Deep Love

A Deep Love By James

Disclaimer

This is a story of love between two consenting young males. Should you be offended by material of this nature, and should it be illegal for you to read this type of material, then I highly suggest you leave. The people within this story are all fictional and have no similarities to persons either living or dead. I know there is the Martin Luther King J.R. reference, but that was used in this chapter only to make a point and to further develop the plot.

This is a slow-moving story and there will be sex, but not within the first couple of chapters. This is not a jack-off story, and if that?s what you want, then I highly suggest you find something else to read that better meets your needs.

This story is also copy-written by James and may not be rewritten or copied without consulting the author first.

Prologue

Josh Andrews sat beside his father waiting to be called back in to the exam room. He was at the eye clinic that day because he needed to get his eyes checked. Josh had glaucoma which is an eye condition of the eyes where the fluid in the front of the eyes can't escape through the drainage pathways that drain the fluid. As a result, pressure builds up and most if not all vision will be lost unless treatment is given as quickly as possible.

Josh had glaucoma since he was 11, now he was 14-going-on-15 and for the past three years, it was stable until the week before. Headaches also accompany glaucoma, but people don't usually find out that headaches are a symptom until a doctor tells them and by this time, the pressure is high enough to cause some visual disturbances.

"Josh Andrews," a woman called sticking her head out of the doorway across the room from them.

Josh and his father stood up and went back to the exam room with the nurse. The main reason why Josh and his father were there that day was because he started having headaches very badly that week and they were in the front of his forehead where they usually are with glaucoma.

Once back in the exam room, the nurse checked Josh's pressure after putting a drop in his eye that numbed it so it wouldn't feel the tip of the measuring tool press against it.

The nurse frowned and paused for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Mr. Andrews asked getting concerned.

"The pressure appears to be out of the normal range. The pressure is up to 56 today, but I'm going to have Dr. Joans check it again."

Josh began to get even more afraid than he had already been. He knew from previous appointments with Dr. Joans that certain procedures could be attempted, surgical procedures that is and he couldn't handle the thought of any surgery, much less surgery on his eyes.

The nurse left and a few minutes later Dr. Joans came in to the room.

"Hello Josh," he said in a soft pleasant voice.

"Hey Dr. Joans," Josh said quietly. "It's bad isn't it?"

Dr. Joans pulled up a chair in front of Josh and his father and sat directly in front of Josh.

"Josh," he began. "I will do the usual parts of this eye exam, but I'll be straight with you. I'm not very optimistic based on the reading Dana took before I came in here. I'll take another reading, and I'll look at your eye to see if there's any blood vessels that are broken, but I don't see drops helping you much longer."

Dr. Joans took another reading, and this time it was 61. He then used the slit lamp to look at the back of Josh's eye. Moving the slit lamp away from Josh, he reclaimed his seat in front of him.

"Well, there's a large collection of blood in the front of the eye, most likely due to the elevated pressure. I'm going to strongly recommend surgery. I know you can't see much anymore, but I'm going this rout mainly because of pain management. You have told me in the past how bad the headaches are."

"Yeah, I have told you about the headaches, but there's no other medications that could possibly lower the pressure?"

"Well, there is a pill that is sulfur-based, but I have great concerns with giving it to you."

"What are the risks?" Mr. Andrews asked.

"Well first off, the pill is called Diamox, and it tries to do what the eye drops can no longer do. Anyway, there's a risk of losing feeling in the fingers, nausea, bad tastes with certain food or drink and eventually, it could possibly go in to the blood stream and cause anemia among other things."

"Well, Josh began struggling to hold back tears. "I think it's clear what has to be done."

"I really wish there was more I could do," Dr. Joans said. "It's June right now, and the only good thing of this is that by the time you get back to school, you'll have recovered enough to go back. I know that's probably not an appropriate thing to talk about at this moment in time, but'''."

"You're right," Josh interrupted. "It's not an appropriate thing to talk about right now. Anyway, what surgery will be preformed?"

