When Martha died, raw chunks and grisly fibers from my soul and heart descended into the ground with her coffin. Soon I will know closure, I reasoned. But time was so much longer than I thought. For months I had no interest in anything or anyone. My neighbor's wife called inquiring about my new address: the cave where I now lived.
Food was cardboard; any smile I had just cracked and curled into smirks and scowls. Any thought of sex was out of the question.
Acute depression, my friends all said. Furtive whispers about the tragic loss of someone dear and loved. Biology and instinct had deserted me completely.
I brooded this way in silence for three months. No TV, stereo, books, movies, dinners out. Nothing seemed important, of any value. No energy, ambition...
That night was agony personified. Mental screams with bony cartoon monsters streaking about; graphic ghouls flitted, zoomed, caroused in ethereal twists and swirls through every craggy crevice in my brain. I didn't believe I'd survive the terrors of this pain. Thrashings of my body literally threw me to the floor for timeless blackouts. I formed a first name basis with those demons that condemned me to despair and utter gloom...
In morning dawn, it ended. Sunlight can always find its way to even the darkest pit.
I smelled of putrid sweat. Unknown, brand-new odors had spewed like geysers, and then dried in random gulches on my pitiful, shivering frame.
But then I got a glimpse of peace at last...perhaps the first token seed of hope that finally would crop to healing.
I called in sick..."near dying" I moaned rather well, then watched some silly, innocuous sitcom shows...and found I could finally giggle and laugh again! There still was sadness, sure. But the slashing, ripping edge was practically gone.
And then that "sexual something" welled again. There was...what do all the writers say?...a "stirring" in my groin once more.
In the shower I looked down and watched my cock respond to slow and gentle stroking from both hands. I wiped the misty mirror for more proof.
"There!" I thought, turned sideways. "It's hard! And throbbing like before!" My hand cupped and trailed over its veined and twitching length, mimicking a sweet mouth.
God, I was alive again! I leaned my back against the cool tile wall and spread my legs a bit; used my fingers, hands to squeeze and massage, producing great pleasure to the head, the shaft and balls.
I propped my leg on the wooden bench and teased my ass with insinuating probes. For many years, I had been aware of just how sensitive that iris wrinkle was. Martha would put me on my knees and gently stroke my cock from behind, then flick her tongue around and on the pucker.
Ballistic was my favorite word for that!
Then she'd spread me wide and thrust her tongue very deep inside the quaking walls! Her hand would feel the floods of viscous cum from my squirting cock!
I never tired of many times cumming that way. Her tongue would lick along the saturated shaft, hold the cream inside her mouth, and kiss-transfer the cum for me to taste. It was exquisite and delightful. And that had always surprised me!
I waited another week before reporting back to work. After all, I nearly died, remember? And in that time I found new goals to ponder...including the "sexual else"...
I thought many times of all those nights with Martha, watching movies together on the sofa. We viewed them naked, of course, and we stroked and fondled each other through all those dripping, cum-drenched scenes.
We were never able to get through one completely without incredible arousals; always jumping into 69 with urgent, surging passion that needed sating! I loved the smell, the tang of her sweet pussy; licking, sucking...lapping the length and breadth of her cunt with my rabid tongue and nibbling mouth. God, her juice was syrupy cream, sweet to the palate. Her cum was my favorite food!
One day, before she died, I came home early. The house was warm and sunny and I stripped and put my trousers over the chair, wishing Martha, or someone else was there with me. I got so lonely when she traveled out of town. Being rather short, I could stretch out on the long couch to full length.
I really loved to be nude in this room, especially in the daytime. I could look down and watch my cock begin to twitch and bounce without hands or fingers ever touching.
Lately, it had been a puzzle to me why most men became disturbed when they looked at a cock, though I admit, early on, it wasn't my favorite view either. Somehow...now...the persistent and recurring "something else" had made the sight so much more appealing...and even more desirable!
Exactly WHEN this unrelenting "something" was born I had no clue. The thoughts were just THERE one day, an image of an anxious face moving slowly along my neck, my chest...pausing to suck so gently on my nipples, then lick wetly on my belly...downward, sweetly. Strong but gentle masculine fingers raising goose bumps on my thighs...closer, ever closer.
And so my mind transitioned to the point of relishing the sight of my own or other men's cocks. I'd sneak a furtive peek in the john at work, careful to be nonchalant and not one bit interested.
Martha had wryly smiled one night during a movie in which an expert hand without a face massaged a large twitching cock in stroking hand while licking and slurping the length from balls to tip. "Does it arouse you? Looking at a delicious cock being licked and sucked like that?"
Trying to cover that thought, I squirmed on the sofa and said, "Ummm...would you be shocked if I said YES?"
Martha's face had lit and glowed with a knowing smile...almost as if she'd known that's what I'd say. "Not at all," she'd purred finally. "In fact, I'm delighted that it turns you on!" Then her mouth engulfed my hardness, teasing with her tongue-tip, smiling still...
Bit by bit, this cornerstone had found a home and underpinned my sexual needs and wants. Instead of disgust when seeing a throbbing cock, I licked my lips and wondered how it would taste. Guilt at first when I thought like this, but with plodding repetition sprang new viewpoints in my thinking...and fresh shivers in my crotch.
Parents, teachers, friends...all had ingrained, conditioned my mind to rigidly follow "normal" sexual persuasions. My obedient, innocent soul grew up with baggage from many lectures on "correct" behavior between and among the sexes. God of Gods! How they would frown NOW if they knew and felt my thoughts!
After these swirling mental wars were thankfully over, my senses relaxed and I mused, "For once, dumb ass, be sly and very smart! Just drift with stronger currents and let YOURSELF alone decide the pleasures that it wants." I saw a porno flic once of some guy long enough to suck himself. Amazed and fascinated, I tried to do it, too.
Hah! That effort ended in a bust!
To start my search adventure, I muddled around in a few bi/gay bars - but my fear was strong with this. I checked myself for AIDS, although I knew I didn't need to do it. Better to be safe than VERY dead...
Then I met a man playing golf one day. Middle-aged, bit of a paunch like me. We had 2 drinks at the 19th hole and found a casual friendship. Like me, he lived alone; like me, a widower. His weathered, crinkled smile was genuine and broad; eyes sparkled with intelligence and laughter. There was lots of common ground...
That night, he called and we chatted for an hour. I felt quite comfy with him. We joked, danced and parried around the topic of sex, but didn't get specific. At some point, he made an off-hand reference to the fact that he was watching a XXX movie with the sound off...asked if I had any myself.
"Sure," I answered glibly. "Still have a box of them somewhere in the closet." Lord knows, for three whole months there was never an urge to view THOSE salacious scorching contents!
Perhaps a test?
Evan said quietly, "Why don't we do some sharing? I'm sure you have some I've never seen...and I have scads with plenty of variety. Perhaps we could enjoy them together?"
The thought/invitation appealed very much to me. All those vivid memories of watching nude with Martha while the screen cavorted with gushing pussies, throbbing cocks, and intense, rabid mouths...
Hmmm! Indeed I'd found my sea legs again!
"Why not bring them over tomorrow night?" Evan went on...
Why not, indeed! I thought.
His home was beautiful, sprawling entirely on one floor. Numerous erotic paintings were everywhere! A naked man (him) and a gorgeous, stately woman, side by side. In the portrait, her hand touched gently on his cock -- his left hand cupped her tit...
"Your wife?" I asked.
"Yes," Evan said quietly, eyes quite sad from memories.
"She was so very beautiful." I replied, but let it go at that. Perhaps someday he'd tell me...
Tiny porcelain Cupids sprawled on polished teakwood posts. Some pink-red drapes on a paneled wall were knotted tight at the top, then wide-spread in the middle; gathered close again at the bottom so the ruffled, erotic pleats in the center resembled a gaping cunt. I never saw anything like it before or since. My new friend, Evan was quite a licentious man!
All around were splendid statuettes of intimate couplings. This man had an eye for expensive sensual art.
I wore flair-shorts (so did he) that billowed out when we sat...and he complimented that I was more muscular than he'd thought.
We both sported light tans from the golf links and I noticed he had no hair on his arms or legs. It didn't look odd, just different. After awhile it really grew on me and I found it was quite appealing!
We sat for awhile on the deck. A sliver of moon cast an eerie aura across our bare legs. Without hair, his calves and thighs were chalky in that light. I found it more and more appealing to see and became very much aroused!
He moved one leg to his shoulder, crossed his arms, and stared at me. His eyes seemed to enchant me; could beckon and hold like a mother's tender gaze.
The billow of his shorts leg provided a view of his back inner thigh, smooth with an opaque pallor from the moon. Always his eyes followed my focus anywhere it touched. I realized this completely and didn't care. I'd gone beyond that now.
There was just the tiniest tip of his cock peeking from its home inside the flair. A rolled, slightly throbbing mound had suddenly formed, ranging back to his groin. My mind imagined sliding both hands up through the bell of his shorts, feeling his legs spread wider from my search. In the fantasy, my fingertips caressed the pre-cum head...
Evan stared intently into my eyes again. He smiled as my gaze took in all of him, sweat now beaded on my cheeks. I felt myself flush, but did not look away. His hand moved down and slowly squeezed the mound...
Rising suddenly, Evan shouted, "Curtain going up!"
My granite-hard cock got crushed against the seam of my shorts when I tried to stand. Where the fuck was calm when I needed it most? Inside, my guts churned, and I hoped I could muster some composure.
"Then let's get to it!" my voice crackled finally, trying to match his stride toward the door with a ridiculous, spraddly wobble.
Inside, I followed him down a wide hallway.
"I always watch in the bedroom," he said evenly. "Do you mind?"
"Not at all." A nervous answer -- then, "I mowed the lawn today and my legs stiffened up after sunset."
"We'll soon take care of that," he replied. "I have some wonderful oil that does wonders for the limbs!"
I knew right then that I would love this man.
He led us into a large room thick with carpet and king-sized bed...with mirrors on every wall. I saw his ever-swelling roll bulge out beside the wrinkled pleat. And I became aware of my own cock straining to be free of the confining linen.
"This," Evan said proudly, "Is the `play' room. Many a happy romp to remember! And if that mirror could speak?..."
God, I thought. What a sumptuous, erotic menagerie! I felt my tongue move over my lips...and I had another devilish notion: what if the glass is two-way? Like the cop shows? Wouldn't THAT be a blast!
Evan got the oil from the dresser top, sat me on the bed edge, and poured a pool of the thick emollient in his hand. He was already glistening from an obvious earlier treatment. Slowly rubbing the unguent potion in his palms, he grinned again, his binding eyes locked and holding mine just as before.
I could smell and feel the pungent ointment breathe new energy into my skin. The teasing fingers probed and soothed from toes to tingled thighs. It was almost too much to bear...
The video started and we plopped down on the bed, him on my right. On the screen, two lovely young women and a man with a beautiful 11" cock himself were gorging themselves on another huge, thick cock. I watched Evan's hands ease down and squeeze along the throbbing mound through his shorts.
"Ummmm...the lad and lassies look beautiful!...and THIS feels even better!" he murmured, glancing over to see if I was watching him squeeze his shaft, making no effort to conceal the clasping motion of his hand.
Earlier, he'd lit candles, and the gauzy hue was perfect for this scene. I followed suit and placed both hands on my cock...without a hint of guilt, without any lingering question of re-thinking any of this. I was greatly aroused that he, too, watched my perpetual squeezing. His focused gaze made me bolder as I moved one hand to my balls. I wanted this so much that fear just ebbed away through the night, drifting beyond the luscious amber glow.
He watched my fingers search beneath my balls through the fabric. I could feel his eyes delight from my self-touch.
"Do you ever watch naked?" he whispered, lips close to my ear.
"Oh yes," I said hoarsely. "It's so much better that way." I knew my voice cracked with every word, but I was so caught up in anticipating what would come.
He unzipped and tossed his shorts with his legs. "Feel free, my friend. It's just the two of us!"
Again I followed the lead and kicked my shorts to the floor. I watched his hand surround his cock, stroke gently up and down. His left hand moved with agonizing slowness over his lower belly.
"Do you like to watch? It really turns me on to have you watch me while I stroke," he whispered. "And I'd LOVE to see your sweet cock grow and throb!"
His tongue licked sweetly on my neck, and his cock humped wet, throbbing, thick and lovely on my outer thigh. It left wet streams of cum-dribble and I felt my tummy knot to a chain-mail fist.
"Damn!" I yelled. "Yes, oh yes! Watch my cock get very wet and throb when I fuck it with my hand!"
I was even more brazen now...and more vocal. "Do you really like my cock?" I asked.
"God, yes!" he choked. "It looks so scrumptious when it's soaked with your delicious cum! It's exquisitely beautiful!"
"What's making your beautiful cock swell up so pretty for me?" he teased, surrounding the bulbous, purple head with light fingers. His tongue trailed down over my nipples. My ass moved up from the sheets to greet his arousing strokes.
"So beautiful and hard," Evan choked, and moved closer, breathing quickly and shallow.
"Are you aware that you look good enough to eat? You do, you know," Evan continued.
