There's this song from Jessica Simpson called something like 'Did you ever love someone who never knew?' I started to like that song, because indeed that did happen to me. And that's the story I'm about to tell. I've changed the names of the people I write about.
I'm 20 and in the second year of college. I know for 5 years or more I'm gay, but no one else knows. Although my parents do know after my mother found some pictures of shirtless celebrities I got out off teen music magazines. I tried to convince the it might be a stage I'm going through, but I don't think they bought it. Anyway, it wasn't until the last week before Christmas holiday that I noticed this great looking guy who was in his first year. But he was as old as me though. It was on a Wednesday when the teacher was gone the first hour so we went to the computer room, were his class had computer lessons. We went to make some computer exercises. I suddenly noticed him staring at me. I looked at him too, but couldn't help avoiding his stare (what if anyone would see it?). In the short glance I had, I noticed he was one good looking guy. Blue eyes, short brown hair and he seemed a bit muscular too. Back home I took the schoolbook with pictures of every student in it. There he was, Stephen. His address, birth date and phone number stood there too. But like I said it got Christmas holiday and I couldn't see him for three weeks, so I had to comfort myself with his picture in the schoolbook. He got the main subject of my nightly fantasies. After the holiday we had exams and I didn't see him then either. After the exams finally I saw him again. I was sitting in the hall. I had claas next to his class. When I looked in the class I saw him taking the stuff out of his bag. But he didn't watch the bag, he looked straight into my eyes! Again I startled and I looked a different way. When I looked back, this time he got a bit embarassed and turned around. He had his hair painted during the holiday, 'cause now he had blond spikes in his brown hair, which even made him more attractive. This went on and on for weeks. Passing each other in the hallway, gazing in each others' eyes, but not having the courage to even say 'Hi.' nor to smile at each other. In the school cafeteria I was sitting next to a table of girls of his class. Suddenly he came over to me. My heart skipped a few beats. Of course he went to those girls to ask them something. All the time he was talking to them he was standing right next to me. I hardly dared to look at him, because I was sitting at the table with my classmates. He seemed a bit uncomfortable too. I was wondering whether he was gay and maybe he was wondering the same about me. The best experience, though, was still to come. At our school, like in any school probably, there are lots of stairs. But our stairs continue on to the third floor and then you have to go round a corner. One day I just got around that corner to go down and accidently bumped into someone who just got up. It was Stephen! Again we just looked at each other. We didn't even say 'Sorry.' or anything! All the time crazy things went through my mind, like writing him an anonymous loveletter or something. But I suppressed the ideas each time. Then one day I saw him coming in the school building, walking towards his class. They talked for a while until the teacher came. Everyone entered the classroom, except for him. He turned around and went out again. On his way he saw some other people he knew and I heard him telling them he was going to work. He had given up school and found a job. I never ever saw him since that day, when I litterally saw his nice behind walking out the building. I was frustrated the rest of the day. People asked me what was wrong several times, but of course I always had some lame excuse that I just didn't feel good. The only thing I have left of him is his picture in the schoolbook, together with his address, birthdate and phone number. I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to write or call him. I don't even know for sure whether he is gay or not. But that wouldn't matter, 'cause now I found someone else to 'look' at and I know for sure he's gay. The whole school knows. I wish I was that far too. I can't wait for my time to come.
Tell me what you think of this story. If you have any advice, please let me know too at Damon_Brooks@cycosmos.co.uk
That's the story
Thanks
Damon