"I'd like to implant a drainage tube in your eye. A small narrow tube goes in a horizontal position in the front of the eye and a collection plate goes in the back of the eye. Once that's implanted, the fluid goes through this tube, back to the collection plate, then to a piece of tissue that absorbs the fluid. This is how the tube regulates the pressure to keep it down to safe levels."

"What about after the surgery?" Mr. Andrews asked.

"I'll put Josh on an eye drop form of Prednisone to keep down inflammation and risk of infection, and I'll also prescribe another eye drop to keep the muscles that control the pupil of the eye paralyzed. This second drop will help with heeling."

"Will I have to watch my movements?" Josh asked.

"Yes. You'll not be able to do your normal activities for two weeks after the surgery. The tube has about a 1-to-2 week window of opportunity in which the tube can slip out of it's position. Should that happen, I'd have to reposition it."

"And you'll be doing my surgery?"

"Yes. I mean, if you feel comfortable with me doing it. I can always recommend someone else."

"No. I want you to do it."

"Okay," Dr. Joans said."

"When do you want to do the surgery?" Mr. Andrews asked.

"I'd like to do it next Monday. I'm concerned that if we wait any longer, then more damage will be sustained."

After the appointment was finished, Josh and his father walked out to the car and got in. Josh couldn't hold back his tears any longer and started crying hard. His father held him tight and comforted him as best as he could.

The day of Josh's surgery came in the form of a dark rainy morning that was not cold, but not warm enough to ware just a shirt in. Josh finished his shower and as he dried off, he couldn't stop shaking. That Tuesday of that week past was the most horrifying day of his life, or so he thought that day, but today was even worse. There was also something else that was bothering Josh.

Since he was 13 years old, he knew he liked guys. He felt towards girls only friendship, and with guys, he felt an attraction that was almost intoxicating at times. He had fantasies about holding and kissing other guys, them holding and kissing him, and various sexual things, but he was more in to the hugging and kissing aspects of relationships although he had never been with anyone, not guys or girls.

He had a grate fear about telling his father. He knew his father was accepting of people who were gay, but it's easy to feel acceptance towards every-day people, but when it's your own child, well that can be a different story.

Josh knew this. He had heard many times about kids being thrown out of their houses because of being gay and he feared this most of all.

Josh was interrupted from his thoughts by a knock on the door. He called for the person to come in. The door opened and it was his father standing there.

"Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah. I just have to get my hair brushed and I'll be ready."

"Okay."

Josh brushed his hair and left the bathroom and went to the front of the house. He put on his shoes and waited for his dad to come in to the kitchen where he was standing. His father came in and then they left for the hospital.

Josh awoke slowly from the anesthesia. He felt pain above his left eye which was the eye that was effected by the glaucoma. He also felt more tired than he ever thought possible.

"Josh," Dr. Joans said. "Josh, can you hear me?"

"Huh, what," Josh said weakly.

"It's Dr. Joans. I want to see how you're feeling. Your surgery is done. It went well."

"It's over?"

"Yes. It's all over. Do you feel up to going in to another room for something to drink in a few minutes?"

"Not yet. I'm so tired."

"Okay. I'll check back in a few minutes.

"Where am I right now?"

"You're in the recovery room."

"Okay."

Dr. Joans left and fifteen minutes later, Josh felt awake enough to go to the room where his father was waiting. He lay in a reclining chair and every few minutes would take small sips of 7-up that his father had for him in a cup.

In spite of the anesthetics still keeping him in a mental haze, and the pain of his eye, Josh still had fear about his father finding out about his orientation. The fear was beginning to waver a bit mainly because of how caring Mr. Andrews was acting towards Josh. Josh didn't think of his father as An uncaring man at all; he just had a major fear of his dad's reaction to him when he found out his orientation.

"Dad," Josh said almost in a whisper. "Could you promise me that no matter what, you'll always be there for me?"

"Yeah," Mr. Andrews said. "Of course I'll always be here for you."

"You promise?"

"Yes. I'll always be here for you, and I'll always love you no matter what."

"Okay."

Josh felt a little reassured and he just lay there until the nurse came to give he and his father post-operative instructions. The nurse came in a few minutes later, gave them the instructions then Josh and his father left the hospital to go back home.

Chapter 1

I finished getting dressed as music played in the background.

"Michael," I heard my mom call from the kitchen. "Are you about ready to have breakfast?"

"Yeah," I called back.

My name is Michael Williams. I'm 15 years old, I have dark brown hair, light blue eyes, and I'm about 115 LBS.

That warm September morning was going to be my ninth grade year at the Sangger High school. I live in a large city called Sangger and it's got every type of person you can imagine. There's people of different nationalities, people with different disabilities, and people of different sexual orientations. I can relate to this last category due to the fact that I'm gay myself. I've known since I was 13 years old, and so has my mom. I told her a few weeks after I realized it. She was supportive and helped me work through some of my fears about being gay. I also have several gay and lesbian friends and we've kind of got our own club going. It's not in an official capacity, but we're always together around the city doing things and we're always quick to include others in our group.

I put on some cologne and then grabbed my bag that contained my laptop and headed out of my room. I joined my mom in the dining room and we had breakfast.

"Did you sleep well last night?" she asked me.

"Yeah. Did you?"

"Yeah."

It's always been my mom and I. Ever Since I was 7 years old. My dad got tired of being a family man and he didn't want to be with my mom who in his mind, was controlling him and not letting him drink himself in to alcohol poisoning. Anyway, I finished my breakfast and then we left the house.

We arrived at the school in about five minutes and I kissed my mom goodbye before getting out of the car. As I walked up to the doors of the school, I saw Bengy and Ashley, two of my friends.

"Hey," Bengy called out to me.

"Hey Bengy," I called back. I ran towards him and hugged him.

"How's it going?"

"Good. How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine."

"Well god, don't everyone start talking to me at once," Ashley said to me.

"Hey honey," I said. "How's my favorite girl?"

"I'm fine. And you?"

"Good."

Bengy and Ashley had been going out for about the past three months and they seemed to really love each other. This was both their ninth grade year at Sangger High as well.

"Well, lets head in to the school guys," I said.

They got behind me and we all three walked in to the school together. We got up to the Guidance Counselor's office to get our schedules. Once that was done, a tall, thin black man stepped from an office to my right and looked at the three of us.

"Michael Williams?" he said.

"Yeah," I said. That's me."

"I'd like you to come in to the office with me for a moment. I also want you two to come with us," he said motioning to Bengy and Ashley.

"Um, I'm sorry," I said. "What's this about?"

"It's nothing bad," we just need to get an understanding between us all."

I felt my face flush red with anger. Who did this bastard think he was. I thought I had an idea where he was going with this, and I was ready for him.

"You're damn right we're going to get an understanding," I said. "So lets go."

The man's eyes got hard for a moment then he smiled.

"Okay. Right this way."

We all went in to his office and Bengy, Ashley and I sat across from him. He sat down in a desk chair behind the desk and looked at the three of us. I Actually took the lead.

"Well, I think I'll begin," I said. "Since Bengy, Ashley and I have done nothing wrong and our records reflect nothing questionable, this can only be about one thing. Well let me tell you something; for the record, I am gay, and my friends here know and they support me completely. You and any detention-happy teachers even try to discriminate against me or any other homosexuals, or even any people with disabilities; you'll deal with them, because they'll not only go around town talking about it to any media outlet who will listen; they'll also have their parents get involved. Bengy Martin's mother and father are both civil rights attorneys, and Ashley's parents are both police officers. So you people want to do any corruption bullshit, you'll have the remainder of your lives to look for a job flipping burgers, do you understand me."

I was talking through clinched teeth now and I had an anger in my voice that I didn't even know was there. The man looked at me and then he smiled widely.

"What's so damn funny?" I asked. If it was another school official I gave a piece of my mind to, I'd be in detention for the whole year. Why haven't you busted out your detention forms yet?"

The man then began laughing, then he stopped and looked from Bengy, to Ashley then to me.

"Michael," he said. "I think you'll do fine here."

"Excuse me?" I said shocked. I expected this man to immediately give me a detention and maybe even Bengy and Ashley for the simple fact that they were there in the room with us, but he was acting like I was one who had accomplished something amazing.

"Michael this is why I wanted to talked to the three of you. Your mom and I talked last week on the phone and she explained to me about your sexual orientation, and she explained about Bengy, Ashley and the rest of the friends in your group. To my understanding, you guys go around the community doing different awareness functions for people of different sexual orientations and people with different disabilities."

"That's correct," I said.

"Well, I was around back in the time of Martin Luther King JR, and although my fight was in regards of the color of my skin, and your guise's fight is for your sexual orientation which is still in question by a lot of people as to weather it is a choice or not, the over-all point is that you and I have something in common. We both have faced discrimination, we've both faced verbal abuse and we've both worried about who would accept us. I'm proud of you and people like you. I think it's wonderful that you don't allow people to abuse their authority. Just be careful around here. I mean, don't over-step your boundaries and disobey an instructor just because they may give you an instruction to follow that you may not like. I don't feel this will be a problem, but I feel I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't say that."

"I understand," I said.

"Good. Now if anyone gives you trouble about anything, I don't care if it's a teacher or a student; come to me and I'll handle it."

"Thank you," I said and smiled at him.

"By the way, I'm the dean of students here at this school. My name is Andrew Marshal."

He stuck out his hand and I shook it firmly. After that, I introduced him officially to Bengy and Ashley. Once that was done, the three of us got up to leave, but before we could, Mr. Marshal stopped us.

"Just a moment," he said. "I have one other thing I'd like to talk to you about."

"Okay," I said. We sat back down again and he began talking again.

"There's another new student who will be here in a few minutes. His name is Josh Andrews, and he's totally blind save for some light perception in both eyes. He has Retinopathy of Prematurety in both eyes, but the right eye was the most effected in that this condition completely detached the retina and caused some scar tissue to form in the back of his left eye making it difficult for him to see small print as well as things far away from his face.

His vision was stable in that way until he was 11 years old, at which time he contracted Glaucoma in the left eye. Do you guys know what either of these eye conditions are?"

"Yes," we all three responded. All of us in my group also researched the areas of medicine and science.

"Good. Anyway, as you guys most likely know; Glaucoma is not a disease that can be traced. Meaning that when it is found, there's no way to figure out at what point it began. With the headaches that develop in connection with the Glaucoma, you don't know those are related to the disorder until a doctor tells you about them and then most patients put it together.

In Josh's case, he remembers developing headaches at around age ten, about two months before his eleventh birthday. Three weeks after his eleventh birthday, he went in for a routine eye exam and he had reported to the doctor that he was seeing what looked like a bluesh-wite ring around the lights of the exam room. The doctor immediately tested his eye pressure and found it was dangerously high. So the point being that that day, was when he was diagnosed with Glaucoma. So Josh believes that when he first started getting headaches when he was ten years old, that it was on the day of the first headache that the Glaucoma began, or a few days or weeks slightly there after. Not that that really makes a difference due to the fact that the damage done from Glaucoma can not really be reversed; it can only be slowed maybe even stopped, but it is a chronic disease as you three most likely know.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because you three will have all of your classes together and Josh will be in with you guys. I want you guys to give him assistance but when he asks for it. That request is his own, not mine. I talked to him and his father last week as well and Josh said he wants to attempt things before asking for help, and he doesn't want people to always try to jump in and attempt to do for him what he can for himself. I'll get back to the Glaucoma for a moment and tell you that three months ago, he had surgery for his Glaucoma because the pressure was not staying under control.

Over the passed three years, he has lost about 90% of his vision in his left eye and after the surgery, the percentage of vision is at 2%, which is essentially considered total blindness. This is mainly from pro-longed elevated pressure, scar tissue added from the surgery and blood leaking from broken blood vessels in the front of the eye.

So, will you guys kind of well, take him under your wings?"

"Yes," we all responded.

Josh entered Sangger High feeling completely relieved of stress. He came out to his dad and it went even better than he could have imagined.

Josh sat in the car that morning waiting for his dad to come out and start it up. He told his dad that he'd wait for him in the car if he unlocked it.

He had an electronic lock remote that he used for his car and this morning, he gave it to Josh and Josh took it out to the car. He sat waiting for his dad with a heart heavy with fear and anxiety. He was going to tell his dad about being gay, but he was so scared. After what seemed like a decade, Josh heard the driver's side door of the car opening. His father got in and Josh handed him the keys.

"Dad," Josh began. "Um, before you start the car, I need to talk to you."

Well, we may be late," Mr. Andrews said. "I'm sure it can wait until you get home this afternoon."

"No dad," Josh said close to tears. "I have to tell you now."

"Okay," Mr. Andrews said putting an arm around Josh's shoulders. "Just go ahead and tell me what it is you need to say. It'll be alright."

"I don't think you'll feel the same way after I tell you what I have to tell you."

Mr. Andrews took Josh in his arms and held him close. He rocked him gently as he started to cry hard.

"Dad, you remember when I asked you if you'd be there for me when I was in the hospital back in June?"

"I do," Mr. Andrews said.

"Well, dad, please don't hate me, but I'm gay. I'm so afraid of how you'll feel about that."

Josh started crying harder and he was beginning to get short of breath. Mr. Andrews heard his distress and moved him away from him so he could calm him down.

"Josh," he said taking his face in his hands. "Buddy, just breath. I'm right here and I'm not going to leave you. I'll never leave you okay? Just take in a deep breath and let it out slowly."

Josh struggled at first, then he took in a breath then let it out as his father instructed. He repeated this action a few more times, then he was a little calmer than before.

"So how long have you known?" Mr. Andrews asked him.

"I've known since I was 13 years old. I was so afraid of what you'd do if and when you found out. I mean, I don't want to hurt you, but I've heard of kids being disowned and sent to those churches to be cured of being gay. I didn't think you'd do those two things I just mentioned, but I was mainly afraid that you'd be really mad."

Mr. Andrews took his son in his arms again and held him close and tightly, afraid to let him go.

"I feel ashamed to tell you this next thing, but last month in August I mean and in July, I actually had thoughts of killing myself. I just didn't think I'd be able to face you or anyone who might eventually find out about me."

Mr. Andrews was crying along with Josh now. He held his son a little tighter and he was over-come with emotion.

"Joshie," Mr. Andrews said. "You're never going to have to live as some gay youths do. I'll always be here for you and I'll always support you in this area of your life and in any others. You're my son and I love you so much. If you have any fear or any other things you ever need to talk about at any time in the future, just talk to me okay?"

"Okay Dad," Josh said, his tears beginning to stop. "I'll remember that. I promise."

Josh's dad moved him back from him then leaned forward and kissed Josh on the cheek. Josh kissed him back and then Mr. Andrews started the car.

"Come on. Lets go."

As Josh reached the door to the Guidance Office, he felt happier than he had in a long time. He still had to take his Prednisone, but it was now down to four times a day when it had been six times a couple of months ago. He luckily was not having any of the psychological side-effects that can accompany Prednisone therapy. The psychological side-effects are depression and in more extreme cases, violent behavior and or verbal speak of violence.

Josh felt even better for the fact that he was not plagued by these symptoms. Things were really going good for him.

He knocked on the door of the Guidance Office and he heard someone tell him to come in. He entered and a woman came up to him.

"You're Josh Andrews?" she said.

"Yeah," he replied. "That's me."

"Okay. My name is Mrs. Daniels. I'm the guidance counselor at this school.

I just talked to your Mobility teacher and he told me that you have been oriented to the class rooms as well as the areas of the building in which this office and the restrooms are located as well as the cafeteria."

