Dan and Ben at Fifty-five

Dan and Ben at Fifty-five--Chapter Four By Ezra Randle

The turbulent feelings Ben had after his night with Orvy stayed with him for months. He was easily distracted in other ways as work had become very intense, often demanding that he work fifty plus hours during the week. Weekends became a way to reinvigorate. He often took naps on both Saturday and Sunday to recover and refuel for the arduous work week ahead. Could he have worked less, devoting so much of his time to projects when he could have handed off some of the duties? Of course. He wasn't expecting as much out of Gary as he demanded of himself. When Gary practically begged for more work to relieve some of the pressure, Ben usually smiled and said, "No point in both of us getting stressed out by working long hours. Leave it to me."

One day, Gary shut Ben's door and confided that he suspected Ben's purpose was to demonstrate how the plant could function without him, but Ben told him, "No chance of that. There's too much work for one."

He liked Gary, and one evening when they were both working late, Gary asked him about the weekend at the Lake Superior cabin. Ben was cautious other than saying an old friend from Duluth had dropped by for one of the days and that he loved the solitude for the rest of the time. He could tell Gary trusted him. When they reviewed how the two of them had resolved the harassment the straight workers had used to intimidate the two gay men, Gary said, "I didn't think it would come down to firing one of them."

"We gave them plenty of options. One guy chose the evening shift. The other guy tested us. When we told him he was going to lose the job if he didn't switch, he didn't believe us."

"I wouldn't have been nearly as nice and understanding of them as you were. I wanted to fire the assholes ASAP."

"We had orders from the higher ups to fix it without any publicity. Firing them wasn't the preferred action."

"You know, it could have been me."

Ben looked at him, very puzzled. Gary simply nodded and smiled. "It's hard hiding it, Ben. Especially since I've known since high school."

"How old are you?"

"Thirty-three."

"Are you partnered?"

"I was for five years. Single again now."

"These hours can't do much for your love life."

Gary laughed. "I wasn't getting much anyway. At least this way, I'm making better use of my time."

"How'd you know?"

"Know what?"

"That you were gay....so young."

"I tried it with girls for a while. Never felt right. When I had my first date with a guy in college, it all clicked."

"Forgive me if I'm out of line, but have you ever had sex with a woman?"

"Came close in high school, but I held back. Somehow I knew it wasn't right. She wanted to, by the way. Begged me to be her first."

Ben was impressed by Gary's sincerity. His straightforward attitude allowed him to ask more questions. "What happened on your first date with a guy?"

"Not too much. I like to kiss, so we did that. Some oral. Took me a while to do more. It's a different world compared to men and women. Do you know much about it?"

Ben chuckled inwardly, contemplating what he could reveal to Gary. "Just a little. My stepson is gay. He knew in high school like you. He's never been with a woman either. I asked him how he really knew if he never tried it with girls, you know, all the way."

Gary laughed. "Want me to guess what he said?"

"Good luck."

"Based on what I'm thinking, his first response might have been `none of your business'."

"That's fair. But in this case, he was willing to be a bit more open than that."

"OK. Second guess, he said, `I knew without having to know'."

"Bingo. Why did you say that?"

"If I asked you if you'd get any pleasure being with a man, wouldn't you say the same thing?"

Ben nodded and knew he should stop with his queries, even though he'd like to engage Gary for another few hours on related topics. "We can knock off anytime. The rest can wait until tomorrow."

"You sure? You're not going to stay after I leave and get it all done on your own like you usually do?"

"Promise. I'm headed home, too."

Gary looked at him. "Want to get a beer?"

"Yeah, sure. Wouldn't mind a burger to go with it. Nobody's waiting for me anyway. Maureen's working later than I am and my stepson's out until late, too."

"Where to?"

"How about a place you'd go."

"Gay bar OK?"

"Sure. As long as it's got decent bar food."

They ended up at Maurice's, a sit down restaurant with a small bar. Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett songs played in the background. There were fifteen people there, all men, most of them Ben's age. He and Gary ordered food and sat at a table toward the back. "The place fills up later. It's often jammed on weekends."

"Middle aged guys?"

"Usually."

"I like the choice in music."

"Me, too. I started listening to Sinatra music in college in a place like this in Ohio. Made me feel at home. Are you much of a fan?"

"I'll be honest, I never got into the whole `Rat Pack' thing and his voice gave out at the end. But when it's just Frank and me and a lonely night, not much better."

"You know the concept albums?"

"Of course. I could listen to `In the Wee Small Hours" every night."

