like a fish's, a soundless "wa-wa-wa"

"Can you see it okay?" he asked me after a time.

"Uh...yeah."

"It's okay if you look." he said. "I like the idea that you're looking at it. Makes it kind of special between you and me."

"Yeah." I said. I found myself short of breath, I had forgotten to breathe! I licked my lips and panted to make up for it.

"Colin?" Danny said.

"Yes, Danny?"

"Can I see yours, too? That would make this even more special."

I licked my lips again. My cock, much more pragmatic than my brain, rose up like a puppy begging for a tidbit from the table.

"I bet yours is really nice." Danny said.

That made me throw a hard-on. Even from a goofball like Danny, hearing something like that makes a fellow feel so good.

"Please, Colin, let me see it. I showed you mine."

I couldn't pretend I wasn't turned on by this show. I silently reached down and tugged at the elastic edge of the jockstrap, and fished my cock out from beneath it by pulling the jockstrap to one side. That pushed my cock over to where it pressed against my leg, but still stiff and straight.

"Wow." Danny said without emphasis or sarcasm, a simple sound of adoration. "That is a nice one."

"Thanks." I said.

"Would you whack it for me, while I watch? Like I'm doing?" Danny begged me.

I stepped over to the narrow space between the beds, a bare foot of floor space, enough to stand but no more. Danny pivoted his long legs around to place his feet on the floor and he sat on the side of his bed, his long back curving upwards, making his body a smooth arc of white flesh, and suddenly he didn't look gangly at all. Just long, lean and smooth, like a panther. Except for that doofus-face of his, he looked good, damned good!

I took my cock in my hand and began to pump it slowly, the same pace he was giving his cock, and found that tempo was as exciting in its way as a furious pounding.

"Sit down, like me." Danny said.

I sat down, slowly.

"That's better." he observed. "I can see it much better like this." Our legs were almost touching, the hairs on our legs kissed from time to time.

"That's a big handful you got there, Danny." I said after a moment. He'd been doing all the talking, it didn't seem fair not to say something myself.

"Yeah, my cock is so big. Mom says it means I'll have to be sure to keep some lubricant if I want to make love to a woman. Otherwise, I'd hurt her with it, Mom says."

Funny, but his comments about his mother didn't diminish my ardor in the least. From Danny, it sounded right. "Well, she's right about that. That's a big, mean-looking pud you have there. Hard as a rock, too."

"It's not hard." Danny said. "It's all soft and feels like silk."

"Yeah?" I asked, frankly looking at it now.

"Sure." He said.

I don't know where my sudden courage was coming from. "Mind if I feel it? Just for a while?"

"Sure, Colin, go ahead." Danny said. "You and me are friends. You can touch it all you want."

"Thanks." I said and I reached over and he let go as I took that monster prick in my hand. "You're right." I agreed, as I pumped that gigantic pole. "It's as soft as silk."

"Colin, can I touch yours, too?"

"Sure." I said. "You can touch it all you want."

Danny reached over and grabbed my cock and I was surprised how well he managed my smaller prong. Not that I had anything to be ashamed of, but after working a huge cock like his, my looked small. But Danny's fingers gave it loving attention.

"This is great." Danny said as he played with my cock and I pumped his long dong, big strokes, trying to work the entire length with each stroke. It was a hell of a feeling, moving my arm, my entire arm, to work that dick of his. You usually just use your forearm to pound a prick, but his took all my arm.

"You like this?" I asked.

"Yeah." Danny moaned. "You can whack me off anytime you want to."

"Thanks, Danny." I said. "Want to feel something even better?"

"Sure." Danny said. "But what?"

He really didn't know! Honest, he had never heard of it! Not with another man, that is. As for men and women being the same in that, it had never occurred to him. So I startled the hell out of him when I leaned over and took that long, luscious, silken prong into my mouth. Startled and pleased him no end. I was giving him a sensation he'd never even thought about before, as he put it later, "I had my best friend sucking on my cock. Oh, man, it was great!" But he said that just to me. When Danny chose to keep a secret, he kept it well.

But right then, Danny was in heaven, I had his prong humming in no time, heating up and he moaned, "Stop, stop!"

I did when his fingers came down and pulled me off. "Danny, what's wrong?" I asked him. "I was going to come." he pointed out.

"I know." I said. "That was the idea."

"But I would have shot it in your mouth."

"I know." I repeated. "I wanted you to."

He had never considered this, it was a moral dilemma of sorts. But he resolved it in his own inimitable way. "Well, okay, but I have to do you, too."

"Well...of course you do." I agreed. I wondered if those buck teeth were going to be a problem!

They weren't, of course, soon Danny and I were lying head-to-toe on the bed and I had that wonderful schlong of his shoved as far down my throat as I could get it, while Danny sucked on my cock like a madman. Making up for lost time, near as I could tell, and he was doing a great job of it, for I felt his cock surging with the heat of pre-ejaculation, and my own climax was pooling in my balls. Danny was groaning like crazy, to where I realized that he was deliberately holding back. But why?

He was waiting for me, of course! I realized that, and the sheer kindness of that, the unselfishness of his motions and his smooth lips on my pud, and I groaned and he groaned back in gratitude, and with him echoing my every grunt, we reached our peaks together and when I was assaulted with the powerful surge of climax, it was to the accompaniment of that huge prick pumping Danny's jizz into my mouth and his mouth sucking me dry as fast as I could pour it into him.

Done, we lay still for a time, the only sound his tremendous gasps of relief. I kissed his thick prong, which lay there still like a roll of wet velveteen cloth and his warm hand held my drenched cock and kept it wrapped and safe against the coolness of the night air.

