This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!
(CA) Ben Hastings -- First love
(Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years)
Lucas diMarco -- my dad
Wendy diMarco -- my mom.
Joseph -- my Brother -- 17
Levi -- my brother - 15
Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.
Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary
Ashton Staedler -- New friend
Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother
Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend
Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator
Grandpa Antonio DiMarco
Grandma Rose
From Ch. 14:
He then lifted me up and looked into my eyes, tears still running down his face. "These aren't bad tears, Haoli. I just had no other way to express my -- emotion." He said, shuddering. He lifted me up and lay his face on my chest. "What -- what -- what can I do for you -- now -- Tony? Whatever it is -- it's not enough. That was incredible."
"I don't need anything -- at the moment." I said. "I'm completely satisfied." He pulled me even tighter into him, grabbing my butt and hugging it -- and me.
"If they don't have this in heaven -- I don't wanna go there." He said dreamily. "I just can't believe that you -- don't want anything."
Chapter 14
We went to my Nana's for breakfast again. "How long are you here for, Fred?" Grampa asked.
"I should be getting back tomorrow." He said. "Tonight we'll be with Tim and his uncle, and in the afternoon, I guess I better fly back. What I wanna know is -- how long do YOU plan to be here -- Tony?"
"Well, I have to be here a year to establish residency -- if I want to go to school.. So - "
"What??!!" Fred said. "I -- didn't -- What? a year!! Or more??" This time he couldn't hide his dismay from my grandparents.
Grampa looked between me and Fred. He could see my own discomfort and probably even my own chagrin and confusion about my own feelings.
"Well, Fred, I think this one you just have to submit to Tony's decision."
"Antonio! You shouldn't - " my Nana started.
"These boys are big boys, but they still are obviously deeply disturbed over this. And Tony -- you don't need to feel like what you have done -- coming here -- cannot be reversed. If you wish you hadn't come -- then don't let pride keep you from doing what you really want. Boys -- we know you are gay -- and we know that both of you feels very -- um -- infatuated with the other. And there is nothing that says that this infatuation can't turn into something more. But at your age, I just don't think - "
"I'm 32." Said Fred quietly.
"Oh!" Said Grampa. "Well, still, we're well over 60 and we know what love really is. And I'm not saying that what you have isn't real love. Only that you both have some decisions to make."
"Yeah." We both responded without looking up.
"I really do have to get back tomorrow night." Said Fred.
"Neither of you needs to -- or even should -- decide immediately. Time will help you decide." He paused for a moment then said, "What do you have planned for today?"
Already feeling guilty about living at the expense of my grandparents -- and with my head up my ass, I said, "I really should think about looking for a job -- shouldn't I?"
"Tony -- I think you can spend one more day with your friend!" Said Grampa.
This time we drove south. It was 3 hours to San Diego. Fred had been to the zoo there before and wanted to go again. There was also a wild animal park there -- like you were in the middle of Africa somewhere.
We came home late afternoon, tired but not exhausted. We went to Fred's room and just crashed -- on separate beds -- for a couple hours. We were awakened by the phone. "Hello? Oh, yeah -- hi Tim. Uh huh? Okay well wait." He put his phone on mute. "Tony, my cell phone's almost dead. Can we give them yours so they can call when they are free?"
I gave permission to tell my number. Fred hung up and we both stretched. We were both fully clothed, but Fred then came over and started to unbutton my shirt. :"Yah gotta get this thing off."
"I'm comfortable." I said.
"I meant you gotta take it off for me!
"Oh! Okay!.
I started to take it off and he jumped over and said, "Let me!"
With my shirt off, He stripped his own off and lay next to me. With shirts off, I could feel his heat without him as much as touching me. We were both lying face-up, with our hands behind our heads.
"Do you see yourself -- someday -- staying with one guy?" He asked me. I knew he was fishing.
"I think so. I mean -- I never saw myself as alone all my life."
"I get that vision - - or feeling - - sometimes -- that I might be alone. Tony -- it scares the hell outa me! I don't want to be alone."
