Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not represent the real people that might be mentioned here. If you are under 18 or if it is illegal to read this in the country where you live, the city where you are, etc. then don't. Again, this is just some fantasy I concocted in my head so don't get insulted.
Author's Note: Here's another chapter. I think I'm doing well with these updates...well, at least better. Well, I hope everybody had a nice Valentine's Day.
Chapter 22 Written by: Bear
It's one of those perfect Orlando days where the sun was showing off its glory and the few clouds in the sky was only there to provide a contrast to the ravishing blue sky that stretch to the horizon. It was fairly quiet in an attractive gated community where most of its inhabitants were either at work or on a trip to the nearest lake, sea, or beach to enjoy the day's fine weather. In one of these houses, however, a brown haired man was hastily running around the kitchen gathering any food he could grab. The kitchen was filled with a certain indescribable tension as two other men sat in the chairs of the breakfast table. One of them, a curly haired well built youth watched intently as the brunette ran through the room talking as abruptly while the other, a blond beauty, stared upon the tablecloth as if examining it thoroughly.
"I...I didn't know you guys were coming. I would have arranged something. Picked you up at the airport. Gotten food at least. Something." The brunette said as he placed a plate of fruits and some bowls on the table.
"Well, I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. I guess it just didn't work out as well as I hoped." The curly haired youth replied.
"Yes, talk about bad timing. Your mom left last night to handle some business in New York." JC said as he added a box of cereal and some a bottle of milk on the table.
"I...I probably should have told her. When is she gonna be back?" Justin asked.
"Um...she should be back on Friday night, the latest." JC said as he finally took a seat with them in the table.
"Oh..." Justin groaned out looking a little disappointed.
"Why? Aren't you guys gonna stay that long?"
"No but we have to be back in LA on Sunday that's all. I just wanted to spend more time with her...and plus to you know...um...so she could get to know Nick." Justin said looking towards Nick who suddenly brought his head up from looking at the table at the mention of his name. Nick gave a small smile in reply.
"So how are you, Nick?" JC asked sincerely with a light in his eye and a beautiful smile on his face.
"I'm...I'm...doing good." Nick answered back in a soft almost whispery voice.
"That's nice to hear, so the tour now not taking too much of a toll on you?" JC asked trying to get Nick to talk more. Justin gave JC a smile as he appreciated JC's thoughtfulness.
"It's pretty much like all the other tours before except that..." Nick said as he momentarily stopped as he changed his gaze from JC's to Justin.
"I'm there for him." Justin said as he finished Nick's statement which made Nick blush a bit.
"Oh...that's nice." JC said as a little forced smile came about his face.
"Yes, I really like it actually. Different from anything we've done. I don't have to think about that night's concert or dance rehearsals or singing. The only thing I really have to concern myself with is Nick's happiness." Justin said as he brought his right hand upon the table and took Nick's left hand in his.
Nick was a little shock in the display of affection especially in front of JC. Nick looked at Justin with wide eyes as if asking what the hell do you think you're doing. Nick tried to pull his hand out of Justin's but Justin held on tighter. Now, JC's eyes were fixed upon the two hands that were now holding each other. "I'm...I'm happy for you Curly. I'm happy that you've finally found love." JC said as he looked at the couple. "And Nick, I'm glad that Justin's finally found you. You make him happy and that's all that matters in my book." JC said as he gave Nick a sincere smile in which Nick replied with a blushing face.
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"Come on get out of bed. I want to do something today. I don't want to stay here all cooped up. We've finally got some time off and I want to at least enjoy it." He yelled to the figure under the blankets.
"Fuck off. You go out and do something." The figure answered back.
"You can't just mope in here all day. It won't do any good." The tall brown haired man retorted as he looked around the bedroom. "You'll just get more depressed than you are now. Come on, look at this place. You won't have any choice but to think of him."
"Why the hell did we have to get time off anyways? I was totally happy working." The blond haired green eyed man answered back.
"Cause it was in the schedule and we needed a time off before we start the next leg of the tour. Now come on. Get." Brad said as he tried to pull the covers off him.
"No." Rich said as he tried unsuccessfully at stopping Brad. "You're an dickhead you know that."
"Yes...yes, call me whatever you want as long as we get out of here."
