Dan and Ben at Sixty

Dan and Ben at Sixty--Chapter Seven By Ezra Randle

It had been three months since his last visit to Tucson, but after the past few weeks and the turbulence of the revelations about Jenny and Maureen, he needed some time away. His inevitable confrontation with Jenny was muted somewhat by the fact that Maureen had already informed Jenny of her conversation with Ben. It was as though Jenny was waiting for him, armed with these revelations. In the end, Dan never really accused her of anything. It was more him telling her he was surprised, shocked even, but that he was very pleased she had taken up with Maureen. After realizing Dan was not going to be judgmental, Jenny seemed quite relieved and was very open with him, informing him how she and Maureen had met years earlier at conferences for their work. They hit it off easily. Which led to them sharing hotel rooms at conventions in Chicago and Kansas City as they became more and more familiar with each other. Neither of them had revealed their secret to each other until after Jenny's experiments with her sister. Those truths came during a supper date on a Friday night. Maureen invited her back to her new house. That was the first of a series of breakthroughs. For one, Maureen was very frank about her separation from Ben and that she didn't think she was going back. She hadn't told Ben that yet. When Jenny revealed she had talked about her desires with Dan, Maureen started weeping because of Jenny's courage and her own weakness. Their physical affection took off that very night and continued each week, though both had been determined to let the desires find their own footing. Maureen had had affairs with women before, but Jenny was a quick learner, driven by her newly discovered desires and her wanting to prove to Maureen she could be a good lover.

Dan was shocked by her full range of revelations. If there ever had been a moment to share his own secrets, this should have been it. But he held back again. Later he castigated himself for his lack of nerve. He knew Alex would never understand his reluctance especially after announcing to Alex that he was convinced he was gay, not bisexual. Ben had been his only outlet for the truth. Ben was locked into the same dilemma, though his situation would likely resolve itself more quickly with his divorce proceedings from Maureen in motion. But there was no reason not to tell Jenny, especially since they had renewed their pledge to live together until that was impossible. The longer he held out, the more she would lose respect for him. But the fact that he'd been operating in secrecy for over twelve years conditioned his reluctance to be open with her.

He wasn't sure what his intentions were with his dad. The last two visits had been different than the two previous ones because Marie had been with him. His son, Jerrad, had no interest in inviting his grandfather into his life. But Marie jumped at the chance, and from the moment she entered his father's world, it was as though she'd known him for the twenty-five years of her existence. There was no subtlety about it. It was an all-out love affair, with his father proclaiming over and over what a joy it was to be grandfather. Marie wasn't available to join him on this trip and he welcomed her absence.

But now as the plane from Denver descended into Tucson International, he once again was bewildered about what to tell his father. He thought about Chester and figured he'd be his best advisor as Chester knew his father so well. Chester was waiting for him at the gate, and, after they embraced, they strode out to Chester's Toyota Prius. Chester was rambling about plans they'd made for this trip, when Dan stopped him. "Chester, I'm looking forward to seeing you again. I know we've been unable to enjoy ourselves my last few visits. But this time, I'm available."

Chester hugged him again. "Let's take it one day at a time. You know I've not seen anyone since our last time."

"Was that by choice or because of circumstances?"

"It's too much trouble to look. But I can't imagine meeting a better man for what I need. Robert is still approving. He mentioned it the other day."

"What did he say?"

"That he was glad I was visiting by myself. Not that we don't love Marie. She's amazing. When she came down by herself a month ago, we had so much fun. But he knows how much I enjoy you. And he knows I need someone like you once in a while."

"Great. Does that mean we can meet?"

"Probably."

But Dan sensed reluctance, so he backed off. "How's Dad been?"

"Getting older, but still vigorous. He's really looking forward to seeing you again. It's so good for him to have such optimism about his past. For decades some of that's been missing. And without Leslie, he was really starting to drift in terms of purpose. He's so much better now."

Chester dropped him at his father's condo where his dad was standing outside waiting for him. They embraced and started walking. The two mile loop had become a ritual for them, especially right after his arrival from the airport. "I know it's not as good as a run after your travels."

"It's the perfect way to unwind after traveling."

"Robert's making supper. So we have a few hours."

"Anything new, Dad?"

