Every part of me wanted to reach out and touch him. We were sitting about two feet away from each other and he was doing that thing he did where he cut his eyes in my direction and quickly looked away. I didn't think it was fair that I had to be that close to him. My mother wondered why my math grade was so low over the first month of school. I couldn't tell her that Elliot distracted me almost every day. He wasn't doing it on purpose. It wasn't his fault that my attention was focused solely on him and thoughts of him. He couldn't help it that he was too cute for words. Elliott was short for a senior in high school but that was part of the reason why I loved him. He was five foot two and I was six foot three. To most people, we didn't look right together. Those people didn't know how well we fit.
I had noticed Elliot for a couple of years but we were in completely different circles and there wasn't a reason for us to interact outside of the usual look of recognition. Algebra II was the first time we sat next to each other in any class. I joked with him a lot and in October I suggested we get together and study for an upcoming test. He suggested his house because his parents were rarely home and we would be able to listen to music as loud as we wanted to when we took a break from studying.
I'll admit that I was nervous about being alone with him. I didn't want to slip up and say the wrong thing to him. I was content with looking at him and jacking off at night to memories of his scent and the way he looked that day or the words he said to me.
My relationship with Elliot changed on a surprisingly windy Thursday. We had a chapter test the next day so we were planning on cramming as much information as we could in to our study session. I rang the doorbell and Elliot answered the door. He had changed clothes since school. Elliot was wearing black skinny jeans and a dark green t-shirt. His hazel eyes locked with mine and it took a second before I could say hello to him. He stepped to the side and I walked in his house. He closed the door and I stood there like an idiot and stared at him. He looked up at me. His pink lips were plump and sexy. The image excited me so I had to grab myself and readjust. Elliot's eyes were carefully watching me. I let my hand spend an extra second making the adjustment. His eyes suddenly looked up at me. He had to know that I caught him watching me.
He led me to the living room. He had his math book and a notebook on the table. We sat down on the sofa and I put my books next to his on the coffee table. I was about to open my math book when Elliot asked, "Why don't you play basketball?"
Normally I was offended when people assumed that because I was tall and black, I had to play basketball. It was annoying but I wasn't annoyed when he asked me. Given my height and my build I could see how he would wonder why I wasn't playing basketball. "I'm not an athlete."
He smiled and said, "I love basketball. I used to play all the time with my friends but my father wouldn't let me try out for the basketball team. My height would probably stop me from being a starter but my skills would make sure I was on the team. I could have been a three point specialist. I'm fast and I'm small. I can get open whenever I want to. High school was the only time I would be able to play for a team. I'm not going to make the cut when I go to college."
"I thought you said you had skills?"
"I have skills and no height and I'm going to be up against guys who have skills and height. I'm going to Duke. They recruit some of the top players in the country."
The answer seemed obvious to me. "If you want to play ball then go to a school where you have a chance of making the team."
"I can't. My parents went to Duke so it's kind of expected that I go there too."
"So you applied and got in already?"
"No. I'm going to apply next month. I know I'll get in. Not only are my parents alumni, but my dad is a legacy and my grandfather is good friends with the guy who looks at the applications from this region. I'm in. I could probably get a friend in if I wanted to." He sighed. "It's never been a question of if I'm going to Duke. It was clear from the time I was born that Duke is the only place I'm allowed to go."
"I haven't thought about schools yet."
"Well let me know if you want to go to Duke." There was an awkward moment where we both sort of paused and looked at each other. Elliot was first to look away, but he looked back so fast that I wondered why he even bothered looking away.
I cleared my throat. "So, um, should we start studying now?"
He looked confused for a split second then he said, "Yeah. Let's do that."
While he was quizzing me on vocabulary and the steps needed to solve certain problems, I was studying him. I loved the way he moved his arms when he spoke and the way he smiled at me when I got an answer right. His shirt fit him well but I was imagining it being even tighter. I hated being that close to him because I kept forgetting to breath. It was awful. I'd suddenly take a loud deep breath and he would pause and look at me. I was fighting the urge to reach for him and make some kind of physical contact. I wanted to put my hand on his thigh and make it obvious but I was too much of a punk to take a risk like that. I let my knee tap his and I jerked my leg away and said, "Sorry."
"It's cool."
He leaned forward and I wanted to slide my hand down his back then pull that shirt off of him. I realized it was a mistake for me to go to his house and be alone with him and sit that close to him. I coughed and asked, "Could I have a glass of water or something?"
He playfully smacked himself on the head. "Of course you can. My mother would be so disappointed in me. I have yet to master the nuances of proper etiquette."
"Does she say that to you?"
"All the time." He stood. "I may look nice and neat and proper but there's a poorly trained boy inside me."
"You don't look proper."
He turned and looked at me. "I don't? Are you sure because when I say proper, I mean preppy. Everyone thinks I look preppy."
"Not everyone. I don't."
"Why not? I'm well groomed and I dress like a fucking GQ model."
"The clothes you wear at school never seem to fit you right. They're too stuffy. The outfit you're wearing now is closer to the way I always thought you should dress." My eyes gave him a quick once over. "Your outfit suits you. Well the shirt could be a little tighter, but" my mind hit the panic button and I tried to think of a good insult or joke. We only spoke in math class. He and I never hung around each other. He had to wonder why I spent time thinking about the clothes that I thought he should wear. It was okay for me to think about him. I mean we saw each other everyday during the week, but I shouldn't have admitted it and I definitely shouldn't have commented on the tightness of his shirt. There was something about the way I said it that made sure I had all but confessed to thinking about him in that way.
"If this shirt was any tighter, my nipples would be showing." He walked around the coffee table and added, "My mother hates this shirt. She says I've outgrown it." I had never met his mother, but I already hated her. Any person who could look at him in that shirt and not think he was the cutest little thing had to have serious issues. "Are you sure you want water?"
"What else do you have?"
"There are too many options for me to list them." He gestured and said, "Follow me."
I stood and the disparity in our heights was so obvious. I towered over him. I felt like a giant but I liked the feeling. He was so cute, just like a little toy that I could pick up and play with. I lusted after him all the way to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and a pantry. All I could say was "Woah."
He giggled. "Yeah, I know. My parents always stock up before they leave. I should be fat by now but my body is still good at burning calories. My father keeps telling me I need to start going to the gym. He thinks the weight will catch up with me when I get in my late twenties." He leaned back against the counter and I wanted to walk over to him and stand in front of him. I wouldn't have kissed him right away. I would have hovered over him and stared in his eyes for at least a full minute then I would have moved in for the kill and shook his body with a kiss so passionate that it left both of us gasping for air. "So what do you want to drink?"
That was the moment I realized that I had been staring at him again. It was horrible to want him as badly as I did. I laughed and said, "I should probably be looking in the pantry." He nodded, but he didn't say anything. I looked in the pantry and saw two drinks that I wanted to try then I looked in the refrigerator and saw a drink called Snapple Apple. I took it out and showed it to him. "People keep telling me this drink tastes just like an apple. Is that true?"
