This is a fictional story. It is based on many experiences and fantasies of the author. If you are really into graphic sex, it may not satisfy your purpose for coming here. If you like to hear of real love and real teen angst, with a little sex thrown in, you are in the right place. There may be some amount of graphic sex between males. If this is objectionable to you, or you are legally too young to be here, you are cordially invited to press your back button.
Characters: Denny (Dennis Andrew Miggs), 20
Garth Roth, 22
Randy Small, 24
Bob, Denny's Brother 3 years older
Gail, Bob's wife
Jack, Denny's oldest brother, 9 years older
Jack's son's, Jacky, Bobby And DennyToo
Denny's dad
Denny's mom
Ray, Denny's dad's Deputy D.A. friend
Randy's mom and step dad, who shall remain nameless!
From Chapter 6:
Randy stared at the floor for a few moments. "Go ahead."
"What?" Ray said.
"Go ahead. Tonight, if you really meant it."
"You're sure? I can get an order from Judge Stephens just by calling him from here. I can pick it up on the way over there."
"I'm sure." Randy said to the floor. "Just do it before I change my mind!"
"Nope!" Ray said. "You don't get to change your mind. And you could! I need to know that you WON'T change your mind before I start this process!"
Randy raised his head and looked Ray in the eyes. "Do it, Ray! I won't back out -- I won't change my mind!"
"Okay, Here goes!" He called the judge and got the order to arrest.
"Do -- do I -- have to -- go with you?"
"No." As a matter of fact I would not let you. I will go there with another officer and we will take him in. I'll let you know as soon as we have him in custody, in case you want to talk to your mother. But don't talk to her before -- understand?"
"Yes." Randy said gravely.
Chapter 7
b-r-r-ring!
"You get it, Randy!" My dad said.
"Miggs residence, Randy speaking."
"Suspect in custody. Taking him in." Was all Ray said. He did not want to tip off Randy's step-dad that he was talking to Randy.
Randy dialed his mom's number. "Hello?"
"Mom?"
"Randy? What's going on with your father -- do you know?"
"Mom, first of all, he's not my father! But, uh -- remember what I told you about him -- uh -- coming on to me - "
"Oh, Randy! This has gone too far! You aren't going to tell me that you - "
"Mom! It's true! The last time was just before I left for UCLA in September! It has really -- screwed up my - "
"You! You, you -- your -- is that all you think about -- little YOU? Your sisters and I - "
"They're not my sisters! And they are not YOUR daughters! They're his daughters! And for all you know he's been getting into their beds at night, too!"
"Randy, don't! This can't possibly be true!"
"You know it is, Mom! You KNOW it is! I have told you before and you acted as if you did not believe me, but you knew."
"Randy, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologize for trying to keep my family together?"
"So you DID know!"
"Of COURSE I -- I mean I don't know what I - - you can't really -"
"That's exactly what I want you to do. That's ALL I want you to do!"
"What, Randy?"
"Apologize."
"Randy I love you -- but I didn't think that -- I just didn't believe that -- that -- it would -- hurt -- hurt you so -- mu -- I mean - you are an adult now -- do you have to do this to me?
"Was that your apology? Was that it? Why am I doing this to YOU?" All she could do was cry now. "Okay Mom, I am going now, but first -- for what it's worth, I love you. Mom, I love you! I won't leave it to chance that he may attack some other little boy -- or girl -- but I love you. You're my mom!"
After a moment -- CLICK! She hung up.
Ray called again later. Randy told him of his conversation with his mom. Ray said he wanted to talk to Randy to get the complete story tomorrow. "Write down as much of any abuse that you can remember -- details -- as much as possible -- The first time, the last time, details of how he silenced you, anything you can remember."
"Okay, you guys," Randy said, "You go to the beach without me. I need time to think."
"You're sure, Bud?" I said. "Maybe you would be able to remember more if you talk about it and record it." Okay, I admit it. I was curious.
"Do you have a voice recorder?" He said.
"I'm sure we can find one."
"Thanks. I think you're right. I will talk into a recorder. But you go ahead and go -- I think I need to do this by myself."
"Whatever you say, Bud!" I really didn't want to just leave him without some show of love -- or affection -- or something, but I did not want to push him either. "Okay -- we'll see you later."