The sight of my uncut head completely covered, then wetly unsheathed in his moving fingers made my mind whirl and zip through delirious Star Wars journeys of aching sexual desire and need. I wanted so much to see and feel his tender lips and mouth surround the length and his swirling tongue urge my cum to explode into his sucking mouth.
He slowly moved his hand to my cock-base and squeezed a bit harder, then trailed a finger all around the dark-pink skin that usually housed the tip.
"This is the most sensitive part," he went on, "this wet membrane that's SOOOOO sensitive and delicious to taste!"
Now I completely lost it. My whole body trembled from the thought of his mouth around my pleading, desperate cock!
"Oh, Evan! Please, please...oh, PLEEESE eat me, lick me and suck me!"
"Yes, darling," he breathed quickly. "Let me suck you, eat you, lick you! I want every drop of cum in your body!"
"God, baby, yes!" I slurred. "Talk to me like that. I love to hear the erotic words from your mouth!"
His tongue moved in circles around the cover skin and I felt the heat in my blood when my cock moved into the wet warm cavern of his mouth. His tongue twirled in circles over the bulged veins as he fucked my raging cock with his mouth-pussy! I held his head against my thrusting hips, pumping deeper, faster into his throat...fucking, fucking. Loving the slurping suction of his cunt-mouth draining my cum.
He turned now, edging his legs very close to my face. I stared and salivated at his shaved body, then let my fingers rove over his rigid nipples, tanned and slick from the oil.
Evan pulled my legs further apart, straddled me, and plunged his cock into my mouth. Reaching around, his fingers floated over and around the iris opening of my ass, then one probed tenderly inside. I licked his cock-tip, then pulled his throbbing length into my mouth, so hungry for this first, initial taste. I swallowed the tangy squirts of pre-cum and sucked him deeper, deeper...ever deeper!
Evan's hand moved to my balls and his fingers gently raked over the wrinkled over-full sac, flowing upward along the underside of my cock.
My fingers moved to his base now, fingers curled and fluttering on his balls. I let my tongue drift over his cock-head, flicking my tongue like a hummingbird's wings, my fingers flowing up and down the entire length of his gorgeous cock. I literally jerked him off in my mouth!
For me, the dream and fantasy had finally become reality. Now I had the vivid memory of a long, flexible cock, fucking my mouth with abandon and desire. I knew the taste and smell of delicious man-cum, both in my mouth and drooling, squirting, then oozing all over my body. From this point on, I'd be insatiable...always wanting to know what delights and surprises another cock would provide.
I felt Evan's tongue plunge deep inside my sphincter. God, another uncanny thrill I thought would never come again! The warm image of beautiful, dead Martha flashed through my mind as I swallowed the ending drips of Evan's cum.
She'd taught me the pleasant sensation of a probing tongue in my ass! To test the waters, I let my tongue circle around, then through his wrinkled iris opening. His spastic twitch told me that I'd found another delicious G-spot!
His cock began to shrivel in size, but I held it in my mouth, savoring to the end. We'd been so delirious with lust, so intent on tasting all the sweetness that gushed from each other's balls that we'd drained each other too quickly.
But this would not be the last fuck we'd have together. Now I wanted, even more than before, to drink Evan's thick syrupy cum forever, to let my tongue rove and explore the shaved smoothness of his supple body...to wrap my legs around his head and squirt, again and again, the ample contents of my cock-cum into his sucking mouth!
In the shower, sated now, we lovingly washed each other...with an occasional squeeze or tender massage. When he washed my back, I felt his growth press lightly between my ass cheeks. Instinctively, I hunched back to him, reaching around and guiding his cock in the crack.
"We have so many more delights to experience," Evan whispered softly. "When will you come again tomorrow? What further delights can I give you, darling?"
"Perhaps tomorrow night," I said eagerly. "This was so good for me! The first time, you know..."
"...And you were magnificent! Such rapture, intensity for the first!" Evan laughed. His arms were around my waist, pulling me gently back again.
"...And someday," he went on, "We might indulge ourselves with some other people, too."
I remembered the 3-somes Martha and I had watched together and felt fresh tingles.
"I'd really LOVE to meet all your erotic friends!" I said happily.
"Maybe some younger men...MUCH younger," Evan continued, "Whose cocks recover more rapidly than ours! Feel up to it?"
"I want to please you, your friends in every erotic way my erotic mind can imagine! From this point on, I want it all!"
We finally nestled and spooned in that beautiful King bed...content, fulfilled until the dawn would bring our cocks to throbbing hardness and lovely cum-drenched cock-heads!
Copyright May, 2004