Dilemma for Tony This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY!
Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!(CA)
Ben Hastings -- First love(Maui)
Ben Fisk -- (+4 years)
Lucas diMarco -- my dad
Wendy diMarco -- my mom.
Joseph -- my Brother -- 17
Levi -- my brother - 15
Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.
Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary
Ashton Staedler -- New friend
Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother
Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend
Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator (+2)
Grandpa Antonio DiMarco
Grandma Rose From Ch. 25:
"Oh, Thank you Sister diMarco! I LOVE turkey on rye!" said Ben.
"And thank you ever so much for taking such loving care of our boy while we were out."
"Oh that was not any problem -- I DO love him." He said then he said, "I mean -- er -- that is -- I - "
"That's obvious. I could see the way you were stroking his head when we came in." Said my mom. "Oh my sweet Tony, will you please wake up? Can you?" I felt her hand -- colder from being outside maybe -- on my forehead. "Do you even know who I am, my sweet Antonio?"
Chapter 26
"Of course, you're my mother!" I instinctively said. My mother screamed. It was not quite enough to wake me up.
"Tony -- Tony!" she said. "Did you hear that, Jacob? Or was I imagining he just talked to me?"
"You didn't imagine it, Wendy. We all heard it. But I'm afraid your scream put him back into a coma again."
"Oh no!" Cried my mother.
"I'm not serious, Wendy!"
"This is no time to be joking!" My mom said both defensively and coldly. "Our son is in a coma!"
"Wendy, it's going to be alright. We gave him a blessing. He's going to come out of it."
"Do you really think so, Dad?" Said Aaron, more like a ten-year-old than a teen.
"I'm sure of it!" Said Dad. "He was just giving your mother the reassurance she needed."
I still heard everything that was going on. I wondered if I could talk to them again -- and I tried -- but I could not.
But from then on I always tried to talk to them and even answered them when they talked to me. Another week went by. I don't know how he did it, but Ben just stayed by me the whole time. Rollie came and went, but I knew his heart wasn't in it. I dunno if he gave up or what.
I knew some things had happened when I was in a coma. They all thought I was still comatose, but it was more like I was deeply asleep or something. Or maybe hypnotized -- I dunno. I started to doubt the things that had happened while I was in the deeper coma. Was it all a dream?
Then one day I heard my dad say, "I wonder if there was anyone there to comfort him."
"You guys were all here." I answered. I didn't need anyone else." No response form Dad. I was used to it though. They never responded, because they never heard me.
"Like who?" Said Joey.
"Ohhh -- like some dead relative that already passed on." Said Dad, yawning.
"Who was Great-grandfather Giuseppe?" I asked.
"He was my Grandfather." Said Dad.
"Dad!" Said Aaron. "He just asked you a question!"
"Huh?" said my dad, yawning again. "Quit playing with me, Aaron. I'm tired enough as it is. You asked me - "
"It was me, Dad." I said, looking up at him.
"Omigod!" Said Dad - - which surprised me. He never took the Lord's name in vain before -- as far as I knew! "Go get your mother. No! I'll go! You stay with -- oh!" Dad looked at me. "Are you back to stay?" Dad was suddenly wide awake and wild eyed
"I dunno Dad. But this is the first time I can see everyone. Go get Mom." I looked around the room. Joey and Aaron were there. "Is Rollie anywhere?" I asked.
"No, but your friend Ben has hardly ever left." Said Dad. I'll get both of them.
"Ben?" I closed my eyes trying to figure out why Ben would --
"Tony!" Said one of my brothers. I opened my eyes. "Please -- don't close your eyes again -- until Mom gets here."
"And Ben?" I said.
"Yeah, Dad's getting them both."
"I'm sorry, Joe. I have to close my eyes. This is tiring me out. Keep talking to me." I begged.
"Well, as long as you don't go back to sleep. Help me out here, Aaron!"
"We were really worried about you, Tony." Said Aaron. "I should have gone to the bathroom with you. I'm sorry!"
"No -- Joey was right! You can't watch me all the time."
"You -- you heard that?" Said Joey.
"I heard almost everything."
The door opened so fast that it blew my covers around. I opened my eyes. "Oh my sweet, sweet Antonio!" My mom said and she came to the bed and took hold of my hand. I closed my eyes. "Oh no, don't - "
"It's okay, Mom." One of my brothers said. "Just talk to him. He gets too tired keeping them open." Ben stood in the background, smiling nervously.
Then a nurse came in. "Is our boy awake?" She said cheerily. "You've had a nice nap, haven't you Tony? Are you hungry? Can I get you anything? I've already put in a call for the doctor." She waited for an answer. I looked from her to Ben.
"Where's -- Rollie?" I said to Ben, then closed my eyes. But before I closed them I saw disappointment in them, followed quickly by a smile.
"He's been pretty busy -- what with working and -- diving."
"Oh." I said. Something flashed through my mind involving Rollie and Fred. I opened my eyes and held out my hand to Ben. He stepped forward and took it. I smiled and closed my eyes again. "Thanks Ben." I said. I squeezed his hand. The more I held it, the more of a familiar feeling flooded over me. A good feeling. I wished that Ben could feel all the emotions I was experiencing by holding his hand. I wished I could know why I was feeling them.
Suddenly I remembered Chester. "What happened to Chester?"
"Who's Chester?"
"He was the big guy that was with me when I was abducted."
"They took him to jail." Said Dad.
"No!" I said "They can't! He tried to save me. He saved my life!"
"We understood that he was the one who abducted you!" Said Dad.
"Well -- he was, but -- Dad, he wasn't all there. He was controlled by his brother." I said, getting more tired by the moment. I closed my eyes again.
"We'll tell the prosecutor and the defense attorney assigned to him, but then I think we should let the courts figure the rest out, Son." Said my dad.
"His brother was shot and killed by the cops!" This time I knew it was Aaron.
"I know." I said.
"How -- how did you know?" asked Joey. "You were already out cold, bleeding, on the floor, after that other guy shot you!"
"I -- I - " My eyes popped open. "Omigosh! I saw them in the room!"
"You saw them -- what are you - "
"Walter -- that was the master guy -- and Marty."
I started to breath deeply. "Take it easy son. You're getting too fatigued. You must be hallucin - "
"No, Dad! It's coming back to me!" I said, breathlessly. I took a deep breath. "Okay, slow down a little Tony." I said aloud to myself. I breathed deep again. I kept my eyes closed. "Marty was the guy that I killed -- or who died trying to save me after he pushed me off the cliff. He was sent to get Walter and take him to the prison."
"Prison?" Said Aaron.
"The spirit prison. Aaron. Don't you ever listen in cemetery? (That's what the kids call their daily seminary classes at the church -- whether they like them or not.)
"Maybe we haven't done that part yet!" Said Aaron defensively.
"The spirit prison is where people go who have not been -- well -- not been good -- in this life -- after they die. It's where they wait -- to be judged." Dad said.
"Wow! And you saw them?" Asked Aaron.
"He was out of his mind, Levi." Said my mom. "He probably dreamed a lot of things."
"This was no dream, Mom. I wasn't out of my mind. I was out of my body. Wow. I just remembered that!"
"I think he's getting too tired, Jacob. Let's let him rest."
"Mom!" I said with emphasis. I took a deep sighing breath. "I know what I saw and did. I also saw Great-grandfather Giuseppe. And I never met him before. He was proud of me for wanting to come back. I could have gone with him. Mom -- Dad -- it was not a dream!" I paused. "But you're right about me being tired." I struggled to open my eyes. "I really want to stop talking."
"What can we do? We can't just go home to another island!" Said my mom.
I opened my eyes again and beckoned Mom to me. She came close. I whispered, "Mom. We were on our way to take Joe and Levi to PCC. Why don't you guys take them?"
I thought I was whispering quietly to my mom. Apparently I was telling the whole room. Mom looked at Dad. Dad turned up his hands. He looked at my brothers, who were both grinning.
"I don't want Tony to be alone all that time." Said Mom.
"I'll stay with him, Sister diMarco."
I didn't open my eyes, but I could not keep a relieved half-smile from spreading across my face.
I heard everyone file out of the room. There was no noise whatsoever. I felt too weak to open my eyes. "Ben?"
"I'm here." He said and was instantly by my side.
"Hold my hand." I whispered. He complied. His hand ever so gently picked mine up and he held it in both of his. "Will you -- stroke my head -- like you were doing before?"
"You -- you remember that?"
"Yeah. A lot is coming back."
"A lot?" He said, gently but I thought I heard some worry in it.
"A lot." I said. I raised our hands up to my leg and placed his hand on my inner thigh, then covered it with my own.
He whispered, "Oh - - my - - God!" , almost too low for me to hear it. I pressed his hand deeper into my skin, and pushed it higher. I could hear his ragged breath. I beckoned with my other had. He stood and bent over me, close to my face.
"Thanks -- for loving me - for everything."
Ben put his cheek gently next to my own. "I -- I - " he stammered. It's the first time I ever knew Ben Fisk to be speechless.
"I know Ben, I know." I whispered. I couldn't stop tears form flowing down my cheek and wetting his.
"I hear that Prince Charming woke up." Said the doctor. "Oh! Sorry!" he said when he saw Ben leaning over and kissing me. "So it was true loves first kiss that awakened him! Is he awake, then?"
"He's awake, but exhausted." Said Ben.
"I'll just ask a very few questions then we should both get out and let him sleep." Said the doctor.
"No!" I said with passion. "Please -- I want Ben to stay." Then I moaned because my head was throbbing.
"Still in a lot of pain are you?"
"M-hmm." I said.
"Well, now that you are amongst the living again I will up your pain meds. I'll have you set up for self delivery. When it hurts all you do is push a button and it will add some pain med to your tube. Are you hungry?" I shook my head no. "Well, we will have you up and exercising soon. That always makes `em hungry."
"M-kay." I said weakly.
"I'll check on you later, Handsome! Get some sleep if you need it. And - - let him sleep, Cuz."
"I'll be good." Answered Ben.
I heard the door hinges squeak, signaling the doc's exit. "Is he gone?" I asked.
"Yup."
My back was sore. I turned to my side. The room was dark. All I could see was a shadow sitting next to me. I closed my eyes, but reached out to Ben. I felt his warm, gentle touch as he took my hand. I felt tears running down my cheek. Not tears of sadness or even self pity. Just tears of total exhaustion and maybe -- a bit if emotional overload. I felt his other hand caressing my wet cheek.
"Get some sleep, Tony. I'll be here."
"Ben?"
"Yeah?"
"Kiss me."
He laid his lips on my cheek. With some effort, I moved my lips to his. I slowly sank back into my pillow, and he followed, getting up and hovering over me as he supported my neck and kissed me sweetly.
"Sleep, Tony." He whispered, as he resumed stroking my forehead. "I'm here if you need me."
I went to sleep with a sweet but fuzzy feeling. The pain medication was having its effect. It was mostly my temple that hurt, but I was feeling awfully hot and my body ached. But the pain was dulled by the meds. I hurt just enough that it was a constant reminder in my dreams that they WERE dreams.
I kept getting snips of conversations that were confusing. Talking to Walter and Marty. Seeing Fred and Rollie in close embraces. One flash showed them in a way that I think I cried out, "No!" I heard "Shh." I knew that Ben was still stroking my head, but continued to dream. I tried to make sense of it all.
I heard my family come back into the room, but was too groggy to care, and then I felt my mom's cool hand take over from Ben. It was only an echo I heard, "He feels hot."
"Shall I get the nurse?"
"Just go tell her that he's hot."
It was all mostly just words. I felt the light over my bed go on. My eyes remained closed and what was happening interrupted my dreams -- and became my dreams -- or my dreams became - - reality was like a dream or WAS a dream, I dunno. I felt something go into my ear. Somewhere deep inside it registered as a thermometer.
"106 - 1/2" Said a female voice. I felt the cover lift off me and then my mom's hand was replaced by a cool cloth of some kind. "This means his body is fighting some kind of infection. This should help until I can contact the doctor."
I tried to make sense of it but the words were just jumbled in my head. I guess she did contact the doctor. He had her add a stronger antibiotic to my intravenous drip. Somehow the light was off again without my notice.
"Ben?" I moaned.
"He went out to eat something with your brothers, Sweetheart."
I sank into oblivion. Bits and pieces seemed to float by me over and over. I felt myself shaking, heard someone say something about chills. Still the mental images flashed. Fred on top of Rollie was seared into my memory. It seemed like a bad dream, but also like something real -- like a snapshot that could not be denied.
"How is he? Is there anything I can do? My mother may be able to help." It came as an echo, but I knew he was there.
"Sister James is amazing." Said a voice that I assumed was Fred.
"Yeah, you know my mom is an Herbalist."
"I think in this case we should let the doctor - "
Something registered in the far reaches of my brain. I came out of my delirium enough to say, "NO! Sister James!"
"I'll get her!" I heard Rollie say, as I sank back into the fog.
"It worked before, Wendy." My dad's voice wafted into my brain.
"I think he's waking up!" I heard. With a struggle, my eyes fluttered open. Mom was hovering over me.
"Are you feeling better?" She asked.
"Oh -- well -- in relationship to what? I feel like I got run over by a freight train. But other than that -- I'm fine" I even managed a weak smile.
"You sarcasm speaks volumes!" Said my dad, coming in. "You must be feeling somewhat better. I told the nurse that he's awake."
"How -- how long was I out this time?"
"Three days. Your father and Rollie convinced me to let them smuggle some soup that Rollie's mother concocted."
"You mean you have been feeding me and I didn't even know it?"
"Well, between the three of us, we were able to accomplish it. At least you were able to swallow most of it. And -- we found out we didn't have to smuggle it in at all. The doctor is well acquainted with Sister James' remedies."
"Where is Ben?" I asked.
"He finally had to go back home to Maui. He was in danger of losing his job and getting far behind in his school work. But you kept asking for him -- when you were -- well -- delirious. I think it may have hurt Rollie's feelings. Aren't you going with Him?"
"That's kind of all changed. It's not officially over but -- it will be."
But Rollie was so -- um -- caring -- in getting his mom to help and - - all. So -- are you going with Ben now? He seems like a nice young man."
"Rollie and I will always be friends -- close friends. I'd do the same for him. And as far as Ben is concerned -- I don't know. I think I hope so. It's complicated and it's tiring to even think about it."
I said that to end the conversation. I could think of little else. Ben was with me -- all the time. He was the one to help bless me. He still wears his temple garments. So many confusing signals. While I was "away" I was able to put together what happened. But I need to get with my guys to make sure it was all real and not a crazy dream.
"Rollie is coming with some more soup in a couple hours. Do you two need some time to -- talk?"
"Um -- yeah, I guess that'd be good." I said and closed my eyes again. I felt more clear than any time in recent days. But I was also very easily tired out. The next thing I knew, there was a hand touching my shoulder gently. I opened my eyes and looked over at Rollie.
"I brought you some of Mom's soup. Your parents told me that you didn't even remember us force-feeding it to you in the last few days."
"What did you have to do?" I asked, smirking.
"Your dad and I held you up, and held your mouth open and your head up enough so the soup would not run out of your mouth -- which it of course did anyway."
"Was I fighting it?"
"No, but dead weight is about as bad."
"Yeah -- I suppose." Rollie ran the back of my bed up to sitting position, then opened the tub with the soup in it and started to ladle it into my mouth."
"So," I started. "Is Fred moving here or are you moving there?"
Rollie turned several shades of purple. (Dark skinned Hawaiians don't turn red!) "I -- no -- I mean -- what?"
"You two are made for each other."
"But -- what about - "
"Us?" I said. "It's okay, Ralls. I know about you and Fred. No -- really, it's okay."
"Look, I didn't want to burden you with this right now." He said.
"It's not a burden. It's weird, but I wasn't surprised -- or even hurt when I saw you two together."
"You SAW us together? When? What did you see?"
"Um -- well let's say that I saw you consummate your relationship with him -- in a way that we never did."
"How -- I mean - " He looked completely baffled and at a loss.
"Rollie -- I'll always love you -- just as I know you will always love me. But we both know that you are Fred's now."
"I didn't want it to end this way, Tony, I - " He looked in agony.
"I told you it's okay, Ralls. Look, just feed me my soup. I'm getting very tired trying to convince you that it's okay. But I do understand. <> I'll explain later how I knew and saw what I did."
I closed my eyes and drew in and let go a deep breath. After breathing several times, I opened up my eyes. Rollie was sitting there, looking bewildered and tears streaming down his face. I smiled. "I do love you Ralls." I said.
"I know. And I'll always love you." He ladled some more of the gross gruel into my mouth.
I don't remember eating the rest of the soup. The next thing I knew, I woke up and Mom was there.
"How long was I out this time?' I said, startling her.
"Oh! You're awake. Only a few hours. Rollie left, not looking too good. But he'll be back at dinner time.
"Good. I gotta pee." I said.
"You want the urine bottle?"
"No. I want to go to the bathroom. I just -- I -- um -- may need some help. Where's Dad?"
"He had to go back to work too. I'm afraid I'm the only one here."
"Okay. Just take my arm -- just in case."
I carefully swung my legs over the side of the bed. My feet were several inches from the floor. I eased myself down and when my feet hit the floor, my legs collapsed. My mom yelped, and the door swung open and hit my head -- on the bandage. I saw stares. I felt strong hands pick me up. As Rollie was trying to put me back on my bed, it happened.
My bladder let loose and completely soaked the front of both me and Rollie. "We'll probably laugh about this some day, Quipped Rollie. I started to giggle, but it made my head throb even more. Rollie just stood there and hugged me around the waist while I had no control over emptying my bladder completely on both of us. Hospital gowns are not very absorbent.
"What happened in here?" Asked a very concerned nurse.
"We sort of had an accident." Said Rollie.
"No -- I had the accident." I said. "But WE both paid for it!"
"Oh! The floor's all wet!" Said the nurse. Did someone spill some water.
"Yeah. We're both wet too -- and it's not water!" I said. She looked at me and saw that my hospital gown was wet and yellow in the front. Then she saw that Rollie was also wet down his front.
"There's another gown in that drawer. I'll call for someone to clean up this mess. Do you want a shower? You both look like you could use one. I'm afraid I don't have a change of clothes for you, sir."
"I don't think that Tony is strong enough to take a shower. He fell when he got up to go to the bathroom."
"I'm okay, Mom. It just surprised me that my legs were so weak. I know it now, and can be more careful."
"There is a shower down the hall. We don't normally have visitors in the shower, but under the circumstances -- um - "
"It's okay, I can wait `til I get home." Said Rollie.
"I don't think "Tony should be taking a shower by himself!" Said my mother.
"Then I'll help him. There is s seat in the shower -- right?"
"Yes. Lock the door, since there are two of you." She showed us to the shower and handed Rollie two towels.
We went in and locked the door. I sat and he carefully removed my hospital gown. I unzipped his shorts and he started to protest. "She gave us two towels." I reminded him.
He undressed the rest of the way, and I stood and hugged him, pressing his head to my chest. I held on to him under the shower as a way to steady myself and also to reassure him of my love. Nothing was said, but as we opened the towels, there were two gowns stuffed between them. (Are you allowed to give nurses tips?)
As I started to open the door, he said, "Tony -- I'm -- sorry."
"It's okay. Like I told you -- it's not a problem. You and Fred are meant for each other. Just and Ben and I are for each other."
"Really?" He said.
"I don't know if Ben knows it yet," I said, "but I'm going to tell him!"
"When are you going to tell me how you- "
"It's a long story and - - does it really matter? Maybe someday. I'm not sure you're ready to hear it and really - - I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it. Just know that I am okay with it. Okay?"
"O -- okay. Tony, I - "
"I told you it's okay." I said.
"No -- that's not -- I mean -- I wish I could tell you how I am feeling. I guess I am feeling like -- like -- I am just about the luckiest guy in the world. To have a guy that loves me so much -- as a friend -- as a brother -- and another who is my lover and -- I am just so - " He broke down and started weeping.
"Overwhelmed?" I said, smiling. He nodded. "I know!" I said. I love you too."
Rollie helped me back to bed and went home. I loaned him a pair of pants. He looked like a very cute Hawaiian nerd with his pant legs rolled up and the waist cinched up with his belt. I Called Ben.
"Tony? How are you?" He said almost too cautiously.
"I'm fine. Finer than I've been in a long time."
"Feeling that good, eh? That's great. So are you out of the hospital?"
"Oh no. I'm not feeling all that hot physically -- yet. But -- emotionally -- I'm on top of the world."
"Oh." He sounded pensive and I hoped I didn't hear any disappointment in his voice. "Well, I'm glad you're feeling -- um -- better at least in -- um -- that way."
"Yeah, it seems like I was able to sort out some really perplexing things."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Like -- well, I was so -- um -- blessed, I guess -- to have someone taking such good care of me those first days I was in the hospital."
"Well, I'm sure any mother would want to do the best she could for her boy."
"Oh yes, that's so - - Ben." I left it hanging as if out in the air.
"Um -- well -- that's fine."
"Yes, it was -- er is! My mom knew who loved me the most, Ben. She had a feeling about that. That's why she felt so comfortable about leaving me in your care."
"Well, I -- um -- huh?"
"Ben, I don't really want to go into all the reasons -- for certain changes. But first of all, I want to tell you -- that - - Rollie and I have broken up."
"Really?!!" He said excitedly then caught himself. "I mean, Really!" he said, this time more concerned. "What happened?"
"Can we skip that part? What I want you to know is that -- We are both perfectly okay with it and -- neither feels hurt."
"Wow -- that's -- um -- weird. I mean - "
"Why's that?"
Well -- I mean -- Fred and I -- we -- um -- broke up too. Well, actually he broke up with me. And -- but -- I mean -- I guess I wasn't too surprised. I kind of saw it coming."
"I know."
"You know? How - "
"Ben -- can you come back -- maybe next weekend -- the first time you can get some time off? I really need -- I mean WANT to -- talk to you -- in person. Maybe by then I can get a few things together for myself and be able to explain -- at least somewhat -- about how I am and -- why I am feeling so good."
"Oh -- erm -- well -- I guess so -- that is -- if you want me to come - "
"I want you to come -- very much -- Ben."
"Well, then I of course will come -- on Friday -- is that too soon?"
"The sooner the better, Ben. I want to see you - and Ben?"
"Yeah?"
"Before I hang up I want to tell you something. I don't want you to answer -- immediately, but -- just -- think about it - - okay?"
"I -- guess -- well, Sure! Of course, whatever will help you get things straight in your - "
"Ben -- you're the reason I am so -- um -- fine -- with things as they have turned out."
"OH! You mean -- oh -- never mind -- um yeah -- well, that'll give me a lot to think about, Tony. I may be a little sleepy when I arrive. I doubt after what you've said," his voice broke and he took a moment to gather himself. "I'll probably lose some sleep over that. THANKS A LOT!" He chuckled.
"Well, I've already said too much. I want to tell you the rest when I see you."
"I think I understand, Tony. I hope I understand."
"Let me help you with that: I love you, Ben."
"I was -- hoping you -- I mean -- yeah., me too, I mean -- yeah! I love you too - Tony!"
"See you Friday!"
"Bye!"
We both turned off our phones as happy boys!
Notes. No -- this isn't quite the end ... Comments are encouraged! Thanks and ... Love, Steve stevethomas535@hotmail.com