Diving In

Chapter 4: Never Let You Go

Cameron Wright slammed his locker shut and quickly made his way down the hallway on Friday afternoon. The week went by extremely slowly, but the end was finally here and he just needed to stop at home and then get on a plane to UCLA to see Matt.

After much thought, Cameron realized that he hadn't given Matt the chance he deserved. When he met Matt, he had been trying to get over James, and although things had been great with Matt, Cameron felt that there was a barrier. And that barrier was James. But now that James had a boyfriend and was completely unavailable, Cameron decided to give Matt another chance. And in all honesty, Matt had been the ideal boyfriend. Matt was always cute and thoughtful, and was there for Cameron. Now Cameron had to be there for Matt.

He was so focused that it took him a few minutes to realize Devon was calling his name. Cameron swung around and laughed.

"Sorry, I'm so spaced out right now," Cameron smiled.

"No, it's okay, just don't swim into another lane in practice today," Devon joked.

"Oh shit!" He slapped his forehead. "I completely forgot to tell you, I'm not going to be at practice today."

"Why not?" Devon asked.

"Long story..." Cameron shrugged. "I'm going out to UCLA..."

"Oh, checking out colleges for next year, eh?" Devon smirked.

"No, I...uh, my friend Matt goes there and I just wanted to visit him," Cameron explained. "Yeah but I already spoke to coach and he was fine with it. Um, I gotta run though, I'll see you on Monday."

"Yeah, have fun," Devon waved.

Cameron quickly drove home and went up to his room. He picked up his duffle bag and his backpack- did a quick scan around the room to make sure he didn't forget anything- then headed downstairs. His mother was vacuuming.

"Mom!" Cameron attempted to yell above the vacuum. She turned around, but continued vacuuming. "Mom! I have to go to the airport!"

"Okay!" She yelled back. "I'll drive you in a minute!"

"Can you stop that for a second?" Cameron said and she turned off the vacuum.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Mom, my plane leaves in like two hours, I have to go to the airport like now." Cameron explained.

"Okay, fine," She began to clean up the vacuum. "I really think this is a good idea, you visiting colleges already. It shows a lot of initiative and me and your dad have really noticed it." Cameron had told his parents that he was going to visit colleges for the weekend because he was afraid that they would be suspicious if he was going to visit Matt.

"Thanks," Cameron forced a smile. "Can we go, though?"

"Jeez," She rolled her eyes then grabbed the keys.

...

Marissa Tampa headed over to her car after school on Friday in an awful mood. Travis hadn't spoken to her for the past week, she had failed a Math test, and now she had to finish packing her stuff. She was leaving in five days.

When she arrived home, she ignored her mother (who had attempted to talk badly about her father every day the past week) and went up to her room, which was barely recognizable because it was filled with boxes. She sat down on her bed and began to empty the contents of her desk drawers into a small plastic case. It was weird, packing everything in her life away. She had spent so much time building up her life here that it was odd moving away. It seemed like it was all for nothing.

Marissa's life had always been about climbing the social ladder until she met Travis. He helped her become a better person and changed her forever. But now he wasn't even talking to her. It was weird how much one person can come into your life and change it forever.

A knock sounded at her door.

"Mom, I told you I'm packing," She groaned. The door opened anyway and Travis poked his head through.

"Hey," Travis meekly smiled.

"Hey," Marissa nodded, trying to hide her surprise that he came.

"Packing?" Travis gestured towards the boxes.

"Yeah," Marissa faked a laugh.

"That's good," Travis remarked. "I mean, if it were me I'd probably wait till the morning of, but whatever."

"Yeah, I figured I'd get a head start," Marissa explained.

Travis walked over to the bed and paused for a moment before sitting down next to Marissa. He placed a hand on her knee and took a breath.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry I..." He began. "I'm sorry...I know I've been a jerk not talking to you, but I just don't understand why you're doing this."

"Travis..." Marissa didn't want to go through this again. "I can't spend all year with my mom, I just can't. Even this past week has been awful."

"But you've live here your whole life, Marissa..." Travis couldn't understand. "You have everything here, you have...you have me here."

