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ryan93111@hotmail.com
Here we go :)
Sorry for the long wait, my life just got really busy and I had to get that sorted before I even attempted writing this :S again sorry for the wait even though, I know my writing isn't really worth the wait but still I hope you are all still enjoying the story, I don't really know where to go with this story anymore so suggestions would be great! Love you guys... and girls :)
Directors Cutt chap 6
"Sit, now, we need to talk" I began shaking as I walked into the kitchen and sat down across from my father, his face as hard as stone but his eyes burning with hate and something else I couldn't read, I swallowed hard not wanting to be here.....
"Actually I was just goi..."
"Sit!" this time I knew he was serious; I wasn't getting out of this one. My whole body was tense, but shaking with fear, fear of what my father will do. I had a good life why did I have to go and fuck it up, this wasn't supposed to happen, I was meant to stay in the closet until I left this place, then I was going to be me where no one can stop me or control my life. The chilling air in the room cut through my torso, I was still in my running gear and the heater wasn't even turned on, is he trying to kill me its freezing.
"Why? Tell me why son" he asked with his face still set in stone
"Why what? why I'm gay?"
"Yes why did you choose to be gay, I don't understand, it's disgusting"
"Dad you don't choose to be gay, why would I choose it if it was a choice. I am gay, yes, but I am still the same person, it's a part of me it doesn't define me" my voice was shaking with fear of what his reaction will be.
"Well the way I see it you choose it and you're a filthy little faggot, you turn your back against your family, what are other people going to think of us now. We can't even have kids properly; they grow up and then just decide they want to be a faggot, a queer, your disgusting, you and everyone like you"
"If I'm so disgusting and you hate me so fucking much then why didn't you tell mom as soon as you found out? Of course the only thing you would think of is how this will affect how people see you, you are pathetic!" my voice clearly showing my anger at that moment. How dare he call me disgusting, or a faggot or anything he called me, he has no right
"I didn't tell your mother because it would kill her, finding out her pride and joy is a little cock sucking faggot! Don't you dare assault me in my own home!"
"Dad don't call me a faggot, or anything else it's wrong and I don't deserve it, I have been the best son anyone has had, people would kill for a son like me, gay or straight"
"DON'T DESERVE IT! You deserve a lot worse my boy, you're lucky I haven't taken it upon myself to get rid of your pathetic existence on this planet, worthless people like you don't have a place on gods earth"
"Dad, what is wrong with you I'm still your son, I'm still the same kid"
"Don't call me dad, I AM NOT A FAGGOTS FATHER, I won't stand for it, and as for my son I don't have one!" the words spat out like venom, cutting through my hearts strings. I am dead to him, I am just another random stranger, what will happen now, will he let me live here still, will he bash the fuck out of me.
"Now listen to me boy, and you better listen fucking damn well" my dad F-ed at me he never does that if that is an indication, I'm screwed. "I'm not going to tell your mother, but not for your sake, for hers. I love her with everything I am and used to feel the same for you" his eyes shooting me with small daggers of hate. "You will continue to live here until you are old enough to live on your own, you will have no privileges unless you have payed for them, and under no circumstances will you ever acknowledge me, in any form, you break one of these you are gone, I don't care what happens to you, but your mother will always care about where you are at least, do you understand me?"
I sat with my face devoid of any emotions, I can't believe he cares about my mother that much, but have absolutely no emotions, no feelings for me. His own flesh and blood, his own child, so much for dads being there child's hero, I never had a tight relationship with my father but still children admire their strong, masculine fathers.
"You got that!" raising his voice slightly, the words thick with venom, seething with hate. I nodded my head, I couldn't do anything else, and I was disgusted that my father would react this way. His own flesh and blood and he just disowns me like that, he just waited for one mistake so he could get rid of me, of my pathetic life. Tears started forming in the corners of my eyes; I closed them to fight away the impending tears.
"The little faggot going to cry now?" he shot out with icy vindiction. I couldn't even stand to be near him anymore; I stood up from the table with my father laughing at me and ran straight to my room slamming the door down behind me. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but he just disowned me, he doesn't even care what happens to me now. the hidden tears finally came to the surface, falling down my soft face, leaving silver trails of sadness, burning there reflection into my skin forever. I will never get my father back, I will never get my old life back, and it's gone just disappeared and got replaced with this shit hole of a life. Somewhere during the night from hell, I finally fell into a fitful slumber, constantly throwing my body around like a rag doll, the venom of my father's words haunting my dreams, creating terrible nightmares of him laughing at me and shooting out the words FAGGOT! Ugh. The word is so disgusting, it is the one word that I will never erase from my mind. I am a faggot, a no good, worth nothing faggot. I am what I am, which is nothing, a faggot not even deserving of a life, but how I was doing well, I kept it hidden up until Jared I hadn't even kissed a guy, hadn't even kissed anyone with the same intensity, the same fire I felt when I kissed Jared. I can't be worthless, Jared must think something of me, or maybe I am just a joke, a way for him to get his kicks, string the poor, insecure boy along just to see how much I would give him. How much I would take only to be cut down, my heart ripped from my body, leaving a lifeless shell behind.
Next day at school
Homeroom was even worse this morning. I woke up and waited until I was sure my parents were gone then I threw on the closet pair of clothes and ran to school, I was still 5 minutes late but it was a hell of a lot better than seeing father. I checked my phone while I was sitting alone, thank god that hasn't been disconnected yet. I had three messages from Lauren 'where are you?' 'Get to school I have news' 'hurry up, jeez' nice to know she cares though. I haven't seen anyone not Lauren, not Jared no one. I sat there looking down trying to fight back the tears, the tears of pain, the tears of heartache, the tears of the lonely. I was fighting back to not care about my father, to not care that I shouldn't have Jared, fighting back my insecurities about my whole life. The bell rang and I moved lifeless outside of the class to the next period still choking back tears, my whole body beginning to shake with fear, with pain more than I was ready to accept. Normally I take everything with ease, keeping my head up but this time, I was crumbling, my many barriers surrounding me, keeping me safe were crumbling. I was walking out of the class when a strong hand wrapped around my shoulder, I didn't even acknowledge that I felt it
"Hey, have you seen Lauren, I kinda need to talk to her" Remy's voice was nervous. I just kept walking not even turning to look at him "Hey, hey Ryan, Ryan are you alright?" he used his hand on my shoulder to turn me to face him. At that moment the full intensity of my life hit me. I leaned over into his strong chest and just cried, everything just came to a screaming halt. I cried for everything I had lost, everything I had gained and was just snatched away from under my feet. Remy just put an arm around my shoulder, not really knowing what to do. His shirt was wet with my fallen tears. I felt another set of much smaller, more feminine hands then Lauren wrapped me in a warm embrace.
"Hey, baby its okay, its okay... shhh... I'm here" she cooed in my ear trying to calm me down from my crying and heaving. She slowly started to move me out to the front area of the school and sat me down on the bench, Remy following behind with my backpack.
"Thanks Remy, he really appreciates it" she said smiling and waving. H walked off and I just sat there, my face blank of all emotion "What happened Ryan?" she asked tearing up herself at my obviously distraught appearance. I turned my head and then the water started to pour down my faces, my eye stinging at the amount o had just cried out of them and was still coming.
Jared POV
Shit. I'm so worried for Ryan, my Ryan. I really am falling deep for this boy, I know it has only been a couple of days but he has captured my heart. The first boy, hell the first person to ever. I was so excited after our little time together in the bath yesterday and the kiss, OH MY FCUKING GOD! That kiss, it was amazing, perfect. The first time ever that I felt like a fire was burning deep inside me. I just wanted to hold him, caress him, and tell him all my secrets. I think I honestly love him, not love him with lust but actually love him, with everything I am. I couldn't sleep all night thinking about the kiss and MY boy Ryan, MY boyfriend. I don't want everyone to know, I'm joining the football team, and the stupid apes will probably hate me and attack me so I will have to tell Ryan to be careful with whom he tells. I got ready for school in record time hoping to catch Ryan on my way to school. But didn't have any luck so I drove to school alone without the warm presence of my baby. I walked into to school to immediately have Nikki in my face, rubbing my chest and slowly moving lower toward my beltline.
"Hey, baby how's my favorite hottie today?" she said rubbing along me Pecs
"I'm fine, you?" I answered flatly looking around for Ryan; she kept moving in front of my face, trying to get me to look straight at her
"Is there something wrong? Did I do something, or not do something" she said moving her hand to the front of my pants cupping my bulge. I took a step back so she couldn't touch me, it made me feel dirty anyone else other then Ryan touching me there, speaking of where is my little cutie, I haven't seen his gorgeous face all morning. Just the thought of him made me smile. The bell rang just as Nikki was coming back for another feel.
"Well there's the bell, gotta get to class" I said shifting on my feet trying to get away from this slut. God she is so annoying always trying to get my cock, Ugh... girls are annoying when you don't want anything to do with them.
"We have the same class, we can walk together" she said linking her arm through mine. Walking into homeroom I began to worry, why wasn't Ryan here did I scare him off after yesterday, was it too fast, god he makes me so nervous I just don't know what to do around him. Nikki sat down right next to me and moved the chair even closer so she was basically on my lap. Her right hand came up and started playing with my blond hair. Her other hand resting dangerously high on my strong thigh. "So I was thinking, wanna go to Remy's party with me on Friday night?" moving her hand closer, I instantly moved back in my seat and sat up trying to avoid her.
"Uhhh... Ahhh... maybe, yeah can I bring a friend?" I asked shaking my leg up and down, which only made her hand move higher ugh I gotta a stop this
"Ryan actually?" her hand stopped and she pulled it back away to mid thigh, the other hand slumped over my shoulder
"Why do you hang out with that little queer, can't so see he wants you and I don't want you to be raped or something, I mean your fucking hot and I can see him trying everything to get you in his bed" she said with a nasty scowl, and undertone that resembled death.
"Well I think he's cool, so is he invited or not?" I said smiling at the end, how dare she speak about my Ry.
"Fine, but don't come crying to me when you wake up with him around your hot, jock cock" I rolled my eyes at this bitch
"Whatever" the bell finally rang letting me escape this prison is horned up, teen skank. I was wandering around the school halls looking for Ryan, when I saw him leaning into Lauren at the front steps of the school, what the hell is wrong with him, is he crying? I walked through the doors and stood behind him, crouching and putting my hand on his cold shoulder.
"Ryan, babe what's wrong?"
Authors note: ohk so what is gonna happen I got no idea :S write me your suggestions, comments, feedback I LOVE IT!
Email me at:
ryan93111@hotmail.com
Peace out :P