Devotion Chapter Thirty-Nine: "Insecurities and Resolutions"
Disclaimer: Fiction.
notes: I'm going away for Spring Break this Friday (tomorrow) so I won't be here for a week. I know! A whole week! So I'm going to try to send in chapter 40 (which I just wrote) tomorrow before I go. I'll be back Sunday, so, if I don't have time tomorrow, I'll send it in then.
Anyway, I hope that you like this chapter! I know it's a little late; I'd finished it yesterday, but I wanted to edit it before I sent it in. Oh, and feel free to send me feedback! I might not answer it right away if you send it while I'm out of town (duh! >.<) but I'll be sure to answer it right when I get back. And thank you to anyone who has sent me feedback! It means so much to me!
Oh, and to Dara: I can't wait for "Dust to Dust," but yes, I'm totally confused now ^~ -Angel ^^
Chapter Thirty-Nine: "Insecurities and Resolutions "Let's watch a movie," Joey suggested, flopping onto the bed. "Let's go shopping," Chris put in, bouncing up and down next to the New Yorker. "Let's not jump on my bed," Lance said sternly, glaring at the twenty-eight year-old. "Let's go somewhere where we can talk privately," JC whispered to the young man beside him. Justin nodded, feeling a little nervous. "Let's," he agreed, following the brunet to the door. "Justin and I are going to be in my room if you need us," JC announced to the group. "Okay, cool. If we actually decided to do something, we'll let you know," Lance called from where he was trying to pull Chris off of his bed. Justin laughed. "Okay thanks." With that, the two young men exited the room. For a moment, there was silence. Joey quickly ruined the moment. "So, what do you think they're doing? Making out?" "Probably making up," Lance guessed. "Those two are no where *near* making out." "They were fighting again?" Joey asked, seeming amazed. "Damn, how often do they *do* that? I don't think I could stand it if I was always fighting with someone that important to me." "Wow, I must not be very high on your list of favorite people," Chris joked. Joey threw a pillow at him in response. "Not the pillows," Lance mumbled, but neither of his bandmates noticed. The Mississippian sighed. "So, what do you two want to do?" "Let's watch a movie," Joey suggested, walking into the kitchenette. "Let's go shopping," Chris put in, replacing the pillow on the bed. Lance sighed. Somehow he could tell that this difficult day was about to get worse. "Wow," Justin began as he watched his bandmate close the door to the hotel room. "Your room has a much better view than mine does." JC turned around. "Justin, I'm sorry that I've been so distant lately. I've just been feeling really insecure about our relationship, and even though you make me happy, even though *this* makes me happy, I keep wondering if we made the right decision. I'm worried about telling the guys. I know I shouldn't be, but I am; Joey especially." Justin blinked at the brunet. "Or, we could get right to the point," he muttered to himself, dropping onto the bed. Not hearing him, the other man continued, "I don't know how you feel about our relationship, but I get the feeling that you don't view it the way I do. The way I wanted to." JC paused, looking sadly at the blonde sitting on his bed. "I'm not sure that it's working out." Justin remained frozen on the bed, his brain trying to process everything JC had just told him. Finally, at least part of what the older man was saying hit him. "You want to break up?" JC looked away. "Not really, no. But ever since we *did* break up, I don't know... I've just been so-" JC paused, searching for the right word. "Scared. I've been scared to get too attached, even though it's really too late for that. But more importantly, I've been scared that you want to leave. I feel like you do." "I don't," Justin assured the older man quickly. Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, the teen asked, "Why would you think that I did?" JC sighed and moved to take a seat next to the blonde. "Justin," he began, turning to face the blonde. "Do you remember a couple days ago, when we were going out to brunch? In the taxi?" Justin nodded. "The morning we first kissed," he replied with a grin. "Well, not really the *first* time, but that's not important. Of course I remember." JC smiled briefly, before turning serious once again. "Justin, do you remember what you told me that morning?" "That I loved you," the nineteen year-old answered immediately. "Besides that," JC prompted. Justin searched his memory, trying to recall something that he had told JC that would have made such an impression on the older man. "I told you I thought the waitress was pretty," Justin tried. JC shook his head. "In the taxi," he reminded the younger man. Justin let out a breath in frustration. "I don't really remember the taxi ride. I know that you closed up on me, and I know that I made you pay, but-" Justin stopped and turned to the older man. "You're angry that I made you pay? But