This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!
(CA) Ben Hastings -- First love
(Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years)
Lucas diMarco -- my dad
Wendy diMarco -- my mom.
Joseph -- my Brother -- 17
Levi -- my brother - 15
Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.
Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary
Ashton Staedler -- New friend
Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother
Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend
Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator
From Ch. 10:
"Stop saying you're sorry and just relax. It's completely normal." Up to this point, his body was stiff as a board. He relaxed into me and I hugged his arm. I kissed his fingers. He giggled.
"Guess that's my g'night kiss. "G'night!" He said and he kissed my neck so gently that it sent a shiver through me and I felt a squirt of precum ooze out. He probably felt my butt clench, but all he did after that was relax some more and sigh through his nose- which also tickled my neck and I squirted another one. I smiled to myself.
"Gnight." I said. That was all I remembered of the night.
Chapter 11
"Ahh!" Said Sister James, awakening us both with a start. "your face looks much better already -- except for the stripes -- they just look rather comical!"
She didn't seem to notice -- or maybe care -- that Rollie was completely on top of me and of course she couldn't have known (could she?) that our boners were pressed firmly together and pulsing non-stop! Rollie turned his head to her, but lay it on my chest.
"Hi Mom. What's up?"
"You are, so I can get a better look at your friend -- Tony is it?"
"Mom -- we really need to -- um -- go pee first -- if you know what I mean."
"Of course I do. Let me know when I can look at the patient."
She left the bedroom. Rollie eased himself off me. Our underwear stuck together momentarily. When he moved away, he looked down and his mouth fell open. I looked and my dick was sticking out of the fly.
"Oops! That's the problem with boxers." I said. "That never happened with my garmies."
"I know." He said, snapping the elastic of his. "They keep us safely inside!" He started to get off me. "No!" I said.
"What's wrong?!" He exclaimed.
"I just don't want you to go yet."
"You don't know my mom!"
"It didn't look like this would be a problem to her." I said.
"Oh -- that's true. She knows how I feel, and it isn't a problem for her. But she expects to give you an over-all -- momentarily."
"Over-all?" I said incredulously.
"Well, you can wear your boxers. Don't worry she won't touch anything that would embarrass you.
"Just being scrutinized by her in my skivvies is embarrassing to me!" I said, stuffing my oversized member into my boxers.
"Okay -- so you get the bathroom first." He giggled, rearranging his tee shirt to cover his still engorged bone.
I got up and grabbed my shorts from the floor and shuffled into them, and started to exit the room. "I -- um -- really liked -- it." He said.
"Huh?"
"Last night. I really liked it."
"Oh. Thanks." I said
"Oh - - okay."
"What?"
"Did you - - like it?"
"I'm sorry, Rollie. I was just trying to -- um -- lose this wood before I have to see you mom. I thought that I probably made it clear how I felt when -- when -- I put your hand on my - "
"Oh -- yeah. Okay. Thanks."
I turned to him. His boner was still as protrusive as mine was. "Rollie, I think we need to talk about this later -- at length!" I said and I winked at him. He gave me his signature grin. He looked so sweet standing there in his very white tee and long, knee length underwear. But it was that very thing that lost me my wood. I am not sure that I want to be the one responsible for this sweet guy to have to take off his garmies.
I went to the bathroom and peed, not bothered any more by my morning wood. I felt jealous of the sight of him wearing the very underwear that I now deprive myself of. AS I was squeezing out the last few drops of yellow liquid into the toilet, they were joined by some other, not yellow but rather salty drops. I turned around and sat.
My face gingerly in my hands, I wondered what to do. Maybe I need to get away -- away from my parents -- away from ay present circle of friends -- maybe go to California -- or somewhere else on the mainland. Wherever I go, I will be in sight of that ever present spire. And -- aren't these the people I trust?
I got up and went back to the bedroom. Sister James was there waiting for me. That in itself was unnerving to me. I should just see her as a nurse or doctor, but -- she's my friend's mother!
She felt the skin on the left side of my face -- the good side -- as well as the right side. Then she felt my chest and tummy -- very gently. She stroked my forehead with her fingernails as last night. "The tissue seems to be like the rest of the tissue in your body. You'll be fine! Just keep eating what I give you -- and nothing else -= and you should heal very fast -- maybe two -- three weeks."
"I can't be away from my job that long."
