I Dreamed A Dream
Fall 2019
Mark went to bed that night but could not fall asleep. He kept pondering the person of Dan. How was it that he found Dan so attractive? Was there a sexual attraction? Mark had never thought of himself as gay. Sure, he had messed around in Boy Scouts and had done the typical circle jerk with his friends. Mark had enjoyed showing off at the pool to both males and females when he was in high school and college. He did the natural thing and compared his junk to other guys. Mark knew that he and Linda had been sexual beasts with each other and that she brought out a side of him that he didn't know existed. He liked the edginess of their exploits.
Mark decided he was just horny. He and his right hand had been best friends ever since Linda died. Mark realized that he had an unmet high sexual need, though his nightly routine had provided a level of relief. He had not dated because he had his children to look after. He wasn't willing to share them with anyone else. They were all he had. He had forced himself and them to live in this ongoing time of mourning. He hadn't thought of it that way until the past few weeks. He didn't want to acknowledge that being fired was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. It had brought him up short at that moment, but now he realized how stifled he had been. His life had become a shrine to the memory of Linda, and he had not moved on. He was now excited about what life had to offer. He understood that his life was more than just being a good father to his two children. He deserved to be happy - this was a new thought to him. He had been so focused on the children that he hadn't considered his own happiness. Now he knew that he could do both.
Dan made him smile. He felt comfortable with the handsome man. The electricity, when they touched, was something undeniable. Mark considered the idea that he might be gay and did not entirely dismiss it because Linda had shown him how limited his perspective was about the gifts of sexuality. Perhaps he was gay. Perhaps he wasn't. If anything, the sexual exploration with Linda proved that he was open to different expressions of his body's need for attention and affection. Could he do it with a man? This attraction was not something he had considered. Would he even be able to get it up?
Mark pushed the sheet down his torso and then below his pelvis. He reached down and stroked himself. In the past, he would always think of Linda and their sexual cavorting, which would bring him to orgasm. That night he thought of Dan. He could only imagine what the man looked like under his clothes. He knew Dan was lean and fit. Dan's tee shirt rode up on his taut stomach that day, and Mark saw the treasure trail of dark hair disappearing into his jeans. Dan had talked at lunchtime about keeping healthy and fit. He said he only ate small portions and that everything in America was supersized. When Dan said that, Mark looked at his plate piled with food, and decided that he too should eat smaller portions. He was getting older, and his body needed more exercise to stay in shape. Mark lay in his bed making promises to himself about his eating and exercise habits while pleasuring himself. He made the promise to himself, hoping that it would please Dan.
Mark wondered about Dan's cock and how big it was. At first, Mark thought it didn't really matter, but then again, he felt that maybe it did. Mark wanted to know. Was it cuddled in the nest of pubic hair or was it pendulous and hanging down? Was Dan hairy down below? Was Dan's ass smooth or hairy? When he realized he was sexualizing Dan, Mark got even harder. He remembered Dan kissing his neck while they were in the hammock and felt his body jerk. He imagined he and Dan being naked in the hammock with Dan's manhood wedged into his trench. Mark caught his breath. For the first time in years, he thought about the strap-on that Linda purchased and how much he had enjoyed the sexual play and her dominance over him.
Mark realized he was bucking his hips, thinking about Dan taking him. He was moaning Dan's name when he exploded. His hips dropped to the mattress, as he tried to regulate his breathing. Mark's right hand was covered in his seed; he brought his hand to his mouth and started licking it clean and immediately boned up again. Mark chuckled and realized that his sexual spirit was reawakening in a way that had been dormant since Linda's illness.
After producing a second copious offering, Mark drifted off to sleep. He was in a deep sleep when the alarm clock sounded. When he awoke, he had a smile on his face. He paid attention to that fact. His first thought of the day was that he was happy. Being happy and cheerful was a new feeling. He would need to get himself and the kids ready for church. He went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. He desperately needed coffee to help himself awaken and focus. He put out cereal bowls, milk, and fruit and then went to awaken the kids. The sleep had restored their spirits, and they were excited about going to church again. Mark realized that he had not made arrangements for Joe to take them. Just at that moment, the telephone rang, and it was Thomas saying that he and Joe would take the kids to Duke Chapel with them. Thomas was adjunct faculty at the Divinity School and put in appearances at Sunday services now and again. Mark was relieved and promised himself that he would make better arrangements for the next week.
He dressed, kissed his kids, and was out the door. He drove like a mad-man to the Chapel, wanting to talk with Dan before rehearsal. He walked into the nave and saw the other choir members getting organized, but there was no Dan. Mark was distracted throughout the rehearsal while waiting for Dan to appear. When the choir members were climbing the circular stairs from the undercroft into the church to begin the service, there was still no Dan. Mark realized he was deeply disappointed not to see him.
Belinda was waving at Mark as he processed up the aisle. He smiled and winked at her. Mark sang well, but there was no glee in his voice or spirit. He chuckled as he remembered being in the High School Glee Club. He knew he was not happy because there was no Dan. The service went as expected, and the choir performed up to their usual standard. Mark then saw him as they were recessing. Dan was sitting with Thomas, Joe, and the kids. He looked exhausted and still had on scrubs. Mark immediately felt better when he saw Dan. Belinda stepped out from her seat and took the hand of the guest preacher for the day. Belinda told her it was alright because she was there to bless people as they left. The preacher was dumbfounded but thought maybe this was the way things happened at Duke Chapel. Members of the choir chuckled when they saw Belinda telling the preacher where the two of them were supposed to stand. Mark walked up the side aisle until he got to the row where his crew was sitting. He looked in Dan's eyes and saw sadness, so he instinctively reached out and hugged him. Dan melted into his arms and would not let go. Dan's arms were around Mark's neck, and his head was on Mark's shoulder. The doctor had found a place of solace.
Thomas was standing in the aisle, talking with the Dean. He introduced Joe and Robert. The Dean smiled and was asking Thomas how he was connected to the family when the light of recognition came on in the Dean's eyes.
"So, are you the Uncle Thomas that Belinda was talking about last Sunday?"
Thomas smiled and said he was one and the same.
"She is a special child of God. Already the people here love her."
"Joe and I have become grandparents to Robert and Belinda. Mark is like our son. They have just moved into a house on our property."
The Dean smiled, nodded his head, and walked down the aisle.
Dan was still holding on to Mark.
"Are you okay, Dan?"
"No. It was a horrible night in the Emergency Department. I didn't get to sing in the choir this morning." Dan gave a shy smile. "And I missed you." Dan's stomach growled. Everyone laughed.
"I missed breakfast, also."
"Well, let's get you fed. Where would you like to go?"
Dan said that he needed to check in with a patient and wondered if it was okay to eat in the hospital cafeteria. Mark said it was an excellent choice and then turned to Joe and Thomas.
"We'll take the kids home to get something to eat. That way, the two of you have time together." Joe smiled, thinking he had said the right thing.
Dan's reaction was immediate. "Please, can we all eat together? I feel like I am with family when we are together. I need family today."
"Of course, lunch is on me. Let's me get Belinda; then we can leave." Mark was squeezing Dan's hand as he headed to the narthex, where Belinda was holding forth. She smiled when she saw her daddy approaching. She excused herself and thanked the preacher for a good sermon.
They parked across from the main hospital, and Dan led them through the corridors to the cafeteria. When they went through the line, Dan helped Belinda choose what she wanted, while Mark helped Robert. Both kids had eyes bigger than their stomachs and wanted one of everything. It took a lot of persuading for the kids to select a reasonable amount of food. Dan also had a tray that he was using to put food for himself and Mark. Mark noticed they were all small size portions. They chose a table, and the men helped the children get organized to eat. Dan sat beside Mark and handed him a fork. Mark was confused.
"Which food is yours and which is mine?"
"Eat what you want. Is it okay if we both eat from the same dishes of food?" Mark nodded his head while looking at Dan. Mark thought there was only enough food on the tray for one person, but he remembered his promise from the night before about reducing his eating. Now was as good a time as any to make that happen.
Thomas said the grace, and Mark chose a bite of scalloped potatoes. Dan then followed and ate the same. That was their pattern throughout the meal. It was slow, thoughtful eating with lots of smiles on everyone's face. Belinda was regaling them with her stories of blessing everyone as they left.
Dan looked at her in amazement. "Belinda, the Dean said you are a special child."
Belinda looked accusingly at Mark. "Did you tell the Dean about me?"
Dan was confused.
Mark was flustered, "No, Belinda. He meant that you are a wonderful, spirit-filled child of God."
"I didn't know if you told him how God made a mistake, and that we are trying to fix it."
Thomas looked at Belinda. "God never makes mistakes, my darling child. You are who God wanted to make, which makes you special."
"Well, God gave me a penis, and that was a mistake. Robert told me that my penis would be bigger than his. He said I would have a whopper when I grow up."
They all turned when they heard a plate crashing to the floor. A middle-aged couple was getting themselves organized at the next table, and Belinda's comments had startled the woman who dropped her plate. The woman couldn't believe what she had just heard while staring at Belinda, who was wearing her pretty pink dress. A waiter came over and helped to clean up the mess while the couple moved to another table. Mark suggested that the conversation could continue later. Robert was snickering, and Belinda was still processing what the Dean meant by his comments.
Joe rolled his eyes. "Out of the mouths of babies."
"Who is a baby, Uncle Joe?"
"Not you, darling. You are a fierce girl."
"I don't know what that means."
"It means that you speak truth."
"Well, daddy would spank me if I told a fib. I don't like getting spanked, so I try to tell him the truth even when it is not easy. I know that he will love me more if I tell him the truth."
Mark was starting to choke up, so Dan gently reached under the table and put his hand on Mark's thigh. The touch calmed Mark. He looked at Dan and knew that they would need to discuss Belinda.
"I need to disappear for a few minutes to check on a patient. Will you be here when I get back? The answer better be yes."
Mark laughed and said he would be there. Joe said they would take the kids home and get them down for an afternoon nap.
"I want to nap in the hammock. Can we, Uncle Joe?"
"Certainly, Robert. Maybe I will join you."
"Well, Uncle Thomas and I will lie down inside away from the bugs. We don't like bugs, do we, Uncle Thomas?"
"No, we don't, missy. No bugs on me."
Robert and Belinda giggled as they got up from the table. Dan leaned over to kiss Mark on the cheek. Joe and Thomas gave Mark a significant look, which made him blush.
Mark told Dan that he would get a cup of coffee and sit in the lobby until they were ready to leave.
Everyone scattered. Instead of coffee, Mark decided to get a large sweet tea to sip. The lobby was a fascinating place to people watch. He was startled when he saw his sister, Faith, rush in and go to the information desk. He almost went over to speak to her but decided he didn't want to invite a difficult conversation. She ran down a hallway when she got the information she requested. A few minutes later, Mark saw his parents walk into the lobby. His mother was greatly distressed. Again, Mark decided that whatever was happening, they had not bothered to call him so he would let it go. Mark backed a little further into his seat behind a large philodendron. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there with his heart racing when he felt a man walk up behind him and put hands on his shoulders. Mark abruptly turned around and looked in Dan's face.
"What is wrong? You look like you have seen a ghost."
"I have. Are you ready? Can we get out of here?"
Dan knew that they needed to leave immediately. They walked to Mark's truck, and finally, Mark started to breathe easier.
"Do I need to take your blood pressure right now? My guess is it would be very, very high."
"No, I am feeling better. Do you have to go back to the hospital today?"
"I would like to check on a patient this evening."
Mark started the truck, drove over to I-85, and headed north until they reached Falls Lake. Mark took the exit from the Interstate and drove down a country road and then turned onto a dirt path that ended when they reached the lake. Mark got out of the truck, pulled a blanket from the back floorboard, and headed to the shore. Dan followed. A large loblolly pine tree was about ten feet from the shore, and Mark spread out the blanket in front of it. He then leaned against the tree and patted the space between his legs. Dan sat down and leaned back into Mark's arms.
"I need to tell you a few things, and I came here so we wouldn't be interrupted." Dan got up to turn around and looked at Mark.
"Dan, I might not be able to tell you everything if you are looking at me. Please trust me that this is best." Dan settled back down with his head lying on Mark's shoulder. Mark then proceeded to tell Dan about Army/Belinda. Dan would start to ask a question and Mark would gently put his finger on Dan's lips to quieten him.
"After I finish. Then you can ask all of the questions you want. I have more to tell you."
Dan settled and then Mark told him about Linda. He said that he fell in love with Linda, the person, not Linda, the female. When Mark was talking about Linda's illness, Dan squeezed Mark's hands and then lifted and kissed them.
"Now, about me. I am not gay. I just don't see myself that way. I think maybe I am bisexual. I don't know. I was Linda-sexual for sure. Even if she had a penis, I would have loved her. I am only able to be here today because of what she showed me and taught me. She freed me from the restraints of normalcy, whatever the hell that is. I think maybe I am Dan-sexual. I don't know. It is all too confusing for me. I think maybe I am willing to try."
"There is something you need to know: my life is an absolute mess right now. I warn you it is not pretty or easy. Without Joe and Thomas, I would probably be living in a run-down trailer on Rt. 86. They saved the kids and me. I will always choose my children first - over what is good for me or anyone else. That is an artifact of what happened with Linda. She was the love of my life, and now all of that love has been transferred to Robert and Belinda. Bar none. I am a broken man and am just starting to put myself back together again. I mean, it has been within the last month I have started trying to figure out my life. Everything could easily fracture and fall apart again. It is not fair for you to have to deal with that. I am finally starting to rediscover who I am and what I can be in life. You need to know that if we date."
They sat in silence.
"Am I allowed to talk yet?"
Mark laughed and said that he was.
"You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. I don't mean physically beautiful though you are so very good looking. In Paris, with the right clothes, the right haircut, and the right attitude, you would be on the catwalks for different designers. You are that good looking. But it is your beautiful soul that has captured me. You are a good man, and I admire how you are raising your children. I never suspected that Belinda was physically a male. How is it that you are so willing to let her be herself? American men are not like that. She is a special child who speaks her mind, which will probably cause untold problems for her, Robert, and you, in the future. I guess that you will be in front of the picket lines fighting for your children. I would be proud to stand there with you." Dan felt Mark squeeze him and kiss his neck.
"Now, to the important stuff." Dan laughed. "Sex." Dan's eyes twinkled when he said the word to Mark. He could feel Mark tense when he heard the word. "We can work it out. I am gay. I am unapologetically gay, and I am a doctor who happens to be gay. I took care of a little boy last night whose head had been stomped on by his stepfather because the boy was playing with a doll. The gay doctor would be calling a press conference to tell the world of the atrocity and to demand action. The doctor who is gay is doing everything he can to restore this little boy to health. That is what I do. The fact that the boy was playing with a doll doesn't make him gay or straight. It means he is exploring life. I want to show the family and my co- workers that even amid such horrific experiences, the doctor in me is primary."
Mark could feel Dan crying and hugged him tighter. Dan controlled his sniffles and laughed.
"I rarely get this emotional, but when I see a child who has been abused, it rips the very fiber of my being. That I could even tell you that, and receive support is amazing. Some of the staff said the stepfather should have just spanked him for being a sissy. They thought that was okay. I had to calm down after overhearing that conversation. I waited until the end of the shift and met with them and told them that I was reporting all of them to administration. They were shocked. That is where the gay doctor comes in. They believe it is okay to spank a child they thought might be gay. I will fight that with every bit of energy I have. I do not want to work with ignorant caregivers."
"I want to share time with you and your children. I want to see if there is a place for me in your life. I cannot abide a secret affair where we meet on Wednesday nights after choir rehearsal and rent a hotel room where we have frenzied sex, and then we go our separate ways. I have more pride in who I am than to do that. I think you are like me in that regard or I wouldn't be interested in you. I want to know more about you. I am utterly infatuated and want to see if it can grow into love."
"Mark, can I ask you out for a date?"
Mark murmured agreement.
"Good, I am asking you out for Friday night. You will need to drive unless we ride on my bicycle." Dan laughed.
Mark then slid his body down from the tree and wrapped Dan in his arms. They had their first kiss. When they came up for air, Mark realized that he loved kissing Dan. They leaned in for another kiss while rubbing their pelvises together. They could each feel the penis of the other, which drove them to a further desire for release. Dan was the first to reach orgasm, and he tried to catch his breath. His body was sensitive to touch, and while he needed Mark's closeness, he also needed to lie back and breathe. Dan reached over and stroked Mark's protuberance through his pants. Mark's hips lifted from the blanket as he filled his briefs with a load of semen. They fell into each other's arms, held on, and then they started kissing again. There was a dreaminess about their kissing. They were both grinning at each other as they gave petite kisses. Neither was in a hurry to leave. Finally, Dan pulled back the string of his scrubs and looked at his crotch.
"There is a mess down there. I don't think I have shot that much ever in my life."
Mark looked at Dan's beautiful penis lying across his abdomen. He took a finger and scooped up some of Dan's semen and put it in his mouth. He smiled and said it tasted good. Mark then undid his belt and unzipped his pants. Dan immediately pulled back the briefs to get a look at Mark's penis. He gave a whistle saying he knew where the children got their big cocks. Mark gave a knowing chuckle. Dan then took his fingers and scooped up Mark's seed and ate it.
Mark hobbled over to the truck and found the rag he customarily used for cleaning his vehicle. He took it back to the blanket, and he and Dan cleaned themselves as best they could. Mark threw it in the back of the truck when they were leaving. "Ice cream. I need ice cream."
Dan gave Mark the fisheye as they drove to an ice cream/gelato store. Dan wanted gelato instead of ice cream and ordered a child's small size. Mark was about to order when Dan said they would share what he had ordered. Mark then asked for a large sweet tea. Dan asked if, instead, they could get a cup of water. At that moment, Mark would do anything the man asked, even if it meant he would be hungry.
The chocolate gelato came in a cup, and there was only one spoon. Dan fed Mark the first bite and told him to hold it in his mouth until it had melted. Then Dan had a scoop for himself. They sat and slowly ate the gelato. Mark had always shoved down ice cream, but now he had an appreciation for the subtly of the taste. He had something to learn from Dan about food.
A woman and her children sat at the next table, eating strawberry ice cream. The woman sniffed the air and commented that they were using bleach to clean the place. She said it was a good disinfectant, and probably whoever cleaned the space had put a lot of bleach into the water. Both Mark and Dan smirked.
It was late afternoon when Mark said he needed to go home. Dan asked if he could go home with him. Mark agreed and said they would ride into work together the next morning. They would sleep together and not have sex until after their date. Laughingly, Dan mentioned that he would sleep on the sofa if needed. Mark said he had enough self-control that he wouldn't be pouncing on him during the night. Dan smirked when Mark said that. Time would tell.