Dan and Ben at Fifty-five

Dan and Ben at Fifty-five--Chapter Eight By Ezra Randle

Ben woke from a startling dream. He was nineteen and Dan was sleeping on the ratty, old couch in his apartment. As he often did after they'd been out drinking on weekends. He was trying to fall asleep in his bedroom but something was keeping him awake. He got up to check on Dan and saw him on the couch with another man. They were kissing each other, almost wrestling with sexual passion. Dan had an electric smile on his face as the two kissed and rubbed their cocks. Ben using tiny steps snuck up closer to see who Dan's partner was. Finally Dan said, "Hi Ben, sorry we woke you." Dan's partner, an identical twin of Ben, turned to face Ben, and said, "Yeah, thanks for letting us use the couch." Ben told them to use his bed instead. The strange twin said, "Thanks again, man," as he led Dan into the bed topped with the twisted sheets of Ben's dreams. Ben watched the duo make love, kissing intensely, touching each other everywhere. Then the newcomer slid over and perched on the side of the bed and stared back at both Dan and Ben, who magically were naked in bed and holding each other's ass. The newcomer said, "I like it when you make love to me like this."

He woke up hard understanding only parts of the dream. Fortunately, Maureen was already out early for work, so he stroked himself as he closed his eyes, wishing Dan were with him in the bedroom. Without waiting to shower, Ben grabbed his phone and wrote an email:

"I know it's been a while. But I have a strong urgency to see you. Let's have coffee somewhere."

Ben's life in most ways was the same. Working fifty or more hours per week, mentoring and being teased by his coworker, Gary, spending less time with Maureen as her work kept her away for long hours as well. He and Maureen continued to catch up on the weekend. Their Saturday night sex date was still something he treasured and made time for. He knew that if that ritual disappeared their marriage might sail into rocky shoals. Just as missing the rituals of his friendship with Dan and their deeply expressed passion had led that ship deep into a body of water as vast as Lake Superior. Was the ship still out there, waiting to rescue their love or had it slipped slowly into the depths, never to be found again?

Dan responded the next day with an invitation for coffee the following weekend. It was warm enough to walk and talk. Dan looked well. His weight seemed the same, and the smile on his face felt authentic. Ben wasn't sure how to begin a conversation with him. So, when Dan asked him about Maureen, he felt at ease. "How long have you guys been together now?"

"Time's been eating me up. Let me count. I've known her for seven years. Married for five. You know, Danny, it's been just under ten years since we first took up, in our way."

Dan nodded. Ben continued. "Our fortieth high school reunion is this coming fall. They've been holding them in the autumn instead the summer. Will you go?"

"Not sure. I skipped the last one. I think it was during one of those spells when we weren't seeing each other."

"Yeah. Probably. There have been a lot of those periods," Ben said.

"Almost seems like there's been more months and years when you were unsure of yourself or unwilling to continue, than the other. I told you after Minneapolis and your night with Orvy, I wouldn't push you. I don't think I have. And that's well over a year ago. Hard to remember back then," Dan said.

"You can't have forgotten the aurora borealis fuck on the beach," Ben said.

"That one is locked in place. A very good reference point."

They had reached a section of the woods where the trail opened up into a vast prairie. The delay in spring kept the colors to muted browns and faint green. Many of the oaks and maples hadn't begun leafing out. The park had set up a bench overlooking another rocky valley. "Want to sit?" Dan said.

"Love to. You can probably figure out why I'm here. I'm usually pretty transparent and you are quite perceptive," Ben said.

"If it's as simple as you being horny because it's been so long since you had any, yeah, that's an easy one to decipher."

Ben laughed. "That's part of it, I guess. But I'm still quite uncertain about the place of this craving within me. I know that's not much of an issue for you. But I am actually in a better place with that. And, it's true, if we could go a motel room right now, I'd go. But that's not on my agenda today."

"How has your sex life been?"

"With Maureen, a few times a month. I met another man about a year ago. Had a couple of wonderful nights. And that's helped me to sort through the Orvy thing pretty well."

Dan reacted in complete surprise. "How did you meet him?"

"You know him. It's Roland."

Dan laughed loudly. "Orvy was away for the week and I was in town for a few days with a conference. He invited me over and kind of seduced me."

"Is that something he and Orvy do if one of them is away?"

"I think I was an exception. Besides, Orvy would never have given Roland permission. Had to be a secret. We're not ongoing. Just two ships in the night. I needed it very badly. The sex part. It really helped me. So this thing we do, that has come alive in me because of you, can transfer to other situations. It's not Dan-reliant."

"I'm impressed. You figure that out on your own?"

"I've been seeing Alex on occasion. To work on this issue."

Dan stood up. "Be right back. Have to pee."

He walked over to a copse of oaks and talked to himself. Alex had said nothing about seeing Ben, but then Alex had no idea he and Ben had been lovers. Unless Ben told him the specifics. Since his return from his second trip to Tucson, he was seeing Alex a couple of times a month to the point where he felt Alex had fallen for him. His affection for Alex was deep, and their physical relationship was quite exciting. When he returned, Ben looked at him with a smile. "How about you? Seeing anyone?"

Dan knew he couldn't talk about Alex. Not even as a general reference. "I had a few nights with a friend of my father? In Arizona."

"What the fuck! You're on good terms with your dad again?"

Dan told him the story of their reconciliation. "That is one fucking beautiful thing. I'm so proud of you, getting over what happened. How old is he now?"

"Eighty-two. I've been down to see him twice at his retirement community. I

stayed with friends of his. A gay couple from Chicago. One of them has befriended me

when I stay overnight. The two of them have an arrangement. So, it's been nice."

"Funny how the arrangements of two gay couples have benefitted both of us."

Dan looked at his watch. "Want to get going? I have only another half hour."

As they were approaching the parking lot, Ben paused, forcing Dan to stop. He looked at his former lover with as much love as he could generate. "Are you interested in me anymore, Danny? It's OK if you say you aren't. That's the main reason I came today. To ask you that. So I know how to proceed with my life and if I want to keep doing this with you. I know I do, and I feel like I'm ready for a stronger commitment to you. But I don't want to hold out any hope for you and me, you know, if there isn't any from your perspective. "

They had stopped a short distance from their cars, and Dan gazed ahead toward his car. "It's the unpredictability of it, Ben. It's not you so much as the fact you are always retreating from it. You're kind of inscrutable that way. It's easier for me to think of us as friends who love each other. That last part is still true for me. I do love you. But I've moved on."

They stood facing each other, two feet apart. "OK, then, Danny. That really helps me figure things out."

"You don't seem that happy about it," Dan said.

"How did you think I'd react? You're in me, to my core. I can't just stop feeling you. But it's my job to understand it. And move on. You'd expect that much from me, wouldn't you?" Ben said.

"If you can do that, love me but also forget about me, I'll be more impressed with you than I've ever been. I've just been through it, feeling like I've lost you. And it's hard."

Ben felt the tears behind his words, hoping he'd be able to hold off until Dan drove away. "Can I still give you a hug?"

They embraced, and that close touch set them both off. The tears erupted in Ben. Dan knew he had to get away before he broke down, too. Or spilled over into a conversation he'd regret. "Thanks, Ben. I hope we can stay in touch. To talk like this."

"Me, too. I really miss you sometimes."

"Got to run."

Ben watched him drive off. He retreated to a bench near his car. He let himself cry, to empty out the tank. Surprisingly, after just a few minutes, he was able to smile. He wiped his nose and eyes with his handkerchief. A bluebird landed in front of him on a fence post. He hadn't seen one in years. It had to be an omen. The start of his rebirth.

A month later, Gary came in to see him, grinning from ear to ear. "I got it. 3M just called me. I start in six weeks."

The job process had been going on for weeks to the point where Ben had forgotten about it. He grinned at Gary and embraced him fully. "I'm so happy for you."

"Guess what they said. The reference letter you wrote was a big factor in me getting it."

"The least I could do."

But Ben was already feeling a twinge of sadness. He liked Gary so much that it was nearly impossible to think he could come to work each day and not see him. "Any idea about your last day here?"

"The company owes me two weeks of vacation. Tomorrow might be my last day. Not like I have to explain to anyone what I've been doing. You know about every project I've been working on."

"Come in tomorrow and we'll finish everything up. Let's make it your last day."

"Hey, don't tell anyone yet. I don't want them to plan some farewell thing. I'll tell everyone tomorrow."

"Understand. Can I take you out to Maurice's for dinner today or tomorrow?"

"I think it has to be today. I've got stuff to do tomorrow."

"Have you told Paul?"

"Yeah, just called him before I came in here. It's very exciting."

At five, they were sitting at a corner table listening to Betty Carter sing with Ray Charles. "Whatever you want. It's on me," Ben said.

"A beer is good. We can order food in bit. That OK? Unless you're in a hurry."

"Of course. Tell me about Paul. Haven't heard any updates in weeks."

"All's good. He's been down to see me a few times. I've been up there four or five times including the two visits connected to the interviewing process. I've told you how much I like him. Seems like the feeling is mutual."

"Could you live with him?"

"Too soon for that, but I can stay there until I find my own place."

They talked for an hour about 3M and Gary's sense of what he was stepping into. They had a second beer and ordered food. When they were done, Ben knew he should get going, but this was the last time he'd might see Gary in a social setting. He didn't want it to end with him walking away out to his car. Gary looked at him. "You OK? You seem different today."

