Do What You Can
This story is about male/male relationships and contains Graphic descriptions of sex.
You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
This is a work of pure fiction.
Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
Chapter 7
The next day was Thursday, and after our regular swimming lesson we were doing homework again in his room and I was sitting there and all I could think of was the damn date.
I was seething inside, just trying to come up with a way to talk him out of it. I had to get this stupid date called off so I wouldn't lose him.
"So where are you going?" I asked finally.
"Where?"
"On the date?"
"Oh, the movies."
"Just the movies?"
"To start with. See what happens," he nodded.
I looked up. "You think you'll actually..." and I paused "...you know..."
"Kiss him?" he asked.
"No," I said because that's not what I was thinking, then I thought maybe I didn't want him to know what I was thinking, "I mean, yes," I said hastily.
He shrugged. "Probably. He looked like a good kisser," and he gave me a huge grin and the anger inside me just boiled over.
So I hit him with the largest club I had.
"What about Danny?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
The grin vanished.
"What about Danny?" he asked.
"Nothing...just wondering, you know, so you're over him now?"
Zack frowned. "No, I'm not over Danny. I don't know if I'll ever be over Danny, but I've got to keep going. You keep telling me that."
"Yeah, that's okay," I said casually, "Danny's gone. Might as well move on to the next thing."
Zack leapt up. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What? Nothing? Why are you so upset?" I asked innocently and knew I was a bastard for doing it. But I couldn't help myself. "I thought you were 'moving on'" and I made inverted commas with my fingers as I said moving on. I knew I was pushing him hard, and in a bad way I felt better for doing it.
"Fuck You!" he said quietly, and then he stormed out of the room.
I put down the homework and sighed.
Well what the fuck did I expect? I'd taken it too far. How could I even pretend to be in love with Zack and hurt him like this?
I threw down my pen and went looking for him.
He was down in the sunroom, sitting on the window seat.
"Hey," I said softly as I entered.
He looked up.
"I'm sorry, I had no right to say that," I said.
He nodded. I walked over and sat down beside him.
He glanced at me, then looked out the window.
"I still think about him a lot," he said softly. "Sometimes I used to just want to get him out of my head and never think about him again it hurt so much."
"I'm sorry," I said softly, patting his shoulder.
"It's only recently that I can think about him for long without crying."
We sat there for a while. Him staring out the window, me patting him on the shoulder. Then his Mom arrived home. She looked at the two of us sitting there, a curious expression on her face, and offered to make us hot chocolate and cookies.
I felt bad about what I'd done. That I could hurt Zack so much just because I couldn't tell him things about myself. I tried to tell myself I was a sick bastard and I shouldn't take out my anger on Zack.
But the next day I was still angry and frustrated and upset.
And subconsciously I was still trying to sabotage the date.
Forget that. I was full-on consciously scrambling my brain to come up with any way to sabotage the date.
I just couldn't figure out how to do it. I couldn't use the Danny card. I realized that was being a shit.
So I tried asking him what he really knew about this guy. And if he was out, wasn't Zack risking people finding out that he was gay?
Zack had thought about it, but he seemed to think there wasn't much chance of that happening.
My best bet was to convince him otherwise.
"Even if you go into the city," I was arguing, "how do you know you won't be seen by someone?"
Zack rolled his eyes, "Oh come on, the chance is small."
"But it's a chance!" I argued.
"Look Jed, it's no biggy okay? We'll just be friends going to a movie. And you're forgetting, Danny and I used to do it all the time and no one ever found out, and Danny was out."
"What ever," I snapped.
"What's your problem?" he demanded.
"I don't have a problem."
"Yeah you do. You don't want me to go on this date. What's your problem?"
"I just think you're crazy, I don't think you should date the guy."
"Why not?" Zack shot back.
"I don't like him!"
"You don't even know him."
"Well what I do know about him I don't like," I replied defiantly.