I rose after a time and got into my own bed. Danny got under his covers and I looked over as I reached to turn off the light.

"Thank you, Colin." Danny said to me. "That was really good. Can we do it again some other time? Like, tomorrow night?"

"Sure, Danny." I smiled at him, at that simple face. "Tomorrow night and every night. It's a promise. You'll never have to whack off in bed at night again. Not all alone, anyway."

"Thank you." he grinned, and I turned off the light. That grin made me thoughtful. When was the last time a lover had been as grateful for the gift of my body as Danny was? Bill usually just turned over onto his back away from me and went to sleep. But Danny looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world. It was a really nice feeling.

Bill showed up on the campus the next afternoon. I still think Cecil sent him over. He should have known better, my feelings for Bill were still very, very confused. It was easy for Bill to beg for a chance to talk alone, then the coffee in the student union, the words of regret and pledge to do better, the dismissal of the others as "they meant nothing to me," the lies that never get stale because you want, so much, to believe it.

Once he had me believing the lies, it was so easy for him to take control of me again. Bill was always the one in charge in our relationship, that black hair and thick eyebrows that made him so easily the master and me the one whose will was submerged in his. From the student union it was laughing and holding hands for the world to see, and back to my dorm room for some fun.

I was kissing Bill and he said, "Got any lube?"

"No." I said, then I remembered. "But my roommate has. Probably in his desk."

Bill ransacked Danny's desk drawer, and came out with it. "Yep, here it is. How did you know about it?"

"He mentioned it to me. He mentions everything."

"Yeah, Cecil told me about him. A total weirdo." Bill said. Which is how I know Cecil set this all up. "God, Colin, we have to get you out of this dump."

I was too busy sucking Bill's cock to argue, and from there it was Bill's hand shoving the lube up my ass (he never rubbed it on his cock, he felt that it belonged in my ass instead), and then he was rolling me onto my back and shoving his sweet prong into me and humping me with the skill and power he'd always used to own me, own me completely.

In the midst of my glad cries as Bill impaled me with his beautiful pud, Danny walked in on us. I never even heard the door lock work.

I was startled, and tried to move, but I was pinned under Bill. Danny just blushed and closed the door, went away. Bill never moved, just held still until we were private again, and commenced to fucking me again. He climaxed soon after, and I was still a long way away from my orgasm, but he let go and got up as usual, leaving me to pound my pud alone.

When I was done with my lonely orgasm, he said, "Well, let's get your stuff packed and we can move you back tonight."

"Back?" I said.

"Sure." He said. "You're moving back in with me."

Bill always made the decisions in our relationships. I wouldn't have even left him if he hadn't told me to leave because I was getting mad at his other boyfriends and lovers, whom he brought over whenever he wanted to and I was supposed to go away until he was done.

So you can understand entirely the emotion he had when I said, "No, I'm not moving back."

"You aren't?" he said, clouding up. "Now, listen, Colin, I came here to get you, and by God, you're coming with me."

"No!" I said firmly. "I'm not going back. You threw me out, remember?"

"Well, now I'm telling you to come back."

"I'm not coming back."

"We'll see about that." And then Bill was upon me again, and this time his touches were not gentle. He had never hit me before, but with his power, with his strength over me, I didn't do anything but cower down and let him rain blows upon my arms and my head, trying futilely to protect my head with my hands, which weren't big enough to cover it all, not enough!

But Danny heard. He came charging in and plowed into Bill, pulling him off of me and then shoving him backwards. "You can't hurt my friend!" he said. "You get out of here!"

"Listen, moron, I'll treat him any way I want to!" Bill said.

And Danny punched Bill. Right in the face, that strong, powerful face, he punched Bill and in that punch, Bill crumpled in more ways than one. He reeled back, clutching his nose which frothed with blood from both nostrils, and his power over me vanished.

Nude, splattered with my come and his, I said, "Get out of here, Bill. And don't ever come back."

Bill left, moaning about his nose and where was the restroom. Danny shut the door, and he came over to me and he said, "You're hurt."

My right eye felt swollen. "I'll be all right." I said.

"We should report him to the Dean." Danny said. "That's what you're supposed to do."

"If he comes back, we will." I said. "But I don't think he'll be back."

"That's good." Danny said. "Let me look at you."

I let Danny check me over. I had bruises, but no bleeding anywhere, no broken skin.

"I'm sorry I walked in on you." he said when he was done. "Is that why he was hitting you?"

"Not exactly." I said. "He wanted me to move back in with him."

"You did...what you were doing...all the time with him?"

"Yes, I did." I admitted. It seemed sordid and dirty now, just the way Danny had said it.

"Do you like that, when a guy does that to you?" he asked me.

"If I like the guy, yes." I agreed. "And when he likes me, too, it can be wonderful."

A long silence. "I like you." Danny said bashfully.

I looked into that face. That simple, homely, honest face. The opposite of Bill in every way. "And I like you, too." I said.

"Colin, can I...? Can I...?"

I laid a hand on his arm. "You sure can, Danny. As much as you want to."

The smile on his face was like sunrise over the desert on a spring morning, illuminating the cactus flowers and desert blooms. Then he grinned wider, and that showed his buckteeth like a discordant note in a symphony.

Well...okay, so he's a doofus! So he has buckteeth, and talks incessantly about intimate things like it was a grocery list.

I was used to him now. I could live with him.

The rest of my life, if I was lucky.

THE END

[For more stories, visit my site "Tommyhawk's Fantasy World." You can find the link to it in Nifty's Links section.]