This is a fictional story. It is based on many experiences and fantasies of the author. If you are really into graphic sex, it may not satisfy your purpose for coming here. If you like to hear of real love and real teen angst, with a little sex thrown in, you are in the right place. There may be some amount of graphic sex between males. If this is objectionable to you, or you are legally too young to be here, you are cordially invited to press your back button.
Characters: Denny (Dennis Andrew Miggs), 20
Garth Roth, 22
Randy Small, 24
Bob, Denny's Brother 3 years older
Gail, Bob's wife
Jack, Denny's oldest brother, 9 years older
Jack's son's, Jacky, Bobby And DennyToo
Denny's dad
Denny's mom
Ray, Denny's dad's Deputy D.A. friend
Randy's mom and step dad, who shall remain nameless!
Roddy, flight attendant
From Chapter 8:
We fell back asleep in that position for about an hour. When I woke up, Randy was pulling me up further on top of him, then turned us both over so he was lying on top of me. He was still soft, but I was rock solid again. He hugged me and said, "Denny -- I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I said. "Remember -- no promises." I think I said it convincingly.
Chapter 9
Damn! How desperate have I gotten? Just give head to a guy because I'm horny? Is that even normal for a fag? I guess that's what I am now. Well, it's not like I went to some public restroom and sucked the first dick that came through a glory hole! This was Randy. What was he really sorry about? For letting me? For not stopping it before it happened? All these things went through my head as I lay there, Randy atop my naked body. Was he now remorseful that he had done it -- or let me do it?
"Denny, I -- I mean -- that was -- well -- it was so -- hot!"
(DUH!)
"I -- well, what I'm trying to say is -- I don't know if most straight guys would have let you do that to them. But -- and I don't feel in any way like I want to do it to you. Shit! Sorry! I -- love you. I can't think of any other word to express it. But - "
"Randy! Stop! We said, no promises. What I'm afraid of now is that -- well, that you think I am -- uh -- desperate or -- something. That you maybe respect me less because I - "
"NO! Not at all!" He said. "I know the difference. I felt so much hate and -- even disgust -- coming from HIM, when he would rape me. But -- Denny -- I felt nothing but love -- only love -- coming from you. Am I getting that right?"
"Y -- yeah. Hmh! I was just thinking. I honestly don't know -- whether I would do it with someone I didn't know -- love. And DAMN! You really let go at the end! That was what put me over the top!"
"You -- you never did that with Garth, did you?" He asked.
"No. We never got that far. We - "
B-B-ring-g-g!
Randy answered. "Hello? What do YOU want?" he asked coldly. "Yeah this is me. I don't think he -- what? You better!" He handed the phone to me.
"Hello?"
"Denny! I'm glad I caught you!" Garth sounded out of breath. I remained silent. "I had to call and - "
"How did you get this number?"
"Dad told me where you were staying. Anyway, DUDE! I -- I didn't want you to leave like that. I was an ass hole. I'm sorry! You -- you -- came all this way, and I had no right to act like that. But," he paused for a moment, "I really felt like I was backed into a corner. Dude, I -- (gulp) of course I still have feelings for you! That's why I reacted like I did. You still there?"
"I'm here."
"Uh -- when does your plane leave?"
"Late tonight -- out of Kansas City."
"Hey, please -- PLEASE -- accept my apology. I want to take you guys out to dinner -- in K.C. -- tonight, before you take off. I don't want to part like this." I was still silent. "Denny?"
"Yes?"
"I can never be what you want me to be -- to you -- but maybe we can keep in touch. I don't want to lose what we -- I mean - "
"Omigod, are you trying to say, `Can't we still be friends?'? That's rich! You know what my answer is to that?"
"What?" He said, sounding fearful of the answer.
"Ohhh-- Kayyy." I said.
"What?"
"Garth, do you know I still love you?"
"Yes, and what makes it so hard is -- DAMN! I feel the same. I just can't -- can't do -- er -- be what you -- I can't be gay!"
"You can't be what you're not, either, Garth. But I will respect your decision. And I don't want to lose contact either. I have to admit -- I still hope that maybe you will change your mind. But I don't expect it. I just want you to know where I'm coming from."
"I appreciate that, Dude. I'll come by your place -- what time would be good?"
"Do you want to come for a swim before we check out, then -- what? Maybe you can show us what is so exciting about Ottawa, KS!" We both laughed. "Checkout time is noon."
"I'll be there by ten! See yah!" CLICK
"Denny," Randy warned, "Don't set yourself up for anything."
"I'm not. But I do still love him. For whatever reason of his, he can't -- or won't -- come back to me. But Randy -- he loves me. He said it -- and I FELT it last night! At least I know that. Do you know how huge that is for me?"
"I guess it must mean a lot. I just don't want to see you get hurt any more."
"Thanks. You're a great brother!" He beamed when I said that. He doesn't care that I am gay! He only cares that I love him -- and he loves me! "Let's pack up so we'll be ready when he gets here, then go out for some breakfast." Then I added, "You're alright -- for a suck buddy!" I meant it to be funny. He didn't laugh.