"You guys have fun -- just the two of you -- you deserve it. Only -- I - "
"What?"
"I could use another of those hug things!" He said, smiling shyly up at us both. Garth was beside him in two strides. He actually picked him up and he had Randy sitting on his folded hands! I came up behind him and we stood there, Randy's head on Garth's left shoulder, and mine -- over the top of Randy -- on Randy's's right shoulder. Then I backed away, and Garth put him down, and we left.
We decided to go to Newport Beach. Well, I did the deciding. Garth didn't know one beach from the other. The weather was perfect. It was cool, of course, being the end of November, but the sun was shining brightly --not a cloud in the sky. We walked down the long white sandy beach to the water. We put our towels out far enough away that the surf could not get them wet. We did wear our surfer shorts, even we had no intention of getting wet. But we played and ran and built sand castles, and just had fun. We took off our shoes and waded in the moving surf, chasing the water out, then letting it chase us back in.
Then Garth splashed me. That's all it took! The fight was on! We splashed at each other, then he tackled me and we both got drenched. Others were watching us and laughing with us. We stopped long enough to get some strips and salsa at a beach cabana. We ate them, freezing from the cold, then went down to the water again. He dared me to go in. He said he would if I would. I "let" him talk me in to it. I knew that the water would be much warmer than we were. It felt great. Of course it was cold -- but not as cold as we were after the wet and the wind worked on us.
Once in the water, we played even more, dunking and chasing each other. We finally ended up in a hug and a long kiss. I'm sure the few people there were watching it all, because we were making a spectacle of ourselves anyway. But I did not care if he didn't! We got out, and a few people were smiling at us. A few more were scowling. A couple very big guys followed us up to the outdoor showers by the parking lot, but to our relief, a cop was parked there, eating lunch. We showered and then went into the changing room and got our dry clothes on. We still felt as if we were covered with sand. We itched all over. But we were deliriously happy.
I then drove us down to Laguna Beach. It is a resort of eclectic people, many of whom are gay, and every other storefront is either antiques or pottery!
"O never knew how much I loved antiques!" Garth said. He bought me an antique pinky ring with a rose quartz in it! I felt complete!
We drove home in relative silence. We were both tired. We were both happy.
When we got home, we found Randy typing away. He had almost written a book! He didn't look good.
"How are you doing, Bro?" Garth asked him.
"I feel like I've been dragged through a sewer pipe. It was almost like reliving it all over again! I'm exhausted. At the same time, I feel somehow strangely cleansed. It's like telling someone (Well I haven't yet, but it feels almost like it) somehow at least partly frees me of it. It's no longer a secret I have to guard."
My brother Bob walked in as he was saying that. Looking straight at me, he said, "That's right! A secret is like a wall in your life! A wall that keeps you in and keeps others out." I felt suddenly uneasy -- hot. "Are you meeting with Ray today, Randy?"
"Yes. In 45 minutes. I feel sick."
"I'll bet!" Bob responded. "Well, for what it's worth, I really believe you are doing the right thing. And it shows a strength of character that is admirable!"
"Thanks, Bob."
"Is your interview with him private? Okay, well, stupid question. But it is intriguing, at the very least."
"Yes, I'm sure it is. That would not be the word I would have used, but I can see how it would be to you guys. I don't mind if you sit in, really, but Ray may have his own preferences."
"I have no doubts about that!" My dad checked in. "This will be strictly confidential -- at least the interview. He may want me there, as a witness, but there is attorney/client confidentiality here. I too am bound."
Randy visibly relaxed. Even though he was trying to be accommodating to my family -- my brother - he was clearly relieved that it would be that way.
"Do you need anything, Randy? You look a bit stressed." My dad said.
"I'll be all right, thanks, Mr. Miggs. You have all done so much for me already!"
"I'll bet you wouldn't mind another of those energy hugs!" Dad said. You could have tipped me over with a feather! Dad seldom hugged me. My mouth must have been open a little too long, because dad said, "We have not been a huggy family -- but I heard it was good therapy. And this weekend I have experienced it first hand."
"I -- uh - " Randy stuttered, "It would maybe help."
All were called into the den. The kids were standing wide eyed. Dad said, "Why don't you boys give Randy a hug. He got three chairs up to Randy, and the boys stood on them. The rest of us worked our way in-between the chairs. Jack's little boys beamed! There is something about innocence that lends a special quality to such a thing.
