This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!
(CA) Ben Hastings -- First love
(Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years)
Lucas diMarco -- my dad
Wendy diMarco -- my mom.
Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.
Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary
From Ch. 6:
When we came back, I went home and the reality set in. I went to sleep with images in my head of Ben and Johnnie spooning. I wondered how long they would hold out in their quest. I did it for over 6 months. Luckily I was tired enough that I fell asleep quickly.
Chapter 7
I held out for 6 months in my quest, but I was not sleeping in a room and privacy of an apartment -- with another gay guy. And as far as I know -- Johnnie has no such desires -- to hold out at all. That was MY suggestion. (How nice of me!)
I feel that he needs to get his head straight, and make a positive decision -- based on reality -- which is what I finally did. But everyone has to reach that in their own way and own time.
So -- where does that leave me? Well, not too bad, actually. I have the good feeling of doing something truly altruistic, and I was able to sleep well. But -- of course I still am alone - - so to speak. I don't like being alone. It's almost kind of strange -- like I can stand outside myself and look in with interest. That's it -- it's interesting!
I maybe think too much when I wake up! I should get up and get ready for work. But -
I can still feel an ache in my heart for Ben Hastings -- that's a given. I wonder if I will ever stop loving him. I don't think that's the way love works -- at least I hope that's so.
I am somewhat disappointed that Ben Fisk is pursuing his quest -- instead of me! I hope that I didn't cut it short for him by placing another gay guy in his reach -- I think. To me -- Johnnie is unsure of his whole identity right now -- let alone his sexuality. I hope that putting him with Ben has not further thrown him into chaos. But that was not my intention.
Gotta get up! I love my job -- I mean -- what's a better way to spend most days than -- riding a bike down Haleakala. But - - sometimes I don't feel like getting up in the middle of the night! Haha! Maybe today I will be guiding a group of gay tourists!
"Okay, wake up Tony -- time to stop dreaming!" Sometimes my subconscious is way too logical!
So I dragged myself to the bathroom and peed away my morning wood, shaved, combed my curly locks out of my face -- gotta get a haircut -- and brushed my teeth.
I ate some cold cereal and boiled 2 eggs to eat with some toast and jam.
I rinsed out my mouth again and grabbed a couple mints. So - - gotta get out there and guide that group of poofs down the hill!
I walked the 2 blocks to the office and picked up my van. I had to drive all the way out to Ka'anapali for several pickups today. That usually means couples -- honeymooners, anniversary couples and such. But again, that's where I met Ben and Al.
My first group was from the Westin Ka'anapali Villas. That's where Ben and Al stayed. There were three here -- a dad, a mom, and a teen daughter. Next was a stop that included several Hotels at the north end of Ka'anapali Beach. Here I got the bulk of my group. There were two sets of honeymooners, and 3 brothers and their wives -- celebrating a 40th anniversary. The oldest brother was 70. This may be a slow ride!
Then three guys that seemed to know each other -- laughing and making fun with each other all the way -- hopped on the van. My gaydar was definitely alerted when one of the guys -- kind of plain looking -- but pleasant -- kept staring at me as I talked. I mean, I hope that I keep everyone's attention, but this guy was drilling me with his eyes -- and sometimes even smiling.
But -- you can't risk offending a client -- by coming on to him -- or her.
His name is Mike. He's an excellent rider. He would not be here if it weren't for one of his friends, Ashton -- who seemingly learned to ride a bike -- this morning! So -- I had to give my already perfected talk about how it doesn't matter where you are in the line of bikers down the trail. You have no way of communication with the big headgear they are required to wear, and riding single file is a must.
I expected some argument, but there was none. Mike was completely in the rear of the line, and of course I was at the lead, with the poorest rider behind me, Ashton. Somewhere in the middle of the group was the 70 year old. He turned out to be a decent rider.
On our first stop, the three guys asked me to take their picture, which of course I did. We were getting ready to ride out again and Ashton whispered to me, "Are you gay?"
I was taken by surprise. I don't pretend that I do a great job of hiding it -- but for someone to just blatantly ask it -- well it was surprising. "Uh -- well -- um -- did you want me to be?" I asked.
"Uh -- well, I don't -- I mean -- um -- no! But -- AHEM! -- one of my friends might. I could see the way the two of you were looking at each other. He's kind of shy -- when it comes to talking. But if you could - "
"I can't do anything, dude. I'd get fired and the company could get sued. So -- if your friend wants to talk to me -- he'll have to approach me -- just like you did."
I realized that what I said pretty much answered his question. It's not a problem for me -- once I was used to the idea.
"He's pretty shy - "
"Nevertheless - "
"Okay. Thanks." Said Ashton said. He seemed pleased with himself.
The next stop, Aston told the other guys to come up for another picture. When they were all ready, Ashton said, "Hey!" to another client. Can you take our picture? We want Tony in it with us."
This isn't an unfamiliar request. But Ashton was sure to place me between himself and Mike. He put his arm around my shoulders, so either I was just standing there -- or had to put my arm around Mike's waist. I chose the latter. Mike turned and smiled at me. Up this close, I couldn't help notice how red his lips were.
After several pictured were taken, Ashton gave my shoulders a squeeze, and I did the same to Mike -- not quite realizing I had partially squeezed his left buttock. Mike again smiled at me, this time raising his eyebrows. That made something in me surge. He's not that gorgeous, but there is a certain something -- innocence maybe -- that is very attractive. Both he and Ashton seemed to have it -- in their eyes or something.
At lunch, I went out of my way to stop by the 3 guys table and ask how their lunch was. Then I excused myself." "I gotta pee before we get back on the road." I said, looking straight at Mike. I was a little embarrassed, because unconsciously I grabbed my package as I said that -- and then only noticed it after I did it! As I waited in line, up walked Ashton.
"He really wants to -- talk to you." He said quietly.
"Did he tell you that?"
"No -- but I can tell."
It was my turn to go in the bathroom. Two guys came out, so Ashton followed me in. He took the toilet so I was poised to see his full frontal display. He was one that unfastened his belt and opened wide his fly, pulling down his tighty-whities so I got a great view of what he had. It made me wonder if maybe HE wanted to know me better. He averted his eyes as he splattered into the toilet somewhat resembling a horse. His dick was not that huge, but his urethra must have been. It came out of him like a fire hose!
When he finished, he winked at me. "Mike's is a lot bigger than mine!"
"I prefer small." I said.
I finished my duty and we headed for the door. "I've never done anything with Mikie." He offered.
"I didn't ask, but why are you - "
"Mike fooled around a little with Geoff." Geoff was the third guy with Ashton and Mike. "Well, okay -- a lot! But that was when they were little."
"So -- they liked it then -- but not now?" I asked, opening the door.
"Well -- they're mostly into girls now. But I still think he likes you.
"I'm into guys -- guys that like guys -- so that's how I feel about girls." I said.
Other than a small dick with a big hole, Ashton is medium height -- maybe 5'-10" tall, has longish, light ash colored hair, and steel gray eyes that sparkle brightly when he smiles.
When we were done, and back at the office, they were about to leave, Mike beckoned me to him, away from the rest of the group. "What's up, Mike?" I asked, ready for anything.
"D-dude! Um -- M -- maybe -- um y-you -- I m-mean -- Ashton told me th- th- that -- um -- he likes you -- a lot -- lot!"
"What?" I said incredibly.
"Y-you're gonna m-make me say that aga-aga-again?" He blinked several time.
"Ashton told me the same about you." I said, now suspicious as hell -- and showing it.
"That -- that -- that - !" Mike concentrated very hard and said slowly, "Ashton is a shy guy. He doesn't mind flashing guys sometimes -- I know he did that to you -- but he can't admit what he's feeling."
"What's that" I asked. What can't he admit?"
"That he's gay!"
"And you're not?" I asked.
"N-not really."
"Not `really'? What kind of answer is that?"
"I c-c-could b-be. Maybe bisexual. B-b-but I choose to keep it real -- with girls."
"Keep it real?" I said.
"You know -- reality is th-th-that it's easier to b-b-be straight."
"I think both of you are trying to trick me. How do you know Ashton?"
"He's m-my half-br-brother."
"Who's older?" I asked.