"I am a little. Feeling a bit sad about your leaving. I'm losing my co-worker and my workout buddy."

"We'll find a way. But I know what you mean. You are one of my big regrets, Ben."

"What do you mean?"

"All our kidding back and forth. Outing ourselves to each other, in a manner of speaking, though you've continued to be very discreet. I do think I understand a part of you."

"Yes, your savant powers."

"Before Paul, I used to get aroused thinking about you. So damn often. Those fucking showers at the Y. Damn. You are some very hot material. Plus, I just love the hell out of you as a workmate."

"Yes. You do know me quite well in your way."

Gary's knee touched his under the table. "If I knew I had a chance, I'd invite you over. But you're my boss, I understand."

Ben smiled and rubbed his knee against Gary's. "We're no longer work mates. So that's not an issue. It's an equal playing field."

Gary laughed. "Are you trying to seduce me this time?"

"Is it even possible? With you seeing Paul so often. You're practically a partnered guy."

"You fucking tease. Though it is very good with Paul. No disagreement there."

Ben stared at him until Gary said, "OK, man. You looking at me like that. I'm willing but you've got to choose. What's next? You tell me."

Ben smiled. "You're the hustler."

"I'm fifteen minutes away. That OK for you?"

"I know where you live. It's on my way home. So, no problem."

"You're not fucking with me are you Ben? A last round of kidding before I leave?"

"I'm on the up and up this time."

They walked to the parking lot and stood at their cars. "When we get there, give me ten minutes before you come up. I want to clean up a few messes. I was in a rush this morning."

"Text me when you're ready for me."

As he sat in the parking lot at Gary's apartment complex, Ben shook his head. Why was he doing something this outrageous? He was completely out of his element. Was this what he'd start doing to satisfy this craving which was back in full force? His cock had been aroused throughout the beers and the meal. Without even looking or feeling, he knew he had a wet spot in his briefs. He tried to reason with himself. This was the culmination of months of mutual seduction. He'd been attracted to Gary since he had transferred into HR almost a year ago. The desirability factor was present and accounted for. Was it even impulsivity when he'd wanted Gary this long? Maybe it was just an inevitability. Maybe leaping over the line was a consequence of Dan's rejection a few weeks ago. Liberating him to do something that was the culmination of a well-choreographed dance he and Gary had played out for months.

Fifteen minutes passed. Was Gary going to ghost him this short distance from his bed? Gary had already described the details of his bedroom one late afternoon at work when the two of them were alone. For whatever reason, they confided how they slept at night: king beds, no underwear or pajamas, one or two pillows. Just another phase of the teasing they indulged in. He was not tempted to leave unless Gary finally texted him and put an end to it. His second thoughts were in reality just tiny ones. How would they start the intimacy? Should they talk a while longer before they even kissed? He didn't want it to be a blow and go but that might be what Gary was used to in situations like this. Though he was confident it wasn't. Everything Gary had told him about his relationship with Paul made him think this was likely to be something quite sensuous with lots of foreplay. Which is exactly what his body was craving. He knew Gary better than he'd known Roland when they had their nights together.

The text finally dinged. "Ready for you, sexy man." He took the steps up to the third floor, and down the hallway to the right, Gary was waiting for him at the door to his apartment still wearing what he'd been dressed in at work, minus his shoes. "It wasn't terribly messy. Just wanted to make sure it was inviting for you. Come in."

In fact, his one-bedroom apartment wasn't unkempt at all. As neat and tidy and pared down as any apartment could be. Frank Sinatra music played in the background. "I don't have much stuff. So it's easy to keep things looking kept up. I mostly wanted to change the sheets on my bed. Just in case this proceeded to plan. Which I think it will. Or are you having second thoughts?"

Ben chuckled at Gary's considerate thinking. He was more familiar with this process than Ben was. By a hundred miles. "I thought about leaving, but it was just a passing note while I waited. You have to understand, Gary, I'm out of my element to a great degree. This is not what I've done the few times I've been with a man."

Gary smiled. "Understand. The big, bad bear will treat you with kid gloves."

Ben smiled back. "Until you consume me?"

"I hope we consume each other. If that's to your liking."

Ben sat on the sofa. "Anything more to drink?" Gary asked.

"Water would be fine."

Gary sat next to him on the sofa. "I think you're more relaxed than I am. So, why don't you take charge," Ben said.

Gary smiled. "How's my choice of music? I have playlists of all sorts. Or maybe you don't want any music?"

"It's great. Especially his mellow stuff. It was always going to be Sinatra. From your first attempt to get me over here. Right?"

"Good memory, Ben. I'd forgotten."