I don't know how long we stood there. Time seemed to stand still. Randy closed his eyes. He looked like he was in heaven. Maybe he was! Then the rest of us closed our eyes. All eyes were wet when we were through -- even the boys. They seemed to pick up on the spirituality of it too. As we were breaking up, The doorbell rang. He must be early. I looked at my watch. We had been standing there, rocking and swaying, infusing Randy with energy, for nearly a half-hour!
Dad went to the door. It was Ray. He came into the room, and we all left them alone. Ray did not ask dad into the room, so it was just Randy and Ray. They talked for about two hours. When they emerged, they both looked confident that this would be an open-and-shut case. As we lay in bed that night Randy told us all that was discussed. "Guys, I did not realize how out of hand it got, until I started writing. I actually had blocked so much from my conscious mind! It is even embarrassing to me now how I could let him do all he did to me. Ray told me a lot that he said he would not normally tell. But because I was a friend of the family, he said a lot.
"He told me that being abandoned by my real dad was bad enough. When a new man came into my life, as much as I didn't like the intrusion, my subconscious craved male bonding. I hated him and myself each time it happened, but it was all I had, and as a child, I only knew how to get what my subconscious needed. Then I would bury it. But it all came back to me today."
As he was talking, his head came to rest on my shoulder. "I can't tell you guys how much it means to me to have two `brothers' now. I hope that we will be like this forever."
"Randy," Garth started, "I want to tell you something. It's hard for guys to express, but I really love you. Well, I guess I didn't have to say it -- but dammit, YES! I DID have to say it! I love you!"
Dammit! I let Garth do it again. I was thinking it, trying to form the words -- and probably would have never gotten around to saying them -- and he says them! Now it will seem like I was only parroting him. Well, I can't let that stop me from giving love to a brother. "Randy, you have to know that I feel the same. It's harder for me to express it, but I especially wanted to anyway. I love you too."
Randy was silent for a moment. Then after a sigh, he responded. "What I love the most is -- I know it! I KNOW you both love me! I hope I can someday learn to love like that. I think I am starting. What I know is that the feeling I feel inside -- for you two -- fills me up -- completes me. Then he sighed again. I blinked away my tears, and we all fell asleep.
Sunday morning my mom did another fabulous breakfast like our first day. We did the family thing for most of the day. We went to church -- at my parents church -- and then came home and lazed around until it was time for dinner, after which we said our thanks, especially Garth and Randy, and we went back to our dorm.
Garth had received a letter from his mom. He let us read it.
"Dear Garth,
I am so happy that you were able to spend Thanksgiving with a family. I hope it was wonderful. I'm sorry we could not afford to fly you home. But for Christmas break, we want you to come home. Have you found any special girl out there? Your father says in California it probably is a boy! He is such a red-necked old fool!
Garth, the house will be crowded. Your grandparents and all your dad's family will be here, as well as our own. I'm sure you will be anxious to see your cousins. You and Billy were always so close! He is still here in town, and we have made arrangement for you to stay with them. Your father and I both love you so much. God bless you!
Love, Mom"
"Billy and I WERE very close. His and my birthdays are a day apart. This will be fun. I don't know how he'll feel about my being -- this way -- but I won't be able to keep it from him. We are that close."
"Then I'm sure he will accept it." I said.
The weeks until Christmas flew by. I found out that some university profs can be as much ass hole as the ones in Jr. college and high school. Most are pretty nice, but there are always those few who load you down with research and homework just before Christmas vacation! We knuckled down hard to try to finish it before we left. I tried not to think of missing my sweet Garth. Two weeks without seeing him was looming pretty big in my mind. At least I would have Randy to keep me company. Of course Mom invited both for the whole two weeks. Poor Garth agonized about it until I told him he should go home to see his family. "You're sure this Billy is a first cousin?" I joked.
"Hey, I'm from Kansas, not West Virginia!" He teased back. "But he is pretty gorgeous! And we'll probably be sleeping together, too!" I don't think my face revealed my hurt.