"I ain't leaving." Rich said with some authority. He then turned to his side and reached for something next to his pillows. "God, don't we look good together. Look at this, we look so wonderful in this one. Him in his costume for the show and me in my khakis on the stage." Rich said as he turned back towards Brad holding pictures in his hands. "He looks so wonderful in this one. His smile so captivating with that hint of desire in his eyes." Rich then flipping through the next pictures commenting every one and a while on Nick's face, eyes, and body to which Brad acted like he didn't give a care. Brad rolled his eyes finally as Rich kept looking through the pictures. "Oh, I remember this. We started a shaving foam fight. He was about to shave in his dressing room when I walked in. I took the can and sprayed him with some. He just looked shocked for a second before reaching for another can and got me all over. He's...he's...simply perfect." Rich said as he went back into the deep memories of his mind as he silently dreamed of a day when he would finally have Nick.
"Oh, please..." Brad said getting fed up of Rich's obsession.
"I wonder what he's doing right now?" Rich asked to no one in particular.
"Probably having more fun than I am right now." Brad replied in which Rich didn't even react to. Finally like lighting an idea struck him, "Um, can I look at those pictures?" Brad asked and in returned Rich dazedly brought his hand out and gave the stack of pictures to Brad. "Thank you. Now I'll just burn these." Brad said as he stood up and ran out of the room.
It took Rich a moment to wake up from his daydream and Brad's words to register in his brain. "What?" Rich yelled. "No! No! Brad! No! Please!" Rich shouted as he jumped out of bed only in his boxers and ran out of the room. Rich ran into the kitchen where Brad stood over the stove that had been already lit with the pictures only inches from the flames. "No, Brad please don't." Rich begged out.
"Are you gonna get out of this stupid state that your in and go out with me and enjoy this break of ours?" Brad asked.
"No! Now give me back the pictures." Rich screamed.
"Oops! I think I lost my grip." Brad said innocently as one of the pictures fell upon the flame and started to burn.
"You asshole!" Rich hollered as he took a step forward Brad.
"Back. Back, unless you want all of these to go into the flames." Brad warned as Rich took a few steps back. "So, let's try this again. Are you gonna get out of this house and enjoy our break?" Brad once again asked as Rich stared at the pictures. There was still some uncertainty in his eyes so Brad continued with his threat. "Better hurry, I think I'm starting to loose my grip."
With a sigh Rich answered, "Okay, fine. Yes, I'll go out."
"You don't sound so sure. I'm not really that convinced. Uh oh, I think one of them is about to fall from my fingertips."
"Yes! Yes, I want to enjoy our break. Just don't burn the pictures!" Rich yelled out.
"Well that's better. So, let's refine the agreement. You enjoy your time off. Go out with your friends and you get the pictures back. Right?" Brad asked.
"Yes." Rich answered in which Brad cocked his right eyebrow to Rich's reply. "Yes, I promise to enjoy my time off. Go out and party and have fun." Rich added.
"Okay, now here are your pictures." Brad said as he was reached his hand out towards Rich. "On second thought, maybe I'll just keep these just in case. You'll get them back at the end of the week." Brad said right before pulling his hand out before Rich could get a grasp upon the pictures.
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On the other side of the continent, in a valley on the northern part of California there was just a hint of haze upon the hills. The spring hasn't fully arrived yet in this part of the country where the temperature was still a little cool. Its elevation didn't help the matters but it gave the countryside a mystique ambiance. As a low fog held the top of the hills a stallion with a golden mane came running towards a late eighteenth century stables. Upon the horse, riding with confidence, was a great presence of a man: dark, brooding, elegant, and an essence of masculinity. He slowed down the mustang as he approached the stable and stepped down from one side. He casually took horse's strap upon his hand and then murmured something upon the horse's ears as he gently glided his palm across its nose. Then he stepped aside and guided the horse into the barn. He momentarily stopped, as he was shocked to see a figure leaning upon the stables' entrance looking at him with a sly smile.
"I thought you might be here." The other man said casually.
"How'd you find me?" He replied as he walked passed him leading the horse into its enclosure.
The man moved beside him and looked tenderly upon the equine animal. "Easy, I followed the horse."
"What?" He asked completely confused.
"You're not that hard to figure out Kevin even though you try to make it out to be. I knew you wouldn't go that far away or fly back across the country so I asked around for a place that was well known for their horses and served one mean breakfast. So here I am, in the middle of northern California at a bed and breakfast that has fine horses." Howie explained.
"Well, congratulations. Now you found me. What do we have for the lucky gentleman, Charlie?"
"Sarcasm doesn't suit you well Kevin. I wouldn't try it again." Howie said jokingly.
"Yes, you ruin my nice tranquil vacation and still find time to insult me." Kevin said as he started to walk to the house.
"Oh give me a break Kev, I was just joking. You know ha ha. That kind of thing or have you forgotten." Howie said trying to catch up to him.
