This is a true story and it is very close to my heart. It tells about the one guy that I would use the term "lover" to describe. I am opening my soul, here and I know that that can be dangerous. As always your coments are welcome.
ben_sc@hotmail.com
David Chapter 3
David called me as soon as Lisa left for work and I fairly flew to his apartment. We spent the largest part of the day together. We would kiss and hold each other and when we became extremely aroused, we would back away, find something else to do-watch TV, eat lunch talk from opposite ends of the couch. At one point David began playing his piano and he and I sang hymns.
He played piano at his church and we knew many of the same songs. I sat on the bench next to him and sang, he would stop and turn to kiss me and we would be all over each other up to the "point of no return". We had our shirts off and I had his cock out of his pants and was masturbating him, but he made me stop. He told me if I couldn't cum, then he wouldn't either. We calmed down and he played some more while we sang.
It was one of the most frustrating days of my life. We wanted each other so badly, but we each knew that we couldn't and we had to wait until Friday. We also talked a lot that day. We became closer and found out so much about each other. He spoke more in depth about what had gone on with Howard and Joey and it was still very painful for him. He was still not on good terms with his brother. It was so bad that he and Joey had to visit their mother's house at separate times.
Hey Baby,
It's funny, the more time I spend with you, the more I want to be with you. I am so happy when I am with you, even though we sort of tortured each other all day long. We both know what we mean to each other. Have a great night and I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you!
Long hard wet tongue kisses, Ben
HELLO SWEETNESS,
HOPE YOUR HAVING A GOOD NIGHT SO FAR! I REALLY ENJOYED BEING WITH YOU TODAY; EVEN THOUGH WE DID NOTHING BUT GET WORKED UP FOR NOTHING (DANGIT) I STILL ENJOYED BEING WITH YOU.
I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU; I REALLY HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT US. I FEEL THAT YOU REALLY FNOW WHAT I LIKE AND WHAT MY NEEDS ARE AND THAT YOU WILL FULFILL THEM TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE. I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE ALOT ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW BUT JUST REMEMBER THAT I DO LOVE YOU, AND THERE MAY BE MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB, BUT TOGETHER WE WILL GET TO THE TOP. I THINK MY PAINS ARE GONE NOW THAT I HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH YOU BUT THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO DO FOR AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE. I HAVE WAITED FOR MY "PRINCE CHARMING" TO RIDE UP ONE DAY AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET AND HE DID ON 1-27-99. I REALLY LIKE THE WAY YOU SMILE AT ME , THE WAY YOU TOUCH ME , THE WAY YOU KISS ME , THE WAY YOUR HAIR FEELS IN MY HANDS(of course during the intimate parts), THE WAY YOUR BODY SWEATS AGAINST MINE , THE WAY YOU HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS, THE WAY YOU TOUCH ME BEFORE GOING DOWN ON IT , THE WAY YOU FEEL INSIDE ME , THE WAY YOU HOLD ME AFTERWARDS. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINING OF MY LOVE FOR YOU. I CAN'T PUT INTO WORDS HOW I REALLY AND TRULY FEEL ABOUT YOU, BUT HOPEFULLY THIS LETTER WILL GIVE YOU A GENERAL IDEA .
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS,
D.S.
You have changed me, thank you.
Good Morning, Love!
My first thoughts of the day are of you, as are the last and all of those in between. I love you, all of you, completely and totally. As frustrating as it was not to complete our love physically, I know we grew closer and our love is stronger in spite, or because, of it. I have had a few guys that I have loved, or thought I did. In either case, it wasn't accepted or returned to me. It's a very painful experience to open your heart to someone and have them slam it shut, or even worse, ignore it. I think you experienced some of that from Howard with the help of Joey. I'm so sorry you were hurt. I hope I can help you to heal that pain and maybe even help you forgive them. How did you put it? "Build a bridge and get over it." If they have HALF of what we have, be happy for them. You were meant to be with ME, right here, right now.
Yesterday, as close as we came, and so many times, I didn't feel like I might lose control Until the very end. When you realized that I finally had to go the sad look on your face nearly made me cry. I have tears in my eyes now, just thinking about it. I hate leaving you. It's like pulling off my arm, it's so painful. I realize now that it's not my arm, but my heart that's being torn out. The good news is that I'm leaving it in good hands-yours. I want to hold you forever, to kiss you, touch you, look into your eyes, laugh with you, listen to you play, and make endless, sweet, beautiful, wonderful love to you with our bodies and our hearts.
I well know how hard it is too describe one's feelings of love. I don't think there are words for it. But I do know your love, I feel it. I fully accept every part of it. I cherish it as a treasure of unimaginable value. I am touched, and more than a little flattered that you would entrust me with it, and I'll do my best to care and nurture it for you, for just as long as you are willing to let me experience it.
I love being with you, no matter what we are doing. I know that I could never hide what I feel for you, from anybody. I can't touch you in public but I know that there must be an aura surrounding us whenever we are together. We'll just have to be very careful, won't we? It seems unfair though. I am so happy that I want to get on the network news and tell the world, "I love David and he loves me!"