In the mean time, Randy started to tutor a freshman girl in calc. He thought that might take his mind off his situation. It did. They started dating after their first session. He couldn't talk about anything else. He spent every minute he could "tutoring". He brought her back to the room once, and she was shy but quite a cutie. I could see why he liked her. She was petite like Randy. Actually they looked quite like a couple of junior high schoolers! By the time Christmas break rolled around, they were an item. She was from Florida. She was going home for the holidays as well. He had not yet told her about Garth and me. When we took them to the airport -- because their flights were so close in time -- I was afraid that Garth and I would not be able to escape to say our good byes. Not to worry.
She was flying a different airline and was sent to a completely different terminal.
We picked up Garth's boarding pass and headed for the escalator. I could not go any further without a boarding pass myself, so in front of all those people we had to say our final goodbye. Well, you KNOW we had had a very good farewell the night before! But we looked all around us at the United terminal. And there were so many others saying good bye! Including several gay couples. No one gave them a look, so we closed our eyes and went for it. I loved the way this boy kissed! Of course I had no idea what any other boy kissed like, but I loved kissing my guy!
Well, obviously he loved it too. He stayed as long as possible, until they started to call his gate's last call. He finally gave me a last peck and ran up the escalator and out of sight.
I cried. Then I went back to the car, where Randy was waiting.
"She is so cool!" he said. "I told her about my family -- everything!" He saw the worry on my face. "Well, not my new family. I didn't say anything about you and Garth."
"I'm glad you feel like we are your new family, Bro! I know they all feel the same."
We were all packed up and did not have to return to the dorm. We drove straight to my house. Randy was not nearly as emotional as he was the first time. He was used to the abundance my parents put out on the table as well as from their hearts. It was three days until Christmas. Mom had a stocking hung over the fireplace for everyone, including Randy. He noticed it immediately, and was so excited!
Of course we slept together in my king bed, but we did not ever touch -- not even once. I respected his space. He demanded that we hug every night though, before we got into bed. The first night, he relaxed into me for about five long minutes. For some reason we had not done that in the dorm. "I actually forgot how good that felt!" He remarked. After that first night, they were more perfunctory, but still nice.
That first night I woke up crying. Randy shook me awake. "Dude! You're having a bad dream!"
I shook my head and said, "Was that a dream?" I wiped at my eyes. "It seemed so real!"
"What was it?"
"I dreamed that I got a call from Garth's parents. As far as I know they don't even know who I am, other than a name of a guy who Garth went to stay with at Thanksgiving. That's what made it seem so real. I thought all those thoughts in the dream. They called me to tell me that Garth's plane never made it to Kansas." I teared up just thinking about it. "It went down somewhere in the Ozarks. All were presumed dead."
"Wow! Well it didn't happen -- or you would have heard about it on the news tonight."
"It seemed so real!"
We had a great time together. I took him back to Disneyland again -- just the two of us. We were like a couple ten year olds, running all over the park, and jumping and having fun! We rode all the rides -- even the kiddie rides. It was so liberating!
Another day, I took him to the beaches that Garth and I had been to. He knew these beaches. It was way to cold by this time to frolic as Garth and I did, but we walked and walked, our toes in the cold sand. It felt so natural to reach out and take his hand as we walked.
But I didn't.
We also went to Knotts Berry Farm and even Magic Mountain! He was pretty deprived as a kid, so he loved it!
Christmas morning we were awakened by Jack's boys screaming that Santa had been there! We went out to watch them open their Santa presents.
"And here's one," Jack said, "for Randy!" Randy didn't even move, knowing that it couldn't be him! Jack thrust it into his hands. His eyes grew big. It was an envelope. He opened it to find a yearly pass -- good until the end of next December -- to Disneyland. He hugged it close to him. He was like a little kid. He just smiled so big and kept saying "thank you thank you thank you - - - " to my parents.
Later that day, he called his mom, but she refused to talk to him. His step dad was out on bail, so he did not go over. It was very difficult for him. The day before our last day -- the day we were supposed to pick up Garth, I got a call.
"Denny, it's me."
"Duh! Aren't you supposed to be on the plane by now -- oh! You're calling me from the plane?"
"No. I'm not on the plane. My dad is ill and my mom needs help taking care of him. I can't come back right now."
"But - "
"I'm sorry, Den, it can't be helped."