I didn't have my wallet!" JC laughed despite himself. "No, money has nothing to do with this." Turning somber, the twenty-four year-old said, "I guess you didn't really notice, then." Justin sighed mentally. /Great going, Timberlake. Something stupid that you did has been eating at him this whole time and you don't even remember what it is! What a great boyfriend *you* make. No wonder he wants to dump you./ Justin frowned and JC frowned in turn. "Just, what's wrong?" the brunet asked, his voice full of concern. "I'm a lousy boyfriend, aren't I?" Justin replied in answer. "Of course you're not a lousy boyfriend," JC assured the younger man. "Justin, I'm not trying to tell you that. *I'm* the one who's being the bad boyfriend. I'm not good enough for you, Justin." Without his being able to help it, Justin's mouth dropped open. "Are you *kidding* me?!" the blonde exclaimed. "You're amazing! You do *everything* for me! You make me feel special, you make me feel alive. You make me feel loved. How could you say you're not good enough for me? I'm the one who doesn't do anything for *you.*" "That's not true," JC protested. "Justin, you spend time with me, that's all I need. You let me hold you, you come to me when something's wrong, you let me love you. What more could I ask for?" /You could ask for *him* to love *you,*/ a voice in the back of the brunet's mind reminded him. JC ignored it best he could. "I ask you to hold me and I come crying to you all the time. Those aren't necessarily good things," Justin argued. "Justin, you know I hate it when you cry, but you also know that I would hate it even more if you didn't come to me when you *do* cry. I'd be devastated. And I *like* holding you," the twenty-four year-old added with a smile. "I love you, Josh," Justin said quietly, looking at his feet shyly. "I don't know why you love me back, I never have. But you know what? I love you enough to leave you alone, if that's what you want." JC sighed and pulled the younger man into an embrace. "That's not what I want, Just. That's not what I want at all. I don't want you to leave me alone. I just don't know if this relationship is what we need right now. We're fighting all the time, and that's not good for us *or* the group. I love you, Curly, I always will, but maybe we should put this on the back burner for now." Justin took in a deep breath, inhaling JC's sweet scent. "Okay," he whispered. "If that's what you think is right. I trust you." JC kissed the younger man's golden curls gently. "Thank you, Just. I love you." Justin tightened his hold on the brunet slightly. "I love you, too." The two remained in the embrace for a few moments of silence. Finally, Justin pulled back. "Josh?" he asked in a quiet, almost shy, voice. "Yes?" "Can - can I kiss you one more time? On the lips, I mean?" Justin asked, looking away from the older man. JC smiled. "Of course, Justin." Inside, JC's mind was screaming. /No, JC! What are you doing?! There's no way you'll be able to stay in control if you let him kiss you! Tell him no! Tell him you changed your mind!/ But on the outside, JC continued to smile, even as Justin leaned in and gently brushed his soft lips against the older man's red, full ones. "So we're going to watch a movie then?" Joey asked for the fifth time in the past five minutes. "*Yes,* Joey, we're going to watch a damned movie," Lance snarled, turning away from the New Yorker. Chris laughed. "I see that you two are starting to get along better again." Lance glared at him, but Joey looked thoughtful. Chris thought that the brunet was going to make a comment about his relationship with Lance, but instead the New Yorker said, "Do you think that we should invite JC and Justin to watch the movie? I mean, you *know* how much Justin likes to watch scary movies!" "He hates scary movies," Lance pointed out. "Are you kidding me? It's an excuse for him to cuddle with JC! Trust me, he *loves* them," Joey said seriously. Chris laughed again. "Yeah, I guess you're probably right. And yeah, I think we should invite them. They seemed to *almost* be getting along earlier, and I think we should try to encourage that." "Plus, a scary movie might push them together," Joey added. Lance looked at the two skeptically. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" "Hey, we need them to be friends for `Yo Te Voy a Amar,' right?" Chris asked. Lance nodded slowly. "Okay, I see your point. We all know that they'll *both* be off if they're fighting." Joey smiled brightly. "Well, then, I'll go get them so we can get started! Don't eat the popcorn without me!" As Joey rushed out the door, Lance shook his head at his hyper bandmate, a small smile playing upon his lips. Chris sat down on Lance's bed, munching away on the popcorn, thinking about the relationships between his four bandmates.Afterword: Well, what did you think? I'm much more excited (and nervous) about chapter 40, so I'll try to get that sent out soon. I can always be persuaded with feedback! ^_~