I was in such a panic when I got to your house yesterday. You seemed so distant, so changed in your feelings for me. I now realize that you weren't really feeling very well with the pains and being tired. I almost left. I thought that I had lost you somehow. I was dying right there in your living room. My biggest fear is that you won't want me any more. It haunts me and terrifies me. I guess I don't think I really deserve to have your love, this happiness. I'll get over it eventually. Just know that if I get weird on you, that's why, okay?
I know you probably won't read this until later on today, but have a great day. Call when you can and let's look forward to Monday!
I love you, I want you, I need you. Thank you for letting me love you! Ben
David called me at work the next day and asked me if I could make some signs for his Optometrists shop where he worked. I asked him what he needed and he told me. I made them (they looked great) and took them to him.
He had several customers and I didn't get to spend much time with him at all, but I did get to see him. While he was working with customers, he would look up from time to time and see me there, watching him and smile that beautiful smile. I retrospect, if there was anyone watching us, I'm certain that they would know exactly what was going on between us. I waited until he got through with his customers and told him good-bye and went back to work. I wrote him an email before I left for the day.
Hello Lover Boy!
How did I do today? I didn't embarrass you at work, did I? I would have left earlier but I didn't want you to think I was being rude by not telling you goodbye. I'm glad the signs turned out okay. I did a little web surfing to try to find and official Liz Clairborn logo, but there weren't any websites that had one.
I like the tie chain****. It looks very nice on you. Everything looks nice on you, but I like your clothes best when they are on the floor. When you're all naked I stand there and say, "Nice work, God!" I wrote you a real long letter this morning, so I won't make this one too long. I just want to tell you again that I love you. I don't want you to ever forget it or stop believing it.
I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams. I love you!!! Ben
**** David had had a tie chain but it had broken or become lost (I can't remember which). I saw one at the store and bought it for him. I gave it to him the day we had to remain celibate.
HELLO HONEY!
YES, YOU BEHAVED VERY WELL, THANK YOU I CAN'T WRITE ALOT NOW BECAUSE (MY WIFE) IS COMING UPSTAIRS , JUST A NOTE TO SAY I AM FLATTERED BY YOUR WORDS . I LOVE YOU .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY LOVE FOREVER,
More sappy email messages and phone calls. We were IN LOVE, dammit, and it just poured out of us. David mentioned that he would be at the mall after work on Saturday and asked me to meet him there, just so we could be together for a few minutes. This I actually did, or tried to do, on two separate occasions, but I never saw him there either time.
Good Morning Love,
I wish I were waking next to you. I would snuggle up against your sleeping body (What do you wear to bed?) and feel your warmth, inhale your scent and kiss your neck, gently, as not to wake you. I would watch you sleeping peacefully, resting after a memorable night of making beautiful love together. I would be filled with so much love for you that tears of joy would overflow from my eyes and slide down my face and onto the pillow. The soft morning light would play over your face, your features that I know so well. You would awaken and smile and gather me into your arms, and we would hold each other in our love. I'd touch your face, run my fingers through your hair and know that I have everything that I need in you.
You are teaching me how to love, to open myself to you fully and trust you not to hurt me. I am learning how to be a better person, how to bring so much more than sex to a relationship with a man. Sex, JUST sex is easy. It's automatic. I can do sex in my sleep. Romance and tenderness and love are different. They are progressive and growing things that need to be nurtured and tended, carefully and continuously.
Have a wonderful day, my love. Know that where ever you go or whatever you do, my heart goes with you. I know you'll take good care of it. I love you so...
Hello My Love,
I miss you. I did actually hang out at Dilllards yesterday. I guess they thought I was going to steal something because they kept asking me if I needed help with anything. I finally told them I was waiting for my male lover, and they left me alone, but kept watching to see who would show up.
They probably didn't believe me.
Ah well, it's better this way, maybe. I don't want you to get "burned out" on seeing me too much. I want you to look forward to seeing me as much as I look forward to seeing you. Tomorrow can't get here quick enough. I get hard just thinking about you, and that happens a lot! I'm not touching it 'cause it belongs to YOU.
Oh, by the way, I have training on Wednesday afternoon until 12:30 or 1. So, if you still want me to come over on Wednesday, it will be a little later, okay? I long to feel your touch, to see your smile, to hear your voice, to smell and taste you, to join our bodies and hearts again and again. Have a wonderful day, Mr. Right, and remember that I love you!
Ben
Monday came and we could be together again. We spent another afternoon in David's bed making love, and talking and kissing. Right when I was ready to go, David pulled me onto the bed and began licking and sucking on my cock. He was pretty relentless, but I hadn't cum and he was determined that I wouldn't leave that way. I lay back and let him have his way and it wasn't long before he brought me to an explosive orgasm. There was semen all over both of us and David said, with a self-satisfied smile, "MY work here is done." We laughed and took a long hot sensuous shower, then I left for school.
