This is a true story and it is very close to my heart. It tells about the one guy that I would use the term "lover" to describe. I am opening my soul, here and I know that that can be dangerous. As always, your coments are welcome.
ben_sc@hotmail.com
David Chapter 2
It was getting late and I had to get back to work. I reluctantly let go of David long enough to get dressed. We made a date for lunch on Friday. I would meet him at work and we would have and hour or so together. We kissed several more times before I left and reluctantly, went out of his door. I drove the short distance back to work and when I got there, I had a voicemail message from David that said he missed me already. I called him back and we talked for a while until it was time for me to leave for my college class. During a break between classes, I sent him this email message:
Hello David, I am in between classes and was thinking about you and the afternoon that we shared. Actually I have thought of little else since I left you. I wanted you to now that I think you are a very special person and I cannot wait to be with you again. I can't write much now but I will talk to you in the morning, okay? I have attached a self-portrait that I did in pencil for my drawing class in college. I still had a full beard when I drew it. I'd love to have a picture of you if you have one available. I could get it when I see you on Friday. Still thinking of you, Ben
We talked again on Thursday, and on Friday, the weather was unseasonably warm, even for Charleston. I packed a small picnic lunch, bought a bouquet of flowers and went to pick David up at work. We went to a small, almost deserted park and sat on a bench, ate our lunch and talked a great deal.
I had written him a long letter that basically outlined my history, sexual and otherwise. I told him, in great detail, about many aspects of my life. I wanted to be open and honest with him because I really felt that this was somebody I wanted to be with, to get to know.
I also voiced my concern about his feelings about being married and having sex with a man. Also, I knew he was a Christian (as am I) and I wanted to be sure he was doing something he wanted to do and could live with. He assured me that none of these things were a problem for him.
We didn't have a lot of time to spend together that day, so I took him back to work. I parked behind the building and looked around carefully. I wanted to kiss him good-bye but didn't want to publicly embarrass either of us. There was nobody around, so I kissed him quickly and told him good-bye. I drove back to work with a light heart and a smile on my face.
Hello David,
I just deleted all of my ads. Furthermore, I deleted all of my messages from other guys. The significance of all of this is that I will see only one man, and that's you. You have my promise on that. I also promise to be retested for STD's as soon as I can, and to be retested in 6 months. After that, we can dispense with the use of condoms if that's what you want to do. I will be safe for you after all of that. You're safe for me right now so if you were so inclined, and I was too (which I am thinking about) You could actually put your semen inside of me. I haven't done that before, but I would rather like to taste yours at least one time. Do you think you are up to discussing it sometime before Wednesday?
Thanks for being so cool and concerned after you read the letter today. It took a great deal of inner strength to write it, but I knew I couldn't say all of that in spoken words. If you have things to share with me, and you find it difficult to tell me, please just write it down. Send me a message, whatever. I want to know what you are feeling.
I entrusted you with a good deal of personal information today. I know that I placed it in good hands. I want to be honest with you and there are many things that effect you in all of this, so I think you have a right to know and to have your questions answered, okay?
This is really new ground for me, so if I am getting too heavy here, just tell me to lighten up a bit.
I gotta go now. Talk to ya next week!
Ben
Monday morning David called me and told me that he would be getting off early and wanted me to come to his place before I went to class and before his wife was due to come home. Of course, I was not going to refuse. I had done little but think of him all weekend and wanted to be with him the whole time. I was there when he got home and we went inside. We were instantly kissing in each other's arms. I wasn't sure how much time we would have together, so I figured we would just sit and kiss and hold each other, maybe talk. David had other plans, and took my hand and led me upstairs to his bedroom.
We lay in each other's arms. We couldn't seem to get enough of on another. David moved down and began opening my pants. He pulled them and my underwear down to my ankles, grasped my hard cock and began making oral love to it. I had my hands in his hair, on his ears, on his shoulders. His mouth was exciting me and I wanted to return the favor. I pulled him up and unfastened his pants and pulled them off, along with his "thong of the day".