"But -- is there anything I can do?" I begged. "I will come out there! We can get our classes transferred! We - "
"No, I already tried that. The best they will do is give me partial credit, and since it is close to quarter break, I will get low b's in my classes. Luckily I kept good enough grades to at least do that."
"I can do the same, Garth! I will be - "
"No, you can't. The only reason they allowed me to do it was the hardship angle."
"Oh."
"Sorry Dude. I gotta go now!"
Click.
I was numb. I felt like something died inside me. When was I going to see him again? I had no idea. Maybe I could surprise him, and fly back for a weekend. But I did not have that kind of money. My parents could swing it, but -- I'd have to tell them -- about -- us -- and - - - me.
"A secret is like a wall in your life! A wall that keeps you in and keeps others out." My brothers words came back to me. ______________________________________________
"So what's this about?" My dad smiled. "You're so mysterious. You're mom will be here in a minute."
"I'd -- er -- rather talk to you both at once." Just then she came in. "Mom -- Dad -- I talked to Garth today. He's not coming back to finish the semester." I was having a very difficult time holding it together.
"Oh, that's too bad dear," my mom said. "How does that affect his studies?"
"It -- he has worked it out."
"So -- why all the secrecy, son?" Dad said. He sounded more like sarcastic or something than really interested.
"Dad -- Mom, I -- uh -- I don't quite know what I am going to do. I will miss him terribly."
"These things happen, son. I know you were attached to him, but you still have Randy. You guys will find another roommate." My mom intoned.
"Not one like Garth!" I said, lowering my eyes so they could not see how wet they were.
"Oh, it's not as bad as all that, honey," Mom started.
"It IS as bad as all that, mom -- and more! I -- we -- uhhhmmm, we were in love."
I could hear the hearts beating in the room. Mine was nearly jumping out of my chest.
"Denny." My dad said.
"What?" I said to the floor.
"Look at me, son." I looked up, tears streaming down my face.
"We wondered when you would tell us."
"You knew." I said with a shuddering sigh.
"We have known for years that it was a strong possibility. But when Garth was here, we saw the way you two looked at each other -- your body language. But we felt we had to wait -- for you to tell us."
"Bob didn't say anything?"
"Bobby knew?" My mom said. "No dear, he didn't tell us. So you see, that wasn't as hard as you thought it would be, was it?"
"What?"
"Telling us."
"Oh. That. I figured you suspected. But - "
I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. I felt totally out of control of my life. I had told them about us to maybe ask them to help me get back there -- and now I felt like a total ass, even thinking of asking.
My mom looked at my dad, and then said, "Maybe you'd like to go back and see him -- after the quarter ends."
"Yeah. I'd like that." I didn't know why, but all of a sudden an idea struck near to terror in my heart: What if he didn't want me to come?
Randy and I picked up his Dennie (isn't that weird -- her name is Denise!) at LAX. It was so damned crowded, and yet I felt so completely alone as they embraced and then kissed hello. When we got back to the dorm, I immediately called Garth.
"Denny! I didn't expect to be talking to you so soon again! Are you back at school?"
"Yeah. Garth -- I miss you so much! I've never felt so alone. My parents suggested I come back there after the quarter ends. I - "
"NO! You can't!" he yelled into the phone. Then he almost whispered, "I mean, how would that look to your parents?"
"I told them, Garth -- about you and me."
"Just a minute." He put his hand over the phone and I heard him say he was going outside. I heard a door close then he whispered, "You told your parents??!! How could you -- I mean -- SHIT! Man, what were you thinking! How did they take it?"
"They already knew." I said. "They were just waiting for me to tell them."
"OH! You mean they already knew about you, right? They didn't know about us?"
"They knew about us."
"Oh."
"I -- needed to figure out a way to come back there. I can't stand it here without you! I don't suppose you have said anything to your parents?"
"ABOUT WHAT?"
"About being gay."
"I'M NOT G - " then his voice diminished to a whisper. "I'm not gay, Dude! I just am not."
"Sorry! Then bi."
"Denny -- I know this is going to be hard for you, but - - I'm not gay -- I'm not bi. Call it temporary insanity or something. It seemed okay while I was out there, but - - now - - I don't know -- it must have been something about California! Listen I really have to go! Please write and tell me how you are doing, but -- please -- don't call again." He hung up the phone. Randy was out at Dennie's. I was alone. Never in my life had I felt so alone. I thought my heart was going to stop beating. I wished it would. My chest -- my body felt so empty. Two weeks ago there was such a fullness, such an all consuming good feeling in my soul. Now all I felt was emptiness and pain. I wanted to cry out, but could not. I collapsed on my bed. It smelled like Garth. I buried my face in his pillow and breathed deep. The feeling that his smell brought was incredible. I did it again. Then I started to cry. I turned over on my back.
"NOOOOOoooooo! NOOOOOoooooo!" I cried out to the universe. I bawled like a baby. Once it started, I could not stop it. How could he love me so much, then two weeks later hurt me so badly? "NOOOOOooooo!" I cried again and again.
The door opened. Randy slipped in. "Denny -- I heard a noise. Are you okay?"
I opened my mouth, "I -- I -- I -- I -- Oh -- oh -- oh -- na na na na -- NOOOoooooo!" Randy was immediately beside me with his arms wrapped around me. He was patting my back, rubbing my back, stroking my head, my hair. "Plea -- plea -- plea - " I tried to talk. "P-p-p-please don't leave me! Randy, please!"
"I won't leave, Dude. I will be right here in the room for as long as you need me." He crooned to me as he continued to rub my back.
I relaxed a little, and I started to rub his back and neck. My hand went up to his head, and I stroked his hair. I buried my face in his neck and bawled like a baby. His neck was soaked with my tears. I felt somewhat comforted in his arms. I started the shuddering sighs like a two-year-old will do when he stops crying. After one particularly long and deep sigh, he raised my chin, and looked sympathetically into my eyes. I saw so much acceptance, so much love there. SO MUCH love. It was only millimeters that I had to move my head, and we were locked in a wet, passionate kiss. I quickly apologized and turned away from him. To the wall, I said, "Please -- stay here in my bed this one night. I don't think I could bear to sleep alone tonight."
"I'll be here -- for you -- Denny."
We fell asleep like that. He was fully clothed. Somehow, the next time I woke up, he was down to his boxers. He was sleeping almost hanging off the bed. Even in my depressed stupor, I smiled at that. I went back to sleep. I found myself dreaming of Garth. He would be smiling at me one moment, kissing me the next, fondling my genitals the next, and then he was laughing at me. I grabbed him and started to force a kiss on him. He gave in. He started to kiss me back with passion and he was all at once my dad! I didn't care. I just kept kissing him.
The next thing I knew, He was Randy's step-dad! I was disgusted, but could not stop. I was repulsed by his dirty underwear and his rotten breath. But I kept kissing and caressing him. And crying. I could not look at him! Then all of a sudden he was smaller. He had a firm body and smelled delicious. He had a wonderfully defined round butt. It was Randy! I kissed him with more passion than I knew I had. But I heard him saying, "No, dad -- please -- not again -- please, dad. No!"
I immediately woke up and it was Randy's real voice I heard. He was having a nightmare! I was on top of him and he was still calling me dad, and begging me to stop. I shook him and his eyes opened. He looked terrified, then saw it was me. "Randy, Wake up! You were -- "
He grabbed me and kissed me, pulling my butt in as close to him as we could be. He then started kissing my neck and shoulders.
"Dude -- RANDY! Your dreaming!" I was so torn. But I couldn't let him do this any more.
"I WAS dreaming, Denny. I'm not now!" And he kissed me even deeper than before.
"Dude!" I said, shocked, "Are you -- are you sure you're awake?"
He then thrust himself up higher so his head was over my shoulder. Without looking at me, he said, "Denny, I think -- I mean -- that is -- kissing and hugging a girl never felt like this! I'm a little confused here, but -- I think -- I know -- I liked that! Are you - oh! Shit, you're still -- please forgive me! I'm so sorry to take advantage of your - "
"Shut up, Brother!" I said, and I kissed his again.
Notes: Pain and grief sometimes create strange bedfellows. But hey -- even though I write from the hip, I know even you saw something like this coming.
Comments are welcome. Thanks so much to all of you who have written to me thus far. I love you all, and I will do my best to continue to write back. Please remember to include "Denny" in the subject line. Otherwise it may get thrown out as junk mail. Write to Steve at s4d@hotmail.com.