"Well if that's what people are saying." He smiled. "Yeah, it's true. I like it. My mother buys it more for her than for me though. She loves that drink."
"Should I put it back?"
"No, drink it. She has more in the refrigerator in the basement." I opened the bottle and I heard him say, "You have really big hands."
In my mind, I traced my lip with my index finger then used the tip of my finger to rub the tip of my tongue before sticking my finger all the way in my mouth and slowly pulling it back out. In reality, I smiled and said, "I'm six three, I better have big hands."
"My hands are probably half the size of yours."
I held up my hand and he stepped closer to me and pressed his hand against mine. He suddenly pulled away. I was thankful for that because I would have clasped our hands together if he had left his hand there for one more second. Skin to skin contact with him was like an adrenaline rush. He blushed and stepped away. "Let's get back to studying. It's your turn to drill me."
"What did you say?"
"I said it's your turn to grill me. I've been asking you all the questions but I don't know everything. I need you to take me over the last chapter."
"Okay, I'll take you over," I paused to make sure I didn't slip and say anything dirty, "it."
We sat on the sofa and he said, "I'm glad you didn't reach for the beer."
"I don't drink."
"I do, but only when I'm lonely."
"You're underage."
"I know."
"Your parents let you drink?"
"Who do you think started me? They want me to have refined taste so we have a glass of wine with most dinners and my father only drinks the best beer." He sounded like he was mocking his father. "They count the drinks before they leave. I'm only allowed one bottle of wine a week and one beer a day."
"That's smart," I said.
He laughed, "It would be if I didn't have a fake id."
"You have a fake id and people actually look at you and believe it?"
"Hey I may look all of thirteen but as long as my id says I'm 25, there is nothing they can do about it."
"May I see it?"
He reached in his pocket and pulled out a wallet. I wondered how he was able to squeeze that wallet in to that tight pocket. He opened his wallet and took out a license. He handed it to me. I looked at it and it was good.
"Do you want one?" he asked.
"No thank you."
"Why not?"
"It's illegal."
He laughed. When my friends laughed at me for being straight-laced I would get annoyed but his laugh sounded so sweet. "So you really are as good as everyone says you are." He took his id out of my hand and put it back in his wallet. "I hear you don't smoke either."
"I don't. Do you?"
"No." I did a silent cheer in my head. I hated the idea of kissing a smoker. I would have done it for him but I wouldn't have liked it. "I'm not trying to insult you so don't take it that way, but why are you such a goody-goody?"
"My parents. They make sure I stay on the right path and I'm afraid my father would beat me to death if I messed up."
"He beats you?"
"No, not like that. I used to get spankings all the time but I learned how to stay in line. I just think he would lose it if I disappointed him too badly. I've seen his temper and it's not a pretty sight."
"You're afraid of him?"
"No, well, hmm, I guess I am, but it's a good kind of fear. It's the kind of fear that makes me respect him and not the kind of fear that makes me wish I was strong enough to hurt him."
"I'm afraid of my father." Our eyes locked and I wanted to put my arms around him and hold him but I grabbed the math book instead.
"We should probably get started again."
"Okay, but one more question."
"Okay."
"What's wrong with you?"
"Huh?"
"Nobody's perfect. There has to be something wrong with you. You've got the height, the looks, the body, the family, the friends, the personality, the clothes, I mean I could keep going. What don't you have?"
"A boyfriend." The look on his face was priceless. "I'm kidding. I just wanted to see the look on your face."
"I know you're joking. You've dated some of the hottest girls at school. There's no way you could be gay like me."
"You're gay?"
He gave me a look that made me feel slow. "Uh, yeah. Everyone at school knows."
"They do?"
"Yeah." He pulled his head back, "You didn't know?"
"No."
"I came out freshman year. I thought everyone knew."
My friends and I didn't know. No offense to Elliot, but my friends and I only talked about people worth talking about. I thought Elliot was in that category but my friends disagreed. I mentioned him one time and it took me five minutes just to get them to figure out which short kid I was talking about. I didn't understand how anyone could miss him.
"Do your parents know?"
"Of course not. My father would kill me and I mean literally kill me. He'd probably choke me to death so he could feel my body go lifeless in his hands."
"Why would you tell people at school if you didn't want your parents to find out?"
"I didn't exactly tell people. My boyfriend's older brother caught us together and told everyone. My parents heard rumors and my father confronted me but I told him it was a vicious rumor people had started because I dressed so well. He brushed it off whenever he heard rumors after that. Half the rumors he heard were probably true. I was a whore my freshman and sophomore years. If a guy looked at me long enough, I'd drop to my knees. Hell, to be honest, I let most of them bend me over. I made sure they used a condom but it was still stupid. I wanted to feel close to people and that intimate contact fulfilled my needs for a while."
It hurt me to hear him say those things. "I thought you said you had a boyfriend."
"He was a whore like me."
"Oh."
"I really thought you knew."
"Why?"
"Sometimes you look at me like you know exactly what I've done but you don't want to judge me." I almost interrupted him and confessed those were probably the times when I was staring at him and thinking dirty thoughts, which was almost every time I looked at him. He laughed. "To be honest, I didn't think you really wanted to study."
"What did you think I wanted to do?"
"Get your rocks off. Straight guys at school hit on me all the time when they want oral, but I stopped doing that kind of shit with the masses. My gifts shouldn't be shared with everyone. My sex crazed experimental phase ended at prom almost two years ago."
"Then why did you agree to study together and invite me over to your empty house?"
"Because I was willing to share my gifts with you."
I started feeling uncomfortable. I wondered if each time he had accidentally brushed against me had actually been on purpose. I knew I should change the subject but his sex life intrigued me. "Why did it end at prom? Weren't you a sophomore then? Sophomores can't go to prom unless they have an upperclassman as a date and I definitely would have heard if two guys went to prom together. I might have missed the whole gay thing, but prom? Nope. I wouldn't have missed that."
"You didn't miss it. I went with a girl. She was friends with Logan Phillips."
"You and Logan?"
"He put his head down. That's what I thought too, but when Logan asked me to go with Allison so we could hang out that night, I had to say yes. I mean it was Logan Phillips–the Logan Phillips and he wanted to hang out with me. No guy or girl at school had ever said no to Logan." Elliot was exaggerating but I didn't want to interrupt his story so I didn't call him on it. "Anyway, I had all these fantasies that we would be boyfriends until he left for college. I probably should have known better. We went to an after party and everyone was drinking." I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn't say Logan raped him. I knew Logan. I respected him. He was friends with my older brother.
"So what happened?"