"You're not gonna be alone, Fred!" I objected. "You're - "
"I'm thirty-two fucking years old, Haoli!" He said, facing me, now one arm and hand supporting his face. He saw my brows go up. "Sorry, Tony. It's just frustrating! I - "
"Fred, just stop!" I said mirroring his position. "You're in much better shape than most 19-year-olds I know. In your case, age means nothing! NOTHING, Fred!" I peered deeply into his eyes, to try to communicate the passion I felt about what I said.
He broke our eye contact and almost threw himself back on his back. "Tony -- you -- I mean -- I think -- you -- you -- have to live in my skin for ten years to know how I feel."
That stopped me. I turned onto my back again and let my eyes de-focus, as I thought about what he said. "Yeah -- I can -- kind of -- understand." I said.
"No - - you CAN'T!" he said with maybe more emphasis than he planned. My head jerked to the side and I looked into almost wild eyes. Then they softened. "Sorry, Haoli. It's just -- just so - "
"Frustrating?" I said. He nodded silently. "What I meant was -- I know how frustrating I have gotten in the last few weeks and even -- months. I really can't imagine how I could even stand it for 12 years."
"12 years? Yeah -- thanks for reminding me! I keep telling myself it's 10 years!" He laughed. Then he gave me his trademark grin. "Haoli - - I love you for so many reasons."
"I love you too, Fred."
"I know -- I can tell. And I'm not any too sure that we feel any different. Maybe I'm just more desperate - - than you."
"That's it! That's the word! That's why I had to escape the islands. I felt desperate. But -- Fred -- I don't feel any different here than I felt there. Still frustrated. Still - "
"Yeah. You know what though? You get used to it."
"SHIT!" I said, surprising even myself. "I don't WANT to get used to -- to -- THIS! Do straight guys have to go through this?"
"Please don't tell me I have to get used to it!" I thought to myself.
"Haoli -- you have given me something that I never really had before."
"What's that?" I said, almost afraid of the answer.
"Confidence!" He said.
"What? I don't think I know many people with as much confidence as you have."
"Hmph! It's all a front. When you have 12 years of practice -- you get good at hiding it."
I thought about what we were talking about. Fred was baring his very soul to me and -- really I was doing the same. Is this love? Am I just not recognizing it for what it is? I really like him. I told him I love him. Was I lying? No. I do love him. I'd do anything for him. But I'd do anything for Rollie too. And - - I love him -- too.
"Of course sometimes I feel confident as I'm putting on the act. But at night -- when I am in bed -- alone -- it all comes crashing down. Just being here with you makes it all better."
"Only me?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"Wouldn't it feel better if it was almost any guy -- well -- that you like, anyway?" I asked.
"<<Sigh!>> I -- dunno. I don't think so -- not at this moment -- at this place. Tony -- I wish you weren't staying here so long. I mean -- if you were mostly trying to -- um -- get away from something -- in Maui, but you feel pretty much the same here -- doesn't it seem - "
"Yeah, I've been giving that some thought."
"Well, I have to go tomorrow night. I wish you would go with me." He pleaded.
"<<Sigh!>> I -- it's -- very tempting. My mom would sure be happy. But -- I gotta stay -- at least a little longer, Fred."
My cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. "Hello?"
"Yeah -- is this -- um -- is Fred there?"
"Oh! This must be Tim."
"Well, he's driving. He asked me to make the call. This is Manley. Here's Tim."
I handed the phone to Fred. "Hello? Yeah dude. Sure. Well -- uh-huh -- sure! That'd be great! Just a minute." He pressed the mute and said, "They want to go bowling with us and then maybe come back here for awhile. That okay with you?" I nodded. "Yeah -- what? Oh Cool! We'll be ready!"
"They're gonna pick us up here in half an hour."
I dressed in some black stretch jeans and a salmon colored ribbed tee. When Tim and his uncle arrived they walked in, in matching, loose fitting cargo chinos and polo shirts. Fred looked at them and laughed. "You didn't tell us to come in uniform!"
