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The Chapel of Love
Christmas Eve 2019
Paul Merton was ill and could not sing in the quartet that was scheduled to perform for the Christmas Eve service. Mark received a telephone call earlier in the day that he was needed for an extra rehearsal with the replacement tenor. Mark had been so proud of the fact that he was singing in the quartet. He knew the Chapel was always packed for the service, and he would get to sing with three of the best singers in the choir. They had rehearsed extensively. They had the music memorized and would sing off-book. Now, there was a kerfuffle.
Preparing for the Christmas season had been crazy for Mark. His job took lots of extra time, as staff decorated each building on the campus for the holidays. Mark was on a team sent around to make sure that everyone was abiding by the fire codes. There were tough conversations when his staff had to tell people to take down decorations, live trees, and to unplug all of those extra extension cords that were connected to crock-pots filled with meatballs and other delicious foods. Everyone wanted to decorate and have a party. Mark was probably a little less sympathetic in his demeanor and responses than people expected during the holiday season. If he had his way, Christmas in 2019 would have been canceled.
There was a restoration project going on in one of the historic buildings, and Mark was on the university architectural/construction team. The contractor was rushing some of the work so the workers could take extra time for the holidays. Rushing led to errors, and it was Mark who discovered a major mistake on the fifteenth of December. Mark considered it a safety violation and shut down all work while architects, engineers, and contractors met with the Duke team. Mark received kudos from his boss for his diligence in catching the mistake. At first, the contractor took umbrage at Mark stopping the work until the issue was resolved, but after the engineers and architects had finished raking the contractor over the coals, he thanked Mark for finding the error before it was repeated and expanded, or worse, before someone had been injured or a building had burned to the ground. Mark put in a lot of overtime as it was in everyone's best interest to keep the project on schedule. His boss, Mike, knew that Mark was the right man for the job when he saw Mark not lose him cool when taking verbal abuse from the contractor. Mike thought Mark had grown tremendously in the few months he was in the job and was convinced that he had found his replacement when retirement came knocking on the door.
Leading up to Christmas, the choir had sung three performances of "The Messiah," and Mark gave it his all each time. Each performance was sold out. Luckily, Mark didn't have any solos, but the rigor of singing those performances after working all day was tough. Then there was the filming of a performance of music that would be broadcast on Christmas Eve night. The technical rehearsal was grueling and went on forever but led to a flawless performance. As challenging as the singing schedule was, it was the only thing that allowed Mark to move outside of his well-ordered life, and it brought him a modicum of joy. He decided he would just have to look haggard. He internalized all of his angst and loneliness. Joe and Thomas reached out to help, but Mark knew this was his own personal hell to live through. He felt like he had brought the problems upon himself, as he struggled to find his way back to a normal life for him and his children. Mark had gotten through the extra thirty days of court review, and he had custody of his children, but he didn't trust that his parents wouldn't come back with new allegations. He wasn't willing to subject himself or the children to more torture. He had decided he would be single until they were grown and on their own.
Mark shook his head, wondering how he had so wrongly assumed that he had time for work, choir, family, and school. He had three in-class exams. Mark stayed up late nights studying for them and felt that he had aced all three. For the spring semester, Mark decided he was only taking two courses.
And then there were the kids. Mark gave thanks to Joe and Thomas. They had been incredible. Mark and the kids had picked out a giant Christmas tree for the Mill House. Joe had built a stand so it wouldn't fall over. Mark thought the stand was over-engineered but knew not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Of course, the tree was 14 feet tall, and when Joe said the tree needed a lot of support, that is what it got.
After church on the last Sunday of Advent, Mark and the kids invited Joe, Thomas, and Clay over for lunch and tree decorating. They spent the entire afternoon hanging ornaments. Mark decided he would sit back and let them be holiday happy. Thomas and Joe also showed up with their son, Sean, who had flown in that morning from Philadelphia. All three laughed about never knowing if a flight would leave that airport in the winter.