"The limo came and most of the girls left. A few stayed, but they quickly paired off with some of the guys. More people started leaving after that. An hour later it was just me, Logan and about six other guys from the basketball team. Logan was sitting next to me and I remember he put his arm around me and whispered, `Now it's time for the real show to begin.' I didn't know what he meant until he kissed my neck. I didn't push him away because it was Logan. He reached for my junk and I was instantly hard."
I had to stop him. "He raped you?"
"No, let me finish."
"Okay."
"Logan whispered, One of my friends told me about that ass of yours. I had to try it once before I left for college.' At that point, I was still excited. Then he said, I already fucked Tina tonight, so I should be able to last for a while.' That should have been my clue that he didn't really like me the way I liked him, but I was young and dumb. He told me to go down on him and I suggested we go somewhere private but he didn't want to so I did it, right there in front of the other guys. I figured they all knew I was gay so it didn't matter. I mean four out of the six guys who were left had at least had a blow job from me and one of the guys had actually fucked me. I have a weakness for tall basketball types." I swear he winked at me when he said it. "So I had Logan nice and ready but I kept sucking him because I didn't really want to have sex with him in front of all of his friends. I heard him say, Get him ready for me.' and I felt hands reach for my pants and pull them down. Soon my underwear was off and someone was licking my ass. I wanted to know who it was but I didn't turn around. They did their thing while I did mine then the person said, He's ready.' I recognized the voice, even as a whisper. I turned around and it was my ex-boyfriend. He smiled and said, `Hey whore, funny seeing you here. On your knees as usual, I see.' Logan told him to knock it off. I was surprised that he and Logan knew each other. I later found out that they were cousins and the whole thing had been my ex's idea."
His eyes were filled with water so I knew it was hard for him to talk about it. "Why are you telling me this?"
He looked at me and said, "I don't know." We both sat there for a moment then he continued. "So Logan stood up and put on a condom and added more lube. He told me turn around and he got on his knees behind me on the floor and it was then that I realize the table had been moved and we had lots of space. Logan pushed me forward and entered me like I was nothing but a whore. I guess I was, but I had always imagined that he would be loving when we did it. One of the other guys in the room stood in front of me and put his dick at my lips. I shook my head at first, but Logan smacked me on my ass and told me to open my mouth for his friend. I sucked them and let them each do whatever they wanted to me because I thought that was what Logan wanted. When it was all said and done, my ex handed Logan a hundred dollars and said, I didn't think you'd actually do it.' Logan laughed and handed the money back. I should be paying you for recommending such a good little whore.' Logan patted me on my head and he and the other guys laughed. It was strange because even after letting those guys do whatever they wanted to me, I didn't feel like a whore until Logan said I was. He was right. I mean I hated my ex because he told my father we were gay and having sex on a regular basis and I had even had sex with him that night because I thought it was what Logan wanted me to do. It was so stupid. I felt lower than dirt. I mean I completely hated myself. I saw all of those guys around town after that night and all of them pretended not to know me. I didn't want to know me either."
I reached for his hand. "It was just sex."
"I used to think that, but it's never just sex. I mean I dismissed my promiscuity as normal experimentation and teenage hormones. I was always ready and willing to go so it was okay that I was having sex with so many people. When my father confronted me about Calvin, I told him Calvin was full of shit and we had never done anything. My father showed me the pictures Calvin had sent him and I somehow managed to convince my father that Calvin had doctored the pictures. I'm not sure if my father believed me but I think he needed to believe me because he couldn't bear the thought of me being that way."
"Logan and his friends were drunken assholes."
"Your brother was one of those assholes," he said.
"Quincy?" He nodded. "But he's not gay."
"None of them were. They did me because I was there and most of them were still horny and Logan said it was okay."
"Was he one of the ones who had been with you before?"
"No. That night was the first and only time he touched me."
I realized I hadn't taken a sip of my drink. I sat the bottle on the table and looked at him. He wasn't the innocent kid I had imagined he would be. He squeezed my hand. I squeezed his back and asked, "So was my brother any good?"
He laughed. "Yeah. He was better than Logan."
"My brother and Logan were best friends before prom but they were just friends after that. I thought college was the reason why they drifted apart, but it was probably that night. Quincy isn't that kind of guy. I'm not blaming the alcohol or excusing what he did, I mean guys in groups can do some pretty fucked up things."
"People in groups can do some pretty fucked up things."
He was right to correct me. It wasn't just guys who did stupid things when they got in groups. "I've never understood peer pressure. How can you let other people force you to change who you are and become someone you normally wouldn't like? I mean all of my friends drink and smoke but I don't do that shit. It isn't because I haven't had the opportunity or because they haven't pressured me; it's because that just isn't me. I'm not going to compromise who I am just so I can fit in with other people. If you like me then that's cool and if you don't then that's cool too. I've never felt the need to fit in with other people. Probably because the only people I've ever worried about pleasing are my parents and they have almost the same values that I do."
"Almost?"
"My parents have a few traditional values that I don't agree with."
"Like what?"
"Like my father gets the last word. He makes the final decision on nearly everything in my house and I hate the way my mother gives in to him. I wish she would fight for herself more. I mean she does when she's really passionate about something but other than that, she'll defer to him. She's more intelligent and opinionated than he knows. I don't understand why she hides it from him. She's amazing. She always helps me with my homework and she'll debate me on almost anything."
"I wish my mother would give in to my father a little more. I get so tired of hearing them argue." We were still holding hands. "You know I never told anyone about what happened that night."
"Why did you tell me?"
"I still don't know. It just felt like the right time to get that off my chest. I'll understand if you don't speak to me tomorrow."
"You're a sexual being. I'm not going to stop talking to you because of that."
"But you don't approve, do you?"
"I try not to judge. Judge not lest ye be judged."
"Oh no, please don't tell me you're obsessed with God."
"No. We go to church sometimes but I'm not a fanatic. I do like some of the messages though. I can't judge you based on what you've done in your past. I can only judge you based on who you are now and I like the person that you are now. You make me laugh almost every day in Algebra. It's the only class I look forward to going to."
"Because of me?"
I could have denied it, but he had been so open with me that I felt as if I owed it to him to be honest, "Yeah."
He let go of my hand and turned on the sofa so that he was looking directly at me. I looked at his eyes and met his intense gaze. He was searching for something, probably answers of some kind and I was praying that he would find them. He started moving closer to me and I stayed still until his face was inches away from mine. I looked at his lips then back at his eyes. In an instant, he straddled me and kissed me. It took me a second to react. I kissed him back and pulled him closer to me. My hands finally had the chance to glide down his back and pull his shirt over his head. He was so small but that was what I liked about him.
He rocked back and forth in my lap. I wasn't a virgin, but he made me feel like one. I was the hardest I could ever remember being. I loved the way his tongue felt as it snaked around my mouth. He pulled his lips away and whispered, "Don't be nervous," then his hand started reaching between us. I pushed him off of me. He immediately said, "I'm sorry."
"For what? I've been dreaming about that since the first time I saw you. You're a really good kisser."
"Then why did you push me away?"
"I've never had sex with someone I wasn't dating."
"You've had sex before?"
"Yes."
"But you're a goody-goody."
"I'm also a guy. I've had sex before."
"When did you lose your virginity?"
"Fourteen."
"To a guy?"
I laughed. "To a girl."
"Isabelle Lewis."
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"You dated her all of freshman year. I know you wouldn't cheat on someone you were with so it had to be her."
"How do you know I dated her? I didn't know you existed until I saw you walking with Shelly Ferguson during our sophomore year. Your hair was longer back then and you shook your head like they do in those sexy shots on tv and you tucked your hair behind your ear. I watched you walk down the hallway. You were so cute. I was dating Kimesha at the time and she got jealous because she thought I was checking out Shelly. Kimesha dropped my hand and hit me on the arm. She dumped me a few weeks later."
"I noticed you the first day of high school. You were staring at your schedule and you bumped in to Logan. He laughed with you and called you `little man' then he rubbed your head and I was jealous of you because I would have given anything for Logan to notice me. I mean you were cute and all, but Logan was Logan."
I smiled. "He was cocky as hell but he had the looks and the talent to back it up."
"So you liked him too?"
"No. I never liked him."
"You're lying!"
"I didn't say I never thought about him. I said I never liked him–not like that. He was more like another big brother to me. I could see how hot he was and I fantasized about him sometimes but I never wanted him the way I wanted you."
"Did you ever want anyone the way you wanted me?"
"I liked my girlfriends but I don't think so. I don't know. It's just something about you that makes my knees weak."
"So you really like me and you don't just want to have sex with me?"
I couldn't look at him and say yes, so I looked away, "I guess so."
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Okay, I'll date you." He moved back in to my lap and we started kissing again. It was all happening too fast for me. I didn't want to go from barely knowing him in the morning to having sex with him that night. As much as I wanted him, that wasn't the way I worked. I kissed him one good time so I could savor the taste and have something to jack off to later, then I stood up. He put his legs around me and said, "My bedroom is down the hall. It's the third door on the right."
I pried him off of me and I sat him on the sofa. He reached for my pants and I gently swatted his hand away. "I have to go."
"I thought you wanted me."
"I do, but I can't have sex with you right now and I know that's where this is headed."
"It's just sex, remember?"
"It's just sex to other people. When I do it, it's not just sex. I need more than that."
"You're a guy."
"I know. That's why I'm leaving. I need to get out of here while I'm still thinking with the right head."
To my surprise, he smiled and asked, "Do I at least get a kiss goodbye?"
"What do you think we just did?"
His hand slid down his chest suggestively and my eye twitched. I quickly put my books in my bag and walked to the door. I turned to say goodbye and I saw him coming towards me. I wanted to scoop him up and take him to his room. I knew I couldn't let him get close to me. I fumbled with the door and somehow managed to open it and get out of there before he reached me. I got in my car and sped home.
Elliot was everything I thought I didn't want and to top it off, my older brother had been with him. I had a policy against dating anyone that my brother had been with, but I knew I was going to make an exception for Elliot. On paper, he was no where near my dream man, but in reality he starred in most of my dreams. I didn't know what made him special. All I knew was that he was.
It felt strange to forgive him for so many traits that I would have found undesirable in anyone else, but I didn't care. I had to give us a chance if for no other reason than the fact that I needed to date him and get it out of my system before my desire for him drove me crazy.
I went home and my brother was in the kitchen rummaging through the refrigerator. He was attending a local college so he stayed at home with us. Most of his friends left town to go to college. I think it bothered him sometimes but he always said it didn't. He didn't get a basketball scholarship and he knew our parents couldn't afford to send him to an expensive school out of state so he stayed and made things easy on them. He was like my mother when it came to things like that. He willingly sacrificed his happiness for other people. That was part of the reason why I was shocked that he had a part in that ugly incident with Elliot.
He threw a bowl of leftover spaghetti on the table then he saw me. I asked, "Where are Mom and Dad?"
"They went to dinner with Uncle Brian. So, where you been?" He put a bottle of Coke to his lips and started drinking.
"I was over at Elliot Romaine's house." Quincy almost choked on the Coke. He spit some of it in the bottle and sat the bottle down.
"What the hell were you doing over there?"
"Studying and hanging out."
"Since when are you friends with him?"
"Why do you care?"
"I don't. He's just not the type of kid someone like you should be hanging around with."
"Why? He seems cool to me. Is there something you know about him that I don't?"
"He's gay."
"I know. Mom and Dad raised us not to discriminate against people."
"But he's gay gay."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He sighed. "Never mind. Be friends with whoever the hell you want to be friends with."
Quincy was so pissed off that he picked up the bottle and was about to leave the kitchen without warming the spaghetti. "Why are you so upset?"
"Why are you asking so many goddamn questions? That kid aint a good look for you but you do you. I'm not going to argue with you about that loser."
I decided to drop the ruse and let him know that I knew. "Q, how could you do that to him?"
"Do what?"
"You know what you and Logan and the other guys did to him."
"I'm not talking about that shit with you."
"Is that why you and Logan aren't as close anymore?"
"Yeah, something like that. You know that kind of thing isn't me."
"But what if it's me?"
"You couldn't do that to someone. There isn't enough alcohol or weed in the world to make someone like you do something like that."
"No, I mean what if I'm gay?"
He pulled out a seat and sat at the table. "So you think you might be gay so you went to see that slut?"
"It wasn't like that. He's not a slut."
"Do you want a list of all the guys he's fucked around with?"
"That was before. He's not that way anymore."
"How do you know?"
"He told me."
"And you believed him?"
"He told me the truth about everything else. Why would he lie about that?"
"He probably wants to get in your pants."
"Look Q, I like him and I believe him. I don't like the fact that you've been with him but I'm going to overlook it because I like him enough to see where this leads."
"What is there to like about him? He looks like a thirteen year old kid on a good day."
"I like him." He must have seen how serious I was because he took another swallow of his drink and looked away.
"So you're gay?"
"Yeah."
"I'm not," he said.
"I know you aren't."
"That thing with Elliot was"
"You don't have to explain. I know what it was. It was you and Logan being drunk and stupid."
"No one should be that stupid. Ew. I hadn't even shared a toothbrush with Logan before that night." Q winced like it was a painful memory. "Look, I don't really want to talk about this anymore. If you're gay then that's cool. You know I wouldn't trip over that but you need to have better taste in guys." He stood and took the bowl over to the microwave.
"You warming that for me?"
He laughed. "You better look in the fridge and find something to eat."
