Disclaimer: Yeah, it has been a while, but you know the routine. This story is fiction and in no way represents the true sexuality of the Backstreet Boys. Since this story contains content of an adult nature, people under 18 are advised to not read. I do not know the BSB or their management.
Any emails are welcome: ngclle@yahoo.com So if you guys want to express your opinion of my story, I'll be happy to read it!!!!!
[I pounded relentlessly on Brian's door. I could hear him groggily tossing in his bed. "Open the door or I'll tear it down with my own hands!" I yelled. I was so lost that I couldn't think of a more effective threat.
Brian somehow also realized that and immediately opened his door. He looked at me with concern and I simply glared at him. Why was I being so ironic? Here I am, in need of his help, and I'm glaring at him like he was some sort of vermin.
I barged into the room and locked the door behind me. Brian just gasped, bewildered at my state.
"What is wrong with you?" Brian said in an irritated tone. "What earth-shattering thing did you happen to find out today?"
"Look Brian, I'm not in the mood for humor. I need you to help me sort out some things so SIT!" The anger in my voice was enough to settle Brian back on his cozy little bed.
"All right, spill. Tell me what it is that I could possibly help you with this time," Brian started. "Which aspect of Nick and your relationship are you having trouble dealing with?" He would have been a good psychiatrist had he considered.
"That creep Michael is out to seduce Nick and I'm not even doing anything to stop it!" I screamed. I could imagine how insane I must have looked to Brian at that moment.
"Hold on. I have no clue what you are talking about!" Brian's voice resonated with curiosity.
Suddenly, it hit me. He didn't know yet. I clasped my fingers together as humbly as I could, wondering where to start. "Well, I told him last night that I loved him. He thought I pitied him and tried to shove me away. Then . . . then I . . . kissed him. We kissed and kissed. And then he kicked me out of his room. Can you believe that? And you know what else? I actually listened to him. I didn't push him into having sex. Mind you, he got off easy. And then this morning, I guess the realization hit me that he had leukemia, that it's really serious. And then I saw Michael hitting on him again, and I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore!" I threw my hands up in surrender.
Silence. I fixed my gaze on Brian when the silence was too unbearable. "Well?"
Brian had on the most pathetic look I ever saw. He looked upon me with pity. And the next words just scathed me. I mean, they just rubbed me the wrong way. In fact, I don't think he would make a good psychiatrist after all. He said, "You're chickening out of the relationship, aren't you? If you loved him, you wouldn't have all these doubts."
"Excuse me?" I said, not really understanding what he just said.
Brian's face contorted in anger. I swear, all the blood and steam seemed to pour out of his ears. "You know you love him when you look into his eyes and get lost in them." Then he looked at me, as if deciding how to test my love for Nick. Then he continued, "Are you jealous when Michael is around?"
I snorted. "Why should I be jealous? Nick's mine. He already promised me his love. I'm not going to fret over Michael. He can't compare to me!"
"Would you just get that sarcastic pompous arrogant attitude out of the way and just focus on Nick for once!" Brian angrily spat at me.
I calmed down and felt the tears of frustration fall down my cheeks.
Brian then softened. "You still haven't gotten over your past Kevin. I told you not to let your past determine your future. And I can see now that that's too hard for you to do. I think you should be honest to Nick. Tell him that you need some time to think. Let him know what's going on. I'm sure he'll understand. He has grown up a lot during the time you went crazy for guys. The worst thing that you could do to yourself now is shove him away and try to figure out what's going on without even giving him an explanation."
I looked at Brian with appreciation. "You think?"
Brian gazed at me sadly. "I think that's the only sensible thing at this moment. But Kev?"
I focused on Brian's eyes. "Yeah?"
"Time is running out, for Nick that is. I don't doubt that if you take some time off to think, he will do the same. And the more time you take, the more likely that he will withdraw his love. Unlike you, he's pretty selfless. If he finds that he can't fight the leukemia, he might rather deal with it on his own than share his pain with someone that he probably loves a lot."
I winced at those words. Nick wouldn't die, right? I mean, he's young. He's famous. He has everything he could possibly want. Why would he want to leave it all?
"How do I know that I'm in love with him?" I asked Brian. I was tired. I was frustrated. I was getting nowhere.
"I think your heart has already decided, but your mind is too stubborn to acknowledge it. One thing, Kev-don't let your lust dominate your thoughts. Don't try to test your love based on what happens on the bed, because that would be really shallow."
I closed my eyes to wash away the pain. When I opened them again, I felt refreshed. "Thanks, cuz," I said as I slipped out of his room. I went back to my room and again, reveled in that one single picture I had of Nick. I stared at it for hours as the memories of me and Nick resurfaced in my mind. Then I cried like a baby yearning for his mother.