"You won't have to be. Rollie tells me that you ride downhill with bikers -- at Haleakala. That's good. Just be careful not to fall and -- I will send home a diet for your mother to make for you -- and some herbs. You will be just fine."
"How soon do you think I should go?"
"I can't make that determination. It would hurt my boy if I told you today, wouldn't it?"
"Huh?"
"He really likes you and -- so do I. He needs a good friend. We will both be sad when you go back to your island."
"We will still be good friends." I said.
"Good friends need to be in person. Good friends need contact, the warmth that only sight, sound and touch can bring - - hugs! It is a cold relationship when there is no touching. Rollie has not had a friend that he could touch like he did you last night. And I could see -- you were edified by his touch too."
I was deep in thought for a moment, recalling last night - - and this morning. "Yes -- I was. Thank you. You have helped me a lot."
"You have helped Rollie a lot."
"How?" I asked.
"In the Hawaiian culture, it is not bad for men to touch each other, if it is their wish to do so. The ancient Hawaiians seemed cold and distant sometimes to the Missionaries -- not the Mormon missionaries -- but the original missionaries that came to bring Christianity to the Islands. They thought this because we did not grieve long for those who we lost. We grieved deeply and sometimes privately. And when there was a baby that was not whole, it was our custom to give the child to the sea. This too was repulsive to the missionaries.
"But it was our way to give this child back to his creator -- so that he would not have to bear the pain of an unfulfilled life.
"There is little else that is as sad as an unfulfilled life. When a man -- in the ancient Hawaiian culture - felt more alive touching another man -- he was not prevented by our culture from the fulfillment that he craved. That too was repulsive to the missionaries. It is no surprise then that the Mormon Missionaries did so well in the Islands. They did not condemn the people for their ancient practices. They taught a new way, but did not have scorn for the old way."
I don't know when it was that we sat face to face and held hands. But it felt good. But reality was ever present. "Thank you so much for -- talking to me. Some things make a little more sense now. And -- if it's okay with you, I will stay a couple more days."
"I am sure that Rollin would welcome that. And I would love it too." She said.
"Mahalo." I said.
"Are we finished with the Hawaiian history lesson?" Said Rollie, grinning.
"Tony will be staying for another week." Said Sister James. Rollie's face and grin broadened even more.
"As soon as I get home from work, we can go see how Fred is doing."
"What are the doctors doing to him?" Asked Sister James.
"Mother! Maybe Fred should come here too! You could probably help him too!"
"What are they doing?" she asked.
"When we left yesterday he was on his way to a CT Scan -- to see if there was damage in his head."
"I will go with you -- and talk to him. What about his parents?"
"Fred is 32, Mom. And -- his mother is also Hawaiian -- or rather Mariana."
"Same thing. Good, she will understand."
Missing text
"Sorry." I said, not really meaning it.
"Yeah -- right!" he said, giggling, and this time he placed my hand on his. I squeezed it once and let it go. I felt very drowsy all of a sudden.
The next thing I felt was Rollie, pulling away from me and easing out of bed. He let himself out and when he didn't come back immediately -- I assumed he was just going to the bathroom for a minute - I followed him to the door.
"But Mom," I heard him say, "I really like him. Do you think he could be -- the one?"
"But -- he's not Hawaiian, Baby."
"Um -- duh! Neither was my dad."
"Yes -- and look where that got us."
"That's not fair. Tony is nothing like my father."
"Sweet Baby Boy, this is not my decision. You asked my opinion. I gave it. It's now out of my hands. Mixed race relationships -- are not -- ideal. Especially here!" She said. "Look at what happened to your friend just because he was white -- speaking of not fair -- and with a Hawaiian."
"I really like him."
"So do I, Baby -- so do I. Now we both need to sleep."
"Maybe you do. I'm wide awake." I almost laughed out loud when I heard him say that while yawning.
I heard him coming back. I quickly jumped back in bed, feeling guilty that I was eavesdropping.
In the dark, I saw the door open and he came back to the bed, looked down on me and started to climb up to the upper bunk.
"Hi." I said.
"Oh!" He said and slipped and almost stepped on my face. "Omigod! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Rollie -- yeah," I said, "More than you could know. But why are you climbing up there?"
"I -- um -- like you -- um -- too much to sleep with you -- Tony."