"I don't need to give care. I'm on vacation. You guys are old enough to take care of yourselves."
"You don't make it very easy to help you."
"What?" Kevin cried out as he stopped to look at Howie. "Me, need help? Preposterous."
"Everybody needs a shoulder every now and then."
"And why exactly do I need a shoulder? Prey do tell me." Kevin remarked.
"Nick." Howie's one word answer.
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A mild commotion was taking place in the middle of the family room in the Harliss' residence. Two seemingly grown men were rolling around on the carpet trying to get the upper hand on the other. Only moments ago the house had been quiet except for the nice exchange of thoughts that was happening between the two as they waited for the sleeping angel upstairs to finally wake up. It was already mid-afternoon and the day was oh so willing to bid farewell so that night could take over. Quiet steps were taken as the Angel finally woke up to the slight rumbling of his stomach. He walked down the stairs and upon reaching the floor below he heard a giggling fit surge to his ears. He walked towards the family room as he tried to control his curly hair with his right hand. What he saw as he reached the doorway took his breath away.
"Say Uncle. Say Uncle." JC said as he sat upon Nick's stomach tickling his sides with one hand and the other trying to hold Nick's hand back.
"No...no...stop...I...stop..." Nick tried to say in between his laughs.
"Say Uncle. Just say Uncle." JC said not stopping his abuse.
"No..." Nick laughed out as he tried to free his hands. Finally with a little help from his legs he was able to get JC off balance enough so that one of his hands were free. Nick quickly pushed JC off him and tried to crawl away as he tried to control his laughter.
"You're not getting away that easy Carter." JC said as he got back his balance and pounced on Nick pushing Nick upon the carpet on his stomach. JC quickly got a hold of both Nick's hands and pulled them towards his back holding them like a police would do before cuffing their assailant. "So am I going to have to make you laugh till you cry or are you just gonna..."
"Ahhhh...Hummmm..." Justin coughed out loudly trying to get the two's attention.
JC looked to where the sound emanated and smiled. "Hi Justin. Glad to see you're finally awake." JC said a little out of breath.
Nick took his face from the floor and looked up and smiled at Justin. "Hi!" He said with a goofy smile.
"Hi honey. Having fun?" Justin asked with some sarcasm.
"Tons." Nick said as he rolled his eyes.
"Um...C, would you kindly get off my man? As much as I like my honey upon the floor I rather be the one on top of him."
JC quickly got up from Nick and use his hand to brush off his shirt. "Yeah, sorry about that."
Nick hurriedly got up from the floor and rushed up to Justin embracing him and placing a quick kiss upon his cheek. "Love, he tried to torture me." Nick said in a little kiddie voice and a pout.
"He poured water on me." JC retorted back as he pointed to his hair and his slightly wet shirt.
"He was boring me with stupid stories."
"You're the one who asked me to tell you things about Justin." JC responded. "Oh, I'm gonna get you back for this." JC said as he stepped towards them.
Nick quickly turned them around so that now Justin was in between him and JC as JC approached them. "Love..." Nick whined out as Justin held onto Nick a little tighter.
"I'm gonna go change my shirt. You watch out Blondie." JC sinisterly said as he walked out of the room. In reply, Nick stuck his tongue out at him and embraced Justin tighter before placing his head upon Justin's shoulder.
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With no interference from the city, the sky looked amazing in northern California. Every star shone into the night while a tranquil silence was held throughout the countryside. A little chilly but just right for sweater weather, two men sat upon lounge chairs on the second story balcony with a table in between them. One of them reached for his glass on the table and took a sip of his Long Island ice tea. Deciding to finally break the silence he said, "So are you gonna wait till I'm thoroughly pissed or talk to me before then." He heard no reply and saw no reaction from his companion hence he decided that maybe its better to approach the subject in another way. He stood up from his chair and approached the ledge. He brought his gaze up to the sky and smiled. "When I was a child I always used to sing in front of my family or do those talent shows. Afterwards they would always tell me that someday that I would be great and become a big star. I never knew how to react to their compliments but it gave me this feeling of hopefulness. That maybe that they were right and I would become a great big star. So late at night I would look up in the sky and try to figure out which of those stars I would become. All of them were different, some were big but didn't shine as well and then there would be the small stars but they always stood out in the sky. They would shine greater and finer than the bigger ones. I always wanted to be that small star that lit up the night sky. They might not be as popular or as extensive as the big stars but to me, I always thought that to the people who knew and cared for them they thought that the little star was better than any of the other stars because it was devoted to them." Howie finished before taking another sip from his glass and returning back to his seat.
A couple of minutes of silence passed between the two. Kevin looked deep in thought as he said, "Thanks for coming to find me, D." He didn't even look towards Howie's direction but said it as if nobody was there. There was no emotion in his voice but to Howie it was at least a start.
"What are friends for?" Howie replied deciding to let Kevin lead the conversation.
Another moment of silence passed between the two. "I am okay, D. I'm fine." Kevin said.
"Uh huh." Howie murmured his answer.
Silence again as if Kevin was contemplating his next words. "Justin's a great guy. He makes Nick happy."
"He must be to win over AJ's confidence...and he's the most untrusting of all of us." Howie commented.
"Yeah, a great guy." Kevin restated.
Howie didn't know if that was his cue to lead the conversation but he took the initiative and did. "How do you feel, Kev?"
"Good most of the time, sometimes there's an emptiness inside me, and there's certain moments when my heart feels heavy, like physically heavy." Kevin answered in a monotone voice as if he's practiced the response thousands of times.
"Why?"
"Good cause I see him everyday and think that he's happy, sometimes empty cause I feel lonely, and I don't really know why my heart feels heavy. Maybe I long for his love or his touch but maybe I want what he has." Kevin replied with a sigh.
"When was it Kev? When did you start having these feelings?"
"For Nick you mean?"
"Uh huh..."
A smile crept upon Kevin's face. "It was always somehow there. I remember I would get so frustrated with him sometimes. We'd get into these stupid arguments and AJ or one of you guys would just reason it out as the age gap between us. It was never like that. The frustration resulted from my longing. I had these indescribable emotions for Nick. Logically, how could a grown man succumb to such a juvenile adolescent? It never made any sense in my mind and it would result in these exchanges of outbursts between me and Nick. It would never last long though, you guys never saw what happened afterwards. He always needed me and in turn I needed him. He brought light into my life. Uptight, mature, responsible, distinguished Kevin needn't be there all the time. When it was just me and him I could let my defenses down. When you guys would go out to a club or bar for the night Nick would come to my room and install whatever game system he had for the moment and just start to play. Would never ask and would never bother me to play. He would simply wait, as if somehow he always knew, that eventually I'd put down the paperwork that had to be done the next day and take that extra controller that he had and play with him. Or that after watching a scary movie, even though he would be the first one to try to make us jump in the terrifying scenes, he would softly knock on my door afterwards and ask me if he could stay for the night. And when I would try to turn off the light he'd ask very politely if we could leave it on. He always hated the dark after a scary movie. To him the dark always seemed to be a lot darker after a scary movie as if hiding something that shouldn't be there. I never had the pressure to be a stature of man in front of him. All I had to give him was a equal companion and most of the time on his terms and on his level." Kevin said with a little chuckle. "I'll never admit this to him but I went out of my way to learn anything and everything about those stupid games. Read every magazine that had tips, tricks or anything about gameplay on each system on each game he owned. Searched the websites, went into chatrooms, and talked to other gamers. By the end I knew every little secret on each level, the special moves of each characters, and memorized every stage of James Bond. Sometimes, I can beat him now not because of skill but because of wit. It's cute to see him frustrated. He'll never accept his losing so he'll keep on trying till he gets better than me again. Keeps me on my toes. Yes, Kevin Scott has a subscription to GamePro." Kevin finished relaying his story with a twinkle in his eyes."
"Maybe you are harder to figure out that I gave you credit for." Howie conceded with a grin.
"Or maybe it's just because of him."
"You told me once that you were in love with him. That you wanted to take care of him. That you wanted to see him happy. Are...are you still in love with him?" Howie cautiously asked.
Kevin for the first time that night took his gaze away from the countryside and looked towards Howie. "You never stop being in love with someone D. It's just a matter of your mind overtaking your heart. To finally realize that you're not gonna get what you want from that person. So you close that door and tuck it in a corner of your heart and let something else flourish. You never stop being in love; you just choose which one you live with. It's never black and white. It's usually in the gray area that you find happiness and if life is good enough to throw you a curve ball it might even be in the cyan or in the pink."
Howie took a moment to let what Kevin said sink into his soul. Then he looked deep into Kevin's eyes trying to see what was behind them. "Don't...don't you find it hard. Not your relationship with Nick but with Justin. I see him come up to you all the time. He asks for your advice on what to do with Nick. Isn't it just a little ironic?"
Kevin once again looked away from Howie and started to stare upon the countryside. It was really late at night and the house was asleep except for them. "A little. Justin doesn't know everything about Nick, especially his past. Justin seems to truly care about Nick so why shouldn't I help. At least he's not Brian."
"Why didn't you ever go after him Kevin? Why never play for Nick's heart? We all knew that Brian was a bastard but you never contended for him?"
"Somehow I always knew that it would never go anywhere. He was completely in love with Brian. Thoroughly blinded for his affection and feelings for him. Nick couldn't see past his passion for Brian. He wouldn't allow himself to see how badly Brian was treating him." Kevin replied deep in thought.
"But that night, Kev. You said that you two..."
"It was one night. One night doesn't constitute a relationship. I think we both needed something from each other. Nick needed to feel that somebody could love him truly while I needed to show him how deep and genuine my love for him really is. Nick needed me that night and I wanted to feel needed by him. One night, one beautiful night but it was just only one night."
"But why Kevin? Why never fight for his love? If your love is so true how can you deprive him and yourself of the chance of bliss?" Howie said with frustration in his voice.
"Because I love him. I love him enough to be able to let him go. I love him enough to let him go find happiness in another man's arms. I love him enough to find joy in his own rapture. And...and I'm secure enough to know that while I might not have bliss with Nick, I will find it in another and it will be fruitful. And while I'll always love Nick in some corner of my heart, I'll close that door and let something more handsome flourish."
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Night had taken over the land as Brian sat on his piano running his hands carelessly through the ivory keys. He was all alone in his house and was having trouble sleeping. He tried out a few chords upon the piano before starting a song that came from his heart. A melody soon started to fill the hall as Brian quietly sang with passion.
"Remember when we needed each other
The best of friends like sister and brother
We understood we never be alone
Those days are gone
Now I want you so much
The night is long
And I need your touch
Don't know what to say
Never meant to feel this way
Don't wanna be alone tonight"
Rich had had a long day with Devon and Brad. Under strict orders to supposedly have fun, Rich put on a face of a happy man and enjoyed as much as he can their time off. Night was turning into early morning as Rich laid on his couch watching the tv. He put in a tape of the Backstreet Boys during one of the rehearsals. They were trying out a new song that Howie had just written. As Rich closed his eyes he lightly sang in harmony with the boys.
"What can I do to make you mine
Fallen so hard so fast this time
What did I say what did you do
How did I fall in love with you"
Howie and him had just finished talking. It was a slight relief on his part and his shoulders seemed to be carrying a lighter load. Kevin was making his peace with his love. He was still piecing his life together but at least he was making progress. A couple of tears glided down his chiseled face as he whispered into the night a verse from one of their new songs.
"I hear your voice and I start to tremble
Brings back the child that I resemble
I cannot pretend that we could still be friends
Don't wanna be alone tonight"
With his eyes close Brian let the soul of the song run down to his fingers.
His eyes were stinging from his unshed tears and put all of himself onto vocalizing the passion of the music.
"What can I do to make you mine
Fallen so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do
How did I fall in love with you"
JC had just entered his room, next door to Justin's. He had been working downstairs on writing some new songs for the new album. He was a little tired but some adrenaline was still rushing through his veins so that he couldn't sleep. JC took a look at top of his dresser and found the cover of the cd Nick had given him earlier, a rough copy of a new Backstreet song. He walked over to his stereo system, changes the volume, and presses the pause button. JC had been listening to the song earlier but never had the chance to finished. Next door, Justin lay awake watching his lover sleep. He had sleep a good part of the day earlier and found it hard to sleep tonight. He heard some footsteps on the other side of the wall before a song started to seep through. Justin instantly recognized the song and smiled towards his lover. He quietly whispered the words to Nick's sleeping form.
"Oh I wanna to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know
I don't want to live this lie
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend the rest of my life"
Kevin turned to his side while on the bed. He looked outside the sliding doors to where Howie and him were sitting on the balcony talking just some time ago. A couple more tears fell down his face as he remember his words. `I love him enough to let him go.' Kevin's tears turned to muffled sobs as he cried out the words.
"What can I do to make you mine
Fallen so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do
How did I fall in love with you"
Justin brought his hand towards Nick's face and with his finger moved away the few blond strands that were in his lover's face. With a gleaming smile he moved to place a kiss upon the beauty's forehead. Justin was eternally in love with this tender creature. His love was unexpected but a welcome surprise otherwise. Justin's eyes started to tear up thinking about their love for each other. With his voice breaking Justin sang the last verse of the song JC was playing.
"What can I do to make you mine
Fallen so hard so fast this time
Everything's change we never knew
How did I fall in love with you"
(This scene was inspired from the movie Magnolia and as most everyone will know the song is from the new Backstreet Album "Black and Blue")
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