"We're a month apart. My dad was having an affair -- and I didn't m-m-meet Ashton -- until s-s-six years a-a-ago."
"Wow! And you're both gay?"
"I'm n-n-not gay!" He protested. "It's b-b-bad enough I ca-ca-can't talk!"
"Hey Mikie! Hi -- Tony -- right?" Said Geoff.
"We really need to get going, Mike. You and I need to get dates for tonight."
"I'm trying to f-f-fix Ashton up t-too!" Said Mike.
"Oh! Does Tony know someone who's gay?" Said Geoff.
THANK YOU GEOFF! I thought, then smiled demurely.
"Oh -- it's you! Haha! Well, I never was good at -- you know! What are you doing this afternoon and evening, um -- it IS Tony -- right?"
"I wish I could say I'm busy -- but -- (sigh) I'm free!"
"Why would you wish a thing like that when you have a chance with the studly Ashton Staedler?" Said Geoff.
"I -- uh - "
"We have to leave from here and we are heading to a dinner cruise out of Lahaina. Can you go?"
"Mom -- I won't be home again tonight."
"Wow! Going out with Elder Weinstein and the Elder's Quorum president again?"
"Both have been released mom. It's Johnnie and Ben. No -- it's with some clients that I made friends with. We're going on a dinner cruise out of Lahaina."
"Are they gay?"
"Mom!"
"I just -- never mind. I'm sorry. Have a good time, honey."
" - and that's how I get out of dinner at home. I just live two blocks from here. Can I throw something else on?" I asked the guys.
"We'll take you."
And ... that's how I met Ashton.
I'm very suspicious of falling for a guy from the mainland -- for obvious reasons. But with Ben -- it was I who called it off, so why should I be so gun-shy? I dunno -- I just am.
"I'll be right out!" I told them, preferring this time to not bring them in to meet mom.
I tore into the house and threw on a purple tee and white shorts -- and flip flops. It wasn't until I got back to the car that I noticed. Geoff and Mike were in nice pants and Hawaiian shirts. Ashton had on -- shorts a tee and sandals. Did he change while I was in the house?
"Good! At least two of us don't look like tourists!" Said Ashton.
"Oh! Where are you from, Ashton?" I said, hopeful.
"We're all from Georgia," said Ashton, "but I usually spend summers with my mom here in Lahaina. When they moved here, I was in high school and there was no way I wanted to move. I stayed with my father and brother in Atlanta! So Mikie and Geoff are here and invited me to stay with them and get a recess form my mom -- and step-dad."
"Oh." I said. "Um -- how old are you?"
"I'm legal!" He said.
"Yeah -- me too." I said. "How old?"
"How old do you think?" Ashton said.
"Well -- that's hard. You look too old to be a teen -- sorry -- but for an older guy -- you're pretty shy!"
He turned red and smiled demurely. "What's your point? How old do you think I am?"
"I'm gonna guess 22."
"Haha! You wish!" Said Geoff. "But you're only 3 years off!"
"You're 19??!!" I cried.
"Hahaha! No, 25, silly!" Said Ashton.
"So you're all 25?"
"I'm 23." Said Geoff.
We were just about to pull away from the curb when my cell phone went off. "Tony -- will you be coming home tonight?"
"Hm! Good question, Mom." I said. I turned to Mike - the driver. "Will I be coming home tonight?"
"If you w-want. You c-c-could stay with us -- r-right, Ash?" Ashton nodded.
"I'm not sure, Mom. I'll call later to let you know."
"Mommy wants you in at midnight?" Teased Geoff, as I closed my phone.
"Leave him alone, Geoff. My mom would want to know too." Said Ashton. "It's only fair."
I like Ashton already!
My phone rang again. "Watch out, your tether is ringing again." Said Geoff.
"Geoff is SO tied to his mother -- when he's at home!" Said Ashton.
"Hello?"
"Tony? It's Fred. I just wondered how things worked out -- with that kid -- the missionary."
"Oh -- hi Fred. He's fine." I said.
"Oh -- okay -- well, - um -- that's good -- I hope."
There was a silence. "Um -- did you call for any other reason -- Fred?" I asked.