Ben let his hand rest on the corduroy fabric between them. Gary set his hand on top of his. "I wouldn't have the nerve to do this if you hadn't confided so much about you and Paul. And how you enjoy each other. Seems like a style of intimacy I'd enjoy."

Gary squeezed his hand. "I know me telling you about him turned you on. Just like it did for me."

"You sure you're all right with this? With Paul in the background I mean," Ben said.

"He still sees his old friend in St. Paul. We have no commitments yet."

Gary broke the ice. "Can I kiss you, Ben?"

Ben smiled. Sometimes he didn't know what to say to Gary. Because he was so open with him. When he nodded, Gary leaned into him and Ben embraced him at the awkward angle on the couch. Their kissing was very tentative. It reminded Ben of his first time with Roland. Gary stood and offered his hand to Ben, pulling him up next to him. They embraced again, and then Ben unbuttoned Gary's blue work shirt. His thin undershirt was an old white t-shirt with the faded picture of green penis spurting cum. Ben laughed. "You wear this to work?"

"I often do. Sometimes it helps me through the day. I'm probably a lot hornier than you are."

Ben was still laughing. "We'll see about that."

Gary was already unbuttoning his light green shirt and had reached his faded white undershirt. "Wife-beater style. I usually notice when you're wearing one. I can see the outline through your shirt. Forgot to look today."

Their physiques were similar in many ways. Muscular men, in Ben's case, gone to seed a bit more. Gary had better muscular control of his extra pounds. Gary lifted his t-shirt off and felt the hair on his chest. "You know how many times I had to stop myself from touching this in the shower at the Y?"

Ben lifted Gary's t-shirt off and touched his nipples. "Are they sensitive?"

"Only if a man over fifty plays with them."

Ben laughed. "Do you practice your lines, Gary?"

"No. They come naturally. I'm very instinctive in case you haven't noticed."

Gary unfastened Ben's black work slacks and let them slide to the ground. "Briefs. Very sexy. You usually wear boxers. I can often tell by looking at your trousers. Especially the tight ones. Which I love. Your ass cheeks are such a turn on."

Ben could not stop smiling. Gary did that to him. Making him feel so lighthearted in a genuine way. Ben unfastened Gary's khakis. Just before he let them drop, he said, "I'm guessing you raced up and took off your underwear. Now you're commando."

Gary laughed. "You're half right. I did change though we could both use a shower."

When Ben let them drop, he gasped at the black jock strap. Gary's cock was bulging inside the pouch. "Do you ever wear one to work?" Ben asked.

"Once a week or so."

"I hadn't noticed. Though I will admit I love looking at you at work. At the front and back of your trousers."

"I know you do. When I noticed you doing that, I started wearing tighter slacks."

"Jesus, Gary. You make me feel so randy. Like I'm your age."

Gary laughed at him as Ben grabbed his cheeks. "Ready to shower?"

"Yes. I think we'll both fit."

In fact, the tub style shower was a tight fit for two men who scaled out around two-hundred-twenty-five pounds. Ben found the tightness erotic, constantly rubbing up against Gary's torso and ass cheeks as they switched positions. "We've seen each other multiple times in the shower. But somehow this seems new," Ben said.

Gary kissed him as he washed his balls and cock. "Damn, Ben, I can't believe you're here. All my fantasies come true."

"As I said, I've thought about you, too, in a situation like this."

"You like my body?"

"Yes, very much, but if I didn't enjoy you so much I wouldn't be here. One night I even drove by this apartment complex. Hoping you'd be standing at your car. And you'd invite me in."

"Fuck. Why didn't you call me?"

"For the same reason I didn't stop and ring your buzzer that night. We work together--I used to be your boss."

He turned around and Gary washed his back and ass cheeks. "Mind if I wash inside there?"

"Go ahead. I'll do you when you're finished."

They dried off and Gary led him to his bedroom. The top bedding was folded back inviting them. "Sit down, Ben."

He sat on the side of the bed and Gary knelt between his legs on the carpeted floor and took his hands. "Let's get the questions out of the way before we lie down."

"What are you talking about?"

"Number one. Do you want or need me to call you `daddy'?"

Ben laughed. "I am one and also a granddaddy. Is that what this is about? Daddy-son play?"

"Not at all. There are a lot of men who are like that. Just because I'm a younger man who desires older, some of my dates assume I'm looking for my daddy."

"You're not?"

"No. Sometimes I'll play along for the sake of the fun. It's not my preference."

"What does Paul like?"

"He's somewhere in between. He likes it when I use the "D" word."

"That's all foreign to me. The only men I've been with were about my age."

"How many men....or would you rather not say?"

Ben paused. He knew he couldn't mention Orvy, but he felt safe about the Dan and Roland. "Just two. The first quite a bit. The second for two nights."