When I was done with my self-pity, I finally felt refresh enough to go search for Nick. My first instinct was to search his room. His sauna session with Michael should have ended already, right? But after minutes of persistent knocking, I realized that I was pleaing to deaf ears. Nick was not in his room!
I felt smoke coming out of my ears as I stormed towards the sauna. Nasty images formed in my psychotic mind, images of Michael's corpse strewn in a deserted land with no one but the vultures keeping him company. No one can possibly accuse me of cruelty when my heart yearns so much for Nick's love!
At last, I stand before the door to the sauna. G-d have mercy on my aging heart should I witness something traumatic. I take out my key and unlock the door. Slowly, I open, my heart pounding from fury and wariness. Immediately, I was blinded by the steam. I choked a little, but stepped into the sauna with determination. There was no sound.
Great! I'm sweaty, hot and fuming, and still, I have not found Nick. Where could that boy go? I began to retreat when I heard the patter of water. Someone was in the sauna! I went past the initial dressing room, pulled the curtains and headed straight for the area where all the steam was coming from. I followed the patter sound until my eyes finally gazed upon a wet and naked Michael lying smugly on the floor.
That was what pulled my last cords as I simply glared with murderous hostility at my wretched but ominous foe.
"Well, fancy meeting you here," Michael smirked stupidly.
"Yeah, never thought I would see you in such a compromising situation again," I snarled.
"Touchy!" Michael laughed, rolling on the ground like a limp dog. I could see it now, him and Nick, naked in the sauna. The thought suddenly became so alarming, my heart actually beat faster than usual.
Still, Michael never ceased to annoy me. "Afraid to leave your beau here with me? Well, your fears are well-founded. Me and Nick had an extremely erotic, sensuous time in the sauna. I must say, his assets are very appealing!" Michael smiled gleefully.
I calmed myself down. Suave, Kev. Be suave. It took all my energy to veil my hatred in a mask of ignorance. "Oh? Didn't think you have the talent to play my game, Mikey. Didn't think you have the guts or the charms to seduce a guy who has already professed his love to me."
At this, Michael's two aqua blue eyes blazed with such fury. I couldn't help but contain my joy. But his next words just scathed me. "You've got a lot of guts to say that after your supposed boyfriend and I had such a passionate, intense kissing session. Sorry you missed all the action."
I laughed genuinely. "That is the most ludicrous, humiliating lie I have ever heard." With that, I waved him off.
Michael simply glared at me. I mean, his eyes were as red as blood. I had to commend him though. He was acting pretty controlled. With that I stepped back a little, wondering whether I should just leave now.
But as soon as the anger registered in Michael's face, it disappeared, and soon, I couldn't read him anymore. He was getting better at concealing his emotions, and I began to wonder how dangerous of an adversary he was.
He looked away from me, acting like he was enjoying the hot steam as it swept across his body. By now, I was sweating like a pig! I took a few steps back when I noticed another presence in the room.
"Nick?" I said his name quietly. If he had heard any of our conversation, he didn't show it.
"You here to join us, Kevin?" Nick asked. His voice was just so damn soothing.
Immediately, I pulled off all my clothes. "Of course. Move over, Michael." My voice was bold, shameless. Yet surprisingly, I managed to still look pretty sleek in the process. I could tell, I took both Nick and Michael by surprise. Quickly, I plopped onto the bench.
I finally managed to turn around to look at Nick for the first time. I expected nudity, but to my shock and delight, he had a towel around his waist. I smiled. Michael had to have been lying. Nick wouldn't reveal too much of his body to anyone. He was much too pure for that. But I gaped at his well-toned body and the amount of exposure I witnessed. Not that I haven't seen it all, but I'm sober now. I must have been completely obvious because Nick's cheeks became a tad redder than before.
I forced him to choose. He either sat with me or laid down beside Michael. That was my oh so miraculously clever plan, to make him choose between me and the oaf that laid by my feet.
There was an awkward silence between the three of us as we waited for Nick to make a move. Personally, had Michael not been there, I would have pounced on him and removed the towel. But like a good gentleman, I refrained from acting out my thoughts.
I could sense the lewd vibes coming from Michael as well and thought amusingly that he might be having the same urges as I did. I wouldn't blame him. Nick's damp hair clung to his face while the sweat simply poured off his body. I felt my appetite rising and my mind was only focused on dessert.
Nick smiled nervously. Damn! Why did he have to look so alarmingly attractive? He slowly moved towards me. My heart jumped a little. Not that I was anticipating all this excitement, but a man can't helpt it when he's . . . just being a man! Damn!
Now what happened next truly traumatized me, physically and emotionally. Nick removed the towel and flung it on the bench. My eyes just popped out of their sockets from this sudden . . . umm . . . surprisingly pleasant revelation. I mean my eyes were level with his . . . you know. That made three of us who were hot, wet and naked.
