This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he! (CA) Ben Hastings -- First love (Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years) Lucas diMarco -- my dad Wendy diMarco -- my mom. Joseph -- my Brother -- 17 Levi -- my brother - 15 Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member. Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary Ashton Staedler -- New friend Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator Grandpa Antonio DiMarco Grandma Rose
From Ch. 12:
When he finished diving, I was pretty sweaty from sitting out so we both hit the shower together. Because of the conversation the night before, I was reticent to do anything, and he was his normal shy self. We showered and dried off together, then went to his bedroom to dress.
We dropped our towels at the same time and it was as if something besides ourselves pushed us together. With neither seeming to initiate anything, we kissed each other deeply and before we knew what was happening, we were lying on the bed making out like a couple of teens, our hands all over each others' bodies. I went down on him. His hips started to rock gently, then he pulled out and said,
"No. We can't. I can't. I'll wait for you to find out whatever you are looking for, but -- I won't make any promises. I'm just not interested in anyone else -- at the moment and I am not in love with anyone else," he said, not reminding me of the obvious -- that he does love me.
I flew home to a very relieved mother and dad, feeling - - that somehow - - maybe - - I had lost something important.
Chapter 13
"Tony! You're back! I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to -- um -- bother you, not knowing how bad you were! I talked to your mom. You in the hospital twice?" Asked Ben Fisk.
"Yeah. I still have to take it easy for awhile."
"Can I come by to see you? Maybe take you out to dinner?"
"I have to eat -- um -- special food for awhile. But yeah, I'd love to see you." I said, thinking about my last exchange with Rollie and feeling almost guilty.
"Great. You know -- I hope I am not a big disappointment to you, but -- I know I mentioned maybe working with the bishop and -- stuff -- well -- Johnnie and I seem to hit it off really well, and -- well -- he's not going back."
"What?" I said, a little too shocked. "Oh! so -- you two are -- um -- sort of a couple?"
"Yeah, well, more than sort of. He has a job now and we moved to a nicer place. He is also anxious to see you!"
I felt a mix of emotions that was hard to explain. Part of me was disappointed -- as he said. Part of me was jealous which was ridiculous -- but I could feel it. And -- part of me was -- relieved -- for the sake of my relationship with Rollie. He asked me to come to his new place -- if not for dinner -- then for an evening. I said I'd feel like a 5th wheel. He said that was impossible -- I'd be a 3rd wheel! We laughed and made it a date.
Fred came to see me my first day back. My mom had called him to tell him I'd be back. He offered to pick me up at the airport, but with my car out at Ka'anapali, Mom told him she and Dad would pick me up and drive my car back. On the way back I got a wistful feeling as I passed the street that went down to where Ashton lives. But he never called me so I kind of -- well, not exactly wrote him off -- but - -
"So, I was so surprised that you came back so soon, Tony! I expected you would stay with Sister James for at least a week."
"They wanted me to." I didn't tell him that it was mostly Rollie that wanted me to -- nor that it was precisely because of Rollie that I left. "But I felt like I had mooched off them long enough. Are you still on the -- UGH -- disgusting diet?"
"Oh yes. My mother now practically worships that woman. I have it twice a day! Blecht!"
"Well, I have it three times a day! Triple blecht!"
"But Tony in the last two days -- since I saw you -- my nose doesn't hurt at all. I know I still have to be careful but -- oh! How are YOU feeling? When did you get your speech back?"
"The same night that you left. I was trying extra hard to say something and all of a sudden I was talking normally. Sister James says it's not the soup, but I'm not taking any chances!"
"So -- you really have to take 3 weeks off?"
"Yeah, but as it works out, it may be longer than that."
"Are you getting fired?"
"No -- but there were enough biking accidents coming down Haleakala last year, the state is shutting down all the companies until they conduct an inquiry to see where the problems are."
"Oh, yeah! Didn't you say you met a guy because of an accident he was in?"
"Yeah -- that was Ben Hastings."
I still felt a twinge of pain in my chest thinking about him.
"And it may be because of situations just such as that that they are doing this. Ben and his friends only asked to be taken to the top of Haleakala and then they were on their own. They had their own bikes. It's too bad for guys like that, because it was convenient to get a ride up with the group. I've never had a serious accident since I started. But guys with more experience tend to hot dog it down the mountain and -- either underestimate the difficulty or -- overestimate their skill."
"So either way, you're pretty much out of a job -- for now. Bummer!"
"Yeah -- I guess. I'm thinking of going to California. My grandparents live there -- in los Angeles. He says there are lots of jobs there."