One thing I loved about my brother was that he tried not to make a big deal out of things. He could have made my coming out more difficult than it was, but his only objection was my choice for a potential boyfriend. I wasn't hungry. My mind was too active to slow down and think about food. I had kissed Elliot and I knew that he liked me too. He wasn't as sensitive as I was but I dismissed that to his experiences.
I bombed my test the next day because I was too busy trying not to get hard in class. Sitting next to Elliot and knowing what we had done the night before was too intense for me. I was less focused than usual. I read the same questions three or four times and still couldn't remember what they were asking for. I managed to do a couple of the straight forward problems, but I couldn't wrap my mind around the word problems. I looked over at Elliot once and he looked at me and smiled. I probably would have creamed my pants if I didn't pinch myself. I should have jacked off that morning. I knew I was going to see him and I knew what effect that would have on my body. I hadn't had sex with anyone in a year.
At the end of class, Elliot grabbed my arm. "Dante." The way he said my name was sweet melodious music to my ears. He asked me if I wanted to come over and hang out with him after school. I couldn't say no. I suggested we go to Arby's and grab something to eat on the way to his place. He whispered, "Is that going to count as a date?"
I almost leapt out of my skin when I saw the way he was looking at me. "Sure."
He slowly dropped his hand from my arm. I instantly missed his small fingers pressing in to my skin. "Okay. I'll meet you at Arby's."
I shouldn't have made plans with him because I spent the rest of the school day completely distracted by thoughts of him. I was looking forward to seeing him and talking to him. I liked the way the words flowed so easily from my lips when I was with him and I liked knowing that he trusted me enough to tell me something he hadn't told anyone else.
I went to Arby's and he was already there. He was sitting in a booth in the corner, but he was facing the line so it was easy to spot him. He smiled at me and I waved and hurried to buy something so I could go sit with him. I sat across from him because I knew it would be dangerous to sit next to him. I didn't care if people saw us because my business was my business, but I didn't want to make a scene in public and I was afraid my lips might accidentally crash against his if we were that close.
I said, "Hi."
"Afraid to sit next me?"
"Yeah." He blushed. I hadn't seen him blush before. Just like everything else about him, it was cute. His face got red a little under his eyes towards the top of his cheeks. He looked away. "Are you blushing?"
"You should have seen the way you looked at me when you said that, like I'm the only person here right now. It was sweet. Guys aren't sweet to me."
"Well they should be."
"Keep saying things like that and I just might keep you around."
"Like you could get rid of me."
"I guess you're right. If you could hear what I told you last night and still be here today looking at me like that, it's going to take a lot to get rid of you."
I wondered if that was what he had been trying to do. One of my friends came over and spoke to me. He looked at Elliot and asked me, "How do you know Elliot?"
"We have math together."
"Oh." I didn't like the way he looked at Elliot. He didn't look at him like he wanted to sleep with him, but rather like Elliot should have been ashamed to seen in public.
"How do you know Elliot?" I asked.
"I don't know him. Not really. I've just heard his name mentioned a couple of times."
Elliot looked down. "Good things?" I asked.
"Things," he said.
"Like what?"
He suddenly became nervous. "Things."
"Okay well I'll see you later." He took a final look at Elliot then walked away. "Is he one of the guys from your past?"
Elliot said, "No. I told you I thought everyone knew. People who I have never seen before at school sometimes say things to me about it."
"Do your friends give you a hard time about it?"
"What friends?"
"I just assumed"
"I stopped having friends junior year. There are a couple of people who are nice to me, but no one really wants to be friends with me."
"I do."
"Even you want more than friendship."
I thought about it. He was right. "You're right. I do want more than friendship."
"Do you want to get out of here?"
"Yeah."
I followed him to his house. I promised myself that I wasn't going to have sex with him. I had a two month rule and I was going to keep it. I had kept it with every girlfriend I had and I was going to keep it with my first boyfriend. Thinking of him as my boyfriend made me wonder if I had a right to think of him that way. We were something more than friends but something less than boyfriends. I wouldn't call us friends with benefits because I wasn't going to partake in the benefits until we were boyfriends.
He sat on his sofa and I foolishly sat next to him. I put my arm around him and he leaned in to me. "You're so big," he said. "You could wrap your arms around me and make me disappear."
It was an odd thing for him to say but I was enjoying the way he fit perfectly in my arm so I didn't pay it much attention. "What do you want to do?" I asked.
"Let's watch a movie."
"Okay." He put in a dvd and came back to his seat. When he clicked it on, I knew it was a porno. I sat up on the sofa, "Do you have a regular movie?"
"Watch this with me," he made a puppy dog face and added, "please."
I gave in. "Okay." Of course it was a gay porno. It was an interracial porno with a big black guy and a regular sized white guy. I wondered if Elliot was trying to seduce me. I wasn't wondering very long because his hand was massaging my thigh about two minutes in to the movie. I pushed his hand away.
"Come on, let me jerk you off." His small lips made contact with my neck and I knew I was lost. I let his hand massage its way up my thigh and slither in to my pants. My dick was out of my pants about ten seconds later. He jerked me for a while. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. The sounds of sex coming from the tv only added to the feelings I had. My eyes shot open when I felt the warmth of his body disappear from my side. He was on his knees in front of me. He must have known I was going to try to stop him because he put his finger to his lips and said, "Just close your eyes and let me do this." If I was thinking with the right head, I would have said no, but I was too far gone.
His small lips started out by planting tiny kisses all over my shaft. I could tell he was going to be good by the way he sucked in the tip then dropped it from his lips and blew air over it. It excited me even more. When he really went to work on me, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. He was better than all of the girls who I had been with. He knew where to touch and how to touch it. I didn't last long. I came and I thought he would be disappointed that I came so soon, but he wasn't. He swallowed every drop then crawled up in my lap and kissed my cheek.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be. You lasted longer than most of the guys I've been with." He hugged me and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth. "I'm going to move because I know you don't want to go much further than where we just went." He licked his lips. "So I'm your first guy ever?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"I told you that you were."
"That makes me feel special," he said.
"You are special." I could tell it was hard for him to take a compliment. "I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that I have a two month rule."
"A what?"
"A two month rule. I have to be dating you for at least two months and you have to be my boyfriend before we go all the way."
"Why? That's silly."
"I've always been that way with girls."
"But I'm a boy." He moved closer to me on the sofa. "This is one of your things, isn't it? If I finish seducing you and we have sex today, you won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow, will you?"
"I'd look, but I'd be disappointed in the guy looking back at me."
"If this was two years ago, I wouldn't care about how you felt in the morning." He turned off the movie. "You're lucky I care." He sat up and said. "You should spend the night."
"I just told you about my rule."
"I know. I'll make sure you don't break it." There was a slight pause. "I've never had a guy hold me all night, not even after sex. It would be nice to go to sleep in your arms and wake up that way without having to exchange sex for that kind of intimacy." I must have been looking at him strange because he smiled and said, "I watched Dr. Phil yesterday before you came over."
