September 2019
Mark was very excited. He auditioned for the Duke Chapel Choir in September and accepted a position in the baritone section. Mark sang all through high school and college but stopped singing when he and Linda had started dating. There hadn't been time. Now that he was working at Duke, he was on the campus each day, and after all, he justified to himself, it was just one evening a week plus Sunday morning. He could manage the time because it felt so good when he was singing. Even after a tough two-hour rehearsal, he was smiling. Mark was trying to think of other things he did that fed his soul to such an extent. He couldn't think of any. Singing was pure, unadulterated pleasure.
On Saturday morning, when he and the kids were having breakfast with Thomas and Joe, Mark excitedly talked about singing. In truth, he was most excited about his new job and being back in school. He felt exhilarated about his life for the first time in years. He felt like this was heaven even though he was going through a hellish court battle with his family. He had support from Joe and Thomas and that meant everything to him. Then reality set it. He had two children who would need a baby sitter on Sunday morning.
Thomas and Joe smiled like indulgent proud parents the entire time Mark talked about his work and classes. They could feel his positive energy. He was practically bouncing off the walls. This was the first time they had seen him smiling so much. "But daddy, where are we going to be when you are singing?"
"I don't know, Belinda, I have to figure that out. Are you happy that daddy is singing?"
"Yes, you have a pretty voice. You look happy. I like it when you are happy." Mark made a puppy dog pouty face at Joe and Thomas as if he was a little boy.
"Can you take care of the kids tomorrow while I sing?"
Thomas spoke up and said he had to supply at a church the next day and wasn't available. He could have taken Robert and Belinda with him but he wanted Mark to do the work of figuring this out. It was too easy to just say yes. He and Joe weren't going to become the de-facto baby sitters.
Joe didn't have those reservations and said he would take the kids to the Chapel so they could hear their daddy sing. After the court hearing, he decided he had a new mission in life: he would protect Robert and Belinda the same way that he and Thomas had spent their lives protecting and nurturing Sean.
On Sunday morning, they were up early to get ready for church. Mark had to leave at 8:15 for the rehearsal to finish preparations for the 11 am service. Joe showed up at the Mill House at 9 am so he could help the kids get ready. Belinda was still in pajamas saying it was too early to get dressed. No amount of encouragement from Joe could convince Belinda otherwise.
"Uncle Joe, you can go back to the big house and then come back when it is time to leave for church. I promise not to get into trouble. I don't want to wrinkle my outfit. I need to look freshly pressed."
Joe shook his head and wondered about the precocity of the child. He reached an agreement with Robert that he would take care of Belinda until 10:15 when Joe would return. Joe tried not to act surprised when he pulled up to the Mill House. Belinda came out in the gown that she had chosen for her to wear in the Pride Parade. She had curled her hair and wore lots of bangles. There was a faint trace of lipstick that completed the look. After locking the Mill House, the kids got in the truck, and Joe headed to the west campus of Duke University. The campus was notorious for drivers getting lost and driving in circles. Mark had given Joe accurate directions to the parking lot behind the Chapel. Mark kept telling Joe to look for the towers on the Chapel to guide them.
Joe had a child on either side as he walked up to the doors of the Chapel. He hadn't been in the edifice before and was immediately impressed by its beauty. They were each given a bulletin for the service. Belinda blessed each person who spoke to her. She then told them that her uncle was a priest and he had taught her to say that in church. She charmed everyone she encountered. They sat toward the front of the chapel. All three twisted and turned in their seats while enjoying the beauty of the building. Joe thought it looked like a cathedral and not a chapel. It could hold, at least, 1,200 people.
The organ, high above the doors on the west wall, started playing. All three turned around at the sound of the organ. The pipes went all the way to the ceiling. Joe chuckled, thinking he and the kids looked like tourists with their mouths hanging open. They could feel the vibrations when the 32' organ pipes spoke. Belinda had a look of pure, unadulterated joy on her face the first time she felt the vibration. She then grinned and grabbed Joe's hand. Robert smiled at Joe and gave him two thumbs up. Joe loved the kids and was so glad he brought them to church. Their sense of wonder at the space filled Joe with happiness, and he remembered Sean sitting beside him in church and holding onto his arm or thigh when new things would happen during the service. Joe reflected on children and their willingness to live in wonder and joy.
The opening hymn started and Joe found the page in the hymnal. Belinda didn't need it. She knew the hymn and sang in full voice. Robert had opened his hymnal and was trying to read the lyrics while sort of mumbling the hymn. He wasn't a singer. Mark's eyes grew large as he processed up the aisle and saw his children. He found it hard to sing and grin at the same time. He thought he would need to talk with Belinda about her clothing choices. She was waving at her daddy, and he winked at her and kept pace with the other choristers. He didn't want to mess up on his first Sunday. When the choir sang, Belinda insisted on standing in her chair so she could try to see her daddy. She decided that the next Sunday, they would sit someplace else so they could better view the choir. Robert was trying to count all of the choir members and got lost somewhere about 75. He figured the number was close enough.
During the recessional, Mark walked by, and he received two thumbs up from Joe and Robert. Belinda blew him kisses. Members of the choir smiled as they saw the family of the new member being so excited about him singing with them. When the final clergyman walked by, Belinda jumped out of her seat and walked into the aisle where she took his hand. He was more than surprised. He looked down at the little girl who gave him a beatific smile.
Mark was horrified as the choir stood in the back singing the final verse of the hymn. Belinda was recessing while holding the hand of the Dean. As soon as the hymn finished, Mark made a mad dash to get his child. He found Belinda explaining to the pastor that her Uncle Thomas was a Pissypalian and he was preaching somewhere else that day.
"And my daddy is now singing in the choir. He has a good voice like me though I think mine is better."
The pastor was totally captivated by this child and smiled at Mark as he approached.
"Belinda, we need to leave him to his job. Come with Uncle Joe until I get changed." Belinda looked at Mark in wonderment.
"Daddy, I have to give blessings to everyone who came today. I will be here when you come back. Please let Uncle Joe know."
Mark and the Dean exchanged looks and reached agreement without saying a word. Belinda was already grabbing hands and telling people to have a blessed week. Mark found his way down the spiral staircase to the undercroft and then through a maze of rooms until he was in the choir area. People wanted to know about his beautiful children, especially his daughter. Someone wanted to know if she always dressed so beautifully when she came to church. Mark was trying to detect whether there was sarcasm in the question. He found none and said she wanted to dress up since it was his first Sunday singing with the choir. People were charmed. Choir members assumed that the children were either with their grandfather or that the handsome older man was Mark's partner. None of them knew him well enough to ask.
Mark wound his way through the hallways and stairs until he found himself back in the nave. He walked down the aisle and found Joe and the kids standing in the Narthex.
"Daddy, this place is so cool. I want to come back next Sunday."
"Well, we can't expect Uncle Joe to be available every Sunday, so let's see what I can work out. Poor planning on my part."
Just as they were about to exit the building, a choir member walked up to the group.
"Hi, I'm Dan. I wanted to introduce myself."
What was immediately noticeable was his accent. Mark thought he was eastern European but that was only a guess. Anyone who spoke with anything other than a North Carolina accent sounded foreign to Mark. Mark put his hand out to shake it, and when their fingers touched, an electric shock coursed through his body. Mark's eyes flew open and he was speechless.
Dan Lillie introduced himself to the others while Mark stood with a smile on his face. He kept looking at the man's handsome face and expressive golden eyes. Dan told Belinda that she was beautiful and that her dress was "the bomb." He dropped to his knees, so he was looking directly in her eyes. Belinda told him it was for the Pride Parade the following Saturday. Mark's cheeks colored that Belinda was disclosing that to a stranger. Dan stood and surveyed the group; conjectured that Mark liked older men and that Joe was his partner. He was disappointed because he found Mark so attractive. As Dan walked away, Mark watched him and wondered about his story. Mark decided he would arrive at rehearsal early on Wednesday and maybe they could talk. The man was intriguing.
On the following Saturday morning, Belinda was up at daybreak. She woke her daddy and told him they needed to eat breakfast so they could get ready for the parade. Mark chuckled and said they had lots of time.
"No, daddy. I have to get there early so I can get my instructions about being on the float."
Joe had a dually Ford 250 and decided they could all ride with him to the staging area on campus. Mark had gotten him a special pass for the day so that he could park anywhere on campus. Mark wasn't too sure about vandalism on the city streets.
It was a beautiful fall day. Durham held the parade in the fall when all of the students from the various colleges and universities were back on their campuses. The campus was in a full festival mode when they departed the truck and walked around looking for the float. Mark had been very clear with his children that they were to be with either him, Joe, or Thomas. He did not want them wandering off. Mark had agreed that he would walk behind the float to show support for the Royal Court. Joe and Thomas decided they would do the same. Thomas wore his vestments to show the world that some clergy supported the LGBT community. Joe wore a sandwich board that read, 'My Husband is a Priest,' and had an arrow pointing to Thomas, who marched beside him.
When they approached the float, there were cheers from everyone on the float. Mark picked up Belinda and helped her to her place on the front of the float. He was amazed at her comfort level being a part of the trans community, and that they had 'adopted' her. They all came up and kissed Belinda on her cheeks. One of the princesses of the Royal Court had made a cape for Belinda. She also had a crown and scepter. Belinda was beside herself with joy in pretending that she was the Queen of the parade.
"We'll take care of Belinda. Don't worry." The Queen of the Royal Court said to Mark. "You are an amazing dad. We all love you."
Robert had insisted that he was going to be his sister's escort and had on a suit. With a little help from Joe, Robert climbed on the float. All of the women made a fuss over him and had him laughing. Any trepidation he felt earlier quickly disappeared. Mark stood back and looked at his children. Both Joe and Thomas had their hands on his shoulders supporting him. Achieving this level of comfort was a big step for Mark.
At noon, they heard an air horn blow, and then a band started leading the parade through the streets of Durham. On the float, Belinda stood at the front with her arm through Robert's. There was a sign in front of Belinda declaring her 'Little Miss Gay Pride Durham.' Belinda had studied videos of Queen Elizabeth waving and she had adopted the same wave. She had tried to train Robert to do the same but he just didn't get it. He found that he just loved smiling and waving at people. He was having fun.
Behind the float, Joe and Thomas walked hand in hand with Mark walking beside them. Joe and Thomas got many shout-outs and praise. Mark was trying to decide how comfortable he was, and wondered if people from Hillsborough were along the route. He kept telling himself that he was in the parade to support his children. There were thousands of people along the route, cheering them on. Mark was waving to people on his left when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and found Dan walking beside him. Dan was smiling and said that Belinda and Robert looked incredible. Dan then reached down and grabbed Mark's hand. Mark's natural inclination was to pull back, but Dan was smiling at him, and it felt good to be holding hands with this handsome man.
Mark introduced Dan to Thomas. Joe was whispering in Thomas' ear. Thomas then started smiling even broader than he had earlier in the parade. A burst of cheers went up and Mark saw a group of kids waving and cheering Belinda and Robert. A woman that Mark recognized as Robert's teacher was standing at the side with a group of kids. She was holding hands with another woman as she called out Mark's name and waved at him. Dan held up their joined hands in recognition. When he was lowering them, he pulled the joined hands to his mouth and kissed Mark's. Mark's emotions were all over the map, and he couldn't decide how to feel about this. Sure, he had talked with Dan on Wednesday night and found him absolutely charming. When he shook Dan's hand that night, he was jolted again by a shock of electricity. Dan had only smiled when that happened and now Dan was walking beside him and holding his hand.
The parade route was a big loop and an hour later, they were back at their starting place. When the float stopped, everyone wanted to give Belinda kisses, and they hugged Robert and told him that he was the perfect escort. Both kids were overwhelmed with all of the love they received. Belinda curtsied as the Queen stepped down from her throne, she punched Robert in the side, and he bowed. People in the crowd did the same as the Queen stepped from the float.
Mark and Dan noticed that many people were coming up to talk with Belinda and Robert. Mark didn't understand the group of men dressed as nuns. Thomas laughed and told him about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Mark still didn't get it, but they looked like they might be a lot of fun. One nun was having a serious conversation with Belinda and kissed her on the cheek. Belinda gleamed and said they would be in touch. Mark was confused but decided that a bunch of men dressed as nuns were not the appropriate group for his young child to socialize with regularly. Hell, he was still processing the fact that Belinda was wearing a dress and crown and was riding in the gay pride parade. He wouldn't go near the idea that he, too, had not only marched in a gay pride parade but had enjoyed himself.
Mark stood in the crowd holding hands with Dan. He felt safer holding onto someone. Neither of them wanted to be the first to release the other's hand. Mark pulled Dan along as they strode to the float and lifted down the children. Dan dropped to his knees and told them that they were the best thing in the entire parade. Dan then went up to the float and took the sign for Belinda being 'Little Miss Gay Pride Durham.'
"This is for you, Belinda. I know there will be many more."
There was a general discussion about lunch choices until Joe said he had would grill out at home. Joe looked at Dan and said he was invited and that someone would bring him back later. Joe gave Mark a look, letting him know who that person would be. There was a discussion about seating arrangements in the truck. Dan asked if he could carry his bike and that he would ride it home later. Dan and Mark decided they would ride in the back of the truck. Joe reminded Mark that it was against the law but Mark and Dan smirked at each other and said they would lie in the truck bed and no one would know they were there. They arrived back home, and Mark and Dan jumped out of the back giggling like schoolboys who had gotten away with something. Mark convinced Belinda to change clothes so she didn't drop food on her gown. She reluctantly went inside and changed but refused to take off her crown.
The lunchtime conversation was about everything they had seen and experienced during the parade. They were all finishing their meals when Joe said he had homemade peach ice cream. Belinda climbed into Mark's lap to eat her dessert. The conversation continued and Mark looked down and saw she was asleep. Her bowl of ice cream was about to drop from her hands into Mark's lap. He grabbed it and sat it on the table.
"I am taking my princess home for a nap."
"I'm not a princess, I am 'Little Miss Gay Pride Durham,' her quiet voice muttered.
Everyone chuckled as Mark carried her across the lawn to the Mill House. Robert was leaning against Joe. It was a familiar sight to Thomas thinking of their son, Sean, who found solace leaning into Joe. Robert could barely keep his eyes open. Being an escort had taken all of his energy. He excused himself and said he was also going to take a nap. Mark heard him come into the house and helped him settle down.
Mark stood on the front stoop of the Mill House and wondered when Dan was leaving. Mark needed a nap also, but he was a good host, and would not do that while he had company. He walked across the lawn and saw Dan helping Thomas and Joe clean up the table. When they finished, Joe and Thomas said they were going to lie down. Dan and Mark stood just looking at each other.
"Well, I guess I will leave."
Mark looked at Dan and nodded his head.
"Well, it has been fun, but you probably want to be by yourself."
Mark just looked at Dan. They were trying to intuit what each other was thinking.
"The kids were great. You are such a tremendous father."
Mark looked at Dan and nodded his head again.
"I could use a nap before the long bicycle ride back to Durham. Thomas said I could nap in their hammock."
Dan reached and touched Mark's hand. The spark made Mark suddenly aware, yet again, of how handsome he thought Dan was. Dan pulled Mark to the hammock and they crawled in together. Nothing was said. When Thomas went outside late in the afternoon, he found Mark spooned in Dan's arms. The smaller man had wrapped himself around Mark. Dan had Mark's hands in his. A look of contentment was on both faces.
When Mark awoke, he was startled that they were spooning. He was even more startled that it was with another man. He collected his thoughts and decided that he would need to end this. Whatever it was, it needed to stop.
Dan awoke, leaned in, and kissed Mark's neck. He squeezed Mark and said they both had needed the nap. Mark tried not to flinch at the physical contact. They got out of the hammock as both needed to piss. Mark said he was going to check on the kids and that Dan could use the bathroom at Joe and Thomas' house. Mark could not get away fast enough. He found the kids fast asleep and realized they would probably sleep through until the next morning. It had been a hot day on that float and told himself he needed to remember to give them lots of extra fluid the next day.
He walked back to the big house. Thomas and Joe were talking with Dan. Mark overheard Dan saying that he needed to get back to Duke because he had a rotation at the Emergency Department that night.
"I am a neurosurgeon in France and am doing a fellowship at Duke. They have developed some new surgical procedures that are of interest to me. One weekend a month, I have to do an ER rotation. I am on from 8 tonight until 8 in the morning. I go from there to the Chapel, and then tomorrow afternoon I will crash until I see patients on Monday morning."
Mark couldn't believe what he was hearing: Dan was a neurosurgeon. They hadn't talked specifics about work. Dan alluded to some type of fellowship at Duke, but Mark didn't fully understand what he had been referencing. Dan walked over to Mark and hugged him. Dan could tell that something was bothering Mark but didn't pursue it. Dan could be fearless and he realized that he had probably pushed Mark too far that day. He didn't know Mark's full story but thought that Mark was probably fighting the closet. Dan hoped for a romance while he was in the states but maybe that wasn't possible. Mark stood as the bicycle was pedaled down the street. He then turned to look at Joe and Thomas, thanked them for their support, and said he needed to head home. Mark looked one last time at Dan and waved as the bicycle disappeared down the street. The older fellows could tell that their young friend was in a muddle, and they wisely chose to leave Mark to his own thoughts.
Thanks for reading. Remember to contribute to nifty.org.
Mac