"What? You would leave paradise for smog-land? Ew! Tony -- this is a huge shock. I -- I guess it doesn't mean much but -- I don't want you to go! Maybe your parents are just trying to get you away from -- all - this."
The rest of the evening went downhill from there. Fred was instantly depressed and -- well -- I was too.
I saw Fred, and Ben and Johnnie several times -- mostly Fred -- during the next week. I happened to see a phone number with my name on it under some stuff at the phone desk. "What's this, Mom?"
"Oh! I'm sorry, Tony! That boy from Lahaina called here while you were away. It was before your accident and in my own dismay, I forgot. What is that boy's name?"
"Ashton?"
"Yes! That's who it was!"
I was instantly dismayed. I called Ashton immediately. "Hello?"
"Ashton -- this is Tony."
"Oh." He said distantly. "Um -- Tony -- who?"
"Tony diMarco -- you took me flying for your birthday."
"Oh! Tony! Yeah! Omigosh, I never heard from you, so I thought -- well -- I -- uh - "
"I was in a serious accident on Oahu. Broken face, and a stroke."
"No kidding! That's terrible. That's awful! And here I was thinking that -- um -- how are you now?"
"Much better. I still have to rest for awhile."
"Well, I'm so glad you called! Um -- do you wanna come see me sometime -- I mean -- well maybe we should drive over there to see you."
"Oh. We?"
"Oh -- yeah -- you remember my brother's friend -- Geoff?"
"Yeah -- oh yeah, he was kind of -- um -- swishy -- wasn't he?"
"What? Geoff? Swishy? Nuh-uh!"
I was embarrassed. I hardly knew Geoff and I was calling him swishy! "How about him and your brother?"
"They're just best friends. Well, heh. I guess I'm his best friend now!"
"Yeah -- hunh." I said. I felt like another light had gone out inside. "Oh I don`t think -- I mean -- unless you wanna come over here -- I'm pretty busy anyway. I mean -- I'd love to see you and all, but - "
"It's okay. If you get bored and need company -- give us a call."
"Kay!" I said. "Thanks!"
I hung up and -- sat there for a moment feeling a sudden emptiness -- for something I didn't even know existed.
"I know we suggested it, Tony. But - "
"Wendy -- if the boy wants to go see his grandfather -- he should go. It's not as if he'll be gone forever!"
"Lucas -- I just had to give him up for two years on his mission. And now - " Mom had tears in her eyes.
"Honey, we agreed this would be best." Dad said.
"I know but my boy is -- might be -- leaving me again! Can't you let me be sad about it?"
"Of course. I'm sad too, Wendy. But I still think that it's best -- I mean that he might grow from it -- in a lot of ways."
Ben's words echoed in my ears: "Maybe your parents are just trying to get you away from -- all - this."
"Now tell me again what I'd gain from going to California." I said to my dad.
"You haven't seen your Grandpa in a long time. And he may have some connections for you -- a job. And if you like it, you could go to college there, once you established your residence requirements."
Rollie was more dismayed than I had anticipated. Fred took the news like he knew that he never had a chance. I assured him he did. I really felt protected around him -- notwithstanding my most serious accidents were when I was with him. But is protection enough? No, there was more than that. But the bottom line is that I need some time away -- I think.
I waited the three weeks after the doc had said I needed to lay low, then took another three off just to hang out and -- when I realized that the only thing that prevented me going was - - fear. I had it when I went on my mission. Fear of the unknown. I went back to Oahu to see the doctor. Rollie begged me to stay with him.
Well it wasn't as if I was flush enough to turn him down. He didn't try to dissuade me from going. I was kind of disappointed in this -- but understandably -- relieved too. That one night, my own emotions got away from me -- and my own hormones -- but Rollie had enough control for both of us. But we had a memorable make out session on his bed.
"I wish you the best. Tony. Please write to me and tell me how you are and - - yeah. That would be good."
With Rollie, I always feel like there was more he wanted to say.
"Okay, then. You be good, Babe." Said Fred, like he might have said, "Okay, then, I'm gonna jump off a cliff as soon as you're gone." Well, maybe that was his way of telling me he was going to miss me. Or maybe it was my perception. I knew I would miss him. I told his so, but he minimized it in his usual way.
"You're gonna meet a guy over there that you never knew you couldn't do without!"
"That's not why I'm going there." I said. Some thing prevented me from grabbing him and begging him to go with me. After a lengthy goodbye -- not totally unlike what I experienced with Rollie -- I went to Los Angeles the next day. I saw and met several cute flight attendants but they were disgustingly professional!
"Hi Grandpa Antonio!" I said, running to him. I felt like I wanted to jump into his arms, but I restrained myself. After all, I had only seen him a few times and that was when I was a preteen. But - - I WAS named for him.