"Oh."
"So are you going to call your parents and see if its okay?"
"I'm 18, I don't have to call them." He made a face and I laughed. "Give me a minute." I grabbed the phone that was sitting on the end table and called my mother's cell. She was more lenient than my father when it came to last minute plans. I asked her if I could stay over a friend's house and she said sure. She asked where I was and I told her. I was honest with her. She trusted me and I never wanted to lose that trust so I had always told her the truth about where I was. I might have omitted details about what I or the people around me were doing, but I was truthful about my location. I hung up then phone and asked, "So if you're not going to seduce me, what are we going to do?"
"Plan B."
"What's that?"
"Get to know each other on a personal level instead of a physical level." He looked towards my lap. "You should probably put that away." I blushed. I hadn't thought about it. I put it away and I could feel Elliot's eyes staring at my hand as I tucked it back in my underwear and zipped and buttoned my pants. My two month rule felt dumber and dumber as each second ticked away. "So why are you attracted to me? Do you have a thing for little kids?"
I laughed. "My brother asked me almost the same thing last night."
"You told your brother about me?"
"Yeah. I told you I like you. My brother and I are close. I had to tell him."
"I bet he warned you to stay away from me."
"He did, but I like you enough to see where this goes."
"So how do you know you like me and you're not just attracted to me?"
"Because I'm attracted to a lot of people but none of them give me the feeling that you do."
"What feeling?"
"Sickness."
He started cracking up. "You like me because I make you sick?"
"Not that kind of sick. You make me sick because I don't like sitting near you in class because it's hard for me to concentrate on anything else when you're in the room let alone sitting close enough for me to reach out and touch you. Sick as in my stomach sometimes cramps up when you smile at me. Sick like I think I could break my two month rule and maybe not give a damn. Sick like I get nervous around you and I open my mouth and say things that I don't want to say but I can't help but say it because its you and I'm in a constant battle to control my urges when I'm around you because we've been together for years in my head. I mean in my head we're like married and ready to adopt a baby. It's crazy and a little scary and I'll shut up now."
"You know what scares me about you?"
"I say the wrong things?"
"No. You say all the right things. What scares me is that I know you mean it when you say you like me and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that kind of sincerity. I mean it used to be that I would just have sex with a guy because he said he liked me, well, that's a bad example because I probably would have had sex with you yesterday if you hadn't left and tonight if you hadn't told me about your two month rule. It's more than that anyway. I don't understand how you can be 18 and already be so confident in yourself and who you are. I mean there are things you stand for and you live by those convictions. You're such a good person. We're so different. I'm almost afraid to like you because I don't see how you and I could ever work. I can't believe you're willing to ignore my past and that thing with your brother just so you can see what it's like to date me. I'm really not that wonderful."
"Neither am I. I may be clean cut, but no one is perfect. I admit that you're nothing like the guy most people would assume I would date, but that shit doesn't matter to me. Those guys don't make me feel the way you do. I know I don't know you very well, but that's what dating is for. The reason why I wait to have sex is because I want to know at least a little something about the person."
"Have you always waited two months?"
"At least two. With some of my girlfriends I waited longer than that. Isabelle was my first girlfriend and we didn't have sex until close to the end of our relationship. We had dated a year by then."
"A year? What were you doing together if you weren't having sex?"
"We were thirteen and fourteen. We thought it was cool when we held hands in public and went to the movies together. That was dating for us. Other people started telling us that we should be having sex and so one night we did. It actually ruined our relationship because it forced us to face the fact that we were better as friends. She's like my sister now."
"Does she know that you're gay?"
"No one knew until last night."
"I thought Quincy knew."
"I told him last night."
"Oh."
"He reacted pretty much the same way I expect my parents to react."
"How's that?"
"Like it isn't a big deal."
"So why is he the only one you told?"
"My parents were gone last night."
"Or else you would have told them?"
"Probably not. I'm just getting used to the idea myself. This is the first time I've ever done something about my attraction to guys."
"So when you said I was your first guy, you didn't mean the first guy to go down on you but like literally the first?"
"Yes."
"So I'm your first kiss with a guy and hand job with a guy and blow job with a guy"
I interjected, "And in two months you'll be my first sex with a guy."
He grinned as if he loved that idea. "I love the idea of that," he said.
"Being literally the first or having sex with me?"
"Both. In fact, I can't really decide which idea I love the most. It's like you saved yourself for me."
"I had sex with girls."
He smiled and covered his eyes, "Stop reminding me. I never made that mistake."
"It wasn't so bad."
"But it's nothing like being with me." He winked and my dick sprang in to action.
"I think we need to change the subject."
"Me too because I'm picturing those fingers of yours doing some things to me that would force me to help you break your rule." His gaze was on my hand and my hand was slowly massaging my erection through my pants. I hadn't realized I was doing it until he made his comment. "This is good," he said.
"What?"
"When you like someone, there should be chemistry and we definitely have that part covered."
I swallowed hard. "Maybe I should go home."
"No, don't. I promise I'll behave and I'll make sure you do too. It will be nice to go to sleep without downing three or four beers first."
"You drink every night? Even when your parents are here?"
"Yeah. I keep beers stashed in a refrigerator in my closet."
"How big is your closet?"
"It's a small refrigerator." He stood. "I usually need something to take the edge off. I didn't drink last night though. I was too busy thinking about you and wishing you had stayed." He extended his hand to me. "Come check out my room."
"It's a little early to go to bed."
"We can watch tv or a movie or get on my computer or play a video game. There are other things to do in my room besides get in bed."
"Okay."
His hand felt so tiny. He led me to his bedroom. His room was about twice the size of mine. If they knocked down the wall between my room and Quincy's room and opened up the area, it would still be smaller than Elliot's bedroom. I sat on the loveseat in his room and I noticed all of the pictures of him and his family. He followed my gaze and said, "We used to do things together all the time."
"What happened?"
"I stopped growing." He laughed. "No, the rumors started that I was gay and they started pulling away from me. Suddenly they were going on trips all the time and I was left at home, alone or with the company of some guy who just wanted to fuck me and leave. I sure got more than my share of attention while they were gone and I didn't really discriminate much. I just wanted someone to touch me. I stopped putting out and wouldn't you know it, I suddenly wasn't very popular. No one wanted to just hang out and cuddle."
He sat next to me and I felt sorry for him. His parents had to know that some of those rumors were true. It sounded like they had already abandoned him and they were just waiting for indisputable evidence so they could make it official.
I moved from the loveseat and laid on his bed. I tapped the bed and told him, "Come here." He got in the bed and turned his back to me. I wrapped my arms around him and said, "We should lay like this and talk for a while."
"That sounds nice."
We talked until we both dozed off then we woke up and ordered some food. I watched him reach for a beer then put it back and grab a half gallon of fruit punch. I watched in amazement as he ate twice as much as I did and polished off the half gallon. "Where do you put all that food?"