"Not much changes when you're eighty-five. Marie called yesterday and said she wants to come down by herself again on spring break. I told her to do it before we hit May and the terrible temps arrive. Everyone seems to be leaving for the five months of heat worsened by the effects of global warming."

"I've avoided the heat on your advice. I know Chester and Robert leave for a while. I'm concerned about you."

"I'm OK. There'll be lots of people worse off if the power gives out and there's no air conditioning."

"I was thinking of inviting you north, but Jenny and I are still having our difficulties. It would be awkward."

"Don't worry about me. Chester takes me along with them when they visit his daughter and his grandkids for three weeks. We are getting a new rental in Boulder with an additional bedroom."

Dan paused. He wanted to tell his dad about Jenny. And about himself. But not right away. He needed to warm up to it.

Robert grilled salmon and Chester made a salad for supper. They lingered for an hour afterward, then his dad announced he'd turn in, that he'd arisen at four. "Why so early, Dad?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Working on the show, Larry?"

"What's the show, Dad?"

"It's nothing much. Just something to fill up my days a little."

"Don't be so modest. The local radio station, WADU, plays adult music for much of the day. From eleven to one, they play the type of music we enjoy. The new owner of the station was out for dinner a few months ago. He got to talking with Larry, and before anyone knew, he invited your dad to cohost that music hour whenever he wanted."

"Who's the host?"

"Chip McGuire. The owner and host. They've done it for a month. They talk a bit about the music then play a trio of songs. Then talk some more."

"I prefer it when he plays lady singers," his dad said.

"How soon is the next show?"

"Day after tomorrow. My schedule is very dependent on when Chester is willing to drive me each week. Though sometimes Chip will bring me home."

"Sounds great, Dad. I'm really proud of you. How do you get the research done?"

"A lot of it's already stored. I just have to write a few things down as reminders. But I also have quite a few books on the subject."

Dan walked his Dad back to his condo, then added two miles to the jaunt. He let himself in through the back door. He could hear Chester and Robert in the upstairs bedroom, so he went to the basement and stretched out. He was weary from the day of travel and from thinking of how he'd reveal the truths to his father. He was almost dozing off when Chester knocked and walked in. "Hi. Do you need to sleep?"

"I was just resting. I'd like a visitor. Stretch out beside me."

Chester was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. The last time they'd been in a situation like this, Chester was not wearing underwear. But just a few hours ago, at the airport, he seemed to have concerns about meeting like this. "Is it OK for you to be down here?"

"Yes. Robert knows. He's fine. It's more a question of me."

"I'm not forcing you. Nor do I have any expectations. I would like to talk if you have that in you."

"Yes, sure."

"I need to tell Dad some things. One of them is about Jenny. She and I are living under the same roof but not as a married couple."

"What happened?"

Dan told him what happened to Jenny over the past year leading up to her revelations about her lesbian desires. "Wow, that's big. I thought you were going to tell me she discovered you enjoy men."

"That's the other half. I still haven't told her about that. I should have at that moment. But she caught me off guard and I didn't have the courage to go on with it."

Chester looked at him. "I don't care what you tell Larry about any of this. But Jenny deserves to know that truth. You're no longer experimenting. This is a way of life for you. You're more attached to Alex and Ben than you are to her."

"How did you tell your ex?"

"It was a different situation. We had been married for five years and had a one-year old. Out of the blue, at least to me, she told me she was leaving. She met someone through work. It was serious. But she needed me to help with taking care of Bobbie. So, I did. She let me stay in our townhouse and got a new place for herself. I didn't need to work. She was going to pay me for my child care. It was an easy solution. She probably knew I was gay at the time, but she didn't make me tell her until I was ready."

"Did she stay with the guy?"

"Yes. Married him. They're still together. They have a pair of kids...Bobbie's step-sibs. I didn't tell her until Robert and I were established. He was living in a nearby townhouse and we met casually. Then he helped me tremendously with Bobbie. When I told her, it was all in the context of Robert and me becoming partners. Just in case that was a problem for her. Though I was quite sure it wouldn't be. She was very enlightened about matters like that. She'd figured it out anyway, months before I told her. So, I'm not sure how applicable this is to any of your situation."

"Me either, but thanks for telling me."

Chester rubbed Dan's hand, gently without any intent to bring on arousal. "Why are you so afraid to tell her?"

"Decades of hiding it doesn't go away easily. My friend, Ben, and I have talked about this quite a bit. His wife moved out. For the same reason as Jenny."

Chester laughed. "Next you'll be telling the two wives have taken up with each other."

"They have."

"Really?"

"Yes. You couldn't make this shit up."

"And neither of you have told your wives that you are lovers as well?"

"Ben seems closer to telling her than I am."

"You know this is the twenty-first century, don't you?"

"Old habits die hard."

Chester kissed him on his cheek. "Just put on your big boy pants and tell her. And tell Marie. You don't want that news to come from Jenny. In fact, tell Marie before you tell Jenny. In the end, she'll love you for it. She's quite a young lady. We all just love her."

"You're right about it all, Chester. Thanks. Is that why you didn't want to sleep with me, because of my dishonesty?"

"You weren't being honest with yourself is more like it. If this is who you are, own it and trust it. You are such an incredible lover. You're so passionate. This is your true self. I don't think I've ever been with a man who arouses me like you do. Including Robert."

"I hope you didn't tell him that."

"Pretty much."

"What did he say?"

"He's a very secure guy in many ways. He asked me to describe our lovemaking. As I did, he was right up against me. Sometimes kissing me. Sometimes just licking me. Then he started sucking me, like he used to. He gives one helluva blow job, Dan. I talked and he sucked and plowed his oily finger up my ass. He timed it so I came just as we did in my retelling."

"Jesus. That's amazing."

"So you see why he likes you in the house."

"Touch me and see what you've done."

Chester rubbed his finger up and down Dan's rigid cock. "Nice. I'm there, too. And now that we've resolved why I couldn't sleep with you, I'd love to enjoy you."

"Shower first?"

Morning was his father's best time of day. After he had prepared his script for the radio show, Dan sat down with him. "How is Chester doing?" his father asked.

"Seems fine. Are you concerned about him?" Dan said.

"Not especially. But he was concerned about you."

"Why's that?" Dan said.

"One night I asked Chester if you were like me."

"In what respect?"

"That you liked men but had to hide it."

Dan looked at him. Was he so prescient that he had figured it all out or had Chester confided in him? "Chester and I talk. More than Robert, he's my closest friend. Maybe we are even closer than I was with Leslie. There's never been anything physical between us. We just understand each other. Always have."

"I can tell he has great affection for you."

"Danny, I might be eighty-five but I understand some aspect of our manhood. I can tell you've got the same thing in you that I have in me. When did you discover it?"

Dan felt like he had been turned upside down. His strategy for telling his father the truth about himself was undone by his father's own courage. There was no point in stonewalling him. "I guess it was always there. I never thought much about it when I was younger or during most of my marriage. I felt it with just one man when I was younger. A friend I made when I was eighteen."

"This would be Ben?"

"Yes. How would you know?"

"Just a guess."

"When we were forty-eight something happened to light the spark. We started seeing each other. Still do, but it's changed now."

"And you were both married at the time?"

"Still are, but that's changing, too. He's going through a divorce from the woman he married in the midst of our love affair. And Jenny and I are splitting up. In a slower fashion. But I haven't told her yet."

"It's very difficult isn't it? Letting that secret out, even with so many young and proud gay men understanding their sexuality better than we could have."

"Yes, very. I'm struggling with it. I came down here to get ready for it. So I can tell her when I get back. Chester suggested I tell Marie first. So, she hears it from me the first time."

"That's smart. I should have done that with you. Maybe our relationship wouldn't have slipped away like it did for so many years."

"Dad, I'm sure about this. I've been in a couple of relationships and understand it well enough."

"Jenny will get used to it. Will she be angry that you waited so long?"

"She might. Especially since she told me she's a lesbian and has been seeing a woman. She wanted me to know. So, there's no excuse for me waiting so long."

"You screwed up there. But don't blame yourself too much. I waited too long. It is hard either way and causes turbulence however you do it."

Dan looked at his father shaking his head. "Did you really intuit this about me or did Chester tell you?"

His dad laughed. "Robert did. Chester would never break his code of friendship. But don't be angry. They are looking out for both of us. In different ways."

"What else did Robert tell you?"

"Not too much. He just said that from his most reliable source, you are a wonderful lover."

Dan started laughing. "Chester has missed you. He's probably told you that already," his dad said.

Dan nodded. "Dad, do you still see men at all"

"Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Why not? I hope you are."

"It's been difficult missing Les. But there's a guy who likes to entertain me. We go back a long way to Chicago."

"How nice."

"Yeah, it is. I'm very lucky. He wants to take you out to lunch tomorrow. Just you and him. So you can get to know him a bit."

"You could have asked me beforehand."

"He doesn't know you're gay. Or bisexual. What are you calling yourself?"

"One of those things."

"He wants your approval before we start seeing each other more. Very traditional, I know. That's the way he is even though he's almost fifteen years younger than I am."

"What's his name?"

"Chip McGuire."

"The guy from the radio station?"

"Yes. We have a great time together. I thought you'd like to talk with him about the music."

Dan broke into a wide grin, as did his father. "I look forward to it."

"Good. Chester is taking us to the studio and he'll bring me back. Chip will bring you after your lunch. Maybe he'll spend the night with me."

The morning at the radio studio was fascinating. The engineers treated Larry Morse like a celebrity, even though he was not more than a well-informed fan. The subject of the two hour show was the final years of Billie Holiday. They played cuts from "Lady in Satin" and talked about the deterioration of her voice as her addiction and poor health kicked in. For a few songs, there were earlier recordings to compare her to. Listeners called in with their questions and observations. An author of one of her biographies came on for fifteen minutes. For the most part, Larry and Chip guided the conversation, though Larry had by far the most interesting questions for the listeners. It was a true dialogue about her life and times with no one grandstanding. The time flew by, and Dan was surprised when the two hours ended and Chip ended with a farewell to their listeners. Holiday's version of "For All We Know" concluded the show.

Larry was ready to leave fifteen minutes later. "It was a terrific show, Dad. And you stood out with your knowledge."

"Thanks, Danny. I'm just there to keep things moving along. I know a bit more than Chip so he sometimes defers to me. But it's pretty common for the callers to know more than either one of us. I'm going to take off with Chester who's waiting for me in the lobby. Are you OK if I leave you with Chip?"

"Yes. It's fine."

Chip McGuire was a younger man than his dad and looked quite fit for being seventy-one. He carried himself as a business man, which he had been all his life. Chip informed him he had inherited a small radio station outside of Chicago and he had parlayed that wealth into several more. If Larry Morse resembled in body type his oldest son, Darren, a football player who never got big enough to play beyond high school, Chip much more resembled Dan's body. Dan was at least twenty pounds lighter than Chip, but Chip carried himself well as though he was enduring the formidable challenges of staying healthy in a good way. He still had thick hair, now gone completely grey, and trimmed his heavy facial growth into a short beard. Chip escorted Dan two blocks down the street to a Tex-Mex joint that seemed almost a hole in the wall. But when they entered, the place lit up like it was the proverbial well-disguised gem. "This place is the favorite of the radio station employees."

The hostess led them to what seemed to be Chip's favorite table. She lifted the "Reserved for Chip" sign and Chip asked him if he wanted anything to drink. "If you are," Dan said.

"Just a couple of weak margaritas, Dorita. We'll order the food in a few."

Chip smiled at him. "What did you think of the show, Dan?"

"I was very impressed. Informative, entertaining, and with very little down time. You guys kept the callers to a limit when I could tell a couple of them wanted to drag out their contributions, mostly to listen to themselves talk. And Janice, the Holiday biographer, was really terrific. On point the whole time. Of course, the music was great. Not her best given it was from her later years. But the pathos of hearing that remarkable and distinctive voice petering out was very moving. You and Dad have a very natural way of going back and forth. It was all very engaging."

"That's an amazing summary after hearing the show for the first time. Our topics aren't always as entertaining as today's. But we do pretty well. I'm really a rookie at this, like your dad. I was always in management of stations. This is my first live show. I was nervous at first, but now I think I've got it down. But I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't have a partner."

"How did you and Dad meet?"

"It's a long story. If you want to hear it. Some of it may upset you. I'm not sure what you know of your dad's life after he left you and your mother behind."

"I think we've worked through most of that over the past few years."

Chip then went on to discuss how he met Larry at a club in Chicago. Larry was single at the time, and Chip was married, but very available to a friendship with a man. He and Larry started seeing each other once a week. "I would have left my wife for him, but Larry told me that was impossible. He'd done it and didn't want to be tied up with another man who was contemplating the same thing."

The romance ended after six months. Larry moved on and eventually met up with Leslie, the love of his life. Chip continued to run into him at clubs and they maintained a friendship that endured, though never in a romantic way while Leslie was alive. When Larry and Leslie moved to Tucson, Chip told himself he'd be divorced within two years. "Your dad leaving was like a signal to me, a radio signal beaming from the tip of a huge tower. It was like a business deal with myself at age fifty. Our kids were grown and I wanted and needed to be myself."

Instead, a year later, his wife divorced him leaving him completely shocked and happy at the same time. But she took more than half his assets. Starting over financially consumed him. Nonetheless, he packed up and moved to Arizona, invested in a new radio station in Phoenix, and rebounded financially. After ten years, he switched gears, sold his stations, and became the business manager of the local public radio station. He enjoyed it immensely and was particularly entranced by the talk segments of radio. "I reconnected with your dad and Les after I moved to Phoenix. Eventually, I moved over to Tucson and added the public radio station here to my efforts. It was much smaller than the Phoenix operation, but much easier to run with a stronger support base. Then WADU became available and I jumped in. It never had much listenership and ran a lot of conservative talk show shit. Terrible stuff. I decided to play old music in a variety of genres all day long. A lot of it was plugging into prerecorded stuff. But I thought there was an audience. And I was right. We've added five live shows over the past year. And finally your dad and I teamed up. It's our most popular show. In fact, as you may have noticed, we do not interrupt for commercials. Kind of the public radio model. We have three well off clients who sponsor the show and when I asked them if they'd consider just a promo at the beginning and end of the show rather than commercial interruptions, they were on board one hundred percent. So, the Larry and Chip show has been a big success. I'd like to do more than two days each week, but your dad's unsure of it. But Chester has agreed to do the other three days, starting next week. Until your dad changes his mind. We'll call it the Larry and Chip show with Chester McDougal. You must know Chester?"

"Yes, he and Robert look after Dad. I'm so grateful to them."

"Chester is the musician adding that expertise. Some bigger stations want to pick us up. It's been a wonderful experience."

Their meal of enchiladas arrived and they talked intermittently as they ate. When they finished, Chip wanted to talk more. "I'd like to talk to you about my relationship with your dad. I'm not really asking for approval because whatever Larry does in his life certainly doesn't need anyone approving."

Dan smiled. "Especially from me. I hadn't seen him for decades before the last few years. He's his own man."

"Certainly, but given you and your daughter are such big parts of his life now, I want to make sure it's OK."

"I want him to have more friends. Anything that brings him out of seclusion is wonderful for him."

"When I was talking about us being together years ago after he came to Chicago and I was married, I didn't mention how much I fell for him. I was so deeply in love with him that when he dumped me, so to speak, I was unbelievably sad for several years. When I ran into him at clubs, he was very nice to me, but it was never, ever the same for him. I never lost that torch for him. He had moved on. I've been in several relationships with men since my divorce. But nobody matched up to your dad. And now it's like he's given me permission to love him again."

"That's very sweet. He must enjoy your affection. Why wouldn't he? You're a very nice man."

"I want it to be more than that. Not just casual sex with old friends. I want him to love me like I have always loved him. I know I can't force it. But I'm going to do my best to honor him and his family. That starts with you."

"Thank you. I'm flattered. He said you might spend the night with him?"

"I've been doing that once or twice a week for a while now. A new development. I hope I don't shock you by telling you what a passionate lover he is. Puts me to shame."

"Does he play music while you're making love?"

"Yeah. He insists on it."

Danny laughed. "Maybe that accounts for it. I know those old songs stir me up plenty."

Chip giggled. "Yeah, I love them too."

"So, you and me, for a first time meet, we're good with one another?"

"Absolutely. As you might imagine, it's a little weird talking about my dad as a lover."

"I won't go any further with that part of the conversation. But I'll do my best to help him out whenever I can."

"And be his lover. There's probably nothing better you can do for him than that. We all need that."

"Amen to that."

Dan extended his stay for two more days. On the last night, he and Chester cuddled together. "Everything go OK with you and your dad?"

"It's been splendid. Maybe my best visit in terms of feeling relaxed around him. You and Robert have been so good to me."

"We're looking forward to Marie's visit. Your dad wants to introduce her to everyone who's not met her. Have a party of some sort."

"She'd love it."

"Are you ready to take charge of your life?"

"Yes. I've got a lot of sorting out to do."

"Can we make love one more time? For whatever reason, something within me tells me this could be the last for a long time."

"I'd love to."

Dan had felt so much love on this visit and such attention given to the details in his life, that he felt like he was melting into Chester's arms as he pulled him to his chest. Chester rubbed his back eventually slipping his hands underneath Dan's t-shirt, kissing him lightly all the while. Dan closed his eyes and let himself be taken away. He wanted to give into this experience and be taken away by it. Seeing his father happy and maybe in love again. Knowing he had to set his life right, telling Jenny and maybe the world who he was. Wanting the physicality of his desires to merge with his ideas and what he must do. Chester had pulled his clothes off and was kissing his back from behind. He felt Chester's nakedness against him, Chester's cock at his ass, submitting to the love he felt in this environment. When Chester lubed him and stretched him, he felt himself open to all the possibilities. Chester whispered into his ear, "I will take you and you will take me." Then he felt the pumping rhythm of Chester inside, jizz spurting deep and Chester's deep breathing against his ears. Then they turned, so he could do the same to him. Touching Chester's ass cheeks and feeling the arousal as his fingers slid in to touch it, moisten it, enter it, then his cock to thrive in it, push into and out of it into glorious orgasm.

When they were done, exhausted, Chester said, "My, God, what did we just do. That was the purest expression of man love I've ever felt. I won't able to talk about it. Ever. Except to you."

Dan pulled him close to him, as their hands held each other's ass. "Chester, thank you for everything. If this is the last time, as you imagine, there is nothing more we can do for each other."

"Danny. I love you. Like someone loves the comet that blows through the sky once in a long while and retreats. And comes back again."

They held each other until they fell asleep. When Dan woke at three, Chester was still there, against him, deeply asleep, a tender smile lighting his face.

While Dan was in Arizona, Ben decided he couldn't wait any longer to clarify his life. His lawyer upon hearing what he wanted from the divorce simply said, "Are you sure you want it to be this simple?"

When he arrived at Maureen's with the papers, she looked it over for ten minutes. It was only two pages long, with no custody or alimony, no shared homes or automobiles. "The only question I have is on the second page. You are giving me twenty thousand dollars over four years, five thousand a year? I didn't ask for that," she said.

"It's all I can afford. For all the pain and suffering."

"I should probably be giving money to you instead if that's the justification."

"Let's say it's for raising me from the dead. You recall where I was when we met. Nearly dead. You resuscitated me. Revived me. Filled me with joy and optimism. And the sex was great along the way."

Maureen laughed heartily. "I won't argue with you on any of those points. I'm ready to sign."

She quickly put her name on three copies. Ben wrote his name below hers. "You may have to do this signing one more time to make it legal. I just wanted to make sure it was OK. I'm fine with it. Nobody's to blame. We had our run and I loved it. But we're both ready to move on."

"You know what that means for me. At least in the short term. What about you?"

"Maureen, there is something I have to say. I hope you won't be too angry. Before we met, even before Ellie got cancer, I was seeing a guy. Sexually. Romantically. Experimenting. It continued when Ellie got sick. But then it was mostly talking. Him listening to me. Helping me to get through it. And then he helped me again afterward. I dumped him when I met you. But we took up again. I've seen him off and on. We're lovers. Even if you had wanted to come back to me, I would have said I can't do it. This other thing is too big inside me. Just like it is for you."

He paused and wiped his forehead with his handkerchief. "I'm very sorry I didn't tell you earlier. There's no excuse. Except I didn't have the courage. I apologize."

She simply stared at him, but didn't say a word. "I know how hard it was for you to tell me, Maureen. It was harder for me to tell you. I'm not proud of that."

Finally, she said, "You. Ben Schermer. You like naked men?"

"What I like is to make love to a man who loves me. But, yes, the physical pleasure is intense for me."

"Did you ever try to tell me before we were married?"

"No. Never got close. I thought maybe it would go away after getting together with you. At the time, I hoped it would. That my life would be that simple again."

She started laughing. "Are you laughing because you don't think a man would find me interesting or attractive?" Ben said.

"Not at all. It's just I never in a million years would have suspected. Why are you telling me now?"

"I know it's late in the game. And maybe we could have stayed married and worked out an agreement. We would each be able to see people of our own gender. Have an open marriage in that way. I thought about that. But it's not me. I'm too conventional in many ways. Even though what I've just told you might not seem conventional at all," Ben said.

"I could have told you about myself, too. I've seen women in the past before Jenny. And I was hoping you would cure me, so to speak. And, man, did I give myself over to our passion hoping you would. I was hoping that your body and that beautiful penis of yours would turn me straight. So I truly understand. But for me, it's been something I've dealt with since I was teenager in one form or another."

"I'm a late bloomer. I'm quite sure I repressed the urge for a long time. But when I was so vulnerable with Ellie it surged out of me. I've battled it since, but I don't want to be doing that anymore. I want to be who I am for the rest of my life."

She reclined in her chair and closed her eyes. "And I was so afraid to tell you my secret. My, o, my. We do things to ourselves when we can't accept what we are, don't we?"

"Yeah. Can I ask you a favor?"

"Yes."

"You've probably figured out who my first lover was."

She nodded. "Dan Morse?"

"Yes. Could I ask you not to tell Jenny? Danny is going to tell her soon. Maybe when he gets back from Arizona. Please let him be the one to tell Jenny."

"Yes. I can do that. Believe it or not, we spend very little time talking about you two."

Ben laughed. "Good. As it should be. Though I'll bet we'll be the source of some juicy pillow talk very soon."

They stood at the door and had just broken free from a short embrace. "Ben, is that why you've been so nice to Peter? Because you understand him so well?"

"I really like Peter. I don't have an ounce of desire for him, if that's what you're wondering. Despite being handsome as hell and honest as the day is long, we are just friends. And I've told him I'd still like to be. Will you let him know that? After you tell him about tonight."

"Ben, I'd like you to tell him."

"I will. Promise. Thank you for giving me that privilege."

On his way home, he texted Dan, asking him to call. He did as he walked into his house. "I told her, Danny. She took it really well. She figured out it was you and me right away."

"Damn. I wanted to tell Jenny myself."

"I asked Maureen if she could keep that secret to herself until you had the chance. She said she would."

"Do you think she was being honest?"

"As much as I can predict things with her, I think she'll give you a chance."

"Great. Hey, have to catch my plane. Thanks, buddy."

He sat down and opened a beer. He reheated some of last night's lasagna and sat at the table. He had no appetite for anything but relief and joy. He couldn't get down the pasta or the beer. Gary called just then. "Hi, how are you?" Ben asked.

"Pretty great. OnLineHealth just called me. I got the job."

"Wow. That's fantastic. And you'd given up hope."

"I know. I can't believe it."

"How soon?"

"Whenever I can start. I told them in a month."

"I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, boss. You really inspired me with your pep talks. Can I still stay with you until I find my own place?"

"Yes, more than ever. Maureen just signed the divorce papers. And I told her about me and men."

"Shit, what did she say?"

"She was shocked as hell. But then she took it in without being angry. I mean, what could she say?"

"Of course, but still. People will be people when they hear things like that."

"She kind of laughed. Maybe she was picturing me naked with another man. I suppose that could be quite funny from a certain perspective."

"Might be even funnier if she pictured two water buffaloes like us together."

"Wish you were here tonight."

"Me, too. It would be joyous sex to be sure."

"We should do something to celebrate."

"I was thinking about going up to the cabin before I leave the Cities. I'm not sure I'll have time."

"Need to do it soon."

"Next weekend?"

"Let me work on it. Gary?"

"I love you."

"Are you telling me that because you are officially a single guy again needing sex?"

"Fuck you, but actually you are correct. But fuck you anyway. It feels so good to be free."

"Love you, too, boss."