"Um -- well -- yes and no. I mean -- I told you I wouldn't call you -- that if you were interested -- you could call me."
"Oh -- yeah, I remember something like that."
"Then it hit me how -- um -- conceited and stuck up that must have sounded. Can we -- um -- meet and talk somewhere -- um -- tonight?"
"I can't tonight. I'm going to a dinner cruise - "
"Oh! How fun! Who with?"
"With some guys -- that I met today -- from work. They were clients."
"Ah! Well -- okay then. Well, have a great time. Um -- maybe not TOO great -- uh -- haha! Um -- what ever you um -- do -- save some for me -- okay?"
"You're funny, Fred! See you later."
"Okay -- um --call me when you're free, huh?"
"Okay. See you -- Fred."
"So it wasn't Mom! Unless Fred's your code name -- for Mom." Said Geoff.
"So -- was that my brother's competition?" Asked Mike.
"Mikie -- shut up!" Said Ashton. "They always do this to me!" he complained. "Tony, if you don't want to stay tonight, I'll take you home.
"Wha -- at?" Said both Mike and Geoff together.
"They're just trying to get me laid." Said Ashton.
" -- before he turns into the next 40 year old virgin!" Both the other guys laughed uproariously. Ashton turned red.
"You know what?" I said, "I'll just follow you in my car, then if I decide I need to come home, it won't be a problem for you. I get up at 12:30 AM -- so that can be a problem too."
"Wo!" Said Mike. "You didn't pick us up until 2:30 this morning. Guess you have stuff to do before the pickup."
"Yeah." I said. "I'll follow you guys. Ashton -- do you want to ride with me?"
Of course he did.
"You guys had me thoroughly confused, you know!" I said as soon as we got going.
"Sorry `bout that."
"I mean it seemed like Mike was coming on to me -- at first. Then both of you tell me that the other was interested I me. What was that about?"
"Mike and I didn't grow up together. He's always a lot more -- um -- brave than I am. I was so embarrassed when he did what he did. Sorry, but my reaction was a back lash to what he had done. He and Geoff have screwed around -- a LOT -- since they were little. But they both want to date girls and go that way. They - "
"What do you mean, they `want' to date girls? Have they dated girls?"
"No. neither of them."
"Wow! 25 and never dated a girl. Hmm. Have they dated -- um -- guys?" I asked.
"Nope -- unless you count each other."
"Did they ever try to get you into their -- um -- `dating'?"
"You mean -- did the try to get me to play with them?"
"Yeah -- sexually. From that 40-year-old virgin remark, I assume they haven't succeeded."
"They've tried. I'm just not in to that kind of stuff."
"What stuff are you not in to?"
"Oh -- you know -- casual sex. I was always taught that sex is sacred. And - "
"Me too!" I said.
" -- and my parents -- well, my Mom and step dad -- whom I consider my Dad -- don't care if I'm gay -- but they want me to -- be careful, and be happy. My real dad - "
"oh -- you mean your `sperm donor'?"
"Yeah -- the one I have stayed with since Mom moved over here. Sperm donor -- that's perfect! I've heard Dr. Laura call it that before! After he screwed it up with both my mom and Mike's, he kind of dropped out of our lives -- for a long time. Just in the last few years -- he wants back in."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I dunno. Bill -- my step-dad -- will always be my Dad. But people make mistakes -- I guess. If Jesus can forgive -- I guess I should."
"Oh! Are you Mormon?" I asked.
"No. I was raised a Christian, but we didn't go to any church. We studied the bible at home -- as a family. What's a Mormon?"
"You don't want to know!"
"Oh! Did you used to belong to that church?"
"I still do."
"That's weird."
"What's weird?"
"That you belong to it, yet are telling me I don't want it. If you don't like it -- why don't you quit?"
"It's complicated." I said.
"Your family will kick you out?"
"No -- like I said -- it's complicated."
"We have time. Ka'anapali is still 30 minutes away."
"Well, if you really want to know -- I love the people there -- and they love me. But the only reason to actually join the church is if you plan to have as a goal, returning to Father in Heaven -- to his kingdom."
"Returning?"
"Omigosh. I can't explain THAT in a half hour."