"I'm an emotional eater. I pig out when I'm happy or sad or stressed."
"Which one are you now?"
"I think I'm happy. I'm not really sure what that emotion feels like though because it's been a while. Are you happy when you can't stop smiling and you keep praying that what's happening to you is real and you won't close your eyes and find that it was all a dream?"
I said, "Now you know how I feel." He blushed and I smiled. "I'm happy that I'm finally getting a chance to know you."
"I'm happy too."
There was something that had been broken in him but I truly believed that I was in possession of whatever he was missing and I could make it better. We had a nice dinner together and we talked half the night.
It was easy to fall in love with him. If I was being honest with myself, I would have admitted that I was halfway in love with him well before our `study session.' He did it for me–plain and simple–no excuses, he just did. He turned out to be a really caring boyfriend and he was respectful of my rule. He kept me from breaking it on more than one occasion and that just made me love him more. By our one month anniversary, I was head over heels in love with him and my heart was his and his alone.
Things between us moved fast like we were making up for lost time. We were already out at school thanks to an incident in the boy's locker room. I had Elliot meet me in there after school. I just wanted to kiss him and I couldn't wait until we went to his house. As soon as he entered the locker room, I picked him up and started kissing him. There was no better feeling than to have his arms and legs draped around me. The basketball team was supposed to have an away game, so you can imagine my surprise when the door opened and the team came walking in. There was no denying what we had been doing.
I smiled and said, "Hey guys." Elliot was about to drop down, but I held him tight and started walking. "I thought you guys had a game." They all stared at me like I had two heads.
One of them finally said, "It was cancelled."
"Oh, okay. Well we'll be leaving now." I walked us out of the locker room and I could hear the guys asking each other what the hell that was all about.
I heard one of the guys say, "The guy in his arms was Elliot Romaine. You know that guy that we heard all those stories about."
I tried to walk faster because I didn't want Elliot to hear what else was being said. One of the guys from the team asked me about it the next day and I told him Elliot was my boyfriend. I had already discussed it with Elliot and he didn't care who knew. Word spread surprisingly fast. I didn't think anyone cared about my business that much but it turned out that almost everyone cared because I was Quincy's little brother and Quincy was still popular at my school even though he had graduated two years before. He and Logan had led the school to our one and only appearance in the state championship for basketball.
A couple of guys pulled me to the side and enlightened me about Elliot's past. I told them I knew, but he wasn't like that anymore. They stared at me in disbelief. I told them that every person had the ability to change.
Elliot had met my parents and exchanged a few awkward pleasantries with Quincy, but I hadn't properly introduced him to my parents. They didn't know that I was gay and that he was my boyfriend and I wanted to claim him as mine in front of them before he and I had sex for the first time. On the eve of our two month anniversary, Elliot came over for dinner and I told my parents about us. They didn't seem surprised.
"How'd you know?" I asked.
My mother smiled, "Cynthia called me and told me that her son caught you kissing some boy in the locker room a couple of weeks ago."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I know you. I knew you'd sit us down and tell us once you figured out if that was what you really wanted."
I held Elliot's hand. "It is. I mean he is."
Quincy looked like he was about to gag. My father looked stoic. He said, "Okay, now we've talked about it. Will someone please pass the rest of the mashed potatoes?"
I knew my father. He was dismissing my announcement because he was disappointed in me. I was caught off guard by his reaction. I assumed both of my parents would act just like Quincy. "I'm sorry to disappoint you."
He sat down the bowl of mashed potatoes and said, "You haven't disappointed me but your mother and I have been talking about this for two weeks and I'm a little tired of the topic. I'm glad its all out in the open, but you know how your mother and I are. You're still our son and you always will be. I'm not going to love you any less. I mean Ricky is my best friend and he's gay."
"He is?"
Quincy laughed, "You seriously thought Chris was just his roommate?"
"Yes."
My father laughed with him. "How could you not know? But that's besides the point. I go over to their place and watch the game with them all the time. I've never cared that Ricky was gay and I've known about him since I was 14. If you want to know what my problem is, then I'll tell you. I don't understand why we had to hear about it from someone else. You should have told us as soon as you knew."
Elliot's mother called and told him to come home. I walked him to the door and kissed him goodbye. It was hard to sleep that night because I knew I was going to have sex with Elliot the next day. I was more than ready to share that experience with him.
Elliot had booked us a room at a local hotel because his parents had the bad timing of picking that weekend as one of the weekends when they actually stayed at home with him. I felt like an adult when we walked up to the counter and checked in to our room.
We entered the room and Elliot said, "Well we're here."
I turned him around and picked him up. We kissed for a few minutes, but both of us rushed to get our clothes off and get to the main event. I wanted him more than I thought possible. I was amazed that after all the sexual things we had done together, the thought of entering him made my body leak.
I put him down. He got on the bed and I reached in my bag and took out a condom and some lube. He sucked his finger then pushed it up his ass and I almost came as I watched him. He took his finger out and looked at me like he was lost. I had put my fingers in him before. He was always so tight. He started gliding his fingers over his stomach and staring at me. I knew what he wanted so I crawled next to him on the bed. I sat the lube and the condom on a pillow and I put my middle finger up to his lips. He opened his mouth and sucked my finger in then he spit it out. I didn't waste any time. My finger was lined up at his entrance and pushing in only a moment later. He loved when I fingered him. I fingered him for a while and we kissed. That was usually as far as we went in terms of penetration, but we were about to go further. His ass seemed to be eagerly waiting for something bigger.
He broke the kiss and said, "Let me taste you." He kissed his way down my body and plunged on my dick like it belonged in his mouth. I understood what some of those singers meant when they said every time was like the first time because that's how it was with Elliot. If anything, being with him seemed to get better and better. He sucked me until I came in his mouth then he said, "Now we can have some real fun."
We both hoped I would last for a while so we could prolong our first time. He put the condom on me and lubed me up pretty good then he turned his ass to me and passed me the lube. I applied a lot of lube to his hole and I wondered how my big dick was going to fit inside him then I thought about the performances he put on for me in his bedroom. He would sometimes fuck himself with a dildo and call out my name. I would either jack him off or sit in a chair and jack myself off while I listened to him moan my name in pleasure. It was so wrong yet so right. I was glad to finally be taking the place of the dildo.
We had already discussed the arrangements. Elliot was going to start out on top because he because he had experience. I stuck my finger in his ass a couple of times to make sure he was good and lubed. He pulled away and turned to face me. "Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yes."
He held my dick and slowly sat down on it. I held my breath as I disappeared inside him. He rubbed my chest with his free hand and said, "Breathe."
I tried breathing but it wasn't working out so well. He was so little and so amazing and so cute. I wanted to keep him all to myself but I knew that would be selfish. I was shocked when I felt his ass make contact with my balls. I couldn't believe that I was all the way inside him. I mean I was balls deep inside his tight ass. It was better than any wet dream I had ever had about him. His ass muscles felt like they were trying to milk my dick. That, combined with the visual of watching myself go in and out of him and seeing the pleasure on his face and hearing the pleasure as he panted was about to send me over the edge but he sensed it and stopped moving. I started pumping in to him hoping to get that feeling back.
He put his hand on my chest and said, "Slow down. I want you to chase that feeling for longer than a minute." He smiled. "Yes, I could tell." I leaned my neck forward and he leaned down and kissed me. We kissed for a few seconds then he asked, "Can you handle this?"
"God I hope so." He giggled and started rocking back and forth and contracting his ass muscles and just making me feel too good for words. I stopped him. "I need a second." He understood.
"It makes me feel good to know that you're enjoying yourself."
"How could I not? I'm with you."
"You're too good for me," he said as he leaned in for another kiss. We tried to have him ride me a couple more times but each time, I was close to blowing in less than a second.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Let's try something else." He crawled off of me and got on all fours. "Get behind me."
I was nervous when I started entering him from behind, but he pushed back against me and made sure I was as far inside him as I could get in that position. I was still close to the edge but looking at his back seemed to help me calm down and last a little longer than I could have with him on top of me. I enjoyed his body for a while. I was about to come so I pulled out. I wanted him to be able to look in my eyes when I came. I wanted him to see that it was more than sex to me. I knew that he knew it, but I wanted him to see it. I was going to have him get on top of me but he laid on his back and spread his legs.
I laughed. "Okay, we can do that."
He smiled and I eased in to him. Once I was inside him, he wrapped his legs around me and limited my movement. His ass twitched and I started pumping in to him so hard that I was lifting both of us off the bed each time I tried to pull out. It was nothing short of intense and everything beyond amazing. I came harder than I had the first time that evening. I laid on top of him with my head to the side of his and I basked in the afterglow of my first time with a man.
"How was it?" he whispered.
"It was everything I thought it would be and more."
He stroked my cheek. "I'm glad I was your first." I loved the way he always made it seem like the girls I had been with didn't count.
"Me too." I kissed his nose and said the only thing that had been left unsaid between us, "I love you."
I thought he wouldn't be ready to say it back, but he quickly said, "I love you too." He added, "I've had what I thought was great sex before but it pales in comparison to the way you just made me feel. It's official, you have catapulted yourself to the top of the list with a gold star and a big smiley face next to your name. I even think I'll add a `please do that again with him' next to it." I laughed then kissed him and that concluded our first time.
My first time with a guy couldn't have been more perfect than my night with him. I was hooked on him after that. With Isabelle, sex had ended our relationship, but with Elliot, sex seemed like the one thing our relationship had been missing.
Things were good between us. He and I made a really great match. We complemented each other like missing pieces of the same puzzle and my mother said that was a good thing. My family liked Elliot. Even Quincy seemed to warm towards him. Quincy was happy for me. He was even happier when Elliot introduced him to the basketball coach at the state university. One of his players had been arrested and would no longer be able to play for the school. The coach remembered Quincy from his recruiting visits. He had picked Logan over Quincy. He invited Quincy to come work out with the team and he offered Quincy a basketball scholarship a few weeks later. Suddenly Quincy thought Elliot was a really good guy.
Elliot's parents liked me. They thought Elliot and I were close friends. It should be no surprise that Elliot's parents worked their magic and got me an acceptance letter and a scholarship to Duke.
On my graduation day, my mother freaked out because both of her babies would be leaving her in the fall. She cried so hard that I felt guilty for leaving but my father told me that she would be fine. He said they both knew that day was coming but she hadn't prepared herself for it. I tried to spend a lot of quality time with her over the summer. Elliot was usually there but she treated him like he was a third son so it was okay for him to be there. Elliot was so understanding about it. He told me we would have plenty of alone time in our apartment near campus so he could wait until then.
He whispered, "You already know I'm willing to wait for you." We found time to have sex with each other but we didn't go on many one on one dates over the summer.
We made it all the way through college as a couple. Quincy was shocked. He said college was the great divider of couples but he was glad to see we made it. I won't say it was easy. We definitely had our issues, but being with him was something I never doubted. I had to be in his life and I knew he felt the same way about me. Once we had that established, we were okay with jumping over the hurdles that life put in front of us.
We decided to get have a civil union ceremony on the fifth anniversary of our first time together. We were the only ones who knew what the date represented. The night before our ceremony, Elliot called me in to the bedroom.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I need you in here for a minute." He picked up the phone and dialed a number. My heart skipped a beat because I knew what he was going to do. He said, "Hi Mom, is Dad home?" She responded and he said, "Good. Would you tell him to get the phone, but don't hang up because there is something I want to say to both of you." I sat next to him and put my arm around him. "Hi Dad. I called to tell you guys something." There was a pause. "Back in high school there were a lot of rumors about me and you guys said you didn't believe any of them but I know you were lying. I noticed that your trips became more frequent after the rumors started, like you couldn't wait for an excuse to be away from me. You didn't treat me differently when you were home but I felt the change between us. I also noticed that you guys don't go on as many trips now that I'm not home." He held the phone. "No Mom, stop. I didn't call to argue about it. I called to tell you what you already know but never wanted me to say: I'm gay. I'm in love with Dante and we're going to have a ceremony tomorrow. I don't expect you guys to be there but I didn't want to commit to him without letting everyone I love know about it. You're the only people I haven't told, so now you know." He was listening to something they were saying. "Yes, I understand. That's fine. I'll talk to you later." He hung up.
"What did they say?"
"They won't be able to make it. It's too short notice." This was the same couple who would jet off to an international destination at the drop of a hat, but twenty four hour notice was somehow not enough time. We both knew why they weren't going to be there. Elliot was relieved that they hadn't disowned him. "At least they still love me," he said. He kissed my cheek. "Besides, I have you. What more could a man want?"
I kissed him and said, "A good roll in the hay."
He laughed and moved out of my arms. "Oh no, I already told you I'm not having sex with you tonight. You'll have to wait until tomorrow. After you've professed your love for me in front of all your friends and family I can be your bed buddy again." He grabbed his away bag. "Now I'm going to spend the night at the hotel. I will see you tomorrow."
"At least give me a kiss before you go."
He walked back to the bed and kissed me. "I can't wait until tomorrow," he said.
"Me neither."
He kissed me one more time and said, "You're going to be stuck with me forever."
"Now there's something to dream about," I said.
He kissed my cheek and said, "Well then sweet dreams."
I watched him walk out of our bedroom and I knew we were going to make it because I started missing him before he reached the door. We were an odd couple but the love between us overpowered all of our differences. When I looked at him, I didn't see a five foot two white guy. I saw Elliot, the man I loved.
Copyright Lustyville 2010
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