We moved naturally into a 69 position and concentrated our efforts on bringing each other pleasure. We did not make anal love that day but we embraced, held our bodies together, kissed and caressed, tickled and laughed.
I rolled him on top of me and my head was hanging off the bed. David was kissing my neck and chest while I was looking at the world upside down. I said, "This is scary", David asked me why. I lifted my head, looked him straight in those beautiful eyes and said, "Because I love you."
I was so afraid that I would see shock or panic in his face. I thought I had blown it, that he was going to push me away, or worse say that he loved me too, with what he thought was sincerity, but wasn't. None of this happened. His entire face lit up like he had waited to hear those words all his life. There was joy in his smile, tears in his eyes and he lay his head on my chest and just held me.
I have never felt closer to a human being in my entire life. I loved this man completely. I never wanted to let him go, but it was getting late and I told him I needed to go. Once again, tears in his eyes and a sad face that tore at my heart. Every time we broke away and I tried to leave, either he or I would come back for one more kiss, then another, and another. I was so hard for me to leave, but I was already late for school and his wife was due at any minute. I wrote him another mail from school:
Hey David,
I didn't expect to do anything tonight, but I just couldn't stop myself. The effect you have on me is magnetic I was so afraid that I would stay too long and your wife would walk in and catch us, yet I didn't want to stop.
I'm sorry if what I told you put you on the spot. As I said, I didn't mean to, it just happened. I don't expect reciprocation. I only know what I feel, and I don't want to lie to you. I wanted to tell you many times today, but I didn't want to say it on the phone. It wouldn't have been right.
I can't write much now, but I told you I would send you a message. All you have to do to reply is hit your reply button. My message will appear in the box. You can select it and delete it or you can just start your message under it. Once you have typed whatever you want, hit send and it will tell you that the message "was instantly delivered". I hope you remember your sign in name and password. If you are still having problems, I'll help you out on Wednesday.
We don't have a lot of time tomorrow and we have more important things to do.
Good luck at court tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you while I am at the clinic. Sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow.
Love, Ben
MY DEAREST BEN,
I CAN'T BEGIN TO SAY HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS . THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT I AM JUST CRAZY ABOUT AND I LOVE THE WARM FEELING I GET WHEN I KNOW YOU'RE COMING OVER . IT'S JUST THAT EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN A NEGATIVE UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG . IT'S LIKE YOU FILLED THE GREAT GAPING VOID IN MY LIFE! I CAN'T HARDLY WAIT UNTIL WEDNSDAY YOU HAVN'T BEEN GONE NOT EVEN TWO HOURS AND I ALREADY MISS YOU .
WITH MUCH LOVE,
D.
Hello My Lover,
Thanks for reflecting back to me the deep, honest feeling that I can't hold inside for you. I have needed to love you for so long, but I didn't know who or where you were. I'm so glad that you had the courage to answer my ad. By the way, I did finally figure out how to get rid of it. I don't need it anymore. I have you.
And you have me, too. All of me. I am so happy that I can be part of what makes your life feel better for you. I want to be with you always, to share everything with you. I know that's not possible and I wish I could give you more of me than I can. You deserve only the best, and you make me want to be a better me-for you.
I do love you, and it breaks my heart that you were ever hurt, ever made to feel that you weren't good enough. You are perfect for me. You're EXACTLY what I need. I love what you do and are to me.
Talk to you soon, Love, Ben
HEY SWEETNESS ,
JUST GOT YOUR E-MAIL AND FOR YOUR INFO NO I DID NOT FORGET MY USER NAME AND PASSWORD . THANK YOU FOR THE LETTER THERE ARE SO MANY FEELINGS INSIDE I HAVE FOR YOU THAT IT IS LIKE A GREAT BIG ORGASM TRYING TO GET OUT . I HAVE WANTED SOMEONE LIKE YOURSELF TO COME ALONG AND LOVE LIKE YOU DO , AND I KNOW YOU DO I CAN FEEL WHEN I AM WITH YOU, I HEAR IN YOUR VOICE , AND FEEL IT IN YOUR TOUCH . SEE YOU WEDNSDAY .