Good Morning Sweetness! I LOVE YOU!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get a message out to you during class last night. I had two tests and My professor didn't stop talking until 10:00. He did teach using the computer projector with the lights out so I did get me a little nap. I hope I didn't snore very loudly. :)
How can I ever tell you how very much I love you? When I am with you I have absolutely everything I need and want all rolled up in one magnificent package. I am so glad I found you. You are what has been missing from my life to complete my happiness. I am so sore today. I guess that's to be expected. One doesn't make love for so long and so, what word should I use, "vigorously' as we did and not feel some after effects. Every ache and every pain reminds me of just what we were doing to cause them. I think of you and look at your picture and smile and anticipate the next time we get together. If I keep up this pace, you will be making love with a very old man indeed. I need to invest in some high potency vitamins, and if you keep doing to me what you did after we went back upstairs, I'm going to have to learn to eat oysters. They're nasty and slimy, but they're supposed to help you "restock".
There is noone that I would rather be with, for any reason than you. Your loving and sweetly generous nature is so comfortable to me. Touching and kissing you is like sunshine to a plant for me. I thrive in your love. Do you suppose there will ever come a time that my body won't instantly respond to your kiss? I hope not. I want you to always be certain of my feelings for you.
I know you are not looking forward to confrontation at work today, I hope you know that I care and will always be there to at least listen when you need to talk. I can't begin to understand all of what is going on, but I can be there for you when you need to talk. I hope your day is wonderful in spite of the possible problems at work. Don't ever let this one thing leave your thoughts. I love you.
By the way, thank you for the sunglasses. I wore them to school, even though it was almost dark when I got there (late as usual). Thank you especially for the picture, it's very good. It show's how really hot you are. We didn't talk any more about me photographing you, did we? Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Please don't torture me by not calling me. I couldn't keep myself from seeing you if I wanted to. It's like a moth to a flame. I am drawn, compelled to be with you. I need you.
Have a good day, Baby, and know that I love you. Ben
HELLO MY DARLING,
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU ! I HOPE I WASN'T OVER STEPPING MY BOUNDARIES YESTERDAY WHEN I MADE YOU DO WHAT YOU DID ALL OVER YOURSELF, IF SO I AM SORRY!! I REALLY ENJOYED YESTERDAY IT WAS FUN, ESPECIALLY WATCHING YOU GO TWICE (all that stuff). I DO LOVE YOU I HOPE YOU BELIEVE THAT . I HOPE I DIDN'T HURT YOUR FEELINGS TODAY WHEN YOU CALLED AND I COULDN'T TALK BUT THE PLACE WAS REAL BUSY , IF SO I'M SORRY .
I TALKED TO MARTHA & KELLY ABOUT MY APPRENTICESHIP, THEY SAID I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO START FOR ABOUT EIGHT WEEKS .
HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE YOU ? I AM SITTING HERE LISTENING TO MY CD THAT HAS OUR SONG***** ON IT , AND THINKING DEEP THOUGHTS OF YOU, AND FEELING VERY LOVED BY YOU . I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANY ONE SO MUCH TIL NOW . I THINK I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE ONE TO GIVE MY HEART TO . I KNOW THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE I JUST DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE WAS THIS SWEET . I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS RIGHT ACCORDING TO MY HEART . HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO FIND THE WORDS BUT THEY DON'T COME OUT RIGHT??? HERE THEY ARE !!! I LOVE YOU.
*****David played a song by Brandy called "Have you ever?" He said it summed up his feelings for me.
Good Morning My Lover,
That seems so inadequate. Many people have what they call "lovers" who are nothing more than sexual partners. In our case "my lover" means literally the one who loves me. When I consider all that is included in that description, I guess it isn't inadequate at all. It's just right. You do love me, and you know what? I LOVE YOU!!
You didn't overstep your boundaries the other day. You have no boundaries with me. I know that you wanted me to be "satisfied", sexually. I am always satisfied with you, whether or not I achieve orgasm. It was wonderful. I almost never do that with somebody using their mouth on me, but it was so different with you. Not only have you learned exactly where and what feels good for me, but I am so overwhelmed with love for you when we make love, that I guess I just had to have a release somewhere. You are learning to play my body like a finely tuned instrument and I love to feel your hands (and other body parts!) stimulating me and making beautiful music together.
Don't worry about the phone call yesterday. I knew you were busy. I just wanted to be sure you were okay. You were visibly upset on Monday about the whole situation, and I was concerned. Although I have nothing to do with what goes on at work, I hate to see you unhappy or upset. You're my sweetie and I want you to be happy all of the time. I guess that's asking a lot of you, isn't it?
There is a line in our song that asks, "Did you ever love someone so much that you wanted to cry?" (Please forgive me if I butchered the lyrics). I'd have to answer that with a loud resounding YES! Sometimes I am so filled with love for you that I do cry happy tears. I love you so much I just can't hold it all in sometimes. When I'm not with you, and can't tell you or show you how much I love you, I still feel it and I need an outlet. Thus the tears.
I want to be with you always, but that might not be such a good thing. Then you would see some of those things about me that might annoy you, or that you don't like. I'd like to keep all of that unexposed to you for right now. Not that I don't want to be honest with you. That's SO IMPORTANT to me. I haven't lied to you yet, and I will try very hard not to.
I will be holding you soon, and showing you in every way I can how very much you mean to me. I can hardly wait. I need to with you so badly. I really do love you,
Ben