"Um -- okay -- I THINK I understand that." I said. I was having very mixed feelings. I wish I didn't hear what he said to his mom. But I did. And tomorrow night I'm probably sleeping with Fred. I don't know what to do -- what to say -- anything!
Then he climbed up on the upper bed, and I heard a hollow clunk. Then the soft strumming of a ukulele. It was soothing to me -- to my spirit. Then he started to sing a sweet island song I had not heard before. But his voice was mesmerizing and I imagined us on a sandy beach, as suggested by the lyrics.
Then he sang another, very romantic and suggestive song. I could not keep visions of Fred and me -- alternating with Rollie and me - Rolling around on the soft sand in a cool evening breeze.
I shook my head to clear it. How could I even think of Fred, while this innocent was singing to me? I saw his leg dangling over the side, as he sat up there and strummed and sang in a typically falsetto Hawaiian voice -- a voice of an angel. I could easily see the white of his temple garment/underwear on his leg and I felt a deep pang of regret. I suddenly felt naked, with my boxers and missing top.
I reached into the bottom of my back pack and pulled out a piece of my own undershirt and smelled and felt the soft cotton, and lay my face on it and silently wept -- as he sang sweetly, oblivious to what he was doing to me. I felt so confused, mixed and devastated, as I felt almost an overwhelming urge to pull him down on top of me and also a deep shame for wanting to defile this angel. I compared myself to the men of Sodom as they demanded that Lot deliver the angels to them to ravage.
He stopped strumming and said, "G'night Tony."
"G'night Angel." I whispered.
"What?"
"G'night, Rollie."
He dangled his hand over the side. I took it and he squeezed mine. I raised up and kissed it. "G'night."
"What's this?" Asked Fred, as I opened the door of the Mercedes I rented for the day. I knew his was already returned to the rental company, and as luck would have it, the same car was available. "I thought - - I hope I haven't been paying for this car the whole time in the hospital!"
I laughed. "Nope! I knew you liked these, so I splurged."
"My God, that's so sweet! But - - can you really afford - "
"No, but I also knew you wanted to make our date nice. It didn't exactly turn out quite the way you expected the other night."
"Tuh! Yeah -- blew that one, didn't I? Well, yeah, this time it will be different. You know the way to the Royal Hawaiian?"
"I may be from Maui, but -- duh!" I said as I drove around the turn-around that led away from the hospital entrance.
"Um -- I'm paying for the car!" He said.
"No -- you're not! This is gonna be a mutual date. I won't have it any other way." I left out that I didn't want to feel owing to him for anything -- at this time. He was being a perfect gentleman and wonderful guy. I got on the freeway and drove toward Waikiki. When we got to Kuhio street, he said, Let's go to Hard Rock. It's just across the canal at - "
"I know where it is." I said, and drove around the aging Outrigger Hotel that they were in the process of revamping and updating. "They should just tear that place down and start over!" I added.
"Well, the problem is -- the outriggers are pretty much 2/3 full most of the time, because they are the most affordable and occupy prime locations in Waikiki."
I drove around the hotel and turned left on Ala Wai Blvd, adjacent to the canal and then crossed the bridge to the Hard Rock Café. "Good -- it's early enough that it's not overflowing yet." He said. "Let's have a small lunch, and I want to take you to the Sheraton Hanohano Room for dinner.
At the Hard Rock, Fred suggested the grilled salmon . "It looks like the only thing that Sister James would approve of. And I KNOW my mom will be asking about that, after her talk with Sister James! Tonight will be different though. Tonight, it's anything on the eanu. So -- do you want the Salmon?"
"It looks great. Wow, salmon with a spinach Alfredo sauce. It sounds pretty rich, but -- you're the boss!"
After Lunch, I drove us the three blocks to Kalakaua Ave., and the Royal Hawaiian. The parking attendants were all young and hot looking guys. The guy that opened my door to let me out, smiled -- as his eyes roamed over - - the car! He gave me a ticket and lifted our back packs out for us. We could have done it, but I guess we looked a mess because he still had a cross of bandages holding his nose in place, and my face was still black and blue, with remnants of the striping I got falling asleep in the sun at Rollie's house.
He beckoned another guy over and handed him our bags. "Take Mr. Stumpf's and his friend's bags to their room. Then he went over to Fred's side and smiled. "Fred! You ARE a mess. Your mother said you got in a bit of a tiff over on the north shore."
