Do What You Can
This story is about male/male relationships and contains Graphic descriptions of sex.
You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
This is a work of pure fiction.
Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
Chapter 8
So this was it. I'd had my chance. Had lots of chances really, and it all came down to this. This one moment that I couldn't open my mouth and say what I'd wanted to say for so long.
I was going to lose Zack. I could see it now. He'd date this guy. I'd see less of him. I'd probably do stupid things because I was so jealous. I'd be angry at Zack and Zack wouldn't understand why I was so bitter. We'd see less and less of each other.
I could see it all now. We'd drift apart and I'd die one day, alone, wondering how I'd let the one I love get away.
I should go home.
"You okay?" Zack asked me quietly.
I turned back to Zack. He was looking at me, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Uh yeah," I said, nodding, trying to convince myself. Zack nodded and looked off at something in the room.
I took a breath. I was shaking.
"Zack?" I whispered quietly. He looked back, staring into my eyes. "Would you...I wondered if you'd..." And I couldn't finish it.
"What?" he asked.
"Forget it," I said miserably. I couldn't do it.
"What?" he repeated. "Come on! Tell me!"
I looked at him. His face was neutral, yet there seemed to be some look of hopefulness.
But was I just reading what I wanted to into the situation?
I looked down at the floor as I started talking. "I was...wondered if...you'd want to...I mean you probably..." and I looked up into his eyes and he had this silly grin on his face.
"What?" I said.
"You!" he smirked. "What are you trying to say you jerk?"
I took another breath. This was impossible!
"I was...I wondered if you...if you'd want to go out..." and I trailed off. I couldn't seem to get it out. But he was staring at me, a small smile on his face, and it was almost like I could feel him willing me to say it.
I had to finish though. I took a deep breath and finally managed to choke out the end of the sentence "...with me?" I asked oh so quietly and hesitantly.
He smiled, a huge smile and then nodded slowly as he spoke. "I'd love to go out with you Jed."
I sat there and for a second it was like I couldn't process it all. Zack was sitting there smiling at me and I realized I was smiling back at him. I just couldn't help it! I just couldn't stop the smile. He was smiling large back at me and we were just sitting there grinning at each other like a couple of idiots.
And then he reached out and gently shoved my shoulder and I giggled like a little kid and he let out a huff of breath like he'd been holding it in all this time. I reached out and playfully pushed him back and he pushed me back again and we sat there, shoving each other, both giggling and laughing and then I just threw myself on top of him and we were rolling around the floor and laughing and hugging each other.
And suddenly the laughing stopped.
I was on my back. Zack was on top of me, and we were staring into each other's eyes. And then he did it. Something I'd been dreaming about and jerking off to for the past months. He leaned down and we kissed. A quick chaste kiss, but the most exciting, startling, promising kiss I'd ever had.
And then he straightened up.
"That's all you get until the date," he said smiling. "I don't want you thinking I'm easy."
"Oh God!" I groaned. Then "Oh shit!"
"What?" he asked me.
"You've got your date tonight. Oh shit!"
"Jed, calm down, I'd not going on the date," he smiled at me.
"You're going to just cancel now? You can't do that!" I protested.
"I cancelled Thursday," he smirked.
"You cancelled Thursday?" I stammered. I was shocked! "You mean you knew I was...and you didn't say anything?"
"No I didn't know," he laughed. "But you were really upset about the date for some reason so I decided to cancel until I could figure out what was going on. Then I thought maybe you liked me, well I'd been hoping for a while now. But I wasn't sure and God! Jed! I practically had to strip naked and throw myself at you to get you to admit it."
He laughed as he said it, and then he tickled me and I laughed too, thinking of his naked body and the adventures of the day. God! If only we could go back and do that again now that things were different. I could feel myself thickening.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I've just been confused and scared. It was really difficult, just..."
"Hard?"
"That too!" I said. "But hey, it's not all bad, at least I got a good look at your..." and I laughed.
"Well don't expect to see it again for a while. I'm not that kind of guy," he said grinning, and then he thrust into me a couple of times and smirked.
"Well how am I ever going to learn to keep my head under water now?" I asked innocently.
He laughed. "Well I'll think of something."
We hugged again.
"So where are we going?" he asked.
"When?"
"On the date?"
"Oh! That. Well what would you like to do?"
"I'd like to do anything with you," he said smiling.
"Movie?"
"Sure. I'll get the paper." Zack got up and scampered out of the room. I got up and decided to follow him. I found him downstairs and he opened the paper on the floor of the living room and I lay down beside him. We put our arms around each other and lay side- by-side, touching closely and interlinking our legs.
Zack was pointing something out and he turned to see what I thought and I smiled at him and leaned in and we kissed. A long slow kiss and he opened his mouth tentatively and I opened my mouth and I was just about to push my tongue out a little when we heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us.
We jerked apart and turned and there was Zack's mother standing in the doorway.
"Hello Boys!" she said smiling. "Sorry for interrupting but I'm going out and was just wondering if you want lunch."
I blushed and tried to roll away from Zack, but he kept his arm around me.
"Thanks Mom, I think we might go to the Mall," Zack said casually.
"Okay dear. Nice to see you Jed," she said grinning.
"Hi Mrs. Taylor" I replied, trying to appear as though there was nothing unusual about what we were doing.
"Oh Mom," Zack said, "I will be going out tonight after all."
"You're going out?"
"On a date," he said smiling and glancing at me.
"Oh that's nice dear. Is he picking you up?"
"Uh...we're going to meet here," he said.
"That's nice, but I want to meet the boy before you go. Make sure you have him say hello to us. Don't want you going off with someone we don't approve of."
"Oh," said Zack casting a glance my way, "I think you'll approve of him."
His Mother smiled at him, and then winked at me, and turned and went out.
"Oh God! Now I have to tell my parents," I groaned.
"They could just find us in bed," he suggested.
"Oh God, that would be so embarrassing."
"That's kind of how my parents found out about Danny."
I looked at him and my mouth fell open.
We hung out at the Mall that afternoon. It was almost like being out with Zack any other time, except sometime I'd catch his eye and he'd smile at me and I felt all warm inside because the smile was for me. Zack was mine and I was his. And even though I didn't quite know what that was going to mean, I wasn't worried about it.
I just felt so...happy.
And yet the word happy doesn't even seem to scratch the surface of what I was feeling.
After the Mall Zack dropped me home so I could get ready. I wasn't ready to tell my Mom and Dad yet. No, that wasn't going to happen for a while. I just told Mom that Zack and I were going to the movies. Then I spent about an hour and a half getting ready to go; showering, ironing clothes and even applying some small amounts of cologne. I had never spent that much time getting ready to go to the movies before, and I think my Mother was suspicious. She probably thought we were taking dates and I wasn't telling her.
God! I hope that's what she thought!
I begged Mom to let me borrow the car, and then I drove down to the market and bought a single red rose.
It didn't seem enough, but anything else seemed like too much. I carefully placed it on the passenger seat, and glanced over at it now and again, wondering if it was really good enough to give to him.
At Zacks house I was a bundle of nerves when I rang the bell. Worried somehow about what his parents would think. Wondering what Zack would look like; was I over dressed, or not dressed well enough? Was the rose a stupid idea?
And I was wondering exactly what was going to happen tonight.
The door opened and there was Zack, looking more beautiful than I had ever seen him. He'd had his hair trimmed a little, and he was dressed smartly too. I figured we looked pretty good together. We grinned at each other, and I shyly gave him the flower and he blushed and then he stepped forward and we kissed quickly.
I felt all bubbly inside.
"Come on," he whispered. "You have to 'meet' the folks."
A little reluctantly, I walked with him down to the living room.
"Mom, Dad," he said as the two of us stepped into the living room where his parents were sitting, "I wanted you to meet my date for the evening."
His Mom and Dad looked up casually and both said, "Oh, Hi Jed," and then turned back to what they were doing as though nothing had happened. Zack and I looked at each other, a little surprised by the reaction, and then suddenly his parents were up, laughing and hugging us.
"Oh Jed, we're so happy for you both," said his Mom hugging me tightly. Then his Dad shook my hand and patted me on the shoulder.
Only later did I learn that like with me, his Mother had tried to persuade Zack to do something to let me know that he was interested in me. I guess she had more luck with him than with me.
We went to the movies, and at first it was a little awkward. It was a 'date'; not just hanging with a friend. I wasn't sure what to do and got all nervous again but Zack just looked at me and smiled. He leaned over and whispered "Relax, we're just watching a movie," and that was all it took.
Suddenly everything was okay again. It was just like a regular night; except that for most of the movie we held hands under Zack's jacket.
I don't really remember the movie. I just remember holding Zack's hand. And looking over at him and him smiling at me. I'm always going to remember that night.
We decided to go for a bit of a drive afterward, and ended up parked down by the river. I know neither of us planned to do anything that night other than some kissing. It was just somewhere to talk.
We were sitting there for a while and I finally had to tell Zack something.
"You know," I said, "part of the reason I couldn't do anything, tell you how I felt, was because of Danny."
"Danny? Why?" he asked.
"I just...well I had become friends with you because of Danny. It was like he sent me a message to watch out for you. So then, if I tried to have you for myself then I wasn't doing what I thought I was doing."
Zack just sat there.
"Does that make sense?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said quietly.
He didn't say anything more, and we just sat there.
And then quietly he whispered, "You know, I knew Danny sent you."
I looked at him surprised.
"The first day. When you said you just wanted to 'Do what you can to make the world a better place.' I knew Danny had sent you to me. That was one of Danny's favorite sayings. He said it so much it was almost a joke. But when you said it, it was like a message from Danny."
I put out my hand and took his and squeezed tightly and we sat there together.
"Do you think it's okay?" I asked.
"What?"
"For us to date?"
"Yeah," he said quietly. "I think he...I know he would have wanted it."
I looked at him and nodded and he smiled and we sat there, just holding hands.
So you're thinking mad sex, right?
Wrong. We ended up kissing and hugging and kissing and kissing. Our tongues exploring each other's mouths. Hugging and kissing some more. It was so erotic! God my dick was so hard! I so much wanted to do something, but we didn't do any more.
Just kissed.
Just hugged.
And it was more than enough...for the first date!
The next day I went to see Todd at the hospital again. I got there before Billy. Todd was looking much better. He told me he would be going home in a couple of days.
"So you're looking happy," he said to me as I sat on the end of the bed.
"Yeah," I smiled, and felt myself reddening.
"What happened?" Todd asked me.
"Nothing," I smirked, trying to look innocent.
"Yeah right," said Todd.
I thought about it for a moment. Should I tell him? I wanted to tell someone. It was like this big wonderful secret I was just dying to tell someone, but there was no one to tell. I couldn't tell my family, or any of my other friends. Not yet.
"Zack and I went to the movies last night," I said, half laughing to myself.
"Uh huh," said Todd, not really understanding the significance of what I had said, and then a rye smile appeared. "You and Zack?"
I nodded. I felt like some schoolgirl sharing a secret or something. It felt so stupid but I just couldn't help it, I was grinning like an idiot.
"Well, what?" said Todd.
"I asked him if he'd go to the movies, and he said yes," I said, trying to act cool. I don't think I was managing it very well!
Todd laughed, and I told him all about the date. Well, maybe not all about it, but about the stuff that had gone on before hand and how I'd finally asked him out. I kind of left out the nude swimming part because that just sounded...well that was for just Zack and me to know.
"So you finally got your swimmer!" Todd laughed, and I laughed with him.
"Looks like you've got one too!" I teased him, but Todd's smile froze. "Just kidding," I added hastily.
"No it's okay," Todd nodded soberly.
"So what's happening with you two?" I asked him finally.
"We're just friends," Todd said, though it sounded a little rehearsed. I wasn't going to query it though.
"And everything's okay?" I asked him quietly.
"Yeah," he nodded. "Well my parents hate him, and his folks hate me and he has to act like he hates queers because..." and he just sort of stopped talking. "I'm sorry," he said sadly.
"Hey, no, it's okay," I said.
"Yeah," he nodded sadly.
"Look," I said trying to buck up his spirits. "Things are looking up right? You're gonna be out of here soon, and Billy seems to be trying to be a friend. You wanted that, right? And you've got the support of your parents. I mean okay they aren't too happy about Billy but maybe they'll come around. I'm sure they will. That's...you're lucky. I haven't even told my parents yet and I don't know what they're going to say."
Todd looked even sadder. "Jed, you're...that's nice of you to say, but my parents hate the fact that I'm gay."
"Wha...what?" I stammered.
"They hate the fact I'm gay Jed. They support me. They're there for me and they don't say bad things to me or anything, but they don't want a gay son. They don't like the fact that I'm gay one bit."
He sat there and I was staring at him and I saw that tears were forming in his eyes and I felt miserable. Miserable for upsetting him, miserable for assuming his parents were okay with his sexuality, and miserable because I wondered if that's what my parents would be like. I couldn't imagine them throwing me out or anything like that, but what if they couldn't understand or accept me? What would that mean?
"Hey!" said a voice.
I turned and Billy was standing in the doorway, a large smile on his face. His eyes went from me to Todd and the smile disappeared as he entered the room slowly.
"Are you...you okay Todd?" he almost whispered. The concern was written all over his face.
"Yeah I'm fine," Todd said, wiping his eyes and looking at Billy with a forced smile. Billy glanced sideways at me as though he suspected it was all my fault, and I unconsciously backed a step away form him.
"Hey, well Todd, I've gotta get going," I said.
"Sure," said Todd, who was already focusing on Billy.
I quickly - and rather awkwardly - made my exit.
Downstairs I waited for Zack to pick me up. For ten minutes I sat there thinking about things. About Todd and Billy. About Zack. About telling my parents. About telling my friends I was gay. About college.
I had thought my only problem was getting Zack.
Suddenly it seemed like I had a bunch of new problems to deal with.
But then Zack's car pulled up and I walked over to the door and the window rolled down and I saw Zack's smiling face and for that moment I forgot all about that other crap.
------------------------------- To be continued...
My other stories:
Celebrity: Boy Bands: All The Ways I Love You
Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday