Dilemma For Tony

Dilemma for Tony This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY! Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!(CA) Ben Hastings -- First love(Maui) Ben Fisk -- (+4 years)Lucas diMarco -- my dadWendy diMarco -- my mom.Joseph -- my Brother -- 17Levi -- my brother - 15Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary

Ashton Staedler -- New friend

Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother

Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend

Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator (+2)

Grandpa Antonio DiMarco

Grandma Rose From Ch. 24:

"You almost made it."

I looked and there was Marty -- right beside me at the ceiling. I stared at him.

"You mean -- this isn't a dream?"

Chapter 25

"Dream?" Said Marty. "Sometimes it seems so."

Marty seemed to me at first like he wasn't all that bothered that he had recently tried to kill me. But then it occurred to me -- it didn't really bother me that much either.

"Oh Crap!" I said. You mean I'm -- wait -- how can I be dead. My body is still breathing down there.

"Yeah, it's kinda like that. You know like when you cut off the head of a chicken and it keeps running around?"

I wondered what Marty was on about but I heard what seemed like a minor disturbance down below. I looked down and police had rushed into the room, with my other brother, Joey. I felt a huge surge of love for him and then I saw Aaron again. I was being drawn back to their presence from Marty.

"Don't go!" said Marty. I turned to see him reaching out to me when I heard a shot. I looked down and saw Walter fall to the ground. "Man is he gonna be disappointed." Said Marty, shaking his head. "He thinks he's Jesus."

"Didn't you?" I asked.

"Naw. It's weird now, but I thought what he was doing was cool in some way."

"You!" said a third person. "I thought you were dead!"

"Been waiting for you, Walter." Said Marty. "Oh -- and - - I AM dead."

"WHAT?" If you're dead then -- what the -- oh! YOU!" He noticed me there.

"We have to go, Walter."

"Where?" Asked Walter.

"They call it a prison -- I don't quite understand. They let me come here only to take you back with me."

"Wha -- WHAT??! APrison??"

"Yeah, but it's not like any prison I've ever seen. It's pretty nice and everyone there is pretty nice too. They seem to be mostly always teaching everyone stuff. C'mon, we gotta go."

They just seemed to float out of the room. I got the idea I could follow if I wanted, but I was more interested in what was happening down below.

What was strange to me was that I could see and hear everything, but seemed to be detached somehow. It seemed to be happening in slow motion and fast forward all at once. Joey was feeling my chest, and Aaron was crying. Some paramedics came in and strapped me to a board, and hooked up breathing apparatus -- and I guess some kind of heart monitor to me. Whether or not it regulated my heart I don't know.

What I do know is that I wasn't at all worried. The paramedics pushed me in to the ambulance and helped my brother's in beside me. Away from the place where I was taken by Chester, I seemed to be able to pay more attention to what was going on.

I looked curiously at the red-stained bandaged on my temple. There was no such bandage on the other side, so I guess I knew that the bullet was still inside my head. As I was considering this, I was all the while aware of my brothers' conversation:

"I should never have let him go to the bathroom by himself, Joe-Joe!" Cried my little brother.

"Now that's just silly, Aaron!" Said his 3-years-older brother. You can't be his constant companion, Bro!" Joey's arm was around Aaron's shoulder.

"Is he still breathing?" Asked Aaron, putting his face close to my mouth and nose.

"He seems to be stable enough." Said the young paramedic, whose attention was split between my brothers' conversation and watching the monitors. "His heart and his lungs seem to be strong. He must be in pretty good physical condition."

"He's a biker -- you know -- mountain bikes?" Said Joey. Do you have any idea how deep the - "

"We won't know until we get to an ultrasound how deep or where the bullet is, Kid. I get that you are his brothers?"

"Yeah."

"How -- I mean -- how was it that you were there -- with the police? "

"I CALLED them." Said Joey. "Both Aaron here and I have been taught to trail someone in Boy Scouts." The police were close by when I called.

"Boy Scouts? Are you LDS? Aw, I know it's a stretch, but most guys I know who are Boy Scouts -- hey! Are you Eagle Scouts?"

"Yeah." Both my brothers said proudly.

"Cool! Me too."

"Um -- are you LDS?" Asked Aaron shyly.

"Yeah. But I kinda don't do it much any more. Do you think you brother wants a blessing?"