"Was he the man in Minneapolis?"

"Yes. An old friend, actually. Sorry to withhold that. I had to."

"I understand. You going off to see him and rejecting our opportunity at the hotel actually prompted me to go out that night. Where I met Paul, and, magically, here we are anyway."

"Other questions?"

"Am I supposed to be the younger guy who controls the lovemaking or are you the older guy who wants to be in charge?"

"What's your experience, out of curiosity?"

"It's always one or the other. Usually they want me to be in charge. The young bull bursting out of the coral. They see my body type and assume that's who I am."

"It's always been a fifty-fifty thing for me. That's all I know. That's what I want it to be."

Gary laughed. "You're not just saying that. I mean technically you're still in charge. I haven't announced I'm leaving except to you."

"When I thought about this earlier, I wasn't sure how that would play out. Maybe you'd want me to be the bossman. You, bent over my desk. Taking me up your ass. Grunting, yes, daddy, more please," Ben said affecting a feminine voice.

"That's not what you want?"

Ben smiled. "I know there's an age difference. A big one. You're young enough to be my son. But I've grown to accept you as my equal. That's how I'd like this to play out. By the way, with the fucking thing, not on the first date."

"Thank you for saying that. It's good to get that out of the way. Fucking can be the big deal some make it out to be. But this is more important."

Ben reached down and felt Gary's cock. "You stayed hard through that. Jesus, talking makes you hard."

Gary laughed and Ben joined him. "I'm an old fashioned guy, Ben. I might be thirty-four. But I feel like I'm your age in many respects. I just happen to like older men."

"I still wish I had a thirty-four year old cock. That stayed at attention longer than it does."

They stretched out on the bed. Ben was so undone by Gary's conversation that he kissed him deeply. "The conversation was foreplay for you, too?"

"Yup. Feel me now."

Ben was rock hard. "Impressive. I wondered if you popped out of your foreskin. At the Y you sometimes got semi-hard. It was very sexy."

"Have you been with uncut men before?"

"You're my first."

"Let's stop talking for a while. We could be here all night at this rate," Ben said.

The lovemaking took off. They kissed all over, touching every surface area and hidden zone on their body, areas they had mutually been observing from a few feet away in a public shower. Ben tried not to think of Dan, knowing it was unfair, but Gary's love making style was akin to Dan's. Even from the first time he and Dan had met at the motel room in Monroe. Gary had much more experience than either he or Dad did when they first met at age forty-eight. But they like Gary had a natural instinct for what it took to satisfy a man. He and Gary took long rounds of giving oral to each other. At one point, Gary said, "You do enjoy it both ways, don't you?"

"Yes, it's the only way I know."

Gary brought him to climax by fingering his ass as he sucked his cock with sumptuous lapping with his lips and tongue. It was the best blow job he'd ever received. He returned the favor though he knew he couldn't match up. When they finished, Gary said, "Wow. You are talented with your mouth. That's the best I've ever had."

"You just saying that because I'm your boss?"

Gary laughed. "Ex-boss. I know what I'm talking about. Did I satisfy you?"

"More than you could imagine."

They kissed and held each other before Ben said, "I need to go. And I need to come back."

"I can't stop you from leaving though I'd be happy with a few more hours. If you never came back, I'd suffer. Wondering if this had been real or not. That's what I always think about with the really good first times. That I need authenticating at least with a second time."

"Have you had many really good first times?"

"I can count them on one hand. You'd be the fifth."

"Let's work out a schedule for the few more weeks you'll be here."

"Our first job tomorrow on my last morning."

They saw each other four days later, and then as often as they could over the next four weeks. Ben worked feverishly during the day to get his work done. If he could leave an hour early, he and Gary would have an extra hour before Maureen expected him at home. When he had sex with her on their ordained Saturday night, a week into seeing Gary, he was initially not very aroused. Then he allowed all the scenes of him making love to Gary to swirl inside his head and his cock rose like the Phoenix. Maureen asked him why he was so unusually excited, and he said, "I've missed you. I've missed this. I'm grateful we have each other." The explanations weren't lies but he knew they were hypocritical.

He and Gary developed a routine complete with rituals since Gary was now free during the day, preparing for his move to the Twin Cities. Gary lent him his second key. He let himself in whenever he arrived in late afternoon and headed directly to the shower. Gary would leave a pair of his clean underwear in the bathroom. Even though they quickly removed each other's underwear in bed, they like starting off with them on. In addition, Gary told him he liked wearing the pair Ben had taken off in bed, after Ben left, complete with precum residue. Gary would be on the bed, but he wouldn't come out while Ben was preparing for his entrance. Ben would try not to look at Gary until he was stretched out next to him. Then he would close his eyes waiting for the first kiss. Gary had stopped shaving again, and he'd rub his whiskers against Ben's face and kiss him. Ben would open his eyes and smile, almost in relief that he was not at home imagining this scenario. Gary said he wasn't going to shave completely until he moved, that somehow this would allow him to religiously preserve everything about their intense affair until it was over.

One of the aspects Ben loved about Gary was that he was so open to talk about almost everything, including what he'd done in the past with his partners. It was very liberating for Ben, as though he was living out this reality, absorbing Gary's experiences and becoming an even more experienced lover in the process. Gary had no complaints about his performance. On several occasions he even accused Ben of hiding his past experiences. How else could he be such a good lover?

Ben raised the possibility of fucking on the fourth date. Gary told him he enjoyed it, but it wasn't necessary. Too often, from Gary's experience, expectations about fucking had undone a promising new relationship. Ben enjoyed talking about it which they did over the next couple of dates. And Gary enjoyed him recalling his glorious experiences fucking women. Ben got used to using that term, "fucking," for the first time with a man. He had never used it with Ellie and rarely with Maureen. With Dan, it had been mostly an unspoken thing. So the openness with Gary was so refreshing. Some of the time, he felt like he was in the process of being remade as a lover. A full fledge gay man who no longer saw women in a sexually intimate way. But that would pass and what was left was the increasingly strong sense that he could love a man and a woman equally. Whether this was true bisexuality was a question he'd have to answer later. This was so different than with Dan. Seeing Gary three and four times a week over four weeks was a classroom of the most enjoyable sort. One afternoon, they did not have sex. Just held each other, sometimes getting hard, but usually letting their cocks hang flaccidly, as they talked about their lives and their desires. That afternoon, Gary told him he was falling in love with him, and he wasn't going to stop himself from making the plunge. Yet, he was asking for permission. Ben blessed him like a priest might have done when he'd confessed his thirty episodes of masturbation when in middle school. "Go in peace, my friend," Ben said jokingly. Gary, who was also raised Catholic though had never once been to confession, laughed and said, "Thanks, boss. And you?"

Ben laughed. "Yes, I am, too. And enjoying it. But it's OK because the guardrails are in place. I'm married and you're leaving town. None of this changes those trajectories."

"My feelings exactly. We don't have to protect ourselves from the dangers of letting those feelings out. Our circumstances will take care of that. And if we are sad afterward, fuck, that's so much better than not feeling it at all. I could go the rest of my life without having this happening to me."

And for one of the many times, Ben thought to himself, this young man really is a savant, not some naïve putz as some of his work colleagues thought of him. They made love rapturously. When he told Gary, he'd like him inside him. Gary said, "Like a son fucking his daddy, boss?"

Ben spoke solemnly. "No, like a man who loves me."

That same afternoon, when he came out from his shower, Gary called him back to the computer station in the bedroom. "Look at this," and he pointed to the screen.

"Looks like some medical report."

"My blood test. Neg. From a week ago. Just wanted you to know. You don't need to prove it to me. But you might have thought I was quite promiscuous given my age and the way I kid around."

Gary was very gentle with him the next time they met, two days later. They had texted that afternoon. Gary called it mango, as in, "do you still want to have mango later?" Ben affirmed he was a big fan of the fruit and was looking forward to it. Gary left an enema out in the bathroom. The underwear left on the counter of vanity was a jock strap. They were the same size so Gary's underwear choices for the day always fit. Sitting next to the jock strap was a butt plug and a tube of lube. The lovemaking that afternoon was different as though Gary understood that Ben wanted him to be in more control. He led them through their various rituals of kissing and nipple play. He didn't minimize any of the foreplay, knowing they both needed to be fully aroused and full of their emotional intensity if this new level of lovemaking was to be incorporated well. Ben told him to start with him on all fours, and Gary, after removing the plug and washing him, licked him extensively, a ritual they each performed every time they met. Then he fingered him gently, lubing him deeply and extensively. "Do I need to suck you to get you hard?" Ben asked.

"No. I'm there on my own. I've been thinking about it all day."

Ben reached back and felt Gary's stiff cock. Then he rubbed it across his anal area. "I'm so sensitive there. Do that some more."

Gary rubbed his delicious cock across his ass and perineum before he began probing. It slid in easily, though Gary never rushed the entrance. Soon he was holding steady. "How does it feel?"

"Very big. I've only had a couple in me a few times. You are the thickest."

"I'll rest then. Let you get used to me more. Let me know when you're ready. By the way, the neighbors moved out yesterday. The apartment on the other side of these walls in empty."

Ben laughed and moaned softly. Gary fucked him slowly for the most part, making sure his cock touched all the places inside Ben. When Ben moaned louder when Gary crossed over and back the length of his prostate, Ben said loudly, "Glad you found that spot. Feels different than your finger rubbing it."

Gary's cock massaged his prostate for ten minutes. "Wonderful, man. How does it feel on your cock?"

"You fit me tightly, so it all feels good. Let me know if you want to switch positions."

Ben pulled forward and rolled on his side. "I loved to be spooned."

"Good, cause I love to do that. And with you, I will really feel like I'm making love to you. Because I do love you. Don't say anything, please. Just let my words hang in the air."

Gary lubed him again and then entered him. Ben thought how much each of his two wives loved this position, and he understood it. Dan had taken him in this position and it was memorable. He felt Gary's belly against his lower back and ass. "Your body is so much like mine, Gary."

Gary rubbed Ben's chest. "When I saw you naked in the shower for the first time, I did a double take. Our chests and bellies have the same structure. Same type of chubbiness. The pattern of the hair on our torsos has the same thickness and lines. Even close to the same color. Neither one of us shaves or even trims much around our genitals."

Gary pulled the hair at Ben's lower back just above his ass. "Even here, the same tuft." He rubbed Ben's ass cheeks. "When you turned in the shower and I saw this set of buns, just like mine, I gasped. And take away your foreskin, our cocks are so similar."

"You feel a bit longer than mine inside me right now. Just saying."

Gary pushed and pulled his cock a few times, as far in as he could reach. "Man it feels good with you in there. Making love to me," Ben said.

"You know the concept of the doppelganger?"

"Yes. I do. And I've thought about that, too. How much we are alike. Like age doesn't mean a thing in this comparison."

Ben started sniffling. "Are you crying?"

"Yes. Sorry."

"It's not even our last week."

"I know. Two more to go."

"Do you need to talk about it? Or is it just like with me, after you leave each evening, when I get weepy. Like this shouldn't be happening, but somehow, someway it is."

"Yeah."

"Is it like this with your friend who you won't talk about?"

"It can be when we give ourselves."

"Does he look like you, too?"

Ben laughed. "No, sweetie, that honor is all yours."

"We must be sure to take a picture with us together. Clothed and naked. Just in case."

"Yes. I've told you that you could be my son."

"Yes, daddy, you've mentioned that."

Ben squeezed down with his ass muscles. "O, daddy, I didn't think I could ruffle your feathers," Gary said laughing.

"I meant, metaphorically speaking, we are spiritual father and son in some way. Not in a kinky way. I'm still thinking about that. Why I am so crazy about doing this with you. For god's sake, this is like I'm fifteen or something."

Gary slid his hand on Ben's cock which was still wet with precum. "Maybe it's just this guy acting out his mad desires."

"I know it's him. I've always been a very sexual person even when I've been completely monogamous. Not randy, just very sexual. But you and me is something different."

"If we were together as partners, we might lose this."

"You're right. It's so predicated by the time limits. Still, you're getting into my soul. Something quite deep," Ben said.

Gary push his cock into Ben three times, as deep as it would go. "Deep, like that."

"Yes, but deep like something more. I'm not a religious person. But it's in the spiritual realm."

Gary kissed his neck. "I'm going to take you, old man. Come along for the ride."

Gary built up the thrusting, slowly and deeply until he was moving at a moderate speed. Never frantically racing. He held Ben's cock and Ben pushed his cock through Gary's hand as they built up to the release. "Ben, I'm going to unload in you. It's going to be big."

When Gary released his cum he shouted loudly. Ben gushed into Gary's hand shooting onto his chest, joining Gary in the chorus of two men who, beyond all odds, have found something they would remember until they die. They rested as Gary played with Ben's cum rubbing it on his nipples. Ben felt sleep coming on, something they rarely had time for. Ben resisted going under even when he felt Gary twitch and snore lightly. He smiled to himself and talked to Dan, as he often did after any orgasm. "I've found something just as good, Danny. You would approve. Thank you for preparing me so well."

Despite his resistance, Ben let himself be captured by sleep, kissing Dan and Gary alternately on each side of him as he descended deeply.

Their last meeting was an overnight. As if Maureen knew he needed this freedom, she called one of her gal pals for a trip to Chicago. Gary kissed him when he entered the apartment and handed over the key. "Thanks for trusting me with it. One night at three, I woke up and wanted to come over. I even got up and felt the key in my trousers, thinking I could sneak in and slip under the sheets and you wouldn't know until you woke in the morning."

"I'm a light sleeper. I would have felt your cock near my ass."

After Gary fucked him, and they showered and had a late meal, it was eleven. They settled into bed. "Thank you for keeping Paul out of your life during this past month."

"He understood I was busy. And I have been, closing everything down in Madison."

"And you're staying with him when you get there."

"He's very eager. He found an apartment for me. Down the street from his home. He gave me a video tour of it and even paid the security deposit.

"Sugar Daddy type of thing?"

"No, just until I get there. I'll move my stuff up in a few weeks."

"You can store your stuff at my place. I know you don't have much."

"Wow. That would be so great."

"For as long as you need to."

Gary snuggled close to him. "It will be difficult restarting with Paul. I used to be so horny when I saw him. Who knows what the state of my libido will be when I get there."

"You're young and versatile. Cranking out boners on demand."

Gary laughed. "That used to be my M.O. You've taken a bit out of me. But I'll be OK."

They kissed and snuggled for twenty minutes. "Ben, would you tell me about him."

"Why do want to know?"

"It's our last night...maybe forever. I've told you everything about me. And I've never asked much about you."

"It's a long story."

"I just want to understand."

"What?"

"Why you miss him so much."

"Jealous?"

"Not in the slightest. You are such a beautiful lover. He's made you that way to some extent."

Ben told him everything. Starting from their friendship when they were eighteen and nineteen. His propositioning Dan when they were forty-eight. Their off and on relationship over the next few years. Ellie's death and how Dan brought him back to life--miraculously. His marriage to Maureen. Then rediscovering Dan in Eau Claire and at the Trinity Club. He even told him about his nights with Orvy and Roland and his attempts to understand these desires in his soul. When he finished, an hour had elapsed, and Gary just shook his head. "It's a fucking novel. Better than 98% of the serials streaming on all the networks. But they never show lives like ours, do they."

"Thanks for listening...I guess. One man's story stacked up against the rest. Seems pretty small. But if it's worthy enough to be told, then the chapter we've just created is just as worthy of a next section. Somebody listening to a summary of what's happened since you came to work with me, ending with the past month's worth of loving might be impressed."

"When you get back together with Dan will you tell him about us?"

"The bigger question is will I ever get to make love to him like I do with you again. Seems doubtful."

"Would he be impressed with us?"

"Fuck, yes. Just like I'll be impressed with the man or men he's seen since our cycle ended. We're connected that way. Just like I think of him sometimes after we make love."

"Do you talk to him?"

Ben smiled. "You have to be more specific."

"In your head, boss. After we make love. Telling him what he's missed. That you're still a fantastic lover and that you have the desire."

"Yes. I have. I have to. He and I are linked that way."

"I know what you mean. I suspected Dan was always with us. Just like my best lovers are always with me. Making me something new and better for the next time. That's what we are. New and improved versions of what we were. Making ourselves better lovers for the next guy."

"Maybe you'll be better with Paul because of us."

"Hope so, though he brings some limitations to the table. It takes two to bring the best out."

Ben laughed for well over a minute. "What's so funny?"

"You. So wise and insightful at age thirty-three."

"Thirty-four, boss."

"Or sixty-four."

"Thank you for the compliment. You see why I am looking for older guys, don't you?"

"Younger guys would toss you out with Sinatra and Ella. Most of them don't understand our music and our way of loving."

"Some of them do. Most people, young or old, are not open to what we are looking for. The connection. They have to be taught by tasting it. That's been my experience anyway."

The held each other as the clock ticked to three. "Need to sleep, Ben?"

"Of course. But this is a once in a lifetime moment. Learning lessons from the savant," Ben said.

"Hey, boss."

"Yes, lover man."

"I know you don't like to fuck me as much as you like me fucking you. But would you do me a favor. For the last time. I already gave you a farewell gift earlier."

"If you can wake Willy up, would be my pleasure."

Gary rolled between his legs and licked and sucked his cock to attention. They licked each other, as Ben fingered him. Gary rolled onto his back near the edge of the bed and Ben slid his fingers in and out loosening and lubing him. Ben's cock was stiff, full of desire, wanting this last time to be as memorable as anything he'd done. He rubbed his knob across Gary's hole. Gary moaned and lifted his legs onto Ben's shoulders. Ben eased in. "It's going in easily. I spent the day loosening myself up. Hoping you'd pop in for a visit," Gary said.

The familiar feeling of a cock in a tight space stiffened Willy even more. He opened his eyes and looked at Gary staring up at him. Gary's cock was leaking. He held out his hands and Gary took them, holding his fingers tight. Gary smiled and mimicked Ben's familiar admonition at work. But instead of saying, "Gary, Gary, Gary," Gary said, "Ben, Ben, Ben," capturing his voice perfectly. It was a gesture of affection that capture their profound love for each other, laced with an ever present dollop of humor. Ben laughed as he thrust deeply and exploded inside of his young lover. Gary's cock without the aid of his hand spurted onto his chest and face. He, too, laughed loudly, as their hands clutched each other.