"It was Laie. Yeah, we are just here for tonight, Lonnie." Fred said as they hugged. "This is my cousin -- my REAL cousin, Lonnie, Tony."
I extended my hand, missionary style. He presented his fist, and gingerly bumped my fist. Then he looked between us and said, "Boy that ass hole really got you both, didn't he?"
"Yeah. I got a concussion. I'm sure his fist was backed up by 300 pounds of flab and muscle."
"OOO! Yeah, your mom said you may not be able to dive any more." Said Lonnie with a sympathetic pout.
"My mother likes to dramatize things. But I WILL have to lay low for awhile."
"I'd like to get that fucker in a room by myself, I'll tell you that1" Said Lonnie.
Fred leaned in close and whispered something to Lonnie. "Oh, sorry for the language Elder!" Said Lonnie to me.
"I'm not on a mission any more, but I appreciate it."
"Yeah -- how is that going -- your Taikwondo, Lonnie?"
"Third level Black. "I'll pretest for fourth level in a week, and plan to go to Korea for the actual test in January."
"Geez! January? It'll be freezing there that time of year!"
"Yeah, but you don't put off testing because of a little cold weather!" Said lonnie, jumping into the Mercedes. "Call before leaving your room and I'll get your car here before you're down here, Schmuckie!" and he laughed and drove off.
"What's Schmuckie?" I asked as we walked in the entrance.
"His way of reminding me -- He's straight and I'm not. He and I tried a lot of things growing up. We both liked it -- but when he was 12, he noticed girls. I didn't!" We walked onto the elevator.
When the bell rang for our room, he leaned over and pecked me on the lips. I gave him a surprised smile. He grinned. "Sorry, bells make me do that -- when no one's looking!" He giggled.
"No need to be sorry on my account!" I said, and kissed him back a little more seriously. We barely had time to break apart when the door opened and there was an older couple standing waiting for the elevator. As soon as the door was closed, we broke out laughing.
He led me to the room. "They'll usually give us their best room, but today the bridal suites are all taken and so are the other suites, except for the presidential suite. They leave that open by tradition. You'd be amazed how many of the U.S presidents have stayed here, starting with Franklin Roosevelt, when it opened."
He opened the door and I was pleasantly surprised. The room was relatively small and had a freestanding wardrobe, and period furniture for the 1930's. They have kept it more primitive, like when it was built. There was a queen sized bed, which sat high, and everything was antique, including the wash basin.
He saw me looking around. "Yeah, I like it too." Let's get our shorts on and go out to the beach. "You need to soften those stripes on your face!" He giggled. I scowled , but only in jest. He shucked all his clothes before I had begun. He then came to me and unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt.
When he saw my tee shirt, he visibly stepped back a half step. "Oh!" He exclaimed. "Your garmies!" He said.
"Yeah, I said, undoing the rest of my shirt by myself. "I felt naked." He turned his back and did some business with his back pack and the dresser. I took it all off. ""It's safe now." I said.
He turned and his face was red. "I -- I'm sorry, I didn't -- expect - "
"It's okay, I'll put them away." I said, and I carefully folded them and stuffed them back to the bottom of my back pack, feeling - - uneasy -- or something.
We were both still naked and I made a move toward him -- not on purpose -- and he backed away and turned and put on his shorts. With his back to me, he said, softly, "Please don't take them off because of me."
"I took them off because we are going out to the beach."
"You know what I mean." He said.
"I did indeed. All I could think of was "a shield and protection." I was relatively sure he wouldn't know what that meant. I sat on the bed, still with nothing on. "Please come here, Fred." I said. He approached warily. "Fred, they're not your concern. They're mine. I'm 22 years old and - "
" -- and I'm 32!"
"I don't think you do. You haven't been to the temple -- I mean inside for ordinance work -- right?"
"I have." He said, sitting down next to me on the bed.
"Oh! When - "
"It was in preparation for my mission. I went to through all the temple work, two weeks before I was to leave on my mission. The Saturday night before my missionary farewell at church -- was the first time I -- was together with -- a guy. And I didn't take them off." My mouth dropped open. "Obviously I never made it to the farewell -- or my mission. Of course I told my bishop. And Tony -- that moment -- I felt freer than any time prior to that in my life. It was a defining moment for me.
`But -- I have immense respect for the priesthood and those garments." He added
"Yeah, me too -- that's why I put them away." I gently tugged on his chin so he turned toward me. I looked deeply -- searchingly -- into his eyes. I wondered what other revelations would come to light between us.
Our faces drew closer and we kissed gently and sweetly. He grabbed my -- shorts and dropped them in my lap. "Let's go out to the beach." He said softly.
Near the elevator, on the way out of the elevator, a picture on the wall grabbed my attention. It was of President Franklin D. Roosevelt and another old man, in front of the hotel. I read in the caption that the other, older, man was Captain William Matson, owner of Matson Lines shipping company. HE had bought the Moana Mansion, a huge home on the beach at Waikiki in 1901, so that there would be someplace for travelers on his ships to stay. I tried to imagine Waikiki with no hotels!
Then in 1939 he built the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, and that became the Western White House for President Roosevelt.
We walked out to the beach, looking like two freakaziods -- which was a little intimidating, but we just sat on the white sand and lay back in the sun. With the warmth on my face it was almost as if I could feel the healing taking place.
We stayed only an hour, before going in the refreshing, clear water to cool off before going back to our room to get dressed and walk across the street to the International Market. In Maui we don't have places quite like that. It is completely touristy, and I even felt like one. It is one of the few places -- besides the chain and fast food restaurants -- where you can eat a meal for less than a week's rent anywhere else. But we didn't go there to eat.
I saw a neat pendant of three sea gulls on a thin leather thong. I asked to see it up close. Fred walked away to look at a shirt or something. I put it around my neck in front of a mirror. It was sterling silver and looked classy against my tanned skin. I gave it back to the merchant and we walked down the mall to a surf shop. "Do you surf?" Asked Fred.
"I -- well, I have." I said. "But I'm not big into it. You?"
"Hey, I'm Hawaiian -- it's almost a requirement you know! I mean everyone comes here to surf the North shore -- Turtle Bay."
"Have you done the big waves there?" I asked.
"Yeah. It's exciting in a way that can't be compared to anything else."
I thought about Ben Hastings. I met him while he was on a surfing trip. There was still a moment of ache in my heart. Until that moment, I had been ignoring a headache. I knew we should go back to the hotel, but I was enjoying being with this sweet Hawaiian boy; well, okay - - man. "Are you okay?" He asked."
"Does it show?" I asked. "I have a bit of a headache."
"Well, lets get back to the hotel. My nose is throbbing too." He said.
We walked around to the western entrance of the mall and he patted his pockets. "Shit!" He said. when he saw my surprised look, he said. "Sorry, I must have left my cell phone in one of the stores. I think I know where. I'll be right back."
"I can go with you!" I said.
"No, you sit here, and I'll go find it."
I sat on a bench just inside the mall, and watched the thousands of tourists from all over the world as he disappeared into them. After about 20 minutes he reappeared. "Ha!" He said. "It was on the floor of the dressing room where I tried on a pair of pants. Now let's get these two crippled old men back to our room so we can rest up for a wonderful night!"
The ground floor of the Royal Hawaiian -- like most other hotels here -- is open air, but up in the rooms it is usually quite cool. We turned the temperature up on the air conditioning and both took some of the pain meds that our doctors had given us and lay down on the queen sized bed. I closed my eyes. I could feel the warmth of Fred's body lying close, but not touching mine.
His hand touched mine and he hooked my little finger with his. The next thing I knew, I was waking up, with my arm across Fred's chest. He was on his back, and I was on my side up close to him. His arm was under my neck, but my neck was on my pillow. I opened my eyes and was facing him. He was awake, looking up at the antique light fixture above us.
"I could do this forever." He said.
"Huh?"
"You're so comfortable -- for me. This feels -- good." When I didn't answer, he said, "It's time to get ready to go to dinner, Tony."
He got off the bed and shucked his clothes and walked to the bathroom. I lay there as I heard him turn on the shower.
I then got up and followed him to the bathroom and climbed in the shower with him. "hi!" he said, pleasingly surprised. In the shower, naked, the difference in our heights seemed more pronounced. I am 6'-1" tall and he's about 6" shorter. He had just lathered up a wash cloth, so he started to wash my chest. I stood there while he washed every part of me, lingering only a short moment on my boner, then ending with my face, which he very carefully washed.
Then I did the same to him. Even with my tan, my skin looked white next to his darkness.