Grandpa smiled broadly, and looked me up and down. "You've grown up, Antonio." He said kindly. "Do you remember your Aunt Cheryl?"
"Oh yeah -- she and Uncle Arthur - "
"You're Uncle Arthur died while you were on your mission, Anthony. Your - "
"Everyone calls me Tony, Grandpa." I said.
"Oh. Okay. That'll make it less confusing for others then." Then he looked very serious. "Tony, your fathers sister was very much in love with Arthur. When he died she had no regrets. Your Aunt Cheryl has been very concerned about something. She now wants to get married to someone else and -- she's worried about the reaction of the family. They are coming to dinner tonight. I hope that you can accept her decision."
"Oh, Grandpa! I would be a hypocrite if I were to judge her! Besides -- I have no reason to."
"You're a good boy, Anto - I mean Tony! And I'm glad there is one less hypocrite in the world!" Grandpa laughed joyously and then suddenly stopped and asked, "Um -- why would you -- oh never mind! That's none of my business. My goodness, I think I almost am becoming an meddling old man!"
"It's okay Grandpa -- what were you going to ask?"
"Well, you said that you would be a hypocrite. Are you - " he stopped cold and then said, "Um -- Tony -- are you -- running away from something?"
I suddenly felt hot and cold all at once. How could he possibly know that I am gay? Why did I have to say that? I don't have to drag him into my problems. But -- somehow -- I can't lie to this old man. I can tell he loves me -- even though he hardly knows me!
"I'm not exactly -- um -- running away from -- well -- yes I guess I am!"
"Any time you want to talk, Tony, I will listen. I've seen so much - - I doubt you could shock me with anything."
"Grandpa -- did my dad tell you anything -- anything about me -- that -- um - "
"Your dad told me only that you were getting island fever and he felt you might like to live on the mainland for awhile."
"Hm -- I never thought about it in that way -- but I think he might be right." I thought -- aloud. Grandpa was good enough not to press me further.
My Aunt Cheryl was waiting for us at Grandpa and Grandma Rose's house. After hugging Grandma, I approached Aunt Cheryl. She is a couple years older than my dad, I think. She has flaming red hair -- dyed -- and paints her eyebrows on. Her hair is very curly -- probably permed. She gave me a wide, toothy smile and spread her arms. I walked tenuously into her embrace.
"I know you hardly know me, Tony, but I used to change your diaper when you were a baby. You had such a cute little -- oh! Haha! Well, that's probably a lot bigger now too!" Luckily I didn't have much time to be embarrassed when the doorbell rang.
Aunt Cheryl nearly ran to the door, then looking at herself in the mirror by the door, she opened it slowly. She hugged the man that stepped in and then said, Gray, I want you to meet my nephew -- Tony. Tony this is my -- fiancée, Graham Newsome. But everyone calls him Gray."
We stepped toward each other like a couple of missionaries and shook hands like that as well. Gray had mostly gray hair, but other than that he looked like he was young enough to be Aunt Cheryl's -- well, maybe youngest brother?
Cher tells me you served a mission, Tony. Where did you go?"
"Arizona Tucson Mission, sir."
"Great -- another foreign mission within the United States! I was in New York City. Now that's about as foreign as you can get!" He laughed and then added, "And if you ever call me sir again, I may have to disown you before I ever become your uncle! Please call me Gray!" He smiled. He then stepped back and looked me up and down -- almost hungrily I thought! "You look like you just returned. Did you have a spill on your bike?" He said when he came back up to my face."
"I wish. It was more like a spill into a big Tongan!"
"Oh! Sorry to hear that. You'll have to fill me in on those details later."
We walked into the dining room, where Grandma had dinner ready and on the table. As we sat and ate -- and talked -- I kept stealing looks at Gray. Something about him fascinated me. I told myself that he was my aunt's boyfriend -- fiancée even! And that he is way too old. Why was I so attracted to this old man? It can't be sexual -- I mean - - EW!
He caught me looking at him too many time and once he even winked at me! I couldn't help myself. I blushed. He grinned.
After Aunt Cheryl and Unc -- I mean Gray left, I talked to Grandpa and Grandma for awhile, while the TV droned on behind us. Grandpa followed me in to my bedroom -- and shut the door.
"Your dad didn't tell my that you were gay, Tony." Grandpa said simply. I got a horrified look on my face. "Tony -- Tony -- I don't care! Neither does your Grandmother. What worries us is the way Gray was looking at you. I'm sure Cheryl saw it too."
