An Important Message from the Author: This is the last chapter of "Doing Hard Time". However the story is far from over for our hero, as he has to return to a normal life and face the demons of his past. The story continues in Book II: "Love is All that Matters". Although this second book is the longer of the two, I am using "Doing Hard Time" as the encompassing title for this series, because real life can have its fair share of "hard time", as well.
The usual disclaimers and copyright laws apply. Do not read further if you are not of legal age to do so in your country. Otherwise, please do go ahead and enjoy!
DOING HARD TIME
~ Chapter 7 ~
From the Narrative of Harrison Ridgeway IV:
"Harrison." Mom said my name sadly. For a moment we both didn't say anything.
Then I smiled and told her, "You look beautiful, mom." For a woman about to celebrate her fiftieth birthday, Marcia Ridgeway certainly didn't look her age.
But far from being reassuring, my words made Mom burst into tears. Worried, I tried to reassure her. "Mom, it's okay. I'm fine. See, I'm not hurt in any way." I mustered a smile.
Mom looked at me in disbelief. "How can you talk like that, Harrison? I have to talk to my son from the other side of a thick glass window, as if you were some criminal. Even though I know you could never do anything to hurt anyone."
I looked down. Mom always believed the best of me. Even when Dad complained my grades weren't up to scratch, Mom would always stick up for me. It was hard to meet my father's expectations, not for lack of trying. And I know she'd taught me to stand up for what's right. I'd failed her when I punched that guy and stood by while the others beat him up.
"I'm sorry, Mom," I said hoarsely. "I'm sorry I made you come here. You shouldn't have."
Mom looked at me, blinking back her tears. "Harrison, you're my youngest child. I would come to see you no matter what."
"You . you didn't come alone?" I asked.
Mom knew what I meant by that question. "Phoebe said she'd come and visit you soon. What with the baby and the hospital, she couldn't make it. Your father ." Mom paused. Then smiling brightly, she added, "You know he's busy with his campaign. He said he'll try to make it here soon as well."
She was lying, I knew that. Dad couldn't afford to be seen visiting his gay-bashing son in prison. It wasn't a matter of principle to him; he certainly didn't sympathize with "those fucking queers", as he called them. He was more concerned the effect it would have on his re-election campaign. Had I really spent my whole life trying to please a man who could toss me aside so easily? It would be worse if he knew I was also gay.
Mom brought my thoughts back down to earth. "Harrison, can you hear me?"
Looking at her, I thought how Mom was the innocent one in all of this. Phoebe and I doted on our mother, and made every effort to keep her happy. We'd both found out that Dad had been having an affair with his secretary for years, but we decided not to tell Mom at the risk of her suffering another anxiety attack. I wanted to hate Dad for cheating on Mom, and also for pushing me too hard, yet as hard as I tried, I couldn't.
"I can, Mom. Please tell ." My voice cracked. I started again. "Tell Phoebe I asked about her, and Ronald, and the baby. And give my regards to Dad. I'm sorry he couldn't come."
Tears flowed down my mother's cheeks. "Oh Harrison, I wish you could tell them yourself. Why have they put you in here? Why can't they see my baby would never harm anyone?" She was starting to hyperventilate and I could see the warning signs of an impending attack. I hastened to calm her down.
"Mom, please relax. Take deep breaths. Believe me when I tell you that everything's fine with me. The only thing that'll make me feel worse if you to have another attack caused by me."
I knew Mom would listen to me. True enough she obeyed my instruction to take deep breaths and started to calm down.
"Mom, listen to me. I don't want you to come down here in the future if you feel you're going to be ." I struggled for a suitable word.
"Hysterical?" suggested Mom, managing a small smile.
"Please, Mom - I don't want to have to find out that you had another attack while I'm in here. I won't even get a chance to come and see you."
"I promise I'll be careful."
"Thanks, Mom." Then I remembered something and decided to ask her. "Mom, you know Aunt Carol and Uncle John, Josh Spencer's parents?"
Mom looked perplexed. "Of course I knew them." I noted her use of the past tense.
"So you know they died?"
Mom raised her eyebrows. "Harrison, I went to their funeral. Josh was inconsolable."
"But Mom, you never told me."
"I thought you didn't want anything to do with Josh after you had your falling-out. You got very upset when Carol and I tried to patch things up between the two of you."
I knew Mom was right. I looked down in shame. "I should have gone to their funeral. At least for Josh's sake."
I could tell Mom was surprised by my sudden change of heart about Josh and wanted to find out more. But she realized that this wasn't the right time.
"You were in the midst of your second-year exams. I didn't want to disturb you. Josh understood when I told him."
I knew he would have understood. Josh always did. I was the one who hadn't understood him. I felt even less worthy of Josh's love.
From the Narrative of Caleb Fisher:
Harrison's mother's visit gave me some time alone in my cell, to think over the events of the past week. In particular, what was going on in between the two of us. Damn it, Harrison was only 22. He was the right age to hook up with my gay nephew, not with a twice-married guy old enough to be his father!