"I swear the weather conspires against that airport. It was snowing and sleeting as I tried to get to the airport. Then we had to walk outside to the plane because of renovations in the terminal." Sean was a smallish, handsome man who spoke with an Irish lilt. He spent part of each year in Ireland in memory of his mother. Belinda was completely taken with him; the feeling was mutual. Sean, Joe, and Thomas kept laughing about a woman named Thelma and her Christmas tree decorating skills. It was apparent that the three men were extremely close and loved each other. Sean was never more than arms reach from Joe the entire afternoon. Sean became more centered and relaxed the longer he spent with his dad. Clay had attached himself to Belinda, and they giggled and laughed as they decorated the tree. Joe brought over a step ladder so they could reach the upper branches. When it was time for the star to be placed on top of the tree, Joe helped Belinda climb to the very top of the ladder and put it on the tree. Belinda was afraid she was going to fall, but Joe held her tight. As soon as Joe climbed down, Clay asked to be picked up and for Joe to let him look at the star. Clay held on and glowed in Joe's embrace. As the sunlight moved to darkness, Robert turned on the tree lights, and the room glowed. At that moment, they all felt that Christmas had arrived.
Mark made Oyster Stew for dinner, which he served along with warm French bread and salad. He had bought white chocolate brownies for dessert. While Mark was preparing the food, Joe and Thomas went back to the Yellow House to retrieve all of the Christmas packages to go under the tree. Sean sat wrapped in a blanket in the great room of the Mill House. He had gotten chilled earlier in the day, and while trying to put on a good show, he was starting to feel rather awful. Clay wrapped himself in the blanket also and hugged Sean. Belinda and Robert went to their bedrooms to get beautifully wrapped packages to place under the tree. Thomas had helped them wrap the boxes. Mark was the last to bring in packages that he had asked be wrapped in the stores where he had shopped. While Mark was working over the holiday, Joe had taken Robert with him as he did some home repairs for folks. It reminded Joe of taking Sean with him to work sites. Belinda stayed with Thomas and helped him and Clay bake cookies for the elderly. Thomas said something about an old family gingerbread cookie recipe. When he mentioned the cookies, Sean's ears perked up, and he said they were the best cookies in the world. Clay grabbed Sean's face, looked him in the eyes, and said he loved gingerbread cookies. Sean rubbed noses with Clay and said they would make sure that Thomas baked some over the holidays. Clay giggled and hugged Sean again.
After dinner, Joe picked up Sean, who was protesting mightily and carried him home. Joe laughed and told Sean he was never too old or too heavy for him to be his Daddy Joe. Sean was much paler and weaker than he had been earlier in the day. Clay giggled about Sean being in Joe's arms. Thomas held Clay's hand as they walked between the two houses. In the middle of the night, Mark was awakened by red and blue lights flashing in his bedroom windows. Emergency vehicles were in the driveway of Joe and Thomas' house. Mark was running across the field when he saw EMS personnel lifting Sean into the back of the ambulance. Joe and Thomas were standing there, not knowing what to do.
"Go with him, and I will be at the hospital shortly. Both of you. Go with Sean. I will take care of Clay. Go."
Officer Cartwright looked at Thomas and said for them to get dressed, and he would take them to Duke Hospital. They both ran inside while Mark spoke to the officer.
"Can you stay with them until I get there? I need to get the children dressed and will be there in a few minutes."
"Of course, Mark. I will stay, be careful driving tonight."
Thomas and Joe walked out of the house, got in the deputy's car, and Mark could hear the sirens fill the late-night air as they turned onto Route 70, heading to the medical center. Mark went upstairs to Clay's room and wrapped him in a blanket. He had on pajamas, and Mark thought they would suffice.
Belinda and Robert were confused after being awakened in the middle of the night to go to the hospital. When they arrived at the Emergency Department, they both ran to Joe and Thomas and hugged them. Mark put the sleeping child in Joe's arms. Both men had tears running down their cheeks. Belinda looked at Thomas and asked if she could say a blessing. Thomas could only nod as he hugged Joe. Belinda stood, and put her hands on Joe's and Thomas' heads and said a blessing for the two of them. The kids them climbed onto the sofa beside their grandfathers and promptly fell asleep.
Mark paced the reception area, continually asking the clerk if there was an update on Sean. Officer Cartwright sat in a chair beside Thomas and Joe. When Mark thanked him for bringing them to the hospital, he said he had taken off the rest of the shift and would stay there with them until they knew what was happening.
Finally, the sun was lighting the horizon, and Joe and Thomas were told that Sean was in a room. The doctor was waiting to give them an update. Mark and Officer Cartwright thought it was the perfect time to take the children to the cafeteria for breakfast.
Thomas and Joe were confused when the doctor was talking about waiting for Sean's medical records from a sanitarium in Europe.
"Didn't Sean tell you he has spent the last few months in a sanitarium in Germany?"
Neither did.
"They are experimenting with some new treatments for people born with congenital tuberculosis and who developed active disease. Sean was there participating in a clinical trial."
"Our son was in the hospital in Europe?"
"Yes, so to speak. Sean will be able to tell you more when he awakens. We will also have a better understanding of the treatment and the recommendations for what we should be doing."
Joe and Thomas sat and were stupefied that Sean had not disclosed this to them, especially Joe, who felt that Sean told him everything. Sean had a high temperature and had trouble breathing, but the doctor didn't want to put him on a ventilator until his oxygen level was more critical. He was on oxygen, so when Joe and Thomas arrived in the room, they were frightened seeing the mask on his face.
A fine sheen of sweat was on Sean's forehead, and he had no color. He was sleeping which was good given the coughing spell he had in the emergency room cubicle. His entire body wracked with spasms as he coughed. The doctor had mainlined a medication to relax the muscles and reflex actions; he was also given drugs to reduce the fever. That combination helped Sean sleep.
There was a movement at the door when Mark and a nurse entered the room. Mark was wearing a mask, and the nurse had them for Joe and Thomas. They looked at each other and were devastated.
"This is just a precaution until we know more. You should wear masks." Joe and Thomas took the masks, but neither would put them on.
Belinda and Robert stuck their heads in the door and asked if they could come in. The nurse told them 'no' because they were not wearing masks. Belinda gave the nurse a dismissive look because she thought her question was a mere formality; she wasn't really asking permission. She then proceeded to walk up to her father and grabbed his hand.
"I don't need a mask because Sister Mary Agnes said I am special, and I am fine just as I am."
Both Thomas and Joe turned in amazement to look at Belinda.
"Who?"
"Sister Mary Agnes. I met her at the parade. She was dressed funny in some sort of black dress and had a strange thing on her head. Well, you know, she was a he. He had a beard and was wearing this dress thing. It was not as pretty as mine. But he said his name was Sister Mary Agnes."
Thomas and Joe both knew of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
"Anyway, he said I have special healing powers. Do you want me to heal Sean?"
"You have special healing powers?"
"Yes, daddy. Sister Mary Agnes said so, and she told me how to do it."
"How do you do it?"
Belinda paused for a few seconds like she was listening to someone. She then nodded her head.
"I am not allowed to talk about it, but can I show you on Sean since he is sick."
Thomas and Joe looked at each other and then slowly nodded their heads in agreement.
"Okay, Uncle Joe and Uncle Thomas, I need for you to hold Sean's hands. Joe was holding Clay with one hand while holding Sean with the other. Daddy, get Robert and Mr. Deputy." Mark did as Belinda had instructed. "Robert, you hold onto one foot and Mr. Deputy you hold the other one. Daddy, I need you to wrap your hands around Sean's head. Let me show you." Belinda showed Mark exactly how to place his hands on Sean's head. "Okay. You all have to hold on tight, so the devil doesn't take him away. Now, I am going to whisper things in Sean's ears. You are not allowed to hear what I say." They did as Belinda directed them. She then bent over and quietly talked to Sean. Thomas was the first to see Sean's eyes flickering. Belinda kept whispering to Sean. Joe couldn't see anything because tears were running down his face. Robert and Deputy Cartwright held on tight as Sean's legs started moving like he was trying to run. Belinda kept talking to Sean. Mark held Sean's head down. Joe felt Sean squeezing his hand, and then Sean exhaled a loud breath. He opened his eyes and looked at everyone. Belinda kept whispering to him until Sean turned his head, looked at Belinda, and thanked her.
Everyone stood back in amazement. Thomas told Belinda she had performed a miracle.
"It was Sister Mary Agnes. She was whispering in his other ear. You saw her, right? She was talking in one ear, and I was talking in the other. I was here to help her."
No one knew what to say.
Sean removed the oxygen mask and asked for something to drink. The nurses and doctor were going crazy, trying to figure out what had just happened.
Belinda sat in a chair, turned to the empty chair beside her, and said, "I think we did something good. Thank you for helping me. I am still learning."
Sean smiled at Belinda and told her that she was an angel. He then looked at his dad and papa and asked, "What does a boy have to do to get a gingerbread cookie around here?" He then started laughing.
Joe and Thomas burst out laughing and crying at the same time. Mark stood back, not understanding what Belinda had done. She had performed a miracle which he couldn't fully comprehend. There was no logical explanation. When Mark quizzed her, she said it was love at work.
"Love heals everything, daddy."
Mark looked at Sean, Thomas, and Joe and saw a glow of love surrounding them. He couldn't rationalize what had happened. There had to be a scientific explanation. When Mark asked Robert what he thought happened, his son simply stated that Belinda said it was love, and they should believe her. Mark wasn't so sure, and that message didn't sound right coming from the mouth of the ever- practical Robert.
Over the next two days, Sean told his Daddy Joe and Papa Thomas everything. He said that the European clinical trial was to help extend his life beyond what was initially projected. He didn't tell them beforehand because it was all highly experimental. By all accounts, he should have already died. The medical records came from Germany and showed a slight improvement in Sean's overall condition, but the overall prognosis was not good. Sean told them that he was warned not to overdo anything for a few more weeks as he had just finished a treatment at a clinic in Philadelphia, but he wanted to see his dads so much that he had not followed their instructions. Sean was released on Tuesday afternoon with approval for only one outing: the Christmas Eve concert at Duke Chapel.
Mark had warned his group to arrive early since he had requested a special place for a wheelchair at the aisle end of the third row. Sean had been upset at Mark for treating him like an invalid, but Joe was thankful and told his son to accept the decision. Sean would have a wheelchair ride up the long aisle of the Chapel. Clay laughed and asked if he could ride with Sean. Sean smiled and said they could ride together and maybe do wheelies. Clay giggled and then grabbed Sean and told him he loved him.
Mark pulled into the parking garage, grabbed his music, caught his breath, and wondered how the quartet would sound with someone who had not rehearsed with them. He walked across the parking lot and then up the ramp to the staff door of the Chapel. The security guard recognized him and wished him a Merry Christmas. When he walked into the Nave, Mark saw a group huddled on the steps in front of the altar. He smiled and was glad that he wasn't late for the rehearsal. Then he saw Dan. His face froze. Surely, Dan wasn't the replacement tenor. Dan smiled at him. They situated themselves, and the organist started. Mark missed his entrance. The conductor asked if the group needed to use their music. They looked at Mark and he apologized and said no. The organist started again and Mark came in on cue though his voice wasn't focused.
"Mark, are you okay? Your voice sounds strained and off-kilter."
"No, I am good. I just haven't had time to warm up. It will be fine."
What wasn't fine was that he was standing next to Dan. The two men stood front and center on the chancel steps with the women standing on either side of them. They arranged themselves so they could hear each other's voices. They sang the aria through twice before choir members started arriving and the general rehearsal started.
He and Dan did not speak to each other. They looked at each other and sang, but didn't speak.
While vesting for the service, Dan came over and told Mark that he was glad to be singing with him. Mark said it was 'all good, no problem, everything was fine.' It obviously wasn't. When it was time for the service to begin, the choir sang the introit from the Narthex. It was a Russian carol that filtered into the far reaches of the Nave. A soprano then stepped forward and started singing the first verse of "Once in Royal David's City." On the second verse, the choir started singing, and choir members paired off as they processed up the aisle. You never knew who your partner might be in the procession. There were extra people in the choir that night, and there were no logical pairs. Mark's voice caught when he realized he was processing beside Dan, who was singing in his full glorious tenor voice, which brought the first smile to Mark's face since he had arrived.
Belinda was waving at Mark as he approached the chancel steps. Mark's group was sitting together. When Belinda saw Dan, she blew him a kiss. Dan smiled and blew one in return. The singers filed into the choir stalls. Mark realized that he was in good voice now that he had warmed up. He was relieved and happy. The Chapel was full of people with every seat taken, and there were many standing along the walls. He reminded himself to focus on the music and not to be the fire marshal. The choir wanted to show off their prowess and meticulously followed each cue from the conductor. They were on-point and sang gloriously. It was time for the quartet to sing. Mark suddenly realized that he was extremely nervous, and his hands were shaking. The four singers exited the choir stalls and made their way to the chancel steps.
Mark looked stricken. He realized his hubris had caught up with him. He was going to be a blithering idiot if he tried to sing, and he fought back nausea. Luckily, there was an organ introduction so Mark could get himself prepared, but he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He then felt a hand take his. After the initial electric shock, it was steadying. He looked at Dan, who was smiling at him. Mark's heart instantly filled with love, the fear disappeared, and Mark opened his mouth to sing. The aria was more beautiful than it had ever been. The duet between Dan and Mark in the middle section had the men looking at each other, holding hands, and trying not to smile as they sang. There was a hush in the congregation when they finished, and then there the sound of a pair of hands clapping. Then a second pair. The claps were coming from down front. Mark looked over to see Belinda and Robert standing and clapping. The congregation joined in applauding the singers.
They all bowed and went back to their places. Mark looked across the chancel to Dan and mouthed 'thank you.' Dan just smiled before standing to sing the next piece of music.
The service was ending with one more major piece to sing. The Flentrop Organ voiced the opening to David Willcocks' arrangement of "O Come, All Ye Faithful." The Aeolian Organ joined in the cacophony. The sopranos sang the descant on the third verse, and then the choir members quickly moved out of their stalls, down the steps, and toward the back of the church. They anticipated the bombast of sound on the last verse. The tenors and basses usually split after they passed the last pew, to walk back up the side aisle on opposite sides of the Chapel, but Dan turned and walked behind Mark. Their voices blended as they belted out the final refrain. When Mark looked up, he saw Belinda walking down the center aisle hand in hand with the Dean of the Divinity School. Mark could only smile at his beautiful child. She had on a white dress and had a St. Lucia crown on her head. She looked like an angel. Mark was walking toward the Narthex when he felt Dan grab his arm.
"Merry Christmas, Mark. You were wonderful."
Dan was holding onto Mark as throngs of people were trying to get past. Mark grabbed Dan's hand, and they moved over to the side. People were still bumping into them. Mark pulled Dan to him and whispered thanks in his ear.
"It was because of your support that I was able to sing the quartet. Thank you."
"I will always support and love you."
They each leaned back, looked in the other's eyes, and then lunged forward as their mouths met. They lost all sense of other people in the Chapel as they clung to each other kissing. It was only when Dan felt a tap on his shoulder that he came up for air.
"Merry Christmas, Daniel."
"Joe, Thomas, Robert, Clay, Merry Christmas. How are you? I have missed you."
Joe introduced Sean, who gave high compliments on Dan and Mark's singing. Mark had his arm around Dan's waist and was not letting him step away. Clay wanted a hug from his Uncle Dr. Dan.
"Ummm, Dan and I need to change. Are we meeting back at the Mill House for late-night eggnog?"
"Yep, we will take the kids. Take your time. I will heat some food because you have to be starved after singing that service. It was phenomenal."
Just as that moment, the Dean delivered Belinda to her family. It seemed the most natural thing in the world.
"Belinda, I have a Christmas present for you in my office. Why don't we go there while your dad is getting changed?"
Joy radiated from Belinda's face. Thomas, Joe, Sean, Clay, and Robert followed Belinda and the Dean as they crossed the courtyard and then into the Divinity School building. The Dean gave Belinda a pectoral cross that was usually worn by a Bishop. She immediately put it on. He also handed her a certificate that made her an honorary member of the clergy at Duke Chapel. Joe said they would have it framed to hang in the house.
"I need to meet with you so that you can tell me about Sister Mary Agnes. I heard all about what you did at the hospital, and I would like to know more." Belinda was beaming.
Most of the choir members had left by the time Mark and Dan went downstairs to change. They were holding hands.
"Will you come to the house for drinks and food?"
"Yes, but I can't ride my bicycle home tonight on dark roads."
Mark smiled. "Just as I planned. I have a Christmas present for you, and you will need to spend the night to get it."
As they were leaving the building, Dan took Mark's hand. They walked into the parking garage, and Mark took Dan in his arms and kissed him.
"We are probably on camera."
"Good, let them look. Let the entire world see."
Mark drove to Dan's apartment so that he could pack some clothes. Dan grabbed his bicycle out of the back of the truck and took it into the apartment. There were a few wrapped presents under a small tree in the corner. Dan put them in a pillowcase. Mark had been in the studio apartment before but hadn't realized how small it was until that night. They got in the truck, and Mark drove Route 70 to the house. He wasn't in a hurry to get home. He and Dan held hands in the truck before Dan unbuckled his seat belt, slid over, and put his hand on Mark's thigh.
"Merry Christmas. I am so glad that we are talking again."
Dan smiled, leaned over, and kissed Mark's cheek.
"Me too. It was killing me."
"It was killing me too. I almost dropped out of the choir because it hurt so much to see you each week."
"Well, no more about that. We are together tonight, and you are going to be here to celebrate not only today, but I hope all days after that." Dan was startled at the announcement, but he knew that Mark could sometimes be over-expansive in his statements. Dan knew he needed to protect his heart, but he didn't know how. He knew that he would always love Mark.
When they arrived at the Mill House, Joe had built a roaring fire in the fireplace. The kids were jumping around and singing. Mark looked at Thomas and asked how much sugar he had given to them. Thomas looked sheepish.
"Okay, kids. There is a rule at Christmas. Do you know what it is?"
"No, daddy. What is the rule?"
"Well, Belinda, this is the rule. Santa doesn't come until all of the kids are in bed." Robert grabbed Belinda's hand and said they were going to bed. Clay was dancing around and said he was spending the night with Belinda. Belinda told Dan and Mark how beautifully they sang together.
"Dr. Dan, I thought you were going to smooch daddy right there on the steps."
"I wasn't going to smooch your daddy."
"Well, it looked like it. I could see the love in your eyes. You were both so pretty."
"Well, come here pretty-one, let me give you a smooch so you can go to bed."
"Are you going to be here when we get up in the morning?"
"Yes, Santa told me to come here for my Christmas present. So, I am here."
"Well, you better get in bed so Santa can give you a present."
Mark blushed. Dan laughed and said he would be sure to do that.
After the kids were in bed, the menfolk sat in the front of the fire chatting. Sean told Mark and Dan about the magical Christmas pageant many years before. They were all misty-eyed at the remembrance. Sean sat on the sofa next to Joe, who had his arm over his son's shoulder. Sean leaned into Joe and kissed his cheek.
"Magic happens at Christmas." Everyone nodded at Sean's comment.
Thomas and Joe quietly walked across the yard and got out all of the Santa Claus presents for the kids. Luckily, Joe had already put together everything that needed his skills. He had even bought batteries for all of the toys.
At last, Mark and Dan were ready for bed. They were suddenly shy and tentative with each other.
"We don't have to do anything, Mark."
"Yes, we do. Santa has to give you a present."
Dan chuckled. "And what is that present?"
"Love. Santa is here to love you. Please forgive him and let him love you." Dan grabbed Mark's hand and pulled him along as they raced to the bedroom.