This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!
(CA) Ben Hastings -- First love
(Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years)
Lucas diMarco -- my dad
Wendy diMarco -- my mom.
Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.
From Ch. 4:
Ben and I were silent on the way home from the beach, and I kissed him before getting out of the car. "I'll always be your friend, no matter what you decide, Ben. I've dealt with it -- and if you need, I'll help you deal with it."
"I think this is one that will have to be between me and the Lord, Tony. Bye!"
He drove slowly away. I watched him until he turned the corner. What I told him didn't come close to my true feelings for him.
"Was that your Elder's Quorum President?" Dad said from behind me. Startled, I jumped. "Sorry, I just came out to empty the kitchen trash."
"Yeah -- Ben."
"He surely seems to like you."
"Yeah -- it goes both ways, Dad. It goes both ways."
Chapter 5
"I don't know what your schedule is like this week, but the elders called and were wondering if you could go on splits tomorrow night." Said Dad.
Splits is when a pair of full-time elders -- missionaries -- splits up to go out to two or more appointments with members of the ward. This way they can be in "two places at once".
"I told them you were off tomorrow, and would call in the morning."
"Okay, Dad. Thanks." I said.
In the morning, I was awakened at 9:00 AM with a call from Elder Wyatt. "Tony, can you meet with me and my new companion for a few minutes this morning?"
Uh -- sure, Elder. New companion?" I said. So Elder Weinberg has been transferred?"
"We'll talk about that when I get there -- okay?"
"Ohh -- kaaay." I said.
"Good. Can you meet us at the church at 10:00 AM?"
As soon as we were there, Elder Wyatt and I walked far enough away from his new companion, Elder Barnes, that he couldn't hear us but was still in sight of us. Tony, as you know, Elder Weinberg and I are -- er -- were the zone leaders in this zone, and - "
"No, I didn't know that, Elder." I said. Each mission in The Church is broken into zones and in turn each zone into districts. A mission has one president, who, like the full time elders, is called to serve a certain time in the mission field. The president is usually an older, more mature man -- married and retired, and able to support himself on a mission away from his home. He is always a High Priest.
He in turn calls leaders from the full time elders to be over a district -- sometimes as few as 3 -- 4 elders, or a zone -- which may be over several districts.
"Yes, we -- um -- were. I've been asked to ask you some questions."
"Oh." I said, feeling like a fever was ready to consume me.
"Elder Weinberg has been sent home by President Wilson." Elder Wyatt looked long and hard at me. "Tony -- Elder Weinberg was worried that he may have done something that offended you. Do you know why?"
I had an idea, but I didn't know, so I said, "Why?"
"When you and he were in the rear of Brother Fisk's car, he said that he was afraid that maybe he -- erm -- was too close with you -- on the way home from the fireside the other night. Did that bother you?"
"Elder Weinberg was sent home??!!" I exclaimed.
"I shouldn't have told you that, Tony. I am pretty emotionally involved. I apologize. Anyway, did you -- um -- I guess what I'm trying to ask is -- well -- did that bother you?"
"Hell no!" I said, angrily. I usually don't react so violently, but something about this didn't seem right. "I mean -- we were in the back of a car that had very little room. Was there some other choice?" I asked Elder Wyatt, loudly. He looked over nervously at his new companion.
"No, Tony, not in that case. But - - maybe as Full time elders we might have chosen to drive ourselves to the fireside." He said meekly. Tears filled his eyes. "Tony -- I loved -- er LOVE Elder Weinberg. He is the -- er -- WAS the best companion I ever had. Tony, can I ask you a personal question? This is totally off the record."
His sincerity was obvious. He was truly shaken that his favorite companion had been sent home -- and maybe for something that he had no control over -- and certainly that Elder Wyatt had no control over. When two young men -- and I speak from experience -- are compelled to spend every waking moment together -- they either really like one another, or sometimes they don't but the at least put up with each other. And sometimes -- they develop a Godlike love for one another that lasts through their life.
"Question?" I said. "Well, of course."
"Elder -- oops, I mean Tony - " his eyes and hands were both shaking almost uncontrollably, "Tony, do you think that you could have done anything -- while you were in that back seat -- that could have possibly -- um -- created some kind of -- um -- well, - maybe desire is the word -- in Elder Weinberg?"
I of course knew what he was alluding to. I took both of his hands and looked him in the eyes. "Elder Wyatt -- in that situation, anyone that may have been -- um -- susceptible to -- um -- the kind of desires you're talking about -- might have felt something. If Elder Weinberg felt something, he needn't be worried about me being offended."
"So you weren't offended?"
"No." I said.
"And in your recollection -- nothing that you did could have elicited some response from Elder Weinberg?"
"Elder -- it was a long ride -- 45 minutes -- in that cramped back seat. I didn't feel anything wrong with getting comfortable. I'm sorry if -- if -- it somehow affected Elder Weinberg -- um -- in the wrong way. I know a lot of guys in that situation would have been extremely uncomfortable in such close cramped conditions. It just doesn't bother me!" I said, squeezing Elder Wyatt's hands for emphasis. He pulled them back, embarrassed himself that he had held on to my hands so long.
"Well, Elder Weinberg was afraid it did bother you. And -- also off the record -- it DID bother him."
"What?" I exclaimed. "I thought you said he was worried that - "
" -- that it bothered you -- yes. Tony -- unlike yourself, Elder Weinberg is very uncomfortable being that close to another guy -- especially one as -- well -- as good looking as you. Elder Weinberg was attracted to you, Tony. Don't you see? He was trying to be good and he didn't really know -- or realize -- or admit -- even to himself that he had those kind of feeling -- for other guys. Please don't judge him harshly. He -- I -- I mean - " Elder Wyatt looked over at his new companion and his lips were quivering. He covered his face with his hands. He broke down and cried -- sobbed.
"I'm sorry, Elder -- I mean -- Tony -- it's just I am so worried about him. I have heard about other -- you know - guys like him -- that have been sent home and eventually -- you know -- committing suicide, even!"
"I've heard those stories too, Elder." I said. "But you knew Elder Weinberg pretty well, didn't you?"
"Yeah." He sniffled.
"Elder -- guys like him -- and like me -- have to have something else going on in their lives to make than do that."
"Huh?" Elder Wyatt stopped breathing for a moment. "You mean -- that -- you - "
"Yes, Elder." I said. "I wasn't sent home -- because I didn't do anything -- that my mission prez thought was worthy to send me home. I was in love -- or thought I was -- with two of my companions and - "
"Oh no, Tony -- don't say that! He couldn't have been -- been -- in love with me!"
"You're a good looking guy, Elder. The red hair, the blue, blue eyes. And if you were that close and you told me that you loved -- er -- love him - "
"Not that way!" He protested.
"I know that. None of my companions loved me like that either."
"So you're saying that maybe, inadvertently -- I may have added to his distress?"
"I'm saying nothing of the kind. But I do think that you guys tend to blame yourselves way too much. I know -- I did it too. Elder, when we got to the dance, Elder Weinberg had fallen asleep and -- his hand was between my legs."
"WHAT!!??"
"WYATT!" I said firmly -- then softened my tone. "Elder Wyatt -- he was asleep and -- there was no other place for his hand to be!"
"Oh."
"Can I maybe write to him? Do you know his address?"
"Of course I do, but we're not supposed to share -- awww -- screw it! What would you write to him?"
"Elder -- if he noticed my reaction to his hand being between my legs, it may have freaked him out. Because I did react in the -- the -- um -- pre-DICK-table way."
"Omigosh." Elder Wyatt exclaimed. "What would you tell him?"
"I'd tell him that what happened was an accident and it didn't bother me -- or offend me. I'd tell him that I understand what he's going through. I myself was kicked out of my own house last fall -- for spending the night with a guy."
"What did you -- oh, sorry -- never mind!"
"We didn't do anything -- that night. I had nowhere else to go when I was kicked out -- so I went to stay with him. It wasn't so innocent after that."
"Tony -- you HAVE to call him. He has a cell phone. We aren't allowed to use them -- and he didn't -- but he has one and -- you have to call him! I'm afraid what he might do."
He gave me the number. "I'm Really not supposed to do this!" He said. I called the number.
"Wyatt?" Said Elder Weinberg.
"No -- Elder -- this is Tony."
"Tony!" He whispered loudly. "I can't -- I mean- I can't talk right now!"
"Where are you?"
"At the mission home."
"Wha -- you didn't go home yet?" I looked at Elder Wyatt. He shrugged.
"I -- gotta go!"
"Call me back -- can you see my number?"
"No! See yah!" and he hung up.
I turned my attention to Elder Wyatt. "He's still here." He looked at me sheepishly.
"I'll see him tonight -- I'm taking some of his stuff to him -- before he leaves."
"Take him my Cell number. I HAVE to talk to him before he leaves."
"I agree. He already told me that he can't go home." Was he suggesting what I thought he was?
I went back home and Mom noticed I was shaken up. She didn't ask why. "Did you have a good time with the Elders?"
"It was -- okay." I said, non-committal. I immediately went to my room and called Ben.
"Ben Fisk! May I help you?"
"You're at work then?"
"Oh hi, Tony. What's up?" He said sweetly.
"I have something to talk to you about."
"Wow! Again?" He said jokingly.
"This is serious."
"What is it, Babe?"
"Can you talk?"
"No problem."
"So -- that means someone else is there, but you can listen?"
"Yeah -- you could say that."
"Um -- there is a problem. Elder Wyatt - "
"Oh yeah -- the gay elder?" he was still in a joking mood. My complete silence told him this was not funny. "Sorry -- yeah, what about him."
"He needs a place to stay."
Oooohhhhh~! Okay -- well -- this is -- interesting -- let's see here. Maybe I need to take off a little early so we can take care of that. I'll call you when I'm off."
"Okay. Thanks, Ben."
"Dad?"
"Yes, Son?"
"I may need to borrow your truck tonight."
"You're not moving out are you?"
"No -- nothing like that. I may need to help a friend move."
"Well, of course. Need any help?"
"Naw -- it's not that much stuff. Actually someone may be moving in with Ben."
"Ben -- the Elders President?" Again my silence said enough. "Okay! I'll be home around four -- as usual."
"I called Elder Wyatt's number and left a message to call me."
Later that day: "What's up Tony?" said Elder Wyatt.
"I have found -- er -- may have found a place for Weinberg to stay."
"I gave him your number. I can't help -- it would - "
"I know -- you've done too much already."
"Tony -- I'm no longer a zone leader."
"That doesn't sound like a bad thing to me!" I quipped.
"THANK YOU!" He said.
"Are you being sarcastic?" I asked.
"No!" then whispered, "My companion."
"Oh -- yeah. Well, thanks Elder."
"Sigh! Thank YOU, Tony! Keep me informed."
Soon after that Ben called. "Okay, Ben -- I'll be right over." He said and pulled in front of the house in five minutes.
"So what's your -- um -- idea?" He said. He had to know what I was about to suggest.
"Um -- can you take on a roomie?"
"Is that what you wanted? I was afraid of that. Ben -- I talked to the Bishop last night. Since I am not married, he can handle - - it. If I was married -- especially in the Temple -- it would go before the high counsel."
"But -- you were released?"
"Yeah. I was. But I'm coming back."
"Huh?"
"Ben -- I told the bishop -- that -- I wanted to -- um - "
"Repent?" I said.
"Yeah."
Part of me died and another part said -- well okay then. "I totally support whatever you decide, Ben." Is what I said. I didn't quite feel it. I can't say I was broken hearted -- not like I was with Ben Hastings. But it was like - - something was lost - - inside me.
"So -- can you take on a room mate?"
"It wouldn't look good, Tony. I'd love to -- but -- well -- you know."
I did know. If he was working with the bishop, he couldn't take on a gay room mate.
"I -- see -- well, okay -- Ben. I -- um -- well -- of course I support your decision. Tha -- um -- thanks for -- um -- being there when I needed you."
"I may need some of that support myself."
"Yeah -- I know." I said. "Well, good luck -- I mean -- Sorry -- I mean - "
"I think that's completely appropriate. Bye -- for now, Babe."
When he called me that, it felt like a fist was being thrust down my throat. "Bye!" I said and hung up quickly.
I knew this scenario was a possibility. I had tried it myself. I felt torn asunder. DAMNED STUPID religious beliefs! But -- I am the one who still believes it -- all!
"Hello?"
"Hi -- Fred?"
"Tony??!! I didn't think I'd hear from you -- so soon. How are you?"
He sounded so happy! "I have a problem."
"And that is?"
I told him about Elder Wyatt.
"Oho!" He said triumphantly chagrinned. "I ask you to give me a chance and you want to set me up with another gay guy even younger than you!"
"This is to save a life, Fred." I said, not laughing.
"If I could do this for you -- what would you do for me?"
"What would you want?"
"A chance. Nothing more, nothing less."
"What if I told you that you always had a chance?" I asked. "What would you want then?"
"Nothing more -- nothing less. Can you give me a night to make it right with my folks?"
"Of course. What'll you tell them?"
"That this Elder got released and -- needs a place to stay until he can find something else."
"And they'll just let him stay in the pool house?"
"I wasn't planning to ask them that. I have a bedroom in the house -- or used to. He can probably stay there."
"Oh!"
"I'm not stupid, Tony." He said laughing.
"Nope! I never thought you were!"
I was getting worried when dinner came and went with no call from Elder Weinberg. Then it came. "Tony? This is Wyatt! Can you go get him now?"
"Yeah. How much stuff does he have?"
"Just the regular. Your car ought to be enough. Pick him up across the street that's back of the mission home. He'll be waiting there."
I pulled up to the stop sign and saw no one, then he stepped out in front of my lights. I pulled up beside him. He looked in, embarrassed. "Get in. Where's your stuff?"
"It's in the mission home!" he said. "I couldn't sneak it out."
"Close the door, Weinberg." I said. "What's your name?"
"J -- j -- Johnnie."
"Why would you have to sneak it out, Johnnie?"
He looked right and then left. "They're there. I don't even know if they know I'm gone!"
"Trust me -- they know." I said. He got an even more frightened look on his face.
"How old are you, Johnnie?"
"Almost 20."
"Holy Crap!" I said. "Sorry! Johnnie -- time for you to grow some balls -- real fast!"
"Huh?"
"Johnnie -- the age of consent in Hawaii is 18. You're almost 2 years older than that. We'll just walk in and get your stuff."
"Oh -- okay." He said, but it was more like a question.
We walked around the block. We hadn't gotten any further than the parking lot when one of the assistant's to the prez came out. "Hey! How are you doing -- oh! It's you!" He said looking at Johnnie Weinberg. "I thought you were -- what's going on?" He said, confused.
"We've come to get his stuff." I announced.
"Well, it's not that simple." Said the Elder.
"Ah, but it is. We walk in and get his stuff -- that's all."
"This is a private home."
"And if I'm not mistaken, Johnnie -- erm -- Elder Weinberg is a guest here -- right? He's not a prisoner -- right?" I asked, being much calmer and cooler than the Elder.
"What's going on?" Said another voice. I looked into the eyes of President Wilson. "Oh! You're the boy who - "
"Who what?" I asked.
"You're the one he's been fooling with. The one that has gotten him - "
I looked at Johnnie. "Who told you that we were "fooling with -- anything?" Johnnie looked chagrinned. "Did you tell him something I don't know about, Elder?"
"Are you telling me that you and John -- er - Elder Wyatt -- I mean Weinstein -- did nothing?"
"I am telling you exactly that, Sir. The way I understand it -- he was afraid that maybe I was offended by some innocent thing he did -- and this was blown way out of proportion."
"He told me -- "
"I never told you that Tony and I did anything!" Said Johnnie. "Now I want to get my stuff."
"Sorry, your stuff is in a room in my home. And I can't - "
Elder Wyatt and his new companion came out of the house. "Here's the stuff, President Wilson. What did you want me to -- oh, Elder Weinstein! Tony! What're - "
"We'll take that off your hands, Elder." Said Johnnie. He took a box and gave it to me.
"Now wait just a minute!" said President Wilson.
"Frank!" A woman's voice came from the front door. "Let the boy go. We can't stop him!"
The president turned to look at his wife. She beckoned to Johnnie. He actually ran to her. She gathered him up to her and hugged him. He broke down in her arms. "Frank -- just hug him goodbye."
The president's whole demeanor changed as he came and hugged both his wife and Johnnie. Then the president said, "John -- I guess I'll have to release you here, myself. Come back in and let me give you a blessing after you get your stuff in the car.
Sister Wilson looked at me and smiled. "Sometimes my husband forgets he's not a Bishop in Idaho any longer. We have been learning the hard way that -- that there is a lot more love in the church than we thought. Please come in Brother - - ?"
"I'm Tony diMarco." I said, smiling.
"Please do come in -- um -- Tony -- after you put that stuff in your car."
I asked Johnnie if he felt okay with me just going and pulling my car to the front of the mission home. He said he was fine now.
After I parked next to the front door, Sister Wilson again beckoned me in to the house.
President Wilson gave Johnnie a beautiful blessing of wellbeing and that he would sort out his confusions and have peace in his life.
Johnnie hugged both Sister and President Wilson -- in that order. President Wilson seemed to cling lovingly to Johnnie after Johnnie had let go. I saw wetness in his eyes -- and Sister Wilson's - as we left.
"Mom, Dad, you remember - "
"Of course! Elder Weinberg! P-day?" Dad asked. P-day is what the full time elders call their one day off per week. It stands for Preparation day. They often are not dressed in their white shirts and ties that day, and would blend in to any crowd.
"Elder Weinberg has been released and will be staying with a family in the First Ward for awhile." I said, diverting the attention from Johnnie. He as yet didn't even know where he would be staying.
"I invited him to stay with us tonight. I'll take him over to the Stumpfs tomorrow."
"Oh yes -- the Stumpfs! Wonderful people. You will like them -- oh! But you probably already know that!" Said my mom to Johnnie. Johnnie smiled. "I'll make up the bed in the guest room."
"If it's okay, Sister diMarco, I'd like to stay in Tony's room. I can sleep on the floor. I'm not used to sleeping by myself in a room". Said Johnnie shyly.
"Of course! Tony was the same way when he came home from his mission. It takes some time to convert back to regular life, doesn't it?" Mom said.
"I'm hitting it early tonight. Gotta get up at 12:30!" I said. It was already 9:25.
"I'm pretty tired too. If you don't mind - ?" said Johnnie.
Dad brought in a cot that we had in the garage. "Sorry, it's all we have -- but it's better than the floor maybe."
"It'll be fine, Brother diMarco. Thanks."
Dad left my room and closed the door behind him. "G'night boys." He said.
I immediately stripped down and got some shorts to sleep in. Johnnie stared at me in my topless attire. "You -- you don't wear your garments to bed?"
"I don't wear them, Elder." I said, somewhat embarrassed.
"Oh! Sorry -- but - - ?" He shook his head in confusion.
"Johnnie -- I can't. I've done things that -- that would preclude me wearing them any more."
"Oh." He said. He commenced to take his off. Standing in his nakedness, he asked if I had another pair of shorts he could wear.
"Why?" I asked.
"Same as you."
"Oh!" I exclaimed. What could YOU have done?" I then thought better and said, Oh, I'm sorry, Elder, - it's none of my business!"
"It's okay. It was with you that I did it." I gave him a bewildered look. "In the back of Brother Fisk's car.
"Elder -- Johnnie -- we didn't do anything! Put your garments back on!" He smiled sheepishly and did as he was told. I turned the light out and we both lay down on our beds. After a few minutes, I heard him sniffling.
"Johnnie -- do you want to sleep over here?"
"M-hm." He said, and climbed in with me in my twin bed. I got up and locked the door.
I gathered him into my arms and he sighed. "You're gonna be okay, Elder -- just fine." I said and we went to sleep, spooning.
Notes: Yeah -- I was blown away too! Comments are appreciated: to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and ... Love, Steve