Diplomacy and Lust Part Six
Nate ducked rapidly as a glass cup flew by his head and smashed loudly against the wall behind him. Anger surged through his body as he shot upright quickly and stared pointedly at Dave.
"Any more outbursts like that and we're done; completely done!" Nate said in an oddly calm but very terse voice.
Dave sat in the kitchen looking worse than he had when Dave had first seen him after the attack. Weeks had past and life had been anything but easy for Dave and Nate too.
Understandably, Dave wasn't the same as he had been. All the signs of PTSD were there. Nate knew it was going to be a long road ahead for Dave and for the both of them. Nate was eager to help but he began to see that maybe there wasn't much he could do for Dave. The angry outbursts were fraying Nate's last nerve and Nate worried about his own safety when Dave plummeted into the mood like the one he was in now.
The situation was anything but easy for the rest of the embassy community too. The community had lost a few of its employees Ð both Kenyan staff and a few Americans. Sadly, Dave's new friend that Nate had been so jealous of was one of the Americans that did not survive the attack. Nate secretly wondered whether the two were there having lunch together but he didn't dare raise the topic. Besides at this point, as petty and horrible as it sounded, it didn't matter what had been going on between the two.
The atmosphere was subdued, sad, and tenuous with a thick cloud of stress hanging over what was ordinarily a very happy environment at the embassy. There were all sorts of rumors flying around about the embassy shutting down or sending home family members. An embassy closing wasn't completely unheard of; the embassy in Yemen had been closed because of ongoing violence.
In the weeks since the attack, Al-Shabab had become emboldened and had continued its violence spree in the northern regions bordering Somalia. The group had recently splintered with a faction committing to ISIS. The recent major attack and follow on attacks fueled recruitment of the ISIS affiliated branch. All the intelligence and news reports said that fighters were pouring into Somalia to join the group and continue its reign of terror with the hopes of installing an Islamic caliphate in Eastern Africa. The atmosphere across the entire country seemed to be one bordering on panic.
Fortunately, Dave had survived the attack relatively unharmed; physically at least. At Nate's serious urging, Dave had agreed to take the counseling that was being offered to everyone after the attack. Guilt still surged through Nate that he hadn't been the one to experience such a traumatic event and that he had felt relief in not being there. Even worse, Nate felt horrible about the fact that he missed the intimacy that he and Dave had shared. Nate knew that Dave was in no fit state for the kind of fun that had been having before the attack but that didn't stop Nate's urges. He found his eyes wandering at the other handsome men in the embassy community and felt like the biggest piece of crap for it. Nate knew sex wouldn't solve everything but he felt like it would sure help in releasing all his pent up stress, confusion and anxiety.
I'm such a shmuck.' Nate thought to himself. Here Dave is going through absolute hell and I'm checking out other guys.'
"If you're so miserable, you can just leave! Get out!" Dave screamed angrily at Nate.
"I never said I'm miserable, we need to talk about how the hell we're going to get through all of this. I want to be here with you. Do you think I would have stuck around with the way you've been acting and treating me if I didn't truly give a shit about you?" Nate fired back.
"Yeah here we go. It's all about you, isn't it, Nate? You feel like you have to stick around for poor ole' Dave; broken, emotionally damaged Dave." Dave yelled seething with fury.
"If you aren't willing to talk, to actually try to figure out a way to move forward TOGETHER then maybe I should leave." Nate said quietly with a tone of defeat.
"Why don't you just go out and fuck some other embassy stud?" Dave shouted. "I see the way you've been looking around. I'm not blind. I'm not stupid. Aren't getting enough from me so you're on the prowl, eh?"
"No you're not stupid Dave. That's why I know you realize I can look all I want but I haven't touched. I'd rather be intimate with you but clearly that isn't going to happen. Lest I remind you that YOU were the one with a shady and as of yet un-discussed situation going on with Mark. Don't think I'm blind and didn't see what was happening with you two." Nate launched back, his own fury building.
"Don't you mention Mark. He's gone now." Dave said quietly.
"but maybe your feelings for him AREN'T gone now though." Nate spat venomously knowing in his mind that he was going to far.
An awkward silence encapsulated the room as Dave stared pointedly at Nate.
"Get the fuck out, Nate. You just get the fuck out. I can't believe after everything that has happened that you would say that; That you would take it there. Get the fuck out before I throw something at you and don't miss." Dave said in a surprisingly flat, unemotional tone.
Nate stormed out of the house; anger, hurt and confusion pulsating through his body.
`Fuck this shit. I need a drink.' Nate thought to himself.