We were packed and ready when he knocked on the door. I opened it, and he gave me a quick hug, then took off his clothes. He had his swimsuit under his clothes. We went to the pool and played and for a few moments it seemed like old times. But it wasn't. We nearly froze walking back to the room. It was cold out, but the pool was heated. By the time we got back to the room, we were all three nearly blue, and covered with goose bumps.
I was the first in the shower. It was wonderfully hot! As I was soaping down, Garth stepped in. Seeing him like that was almost as much shock to my system as the cold air outside. I turned away and rinsed off, then stepped out, as he was soaping himself. As I dried off, he stepped out and grabbed a towel. He had to reach past me in the small, cramped bathroom, and his elbow brushed across my cheek. An electric shock went through me. Then his toweled hand grazed my butt.
"Sorry!" He said. I left him to the bathroom. Randy just shook his head as I came out. He waited until Garth was finished in the bathroom to go in. When Garth came out, his piece half swelled up. He acted like it was nothing that he was dressing in front of me. He acted like he did not know how it was affecting me. Finally he did turn around when he was putting on his boxers. He was actually showing a greater state of excitement and I think he finally did not want me to see. I was confused, excited myself and -- aching to touch him. Deep down I was hurting bad. Didn't he know that?
He asked Randy if he would mind following in the rental car, so Garth and I could talk. I was completely at a loss what he would want to talk about -- in private. I knew it was going to be an hour to the restaurant. We loaded up our stuff and took off. He started immediately:
"Denny, I couldn't sleep last night -- at all."
"Garth, - "
"No -- let me finish. This so hard for me. I don't need you softening it for me. I feel like shit. Not because of the loss of sleep. But because I treated you like I did last night. Because of the way I have treated you since I came back here. Denny, you didn't see my mom last night because, by chance, she was at my aunt's. She was never sick. I'm surprised that my dad was so nice to you. When I told him about you and me, he about went through the roof."
"What??!! You mean - "
"SHHhhh. I have to get this out." Garth continued. "I lied about my mom, because I could not face you with the turth! I feel guilt from so many directions. I feel guilt from the way I treated you. I feel guilt for disappointing my parents. I feel guilt from my belief in how God must see me. I just had to get away from it. Maybe `run away' would be a better term.
"Denny, I have never felt for anyone as I did -- do -- for you." He stopped long enough to take a deep breath, the after a small sob, continued. "I really love you, man. Really. I don't know what I should expect, only being 22. Maybe most 22 year-olds haven't even experienced love yet. I just know the deep, sharp pain I feel in my chest -- in my heart -- every time I think of you. Every time I think of the - " his voice broke and he hoarsely cried, "pain I must have caused you!"
By this time, I was also in tears. Where was he going with this? How many times will I have to experience the withdrawal of him from my life? Why is my heart still even beating?
"The reason I asked you not to say anything until I was finished, is because I wanted you to know how I feel. I don't want to give you hope. I cannot promise anything. As far as I am concerned, I have already lost you. And I advise you to act as if that is true. I am in no way ready to come back and resume where we left off. I feel like -- like -- well, like I am in one of those stretching contraptions that they used during the dark ages to torture people. I feel like I may be torn apart at any minute."
I don't know how he could even talk with the way tears were flowing down his face. I know I couldn't. I wanted so much to take his hand -- to somehow tell or show him -- what? I didn't even know. I know I felt as torn as he was describing to me.
"If I could just freeze the rest of the world -- including you -- while I worked this out. But - - I can't! I can't ask you to wait. I don't know how long it will even take me. I don't know. Maybe this will make it even worse for you -- and if so. I hate myself even more!" He looked up momentarily and let out a low guttural howl, then continued. "Denny, I hate myself, but," his voice broke again and he could only croak by now, "I love you!"
I was stunned. We rode in silence for maybe somewhere between 5 to 10 minutes. It seemed like hours -- days! Finally I said, "I don't know what to say. I want to say, `Of course I'll wait!' But it sounds like you don't want me to. Just say the word -- I'll wait if you ask me to."
He took another deep shuddering breath and said, "No. Don't wait. If I ever get my shit together, maybe you will still be -- I don't know -- maybe you'll still be around -- and not attached to anyone."
"Garth," I finally said after an interminable pause, "I WILL wait." I said it very calmly and evenly. I felt so at peace after I said it. "I will wait. I will hope, but I will not expect -- anything. No promises. Except, I promise you that I will not fall in love with anyone else, until you tell me one way or the other. No promises."
"Gosh, your making this hard for me," he said, "but -- probably not any harder than I am for you. I wish my cousin was here. He's from Louisiana. We used to visit them often. His parents have a plantation type Southern manor. He is the one I told you about -- the one who taught me about hugging. He seemed to always have it together. He had all the answers. Maybe I'll try to contact him."
Garth then kept up rambling totally off the subject conversation, including remarks about places and landmarks we passed. By the time we were at the restaurant, Randy would not have any idea that we were both crying like babies.