The waitress brought their food which was excellent. Ben relaxed even more as the music and the company reminded him of the comfort of The Trinity Club and listening to Lorraine. Gary had been quiet during the meal, but he finally spoke, like it was a question he knew he shouldn't be asking. "Are you sure you've never been here, Ben?"

"Positive. Why do you ask?"

"You seem very much at ease at a gay bar that caters to men your age."

Ben laughed. "Do I? How am I showing being at ease?"

Gary's face reddened. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine, Gary. Just wondering what you're thinking."

"I'm not going to say more, Ben. I don't want to lose my job."

"Why would you lose your job by asking me a question? You think I'm going to get you fired?"

"I don't want to put myself in a spot where that's a consideration."

"You want to know something, Gary, about me working so hard at my job. I'm scared shitless they'll replace me with a man of your talents and insights. And I'd be out on my ass without a big enough pension to get me through to the end. If anyone's getting fired it's me, not you."

Gary looked at him. "I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks. And if you want to know what I was going to ask I'll tell you. I would have asked if you wanted to come over to my place and listen to music. But that's not really appropriate."

"You're right. But I do know what you're talking about. I'm not offended in the slightest. A bit honored actually. You are a very handsome young man. I have no idea why you'd be interested in a man my age with a belly like I've put on. Let's leave it at that."

"Maybe you didn't notice I'm a bit heavy set myself. I've been trying to live up to my New Year's resolution of losing three pounds a week. In fact, on most Tuesday nights, I'd be at the Y trying to deal with that."

Ben smiled. "Now, you've hit on something that would be very useful to me. I need to take some off myself. How'd you like to be my workout buddy?"

"I'd love that, Ben."

"Good. And while we're at the Y we can shower together and you can see if this fat old body might meet your excellent standards."

Ben hadn't been to see Orvy and Lorraine play for half a year. He missed the experience, but he continued, in part, to use his work as an excuse. He even skipped a conference in the Twin Cities, one he'd normally attend just to see a gig at the Trinity Club. Roland emailed every few weeks just to check in, and he called a few times. Most often Ben was at work and couldn't talk for long or with any intimacy. Though he longed to talk with someone like Roland or even Gary about this lifestyle he continually embraced and then did his best to forget.

He was impressed and even moved by Roland's diligence at staying in touch. He wondered if Orvy knew about it and if this was Orvy's way of seeking him out without doing so directly. He even imagined Orvy standing over Roland's shoulder as he wrote the emails or sitting with him as he made the phone calls. He didn't say much in his email responses as a consequence. His sessions with Alex Crowe had been very useful. He was able to review his hours with Orvy in bed without grimacing. Alex seemed to accept his explanation of atonement and didn't express any doubts about his actions with Orvy as anything more than a gesture of friendship. But Ben was still unable to make any move toward Dan and another date. Nor was he able to not think about the possibilities. Once he resumed with Dan, Dan would tell him he couldn't wait again for such a long stretch of time. They'd make love and Dan would warn him to call again soon.

The episode with Gary at the Maurice's was alarming. He knew he come remarkably close to getting naked with Gary. And what a terrible mistake it would have been. He and Gary met up with some regularity at the Y to work out, something he enjoyed very much. They each pushed each other to do more. They kept track of their weight loss. He had lost eight pounds over two months. But they were the easy ones to take off. He had enough experience over the years to know about the first ten. It had taken several meeting with Gary before Ben showered at the Y with him. He tried very hard not to look at the naked figure of Gary and simply focus on his face. Which was somewhat easy to do since Gary had started growing a beard. Gary claimed he wasn't going to shave it off until he lost twenty pounds. But gradually his resistance to looking at Gary's body wore down. They spent longer times in the group shower talking and looking at each other. He'd go home and usually jack off that night. He knew it was a dangerous situation. Sooner or later he'd break down and follow Gary home. Gary would play Frank Sinatra songs and they'd get naked. It was too predictable. He had to stop meeting him at the Y. He told Gary it was getting too complicated to meet up with his responsibilities at home. He sensed Gary knew it was a lie. Two days later, Gary came to work clean shaven. When his coworkers kidded Gary about the twenty pounds, Gary joked around that he was close enough. And who was counting anyway.

Ben decided to attend a three day conference in Minneapolis. He called Roland when he was free, and Roland eagerly invited him out to the house. Orvy was away for the week at a convention in Cleveland. He was very happy to see Roland's smiling face, and they eagerly embraced. He had declined Roland's dinner invitation. He had been sitting too much at the conference and preferred some exercise. They walked for a few miles in the neighborhood. Upon their return, they sat in the living room. Roland finally asked, "Ben, can I ask you if something has gone wrong? Did either one of us hurt your feelings?"