LOVE ,
DAVID
Early Tuesday morning I went to the county health department for routine STD testing. I was shocked to find out the I had gonorrhea. I was always so careful. I had no symptoms. How could this be? I was terribly upset and worried, I knew that David could not have infected me. There simply wasn't enough time or activity for him to have done so. I didn't know who it could have been.
I was completely mortified. I was so afraid that I might have infected David, somehow, and that he, in turn, had infected his wife. I had to tell him, but how? He had invited me to lunch that day and I decided to tell him then. I also had to get little blue card for everybody else that I had sex with over the past few months. I was quite a stack of cards. That's what I get for being a slut.
I swallowed my mega-dose of antibiotics, and left, terrified about the results of my HIV test, which would not be available for about 10 days. I got to work on time and could not concentrate on anything but "what if's". What if I gave it to David? What if he gave it to Lisa? What if he hates me now and doesn't ever want to see me again? I love him and don't want to lose him. How did this happen, I really WAS very careful. I STILL don't know how I got it.
I picked up David at work and we went to eat at Applebee's. We got to our booth and ordered or meals. There was a guy across from us, and slightly behind David who was watching every move he made. That's not so unusual, David is a very good looking guy. I guess I had a worried expression on my face because he asked me what was wrong.
I just did what I always do and told him the truth. The whole ugly, embarrassing thing. I was so ashamed and was looking down at the table, afraid to see the disgust that I was sure to find in David's expression.
David reached over and took my hands in his and said, "Hey, look at me." I looked up and he was staring intently into my eyes. Sincerity, and not revulsion was on his face. "It's okay. It happens. I still love you."
I tried so hard to keep the tears from falling down my cheeks. He hadn't told me that he loved me before, and now, especially after all of this, it was wonderful to hear. The guy behind him had his brows up and his eyes wide open. I could tell he was jealous and I was glad. David insisted upon paying for our lunch and I was so filled with relief and love that I didn't argue.
I was supposed to go to David's place the next day, but I wasn't allowed to ejaculate for 5 more days because the antibiotic caused irritation of my urethra, also I was still infectious for 3 days. David wanted me to come over and be with him anyway. Maybe he didn't want me to feel insecure about his possibly rejecting me. Anyway, I agreed to come.
Hey Babe,
Can I call you that? You were so wonderful and understanding today. I was so afraid that you would get mad and never want to see me again. I was terrified of losing you. I've been looking for you for so long and I just finally found you-or you found me. I would have understood, but it would have hurt me a lot.
I don't mean to dwell on this, but I want you to be tested as soon as you can. If I did infect you, then we need to get you some antibiotics now so it will go away, and we won't have to wait an additional week. If you want to, I could take you tomorrow. Please let me know. Oh, did I mention the walk in clinic in the North Area charges $7.00, as does the one downtown. Let me apologize one last time and then I'll shut up about it as long as you get yourself tested, okay?
You have shown me once again what a great guy you are. Your depth of character never ceases to amaze me. I love you more than ever. I want you more than ever, too. I know we can't do a lot tomorrow, but we can still kiss and touch can't we? I don't think I can be alone with you and keep my hands to myself. I want to hold you. I was so proud to be with you today. That guy at Applebee's kept looking at you and you were there with ME! The fact that you want to be with me is very exciting to me. It makes me feel better about myself that somebody like you wants me.
Sorry that I messed up the goatee on you**. I PROMISE I'll let it go natural for you, okay? Could I ask you a very personal question? You don't have to answer it, but I am curious. What is your relationship like with your wife, sexually speaking? I told you that I am no longer attracted to my wife, for a number of reasons, and that we don't have sex-MY choice, but I wonder about you. Again you can just ignore the question if you don't want to answer it. It's really none of my business, anyway.
Thanks again for lunch, there's nobody else I'd rather be with. Thanks also for being who you are, and hanging in there with me. It means more to me than you'll ever know.