Then as quickly as I was hit by the beautiful view, Nick turned arounad and sat down on the ground near Michael, his feet in the boiling water. I wanted to scream. How could he be so gullible? How could he respond to Michael like that, to let Michael see what only a lover should see?
I desperately wanted to knock him cold, drag him back to the bedroom and make love to him, but instead, I swallowed and sat there like an aging rock. I suddenly caught Michael smirking at me. I saw red! Murder was the only thing on my mind.
"Come join us, Kevin?" Michael's voice taunted me. His tongue will go first.
I looked at the ceiling, my pride completely shattered. I smiled bitterly while trying to hold back the scant amount of tears I felt forming in my tear ducts. That hurt . . . a lot.
"Actually, it's too hot in here," I managed, feigning boredom. I stood up and walked away. Sheesh, a man can go blind from in this room. I tried to look for my clothes, dress quickly and left without another word. I didn't even take one last glance at Nick. I felt like I was on fire.
Damn my stomach! It started to growl annoyingly. I sighed as I once again pounded on Brian's door.
"Who is it?" he asked too cheerfully.
"Open the door or I'll kill you."
"You again?" Brian had this funny look of disbelief on his face.
"You make me feel so loved," I said wryly.
"What do you want?" Dear Brian, always to the point.
"To eat. Let's go!"
Brian looked pissed, but he simply nodded and grabbed his keys. No wonder he was family. No one else would put up with my crazy antics.
I wanted to eat in silence, but Brian, obviously, didn't.
"So what happened?" Brian can be so transparent.
"I saw Nick naked."
Brian did that funny eyebrow thing.
"Michael was there," I continued. "Nick's obviously trying to recruit a pound of sex-crazed wolves to chase after him with that show of nudity. So I left. Too cheap."
Brian started to glare. "Funny, if I hadn't known you better, I could have sworn that you are jealous."
I snorted. "Me? Jealous? Ridiculous. I'm far too superior for that."
Brian rolled his eyes. At me!!!!! "Sheesh Kevin, you overreact to everything that Nick does. Keep it up and whatever you had for each other will be no more. Don't let this Michael get to you. He's probably playing mind games on you just to get Nick."
I snorted again. "If he wants Nick, he can have him. I don't care. Nick's used. There's nothing left that's refreshing about him anymore." But the minute I said that, I regretted it. And Brian didn't look too happy either. We truly ate in silence after that.
I barely made it back to my room when I heard a soft knock on my door. What freaking wretched person would bug me at this hour? I opened the door with anger only to stare into those hypnotizing aqua blue eyes. "Nick . . . " Then I collected myself and stared coldly at him.
"May I help you?" I was downright merciless, but at least I was in control.
Nick walked into my room. How insolent! "Kevin, I didn't know why you left the sauna today?"
"You didn't know why?" I raised an eyebrow. "I didn't want to intervene while you whored your way to Michael." My voice was deathly cold.
Nick's body froze, but slowly, he became loose again. "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to eat lunch with me." Damn! His voice was so alluring. But I wasn't going to give in, even though I knew that everything I said was meant to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him so badly.
"I enjoyed a pleasant lunch with Brian already." I gritted my teeth as the lie rolled off my tongue. Really, it was far from the truth.
"About last night . . . " Nick's voice was so soft.
"Good session," I smirked. "You should have just castrated me then." I knew I was defiant, but seriously, I didn't care at this moment. Hurt him first. Think later.
That was when I saw the first flicker of pain in his eyes. But I'm not going to withdraw my words or my anger, not after that sauna incidence. I walked to my door and motioned for him to leave. "Wouldn't want to keep Michael waiting now, would we?"
But Nick didn't budge. His eyes looked frighteningly sad.
I sighed. "I talked to Brian this morning and came to a conclusion, Nick. I don't know how I truly feel about you. I don't know if it's love, lust or simply conquest. I think that I need to think it through before we start anything at all." There, I said it. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, that was, until I looked into his eyes. Suddenly, Brian didn't seem so wise anymore. I saw Nick pull back, as if he were too tired to reach out anymore. I saw the look of exhaustion in his eyes, the deathly pale stare that I only saw in people who lost hope.
"Oh." Nick's voice was dangerously gentle. "I don't want you to feel pressured into anything then." His voice was strangely calm. Not cold, just calm. He slowly headed for the door. "I'll see you at the airport then." With that, he disappeared.
I didn't try to call him back. "See you at the airport," I muttered to myself although I didn't want to see him later on today. I kicked myself for that thought because as it turned out, he never made it to the airport that night.
Well, I tried. It has been a rough week, being yelled at by almost everyone at work, from my superiors to the people lower down. Forgive me if this chapter is duller than usual.
Comments? Want to scream or yell at me? ngclle@yahoo.com J/K. If you want to express your opinion, I'll be happy to read it!