Disclaimer: Hi! Well, this is the usual boring disclaimer that I have. This story is a work of fiction. It's not true. I do not know the BSB and do not know the orientation of Nick or Kevin. This story contains material that people under 18 should not read.
Kudos to all those who have emailed me. You know who you are, but just to make me feel better, I'll list my three most inspiring emailers: Dara, Elly and Red! You're the reason I write this 3rd chapter! Well, hope you don't leave disappointed. And to those who actually make it this far, please email me and let me know whether you like how the story is going! I appreciate all feedback. ngclle@yahoo.com
The winds were harsh as they blew against my face. If my face weren't so numb, I could have sworn that it was burning with fear. I didn't know if I could cry or not, knowing that Nick hadn't come home. I didn't know where he was, but I had this feeling that something had happened.
This was stupid. I did not know where he was, and I didn't know him well enough to even make an educated guess. Besides, this was a city we didn't know too well. Where could he have gone to blow off some steam?
Finally, an hour passed by as I mindlessly drifted in and out the streets of New York. This is ridiculous. I could sense that if I keep at this, I would be in trouble myself. But I didn't want to go home, not now when I was still burning with anxiety. I stopped, trying to catch my breath. Slowly, I leaned into the wall of a run-down hardware store. The rain drops kept pouring on me, but I could barely feel them.
I stared ahead and could only see Nick's face. Those deep blue eyes were so innocent and so full of agony. He had silently cried out to me for help, for me to stop my verbal attack, but I had ignored those pleading eyes. I had ignored all the warning signs. I had trampled on him in order to save myself from pain.
I closed my eyes, and the tears flowed out willingly, one by one streaming down my face. When I finally opened my eyes again I jumped back not believing what I saw. There, right in front of me was Nick! But how? I had to blink a few times, hoping that it wasn't a hallucination due to my unyielding conscience. It wasn't hallucination.
The rain drops that dripped off his body were as real as those blue eyes that were focused on me with . . . concern?
"What are you doing here?" I asked him, a little more angrily than I expected.
"You tried searching for me?" he asked. His voice was as soft as ever.
I remained silent, simply gazing at him. How can he ask that? Why did he think I was out here in the rain, soaking like a torn sponge? I refused to answer.
His expression changed from concern to cold, emotionless indifference. "I'm not stupid. You didn't need to blindly run out into the streets of New York to find me. I was in the hotel lounge. And then I saw you burst out from the hotel."
I looked at him, exasperated. "You mean you followed me this whole hour and didn't even bother to tell me that you're still alive?"
He stepped back. "Disappointed?" With that, he turned and headed back to the general direction of our hotel. That was when I noticed that he didn't even have a jacket on. It was freezing cold outside. I wanted to run after him. I honestly did, but my legs refused to obey me. He disappeared around a corner. I sighed. Slowly, I too headed in his direction and waved a taxi.
The ride home was short, but unnerving. I had a lot of thinking to do that night. When I got back to my hotel, I desperately wanted to get back to my room and sleep it all away. I had barely taken a few steps into the hotel when Brian ran up to me. "Did you seen Nick? He ran after you." He said worriedly.
"Yes," I answered glumly. "Now please, I need to sleep."
"Where is he then?" Brian demanded.
I looked at him, confused. "He returned before I did."
"No he didn't. He hasn't come back since you ran out of the hotel." Brian refused to accept my answer.
"Well, you know what? He's not stupid. Apparently he hasn't gotten into any trouble!" I snapped.
Brian, for some reason, softened. "Kevin, please. Don't hurt him. He's not as tough as he seems. About what we said this morning, I wasn't implying anything. I didn't want any bad blood between us. Nick . . . umm . . . " Brian began, but stopped.
"What?" I asked, curious.
Brian was about to say something. I swore it, but something held him back. That was when we heard the sound of wet footsteps enter the hotel. Brian's face changed from one of concern to one of nervousness. I turned around to see Nick walk in completely soaked with nothing but his T-shirt and jeans on.
Brian ignored my inquisitive looks and ran towards Nick. "Nick, come, let's get you some hot chocolate and dry you up. You're gonna get sick." He pulled Nick away, leaving me there still troubled by our unfinished conversation.
Great! Now, I feel like a tattered cloth plus my curiosity was burning. What was it that Brian wanted to say to me about Nick? And why did he completely changed his mind when he saw Nick? I gritted my teeth. That was evil of Brian, to leave a man hanging in suspension like this. I was going to pound it out of him if it killed me.
After a murderous night of curiosity, I woke up. I was so troubled that I wouldn't be surprised if I had only slept for twenty or so minutes.
I quickly showered as usual and dressed up. Today, we didn't have any promotions. We had a whole day off to ourselves, and I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do with it. I quickly went down to the conference room to get some breakfast.
I sighed as I entered the room. Again, I was the only one there. Those Boys could be so lazy. I sat down on the seat farthest from the door and grabbed a banana. Before I even took my first bite, I saw the fiendish Michael walking in with a tray in his hands.
He saw me and smiled. "Good Morning, Kev!"
"Morning," I mumbled, agitated that he was the first person I saw that day. I think that was an omen. I ignored him as he placed the tray on the table, but looked over curiously at the tray itself. There was an egg, some toast, an apple, a cup of milk and a cup of orange juice.
Michael smirked. "Sorry, not for you. This is for our little crush." He winked at me.
I laughed scornfully at him. "That meal's for an adolescent girl. And you are a nutritionist? I'm not impressed. Nick will become anorexic with that kind of treatment."
Michael, dear Michael, was always the calm one. "Don't worry. Dinner will be a lot more exotic!" His eyes gleamed. "But let's not discuss that, shall we."
I snorted. "If you're waiting for Nick, I suggest you give up. He's not a morning person. And since we have the day off, you might want to take a book out and start reading. He won't be around."
Michael had this look of triumph on him when I said those words which unnerved me. To think that I once had something going with this man. I was now puking from the memory of it all.
"That's what you think, Kevin. But I have my ways," Michael said smugly. Before I could reply, there 'he' stood in front of the door. I nearly gaped, but didn't.
There Nick stood, all fresh from a hot shower. He looked awake as ever. And again, he wore a tight chest-hugging Tee with those same jeans. He looked ravishing. Day two. I was dumbfounded once again. But unlike yesterday, I didn't have the other Boys to shield me from this full force assault. I had to shrug myself out of my dreamlike state.
"Nick, you're making Kevin here speechless!" Michael cried out, making me fume all over again. He was destroying my suave image. Worse, I couldn't think of something to say that would help my image at all. I just sat there, lost in thought.
The next thing I knew, Nick headed for the table and sat down in the chair that Michael had pulled out for him. "Morning," he said softly. The problem was, I didn't know whether he was addressing Michael or me. To make it worse, neither of us answered.
But Michael maintained his composure and hovered over Nick's shoulders. I listened while he deepened his voice and cajoled Nick into eating breakfast. To my dismay, his face inched closer to Nick's ears, as if he were about to kiss them, but didn't. He looked over to me with a look that said 'I can access him any time.'
That did it! That man was more evil than I. I could sense his malice. Worse, he wasn't even trying to hide it from me. I wanted to talk to Nick so badly now. I didn't know why. Or maybe because I finally came to my senses and wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday.
I could see that Michael was trying to widen the gap that had already existed between me and Nick. And I was afraid that he might succeed.
And there Nick sat, eating his breakfast, seemingly oblivious to the dangerous stares me and Michael were throwing at each other.
That was the tone of the whole breakfast. None of us really said anything, but we completely understood each other's thoughts as if they were broadcasted on the radio. I was speaking, of course, for only Michael and me. I did not know what was going through Nick's frail mind.
Nick was the first one to get up and leave. When Michael began to follow him, Nick looked at him quizically. "You don't have to follow me. I'll be back here at noon," he said.
"But I don't really have anything to do. I . . . " Michael tried to find a reason to tag along with Nick.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna stay in my room. I don't think you really want to follow me to my room, do you?" Nick continued.
"Well, I wasn't going to go anywhere. I thought maybe we could talk about how to change your diet," Michael pressed on. That man was damn persistent.
"Leave it for another day. I need to do some personal stuff," Nick pressed.
I had to laugh softly to myself. Michael's face looked like it had been punched. He was a pretty confident man, and for him to be so clumsy in this conversation with Nick was quite amusing. I have never seen him argue so weakly before. But then again, Nick usually had his way.