"I know, Travis, but..." Marissa struggled to think. "I don't know how to explain it. I just need to get out of this...bubble. You've honestly been such an amazing boyfriend to me, and I want to make things work between us. But I need to live with my dad. And I need you to be okay with that."

"I..." Travis wasn't sure what to say. "Okay."

"Okay?" Marissa questioned.

"Yeah," Travis nodded.

"All right then," Marissa smiled.

"Well let's make these next couple days really special," Travis lightened up. "Tomorrow night, we'll do something nice."

"Okay," Marissa kissed him on the cheek. "But now, you can help me pack."

"Fine," Travis rolled his eyes. "Want to smoke first?"

...

Alexis Lucas sat in her apartment bored out of her mind. The past couple months had been so...excting? She wasn't sure if that was the word, but she had always been up and about. Active. Now she had absolutely nothing to do. A couple weeks ago she was getting phone calls from Kevin Trainer, Ricky Buchanan, Meghan O'Halloran, and many others, asking her to hang out. Now her phone was silent.

She picked up her phone and dialed Cameron. After the party the weekend before, they had spoken a lot more, and things were almost back to normal. However, they hadn't got a good chance to catch up on everything in each others lives. Cameron picked up after a few rings.

"Hey, that's so weird that you called, I just landed," Cameron said. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Alexis collapsed on her couch. "Literally. I'm bored out of my mind."

"Why don't you give Travis a call or something?" He suggested.

"Cameron, I haven't spoken to Travis in over a year," She laughed.

"Oh, that's right," Cameron remembered. "I don't know then, watch a movie?"

"Yeah, that's what I'll probably do," Alexis rolled over on the couch. "It's so annoying, no one's even talking to me."

"Maybe you should give Kevin a call and apologize," Cameron suggested.

"Maybe," Alexis considered it for a moment. "How's everything with Matt?"

"I havn't seen him yet," Cameron told. "I wasn't kidding when I said `I just landed.' I'm walking to baggage claim right now. I should go, call me later."

"Yeah, have fun," Alexis said as she hung up the phone.

She lay on the couch looking up at the ceiling for a moment. She was considering her options. Option A was to stay in and watch a movie. Option B was to call the Downtown and see if she could get her job back there. Option C was to call Kevin and try and apologize.

She decided on Option C. The phone rang for a few seconds before it went to voicemail. She rolled her eyes. She then was about to go to Option B and call the Downtown when she receive a text message.

It was Kevin Trainer. He wrote Don't call me again, slut.

...

Cameron Wright went through baggage claim surprisingly quick. Usually his bag ended up being lost or being the last bag on the conveyor belt. But he was done with it all in about twenty minutes. He dragged his bag outside and reached into his pocket and picked up his phone and dialed Matt. However, as the phone rang, he heard it ring to his left. He turned around and saw Matt looking for him.

"Matt!" Cameron exclaimed.

"Hey," Matt sauntered over and gave Cameron a hug. "Were you waiting long?"

"No, no, I literally just stepped outside," Cameron exclaimed. He scanned over Matt. He looked great, very tan. He was wearing a green shirt and jeans. His hair was much blonder- must be the sun.

"Okay good," Matt smiled. "My car's right over here." They both started walking over to the parking lot. Matt grabbed Cameron's bag and rolled it along behind him.

"You have a car?" Cameron asked.

"It's my friends," Matt explained. "He let me borrow it."

"Oh," Cameron nodded. "You look tan,"

"You don't," Matt joked. "How jealous are you that I'm living in California?"

"Shut up," Cameron laughed.

"How are things at Mineola High School?" Matt asked.

"The same," Cameron realized as soon as he said it that things were anything but the same.

"Figures," Matt shrugged.

"Tell me about college," Cameron said.

"Um," Matt thought for a second. "It's amazing."

"Yeah?" Cameron asked.

"Yeah," Matt nodded. "It was kind of awkward for the first couple days, but yeah, it's so much fun."

"That's great," Cameron smiled.

They reached the car, and Matt put Cameron's bag in the back set and they both stepped in. Matt started up the car and headed towards the highway.

"What'd you tell your parents?" Matt asked, but Cameron looked confused. "About coming out here."

"Oh," Cameron understood. "I said I was visiting colleges."

"Nice," Matt laughed. "Have you thought any more about telling them?"

"No," Cameron laughed. "My family's different then your family, they wouldn't be as understanding."

"You'd be surprised," Matt said.

"I mean, I think they'd still love me and stuff, obviously," Cameron explained. "I know they would, but...I don't know. I think my dad would be weirded out. And like little things freak me out too, like do I tell my extended family too? My grandma would freak out, I'm not even kidding. She's a completely Jesus freak."

"No one has to know, unless you want them too," Matt said. "Seriously."

"I guess," Cameron shrugged. "I don't see myself doing that in the near future. Maybe once I go to college."

"Yeah," Matt smiled.

They soon arrived on UCLA's campus which was more beautiful than Cameron could've imagined. Matt wasn't kidding. Cameron couldn't wait till college. They parked the car and began to walk towards Matt's dorm.

Matt seemed to know a lot of people for someone who'd only been there for about a month. He said hi to a bunch of pretty blonde girls and a few cute guys that were definitely straight. Cameron felt pale and uncomfortable next to all these beautiful people.

They approached one of the dorms and Matt swiped his card and opened the door. He held it open for Cameron and they walked down the hallway. Once again, Matt seemed to be the most popular person of all, waving to almost every person on the floor.

He stopped at one room and opened the door revealing a pretty large room with two beds parallel to each other. Cameron could immediately tell which bed was Matt's. Matt had adorned the wall with a bunch of pictures, some of which Cameron recognized from the summer. Others were from senior year. There was one of Matt making a funny face, which Cameron recognized from the first time Cameron went to Matt's house.

"Where's your roommate?" Cameron asked.

"Oh, he, uh, went away for the weekend," Matt said as he closed the door behind him.

"That's cool," Cameron felt his heart begin to race.

Matt pulled in Cameron's bag and placed it on top of his bed. He then turned towards Cameron and smiled.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"It's amazing, really..." Cameron smiled and then met Matt's eyes. They locked eyes for a moment before Cameron nervously took one step closer to Matt. He could feel his own uneven breath between them. Cameron leaned forward and kissed Matt lightly on the lips. Matt put his hands on Cameron's face and kissed him more aggressively.

Something felt weird about all of this. It all seemed so familiar yet all so strange at the same time. Matt's tongue and the way it moved inside of Cameron's mouth felt...it was as if nothing had changed. And Cameron liked the stability. So he decided to go further.

Cameron removed his own shirt, and Matt got the hint and removed his also. Matt noticed that Cameron had developed a small, and very light tuft of hair in between his two pecks. It wasn't very noticeable at all, but Matt placed his hand over it and smiled. Matt also noticed that Cameron had become much more in shape. His abs were flatter and there was a distinct V shape by his hips. It was due to the swimming.

Matt sat down on the bed and Cameron followed him. They continued kissing and Matt pushed himself on top of Cameron until Cameron was lying on his back. He placed his fingers on the bottom of his stomach, and moved his hand lower until he found his belt. He unbuckled it and slid his cargo shorts down. Matt continued kissing him as he removed his own pants. He placed his hands on Cameron's hard cock, with only the cloth of the boxers in between them.

Cameron placed his hands on Matt's lower back and moved his hands down and took the boxers with them until Matt was completely naked. Matt had completely shaved his pubic hair bare and his penis had grown. Either that or it just looked that way. He looked to be around seven inches. Cameron leaned down and pushed Matt onto his back. He took Matt's cock in hand and placed his mouth lightly over the tip. Matt moaned and wiped his head. Cameron continued, taking almost all of Matt in each time.

Eventually Matt stopped Cameron and reached into his nightstand. He pulled out a jar of lube and a condom. Cameron looked nervous for a moment. They had previously tried over the summer and Cameron hadn't enjoyed it very much. But Cameron nodded and removed his own boxers.

Cameron hadn't grown much in the past year and was still a little bit larger than six in half inches. But he was fully hard and Matt first wrapped his fingers around Cameron's cock and slowly jerked him off. Then he continued but pushed Cameron on his back. He placed Cameron's legs higher and Cameron lifted his hips to give Matt access.

"You okay?" Matt whispered as he rubbed the cold lubricant on Cameron's hole. Cameron just nodded. He closed his eyes and just listened as Matt unwrapped the condom and slipped it over the head of his penis.

"Okay," Matt warned before he slowly slid his hard dick into Cameron. The initial pressure was painful for Cameron. He moaned softly. Matt slipped it out and then back in, a little more pressure this time. Eventually the pressure felt good and Matt began to speed up. Cameron masturbated himself as Matt moaned loudly. Cameron soon came over his own chest before Matt did. But Matt followed soon after.

"I'm gonna..." Matt mouthed before he exploded. He collapsed onto Cameron and smiled. "That wasn't so bad was it?"

Cameron forced and smile.

...

James Winters arrived at Devon's house an hour after Devon had invited him over. He had to shower and have dinner with his parents. He rang the door bell and waited a few moments before Devon's father answered the door.

"Yeah?" He answered, he was clearly drunk.

"Hey, it's me, James..." James had met him numerous times, but still had to introduce himself every time. "Is Devon here?"

"Who?" Devon's father muttered.

"Devon..." James repeated.

"Tyler, get you ass up and get Dev..." His father turned and slapped Tyler, Devon's brother, who was sitting on the couch watching T.V. Tyler got up and his father sat down next to where Tyler was sitting.

Devon entered with Tyler a few moments later.

"Hey," Devon smiled. "Let's go in my room."

"Wait, wait, wait..." His father stopped him. "Where's your little girly friend that you been talkin' about?"

"Who?" James questioned.

"She's hanging out with her other friends tonight..." Devon lied. "She'll come over soon and meet you guys, I promise."

"I hope so," His father mumbled. "Don't want you c'ming back wit no faggot or ugly broad. Like Tyler did that one time."

"Dad, she wasn't ugly..." Tyler argued but his father started laughing.

"Let's go," Devon gestured to James and they walked passed his brother and father into Devon's room and shut the door behind them. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," James smiled. "So you told them you have a girlfriend?"

"Shut up," Devon blushed.

"It's okay, I've done that before too," James smiled. "But eventually..."

"Could we not talk about this right now?" Devon snapped. "Sorry, I'm just tired, from practice..."

"Yeah sure," James shook his head and took a seat on the bed. "How was practice by the way?"

"It was okay," Devon shrugged. "It was just annoying because I had to swim alone because Cameron wasn't there today."

"That is annoying," James agreed. "Where was he? Sick?"

"No," Devon said. "He said something about going to visit his friend at school." James' heart stopped.

"Which friend?" James questioned.

"I don't know," Devon grabbed the remote and flipped on the T.V. "Why?"

"Just curious," James pretended not to care.

"I think he said his name was Matt or something," Devon remembered. James shrugged and turned away pretending that it didn't affect him at all.

...

Marissa Tampa sat in the passenger seat of Travis' car on Saturday night unaware of where she was going. Travis was driving her somewhere for them to spend there last Saturday night together. It was cute, and romantic, which was extremely surprisingly coming from Travis, who wasn't either of those.

"So, you're not going to give me any clues?" Marissa asked.

"Nope," Travis said.

She wasn't sure what else to say, so they kept driving for over an hour in silence until Travis eventually pulled into a parking lot by the water. .

"Where are we?" Marissa asked.

"You'll see," Travis assured.

They got out of the car and Marissa followed Travis across a board walk by the sea. It was a beautiful view especially at night. They continued through another parking lot and they had to hop a fence until they were at the back of a large building. He went to open the back door but it was locked.

"Fuck," Travis hadn't planned for this. He looked around for something until he found a brick which he picked up and began to hammer away at the lock with.

"Uh...Travis...this doesn't look safe..." Marissa warned. She was nervous, but somewhat relieved that Travis was acting like himself instead of this romantic sap.

The lock eventually broke and Travis held it open for her until they snuck inside.

When they arrived inside, it was dark and Marissa couldn't see for a moment. They open the door to another room and Marissa suddenly understood where Travis had brought her. The walls of the room were glass and beyond them were swimming fish. It was the Coney Island Aquarium.

"Oh my gosh, Travis..." Marissa exclaimed.

"I remember you were talking about wanting to go here last weekend," Travis smiled. "And it was closed for construction so..."

"You're so fucking sweet..." Marissa was in awe, but she managed to give Travis a big passionate kiss.

They walked around the aquarium for a long while, but eventually found a nice area to rest and talk. They sat down in an area enclosed by glass in the shark exhibit.

"I love you," was the first thing Travis said when they sat down.

"I love you too," Marissa smiled then thought for a second. "You know, that's the first time I think a guy has said that to me and meant it."

"That's the first time I've ever meant it," Travis agreed. Marissa seemed in deep thought for a moment.

"That's actually not true," She laughed but then stopped. "You remember last year that boy, Kieran Wilmur, was hit by a car and died?"

"Yeah..." Travis was confused.

"His mother went up to me after the ceremony thing we had at our school and told me that apparently he was in love with me," Marissa thought. "It was so weird, I never spoke to him and..."

"That's really weird," Travis thought.

"Yeah," Marissa smiled. "It's weird how much you can affect someone's life without even knowing it. You can change someone's life forever by doing nothing, except...living."

"Yeah..." Travis smiled.

"You changed my life Travis," Marissa smiled.

"You changed my..." Travis stopped halfway through his sentence. "We gotta go."

Marissa turned around and saw a flashlight heading toward them.

"Security," Marissa whispered. "We must've tripped a silent alarm or something."

And just like that the romantic date was ruined, yet at the same time made special.

...

"Hey guys, this is Cameron," Matt smiled as he and Cameron entered a dorm room filled with three gorgeous girls, two blondes and a brunette, and one guy who's hair was gelled into a fohawk. They all looked up and smiled. "He's a friend from home."

"Hey Cameron," the brunette girl waved. "I'm Betty, this is Tiffany, and Caroline. And this is Andrew." The guy, evidently named Andrew, fakely smiled and looked Cameron up and down, sizing him up.

"So, what are you guys up to?" Matt casually asked.

"Nothing's really going on tonight," Andrew shrugged. As soon as he spoke, it was obvious that he was gay. It wasn't extremely feminine or anything, but it was clear. "So annoying..."

"Yeah, we were talking about going down to the field and drinking and then hopefully something will come up," Tiffany or Caroline murmured.

"All right," Matt smiled. "Let's do it."

The walk over to the football field was awkward. Cameron felt like he was intruding on a group of friends that didn't want him to be there. And Matt wasn't exactly making it that much easier. He doing his best to include Cameron in conversations, but sometimes Matt would get involved in a conversation with Betty and forget about him. However, at one point Andrew noticed that Cameron was walking by himself, and he started up conversation with him, which was surprising because Andrew seemed like a jerk at first. But he actually seemed like a nice guy, and he wasn't bad looking either.

Cameron was wondering the entire time if they knew that Matt was gay. Had Matt come out at college? He hadn't mentioned it to Cameron, but he hadn't told him not to say anything either. And if so, did everyone know that Cameron was his ex boyfriend? How much did they know? It made Cameron even more nervous the entire walk over.

The football stadium itself was off limits, but the practice field wasn't. This was where the five of them usually drank. After having a little bit to drink and loosening up a little bit, Cameron actually began to like all of Matt's friends. Betty was hilarious, and one of the blonde girls, who Cameron found out was Caroline was very dumb but a lot of fun.

After drinking for a while, Tiffany and Caroline left, which made Cameron kind of happy because he didn't really like Tiffany. She seemed like a bitch even though she wasn't saying anything and it made him uncomfortable. Soon after, Betty wanted more liquor, but Matt was the only one who had a fake ID.

"Are you gonna be okay here by yourself?" Matt asked.

"I'm not gonna be by myself," Cameron laughed. "I'll be fine." By that point, Cameron was drunk enough not to care, and Andrew seemed like a pretty cool guy.

"Okay, I'll be back in like fifteen minutes," Matt said.

"See you later CameRONE" Betty laughed as she enunciated the end of Cameron's name.

Cameron and Andrew watched them walk off. Soon they were only specs in the distance. And now it was only Andrew and him alone together.

"How do you guys know each other anyway?" Andrew asked. Well, it looks like Matt wasn't out here. Or at least he hadn't told anyone about Cameron.

"We're just friends from high school," Cameron shrugged as he took another swig of his beer.

"That's cool," Andrew smiled. "Yeah, he's a... he's a good guy. A great guy!"

"Yeah," Cameron laughed.

"Do you know about him?" Andrew sat up and looked at Cameron intensely, trying to read him.

"Uh...about...him being..." Cameron insinuated.

"Yeah," Andrew laughed.

"Yeah," Cameron suddenly felt uncomfortable. He was afraid that Andrew would ask Cameron if he was gay. But luckily, he didn't.

"He's a good guy," Andrew repeated.

"I agree," Cameron laughed.

"You know, after we slept together..." The words made Cameron's heart stop. Who slept together? Andrew and Matt? Had sex? When? How many times? "I thought he'd be all weird about it because we were such good friends, but he wasn't at all. And we're still just friends...who occasionally...you know" Andrew laughed at that, nudging Cameron. Cameron released a fake laugh.

"How many times have you guys...?" Cameron wanted to find out more.

"A bunch," Andrew laughed. "I told him though...just friends..."

"Yeah," Cameron couldn't think. His mind was spinning. "Where did you grow up?"

He randomly changed the topic. He realized he didn't want to hear about this anymore. None of it. He couldn't handle it. They talked about Andrew's hometown for the rest of the fifteen minutes until Matt and Betty came back. At the point Cameron turned to Matt and said "Can we go back?"

"You sure?" Matt asked. Cameron nodded and Matt made an excuse to leave and they both walked back to Matt's dorm room. They didn't say a word the entire way back. They arrived back at the dorm and Matt closed the door.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked.

"Nothing..." Cameron thought for a moment. "Did you sleep with Andrew?"

Matt's face got red for a second and then he sat down on his bed and didn't say anything.

"Okay," Cameron sighed. "How many people have you had sex with since you got here?"

Matt didn't answer again.

"How many?!" Cameron raised his voice.

"Three," Matt said.

"Three guys?" Cameron combed his hand through his hair.

"Look Cameron..." Matt started to say.

"I can't believe you," Cameron snapped. "We've been broken up for one month! One fucking month!"

"Cameron...you broke up with me," Matt retorted. "You can't just...you can't just break up with someone and expect them to wait around for you. Yeah I was really upset for a while, but I thought you needed to figure stuff out at home, so I decided to move on."

Cameron didn't say anything for a moment.

"Don't even act like you haven't hooked up with anyone at home..." Matt said.

"I haven't!" Cameron yelled.

"Oh don't lie to me, Cameron..." Matt rolled his eyes. "We both know that you and James Winters were flirting non-stop last year. And you're telling me that you guys didn't hook up?"

"Yeah," Cameron nodded.

"Hm," Matt thought for a moment. "So what now?"

"What do you mean?" Cameron asked.

"What now..." Matt insinuated. "What are we now?"

"We're broken up," Cameron said.

"Okay..." Matt said.

"I'm gonna go to bed," Cameron stood up and walked over to Matt's roommates bed. "I'll wake you up when I leave."

"Okay," Matt sat in bed as Cameron got ready and turned the lights off.

They sat in silent for a moment and Matt got into his own bed. Matt was beginning to fall asleep when Cameron spoke.

"I'm not mad at you," Cameron said.

"What?" Matt asked.

"I'm not mad at you," Cameron repeated. "I just don't think that we're supposed to be together."

"Okay," Matt said.

And that was it. They both dozed off.

The next morning Cameron woke up and packed all of his stuff. He shook Matt awake and waved goodbye. Then he called a cab and hopped in. He didn't think about anything until he got on the airplane. He sat staring out the window, and wondered what things would've been like if he had chosen to be with James that day.

Thanks a lot for reading. Please e-mail me your comments, questions, or suggestions for future chapters at ryanwest25@yahoo.com. Thanks agan!