Until tomorrow, Love, Ben
** My goatee had started turning a bit gray and I colored it. David asked me why and told me he liked it with the gray in it.
I spent a sleepless night and got up very early to send David another email:
Hey Babe,
I thought I would be over this if I got a good night's sleep, but it's worse than ever. It's like I ache to hold you. This morning will take forever and it's taking every bit of strength I have to keep from calling you too early. I don't know what time your wife leaves so I won't call for awhile. I have told everybody that I will be out of the office most of the day because I have to do some work on the Weapons Station. I do have to do some stuff over there but I can spend most of my day with you.
Until I can call you and be with you, I wanted to share this fantasy with you. We are alone, no jobs, no wives, no pressures, no schedules. Just you and me with all the time in the world for each other. We are lying on the floor in front of a brightly glowing fireplace, on a big fluffy quilt. The room has a slight chill but the fire and the warmth of our entwined, naked bodies makes us cozy. We kiss deeply, touching and caressing each other with our lips, hands and eyes. We pause in our love making, occasionally, to sip champagne and to feed each other with fresh fruit that has been dipped in melted chocolate from a chafing dish. We eat, kiss, touch.
I roll you onto your back and kiss your mouth lovingly. I continue kissing down your neck and chest, my hands are exploring, finding their way to your most sensitive places. I continue my kissing finding your nipples sucking and gently nibbling each as I work my way down.
I kiss your navel and touch it with my tongue. I love the way you feel, smell, taste. You sigh and it melts my heart. I love you. I kiss my way downward, alternating my way from one side to the other. I kiss and lick down your thighs, moving closer and closer to the insides.
You open yourself to me fully, and I place my mouth on your scrotum, savoring the smooth hairless skin. I gently suck one ball then the other, then both into my mouth and roll them lovingly around in the warmth of my mouth.
I let them slip from my mouth and kiss my way up the underside of your erect penis. Using my tongue, I lick the entire length from the base to the tip. I love your penis. Its size and shape and slight upward curve fit my mouth perfectly (especially when we are in the "69" position!).
I take the head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the smooth skin, tasting your pre-cum, inhaling the clean masculine smell that is uniquely David. I slowly slide my mouth down the shaft using my tongue to caress the underside. I silently thank you for eating so much bologna as a boy. (Sorry couldn't resist!) ***
I begin a slow in and out rhythm alternately feeling the head in my throat and then at my lips. I can feel your orgasm building- no, not yet. I place my hands under your legs and lift them up. My lips, once again find your scrotum. I kiss and lick downward until I find your pucker, clean and dark and warm. I touch it with the tip of my tongue. You inhale sharply and that's all the encouragement I need. I kiss and lick and suck using my saliva as a natural lubricant. I gently probe with one wet fingertip, applying slight pressure, your pucker yields and opens to admit the whole finger inside. With slow in and out motions I massage the walls of your rectum and your prostate.
I can feel you relaxing and loosening up. I am so hard for you that it hurts. I know you are ready for me. I place the head of my penis against your pucker and slowly, gently enter you, watching your facial expressions and body language, I know when to pause and when to proceed, until I am completely inside you. You are so hot that it feels like I am encased in a hot, moist oven, and so tight.
I look deeply into your eyes and bend to kiss you before starting slow, long strokes in and out. The joy on your face and the low moans of pleasure encourage me and excite me.
I reach down and stroke you in rhythm with my thrusts, which gain in intensity and speed as we approach our mutual climax. I slowly withdraw my softening penis and lay safe and warm in your arms. We kiss, maybe a bit less passionately, spent from our lovemaking. We drift off to sleep, our bodies providing each other warmth. I feel your heartbeat and I know that this is exactly where I belong.
Well, what do you think? We can actually do a lot today with out actually "having sex". What they told me was that the antibiotics would irritate my urethra. I would love to bring you to orgasm with my hands. We'll talk about it when I get there.
Later, Ben
***David told me that his grandfather used to tease him as a boy by telling him if he ate a lot bologna, it would make his "pecker" grow big.