I felt a momentary fight or flight sensation. "Grandpa -- he caught me watching him -- several times. I'm sorry, Grandpa -- I don't want to - " I stopped and regrouped. "What? He was looking at me?"
"Tony, if he caught you several times -- didn't it occur to you that he was also looking at you?"
"I was -- I guess -- paranoid -- from my own actions, Grandpa. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I wasn't sure I should even tell you, but after this afternoon, I knew I couldn't hold it back from you."
"Well, we'll deal with this after we all sleep, Tony." He said. "G'night Son!" He said and he kissed me on the forehead and walked out locking my door before closing it.
Could he possibly know how I put myself to sleep?
I thought about Fred and as my energy mounted -- and my strokes got longer and fasted, he morphed into -- Gray! I stopped. I turned over to my side, frustrated sexually and confused emotionally. I turned back to my back and forced myself to picture Rollie -- sitting on the edge of the bunk, playing his ukulele and singing his love song to me. I got a good image and started to wank wildly and imagined that he jumped down beside me. I looked over smiling into -- Grays eyes!
I slapped the sheet and mattress so hard I was afraid that someone may have heard it. I kept myself very still and listened. The TV droned on -- some news show, I think. I just closed my eyes, and when I did, my heart broke a little as I saw Ben -- standing in front of the Hawaiian Temple beside his new guy. I may have fallen asleep as he left his guy's side and walked to the back of the group of people who were witnessing their vows.
I tried to look away. Why was he coming to me. "Ben -- no -- you're getting married. Go back." I tried to say, but nothing came out. When he got to me he extended his hand and my hand -- of it's volition -- reached out and when they touched -- and I peered deeply into his eyes, I felt my other hand wildly flailing myself. He drew me to him slowly and I felt my spunk rise. Just as I felt it shooting out all over the beach -- in my dream -- his face changed to Gray.
I woke up sweating and wanking wildly as my seed was pumped all over my tummy and chest. I held the sheet up and smeared it all over -- until it dried -- and then I lay there, mortified and embarrassed -- with no one there to see my red countenance. Some time in there -- I fell asleep again -- with the news station still going on in the living room.
The next morning was Saturday. I woke up at 5 in the morning. It was 8 at home! I felt my pee wood straining at my shorts. I squeezed it as I thought about my dream last night. Or was it - - dreams? I couldn't get him out of my mind. His mostly gray hair is thinning on the top, and -- well -- non-existent in the front. He had a heavy shadow on his face at dinner last night. The more I thought about it, I realized I wanted to reach out and stroke his face.
The more I thought about it??!! "STOP thinking about it! Stop thinking about HIM!" I told myself.
As I came out of my bedroom, three hours later -- hearing conversation in the living room -- over the sound of the TV news station. I guess I was gonna have to get used to that. I walked down the hall and heard Grandpa say, "Well, Sweetheart, it's good you found out about it now. Think about if you got married and found out later."
I stopped cold. I knew who was there with him. It was Aunt Cheryl. How could I possibly face her? "Are you a hungry boy?" I was startled by my grandma walking quietly up behind me.
"Oh! Grandma! Yeah, I guess. I don't think I slept too well last night."
"A little jet lag huh?"
"Um -- oh! Yeah! That must be it."
We walked out through the living room and Aunt Cheryl gave me a curious look. I was sure she should have looked daggers at me but she didn't. "How long before you guys eat, Mom." Asked Aunt Cheryl.
"Oh, maybe an hour or so - unless anyone is very hungry, in which case we can just have cold cereal. Aren't you staying for breakfast dear?"
"I don't think so. Not too hungry this morning, thanks. Tony, maybe we can go for a walk -- outside?" Said Aunt Cheryl.
I was panicky. I looked at Grandpa. He nodded to me reassuringly. Somehow my legs took me over and I followed her out the door.
As soon as we were outside, she said, "God must have sent you!"
"Wha -- at?" I said, caught completely off guard.
"Please forgive your grandpa for telling me -- but I suspected it anyway -- after last night." I sighed, feeling defeated. "Tony -- I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was about Gray. He's never been married. But -- last night I saw him ogling you! I never saw that kind of behavior before. But there was - - something - - that I couldn't put my finger on. I guess I know what it is now. Thanks you so much for saving me from -- well -- from what?"
"Aunt Cheryl, I'm so sorry that - "
"No -- it's okay! It really is. Gray is 12 years younger than I am. He's 39 years old -- and he never knew -- until last night -- that he was really attracted to men. Oh he said he thought about them a lot, but -- well -- anyway -- thanks!"
"I didn't do anything." I said, feeling like I was a liar!
"Maybe just being nice to him was all it took. He served a mission and said he is a virgin. I believe him! I love him, but I can't ask him to be what he is not. I broke off our engagement."
"What? YOU broke it off?" I marveled.
"Tony -- dear -- he really didn't know that he was flirting with you. He told me that. Tony, I don't believe there is a bad bone in his body. I believe him. When I told him he was gay, he didn't believe I was serious at first. He doesn't need me. He needs a guy -- to love and be loved by."
"I -- I -- don't know what to say. All of me wants to say I am sorry, but -- maybe -- just because -- you were -- I mean you have to be -- so -- let down -- or something. I am sorry for that!"
"Don't you worry about that, dear. Um -- shall I tell Gray to come by to see you?"
"What? No! He's 39 years old, for crap sakes. Sorry!"
"He's 12 years younger than I am. And he's only 16 or 17 years older than you!"
"No, Aunt Cheryl. I g-guess I'm glad that I could -- um -- help you out in that way, but -- no. Don't tell him to call -- please."
"Okay. Well, I'll let you get in and ready for breakfast. I know Mom will be fixing something special for you."
She hugged me and got into her Mustang convertible and sped off.
I walked slowly into the house. I thought about him again -- his sexy shadowed face, his thin, sexy hair. STOP Tony! Just STOP! He's 39 years old! But -- that's only 7 years older than Fred. Does age really matter that much?
"YES!" I said aloud to myself as I opened the front door.
"Are you okay, Tony?" Asked my grandpa.
"Yeah -- I mean - - yeah -- I guess."
"The path you have chosen is not an easy one, Son."
"I -- didn't choose to be gay, Grandpa."
"No -- and maybe you have not chosen to follow that path even -- yet. But if you do -- it will be like you always have two strikes against you before you started."
"I know Grandpa. Boy do I know. And I think I understand the eternal perspective too. I don't want to give up companionship in this life -- or worse yet, pretend to be something I'm not -- to gain what -- in the next life? I'm not sure I will change when I leave my body."
"I can't assure you of that, Boy."
"What I do believe is that -- though no one else in the world may understand -- exactly how I feel -- Jesus does understand. I don't feel he condemns me, Grandpa."
Grandpa laughed. "You're not supposed to learn that at such a tender age, Tony. But in your case -- I'm glad you have. There are a lot of things that we learn as we go -- that no one can teach us. We have to learn it by ourselves. In my high priests quorum, we allude to some things, but even some in there are pent up by their prejudices."
"Do you think that the Prophet understands, Grandpa?"
"About your situation? I doubt it. But I know he understands the concept you were just telling me about. He knows that Jesus does not condemn anyone before their time. So -- he encourages others to do the same. How many times have we heard him tell us to judge not - "
" -- that we be not judged. Yes! I've heard him say that. And also that we cannot be forgiven - "
" -- unless we are forgivING! Yes. Too many have their spiritual hearing aids turned off -- or their own prejudice causes static so loud they cannot understand what they hear. You are wise way beyond your years, Tony. That means that you will be hurt more and deeper that others your age. But you also will have more understanding about bouncing back."
"Are you two too deep in your conversation to come in and eat some breakfast? I have cheese and blueberry blintzes and fresh blueberries and sour crème, plus eggs and bacon. You can eat whatever you want of it, Tony."
Later that afternoon Aunt Cheryl screeched into the driveway. She ran crying into the house and threw herself into Grandpa's arms. "He -- he -- he killed himself, Dad. How could he do that?""
"Slow down there, sweetheart. Who did what?"
"They said it was an accident -- on the news -- the news! Don't you always have it on? Didn't you hear about it?"
Lets go look. We all went to the living room and sat down. "and the breaking story this afternoon is of a Los Angeles man who careened off the road up near Crestline, into a steep ravine. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Identification will be held pending notification of his family."
"Well, that was Fox news. NBC already identified him. It was Gray alright!" Aunt Cheryl said, then broke down and cried.
Both Grandma and Grandpa went to her and put their arms around her. "We don't know it was suicide, Sweetheart." Grandpa said.
"M -- m-maybe not, but it seems a strong coincidence that -- well -- after yesterday - " She started to sob again.
I felt somehow -- cheated -- or something. It was completely irrational. I wanted to know him better. I didn't really but then -- now that he is gone -- it just doesn't seem fair -- or rational in any way.
I felt like I was too judgmental. I never told him, but he was too old for me and -- now I felt like I had judged him unfairly. He is -- or was -- only 7 years older than Fred - - for crying out loud! I didn't even realize that I too was weeping. Grandpa came over and put his arm around me. "What did I miss, Grandpa? What could he have taught me? What could I have taught him?"
I went to church with Grandma and Grandpa Sunday morning, and with Aunt Cheryl in the afternoon. Grandpa and Grandma's ward meets in the morning. They made an announcement -- for any who knew him. But in Aunt Cheryl's ward most of the women -- and some of the men -- were crying. And of course -- so was I. This was a single adult ward, for singles over 30, where everyone knew Gray.
They'll never know his secret.
When I came out of the single adult ward, I was approached by a very attractive middle aged man. "Hello. I'm Jerry Maison, bishop of the young adult ward. Are you new in the area?"
"I'm staying with the DiMarcos -- Antonio is my Granddad." I said.
"Okay -- and you are - - ?"
"Tony - Tony DiMarco."
"Great to meet you Tony. Well, I want you to feel welcome to come to the young adult ward. We meet - "
"I think I'll stick to my grandparents' ward for now. Thanks." I said. "Maybe I'll see you around."
I walked away and heard him quietly say, "Damn!" I turned and he was walking in the opposite direction, shaking his head. I'm not quite sure why I smiled to myself.
I felt the outline of my temple garment under my shirt -- which of course that bishop probably saw at a glance. It's something that we look for. If we cannot see it -- it's no big deal, but if we do -- we normally feel an immediate bond. Somehow I felt safer -- or something -- wearing those special underwear. They're not all that different from any other underwear or tee shirt, but I feel naked without them. I guess it's a "Mormon thing" -- at least among temple goers. The young adult ward -- as well as the single adult ward -- were basically organized to get singles together and - - married off.
I had taken the sacrament twice today -- which was tantamount to being baptized again -- clean and pure. We do it weekly, to remind us who we are and to recommit ourselves to God. I thought about going to the temple -- to do some service for someone else. It was a heavy decision to make. I had participated in fornication -- since my mission and since I was last there. But taking the sacrament -- somehow I felt -- more justified in going.
The temple is open every day except Sunday and Monday. Sunday for obvious reason: That's the day to go to church. But Monday is set aside to have family time. No church calling should take us away from our families on Mondays. The church leaders realize this. So I determined that Tuesday I'll go to the temple.
"Pretty intense meditation there, guy." I looked up and wondered if I was dreaming. There stood Fred, smiling broadly.
"What -- what are you doing -- here?" I asked.
"Aw, now you have to go and hurt my feelings? And after I came all this way just to see you!"
"Oh, I didn't mean -- I -- um -- I mean -- no! It's not like that! It's just -- well -- you're about the last person I expected to see here!"
"Yeah amazing isn't it? Here I am -- in church -- and the walls are still standing."
"No, I meant in California! What -- huh? You said -- did you say you came to see me?"
"Tony -- I was afraid that you were running away from me -- and I guess that following you here maybe justifies your running -- even more. But -- I had to look you in the eyes and tell you - "
"Well Tony!" Said my Grandpa, walking up to us. Making friends already! Great!"
"Yes -- um," I looked at Fred and winked. "Um -- Grandpa this is - " I looked at Fred again -- "Fred, is it?" I said, as if I had just met him for the first time. "He's just here from Hawaii to see a friend." I wasn't lying. Fred this is my Grandpa -- Brother DiMarco.
"Well, nice to meet you, Fred." Grandpa shook his hand. "and Fred, this is Sister DiMarco -- Tony's Nana."
Is that what I'm supposed to call her?
"Very nice to meet you Fred. Will you be joining us for supper?"
What?
Fred looked at me. He saw the panicky look on my face. "I -- uh -- don't know if -- my -- um -- orther friend-s -- have anything planned." Fred looked at me -- kind of querulously -- kind of -- maybe sadly.
"Why don't you call him -- er -- them -- and find out. You'd like my grandma's -- er -- Nana's -- cooking."
This is getting ridiculous. I hardly know Grampa and Gr -- er -- Nana DiMarco and I have to pretend to hardly know Fred. How do I get myself into these situations?
Fred walked away and put his cell phone to his ear. He came back. "I'd love to come to -- did you call it - - supper?"
I wondered if they noticed his newly healing nose. Fred has such an easy way with new people. Well, I have to remember that he's 32. We laughed and joked and he told stories of exciting surf adventures.
"Well, it seem that you two have hit it off!" Grampa said. "You'd think you knew each other all your lives."
I was stunned -- like a deer in the headlights. Fred said, "Yeah, we probably know each other from another world."
"That's for sure!" Grandpa said, laughing.
"Yes -- we all knew each other in the spirit world before we came here -- didn't we?" said Nana.
Grandpa looked at Nana. "Well, maybe some of us knew each other better than others. And -- it's not been as long since these two left that other world. Maybe their spiritual memory is better."
It's better all right!
"So, where do your friends live, Fred? Is it nearby?"
I felt terrible that I dragged Fred into this lie with me. "I -- uh -- I'm not staying with them. I'm staying at -- um - " For once Fred was at a loss.
"It's the Super 8 by the Airport!" I blurted out. Grandpa looked at me strangely. "He told me when we met this morning -- er -- this afternoon."
"Thanks Tony. I know I can find my way back there, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was called."
I was sweating bullets!
"Well, listen, I really do have to go. I think jet lag has caught up with me -- or something. Thanks so much for -- um -- was it supper? Yeah -- supper! Haha! I feel like I have regressed to the old west!"
"Well, you're certainly welcome here any time. How long will you be visiting your friends?" Nana said.
"I -- um -- I'm not sure. I kind of surprised hi -- er -- them. I'll be doing the tourist thing -- and maybe by myself mostly -- my friend -- s -- are going out of town tomorrow. That's what I get for surprising them!"
"Well, do come back, Fred. It's amazing how you and Tony have gotten on together."
"I'll make a note of your generous offer. The -- um -- supper -- was great! Bye!" he said and he stepped quickly out the door.
"Wow!" said Grampa. "How interesting that you both are from Hawaii -- AND from Maui. And you don't know each other."
"Maybe I have seen him at Y.A. activities." I said, afraid that Grampa may be on to us. "You know, in Maui - "
Knock Knock!
Grampa opened the door. Fred stood there looking sheepish. "Fred! How nice to see you -- again. You really should come around more often!" Laughed Grandpa.
"I really feel like an idiot!" Said Fred. "I guess living on an island is -- simpler than in L.A. I said I could find my way back to the -- um -- Super 10? But -- I can hardly find my way out of your neighborhood!"
"I've never seen a Super 8 by the airport, but there's probably one there." Said Grandpa. "Tony, do you know the way back to the airport -- never mind -- we'll just lead him there."
"I can find it!" I blurted out.
"Well -- okay then. You can drive my car. It almost has to be on Century Boulevard. Fred will probably know it when he gets closer.
Fred and I walked outside and as soon as the door was closed he started to laugh. "You're more fun than a car full of clowns!" He giggled.
"I'm so sorry. I'm not even sure why I started this thing out -- I mean -- as a big fat lie -- in the first place! And what makes it worse -- I think my Grampa is on to us!"
"Well, let's go find the Super 8!" Said Fred.
As Grampa said, it was on Century, and not far from the airport. It was a dump! Well, at least compared to what I know Fred is used to. I know that his rented Mercedes will be out of place there! He pulled in the parking spot next to me, got out and ran to my window.
"Okay -- I guess this is it." He said looking almost scared. "See you later."
"Huh?" I said. "I thought at least I could help you in to - "
"HAH! Gotcha!" He laughed. "I'm not staying here! I see a Sheraton closer to the airport. Follow me over there. And - - YOU can think of a way to tell your grandparents I moved -- if you think you need to."
We checked in -- or rather got Fred checked in to the Sheraton and I did help him take his luggage to his room. As soon as we were in the room, he attacked me. I didn't quite know what to expect -- but it wasn't that. He practically jumped into my arms and planted a wet mouth on mine. I couldn't NOT kiss him back - - could I?
"Oh my gosh, Tony! Oh my gosh!" he said. "We were interrupted when I was saying this earlier today. I know you were running away from me and if you tell me too -- I'll go back in the morning."
He studied my face for a moment. "Please -- Tony -- give me a couple days! Your -- story' puts me with my friends' tomorrow. How about we do something Tuesday, Haoli?"
My whole body was telling me I wanted to do something tonight. I took a deep breath. He misunderstood it. "I'll go home in the morning." He said, not able to look at me.
"Wha -- NO! I didn't -- I mean -- NO! I was just -- I don't want you to go tomorrow! Fred -- I want -- I want - " I was at a loss for words.
"What do you want, Haoli? Do you know? I know what I want."
"What - - what do you want, Fred?"
"Lot's of things, actually, but lets start with -- just one night -- no promises -- no expectations. That's all I want - - That's all I -- expect -- no -- ask." He looked deeply into my eyes. "what do you want?"
"I -- guess -- I want the same."
Fred looked dismayed -- then sad. For about ½ second apiece, then he gave me his winning smile. "Okay then -- we can agree on that much. Tomorrow then?"
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Tomorrow!" I repeated.
I then grabbed him and pulled him to me. I embraced him closely and grabbing his butt, pulled him into me. We both closed out eyes and stood frozen in a moment of time -- no -- a moment of bliss. He laid his head on my chest and I didn't want to leave. But finally we broke away and he said, "I'll see my `friends' tonight and say good bye to them. And then tomorrow I'm yours."
"You really DO have other friends here?" I said, wide eyed.
He shook his head. "Haoli -- what am I gonna do with you!?"
"Oh! Okay!" I said. I kissed him deeply and ran out to Grampa's car and somehow found my way back to their house. I rehearsed what I'd tell them when I got back.
The sun was just going down when I got back to Grampa's house. When I walked in I heard groaning coming from down the hall. I ran down the hall and opened the door. It was Grampa and Nana's room. "Are you okay?" I said, worriedly.
"Yes, Tony. We're okay." Said Grampa with a silly smirk on his face.
Oh no. Oh no Oh no Oh no!!! I didn't! I couldn't! But -- I did!
"You -- are home earlier than we expected." Said Nana. "We thought you would visit with your -- um -- new friend -- longer."
I was ready for that statement. "Fred had to meet his other friends tonight. They are leaving early in the morning."
"Then Fred will be free in the morning? Would he like to come to breakfast here? Or no -- if he has only one night with his friends -- he'll probably rather come for brunch! Do you want to invite him?"
"Actually we made plans to spend tomorrow together -- kind of exploring. He's been here before, but there are places he wants to see."
"Well, that's wonderful! So odd that your first friend here would be from Hawaii!" Said Nana. Grampa just had one eyebrow up -- and was still smirking.
I called Fred's cell phone. "Gosh I'm lonely!" he said. I walked outside.
"Sorry. Nana wants to know if you want to come over tomorrow morning for brunch."
"Brunch. Supper. I guess that's the way old people eat, huh?"
"No, they assumed that you would be with your other friends late and wouldn't want to come early tomorrow morning."
"When are you gonna tell them?"
"What? They know I'm gay."
"When are you gonna tell them about me -- that you knew me before?"
"Grampa already knows - I think." As I said that Grampa came outside. "SSSO! You'll come? What? Breakfast at the Hotel? Okay -- so about 10:30 -- or so -- for brunch -- okay? Good -- bye!"
"Hotel? I thought he was at the super 8?"
"He was afraid to leave his car parked there. We moved him to the Sheraton -- closer to the airport."
"M-hmh! I need to talk to you about something, Tony."
Here it comes!
"Um -- when our bedroom door is closed -- please knock first."
"Huh? Oh -- Grampa -- I'm so sorry! I just didn't -- I mean -- I heard groans!"
"Those were good groans. Just knock -- okay?"
"Yeah -- sorry!" And just when I thought I was off the hook - -
"Oh and -- Tony? This Fred -- he's what you were running away from -- wasn't he?"
"I -- I'm -- sorry Grampa! I -- um -- thought you knew. But -- well -- no -- not exactly. Yes, he was part of the reason. I was so confused. There were several and I couldn't -- couldn't - "
" -- make up your mind?"
I sat -- or rather plopped -- down on the porch glider. "I knew that Fred was rich. It just didn't occur to me that he would follow me over here."
"Your dad must like him."
"Huh?"
"Well, your dad or your mother. How else would he be able to find you so easily"
"I guess." I said, shaking my head. "We decided -- no promises -- no expectations."
"His words, I'll allow." Said Grandpa. I am amazed at my Grampa's perception. "He wants you back, Tony -- really badly. I could see the way he was looking at you. I could also see the way you were looking at him!"
"Huh?"
"Hungrily."
"Oh. Yeah -- I missed him."
Grampa then did something that blew me away. He tossed me his keys. "Go to him. The sooner you figure this out -- the sooner both of you can get on with your lives."
I ran to the car and sped (after I was out of sight of the house!) to the Sheraton. I enrolled a porter into helping me. He knocked at Fred's room door. Fred came and opened it a crack. "Huh?" he said, squinting against the light in the hallway.
"Room service, sir."
"I didn't order anything from room service." He said and started to close the door. I forced it open and stood in the door grinning. His room was dark. He came out into the hall in no more than his boxer shorts and stood in front of the door. "I met someone at the pool, Haoli."
"Huh?" I said. He pointed back into the room with his thumb over his shoulder. Suddenly I felt sick. "Oh." I said and walked slowly away.
"See you tomorrow morning?" He said weakly.
"I guess." I said.
As I was walking back to the parking garage, my phone rang. It was Fred. "Come back, Haoli. He's gone. Please?"
Notes: Indeed -- how does Tony get himself into these predicaments? Comments are welcome -- to Steve at Stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and -- love, Steve