"I called my dad. He's flying over from Maui and will be there probably soon after we get to the hospital."

I was getting bored listening to them chat as if I was not in the vehicle with them. So -- I left. It was almost like I only had to think of Rollie and I was at his work.

"Rollie!" I tried to say, forgetting that he couldn't see me. He shook his head and looked around.

"Omigosh!" Said Rollie.

"What?" Said his co-worker.

"I just got a sharp pain deep in my head and I thought -- but -- no it couldn't be."

"Hey, man - you've had a hard day what with your friend getting abducted -- again. Why did you even come in?"

"I couldn't stand being home alone any longer. I practiced diving and swam laps until I was dizzy."

"You were home alone?"

"Well, not exactly alone. My diving buddy and his -- partner -- were there. But I just needed to get away."

"Wow. So, have you had enough by now?"

I -- think -- maybe."

"Then just go. Nothin's happenin' here anyway."

"<<Sigh!>> yeah. Guess you're right. Oh, my phone! Hello? Yeah? Joseph! Uh-huh. You did?!! Great and -- what? NOOOooo! I'll be there as soon as -- I'll -- be -- there!"

"He's been shot -- in the head!" Said Rollie. "I gotta go -- go -- go -- to the -- hospital!" Rollie was crying now.

"Rollie stop!" Said his friend. "I'll take you to the hospital. You shouldn't be driving in that shape." Rollie nodded.

Rollie called Fred and told him and they said they would be there too.

We pulled into the emergency entrance to the hospital. They rushed my unconscious body in to the room that I am all too familiar with. Mom and Dad were not there yet, and they would not allow anyone else in the room with the doctors and nurses. They did an ultrasound.

"Well, buddy," Said the doctor -- the same one who helped me before, "You seem to have a penchant for being in the wrong place at the wrong time doncha?"

I noticed something interesting. I actually noticed it before, but could not put into thought what it was. I could feel what the doctor was feeling. I felt it with Aaron and Joey and also with Marty and Walter. With Marty I felt ambivalence. With Walter, he felt confused. I really think he even deluded himself into thinking he was something special. The doctor -- it made me feel like crying. As he talked to me, thinking I could not hear, I guess, I felt such deep compassion and -- love -- for me.

"The bullet is lodged between the brain and the optic nerve." Said the doc.

"Oh that poor kid!" said the nurse.

"We'll need to take him upstairs. I want the chief's input on this one."

Again my mind (hm! I wondered if a spirit has a mind?) wandered. I felt myself pulled to the waiting room.

"Your -- friend -- has been taken upstairs to the main surgery unit. The two doctors operating are our best." The nurse was explaining to Rollie and the others. "You may go up there to wait if you like. It's a lot quieter than down here.

She told them how to get to the main surgery waiting room. I floated back to my body. A male nurse was shaving my head. When he was finished, the two doctors came in, dressed in scrubs.

"Oh! Did I tell you that I was naked? No, not my physical body. But my spirit was naked. As were Marty and Walter. Our spiritual bodies looked like our more physical bodies -- except better. I said "more" physical because these were physical too, but much finer -- or something.

I decidedly didn't want to watch the doctors cutting into my brain, so I left again. I went to the waiting room. Mom and Dad had arrived. She was of course crying and that got Aaron going again. Joey was holding Aaron and Dad was holding Mom. Fred was holding Rollie and - - Ben was sitting all alone. I went close to Rollie. He was feeling very bad. He was sad, but was relieved that Fred was there to help him through this.

Fred also felt badly. I could almost see love as it poured forth to Rollie. It was like an iridescent gas. I didn't know that he could feel that much love -- pass it to Rollie and still retain it within himself.

I turned again to Ben. No one was with him -- or even noticed him, sitting alone. His head were propped on his hands, that were in turn propped up by his elbows on his knees. There was a dark spot on the floor, where his tears were dropping. I felt like energy was leaving me and something almost tangible went from me into him. He moved and sat back against the chair cushion, his head and neck flung back onto the cushion. He smiled and the tears kept coming. I knew he could feel my energy -- though he didn't know what it was.

Here was the first thing that bothered me: I felt more emotion and empathy from Ben than any of the others -- including Rollie. Maybe that was because he was alone and his feelings were more intense. I saw his mouth moving. I couldn't hear what he was saying. I assumed he was praying. I got closer and let me spirit get very still.

"Oh -- I know it's silly," He said, "But I feel like you are right here with me -- well, maybe us -- Tony. If you are, I wish you would go back to your body! God, I love you, Tony!"

He leaned forward into his hands again and the tears started to stain the floor again.

I went back to my family and they were just staring mostly. Waiting for word from the doctor, drained emotionally. I glanced over to Rollie and he and Fred were both asleep -- Rollie's head on Fred's chest and Fred's cheek resting on Rollie's head.

The doctor appeared.

"Mr. and Mrs. diMarco?"

Mom and dad quickly followed the doctor into a secluded hall. Mom started to cry, at the look on the doctor's face. The doctor looked down first then into my mother's face. "We were able to remove the bullet with no obvious trauma to his brain or the optic nerve." Mom almost collapsed when he said that. Dad held her up.

"But I'm afraid I don't have very good news." Continued the doctor. "He is breathing fine -- on the ventilator. And the heart machine is still operable. Whether he could be self sustaining without these machines is questionable."

He waited a moment to let that sink in.

"But the most disappointing thing is his brain activity." He waited until they were both looking at him. "Mr. and Mrs. diMarco, there is negligible brain activity."

"What does that mean, Doctor?" Mom said.

"Well, even in a coma most people have some brain activity."

"Oh no!"

"He may or may not be life sustainable if let alone to support himself. Do you have any feelings about keeping him alive artificially?"

As soon as I heard this I felt like running, but rather shot like a rubber band though the walls and into my body. The monitor next to me started to go crazy. I came back to where my parents and the doctor were. A nurse poked her head out of a door. "Doctor -- there seems to all of a sudden be brain activity. And -- he sat up!"

"He sat up?!!" Said the doctor. "What the - - did he say anything?"

"He only sat up and looked at me -- scared the hell outa me -- sorry folks - and then lay back down. That's when I saw the brain scan monitor going crazy."

"Do I have to tell you that we want him kept alive for -- for -- the time being?" My dad said.

"I'd not have it any other way." He said . "There is new hope!"

"Um - " my dad started. "Can one of you boys help me give Tony a blessing?"

I felt so many conflicting feelings coming from my friends! I guess because I felt so connected to each of them. I could not hear what they were thinking but the feelings were unmistakable. Rollie was feeling sorrow and guilt and regret. He had never received the priesthood to be able to assist with a blessing.

Fred was pretty much the same -- except he had received it and then was excommunicated when he messed up right before he was to leave for his mission.

I again could not hear any of their thoughts, but I could read exactly what was going on in Ben's head. I could feel his emotions and feelings. He had the regret also, as Fred did, that he was probably not honoring his priesthood. He looked very confused -- or maybe it was torn -- as to what to do or say. I could only project my own feelings to be able to guess what his thoughts might have been.

Having been on a mission myself and having given many blessings, I would feel qualified in that way, but I would have questions as to my worthiness -- having been involved with extra-marital sexual relationships. I know that the blessing would still be good -- but it may take something away from me -- or more to the point, Ben -- if he participated in the blessing.

Ben bowed his head and said, "I can do it, Brother diMarco." I felt relief drain out of him, having made the hard decision.

The doctor led all of them to the room, and my dad asked Ben to anoint me with the consecrated oil that he had brought for the ordinance. I watched as he dropped some oil on my head and then bowed his head and mixed tears with the oil, as he called me by name and anointed me to be healed, based on my own faith and those in the room.

Based on my faith ... he said. Did he KNOW I was there listening?

My dad followed up, as the two of them placed trembling hands on my head ever so gently. My dad commanded me to receive the healing power that Christ has for us, among other things, and closed in Jesus' name.

All looked at one another. My eyes were the only dry ones in the room -- because -- obviously -- I had no body at the time to make tears!

I again felt an outpouring of emotion from all of the others in the room -- even the doctor was touched. "Thank you sir." Said Rollie. I watched as Mom was stroking my head.

"You are welcome to stay as long as you like. I don't recommend it, as these things usually take extended periods to resolve themselves in the body -- even in the best of cases."

Mom and Dad and my brothers were all holding hands, not moving. "Um -- we'll give you folks some space with your family." Said Rollie, and he, with Fred in tow, left the room, hand in hand. They were followed by Ben, and I felt a strong reluctance on his part - - to leave.

Rollie seemed well consoled with Fred. I felt impressed to stay with Ben. His arm crossed over his chest and his hand embraced his own shoulder, as if he needed a hug. I stood next to him and hugged him. I felt his warmth -- whether it was real or imaginary. But I also felt his spirit seem to relax while I did it.

"I -- probably should get back to work." Said Rollie. "Do you have to go too, Fred?"

"I can take some time off, Ralls. I don't think I want you to be alone right now. I would appreciate just to collapse in bed awhile."

"I don't want to be alone!" Said Rollie. "How about you, Ben? What do you want to do?"

"You guys go ahead. I want to just hang out for a bit. I'll be back later." Said Ben. Rollie and Fred left together.

I went back to the room that they put my body in and my family were still standing, holding hands. Mom said, "You boys must be awfully hungry." She turned to Dad. "Lucas, why don't you take the boys somewhere to eat? I'll stay here with Tony. I don't want him to be alone -- in case he wakes up or - "

"He's not going to wake up this soon, Wendy." Said Dad. "The doctor said - "

"I don't care what the doctor said. Doctors don't know everything! Just take the boys to eat."

"I'll be glad to stay here with him, Mrs. diMarco. You go with your family." Said Ben, walking into the room."

Mom looked dubious, but dad offered his hand and she demurred, as they slowly walked out of the room. Mom kept looking back as they walked toward the elevator. Ben watched them and as soon as they were on the elevator and the door was shut, he came into my room and shut the door.

"I dunno of you can hear me Tony diMarco, but I have to tell you that I didn't realize how much I loved you until your dad asked me to anoint you and stand in on the blessing."

He pulled a chair up to my bed and laid his hand on mine. "Tony, I wish we could both get over our guilt and -- know for sure -- if what we are -- um -- doing -- is okay. Tony, I felt as if Jesus was in the room with me as I anointed you and as your dad pronounced the blessing on you. And the thing that amazed me was -- while I was feeling that, I felt no condemnation coming from him -- at all. As your father said the prayer -- the blessing -- I felt no condemnation.

"And Tony, if you can hear me, I hope you understand under what context I say these things."

I assumed that he said that to justify what he had said about loving me, but at the same time, I felt such a surge of love as I cannot describe it. If he was trying to keep that from me, he didn't understand -- as I do now -- the power of spirit-to-spirit communication. I felt an emotion welling up inside my spirit. I looked as my body moved slightly and moaned as if in answer to Ben's words. Ben laid his head on my body's arm. I felt loved and - - my body sighed.

Feeling that my body was safe there with Ben, I thought about Rollie, and was instantly with him. He was on the phone. "No- I'm coming in, Rog. There's nothing I can do for him and I need to do something to keep me busy." Rollie was saying to his friend at work.

"No way, dude! Just rest or -- are your other friends there? I know that the three of you can find something constructive to do. Maybe go give his family a break. I know that mothers don't like leaving son's alone in cases like this."

"I -- guess. Well, thanks, Roger. But tomorrow I'm coming in!"

He hung up the phone and almost collapsed on the couch next to Fred. Fred pulled Rollie's head over to his chest. "Try to relax, Ralls. His folks will call if there's any change"

"I just feel so weak and -- impotent!" Said Rollie, and he broke down. Fred pulled him closer.

"Shhh -- it's gonna be okay. I was sure I felt Tony in the room with us at the hospital." Said Fred.

"Well, - um -- he WAS in the room with us!"

"I don't mean his body. I felt something else. It was like -- well, you know how some people think they can feel Jesus' presence? I kind of doubt that. I believe he has more important work to do than attending each person in a coma. But what if -- what if -- if -- maybe Tony's spirit was there watching us. And if he was, maybe that's what I felt. Maybe that's what people feel."

"Um -- you felt that too?" Sniffed Rollie.

"I think that could have been what I felt."

"Oh, whatever it was, I just want it to be over!" Cried Rollie. Fred pulled Rollie completely on top of him and hugged him close. Rollie relaxed and let his body melt into Fred's. I thought it was curious that I didn't feel any jealousy -- at all. After all, Fred and Rollie were just good friends. They had so much in common! It's no wonder they feel comfortable in that position.

I went back to the hospital. I was kind of getting off on this instant travel mode. All I had to do was think about a place -- or person -- and I was there.

My body was lying still again and my family were all there again. I wondered where Ben went.

Okay -- if this continues for any length of time, I'm gonna need to control it - - somehow. As soon as I thought about Ben, I was with him. He was walking out of the Hospital. He looked directly at a cab that was passing, but only started to walk. I walked next to him. I wished I could hear his thoughts. He sat on a bus stop bench. He lowered his head and said another prayer -- for me.

"I love this boy, heavenly Father -- whether that's good or bad -- I don't know. I only know it's so. We have so much in common, and yet -- he belongs to Rollie. Help me to accept that fact. Tony has never felt what I feel for him. Father I really do accept whatever is best but -- sometimes -- it's just hard. Well, anyway -- I say this in Jesus' name -- amen."

I felt like a bit of a voyeur eavesdropping on his prayer. But worse than that, I felt badly that I could not return his love. He got up and started to walk some more. Before I knew it, we were at Rollie's house.

Ben didn't knock, but walked in and saw Rollie, still on top of Fred on the couch. He didn't seem to mind.

"I'm going in to lie down for awhile." Said Ben.

I followed Ben to his room. I was surprise to see that -- when he removed his clothes, he was still wearing his temple garments. I felt a deep longing for my own. He lay down on the bottom bed. I lay down next to him. I went to get closer and didn't notice that I slipped right in line with Ben's body. I don't think I slipped in to it. At least it didn't feel like I thought it should. But all of a sudden I seemed to feel him thinking.

"Is that you Tony?" He thought.

"Yes - - YES! It's me!" I said.

He didn't stir. But again I heard or -- felt maybe -- his thought. "Well, anyway, it feels like you are here. I think probably Fred will be sleeping with Rollie again tonight. Maybe you can stay here with me. It feels warm and -- I somehow feel loved."

I rolled over and was again beside him. I could no longer feel his thoughts. But now he whispered. "If you're here, Tony, I hope you'll stay."

After a time, Fred came in and laid his hand on Ben's arm. Ben looked up and said, "You'r gonna sleep with Rollie again?"

"Yeah -- if that's okay with you. You could join us -- if you wanted."

"I'll stay here. Thanks anyway."

"Okay. Thanks! You're a pal!"

Just a pal? What ever happened to "I love you". I thought.

I followed Fred. He went back to the couch and knelt down next to Rollie, saying gently in his ear, "C'mon, Ralls. I told Ben." He took Rollie's hand and pulled him up, and they went to the bedroom. They undressed and got into the bed together. Then Fred got up and locked the door.

"G'night my sweet Ralls." Said Fred. And Fred kissed Rollie's cheek. Rollie turned to face Fred and kissed him on the mouth. Fred kissed him back, passionately. "Rollie, I don't - "

"I need this Fred -- more than you can know."

I wanted to leave, but I could not. I watched as they let one thing then the next take control of them and they ended with Fred making love to Rollie. Again, I felt a mix of elation and guilt coming from them, as they accomplished what Rollie and I still have not accomplished. And I still felt strangely disconnected from this action, and wondered what Ben might think or feel.

Of course when I thought about Ben, I was with him. He was sobbing silently into his pillow. I wondered if that was because I left him alone. As soon as I lay next to him, he stopped. I didn't like everyone feeling such pain, (Well, maybe everyone except Fred and Rollie -- and I didn't blame them). But I thought about my family. I felt like I was being dragged away from Ben, so I concentrated on him. I stayed.

I waited until he was well asleep and then thought about my mom, and was immediately taken to her. She was sleeping with my brothers in the waiting room. Dad was not there. As soon as I noticed him missing, I was with him -- next to my bed. I was sleeping seemingly peacefully.

Dad was also sleeping. They had brought in a special chair that made out flat into a small bed. With everyone asleep, I was the only one awake. As soon as I was aware of this, I was aware of something else. There was someone else in the room with me and dad. Somehow -- though I never was aware of this presence before, I just knew it was there all along. I tuned and looked and it was an old man.

"You've had a lot to consider, haven't you?" He asked.

I -- I guess." I said.

In answer to my unasked question, he said, "I am your Great-grandfather Giuseppe. I was sent here to console you, but it seems that you don't much need consolation." I instinctively hugged him.

As we were both disembodied spirits, it was different than the feel of two bodies. And yet I could feel him more than I could anyone else -- with bodies. And his hug felt incredibly good. Like it was something that I could look forward to someday.

He was speaking Italian. I never learned Italian! Yet I could understand him perfectly.

"You may come with me, if you wish." Said Great-grandfather.

"Where to?" I said. "I may as well go somewhere. Everyone here is asleep."

"You misunderstand. If you come with me, your corruptible body cannot live."

I pointed at my body. "You mean -- I will die?"

"You will never die. If you come with me, you will never feel more alive."

"But I will miss my family and - - my friends."

"You will forget the pain easily."

"But -- they won't."

"That is true. If they understood, they wouldn't find it so hard. Do you want to come?"

"I -- oh! Um -- Yes!" I said. Great-grandfather looked surprised.

"But I won't -- just yet. Maybe in 40 or 50 years!" I smiled. Great-grandfather smiled his approval.

"That is all I'm allowed to offer. I must go now."

"Wait!" I pleaded. "I have so many questions! Do you know Jesus? How does he feel about - "

"I'm not allowed tell you more. I want to but - "

And he was gone. I felt a deep emptiness for a moment -- or maybe it was longer. I don't know. What I do know is that I was drawn to my body and it felt right. I lay down in it and this time I felt like I was back to stay. I could hear the monitor clicking and buzzing. Dad woke up and a nurse came rushing in.

"Is everything okay in here." She asked. "His brain activity just soared, and also his heart and lungs had elevated levels."

I tried to tell them. "Of course they are! I'm back!" but I couldn't move my mouth or anything. Then I noticed it. Pain. Intense pain. More intense than I've ever felt. My head seemed to be in a constant silent explosion. I heard myself moan.

"Okay, that tells me he needs some of this." I couldn't see anything any more, but I heard Dad say, "Is that the pain meds?"

"Yes. The doctor will be happy that he's needing it."

I waited long enough that my hopes of relief from this intense pain in my head was dashed. Then it started. The pain was dulled somewhat. I heard myself moan again. After a time, I guessed my dad pushed the call button. "Does he need some more med, Nurse?" My dad asked. Hr's moaning again.

"Not until the doctor get's here."

I wanted to sigh, but my body didn't seem to care what I wanted. I can put up with this pain, I decided. Sometime, I think I fell asleep. It was as if everything that happened to me -- from the first shock of the bullet into my brain to Great-grandfather disappearing -- went through my head several times -- like a recurring dream. Then he came again. "All this you may remember." Then he left.

I was still in pain, but at least it wasn't like it was before. I felt groggy.

"This is Dr. Walters. Your doctor got a severe case of the flue -- probably from a patient. We all have gotten flu shots, but they can't cover all types.

What's happening with the patient?" Asked Dr. Walters.

"He seems to be responding to pain at least. This started early this morning." Said the nurse.

"Let me look at his chart." He said and I heard pages being flipped. "This is good news. Well, just make him as comfortable as possible. Keep a close eye on the brain activity. We don't want the meds to slow down his metabolism or recovery."

I heard a door knock. "What's going on? Is there some change?" I heard my mother ask.

"The doctor says this is very positive. He seems to feel pain now."

"Oh1 Just what a mother wants to hear! Oh my poor baby!" I immediately felt the soothing warmth of my mother's hand on my forehead. She was stroking it, and I could tell, being careful about putting any pressure on my bandages.

"You go take the boys to breakfast, Jacob. I'll stay here. My boy needs his mother when he's in pain -- even if he doesn't know it."

It grew silent. I guessed that my dad left and my mom was here, alone with me. After a time, I heard another knock. "Oh, Rollie!" said Mom.

"No, I'm Ben." Came the voice that I didn't realize I was hoping to hear. "How's Tony?"

"They say he's better. He feels pain now."

"Oh -- wow! Just what a mother wants to hear." Said Ben.

"That's what I said." Mom answered. "But I guess his vital signs are all better, so we have more hope than yesterday. Would you like to sit with him again? I really need to find Jacob."

"No problem. That's why I came." Said Ben.

I heard Mom leave then she came back. "He seems to like being stroked on his head. Be careful the bandaged area though."

"Okay, Sister diMarco. I'll be gentle."

Mom left. Ben started to stroke my head and at the same time put his hand on my thigh. I felt every touch, every sensation. As he caressed my head, he talked: "I have heard that some people in a coma can hear when you talk to them." He started. As he talked about things that were going on, he unconsciously began to also stroke my thigh. I felt myself start to react to this stimulation. I was a little freaked out but could not do anything about it. This was when I learned how to escape.

"Oh! Geez, Tony, I didn't mean to -- well, I guess at least some of my communication is getting to you. Or maybe you can't hear me at all and your wood is just a physical reaction. Sorry if it embarrassed you."

I loved that Ben was at least talking to me as if he thinks I hear him. If I could talk, I'd tell him to do more than rub my leg! I felt guilty about that. I HAD to go somewhere else. I thought about what Rollie might think if he saw Ben stroking my leg and suddenly I was with Rollie.

Which may have been better if he had not been all wrapped up with Fred's body. I still found it strange that I wasn't particularly bothered by that. They were not doing anything more than cuddling at this time. I knew that Fred was trying to console Rollie. Or at least assumed that. Then Fred spoke.

"But Ralls -- you and I have so much in common! I've never felt so close to anyone in my life."

Then, as I grew more accustomed to the ambiance of the bedroom, I could feel it again. Or I should say -- them -- again. I could feel their emotions again. Was I imagining the purple haze that surrounded Fred? He was feeling extremely passionate -- the kind of passionate that I knew. The kind of passionate that goes away when the moment of passion is either gone or -- satisfied.

Rollie's glow was more brown. And I could feel passion about him too, but it was mixed with confusion. Just as I recognized Fred's lustful passion, I felt Rollie's confusion and his desire to give in and succumb to the passion. "GO FOR IT, ROLLIE!!" I screamed out, even shocking myself. I think I was initially hoping that I might have an excuse for what I had done with Ben just before I came over here to Oahu. But another part of me was listening to Fred. He was making good sense. He and Rollie were SO much alike and have much more in common than Rollie and I do. And come to think of it, I have much more in common with Ben. If only we can get over the guilt thing. That's easier with Rollie - - because he doesn't mirror it back to me. When I screamed to him, he seemed to jump -- but almost imperceptibly. He at once relaxed and melted into Fred's body even more. Now I felt like a voyeur! I didn't feel like witnessing anything else.

"Ben!" I thought and for the first time, I instantly transported myself, on purpose -- back to the hospital room. Ben was still there, still talking to me. I floated above my body for some time, and the monitors next to me were like drones. As I watched, I could not feel Ben's strokes. I wanted that. So I lay back down on my body and instantly everything that Ben had said to me while I was gone -- came to me. I guess my physical brain was still gathering the info even though it was not quickened by my spirit. And the monitors started to beep and buzz. A nurse came in to see what was going on.

"Is everything okay in here?" She asked. "The monitors - "

"Yes, I heard them." Said Ben. "Maybe he was reacting to something I said. I have been talking to him."

"Well, whatever you are doing, keep it up. He seems to be responding well to it."

While in my body, laying with my eyes closed I could only guess that the nurse left. I thought as focused as I knew how -- "Ben! Stroke my Dick!"

I felt Bens hand suddenly jerk away from my leg. "That's ridiculous!" He said to himself. "It can't be. It must be that I want to so bad!" He said.

He was talking to himself, but it was aloud and -- I knew exactly what he was talking about. He never touched my leg again. Part of me was disappointed. Another part of me was relieved. But the strongest feeling I had was one of love -- for Ben! I wondered if I would remember all this when I woke up.

Mom and Dad and both my brothers came into the room. "We brought you some dinner, dear. All they had in the hospital cafeteria -- a cold turkey on rye sandwich."

"Oh, Thank you Sister diMarco! I LOVE turkey on rye!" said Ben.

"And thank you ever so much for taking such loving care of our boy while we were out."

"Oh that was not any problem -- I DO love him." He said then he said, "I mean -- er -- that is -- I - "

"That's obvious. I could see the way you were stroking his head when we came in." Said my mom. "Oh my sweet Tony, will you please wake up? Can you?" I felt her hand -- colder from being outside maybe -- on my forehead. "Do you even know who I am, my sweet Antonio?"

Notes: Well, at least Tony knows that he will eventually wake up. It seems that he has also learned some other things while he was "out", didn't he? But will he remember them? Comments as always are welcome -- to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and -- love, Steve