"But you will -- right -- later?"
"Basically, we believe that we lived with Him before we were born to our parents."
"Ohhh! And he loved me so much, he sent me to an unwed mother and a dad that didn't want me. I see! That's why we study at home!"
"No -- it's not like that. But anyway -- we believe that just by choosing to come here -- to earth -- as we did because -- well, obviously we're here -- we will end up in heaven after we die. All of us -- everyone ever born on the earth."
"Hm. So what's the value in being good? If the murderers and really bad people are also going to heaven -- dude -- that just doesn't make sense."
"And that's exactly why we don't teach it to investigators the first time we teach them! Look -- I've told you too much! It's like giving meat to a baby, when he is hardly used to milk."
"Well -- then you will have to promise to give me both the milk and the meat -- someday."
We looked at each other when he said that and started to laugh. "What's an investigator?" He asked.
"I was on a two year mission for my church."
"Oh! You were one of those guys who rode a bike around in suits and ties? I may have seen you!"
"I served in Arizona." I said.
"Oh." He said.
"And before we leave the subject -- we believe that there is more than one level of heaven. The really bad ones go to the lowest kingdom. But even it is wonderful -- more wonderful that anyone can imagine. And the other two kingdoms are so much better - there is no comparison between any of them. Those who do everything that God asks -- which will be very few -- will go to Heavenly Father's kingdom."
"And -- where do we go?"
"We?" I said -- as if I didn't understand him.
"Gays! Where do we go?"
"Most of the good people of the world will go to the middle kingdom. I think there are a lot of good gay people. There are also a lot of not so good ones -- just like there are good and bad everywhere."
"So -- if -- for example -- we had sex tonight -- would we still be considered good?" He asked.
"Wow. You're pushing my limits!"
"Good! That's what I like! And for the record -- we're NOT having sex tonight!"
"Haha! Thanks for telling me. But I knew that."
"Just good to have an understanding." He said. "I plan to wait until I at least love a guy."
"I can't disagree with that." I said. I decided that the topic of exactly what he considered as sex would be one for later.
"So -- what do Mormons teach about Gays?'
"Oh look!" I said. "We're here!" (Whew! I didn't want to get into that at that time!)
As we were standing in line -- about 10 minutes -- to get on the boat -- Geoff asked, "So did you guys get to know each other -- on the way here?"
"Kind of." Said Ashton. "We talked about religion."
"Good Gawd! Leave it to my brother! No wonder you're never gonna get laid!" Said Mike. "So tell me -- Are you both planning to go to the Gay Kingdom when you die?"
"Huh?" I said.
"You're Mormon -- right?"
"What -- I mean -- yes -- how did you know?"
"You look like one."
"Thank you!" I said. "You couldn't have given me a nicer compliment."
"Yeah, I studied with some Elders once. They have a kingdom for everyone - - don't they?"
"Heh! Sort of. They're loading the boat. Let's get on." I said -- to change the subject.
Luckily they had room for me on the boat and we were all sitting together at a table that sat 10.
After dinner a band played. I noticed two other gay couples on the dance floor. A few people gave them odd looks, but no one said anything. Mike and Geoff seemed to be glued to their seats -- even though there were 2 girls at our table. I said, "You wanna dance?" to Ashton.
"What -- with you?" He said.
"We wouldn't be the only ones." I said, indicating to the other two gay couples out there. I got up and pulled him to the floor.
That left Mike and Geoff -- and the two girls -- at the table. They just sat there, and didn't ask the girls to dance. When that song was over, I said, "Let's ask those girls to dance!"
I felt comfortable asking them. They looked bored and girls usually like "us" anyway. And - - unlike his half brother, Ashton was a babe! He had hair easily as curly as mine, but it was light blond, and it hung in circlets over his eyes. He had to kind of look under them to see you -- which made him seem even sexier.
"Hi. I'm Tony. You guys wanna dance?"
"Sure -- why not." Said the prettiest one. "C'mon Julia -- at least someone wants to dance with us!" I glanced at Mike. He looked a cross between embarrassed and pissed.
Once on the dance floor, "I'm Chanelle." She said. "Um -- are your two friends gay too?"