Tim was red-faced. "I'm afraid that was my fault." Said Manley. "I insisted on buying these for us today, so we decided to wear them. They will be comfortable for bowling." He looked at me. "You may want to change into something a little more giving -- they need to stretch. I mean -- you look -- um -- good -- and all -- but - "
"These are stretch jeans -- I've worn them bowling before."
"Oh. Good. Well, you'll definitely catch a few eyes at the bowling alley wearing those!" He smiled.
Fred -- like them -- had chosen something more loose. "Maybe I should change." I said,
Fred grinned. "You look great, Haoli! Let's go." Tim and Manley preceded us out the door, followed by me and then Fred. Fred whispered in my ear, "Yessir -- you DO look good!" and grabbed my butt and squeezed it. I jumped and ran into Manley.
"Wo! You alright there, sport?"
"Sorry!" I said. "SOMEONE goosed me!" I laughed.
"I can tell this is gonna be a lively night!" Said Manley.
"Hey! You promised to behave, Fred!" Laughed Tim.
"I made no such promise -- and besides -- I didn't touch YOU!" Quipped Fred.
"No, but you made your boyfriend come on to my uncle!"
I was about to react to that statement when Manley said, "Hey, was I complaining? At least I got to cop a feel of SOMETHING soft and squishy behind his fly."
I wasn't gonna mention that!
Manley and Tim, as before, drank beer all evening. But no one was obnoxious. They were very fun and comical together. I excused myself to go to the restroom. As I was about half done Manley walked in and came to the urinal right next to mine. He took and obvious gander at my meat. "Oho! That's what I was feeling earlier." I was shaking it off by then. "More than three shakes and you're playing with it!" He joked.
I smiled, washed my hands and left the restroom without saying anything. When he got back, Manley said -- loud enough for others to hear -- "The kid here's got a nice package, Tim! A little larger than it felt like earlier!" Then he cracked up at his joke, and reached for a full bottle of beer.
Tim grabbed it before he could get it. "Um -- Uncle Manley -- maybe we should cut back a little on our beers."
"Okay!" Manley said good naturedly.
By the time we got back to Fred's room, both Tim and Manley were acting pretty normal. Fred ordered a late pizza and found another pay-per-view movie. There was only a couch and a chair, but the couch was plenty big enough for three. I sat down first, on one end of the couch. Manley sat right next to me. He grabbed my thigh and squeezed it. "You okay, sport?" I looked and Tim was scowling at his uncle.
"I'm fine." I said.
Fred stood directly in front of Manley. "Mind if I sit next to my boyfriend?"
"Sure thing!" Said Manley. He moved then said to me, Move over and give your friend room, Sport." And he patted the cushion next to himself.
Fred quickly sat down between us and said, "This is fine with me!" He leaned over -- then on to me, snuggling under my arm.
There was no more flirting. We ate the pizza, drank some sodas and watched the movie. After they left, Fred said, "OOO! I'm glad that creep is gone!"
"Did you think he was a creep?" I asked.
"Well, he definitely let his beer go to his head! I didn't like him touching you!"
"Neither did I. Thanks for -- um -- coming to my aid!"
"Haoli -- I want to -- make love with you tonight."
"Oh! I -- I dunno! You mean -- I'm not sure I'm ready for -- um - "
"Ohhhh -- noooo! I didn't mean -- uh -- no! Not anal! I've never done that! And when I do, I want it to be -- well, anyway - But I really owe you something."
"You don't owe me anything. I loved doing you in the shower!" I grinned.
He got serious. "Tony -- I wanna love doing you!"
"Oh!" I said, thinking how selfish I must seem sometimes.
I started to take off my tee shirt and Fred said, "Please -- let me." I stopped and he looked deeply into my eyes and he lifted the sides of my tee. A shiver went through me, as his fingers grazed my ribs. He removed it and said, "Tony -- you looked so good tonight! Well, you still do! No wonder Tim's gay uncle came on to you."
"Do you think he was gay?"
"Duh! He didn't seem like it until he started to get drunk."
"Oh -- I don't think he was drunk." I said.
"Well, at least he drank enough to throw his inhibitions to the wind. Maybe even he wouldn't admit it but -- he WAS coming on to you. And I didn't like it!" He said almost fiercely. Then he softened. "but I like this!" He nuzzled one of my nipples and then sucked it.
"Tony, please let me just serve you tonight -- please? I won't do anything you don't want."
"I think I'd like that, Fred." I said. I threw my arms around him and hugged his face to my chest.
Fred gave me a massage first. I didn't notice that my shoulders, back and arm muscles were so tight -- I guess from the bowling. He also massaged my glutes and that felt not only good, but made my already growing wood fill to capacity. He stopped for a moment and I felt a wet finger massage my anal sphincter. I closed my eyes and moaned a little. He didn't go in.
He turned me over and massaged my legs and feet, then my arms and hands. He worked each pad on my hands and feet over thoroughly. Then he massaged my torso and my pecs. Lastly he gave me a facial, knowing even exactly how hard to press on my eyes. Enough for me to see stars, but not enough to hurt.
He then removed all his own clothes and lay on top of me, our turgid crotches touching, swelling and flexing. He lay his head on my chest and moaned. "I want you to be the one." I knew exactly what he was talking about. I petted his hair, and let my hands slide down to his butt.
"Maybe someday." I said. And I started to rub his shoulders.
"No!" He said softly. "I'm not finished." I stopped. He then again lay his head on my chest and almost purred. "I really want you -- all of you -- but you know what, Haoli? I don't mind waiting. Then he started to kiss my chest, my nipples and tummy. He sucked on my belly button. I mildly worried there must be some lint or something in it, but he cleaned it out with his tongue.
He tugged on my pubes with his teeth. It was my turn to moan. He then licked the already wet end of my dick. "Mmm!" He said. "I DO think I'm gonna like this!" He crooned, as he blew hot breath on the head. Then I felt his moist mouth engulf the head, and I moaned again. I briefly thought about the first time he had done that to me in his cave room just after we met. I couldn't believe I let him do that after seeing him only once.
He sucked and tongued me like it was a lollypop. At the same time, he caressed my nuts gently. Obviously he wasn't very experienced and he wasn't all that skillful, and truly I was glad. He again wetted his fingers and pushed and massaged my sphincter as he started to bob up and down my shaft. He tried to go down to my pubes and choked.
"You don't need to do that, Fred. It isn't anything special for me."
"MmH!" he said and started bobbing again. I was getting close and he started to jack the base as he bobbed from the top, taking even strokes in time with his bobbing. When I was ready to blow, I momentarily wondered how he had gotten his finger in there and was flipping it past my prostate. But I soon forgot about wondering as I started -- seemingly from my toes -- to push out my cream.
I cried out and shrieked and it took over my groin and then my whole pelvic region. I heard him slurping to get it all, and swallowing. When I finished, like me, he just kept sucking until it got soft, whereupon he just held it in his mouth and relaxed his cheek against my pubes, his arms hugging my butt. I really wanted him to climb off me but I don't think he got it, and I didn't really care that much.
As my breathing slowed, I was hugging myself when I fell asleep. Every once in awhile I'd feel his sucking , but I think he fell asleep too -- not letting it slip out of his mouth. He sucked it like a baby would suck a tit. Each time he started to suck, I'd wake up a little -- until even that stopped. I knew that he was still sucking, because I felt it in my dream.
Before I knew it, I was like, "Mph! Mph! Oh murmph." I awoke and was ready to blow again. He woke up and as soon as he realized what was happening, he started his bobbing again. My orgasm that time was gentle, but good and I was instantly asleep again. I felt my body turn away and then he spooned me until I woke up later with a very urgent need to pee. I started to get up.
"I'm gonna miss you, Haoli." He said to me in the dark.
"I'm only going to take a pee." I said sleepily.
"You know what I mean. Are you gonna miss me?"
"M-hm." I assented drowsily, as I walked around the second bed in our room to the toilet. When I came back, I flopped down on the other bed -- because it was closer.
We forgot to close the drapes, so I woke up with the light. He was watching me pensively. I gave him a questioning look. "What's up?" He asked.
How'd I get over here?" I asked.
"You went to pee and decided not to come back to me."
"Nuh-uh!" I said. "I wouldn't have done that!"
"Well, I didn't carry you over there." He said, and yawned widely.
"Well, it wasn't on purpose." I said and I crawled in beside him. Fred turned around and I spooned him. His naked skin on mine very quickly had its effect. I rubbed his smooth chest and outlined his lips. Then I caressed his cheeks. They were wet! "Are you okay -- Fred?"
"I am - - now." He answered.
"Why -- what - "
"I didn't go back to sleep after you went pee last night. I couldn't imagine why you didn't come back to bed with me."
I pulled him closer and kissed his neck. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Fred. I was just sleepy, I guess, and that bed was closer."
"Can I ask you something?" He said.
"Um -- yeah." I said.
"Have you ever had -- sex?"
"You don't consider what we did -- in the last couple days -- sex?"
"You know what I mean. Anal sex. You ever done that?"
He was right. I knew what he meant. I was hedging -- trying to think of a way to tell him gently. "You've been -- thinking about this a lot, haven't you?" I said.
"Aw -- it's okay. You don't have to answer that. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. That wasn't fair."
"Actually it's probably very fair. Yes -- I have -- with Ben Hastings."
"You must have really loved him!"
"I did." I said.
"You still do." He said. "I can see it in your face right now. It hurts you to talk about him. I can hear it with the reverence you speak his name with."
"Yeah -- it still hurts."
Do you think -- maybe -- subconsciously -- you may have come over here to -- look him up?"
"NO!" I said vehemently, then softened, "I don't think so. Are you thinking that I feel this way about him because of the - - sex we had?"
"Actually, I was thinking just the opposite. I thought that you must have really loved him a lot to do that. Like -- maybe -- the sex grew out of that love."
"I didn't know him very long, but -- I think you're right. We spent almost every minute together -- that we could, and what we were doing before -- um -- before we had full sex -- it just wasn't enough any more to physically express our love -- I think."
"Has the sex we have had been enough -- for you -- I mean with me?"
"Yes. I loved what you did last night. That was new -- to me! It was -- good."
"Yeah -- me too. It's like -- I feel like -- toward you -- like I've never felt for anyone else -- I think. But I don't feel like we have to fu -- I mean - well, you know -- to show you or to feel it. So maybe -- maybe we still have a way to go to -- feel what I am looking for -- I guess. I just can't imagine feeling anything more. Actually, I kind of like that -- maybe there is more."
"There is." I said, without thinking.
"Huh?" he said. "What -- what -- oh, never mind. I'm sure you can't really explain it anyway. Just hold me. Feel lonely already, and I'm not even gone yet."
"I can't explain it but -- I can explain something."
"What?"
"how does it make you feel -- that you are going home and -- I'm not going with you? Maybe not for a long time."
"Like I'm losing you. It feels terrible."
"It feels that way to me too. I'm wondering if I'm making the biggest mistake in my life. And yes - that feels terrible."
"So why - " He started.
"Fred -- when I lost -- or really gave up -- Ben -- I wanted to die. I truly felt like I wanted to die -- it felt that bad. And then when I went to his wedding -- in Laie -- it felt the same way -- all over again. And it kinda feels like that talking about it. I can't describe the feeling of love, but I can tell you the feeling of abandonment and sadness was -- awful. I can understand why some people jump off cliffs to make it go away. I hope you don't feel that bad."
"You wouldn't - "
"No -- I wouldn't. But I felt that bad."
"And -- you still do?"
"No. And what you and I did -- the last few days -- has made it feel better."
"It's made me feel better. Are you really gonna stay long enough to go to college here?"
I dunno. I do know this -- I want to -- keep in contact -- with you. I know this too -- I DO love you -- a lot!"
"Okay." He said then quickly added, "Oh! Me too!" Said Fred. "We better get up and going. Aren't we expected at your grandmother's for breakfast?"
"Yes. She asked me to ask you back."
"Then maybe you can go shopping with me -- I want to buy a few things that are hard to get on Maui. Then -- will you see me off at the airport?"
"Um -- okay. I'd like that, but - "
"What?" He asked.
"I -- um -- well -- where can we have a proper -- I mean -- I want a proper good bye."
"Well, I have to check out of here this morning. You wanna get a sleazy motel just before I go?"
"Haha! Not really, but -- we could do our proper good bye -- BEFORE going to breakfast."
"You mean here -- now?" He grinned. I nodded.
We didn't do anything "new" -- at least to us, but we did have a proper good bye!
"So, today's your last day, huh?" Grampa said to Fred.
"Yeah." Fred said, submissively. "I have some shopping to do -- Tony's going with me. Then he'll see me off at the airport."
"Did you want to take my car, Tony?" Said Grampa. "You'll need a way home from the airport."
I looked at Fred. He considered for a moment and then said, "Naw! I'll get you a cab home."
He picked up some things -- not a lot, but just some things that were very expensive in Hawaii. I'll do the same when I go home. We had more time left over, so -- we opted for the sleazy motel anyway! That's one thing I will definitely miss! I don't even know anyone that I'd want to do that with -- or anyone well enough, anyway.
We turned his car in before our motel time -- because the rental agency was right down the street from the motel. Then he hired a cab to take us to the airport. We could have walked, but it was a long way, and through a pretty bad area -- and he figured he was gonna get a cab anyway, so - -
When we got to the airport, there was no time for long good byes. We kissed and he grabbed his luggage and ran into the terminal. My whole body felt like I wanted to run after him -- but I didn't.
When I got back to Grampa's, Nana had a nice dinner prepared. "Pretty rough good bye huh?" Grampa said.
"Sort of." I agreed. "I guess I better get a job -- next."
"No hurry about that, Tony. What did you do on Maui?"
"Bicycle tours down Haleakala."
"Oh! Not likely to find anything like that here. Well, McDonalds is always hiring."
"EW!" I said.
"You know after I retired, I thought about getting a job there. Just to pass the time. Nice people there. And happy. That means that their management is probably good too."
I went the very next morning to McDonalds. They had several openings. I got the worst schedule possible. But it was a job.
About two weeks later I received a call on my cell phone. "Hello?" I answered.
"Who's this?"
That irritated me. "Um -- you called me. Who is this?"
"Oh -- this must be -- Tommy -- is it?"
"Okay, I'm on my way to work and don't have tome for - "
"This is Manley. Do you know me?"
"Manley? Um -- you mean like -- Tim's uncle?" I said.
"Yeah. Sorry I forgot your name. I guess it's not Tommy."
"Tony."
"Tony -- yeah! How stupid of me!"
"Don't be so hard on yourself -- we only spent one evening together. What's up?"
"Well, Tim has gone back home and -- I still had your phone number in my phone. I -- I wonder if -- I mean -- um -- I really need to talk to someone -- er I mean -- you. I wonder when would work for us."
"How about now?" I said.
"Oh -- haha -- no. I'm at work now. But I get off at five. How about then? I can maybe take you to dinner?"
"No -- sorry, I work evenings. Next Saturday -- during the day -- I have then off. You?"
"I had hoped for sooner, but -- that'll work." I had some idea why he'd want to talk to me -- but I wasn't going to mention it.
Notes. Is Tony more confused than he was on Maui? Will he go back soon? Comments are always welcome -- to Steve at stebethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and ... Love, Steve