He was also incredibly good-looking and boyishly earnest. Whenever I was around him, I found it hard to resist his charm. Yet I felt like I was betraying Joshua and doing Harrison a disservice. The problem was, I couldn't tell if Harrison was in love with me, or whether he was just experimenting on his repressed sexuality. I knew I had to talk to him about this, yet every time he didn't let me speak and distracted me by pulling down my pants.
When Harrison came back into the cell after his mother's visit, I waited for the guard to leave before I talked to him.
"So how did it go?"
Harrison smiled sadly. "Mom's finding it hard to cope with me being in prison. I wish I hadn't put her in this spot."
"It's not your fault, Harry."
He didn't seem to hear me. "I asked her about Josh. She didn't tell me about his parents' deaths because she thought I wouldn't want to face Josh again. And she was right. I'm a terrible person for Josh to love."
This was the opening I'd waited for. "But do you love him?"
He looked confused. "I . I don't know. It's . complicated. I thought I loved Melissa, but she turned out to be a bitch. I don't know if I'm ready to pursue another relationship, especially, well, you know - a gay one. I know Josh isn't anything like Melissa, but . this whole thing's new to me. Not the feelings of course, but the experience itself."
"But you had feelings for Josh?" I asked.
"I don't know if you could call it that. I did feel something at the time - something that scared me. But . I can't be sure." He looked straight at me with those brilliant blue eyes. "You're trying to break off what's going on between us, aren't you?"
I was thrown for a moment by the directness of his question. Then I confessed, "Yes. I just don't think we should, well, go into love. I mean, I'm a lot older than you. You shouldn't have your first time with me. And then there's Josh."
"So you want sex without the romance?" I winced when he said that. Then I realized he was grinning. I couldn't believe he was pulling my leg. He must be feeling more cheerful.
"I know what you mean, Caleb. If you're uncomfortable, then it's okay with me. I've spent my life having things my way. This," - he gestured to the walls of the cell - "is the first time things aren't going my way. I needed to learn that."
Harry was growing up, I realized. He was putting other people ahead of his own needs. It brought tears to my eyes. He noticed.
"Caleb, are you okay?" he asked, looking concerned.
"I was just thinking . you're not the kid you were when you first came here," I said huskily. Harry blushed; his face turned a delightful shade of pink.
"Prison does that to people, I guess," he said. "I have you to thank. You rescued me from Mitch, you showed me the ropes around here, and what you told me has changed my life." Unexpectedly, he put his arms around me and hugged me, burying his face in my chest.
"Thanks, Papa Bear," he told me, his voice muffled by my chest. That's a new one, I thought - Papa Bear. I decided that I liked it, not that I was going to show it.
"Hey!" I playfully grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. He looked up at me adoringly, as if I was his hero. My heart melted.
What the hell, one last kiss wouldn't hurt, I thought, and pressed my lips against his.
From the Narrative of Harrison Ridgeway IV:
More time went by. Since that last kiss, Caleb and I didn't do anything sexual. He still slept with me on my bunk at nights, always getting off when I'd fallen asleep. His presence was comforting, but I realized that he was right when he said what we had between us wasn't love.
Mom and Phoebe visited as often as they could. Dad, however, didn't come at all. Mom made his excuses, but even she knew I no longer believed them.
I received the unanticipated news almost exactly seven weeks after I'd been incarcerated. When I was informed there was someone to see me, I'd assumed it was either Mom or Phoebe, although it was rather soon after their last visit. So it was a surprise to find my attorney seated in the waiting room instead.
"Oh hi, Jack. I didn't expect to see you here." I noticed he was smiling.
"Harrison, I'm delighted to be the bearer of this good news. Dean Winters came out of his coma two days ago. The police got a statement from him and, well, let me just skip to the best part. He exonerated you and said that when you punched him, you were only defending yourself because you thought he was coming onto you. He said the other guys were the ones who seriously beat him up."
I was speechless. I silently thanked Dean Winters for not holding any grudges against me and telling the truth. It was all I could do to keep back my tears from spilling forth. I managed to unstick my throat to say, "What does this mean?"
"Well, there could still be a case against you, but neither Mr. Winters nor the DA want to pursue it. In light of the fact that you've already served time in maximum-security, and Mr. Winter's testimony that you stayed behind to help him rather than try to `finish him off' as the police thought, the judge could be persuaded to be lenient on you. It's very likely that you'll be released as soon as the retrial is over."
This time I was really struck dumb. I was going to be free. This wasn't the end, I knew - there were still plenty of things for me to face in the world outside the prison, but at the moment all that seemed far away. All I could think of was the sweet word that was resonating in my mind: freedom.
~ END OF BOOK I ~
Harrison has his freedom, but does he have his life back? Find out in Book II: Love is All that Matters - coming soon in this SAME thread. In the meanwhile, don't forget to let me know what you think of the series, by emailing me at justinr_88@yahoo.com. I'll do my very best to reply each message personally. Thanks to all those who have already written in.