"Gay too?" I said in mock seriousness. "You think I'm gay?" She gave me the look. "Okay, okay! But no -- they aren't. they're just shy."
As I led her back to the table, she said "Thanks -- it's nice to dance with someone who knows how!" then she turned directly to Mike. "So - - you gonna dance with me or what?"
Mike giggled and popped up like a jack-in-the-box. I saw Chanelle's eyes go up to the ceiling. She danced 3 dances with him. Julia danced with Geoff. After the third dance with Mike, Chanelle asked me to dance again.
"I'm sorry but -- your friend, Mike, can't dance -- and he -- isn't -- straight!"
"Huh?" I said.
"Tony -- I was doing things to him that should have -- well, you know! He didn't respond -- at all."
"Oh!"
"C'mon, Tony! He's your friend -- and you didn't know?"
"Heh -- I just met all of them today. His brother says he's straight."
"Who's his brother?"
"That would be the guy I've been dancing with -- Ashton."
"Well -- I think they're both in serious denial. Will you kiss me? He's watching!"
I closed my eyes and kissed her on the mouth. It was enough to make mine flex. I was embarrassed because she felt it. "See -- he didn't even give me that much. He's gay!" she chuckled "and he can't even dance!"
We sailed back to Lahaina at 7:30. "Tony -- I'm so glad you came with us tonight." Said Ashton, seriously. "Can you stay?"
"Ohhhh!" I moaned. "How long will you be here, Ashton?"
"You can call me Ash." He said. "I have been thinking about staying until next semester. I missed the beginning anyway. Mom wants me to stay. My -- uh -- sperm donor -- as you called him -- will pout, but I -- why?"
"I'd like to see you again." I said. "But for now -- I really better get home. I have tomorrow night off -- well, actually the next day -- Thursday. If you can think of anything cool to do -- I'm open to it."
"I can! I mean -- I will! Call me after work tomorrow." He handed me a card with his number on it.
"Um -- there's one more thing."
"What?" He said -- seeing the concern in my eyes.
"Your brother -- Chanelle says -- he's gay."
"He is! I know it. He doesn't! He and Geoff are in love and they don't even know it! His parents -- they wouldn't accept it very well. They accept me being gay -- but -- I'm not their son!"
"That's sad. But they're what -- 23 and 25? They need to grow some balls maybe. Some think that queers don't have balls. Just because we like men doesn't mean we have to act like girls."
"I'll talk to them. He is my younger brother, you know!"
"Yeah -- by what -- one month?"
"Uh huh. I wish you were staying tonight. Even if I stay here, I won't be in that place with my brother after tomorrow. They're going home." He looked into my eyes deeply. "Tony -- we can't -- um -- stay together -- at my mom's house."
I looked away and sighed. "Um -- I better go." I said. I didn't want to let my parents down. "Sounds like your parents are pretty much like mine. It's okay to be gay -- but they don't want stuff going on -- in their house. And -- that's fine. It's their house."
"See you later," he said and started to open the car door.
"Ash - " I said.
He turned and I made sure that his lips ran into mine. It was obvious he had not kissed much -- if at all. I gently placed my hand on the back of his head and drew him in again. "Open your mouth a little." I whispered. He did. "Let your lips get soft -- relax `em!" I said. He did. It was a very nice, maybe only slightly unchaste kiss.
"Omigosh!" he said. "Um -- you sure you can't - "
"No -- Ash -- I have to go."
"I have so much I want to tell you -- and -- so much I want to learn -- from you." He said, then he kissed me again. "I think I'm gonna like this!"
I looked and Mike and Geoff were watching us. As we watched, they walked to their front door and before going in -- they pulled back into the shadows and -- they kissed awkwardly. Then it got hotter and they were all over each other. They fumbled with the front door and opened it and -- went inside.
"You may not have to tell them anything after all, Ash."
We kissed once more and I drove home. There was a note waiting for me. I checked my phone. It had gone dead while I wasn't looking.
"Tony, Tomorrow night I have to fly to Oahu -- to do a dive show at Waimea Park on Saturday. Can you come? Call me -- Fred."
Notes: Feast or famine! What's next for Tony? Comments welcome to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve