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When I opened my eyes, I didn't know where I was. What I saw was kind of surreal as everything I could see was white. I was laying in a white bed, with white sheets, in a white room and lighted with bright white light. I heard a door open and close and a few seconds later I saw Jeremy. He had a concerned look on his face but smiled when he saw my eyes were open.
-Welcome back Al, he said, you had us all very concerned!
It seemed to be I was in hospital. I tried to remember what had happened and my last memory was the harrowing pain in my chest and everything going black. Jeremy noted the confused and quizzical look on my face.
-Let me tell you what happened. When you finished your dance with Rachel and there was a standing ovation that you really earned, you went through your knees and fell down on the floor. I immediately knew there was something wrong and jumped to get close to you, screaming I am a Doctor. I first put my ear to your chest and heard a very irregular heartbeat. I called around me for someone to call an ambulance. It was all very chaotic! As soon as you were in ER they did all they could to wake you up but there was no way... you stayed unconscious. About a hundred tests were performed, but I'll let the cardiologist tell you in detail. You've been out of this world for almost 48 hours. I have send your Mum home, she'll be back this afternoon. I have to admit I kissed you several times, hoping to wake you up like Sleeping Beauty.
It was so cute to see him get red in the face. It made me smile and even more when he took my hand in his.
-I wouldn't mind you to kiss me again now that I am awake, I said.
Jeremy didn't hesitate a split second and I felt the warmth of his lips brush mine. Even if it was soft and definitely romantic, my heartbeat accelerated and it could be heard by the monitor I was connected to. It took the nurses only a few seconds to barge into the room. I was not in Intensive Care, but I was connected to the nurse's station.The nurse immediately went to work to check my vitals and urging me to keep calm as much as possible. She would call the cardiologist she said. When she left the room, Jeremy looked sheepishly at me.
-I'm sorry, he said, I shouldn't have done that in your condition.
-What condition? Please, Jeremy, tell me what happened to me.
-Al... I am just a family doctor and can't explain in detail what the results of all the tests are. You will have to wait for the cardiologist to come. All I know is that you have a severe heart condition.
-I felt indeed a very strong pain in my chest just before I fainted. I had no idea what was going on.
The cardiologist came in and I asked him if Jeremy could stay as he was a doctor as well. There was no problem for that. The cardiologist had a very concerned look on his face when he started to speak.
-Mr de Beretta, the results of all the tests are not really good for you. Did you ever have heart problems before?
I denied.
-I really don't know how you managed so far. You have a serious deformation of your heart, up to the point that I already had to put you on the list for a heart transplant. It is a miracle you haven't had previous problems. The scans, MRI and ultrasounds show us a real malfunction of your heart and if we don't find a donor quickly, I can't give you any guarantee at all. That malfunction makes your heartbeat really irregular and is really life threatening. We have to keep you here, monitoring you 24/7. We contacted all hospitals to find a compatible donor. Let's cross fingers we receive an answer quickly.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I went from winning a dance contest to being on the list for a transplant! It was beyond any comprehension. I had never had any heart problem before. How was it that from one moment to the next, I was about to get a very serious surgery? My heartbeat went faster again ... I was stressing. What about the business? I needed urgently a meeting with Mark and Filip. I didn't think they would allow me to have a laptop with internet connection so I could check my e-mails and postpone the projects I was working on. I needed a meeting with Jeff as to have him finish Jeremy's house. I needed a meeting with my Mum to arrange the details of the decoration of that same house. This fiorced stay at the hospital was coming very inconveniently!
I looked at Jeremy. There were so many questions pending of answers, not only medically, but also personally. What was it with the kisses we had shared? Would he still wanted to go on with these upcoming events? And anyway, what could I expect of him? He seemed to be eager to kiss... He seemed to have spent quite some time here while I was out. The time he spent here at the hospital, wasn't it time he was supposed to spend with his wife? I was about to ask some serious questions to Jeremy, but we were constantly interrupted by nurses who came in and out, checking on me a thousand times per hour. Jeremy told me they did about a hundred tests while I was unconscious. I guessed they were going for a second series of another hundred.
The strange thing about my situation was that I didn't feel any pain at all. I even wondered why I had to stay in bed and not allowed to do anything. Except for fainting at the end of my dance, I felt perfectly all right. I just wanted to get up, put on jeans and T-shirt and go for a walk. With what the cardiologist had told me, I knew it was totally out of the question. I asked Jeremy and he told me it was possible for me to feel all right, but that at the same time I was a time bomb. Any effort, how slight it was, could provoke a new problem with the same harrowing pain I had felt at the contest. It was absolutely imperative that I stayed still as much as possible. He even said that if there were no nurses coming in and out of the room, he would have other ideas about what he would do to me.
-Wow Jeremy! Hold back your horses for a minute, will you? I have a few questions for you, because I don't want to get hurt or heartbroken here. You are married, aren't you? You signed your first e-mail with "Jeremy AND Claire Benson" didn't you? But a few days later, at my office, you kissed me so passionately... Do you have any explanation for it?
-I guess I owe you an explanation, he said. I want you to promise me that what I am about to tell you, stays strictly between us.
-It will all depend on what you are going to tell me and the answers you will give me to quite a few questions I have for you Jeremy. I can promise you I won't call the newspapers or any magazine to write about what you are going to tell me, but if you want us to have any future together, there will be a few people who will know about it. If you can't handle that, please, don't say a word.
-Ok... that seems fair... I will take the risk because I...
He didn't finish his sentence. He had a very tormented look on his face. I could only guess his life had not been an easy one and he was about to tell me a part of it. I noted that when I said: "having a future together" he had not reacted negatively. That gave me hope.
-What I can tell you about my marriage is that it is not really a conventional one. Claire and I married because we both had so much pressure from our families. Claire is a nurse and that's how I got to know her. From the first moment, we clicked. It was friendship at first sight. From our first conversation on, we were inseparable and if you saw her, I was not far away and vice versa. My family had some old-fashioned ideas and as soon as I graduated, they started to insist it was time for me to find a decent woman and marry her. That was the moment when I made the biggest mistake. I told my parents I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry a woman, because I was not certain about my sexual orientation. I had had that conversation with Claire more than once and she was very supportive about it, but my parents were not that open-minded... at all! The pressure to get married and forget about that stupid phase as they called it, was getting stronger and stronger and even included some serious threats. Claire and I had some endless nights talking about it all as she received a similar treatment at her house. We were both seriously disappointed with the whole situation and our parents. At one point my father tried a new tactic, offering me a bright future and a substantial amount of money and other advantages. When I told Claire about it, she had a reaction I was not counting on. She said that if our parents were so narrow-minded, we should get the most out of it and told me WE should marry and get what we wanted: the end of continuous discussions about it and finally have some peace. We gave it all a thorough thought and in a certain way I had to agree with her. We agreed that for the families, we would be the perfect couple. In our private life we would do whatever we wanted. We announced to both families our intention to marry. That news was welcomed as you can imagine. It was only my father's twisted mind that brought a black cloud over what we thought was a splendid idea. The money and other advantages were to be given to us when Claire would be pregnant! I had no idea he was so wicked, but Claire didn't see it that way. In fact, she didn't mind at all to have a child and was even ready to raise it on her own if necessary. So... we got married and you don't know my parents, but it was a huge event. Even the honeymoon was absolutely tops. It took us about three months before Claire told me she was pregnant. To be sure we would be believed, we had a gynecologist write a certificate about her pregnancy and showed it to my father. For once, he was true to his word and the very next day I had a REALLY substantial sum of money in my bank account.
I knew from what my mother had told me what happened next. I didn't want Jeremy to go through the memories once again so I told him what my mother had received as information. He could only nod and confirm the truthfulness of what happened afterwards.
-Yes, indeed! The miscarriage was really hard on Claire, not only for the huge amount of blood loss, but also because she had set her mind to it to have a baby. She really wanted to be a mother. As soon as all the medical burdens were over, we made the necessary calculations as to know when it would be best to try again to have her pregnant, but we didn't succeed. It was after some months that we went to see the gynecologist to ask why it was that we couldn't get her to expect another baby. To make a long story short, the blood tests gave us an answer that we didn't expect. It was not that HIV was avoiding her to get pregnant, but she didn't want to anymore. She didn't want to take the risk to have a sick baby. She religiously took the medicine that was prescribed, but with the regular blood tests, the doctors saw they had no effect on her. There is no reason for it, but it is like that. Claire started to be very tired all the time and losing weight as well. The deterioration was so visible and it was heartbreaking. She has always been a very strong and active woman, and now she has difficulty to even move with the wheelchair.
Jeremy made a little pause. It seemed he had a very hard and difficult time to tell me his wife's story and I could understand it very well. I didn't know if I would have been able to see the decline of a loved one. I had to find a way to change the subject subtly.
-How did you decide to build the house?
-We live in a duplex apartment. It is her parent's property and they graciously let us use it till we find a place of our own. We refer to it as the "house" because it is big, but as mentioned before, it is not practical anymore. With my father's generous offer to keep me away from any gay path, we can afford the house you designed. It is Claire's idea as I talked about you after the fundraising your mother organized. Claire and I love each other very much, but it is a brother/sister relationship we have. Yes, we had sex several times, but it was for one purpose only. Even before our marriage, I realized which was my sexual orientation and I am definitely gay. When your mother made her speech at the fundraising event, I knew you were, too. Our handshake that night, with the electric spark, and the intense look we exchanged, made me want to know you a lot better. It was Claire who suggested to contact you. After each meeting we had, she said I had a special spark in my eyes and that spark is present as well when I talk about you. When she saw you at the dance contest, she even said she could very well understand why I was falling for you and even insisted that you were a "keeper". As soon as you are released, I want you to come to our place and meet her. That is, of course, if you agree to. I am sure you will both be best friends. As to what "us" is concerned, I really want to know you more and more and I want to make the journey to knowing each other. I am sure it will be a very interesting journey.
Jeremy was looking at the floor as if he was afraid to look me in the eyes, as if he was afraid of a rejection from my part. I was not going to reject him, not in a million years. I wanted to join him on that journey as I was falling for him almost since day one. We were holding hands the whole time Jeremy was telling me his story and answering my questions. I had the feeling we knew each other our whole life, that we were close friends, but was realistic enough to know we still had a long journey to discover the other. I put my finger under Jeremy's chin and lifted his head so that he would look at me.
-Jeremy, I know we have a strong connection and I am more than willing to explore everything we have in common or that is compatible. Are you ready to face an uncertain future with me? I mean... you already have your sick wife to take care of and it seems I am not in much better shape.
-Al, I guess it is my Destiny to help people. Don't forget I am a physician and I am here to help the most important people in my life first. I just want you to be patient as your possibilities to find a donor will take time, with your blood type and other things that will be needed to have your heart transplant. It can take weeks and even months to find the perfect donor. Meanwhile, I want you, as a doctor, to keep as calm as possible. I had a long professional conversation with your cardiologist and know exactly what I am facing with you. The chances you will be able to live a perfect normal life after your surgery, is very high, but we have to pray all Gods and Saints they find the donor...
He had not finished what he wanted to say, when the cardiologist and nurses barged into the room with a certain urgency. I was about to ask what was going on when the surgeon told me that there was only a chance in a million to find the perfect donor, but that my new heart was on its way! The first thing they did was to give me an injection to calm me down to the point I was almost asleep. In front of everybody, Jeremy kissed me softly and then smiled at me.
-I'll see you when you wake up.
They wheeled my bed through the corridors of the hospital towards the surgery room. I wasn't really aware of anything except for a mask that was put to my face and everything went dark.
When I opened my eyes again, it took me some time to realize where I was. The sedation must have been quite heavy as I didn't feel anything at all. A nurse was standing next to my bed and said the doctor was on his way. I couldn't manage to speak. I realized I was in ICU and I heard the regular beep of a monitor next to my ear. My mouth was so dry and I was thirsty. I felt a hand taking mine and when I looked to my right side, Jeremy was standing there. True to his word, he was there when I woke up. Even with the mask he had over his mouth, I recognized his eyes.
-Everything went all right Al, you don't have to worry about anything. You'll be on your feet before you even know it. Your Mum is outside but is not allowed to come in yet. I'll go and tell her you are awake and well.
With the sedation I received, I was not really awake. I could just open my eyes for a few seconds before falling back to sleep. Stupidly I wondered what time it was, as if that had any importance at all. I had absolutely no notion of time. I knew I wanted to see Jeremy and my Mum, but in ICU the visiting times were really reduced to a minimum and even then, nobody was allowed to stay longer than a few minutes. I was lucky Jeremy was a doctor and so could come in to see me a little more, although he didn't take any advantage of this.
I guessed they pumped quite some painkillers in my system as I didn't feel any real pain. It was more a kind of nuisance I felt. Apart from that I felt ok. I was constantly listening to the beep of the monitor as if I was expecting it to stop at any moment. Yes, I was concerned about that new heart that was beating in my chest. There were no windows in ICU and the light was on day and night. It was very difficult for me to realize how long I was laying there, but, of course, I slept most of the time. Very slowly I recovered the use of my speech and could ask the nurses about things. I have a real admiration for these people. I was monitored constantly, but it was the human approach of the nurses that made me feel better. I was wondering if my feelings would be the same with another heart in my chest. Stupid, isn't it? I was still me and there was no reason for me to have different feelings. I was so happy to see my Mum, even if it was only five minutes a day. Jeremy's visits were a little more frequent and I felt so good when he took my hand each time. From time to time he kissed my lips softly and it made me feel so happy as well.
When I was finally released from ICU and wheeled to a normal room, it indicated me things were all right. I could finally receive the visits from other people as well. My father was of course one of the first to visit me, but also Rachel and Mrs Anderson. Mark and Filip were also regular visitors and I was very happy to see Jeff who kept me updated with the construction of Jeremy's house. But the visit I was looking forward to, were the daily visits of my cardiologist. It was so good to hear him say my heart had a strong beat and that he was confident I would have a quick recovery. I mentioned him that I had sometimes weird dreams or better said some flashing images, that had no sense at all. He said it was probably a kind of side effect of the anesthesia of the surgery. It was not really determined what effects these chemicals had on the human body. Some people had no side effects at all, others had reactions no one expected, such as a sort of aggressiveness or serious changes of moods. I was not to stress about it as he pretended the possible side effects of anesthesia could take quite some time to leave the body completely.
The visit I was MOST looking forward to, was of course Jeremy. I had another heart, as an organ, in my chest, but me feelings towards Jeremy didn't change. No... that was not completely true. My feelings changed: they got stronger and more important. I would even say more intense. I was also feeling guilty to take so much time of Jeremy. He had his patients and above all, his wife who depended on him. I couldn't help it: it was too hard to send him away to look after other people. I was not jealous or possessive, it was just that his presence made me feel good. I wanted more than just the little and soft kisses he was giving me. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I fondly remembered that passionate first kiss we ever shared and that had put me on fire. Just thinking about it made me have a hard-on. When we were alone, Jeremy often sat on my bed, very close to me, leaving his hand on my arm or on my belly. He avoided to put it on my chest for obvious reasons, but I wanted to feel his hand close to my heart. I was longing for these moments where we talked about any and everything, except sex. I knew he had erections as much as I did, but we couldn't allow ourselves to act on it. I had never been a very sexual person. With Jeremy it was different. I wanted to express in a physical way what I felt inside.
At the next visit of the cardiologist, I had to ask him what I was allowed to do about sexual activities. He laughed heartedly.
-I have to disappoint you Al, it will take some time before you can indulge in such activities. We first have to see how your heart is reacting in different situation and which limits you will have to take in account. You have been laying down for some weeks now and the first thing we will have to do is getting you back on your feet, literally. The muscles in your legs have not been really working and we have to strengthen them first. I'll see to it to send you a physiotherapist for that. The first times, we will have to monitor your heat very closely to physical efforts. Once we are sure you will be all right, you will have to do an effort test, meaning that you will have to run on a treadmill while you will be connected to various controls. It will only be when we have satisfying results that we will be able to talk about sex again.
That was not what I wanted to hear, but I could easily understand what he was telling me. The rehabilitation after such a surgery was not something to laugh with. I had to come back to normal life without hurrying myself. I had to get used to the new heart, but the new heart had to get used to me as well. It was a mutual understanding and adaptation. The way back to "normal" life was not going to be easy or quick. The physiotherapist told me that the cardiologist wanted me to get out of hospital on my two feet. He wouldn't release me earlier. The ultimate test would be to be running on the treadmill, so I was better to follow all the instructions and strengthen the muscles in my legs. Jeremy helped me with that. The problem was that each time he touched me, my mind wandered to other places. I was not the only one as I saw Jeremy's bulge get bigger at these moments.
The flashing images got stronger and became a regular thing during the nights. No, they were no nightmares, on the contrary. They were dreams that became clearer each time. The same settings came back. It was every time a nice and peaceful landscape, with woods and a lake and a wonderful blue sky and bright sunshine. When I had these dreams, I was always relaxed and felt great at the moment I woke up. I couldn't recognize the place. I didn't think I had ever been there and I sure wished I had known where it was. I felt drawn to it.
The treadmill test was programmed and the only thing I had in mind was to be released from hospital. I was bored to no end. I wanted to get out and start to live a normal life again, with the addition of being closer to Jeremy, of course. The results of the tests were above expectations and I asked the cardiologist, for the second time, about having any sexual activity, crossing my fingers he would give me the green light. I was desperate to have Jeremy naked in my arms. I could only hope he wanted it as much as I did.
I received the permission of the doctor, although he advised me to be careful at the beginning. If I felt the slightest pain or anything uncomfortable, he said I should stop immediately. How could he say that? When I start, I CAN'T stop till I empty my balls, and even then, I almost always want to go on! I knew that with Jeremy it would be like that. All the time I was in hospital, he was so thoughtful and paying attention to me. He was constantly asking if I was comfortable. He was so caring that I wondered what I had done to deserve him. Soon, all the nurses, my family and friends knew who Jeremy was. He never tried to hide what I meant to him. He was kind and considered to anyone who came to visit me. When my stay was longer than what we had expected, he even came with Claire. That was a special visit.
Claire was such a nice person that I started to think it was totally unfair for her to go through all the burdens of her illness. When I was still in hospital, Jeremy came with her to visit me. I didn't know if he had arranged it that way, but as soon as I had shaken hands with her, his phone rang and he had to leave so that Claire and I were left alone. She perfectly knew that there were strong feelings between her husband and I. She even encouraged it.
-Al, she said, I know Jeremy loves you even if hasn't told you yet... maybe he doesn't even realize it yet, but I know him and I am very sure of what I tell you. What I am going to say is something that most people tell me to not even think about, but I know my days are counted and I won't see the end of the year.
I tried to tell her what most people would, but she stopped me by squeezing my hand.
-Don't! I am realistic enough to know that I am reaching the end. I don't even think I will see our house finished despite the fact you promised to respect the deadline. Don't feel guilty about it. I guess my Destiny decided for me. I also know that for the moment you can't be at his side as much as you would like to, but please, promise me that as soon as you can, you will be. Jeremy is an extraordinary person. I can assure you that you will never meet anyone like him. The love we have, is a brotherly love. The love he has for you is that kind of "movie-love" or love you find only in fiction literature, but his love is true. There is no doubt about it. He will be with you till the day he dies or till the day you want him to be there. Love him Al, you both deserve it.
I had tears in my eyes. That woman knew she had not that much time left and the only thing she was thinking about was the happiness of her friend. People say the best ones are the first to leave this world, and I couldn't agree more when listening to Claire. We talked for a very long time, discovering what was in the other one's heart. It was such a heart-warming experience. She told me a lot about how Jeremy really was, what made him going and what made him stop. I heard stories about their lives before the pregnancy and the fatal disease, but also how Jeremy had faced the bad news. She also warned me about Jeremy's father's wicked and twisted mind. I had the feeling I knew more about my lover in the few hours Claire and I had our conversation. Yes, I considered him as my lover. The only thing we had shared were a few kisses, but for me it was more than enough to convince me we would be together for a long time.
What surprised me the most was Claire's point of view on organ transplants.
-I am convinced, she said, that when you receive the organ of another person, you also receive part of that persons memory, likes and dislikes as if a part of their DNA came into you and mixed with yours. There are, of course, no scientific proves of that, but for me it seems logical. Don't be surprised you experience things you never did before. Just realize you are very fortunate to get some extra DNA.
I was flabbergasted when she explained that to me. I immediately told her about the dreams I had had since the surgery and she could only nodded as to confirm her theory. When she said she was happy with what was happening to her, I didn't understand at all. How can you be happy with a fatal disease that actually was ruining your life?
-I am not happy with the total deterioration of my body, including the limitations imposed on me and the pains I am suffering. What I am happy about is the spiritual side of all this. It opened my eyes to so many things and having a very clear look to my surroundings and the people who are in my life. It can sound very strange to you when I pretend that the HIV virus first of all destroyed a number of barriers. There are a lot of things I give importance to today and that I didn't even thought about before. I think it is the definite coming closer of my end that opens my heart to the world. You can't imagine how happy I was when I discovered Jeremy was finally and definitely in love. That's why I had to know you Al. I didn't doubt about you, not at all, but I wanted to see it all by myself. I wanted to be sure it was Love and not just lust. I am at peace now, knowing you and my heart tells me you are both meant for each other. You'll have a happy life, take my word for it.
My God! The tears were rolling down my face without restrain. I wanted to hug her, but was bedridden. That afternoon at the hospital was burned in my mind and in my heart.
