We Need to be Angels
September 2019
Dan was restless. He had agreed not to have sex until he and Mark had a date, but he found it challenging to be in bed with the handsome, sexy man. When they undressed to go to bed, Dan gasped when he looked at Mark. Dan thought him the most beautiful man he had ever seen. They looked at each other and grinned. Dan tossed and turned. He decided that there was only one solution. He got up, grabbed a quilt that was at the foot of the bed, and went into the living area where he curled up on the sofa. He then fell into a restless sleep. It was only slightly more comfortable than the bed in his furnished studio apartment, which Dan considered had the worst mattress in Durham.
The sound of someone in the kitchen woke him. Mark came over and kissed him on the cheek and told him it was time to get up. Dan smiled when he opened his eyes and saw Mark looking at him.
"Get up and take a shower. I have to get the kids ready for school."
Dan pulled himself up from the sofa and realized his back would be screaming in pain all day. He dragged the quilt behind him as he walked to the bedroom. Dan didn't have any clean clothes, so he put on his scrubs from the day before. Mark's clothes were too big for his smaller frame. He would grab some clean scrubs when he got to his office. Normally, he would wear his chinos, button-down shirt, and tie when seeing patients in the office. After spending the night with Mark, he didn't care.
Robert and Belinda stared at him when he came out of Mark's bedroom after he had showered and dressed. He smiled and said, good morning. They both greeted Dan while chewing on their Cheerios. Mark smiled and said he cleaned up right good. Belinda was charmed that he was there for breakfast. Robert gave him a suspicious look. Mark asked if he could even walk after sleeping on the sofa. Dan grimaced and said he would live, but just barely. He then grinned to let them know he was joking. Robert kept looking at his dad, trying to determine why he wanted them to know that Dan had slept on the sofa.
Mark and Dan dropped the kids off at school and drove to the Duke campus. Mark had reached over and held Dan's hand after the kids got out of the truck. Mark turned onto Trent Drive and dropped Dan at the entrance to the medical office complex. As Dan was getting out of the truck, Mark stopped Dan and said he had forgotten something. Dan had a quizzical look on his face. Mark leaned over and kissed him, and a smile quickly lit up Dan's face. He then pulled himself into the cab and gave Mark another kiss. They were both grinning as Mark pulled his truck into the traffic circle.
Mark headed to his office on the East Campus, where he had a meeting scheduled. He couldn't help smiling. Mark was actually bouncing on the truck seat. All day long, he found himself daydreaming about Dan. Damn, he hadn't felt like this for many years.
At the end of the workday, Mark was at the entrance to the hospital and picked up Dan. They headed west to Hillsborough. He didn't have a class that night, and he and Dan were going to spend it with the children. Mark decided he wanted barbeque and asked Dan if he would eat this American food. Dan laughed and said he was introduced to the Eastern North Carolina delicacy when he moved to the area. Mark couldn't tell if Dan was being sarcastic and decided not to have a debate about one of his favorite foods. Dan didn't understand the competitive nature of how barbeque was prepared and that each region had its own methods of seasoning, preparing, cooking, and serving the meat. He heard there was a similar competition among people who cooked "Brunswick Stew." He had joked that it sounded like a fun competition until someone disabused him of that notion. Southern people took their barbeque seriously. Dan had been told that the best barbeque in the state was at Parker's in Wilson. Other people swore by Bill's while many people in the down east said it was Wilbur's in Goldsboro. They weren't traveling that night, so they went to Hillsborough Barbeque Company for dinner. While they were eating, Mark looked up and saw his parents, sister, and brother-in- law, walk into the restaurant. Belinda started waving at them. Dan saw them and had a quizzical look on his face; he knew who they were from the hospital. Mark was flushed. Robert sat back with an appraising look at what was happening. When Big Mark saw them, he stormed out the door saying something about damned faggots.
Mark pushed his plate to the center of the table. He had lost his appetite.
"Dad, eat your dinner. They shouldn't be able to spoil our dinner; please eat with us."
Mark looked at Robert and decided he was right. Robert then looked at Dan and knew there was something he wasn't saying. Robert decided that he would act grown-up that night because someone at the table had to take on an adult role. Mark looked across the table at Dan and realized that he was very distraught.
"I apologize, Mark. I didn't know they would be here."
Mark looked astounded.
"Dan, what are you talking about?"
"Those people who just came in. I had a fight with them in the hospital. The man said some fairly awful things to me, and I called security to have them removed from the hospital. The man told me he would kill me if I did something which I was required by law to do."
Dan realized there were three pairs of eyes on him. He saw their mouths hanging open.
Robert signaled the waitress and asked for the check. When she came, Mark gave her a credit card to pay for dinner. She packaged their uneaten food.
"Let's get out of here. This place has bad juju tonight."
Nothing was said as they drove across town to the Mill House. When they got home, Robert told Belinda they were going upstairs so their dad could talk with Dan.
Mark took Dan's hand, and they walked down to the bank of the river. He needed to be outside of the hearing range of the kids. Robert thought he already knew what his dad was going to say to Dan because of what he had heard at school. One of the kids in his classroom had told him that his dad was queer. Robert had beat up the kid. The teacher told Robert she was going to have to call his dad. Robert was stricken with fear that it was one more thing for his dad to handle. Robert didn't think what was being said was true, but now he wasn't so sure. Belinda, being generally self-absorbed, thought it perfectly natural that her dad and Dan were together. She decided her dad was like her in some fundamental way. She had already fit Dan into her construct of their family life.
Mark took off his shoes and socks and dipped his toes in the water. Mark sat with tears running down his face; Dan realized Mark was broken in a way he didn't fully comprehend. Mark started by telling Dan that those people were his family. Mark then told Dan of his life over the past month, how his father had fired him, why they moved, and how his parents had sued him for custody of the children. When he finished, Mark realized that Dan had wrapped him in an embrace of love and compassion. Dan rocked Mark and told him that he would protect him. Dan held Mark until he felt the tension dissipate.
Dan then told Mark about the boy whose head had been kicked by his irate step- father. Dan was clear that the perpetrator wasn't any of those people that had come into the restaurant, but it was the younger man's brother. Mark said that the younger man was his brother-in-law, Ben.
"I am probably breaking confidentiality by disclosing this, but today your father said that he was upset that I had to report the case to Child Protective Services. I told him I was required by law to report the case, which would lead to an investigation. He told me he would find me, kick my butt, and would make sure I was fired from my job. He then said he would kill me if I did anything else. I called hospital security and had your family removed from the hospital. Your father called me racial and sexual epithets as security guards walked them out of the room. They are banned from ever returning to the hospital."
They both sat beside the river, stunned.
"Well, that is a smelly kettle of fish."
They sat and didn't say anything else; each was feeling sorry that he had pulled the other into his own dysfunction.
"I think I need to be held tonight. Please don't sleep on the sofa."
Dan smiled and said he was thinking the same thing. They kissed each other before grabbing their shoes, holding hands, and walking into the house where they found Robert sitting on the sofa.
"Dad, I need to talk to you about school."
Dan looked at them. "I will go shower."
"You probably want to hear this also. Can you stay here with dad and me?"
Dan didn't know what was going to be said but sat in a club chair. Robert was visibly upset.
"Dad, are the two of you boyfriends?"
Mark was startled by the question coming from his son.
"Well, son, I guess it is more accurate to say we like each other. We haven't even been on a date. Why, what's going on?"
"Billy Umphlette told everyone in class today that you were a queer. I beat him up at recess. Mrs. Reynolds is going to call you. I have detention and can't have recess all week. Dad, are you gay?"
"No, I don't think of myself as gay?"
"Then why are you dating Dan if you aren't gay. Isn't that being dishonest with him?"
Both Dan and Mark were startled by what Robert had said.
"I know I have to defend Belinda. She is my sister, and I will fight to the end of the earth for her. I didn't know that my dad was gay, also. Am I the only normal person in this house? This is so fucked up!"
Robert jumped up, called them both queers, and ran upstairs. They heard his bedroom door slam. They sat with stunned looks on their faces.
"I think I should go back to campus."
Mark was distressed that Dan might leave.
"I need you to be here. Please. Go take a shower while I talk with Robert."
Dan was asleep when Mark finally left Robert's room and came to his own bed. It had been an awkward conversation when Mark laid out his heart to his son. He thought it was entirely unfair that he was saying some of these things to his son, but in many ways, his children were very mature for their ages and Robert understood what Mark was saying. When Mark finished, Robert hugged him and apologized for calling him a queer.
"You need to apologize to Dan."
"Can it wait until breakfast?"
"Yep, it can Skippy. I know you are upset, but I really, really, really hate that word."
Robert asked Mark to stay until he fell asleep. Mark held his son until the regular breathing let him know that Robert had slumbered into sleep. Mark went to the shower before crawling into bed and then wrapping Dan in his arms. They slept soundly through the night. Mark awoke when he smelled coffee brewing. Mark looked over and saw that it was still five minutes before the alarm. He kissed Dan's cheek and whispered that it was time to get up.
The kids were dressed for school when Mark and Dan went into the kitchen. Robert and Belinda had prepared breakfast. It was just boxes of cereal, milk, and fruit, but they had set the table for them to eat. Mugs of coffee were at Mark and Dan's places while Robert and Belinda had juice at theirs.
"Dr. Dan, I apologize for what I said last night. I was angry, but that is no excuse for my language. Please forgive my bad behavior."
Dan pondered this for about two seconds and then walked up to Robert and extended his hand.
"Apology accepted, sir. That required a lot of courage on your part, and I admire your bravery."
They both realized it was their first man to man encounter. Dan treated Robert as an adult, as a peer. Robert knew the moment was significant, but he didn't fully understand the power and courage of what he had done.
As Robert was getting out of the truck at school, he asked his dad if he could visit with Joe after school.
"There are some things I need to talk about with Joe."
Mark knew that the two of them had a special bond.
"Of course, be home by suppertime. You still have to do your homework. I'll call Kathy and tell her you won't be home after school. Make sure you do your homework. I have a class tonight, so I will be late getting home." When Mark called Joe later in the morning, Mark found his friend and mentor very distracted. Joe said he would do whatever was needed and to tell Robert that he would be home.
Joe had a reason to be distracted. He had received a disturbing telephone call that morning from Social Services. Joe and Thomas had applied and been approved to be foster parents when they moved to Hillsborough. They had not been called to foster a child until that very morning. When the caseworker explained the case, Joe told her that he would talk with his husband, and they would get back to her either later that day or at the latest, the following morning. The caseworker said to take their time because the little boy would be in the hospital for at least another week. Thomas was working at the medical school that morning and was surprised when Joe met him at the driveway when he arrived home at lunchtime. Thomas had noticed that Joe was pacing the field as he drove up the street to their home. Something wasn't right. Joe opened the car door for Thomas. Joe looked in Thomas' eyes and then started crying.
"Is it Sean? Is something wrong with our son?"
"Nope, let's go in, and I will tell you. I fixed us some lunch."
Thomas found sandwiches already made and a can of tomato basil soup on the countertop ready to be heated. Thomas chuckled, thinking that Joe had done well since the man was usually a disaster in the kitchen.
While the soup was warming, Thomas went to the bedroom and took off his clerical collar and put on a sweatshirt. When he returned, Joe was looking out of the kitchen window. Thomas put his arms across Joe's shoulders and asked what was on his mind.
"See that pair of cardinals in the yard?"
"Yes, I do, my love."
"Those are you and me. We need to be angels."
Thomas waited for Joe to continue. Joe had a hitch in his breath, said he was hungry, and they would talk while eating.
Thomas said the grace and waited for Joe to start.
"I had a telephone call this morning from social services. Remember that we were approved as foster parents in North Carolina. Well, they have a boy that needs a home."
"Joe, do we have the time? You still have work to do on the Mill House. You are winterizing our home. Mark and the kids have just moved in. I have taken this faculty position at the medical school in Chapel Hill, I am on faculty at Duke, and I am committed to the diocese for several projects. We are no longer young men with boundless energy."
Joe nodded his head in agreement. He finished chewing the bite of sandwich in his mouth and looked at his husband.
"Thomas, we are going to do this. I will do whatever it takes to convince you. I have even talked with your voodoo doll and your dammit-to-hell doll this morning. I beat that poor dammit doll to the point that I thought she was going to fly apart. I kept saying, no, no, no, we can't do this. And the answer kept coming back that we must. That our answer must be yes."
Thomas stopped and looked into Joe's eyes. He paused because he knew that there was only one answer.
"I love you so much. You are the most caring, wonderful husband in the world. Tell me about our new son."
"I don't know a lot. He is in the hospital and will be there for probably another week. His step-father stomped him in the head. His mother is in jail for drugs. No one knows where the birth father is living."
Joe pushed all of those words out of his mouth with one breath. Thomas didn't say a word; he knew that Joe needed to get his thoughts together.
"It was touch and go at first, but it looks like he is going to be okay physically. The social worker said he has a brilliant doctor from France who has been obsessive about his care."
At that point, Thomas looked at Joe, wondering if the doctor was Dan.
"The boy, Clay, was playing with a doll when his step-father got angry and stomped him in the head. The mother screamed, and the man stopped. The mother took Clay to the Emergency Room in the middle of the night. When the hospital notified the police, a team went to the house and found a drug sale happening. They arrested the man for assault and child abuse, and they arrested the woman for dealing drugs. This was the third time the woman had been arrested on drug charges. Neither of them will get out of jail anytime soon."
"It turns out that when children come into the hospital who have been subjected to abuse, they receive a full examination for hidden or prior injuries. Clay not only had head trauma, but they found a broken bone in his arm that had healed incorrectly. He had never received care for that injury. They are going to operate on his arm to re-break the bone and set it. He also had bruises on his body. The poor boy has been through a living hell. Also, the boy does not speak. The staff suspect he can talk but is too traumatized at this point."
"Joe, how old is Clay?"
"He is only four years old. He hasn't attended daycare, so there was no one outside of the family to notice and report the injuries."
"So, are we keeping Clay until a family member takes him in?"
"We will get details, but I don't think there is any other family suitable at this time. Some extended family members visited the hospital, and the doctor had them removed from the premises. None of them were blood kin. Someone in the extended family threatened to kill the doctor."
Thomas looked at the uneaten sandwich on his plate. He hadn't taken a bite of his soup. Thomas lifted his glass of tea and took a sip. He needed time to think, and so he took a bite of his sandwich. Good manners dictated that he not talk when he had food in his mouth. Joe wanted an answer, but Thomas needed time to think about this proposal, so he slowly chewed the food.
Joe stopped eating and looked at Thomas. Joe had a pleading look that Thomas had not seen since they were dealing with Sean's medical issues.
"So, the boy was playing with a doll?"
"Yes, the step-father called him a sissy-boy faggot and then told him he didn't deserve to live."
Joe knew what words to say to Thomas so that each of his compassionate care buttons was pushed.
"He told Clay he could live on the street or in a ditch because he wasn't his daddy. He told Clay he hated him and that God hated him because he was queer."
Joe had reached out and grabbed Thomas' hands.
"Thomas, God is telling us that we have to do this. We have been on the list for over a year and never received a call. Why now? God needs us to protect this child." "How long?"
"I don't know. We have an appointment tomorrow morning at the hospital with the social services caseworker, the hospital social worker, the doctor, and some administrator. I have already looked at your calendar, and you need to cancel the meeting you have tomorrow morning. Promise me you will do that."
"Is our going to the meeting a commitment for us to foster Clay?"
"No, I told Mrs. Exum that we would need to have a conversation first, meet with them, and then make a decision."
"What will happen if we say no?"
"Thomas, we both know about foster care systems. I don't think North Carolina is different than Philadelphia."
Thomas nodded his head, went to the telephone, and canceled his appointment for the following day. Joe walked up behind him and wrapped his husband in his arms. They found solace in each other's touch.
Later that afternoon, there was a knock at the kitchen door, and Joe found Robert wanting to talk. Thomas stood at the kitchen window and watched Joe and Robert circle the field while talking. Robert was gesticulating as he talked and then would calm when Joe talked. They were both intense in different ways - Robert had intense anger that he was releasing. Joe had intense empathy for his young friend. Finally, they sat at the picnic table in the backyard. Joe had his arm across Robert's shoulder and was comforting him. Thomas poured two glasses of lemonade and took them out to them. Thomas was sure their throats were parched. Robert's manners came forward.
"Thank you, Uncle Thomas. I love you and Uncle Joe."
"We love you also, Robert. Did Uncle Joe help you with your problem?"
"How did you know I had a problem?"
Thomas laughed.
"You are just like Joe. When he has a problem, he walks circles around that field, talking to himself, working out the problem, and coming up with solutions. It looked like both of you were doing that today. You are like two peas in a pod, as my granny would say."
Robert blushed.
"Uncle Joe helped me a lot. I may need to come back again, especially if I get lemonade afterward." Robert gave them a mischievous smile.
They laughed and Robert said he needed to head home to complete his homework. Thomas and Joe went into their kitchen. Thomas looked at Joe, who just grinned and said he was trying to remember what life was like at that age. Joe, like Thomas, knew that some things were confidential and not to be shared. Joe's conversation with Robert was one of those conversations.
The next morning, Joe put on a suit and Robert put on his clericals. They arrived at the hospital and went to the designated conference room where they sat by themselves. Finally, Ms. Exum, the social worker, came in and apologized. She said the doctor had delayed them because he was adamant that his approval was needed about who the foster parents would be for Clay. She said that doctors generally weren't so insistent, but that this doctor felt a special connection to the child.
The door opened, and the nurse, hospital social worker, and administrator walked in. They said the doctor would be with them immediately but that he needed a cup of coffee as he had spent most of the night in the ICU.
Dan opened the door and walked in. His cup of coffee slipped from his hand when he saw Thomas and Joe. He immediately dropped to his knees and was mopping up the mess with a bunch of napkins. The front of his scrubs had caught most of the coffee. He apologized about the mishap and that he would clean up later.
"Thomas and Joe, why are you here?"
Joe and Thomas had decided that Thomas would take the lead in speaking because Joe would generally become too emotional.
"We are the proposed foster parents."
Dan smiled and said the meeting was finished.
"What do you mean, Dr. Lillie? We haven't even started."
Dan looked at the hospital administrator and said that if Joe and Thomas were the foster parents, then he approved of everything. After the haranguing that Dan had given them earlier that morning, none of the hospital participants could have anticipated such an outcome. Dan then asked that Joe and Thomas give him fifteen minutes to shower and change clothes because he wanted to take them to see Clay. Ms. Exum told the doctor to take his time while she talked about some of the challenges with the case. The administrator wanted to know how they knew Dr. Lillie. Thomas was purposefully vague in his response but mentioned his role as faculty in the Divinity School, and that Dr. Lillie sang in the Chapel Choir. Thomas also mentioned his faculty position at the UNC Medical School. He knew that the medical schools and hospitals collaborated, but were also competitors.
Dan returned thirty minutes later, dressed in chinos and a button-down shirt. He had showered and shaved. Dan was warm and gracious with the two men, but very formal with the others in the room. He made sure the hospital staff understood he was the doctor, and that Clay was under his care.
Thomas and Joe walked with Dan to the Pediatric ICU.
"I am keeping him in the ICU because he is still medically fragile, and I want to ensure he is watched very closely. In two days, he will have surgery on his arm. I have concerns about the anesthesia because of the head injury, but the orthopedic doctor has assured me that everything will be fine. I will also be in that surgery. I do not have certification in orthopedics, but I am certified in anesthesiology. I will monitor everything. No child should have to suffer this way."
They walked into the room, and Dan said hello to Clay. Dan introduced the men. Clay looked at Thomas and Joe. He actually couldn't stop looking at Joe. A smile slowly crept across his face. Dan asked Clay some questions, but the boy didn't respond. Dan told Clay that he knew he could hear him, and it was vital for him to talk. Clay didn't say a word.
Joe asked if he could sit with Clay for a few minutes while Dan and Thomas went for a cup of coffee. When they were alone, Joe softly talked to Clay and told him about him and Thomas and that they had a son named Sean. He asked Clay questions, but the boy didn't answer. Joe continued to talk to Clay quietly. A nurse came in and said she had to take Sean's temperature and that they were doing it rectally since Clay wouldn't open his mouth for the thermometer. As she was turning Clay on his side, Clay let out a moan of discomfort. Joe asked the nurse if she could give them a few minutes. She said that she was swamped with other patients but would make an exception this time.
After she left, Joe asked Clay to point to where he hurt. Clay pointed, and Joe tried not to flinch. From his experience, he knew the boy had been sexually abused at some point in time or on multiple occasions.
Joe employed his best Scottish accent, which had a lilt that Southern American English did not.
"My darling boy, can I make a deal with you? When the nurse comes back, I will tell her that we both need our temperatures taken by mouth. I don't like things stuck up my butt either. I will let her take my temperature if you let her take yours also. Do we have a deal, my boy?"
Clay grinned and nodded. Joe reached out, and they fist-bumped.
When the nurse returned, Joe used his learned coercion skills and told the nurse they both needed their temperatures taken and that he was going first. Clay watched how the nurse held the thermometer in Joe's mouth. The nurse smiled and told Joe his temperature. Joe asked if he could put the thermometer in Clay's mouth. The nurse agreed, and Clay opened his mouth. Clay cooperated, and the nurse went on her way.
"Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
"It was okay because you helped me."
Joe acted like the verbal response was expected and then continued his conversation with Clay.
When Dan and Thomas returned, they stood in the hallway and listened to Joe and Clay talking. Dan whispered that those were the first words that Clay had spoken since arriving at the hospital. Some of the nurses were concerned that he was mute.
Dan walked into the room to see Joe's hand supporting Clay's arm, where the surgery was to be performed. Clay was talking with Joe about the operation and how afraid he was.
"Would it make you feel better if I stayed with you until you had your surgery?" Clay said yes and tried to crawl off the bed and into Joe's arms.
The nurse who had taken the temperature came in and said that visiting time was over. Joe looked at her and said he was staying overnight. Her mouth flew open, but she couldn't get words out.
Thomas smiled and said he was going home to bake some gingerbread cookies.