"You don't fucking know anything about him." When Zack swore at me I knew he was mad. I knew I had to be careful.
"That's exactly why I don't like him," I said quietly, trying not to be confrontational.
"You're not my Mother," Zack jeered.
"I never pretended to be."
Zack looked at me blankly, then he smiled.
"You don't have to worry," he said.
"About what?" I asked, suddenly nervous.
"We'll still be friends. We'll still hang out. I'm not gonna get rid of you just because I'm dating this guy."
I looked at Zack and he was grinning at me and I just felt my anger and frustration melting out of me. It was hopeless.
"I'm not worried about that," I said finally.
"Well, just so you know."
I breathed out. I had to give up.
"Okay, whatever," I said, gathering up my stuff.
"You going?" Zack asked, puzzled.
"Yeah, I'm tired."
"Ah...okay," he said.
"See ya," I said, heading out the door before he could say anything more.
I ran down the stairs, the anger starting to come back, and burst out the door, almost running into Zack's Mother as she was coming up the pathway.
"Hello Jed," she said. "How are you?"
"Okay Mrs. Taylor," I said.
She looked around. "Is Zack going to drive you home?"
"No, I'm walking," I said.
"Oh, it might rain. I'll take you home."
I tried to object, but she almost pushed me into the car, and drove me home.
"Everything okay?" she asked before we'd even left the driveway.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Things alright with Zack?" she asked.
"Yes."
"His big date tomorrow," she said brightly, and I looked away frowning angrily and wanted to get out.
"You know Zack thinks the world of you," she went on.
I didn't say anything. I just stared out the window.
"He wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt you."
I just sat there.
"He's only going on this date because he thinks he can't have you," she said quietly.
I glanced back at her and she was smiling at me like she knew something, and I didn't like it.
"Wh...what?" I stammered.
"Nothing dear...it's not important," she said, and she smiled.
I panicked. "But I'm...I'm...straight!" I almost choked.
"Oh, of course dear," she said, sounding anything like she believed it, and she patted my leg, "I was just saying that if you weren't then Zack would be very interested in you. But then he doesn't want to risk your friendship because it means the world to him."
She pulled up at my driveway and I didn't know what to say.
"Thanks for the ride," I said.
"You're welcome Jed," and she smiled and I got out and walked slowly up to the front door.
Saturday. The big day of the big fucking date.
Fuck!
Zack was going to be going off tonight with that damn easy whore he'd met at the record store and they were probably going to fuck and it was too late for me to do anything. Once he'd had an easy piece of ass like that, I was going to be done for.
How could this have happened to me? I could see Zack slipping away from me.
I'm a stupid shit. I'm a stupid shit. I'm a stupid shit.
I thought about running over and asking Zack to go out on a date with me. To have me. To be mine.
But it was too late. The big night was tonight.
And anyway, I'd so messed things up the last couple of days Zack was probably pissed with me and would just turn me down. Or laugh in my face. Besides, if he was interested in me, he would have done something, right? He's the one that's gay. He should have come on to me!
And under it all I still felt so fucking guilty about Danny. I'd tried to be a friend to him after he'd died by taking care of his boyfriend and here I was fucking jerking off thinking about Zack, and wanting him for my own. I was fucking hosed.
Normally on a Saturday morning I would have gone over to Zacks and we would have swum and hung out. But I stayed home. I sat at my desk, pretending to work on some homework. I idly opened my English textbook. I looked at the bookmark and smiled. It was the piece of paper Danny had written on. I'd turned it into my bookmark. A way of making use of it while keeping it around. I thought it was a good use for it.
I unfolded it carefully and looked at the writing. Some lines of poetry from different poems and some notes about the allusions in the lines. Nothing original really. I scanned over the writing. I'd looked at it several times before. It wasn't very pretty. Rather rough and quick. Some of the letters were hard to make out.