But after stifling my laughter, I wondered if I looked just as dumb talking to Nick as Michael did. Or did Nick have that effect on all people? Maybe if I had never used brute force to sleep with him, that wonderful night would have never happened. For some reason, that thought made me feel better about our one night of bliss.
As I finished my last thoughts, I noticed that Nick had said something that made Michael smile brightly. I watched like a hawk as Nick smiled reassuringly at Michael and walked away, leaving a dazed Michael standing there. Michael turned around to give me a wink before he too disappeared.
I sighed. How was I ever going to straighten out my life. I was so confused. I wondered which was worse. Me being raped when I was young, or me raping Nick.
Was it really rape? I mean, before that incident, we knew each other very well. Did he not even feel an inkling of desire and ecstasy when we had done the mating ritual?
With those sullen thoughts, I walked back to my room. Maybe I wasn't going anywhere that day. More sleep would probably do me good.
I was awoken by an irreverent pounding on my door. Who could be so inconsiderate? I complained as I tried to pull myself to the door. I opened it and saw Brian standing there innocently.
"What?" I barked at him.
He grinned. "Did you want to go eat or something. It's 1:00 p.m."
"Why would you care if I ate or not?" I said weakly. It didn't even come off as harsh as I intended it to be.
Brian looked at me strangely. "Kev, you look kind of, well, sick. Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes!" I spat.
Brian shook his head. "You are a horrible liar. All right, let's get dressed." Brian shoved me back in my room and began to find some clean clothes for me.
"Can't we do this later?" I complained, giving in to him as I took the clean clothes from his hand.
He ignored me. He simply examined my hotel room as I got dressed, his eyes finally resting on one picture that I had put face down on my drawers. He lifted it up and looked worriedly.
"What?" I asked, defensive.
"Where did you get this picture of Nick, umm, naked?" Brian cried out. I could sense he was about to get a nervous breakdown.
"He posed for me." I lied without a second thought. Then I walked over to where he stood and reclaimed my picture.
"You sweet-talked him into doing it?" Brian said with total exasperation.
"I have my ways. Why? Do you like it? Want one for yourself?" I attacked.
That seemed to have worked because Brian walked back to the bed and became silent. I finished dressing quickly and walked up to Brian, this time penitent. "Look, Brian. I know you're always looking after me, but I can handle it on my own."
Brian looked at me sadly. "Kev, I know this might sound corny. But I know you've been through a lot. You're using all these relationships of yours to hide the pain. But you know what? It won't go away unless you let go of the past. Don't let what happened to you in the past steer its own course."
I felt a tear trickle down my cheeks. Brian was the only one that knew. "I can't let it go. Don't you see? It hurts so much."
Brian nodded sadly. "But you've done your share of hurting. Isn't it time to call it even. Now, before Nick gets hurt." His voice was gentle, but I knew that that was as close to an ultimatum as Brian would get.
I closed my eyes. Brian's words came too late to save Nick. I think that I've already hurt him. Had he read my thoughts, he probably wouldn't have taken the next step and hugged me. I let him be the wonderful brother that he was to me and leaned against him, letting him know that I trusted him.
Lunch was even more interesting. We went to a nice secluded place in the city. I didn't even pay attention to the name of the restaurant. But the food was delicious.
Brian and I sat in the room and ate peacefully. But with silence came a moment of reflection and I remembered that I still had some unfinished business.
"Brian?" I began.
"Yeah?"
"Yesterday . . . you wanted to tell me something about Nick," I began, giving him a little time to orient himself.
"Yeah?" he said softly.
"What was it?"
He looked at me with the strangest expression. It looked like neither fear nor sadness, but something in between. His eyes were pleading to tell me the story, but his lips refused to budge. Then, a tear began to form. Still, I couldn't tell whether it was sadness . . . or something else. I gazed at him intently, my heart beating furiously.
Something was not right about this picture, something that didn't look pleasant. I gulped twice, wondering what kind of story was behind Nick that had made Brian change into a totally different character, right before my eyes. And let me tell you, I was near the edge of my seat from anxiety.
Well, this is kind of short, but I hope you like it. Remember, if you have any suggestions or comments, I'm always happy to read them!
ngclle@yahoo.com