Dan and Ben at Sixty is a continuation of two earlier stories, Reunion at Forty-Eight and Dan and Ben at Fifty-Five. Some characters from the past have continued into the new stories, some are new. When the last episode ended, Dan and Ben were still married to women, but their love endures as they evolve into something greater and different since they met and became intimate for the first time at age forty-eight. And they had each had found new loves to complement their love for each other, Dan with Alex, and Ben with Gary. These new stories are part of the continuing saga exploring how these two men can be friends and lovers. If you find yourself with too many questions about the men and their previous situations, you might want to read the earlier sequence of stories. Or contact me at miwisco@yahoo.com. As always, thanks to Nifty. Please support them. And thanks for reading.
Dan and Ben at Sixty--Chapter One By Ezra Randle
Late afternoons on an October day often provoked a sense of unease within Dan. As he tossed more brush into the small fire, thoughts erupted within him: how many more days would there be like this before some level of unsettledness or even catastrophe blew up his stable life? He could count on the predictability of work and married life and seeing Alex, but just as the tipping of a log in a quiet fire could cause the flames of uncertainty to blaze, he glimpsed the future in this same turbulent way. The school day had been an easy one with nothing rummaging in his head when he stepped away from the building at exactly 3:30. This allowed him to think about these possibilities without obstacles to block his thoughts. He would see Alex in a few hours, after Jenny drove off to New Berlin to spend the weekend with her sister, Maggie. Their care for their mother shared only on weekends had given him so many opportunities to see Alex over the past couple of years. But all that was winding down. Jenny's mother had been in the nursing facility for that same period of time but now her condition was week to week. He had only seen his mother-in-law once in recent months, and he begged Jenny not to pull him back into those visits. It was too difficult to witness life's cruelties play out especially on a woman who had been so vibrant just four years earlier before the dementia set in. It would be a relief for Jenny and Maggie when she passed. But it would change his routine with Alex. Perhaps sensing that inevitability, Alex had been retreating, talking once again that he had to pull the plug on their dating. Over the most recent three nights with him, stretching over a month, Dan had almost been expecting Alex to deliver the news that the inevitable break to their lovemaking was now upon them. It had reached the point where Dan refused to spend the night with him the last two times they met, fearing that the longer he stayed would create more opportunities for Alex to deliver his....what would be the term for what was to come next? An ultimatum? That he had to leave Jenny--this was Alex's key solution and hope. Alex claimed that their marriage was by all definitions a dysfunctional one. He hadn't had sex with her for a year. Or would it be Alex's demand that they take a break? Six months at the outset. Maybe longer while Alex spent his time looking for a new man. Dan recognized from his own past, based on Ben's frequent breaks with him over the years, that this separation had pushed Dan to seek other men. Perhaps that was Alex's endgame...that a trial separation would cause Dan to leave him, forcing Alex to start over without having Dan as his security net.
Alex's mood was low-key from the moment he arrived a few hours later. "How was your week at the office, Alex?"
"Not too much drama. I took Thursday off for a visit to the dentist. And today, I didn't have any appointments after one, so I came home early."
"What did you do?"
"Brought the plants in for the winter. Which didn't take too long. Then I tried to figure out the best way to tell you the news. I know I've hinted at it plenty of times. But this time I'm going through with it."
Alex motioned them out to the porch and turned the heater on.
"I've been dreading this moment for weeks. It's taken a toll on our lovemaking. Don't you agree?"
"Of course it has. We've been doing more talking than kissing."
"My decision has nothing to do with the intensity of the lovemaking. I can't imagine a better lover. Even if I find a new partner, he won't be as good. That's one of the many reasons why this is so difficult for me."
"Why can't we continue until you find someone new?"
"Because then I would have no reason to look. You and your ability to love me would continue to be the most wonderful fallback plan. I barely have time enough in my week to even meet up with you, much less search the internet or sit in a gay bar or whatever I'd have to do to find a substitute."
"Maybe I'm the best you're going to find."
Alex laughed. "I already know that, in a sense. You've set a pretty high bar. But I don't want to go through another night like a few weeks ago. I wanted you to be with me at the awards dinner and, of course, you couldn't go. You can't be seen with me in public. Even when we've gone to a movie, we practically have to sneak around so no one will see us together."
Dan nodded. "I've been very unfair to you. Tying you up like this for these months."
"It's almost three years. And I don't know if you are trying to be cute or cynical by saying that. We have a wonderful relationship. Our conversations in the privacy of my home or in my bed are so rich. Sometimes astounding. I've learned so much from you. You are interested in me and what I do. And the sex, Jesus, I can't imagine it any better as I've said over and over. You've made into a competent gay lover. Maybe even a good one. Because you are so talented and loving. Fuck, just fuck. This is so hard."
Alex started crying and stood by the screen door. "If I didn't love you so much this would be easy, Dan."
Dan stood alongside him, touching his shoulder. "Would you like me to go?"
"Not at all. Could you hold me?"
Dan stood behind Alex and slid his arms across Alex's chest. He was tempted to play with Alex's nipples, which were extraordinarily sensitive, but knew how inappropriate that would be. Did he cherish Alex mostly for that? The physical joy it gave him to touch Alex and then undress him. He had grown so used to Alex's skin and the unexpected places where he had body hair. Alex was so sensitive to his touch, practically everywhere on his body. One night Alex got so erect when Dan stroked his inner thighs over and over that he nearly had an orgasm. Dan sucked him for less than a minute and he exploded. "Would you like to lie down in bed to complete the goodbye?" Dan asked.
Alex turned and laughed. "You think seducing me will change my mind?"
"It's worked in the past."
"But it can't work tonight. I can't keep letting myself backtrack like I've been doing."
"Is that why you chose this chilly porch?"
Alex laughed. "I didn't think this setting was intentional. Maybe it is."
"Can we remain friends?" Dan asked.
"Of course. We have to. Just like you have to with Ben. It's in our blood."
"Yeah. It is a bit like that."
Alex turned away again, but Dan held him and pulled him tightly against his chest. His soft cock rode against Alex's ass. "I won't get hard. Don't worry. Just want to hold you."
"I'll miss that, Dan. I've totally blossomed as a sexual creature. You're responsible for that. Damn, you've done something wonderful to my ass. And cock, too."
Dan laughed. "You weren't too much in that department when we started."
"Please don't embarrass me. I was like a junior version of what I've become. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be any good with another man. Or if it's just with you."
"Theoretically, what if I left Jenny?"
"I wouldn't ever want to be responsible for such a change in your life. You'd need to do that on your own. Even if there's no sex between you. If you left her because you wanted us to continue, you'd never forgive me if we didn't work out."
"You've suggested I leave her over the past few months."
"I was wrong to say that. Regardless of how much you have sex with her or you don't, you still have all the pieces of that marriage in place. Your kids, your home. Everything. I don't want to be part of that."
"What happens after six months or a year or whatever time parameter you're placing on this break-up?"
"I can't think about that. If I put limits on this, it would just make my search even more impossible."
"What if you get so horny you can't stand it?"
Alex laughed. "Same as I did before we met up. Only this time my jacking off would be more fun. Because I know how to have fun as a sexually alive man. Thank you for that."
"I guess I should go now. The longer we talk the more likely one of us will say something we regret."
"That's smart of you. Like something I should say. Part of me knows, the longer you stay the greater chance we'd end up in the sack. Because part of me wants you there."
"How can we stay in touch?"
"Let me be the one reaching out."
"That's fair. As long as you do," Dan said.
"You don't want me to pull a `disappearing Ben act' on you?"
Dan laughed. "Please don't do that."
They kissed sweetly on the lips. No tongue. Dan drove home and called Jenny. She didn't answer. He played the Duggins Jazz Group CD and thought of his father and Chester in Arizona. He texted Chester to ask how his father was. There was no answer. The music was putting him into a welcome drowse. Thoughts of the few naked men he'd been with ran through his head. He didn't have the energy to even think about someone new.
Jenny returned early on Sunday morning, three hours before she usually did when she was coming back from New Berlin. Dan was finishing up some yard work and went to greet her when she came out into the back yard. "Hi. How's your mom?"
"Feels like it could be any day. But she's so damn hardy. When she was younger we were in awe of her toughness and resiliency. Now, when her mind tells her just to let go, her body won't listen."
"Would you like to sit for bit?"
"Do you have time to walk with me?"
The road in front of their semi-rural house turned into a country road that had little traffic. They set out with Dan asking her if she wanted to talk about her mother. Jenny said, "If you don't mind, we can cover that later."
"Sure. What's on your mind?"
"Something that's been with me for more than a year actually. You must be aware of how little we've been intimate for the past year. It's not been by accident or because I've been so preoccupied by my mother. Something has changed within me. I've lost my desire for you. I thought perhaps it was a post-menopausal thing which is very common. Losing interest in sex, in general."
"I'm aware. I didn't want to put any pressure on you."
"I appreciate that. Your gentle response to how I've been changing. I don't know how to say this other than just get it out there. I still have sexual desires. But they are for women."
Her words sat in the air as the breezes from the west swirled in their faces, billowing their jackets as they walked into the wind. Dan replied with what he thought was the most obvious question. "How do you know?"
"As I think back, I always had an interest. In a vague way. But over the past few years, spending so much time with Maggie, it's become clearer."
"How long has she been a lesbian?"
"She's been seeing women since her twenties. Over the past few years, we've had so many long stretches together when it's been just Maggie and me. Endless conversations about so many topics. It was easy for me to ask her about her journey. Maybe you can recall how she ended her engagement to Mitch just a few months before the wedding. She knew even then her desire for him could never match what she had for women. She's had two different partners along the way."
"Is she with anyone now?"
"Kind of, but it's still in development. As we talked and talked about her life, she was very frank about what she likes in the bedroom. I was intrigued. One night we slept together. As friends and sisters. We were both feeling such sadness about Mom. We kissed and touched each other. I was hesitant to do much more and Maggie wasn't pushing me down this path. Then we continued sleeping together when I stayed over. Probably thirty different times. Sometimes nothing happened. Sometimes we kissed and held each other."
Jenny paused in her retelling, but Dan didn't want her to, so eager was he to hear her complete story. "Maggie asked me if I wanted to know what it was like. To do more. And I said yes. Even though she's my sister, we've always been very close, as you know. One night we got completely naked and she made love to me. And something happened. Like I was discovering who I was in this elemental way. She got me so aroused. I can't recall orgasming with such pleasure. And that's not meant to slight you. When I told Maggie about our sex life, she was very impressed. That you seemed to understand the female's ability to be aroused and to orgasm."
Dan reflected on the first time he could recall having oral sex with Jenny. He was so surprised by Jenny's reaction of pleasure. That was in their courting days. And it had been a rare moment of lovemaking since when he hadn't pleasured her orally. "You didn't think it was weird at all with your sister?"
"Yes and no. We understand this was a unique situation. We were both very vulnerable because of Mom. She was teaching me what I needed to know. So I understood myself more clearly."
"Is there someone else you're interested in?"
"No. And Maggie and I have stopped sleeping together. We both thought it best to end her instruction. But I'm open to someone new. And I know I can't go back to having sex with you. I'm sorry to say that because you are such a good man."
"It's not me? Something I've done? Or failed to do? I want to hear that from you."
"It's not you at all. It's one hundred percent me and my own desires."
They walked on in silence for a half mile. He wanted to hold her hand and say he understood because he was in transformation to a man who loved only men. But he held back just as he had the other three or four times he was close to revealing his secret to her.
"Have you given thoughts to the practical dimension of this?" Dan asked.
"I've tried. That will be the most challenging part of this."
"Tell me what you'd like, best case scenario."
"We continue living together. Sharing all the things we do. Marie and Jerod, the house, talking about our work. Like friends. Because I hope we can continue as friends. We wouldn't sleep together. We could come and go with freedom, and we wouldn't have to coordinate all of that with each other."
He thought about what that would mean to him and none of it upset his sense of how he wanted things even before she'd revealed her secret. "That seems fine. I want you to have the opportunity to discover if this is the fit for you. If I can't do that, then you'd always hold it against me or one of us would have to move out."
She laughed a bit. "What's so funny?" Dan said.
"When I announced to Maggie I was determined to tell you, we talked about your possible reactions. I said I thought you'd be quite upset. Maybe even angry. Maggie thought you'd take it in stride. That you'd say things like you've just said. You'd be very reasonable. I laughed at her because what I had to tell you was such an unreasonable thing in so many ways."
"It is but we are complicated people. We've been together over thirty years. Nobody said it would be a smooth ride. In the big picture, this is not so big of a deal that we can't figure out a solution."