We had our dinner, and said goodbye at the restaurant. It was at the airport, but there was not any reason for Garth to come with us to the terminal, since he could not go up to the gate with us anyway, with the current restrictions. We hugged for longer than was comfortable for me. Randy must have really been curious about what we talked about. They hugged too.
"Take good care of Denny for me, Randy!" and he waved and drove away.
As soon as he was gone, Randy said, "Are you going to share, or do you need your space for awhile?" He said it with the clear expectation that I would be telling him soon enough anyway.
"Space -- I just need some -- time to -- think -- yeah space -- for now."
We boarded the plane and found our seats. This time we were able to sit together. We were into the air about an hour when I had to pee. I got up and went to a restroom at the back of the plane. As I was leaving, and passing through the attendants area,
"Hi!" I stopped and looked toward the voice. It was the same male flight attendant who was on our flight out. "Nice to see you again, sir." So he DID take notice. "Are you okay? You look a little -- well are you okay?"
I quickly thought about why he would want to know. Was he just concerned, as a flight attendant -- a good employee, trying to please the passengers? "I'm -- okay." I said, realizing immediately that it was not convincing.
"Are you traveling alone? I'm Roddy, by the way. I - I couldn't help noticing -- well at least it seemed like -- the way you looked at me as I said good bye when you deplaned the other day."
I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. "I am taking a huge risk here sir. I am -- well -- I'm gay. And it seemed like -- well never mind, obviously it was my imagination."
"Actually, I am traveling with someone -- another guy about my age." I said, and then added, "And it wasn't your imagination." WHAT? Did I actually just tell him that? Well why not? The guy may have been risking his job telling me how he felt.
He let out a long breath and said, "Whew! You had me worried. But the way you looked at me as you left seemed to say you might be interested -- well maybe as much as I was."
"I -- I was -- then -- but - " Where to even start! "I -- um - "
"I found out who you were and rearranged my flight schedule to be on this flight. Can I -- can I at least give you my phone number -- assuming you are also in L.A.?"
"I -- uh -- sure. I could use a -- friend -- right now. But -- at least for now, no more than that."
"Thart's all I want -- for now. Just a friend. No promises!" There was that term again! It brought a tear to my eye. "You okay, guy?"
"Uh, yeah -- must have gotten something in my eye." HOW LAME! "Oh! Well -- I -- uh -- we can -- I guess I can at least give you my number too!" I quickly wrote it on a piece of paper he provided, and gave it to him. He looked at it.
"West L.A., huh? I'm in Redondo Beach." And he handed me his card: Rodney Stewart, Flight Attendant.
"You're kidding!" I said. "Rod Stewart? I love Rod Stewart!"
"I don't know whether to hate him or my parents more for naming me Rod! Either way, I have taken my share of flack for it!"
"Well, I can tell you -- it's a name I won't easily forget!" He smiled at that.
Another attendant came back so we had to cut it short. I returned to my seat, with a smirk on my face. Randy said, "What? Did relieving yourself feel that good -- enough to put a smile on your face."
"Remember that cute flight attendant who greeted us as we left the plane Friday night?"
"Vaguely."
"He's here on this flight."
"Whoopie! Should that mean something to me?"
"DUDE! He just came on to me! He actually changed his flight schedule, so he could see me again!"
"Wow! That's insane! What did he expect to happen?"
"He -- we -- exchanged phone numbers!"
"You are SHITTIN' me!" He was flabbergasted. "You just met him -- and exchanged numbers!"
"If we didn't -- we'd never see each other again. The little guy's got balls! I'm sure he could be fired for doing that. There must be rules! Anyway, we did it."
"Hrmph!"
My gosh! Was Randy jealous? Of what? That Roddy was interested in me -- and not him? Or was it that I may be interested in Roddy? I wasn't! Roddy was cute -- but I had been serious when I promised Garth I would wait. Well, Garth had told Randy to take care of me. I smiled again at the thought.
"What?!!" He repeated. "You sure seem to be pleased about this."
"Okay, Randy here's the deal." I told him what Garth had said to me. He was alternately sad and bewildered -- as I was -- and also livid. He said he couldn't believe that Garth would lay that on me.
"He told me not to wait."
"That's bull shit! If he didn't want you to wait, why did he tell you all of that? That fucker's manipulating you!"
"Calm down!" I said. Some of the other passengers were looking our way. "Look! I don't see it that way. And besides, I'm glad he told me. I would have forever wondered if he really loved me or not. Now I know."
"Still, if he loved you so much, he would have shut the f - " I gave him a sharp look. "Sorry."
"I told him I'd wait." I said, waiting for the explosion. It didn't come. "No promises." I added
"Well, I -- I'm sorry, but I don't see it your way -- but I will try to `take care' of you, as he asked." He squeezed my hand, then grabbed his coat and put it over our hands. I looked over and there was the most incredible look of obvious love on his face. He kept hold of my hand.
I silently mouthed "I love you" to him, and squeezed his hand back.
Notes: Maybe "No promises" should have been the subtitle of this Story. It's my only promise to you regarding this story: No promises. Comments are always welcome. Steve at s4d@hotmail.com. Be sure to put "Denny" in the subject line so I will recognize it. Thanks, and love! Steve