Two whiskeys down and Nate wasn't feeling any better. Everything that had happened between him and Dave replayed in his mind on a continuous loop. He was at a complete loss on what he could say or do at this point to salvage his relationship with Dave. The two had never officially agreed that they were in a relationship but Nate knew that with everything going on there was no way he could not admit that he loved Dave.
`Who the fuck puts up with violent outbursts and a litany of hurtful diatribes if you don't love the person?' Nate thought to himself painfully downing another shot.
"Mind if I join you?" came a voice from behind Nate. He whirled around.
"Greg!" Nate burst out happily, "have a seat. I didn't expect to find you here at the Sankara roof top bar."
"I didn't expect to find myself here either but I need a damn drink; too much shit going on these days." Greg said flatly.
"Bartender a shot for my friend!" Nate yelled. "Here have this and tell me about your woes and I'll tell you mine!"
Greg launched into his own story about his troubles. A few more shots in he said, "Nate, can I tell you a secret? I need to get it off my chest or a may never get my life back together."
Nate, very liquored up stated, "Greg, you can tell me secret because I may honestly be too drunk and too damn depressed to remember it."
"Well, I lost someone in the attack. I haven't talked about it because no one would understand." Greg muttered quietly.
"Oh jeez, who did you lose? A friend from the embassy?" Nate inquired becoming genuinely concerned.
Greg looked around nervously. He shifted restlessly in his seat and took another large gulp of his drink.
"I wouldn't say just a friend. It was someone I was seeing for a very short time. To be honest, I'm not completely sure what it was." Greg stated getting red in the face and continuing to glance around nervously.
"Shit, was it Ashley? I know she didn't make it through the attack; beautiful girl. I'm so sorry Greg," Nate replied.
"No it wasn't Ashley though may she rest in peace." Greg replied.
"Well then who? Susan from ISC? Carol from FM?" Nate said looking confused.
"Someone you probably didn't know. He was new to the embassy. His name was Mark." Greg said looking absolutely nervous.
Nate almost spit out his drink.
"MARK!? YOUNG, MUSCLED AND GORGEOUS MARK!?" Nate practically yelled for the whole bar to hear.
Greg, aghast at Nate's reaction said quietly, "Yeah, that Mark. How do you know him?"
"I know him because I'm pretty sure he was trying to hook up with my boyfriend who may not actually be my boyfriend now Ð Dave." Nate stammered.
"Wait, you're gay?" Greg asked looking shocked.
"The better question is, you're gay?" Nate shot right back at him. "Wasn't your girl friend from the states visiting a few months ago?
Greg's face turned a very bright shade of red. "We're not together anymore. I was decent enough to end it once Mark showed up and I realized I had a bit of a problem."
"Shittttttttt." Nate said taking another huge gulp. "Well, slap my ass and call me sally. What the fuck is happening around here lately?
The two launched into a deep conversation about everything that had happened with Mark, from both of their perspectives. Nate recapped his issues with Dave and Greg talked about his fling with Mark and his sexual awakening.
"I'm not feeling too hot." Greg said, "I think I'm at my limit."
"You're probably right. It's getting late and I'm way beyond drunk." Nate replied.
"Are you going to be ok getting home? You have a taxi right?" Greg questioned.
"Yeahhhhhhhh, I'll call a taxi. DUI is the last thing I need." Nate stated.
"Let me walk you out and wait with you. You don't look like you should be waiting by yourself."
The taxi pulled up 15 minutes later. Nate spun around to thank Greg for being a good friend.
Greg reached out his hand and out of no where Nate thrust himself at Greg and kissed him.
Greg pushed away. "Nate, you're drunk and distraught about your situation with Dave. This is not a good idea."
"Greg, had I known you were gay earlier, well I guess you didn't even know, I would have hit on you sooner. You're a damn handsome guy." Nate slurred.
"Get in your taxi. You're drunk and you're ridiculous. You'd regret this in the morning." Greg reasoned. "Listen, I'll come over to your place tomorrow and check on you to make sure you're not dead or in bed with some stud."
"ahhhhh Greg, you're such a gentlemen." Nate slurred, "So handsome, so chivalrous Ð my knight in shining armor." Nate tipped back and forth looking like he was going to topple over.
"Allllllright that's enough of that," Greg said as he opened up the door and basically shoved Nate inside of it." Greg leaned over to the cab driver, told him Nate's address and handed him 3000 kenya shilling.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Nate," Greg said and the taxi began to speed off.
I did the responsible thing but Nate is hot! Greg thought. He's in a bad place now in his relationship and I'm just out of whatever I had with Mark. I made the right choice. He won't even remember he made a move on me tomorrow with as drunk as he was and as hung over as he'll be. Fuck, though, he's attractive. Guilt surged through Greg at the lustful thoughts he was having.
----- TO BE CONTINUED ---