When I finally got home, I saw that my mother had dropped by, probably with some help, as my apartment was as clean as you could expect it when she came by. Even the fridge was full. On the way, Jeremy had stopped at the pharmacy and I had quite a lot of medication to take. It bothered me as I am so anti-medication. I dropped the bag on the table and would sort it out later. For now, I just wanted to have Jeremy in my arms and kiss him with heart and soul. Our bodies were pressed together and our lips were sealed. I had my arms around his neck and he hold me by the waist. Our crotches were pushing against each other. That kiss was as electrifying as the first one we shared, but as this time we were alone in the intimacy of my apartment, I wanted it to go further than just a kiss. I so wanted us to be intimate and share what our hearts were telling us. I took his face in my hands and if possible, I kissed him even more passionately, pushing my tongue in his mouth as deep as I could. He responded with equal fever and lust, while he was pulling my shirt out of the waistband of my trousers and caressing my back. When his hands travelled around, reaching my chest, he gently squeezed my nipples which are so sensitive and directly connected to my sexual arousal. My cock was so hard, it almost hurt, certainly by the tight confinement in my jeans.
I broke the kiss just enough time to pull my shirt over my head and to do the same to him. For the first time our chests met skin-to-skin. Even though I still had a bandage on the scar of the surgery, it felt wonderful to feel him so close. I unbuckled his belt and undid the first button of his trousers as to be able to slip my hand inside and feel his warmth. My God! He was as hard as I was and I could feel the precum wetting my hand. It made it all slippery and so pleasant to touch. Jeremy soon mimicked what I was doing and before we even realized it, our jeans were around our ankles. Jeremy's tiny white briefs were tenting obscenely and his cock-head was showing just above the elastic waistband. I wanted to taste all of him, licking his ears, munching on his tender flesh at his neck, lick and softly bite his nipples, cleaning out his belly button and travel down to collect the gran prize: engulfing his beautiful and steel-hard cock. I dropped on my knees, opened my mouth wide and took his manhood between my lips till it reached my throat. My heart was beating furiously and I knew I had to calm down, but Jeremy excited me so much. I held him in place with my hands on his firm buttocks, letting his cock going in and out of my mouth, applying a steady suction on it, closing my lips on it as to give him the best sensations ever. It was our first time to be so intimate and I wanted him to never forget it. I encouraged his hips movements with my hands on his ass, trying to take him as deep as my throat would allow. He tasted so nice and I didn't want to miss a single drop of his abundant precum, swallowing it down after letting it rest a moment on my tongue, savoring each drop. Even though I wanted to feel him inside of me, my fingers had a mind of their own and searched for his puckered hole between his furry buttocks, teasing his opening softly but persistently.
Jeremy caressed my shoulders and head, playing with my hair, trying to penetrate my ears with his fingers and pinching my earlobes. If he went on like that, I would shoot a huge load on the floor between my knees, without even touching myself. He put his hands in my armpits and lifted me to my feet, resuming the passionate kiss we shared before. Then he pushed me softly backwards till my calves touched the sofa which made me fall in a sitting position. He pushed my legs wide open and kneeled between them and feverishly attacked my manhood with his mouth. The feeling was indescribable as the warmth of his mouth, moist with his spit, brought me to a new level of pure ecstasy. He bathed my cock and balls with his saliva, exerting hot and passionate pressure on my genitals. His hands caressed my legs and when he pushed them up, I knew where he was heading to. Despite the excitement, I tried to relax as much as possible, but feeling his tongue travel over my taint and going for my ass made me gasp for air. The skill Jeremy had with his tongue was amazing and I really didn't know if I would be able to control my orgasm. I was afraid I would cum without even touching myself. I so wanted to feel him inside of me, but I felt my balls retract in my nether region. I knew I was going to shoot my load soon although Jeremy was not in me yet. The anticipation was getting to me and just the idea he was going to be inside of me excited me more and more. When his cock-head grazed my butt hole, I got dizzy from pure happiness. With his first attempt to thrust into me, my balls exploded and the most huge orgasm took possession of my body, shooting the biggest load I had ever shot. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him completely in me. Only a few strokes later I could feel the spasms in his cock, pushing on the walls of my love tunnel. I spurted my last shoot when Jeremy shot his first. He collapsed on me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, searching avidly for his mouth so I could kiss him.
Bit by bit, our heartbeats came back to a normal speed and we could breath normal again. That didn't mean we stopped kissing and squeeze each other tight. It was all over far too quickly for me. Jeremy looked me deeply in the eyes and I saw some worry. He dropped his head to my chest and I knew immediately what he was worrying about. He was listening to my heart.
To be continued...
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