"That's correct."

"Okay good. I'll give you your schedule of your classes and I'll get someone to walk with you. I realize that you've been oriented, but I'd feel better seeing as how it's the first day and everything."

"Okay. That's fine," Josh said.

Mrs. Daniels knocked on a door to Josh's right and a deep-voiced man told her to come in. She entered the room and saw Mr. Marshal behind his desk. Bengy, Ashley and Michael were still sitting across from him.

"They're not missing class?" Mrs. Daniels asked.

"No. I'll write them a pass. It's not like the teachers aren't really doing work today anyway. I can always get them a print copy of the school policies."

"Well, Josh is right outside the door of your office and I want someone to accompany him. I know he's already acclimated, but I'd feel better seeing as how it's the first day."

"Okay. Michael could you go and take Josh to class with you?"

I smiled and stood up.

"Sure," I said. "I'll go and get him."

"Okay. I'll write you three a pass."

Okay," I said and walked out of the office. I got up to the doorway of the Guidance Office and looked at the chair to the left to see the most beautiful boy sitting in the chair placed there. He had black hair brushed down, dark brown eyes, and a pale but beautiful color to his skin. I went over to him and tried to form words. At first nothing came out, then I succeeded on the second try.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Michael Williams. I'll be taking you to class today."

"Okay," Josh said. "I'm Josh Andrews."

Josh stood up and walked towards me. He stuck out his hand and I took it in mine. I shook it gently and I had an overwhelming urge to take him in my arms, but I knew that now was not the time.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"Nice to meet you too," he replied.

We let go of each other's hands and I got on his right. We began walking, but then I heard a voice call for us from behind. It was Mr. Marshal.

"Michael, Josh, wait a moment. I have your passes."

We stopped and Mr. Marshal came towards us.

"Ashley and Bengy already left by the second entrance of my office. I think they wanted to be alone as they walk to class."

"I'm sure they did," I said.

We took our passes and then we turned towards the door and began walking again.

Once out in the hall, Josh put his arm around my shoulders as he held a white and red guiding cane in his left hand. We walked to class and I was a bit worried about what people would think of this picture, but at the same time, I didn't care how it looked. I knew then that I was falling for Josh Andrews.

We reached our math class and I opened the door.

"You want to go in first?" I asked Josh.

"No, it's alright. You go on. I'll follow you."

I went in first and he was almost on my heals. I could feel his right hand on my right side rubbing gently and I hurried to find an empty seat because I was beginning to awaken in certain regions. Luckily, I saw that a seat towards the windows was empty, so I walked towards it with Josh right behind me. There were two seats and I got in to the first one and Josh went back behind me and took the other one to my right.

I got my pass out and Josh had his out. The teacher saw us motioning towards him and he came over.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Mr. Rustle. I'm the Math teacher."

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"Same here," Mr. Rustle said and shook my hand. He and Josh introduced themselves and we handed him our passes.

"Well, we have 20 more minutes of class so I'll briefly go over the policies."

"Okay," Josh and I both responded.

He explained about the rules and then he asked me a few questions about my friends and I and our amateur humanitarian work around the city. I answered his questions, then he went back to his desk.

"You guys may talk quietly," he said.

Josh turned to me and put his hand on my back for a moment then took it off.

I was sure he was trying to tell me something through his touches. At that point, I had all sorts of thoughts running around in my mind. Mainly whether or not he was like me.

"Please," I thought in my head. "Please God, please let him want me if he is gay."

I was interrupted by someone talking to me.

"Michael is that alright?"

"Huh?" I said. "What?"

"I asked if we could have lunch together today." Josh said smiling.

"Yeah. I'd love that."

His hand was on my back again, and he got a nervous look on his face.

"Um, I've heard that we can go off school grounds to eat," Josh said.

"That's correct," I said. "Mr. Marshal told us that today when my friends and I were in his office."

"Well, I have to talk to you about something when we eat okay?"

"Sure. You can talk to me about anything," I said.

"Okay.?