He smiled up at me as I washed his crotch, dragging the wash cloth between is scrotum and inner thighs. "I guess you got your blue eyes from your dad?" I asked. "My gosh they are gorgeous!"
"Actually, one of my grandfathers on my mother's side had very blue eyes. I was told that mine were the same shade. There are a lot of blue eyed people in the Marianas."
I washed his face careful not to hurt his nose too much. When I was finished, we both stood under the shower for about ten minutes. We both liked it very hot. He hugged me. There was no shame in the fact that we both sported wood, his pressing firmly up under my balls. With his head on my chest, he used the `c' word again. "You feel so comfortable." His hands were resting -- um -- comfortably -- on my butt cheeks.
We got dressed in nicer clothes than usual, but still not like the tourists. When we were ready to walk out the door, I saw it. Around his neck was the exact same pendant I had seen earlier. My mouth dropped, as I obviously ogled it.
"You like it?"
"Duh!"
"Good! I got it for you!" he said as he unclasped the thong.
"Why?" I said, protesting mildly, as he put it up around my neck.
"Um - I forgot your birthday?"
"You don't even know when my birthday is!" I said, starting to unclasp it from my neck.
"Wait! Tony -- I feel responsible for you getting hurt. I - "
"That's ridiculous!" I said placing it in his hands. He closed it up in his hand and looked up to me.
His eyes were glassy. "Please wear it. It would make me feel a lot better. I want you to feel good about me -- I mean -- if you don't feel this, I do. I feel like it was all my fault. It was stupid of me to - "
He was holding the pendant out to me. I took it. "I'll take it if you'll shut up all this talk about fault. Tell me you got it for me because you like me, but - "
"That's exactly why I got it for you. And I want you to like me back."
"You can't buy my affection." I said, putting it around my neck and clasping it again. "I already like you! I feel bad because I didn't get you anything."
"If you did, it would not be a gift. It would be a stupid exchange. If you got me something -- just because I did it first -- that would make both gifts trite and also it would be insulting. You have grown up in Hawaii. Do I have to give you lessons in the Aloha spirit? I know it's a hype thing here, but it's based on something beautiful. Just accept my gift as a very uninspired token of my - - like for you."
"Thanks." I whispered, and kissed his lips. He came back on me carefully but passionately. "Thanks a lot!" I reiterated.
We finished polishing ourselves and left our room for dinner at the top of the Sheraton, across the street.
If you never read the notes, please read those below:
Notes: Ashton, Rollin, Fred? Each one seems right -- while Tony's with him. And what happened to Ben, and Johnnie? It's only been a few days since Tony has seen each of them. I know some of you want some sex, but this isn't about sex. It will happen when it's right. And when it does happen it will BE right!
So ... I have made a decision: I am once more going to try to turn my back on homosexuality and sublimate my sexual attraction to men. I have had a few minor religious experiences lately and have decided it's time to give it another try.
Thanks for your friendship and Please wish me well. I will always love the friendships I have made while writing my stories, but in writing about Tony, I have gotten very emotionally involved with his and the others' struggles and almost decided to end the story with Tony, Rollie, Fred, Johnnie and Ben Fisk all making a pact to try to make it "Playing it Straight". They each have tried it before, and I know from experience that if they are serious about the quest, their struggles are just beginning.
But ... Rather than do that, I will say to my readers that I will let you all imagine a new beginning for Tony ... and the others if you are of that mind - that suits you. This has been a constant struggle for me through the years, and ... being married for 42 years, with 4 children and 16 grandchildren; and having put up with a wife who quite literally went insane while trying to raise our four, so that I had to be both mom and dad to them; and having fallen for several young men, whom I still love to this day; and finally ...
Having been a "Born-again" Christian, before graduating to accept the Gospel as taught by the Chrurch of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints, and believing in the principle of repentance and of forgiveness - I must once more try to forgive my wife for her offenses and offensive behavior for at least 20 years of our life ... as now she is again the sweet girl I married ... now that there are no more children to make her crazy!
I had earlier decided that just returning to her former sweet disposition was not enough but yesterday I was quite impressed with several lessons in church meetings that were seemingly zeroed in on me and my problem.
That problem is NOT homosexuality, but rather the problem of not forgiving my wife. For those of you have understanding: Seven times seventy!
Always remember that love rules ...
Love, Steve