I noticed he'd drawn over some letters a few times and they were a little darker than others. Then I realized it was Z - A - C - K. He must have been sitting thinking about Zack while holding that paper and had lettered in the letters of his name. I sat there and tears started running down my face. What was I supposed to do Danny? What was I supposed to do?
The doorbell rang.
"Jed! It's Zack!" my Mom called from the hallway.
I shook myself and folded up the paper and put it back in the book.
I dashed into the bathroom and wiped my face with a washcloth. In the mirror you couldn't tell I'd been crying.
I went down the stairs to see Zack standing in the doorway.
"Hey Man," he said grinning at me, and giving me five.
"Hey!"
"So you coming over today?"
"Coming over?"
"Yeah. My house. We can swim and stuff."
"You've got a date tonight," I pointed out to him.
"Dude, the dates at 7:30. I've got like nine hours until then. Plenty of time for hang'in with my best bud!" and he smiled at me.
I smiled back nervously and was going to turn him down, but I couldn't.
We hopped into the 4Runner and he drove us over to his place. We went down to the pool and Zack announced today's 'lesson.'
"It's a special one today!" he announced, a mischievous grin on his face.
"Yeah, what's that?"
"Skinny-dipping!" he said with a huge grin. Before I could protest he stripped off his clothes and dived in. I watched, a little transfixed by his white ass as it flew through the air.
"Come on in!" he called from the pool.
"I'm not skinny dipping!" I yelled.
"Come on! It's great. Your dick and balls float free! Get in! You're not getting a free show from me!" Then he pushed back and did some backstroke, and gave me a free show; a pretty good look at his bush and dick.
Knowing I was going to regret it, I went around to the ladder and quickly pulled off my clothes and climbed in.
Zack swam over to me, stopping a couple of feet away and grinned at me.
"Feel's good huh?"
"Different," I agreed.
"Give it a good shake!" he said, and he thrust his pelvis back and forth a few times at me. I could feel myself thickening.
"Come on!" he said.
I thrust a couple of times, quickly.
"Dude! That how you fuck? You ain't gonna satisfy the girls that way. Come on! Shake it."
And he thrust a few more times.
"I'm not a shameless exhibitionist," I countered.
"Exhibitionist? What's that?" he said grinning, and he grabbed the side of the pool and jumped high, pulling himself up so that his genitals broke the water and I saw that he had the start of an erection. I felt myself getting hot.
He then laughed and swam away from me.
It was like some weird sex dream that I was in. This was all so...exactly what I'd dreamed of. And frightening as hell. I wanted to get out of there before I did something stupid.
I wanted to grab hold of Zack and rub my body all over his.
I had to get out! This was going to drive me crazy.
Okay, calm down. This is just something fun I told myself. Nothing's going on. Nothings going to happen. Just concentrate on breathing and ignore that Zack is naked just a few feet away from me.
I kind of walked about, thinking of Zacks ass, and then he came back to me.
"Open your legs," he said.
"Huh?"
"So I can swim through."
"Pervert," I said.
But he dived down and swam towards me. I turned and started to run away from him and he stood up.
"Hey! You've got to stay still."
"No way!"
"Come on! Just once."
I felt like it was turning into a game of 'You show me yours, I'll show you mine.'
"Okay, once" I said. I stood where I was, opening my legs wide and putting my hands over my dick, which was now mostly erect.
God! This was embarrassing. I wondered if Danny was punishing me. Was I going to suffer some incredible torture for all the lust that was in my heart?
Zack walked up to me, and grabbed my elbows and pulled my arms out.
"Hands out," he said. I rolled my eyes. Okay, I'd do this once.
Zack submerged in front of me, spending several seconds right in front of my dick, then swimming down and through my legs. Then he jumped up and laughed.
"Funny," I said.
"Your turn," he said.
But I couldn't swim under water.
"I can't do that," I said. I couldn't even open my eyes under water.
He jumped out and went to the box and came back with a pair of goggles. I watched him as he walked, naked, back to the pool and jumped in. He came over and stood next to me, taking the goggles and helping me put them on.
"So just take a deep breath and then go down and see how you do. If you don't get under me that's okay."
So there I was, him standing naked in front of me, and he'd given me goggles and essentially permission to stare at him. Though I had to do it under water.
"Just see how long you can stay under," he prompted.
I took a couple of breaths and went under. There in front of me were his dick and balls, gently waving in the water. I forgot what I was doing, slipped a little and stood up again. Zack reached out to steady me.
"Okay?"
"Yeah. I just panicked a little."
"Well take a moment, and then if you want, try it again. It's good practice going under water."
So I did it three more times, staying down longer each time. Zack didn't comment at first about the fact that I was looking at his dick most of the time. Noticing that it was thickening, and by the last time was fully hard.
But at the end when I stood up he laughed, "Well if I'd only known that looking at my dick would cure your fear of water I would have done this months ago."
"What!" I protested, "I was just..." what to say then? Curious? Shit! Had he found me out?
"Hey it's okay. All guys are curious about other guys dicks. I don't mind. Turned me on!" and he gave me a seductive look.
"You gay guys are so perverted," I said before I could stop myself
"Oh and you straight guys aren't!"
We played around a bit. I so much wanted to grab him and hug him or do something forward like that, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
In the end we got out, drying off in front of each other, then pulling on our clothes and went up to his room to hang out for a while.
"So are you sure you're okay with me going out on this date?" He asked.
"Yeah...I'm sorry I've been a jerk...I've just been...I'm sorry."
"You've just been what?" he asked.
"A jerk."
"Well I don't get the problem, but I promise I'll be careful, and I'm not going to fuck on the first date."
I rolled my eyes at him.
"You're not jealous are you?"
Had he found me out, did he suspect? "Jealous of what?"
"That I'm going out and you aren't."
"A little," I said.
"Well you just need to find someone. You need to get out there. Do some dating."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Anyone you're interested in?"
"Uh..."
"Come on, tell me!"
"Yeah," I said a little shyly.
"Who is it? Tell me man!" and he came over and sat down beside me. I shivered a little.
"No I can't..."
"Why not?"
I didn't answer right away. We sat there in silence for a moment.
"I'm too embarrassed to even talk to them," I stuttered.
"Oh come on...give yourself a break." He said and he lightly punched my shoulder.
I smiled at him and then looked away. I didn't have the guts to do this. This was too hard. Why was I talking about this? I was sweating and my heart was racing. I looked away from him.
"But what if they say no?" I said quietly. There was no reply and I turned nervously to face him.
He stared into my eyes with a curious expression, then he shrugged. "What if they say yes?" he said so quietly I almost couldn't hear him.
I just sat there. Was he sending me a signal? Or was I miss- reading this?
"I don't...I can't," I finally said and looked away. I just couldn't face him any more. I had to go. I just needed to calm down a little and then I would go.
We sat there quietly for a moment.
"You should ask them Jed. They might say yes," he said quietly.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
"I don't know, I just can't seem to do it," I said finally, staring into his eyes. I was pleading with him inside. Please Zack, tell me it's okay. I don't know what to do.
He looked at me and then shrugged.
"Yeah, well, don't worry about it," he whispered, "I've been...there's someone I've wanted to ask on a date and I've been too scared to do it, so I can't give you any advice."
"There's someone else?" I swallowed. "Other than this guy you met?"
"Yeah," he nodded, staring into my eyes.
"Why can't you ask...him?" I said.
"Because I'm...I'm scared I'll ruin everything if I do," he said and he looked at me nervously. He blushed, sucking on his lower lip.
I opened my mouth but couldn't quite speak. Zack's face tightened a little and he looked away sadly.
------------------------------- To be continued...
My other stories:
Celebrity: Boy Bands: All The Ways I Love You
Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday