First of all, please excuse me for keeping you waiting so long. It's been a difficult time. But here I am and here I have more twisted things for you. I know, that this time things won't fit into the picture, yet! But wait and see! I'm working on chap 11.
Thanks to Loren for editing. I guess I will never learn to speak this language properly... ;-) Good, that I don't live in a country where I would have to speak it every day. Or too bad... :-)
Anyway, feedback is appreciated and welcome, as always! Looking forward to hearing from you! And of course, the usual disclaimer blab la bla, la misma historia!
Marcos tulindobebito@yahoo.es ***********************************************************************
Discovering Love 10
A Single Red Rose
By Marcos Rojas
"The greatest love of all is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all inside of me, "The greatest love of all is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all." Whitney Houston
From Chapter 9:
Resting his head on Jed's chest Raul was busy saving all these emotions and feeling in the safest parts of his memory meanwhile Jed's thoughts were drifting to a far place, a cold graveyard, a cold stone, the symbol of the existence of one human being. "Thank you, Mom! Thank you, for giving me all his love. I know now that you wanted it to be like this. Thank you for his love. Please take care of him. He is all I have left. I can't loose him too..."
A sleeping Raul moved closer to Jed. Saying something unintelligible, he wrapped his arms around Jed's neck.
"Dream with angels my only love. I'll never let you go again..."
Chapter 10:
"Good morning Silvia!"
"Good morning Sir!"
"Thanks!"
Words were totally unnecessary, one look was enough to know how things were going. Silvia, Eva, Maria, Gabriella etc, were only pretty faces, always, with those eternal facial expressions.
The corridors were as white as always, only this time there was an orgy of different shades of red and orange in front of the windows. The evening sun made his last efforts to make this place look more human. The monotony of the sound of the air conditioning was getting unbearable. Only two more doors to go.
There it is, number 218.
As cautiously as possible, he opened the door and stepped inside. Everything in the room was the same. The nondescript walls, generic machines bleeping away and the cage of a bed in the middle hadn't changed. On the bed a thin white cover shrouded the fragile shape of a little body.
If it wasn't for the dark hair, one couldn't have told the age of the person.
He stepped closer to the bed and touched the boy's hand. As tears started running down his cheeks he had to turn away. He made two steps to the door but glanced down guiltily at the single red rose he was carrying then stopped. One amber ray was fighting to enter the room from behind the heavy curtain. He placed the flower gently on the table, went over to the window and slowly opened the curtains. A sea of orange and red rays splashed the room, painting the walls, the machines and the little body.
"It's a beautiful day! You would love it!" He stepped to the bed, sat down and took an unresponsive hand between his own.
"It's just like on that evening in the backyard. Do you remember? As you walked up behind me..." he had to pause as his voice started to tremble. "We watched the sun go down together, over the horizon. That was where I first saw your beauty. That was where I fell in love with you! Your eyes were sparkling in the evening light and you had that expression of uncertainty. We never talked, you just touched me. You just touched my hand and touched my soul. `Whenever you need me I'm here for you...' you said. And then you left. God, how much I wished to ask you not to leave! I wish I could turn back the time. We could be there again and this time I would not let go of your hand! I'd tell you how much I love you and I wouldn't waste a second, I would spend two years with you. With no one else but you..."
Retrieving the lonesome rose from the table he went on, "You remember the first breakfast you made me? And that rose? And your little note? Seems like it was yesterday! God, I loved you so much! I wanted you, desired you! You were my all, my everything!" Playing with the rose he looked out of the window at the waves on the sea, a ship far out on the edge of the horizon and a couple of seagulls flying along the cliffs. Further down the wide sandy beach. He focused on a couple holding hands whilst swinging their shoes in their free ones as they walked along the surf. Bubbly red waves surrounded them periodically and each time she got a firmer grip of his hands, he could tell that by the movements she made. A bigger wave wet them. They were laughing hard as he threw their shoes away and took her into his arms. They kissed and time seemed to stop.
He looked down and played with the boy's thumb. The shape of his nails was different. Involuntarily he smiled.
Nothing ever remains the same.
It's strange how the lives of people we love can go on without us. Even though we partake in and know every detail of their lives, know every move they make, the meaning of every sigh and can understand their world from a single look they give us; still, their life can go on without us. The sound of their quiet breathing and warmth of their skin when they are sleeping remains the same. It's just us, who can't touch their body, can't feel the heat of their breath on our chest, can't squeeze their hand and miss the first sleepy look on their face in the morning. We have no power to change a single thing. Their lives go on just like ours. We may not be miles apart yet we're forced to be bystanders of their lives.
"It's our anniversary, you know? Two years since we touched... Funny... The sun then was as it is now. Everything was like it is now, except for the two of us. I've brought you a rose. Remember? We always brought each other roses. This one is from the garden. I had to jump over the fence and break in to get this for you?" He started tearing up again. With shaking voice he went on "Your window was open, and there was music. Children, I suppose, or teens, I couldn't tell. The garden's different now. It looks so bad - they probably don't take much care of it. They have also built a wall in front our beautiful panorama. I guess it was kind of dangerous. And the trees got too big in front of it, so you'll need a lot of work to rearrange it. "
He mused for a while... "There is no room for a wedding... At least not in it's present condition. You know, it was my dream to get married there. I wanted us to get married in that garden. You loved that house so much. Do you remember the weekend we officially got together? You were so Latin that night. You gave me the very fire of your essence and loved me with body and soul. We truly became one. Sometimes I wonder if we would need a wedding at all? You gave me in one night more love and passion than others can give in ten years of marriage. You always knew how to find the right mixture of love, trust and ecstasy. You were a real lover. And you were mine and only mine. Still there are times when I play with the thought..."
He let go of his hand, took off his jacket, tie, and shoes and lay down on the huge bed. He then gently took the boy in his arms and laid him of top of his own body. The feeling was not the same but adjusting the bed a little bit, he still could hold his boy in his arms.
"I still play with the dream and wonder how it would have been to stand in front of an altar with you. Do you remember our first shopping trip? You were so handsome. And so shy! I can still recall the evening wind and the drive downtown. You had to watch the road and I enjoyed every minute of being able to check out all the details of your body. You would've made one hell of a bridegroom. Did you know I wrote you a little text? I was always laughing when people were using these books with quotes from famous people, the best love poems and songs, you know, stuff like that! I used to say they were such idiots, and that when the time comes I'll be able to write my own text. Well guess what angel? I couldn't. No line was good enough and no words could express my feelings. I wanted that text to be the most beautiful thing someone ever said to you.
"I was such an idiot.
"If only I knew what was about to happen. You can try as hard as you want to put beautiful thoughts together but the essence remains the same: I love you.
"I didn't tell that to you very often, angel, but I did love you very much. You were my life. And you still are my life, although in a different way. You are a part of me. You're the deepest feeling I have ever experienced, and there will be no person who could possibly take that away from me."
His eyes started to fill up again. "But we can't go on like this. I cannot keep you here any more! It is not fair, and I can't be so selfish. It breaks my heart, but there is no other option. I can't torture your body any more! My angelito, this isn't you any more! I love you Raul, with all my heart, but I can't do this to you, I can't do this to us! It is too much. Everyday I am visiting a body, not a person. You are not the Raul I loved, and you are not the Raul you once were. Only a shell of you remains, an agony of a body, and I know you couldn't possibly want to live like this. I had to make this decision. It hurts like hell, but there is no other option..."
Jed hugged the little body, held him strong and cried for what seemed like hours. He breathed in the scent of Raul's skin and hair.
"I hate this life! I hate this world! I hate everything! I hate God for taking you away from me! I no longer believe in God! There is no God. He is supposed to be good and to help people. All he has ever done for me was to take away my family and the one who really loved me." He cried even harder.
"I know you always said not to hate anyone because all of the bad thoughts and hate you are feeling will come back to you, but I can't help it! It is too much! I cannot take this pain! It is too much!"
The sun was setting. The last rays were stroking Jed's and Raul's faces. As if in trance Jed got up, tenderly placing Raul back into the position he had been in for the last three months. He turned and wanted to leave. Again. But there was something more powerful. There was no power of his body that could have defeated the will of his soul. He turned around and collapsed next to the bed. He watched the little body breath. Raul's chest was barely moving, his face was pale, the red of his lips had lost their intensity. They weren't pressed together. Jed slowly moved closer to Raul and put his lips on the boy's, kissing him for the last time.
"Never forget that I loved you! I still love you, and I will always love you! There will be no place for another in my heart! I swear that to you! Forgive me my angel, forgive me for all the bad I have done to you and all the things I should have done for you!"
Placing the rose on Raul's chest, Jed stroke Raul's forehead. "You will live forever in my heart!"
The last rays of the Sun disappeared behind the endless waters of sea, and the silence came back. Raul's face looked so peaceful. A single teardrop was rolling down his left cheek... Or maybe... it was just the endless game of the light and shadow...
To be continued?
I had to cut it here! ;-) Even this chap was shorter this time... So what do you think? Should I go on?
Marcos tulindobebito@yahoo.es