Ben was taken aback by Roland's directness and said, "I'm still not over what I did with Orvy. It's not about apologizing for what I did so wrong when we were kids, but having sex with him as part of my atonement."

"You wish you hadn't?"

"I'm a big boy. I'm responsible for what I did. It's hard to explain. How's Orvy been?"

"Like a happy kid. It's been years since he's been this ebullient. Dang, it's like you really healed him."

Ben smiled. "That's good to hear. At least one of us came out of that night in good shape."

"Have you seen Dan?"

"Not since we drove back after our stay here. We check in with each other, though I haven't done a good job with that. I feel terrible about ditching him again."

"Sounds complicated."

"Actually, Danny isn't complicated at all. I'm the one who is."

"Bet you miss him."

"Yeah, I miss him when I let myself think about it." Then he laughed. "I miss it a lot. I almost let a guy I work with seduce me. That's how vulnerable I've been in that department."

"Can I interest you in a sauna?"

"Yes, that would be great."

Roland went off to turn the sauna on. In all his many stays, he had never taken one with Roland. There were usually good reasons, not enough time or Orvy didn't want to and it felt awkward to be alone and naked with Roland. Roland had pretty much stopped asking him when Orvy was around. He had subsequently found out that Orvy simply didn't enjoy the experience of getting overheated and cooling down. But Roland was Finnish and had grown up with the experience which often was a communal one. "It will take fifteen minutes. Let me get some bottles of water. It's important to stay hydrated."

Ben had never seen Roland naked or even without a shirt. He was aware how attracted he'd been to him in his early years staying with the two. But he hadn't thought of Roland in that way for more than a year. He didn't really think it was possible for the arousal to kick in. But the two of them had never been together alone in the house with Orvy gone for days.

They showered together then sat on the cedar benches. The warmth felt good. "When you feel you need to leave, take a cold shower. Then sit awhile before round two."

He had the stamina to stay with Roland through the first round and they showered together, rubbing sauna brushes against their skin. When they reentered the sauna, Ben said, "So, tell me how's Orvy been in the sack since our moment. I'm very curious."

"O, my. Our sex life had been on very low energy for about a decade. Which is why, on occasion, we give each other permission to see other men. Which means it's mostly me taking up the opportunity. Orvy just hasn't been that interested. Though I will admit sometimes we talk about men we know and how we're attracted to them and that will get him aroused."

"Different world than I'm used to. Talking about fantasies like that. I'm pleased to hear about it."

"Well, Orvy has been the most passionate he's been in years. Maybe ever, though I have trouble remembering our early days. He wants sex a few times a week. He's always been pretty much a bottom, but some nights he fucks me. Kind of amazing."

"I did that to him?"

"Something happened. Did he fuck you? Is that why he wants me like that now?"

"No. Nothing like that. It was just me giving him an old fashioned blow job done with all the love and remorse I could offer. With lots of foreplay before that explosion."

"Did he get you off?"

"No. I didn't want him to. That night was just for him."

"Wow. That was quite display of love, Ben."

"I tried my best, and it gives me tremendous joy to know he's been revitalized like that. Maybe I did some good."

"I'd say so."

"I was a bit shocked to see him naked. He's quite manly with his hairy chest. And he carries a wonderful tool belt below his waist. I had not seen him naked since we were boys sleeping out in the tent. We sometimes slept naked on warm nights. This was before puberty set in so our cocks were still boyish. But there were no hints he'd turn out like he has."

Roland was laughing. "He's quite proud of it. It's bigger than mine. He claims it's one of the few things he's better at than me. He's a horn of plenty in many respects."

Ben was enjoying this round of the sauna so much that he hardly noticed the heat. Roland poured water on the rocks and the steam penetrated them both. "O, shit, that's deep. Feels so good," Ben said.

They both hurried out and plunged under the cold shower, leaning against the tile walls as they recovered from the heat. "When I was boy, our sauna was near a good sized stream. We'd plunge in after each round. It was amazing."

"Were you naked with the rest of the family?"

"Yes. We didn't invite strangers unless we knew they were sauna people like us. In the old days it was a weekend celebration of cleaning as well. Everyone would soap up and get clean for the week ahead."

"Did you have brothers?"

"Just two sisters. So it was usually us three kids and mom and dad."

"Before puberty, not such a big deal."

"It was a little more complicated when my sisters started to develop."

"Figured so. How did your family handle that?"

"My sisters and my mother had their round first. Dad and I followed after they went up to the house. The ritual lost some of the charm, but it was the decent thing to do. Back in the day, families were bigger so when it was the men's turn, there was more to look at."

"You saw your dad plenty then?"

"Yes, all the time. He was uncut like you. I have no idea why he made the choice to get me circumcised, but he did. We never talked about it. I like both styles. Though seeing yours resting in your skin brings back good memories of Dad."

"Did he ever get hard?"

"Occasionally. Especially when it was just the two of us. He was nothing special in the size department. Smaller than I am. But I sure did enjoy seeing him. When his cock tip poked out of the foreskin. That's still a very nice thing to see. I've rarely been with uncut men since I came out."

Ben looked down at his cock and could see the conversation was stimulating him. Roland's cock was also semi-hard. "You want to go back in?"

"The last one really wore me out. Let's just sit a while. If that's OK," Ben said.

They dried off and sat in reclining chairs in the downstairs area. They were both still naked, though each had a dry towel draped across the front. "You seem wiped out, Ben."

"Didn't sleep that well last night."

"What time do things get rolling at the conference tomorrow?"

"Not until ten. So I can sleep in if I have to."

"Why don't you spend the night here? It's already going on nine."

"All my stuff is back at the motel."

"What do you need other than a toothbrush?"

"You're sure it's all right with you?"

"I'd love to have you. And I'd love to have you in my bed."

Ben looked up at him. "Are you trying to draw even with Orvy?"

Roland laughed. "Not at all. I've admired you from afar for years."

"You like chubby guys like me?"

"You're not that much over what you want to be. Definitely not in the chubby category. I'm not insinuating we need to have sex. Just as friends if that's all it is. But I'd love to kiss you in bed. Just saying."

Ben was silent for several minutes before his voice emanated from the recliner chair. "OK, Roland. Yes, to question number one, I'd love to spend the night. Yes, to proposition number two, I'd love to sleep with you. And probably yes to possibility number three, though I'm still formulating my answer. That work for you?"

"Very much. Let's me shut things down at the sauna. Do you need another cold water shower to wake you up?"

"Do you recommend it?"

"Drink the other bottle of water and join me in the shower."

They soaped up well. Ben wanted to soap Roland, but held back. He was still unsure if he should allow himself to get aroused with him. He brushed his teeth in the ensuite bathroom in the master bedroom, naked all the while. He was reminded of all the nudity he and Dan had enjoyed at the cabin at Lake Superior. It all felt perfectly natural with Roland as well. He recalled the side of the bed that Orvy slept on and took that side of the bed. Roland settled in next to him. Ben took his hand. "Thank you so much. I didn't expect anything when I called you earlier. And now here we are enjoying our friendship on a new level. I'm very relaxed from the sauna."

"I'd like to talk for a while if you're up to it," Roland said.

"I'll be better at answering questions rather than asking, if that's ok."

"I'll bet that's Dan's role, too."

Ben chuckled. "O, God, fucking Danny is the best at interviewing me. He's a professional. Not that you might not be, Roland."

"Tell me about you two. Are you good lovers?"

"We had a tricky beginning. I seduced him, if you can believe it, about nine years ago and then I freaked out. Then we got together again and again during Ellie's illness. He's a great lover and made me understand what loving a man is meant to be."

"He was experienced?"

"Not at all. Like me, a rookie. It was a combination of authentic passion and natural instincts. We've tried most of it. It was all good. I can't say enough about him as a person and a lover."

"Then why are you not seeing him anymore?"

"As I said, it's too complicated. I had to bow out for a while."

"That mean you'll be back together or it's over?"

"I don't know. That's part of why I recently went back to therapy. To discover what I am, I suppose. Can I juggle this thing year after year? Or should I just let it go and deal with my desires in private."

Roland rubbed Ben's chest. "Is that OK?"

Ben chuckled. "More than OK. Are you trying to get me to answer your last proposition in your favor?"

"A little. I'm just trying to know you this way. Just you and me. No Orvy and all your baggage with him hanging around."

They kissed lightly, their lips barely brushing each other. "I feel quite heavenly, after the sauna, away from home in this familiar yet new environment. Like I can say or do anything. It's very liberating."

"Tell me about your friend at work you almost seduced?"

"It's probably more accurate that he came close to seducing me. He's thirty-three. I'm his boss. He's second in command after me in HR. He told me he's gay and it's pretty clear he likes older men. After work a few weeks ago, we went out for a burger at a gay bar he frequents, and that is frequented by men my age and older."

"Are you drawn to him physically?"

"Let me complete the story and you can guess. We teased each other and I didn't say anything about my experiences. Other than I understood what he was suggesting when he asked me to go home with him and listen to Frank Sinatra music."

Roland laughed out loud. "Man, you are a sucker for that kind of music. I'm surprised you didn't go back to his place."

"Are you suggesting I don't have any self-control?" Ben said, lightly pinching Roland's nipple.

"Ouch. I'd never suggest that," Roland laughed.

"I didn't go. We're both trying to drop some pounds, so I suggested we meet at the Y and become workout buddies."

"Sensible suggestion."

"Sounds sensible but now I get to see him naked in the shower whenever we meet. I go home and jack off with those thoughts. I had to stop going to the Y."

Roland laughed again. "You have a great sense of humor, Ben. I like experiencing it with just the two of us. You're sure it's OK with me rubbing your chest."

"It feels very fine. I am doing my best not to get naked with Gary. Out of self-preservation. The two lead actors in the HR department having an affair wouldn't be good for either one of our resumes."

"Maybe if you were having some meetings with Dan, you wouldn't be so susceptible."

"You're absolutely correct. This desire for men is in me. I can't just tell it to go away. I've learned that much. The challenge is the juggling. Or do what you did years ago and leave your marriage. But I can't do that."

"Maybe I can be your Dan substitute tonight. Is Gary at the conference with you?"

"Yes, dammit. He is. In the room just down the hall from me. He even suggested we go to dinner tonight or tomorrow. Which is one reason I was happy to visit you."

They kissed again. This time longer and their tongues tasted each other. Roland rubbed Ben's belly and touched his cock. "O, my, a leaker. I don't much, but Orvy, as you discovered, is, too.

Ben rolled into Roland and kissed him deeper, letting his passions run full. "Make love with me, Roland. I've missed it so much. With a man like you."

They kissed and touched each other for an hour before they tasted each other's cock. Ben rolled between Roland's thighs and licked his balls and below all the way to his ass, then back up along the underside of his shaft. His cock was veiny and had swollen to Ben's thickness. "Lovely cock, my friend. I've wondered for years what it looked like. I've undressed you many times. Did you know that?" Ben said.

Ben resumed licking as Roland mostly moaned. "I hoped you longed for it. I did for yours. I tried to get a peek of you naked several times when you were in the shower. I popped in and asked if you needed anything."

"Yeah, I recall. I was thrilled you were such an accommodating host. It wouldn't have been appropriate with Orvy around, but I wished you had joined me."

They traded places and Ben enjoyed Roland's attentions. It was so remarkable how each pair of lips and a tongue could handle him differently. He was learning how it varied. He didn't want to compare Roland to anyone else. But his mood made him think of Dan as he often did when he was masturbating and visualizing moments like this. He had thought of Dan when he sucked Orvy. It was so easy to do. He loved Dan, but as Dan had said to him so astutely the last time they talked: "I won't make any promises or expect you to keep any." Their lives had gone in different directions since that drive home from the Twin Cities. Here he was with Roland, enjoying something he thought he had sworn not to do again on that drive. And it felt so immensely pleasurable he knew that it had become something within him just like it was for Dan. It wasn't linked to just his love for Dan, but to his desire for the naked body of a man he enjoyed. His sessions with Alex Crowe had pointed him in this direction. Of acceptance. And now, with Roland, he was experiencing a test case. And enjoying it.

He was lost in these thoughts as the pleasure meter in his body was soaring high. "Ben?"

His response was a long moan and the simple utterance, "Yeah?"

"Nothing. I thought you had fallen asleep."

"No. I'm just in a very altered frame of mind. Thoughts and sensations are rushing through my head. You are treating me so well."

The sensations reminded him of his session with Dan under the northern lights. When he closed his eyes now, he saw the vibrating colors. Roland slid up to him and they kissed again, over and over. "Damn, you are a wonderful kisser. Maybe the best I've sampled. Don't tell Orvy any of this."

They both laughed. They traded body positions so they could easily take each other at the same time. Roland lathered Ben's ass with lube and handed Ben the bottle. They sucked and fingered each other until they had reached the edge. "I can't go much longer, Ben."

"Me either. Let's take each other and kiss before we swallow."

Their explosions followed and they quickly rotated so they could kiss each other and exchange the semen. They held each other as they slipped away into sleep. Ben woke a while later to shift positions, and Roland was snoring lightly, his ass toward Ben. Before Ben fell back to sleep, he touched Roland's cheeks and slipped his finger to his ass. It was still moist with the lube. He turned away and smiled.

When Ben woke again, it was nearly six. Roland was looking at him, eyes wide open. "Hope you weren't looking at me all night long."

"No. Just woke myself. I was thinking. Why don't you come back after your conference ends today? Spend another night with me. I could make you supper."

"I'd like to. I need to have dinner with Gary. Then I'll drive over."

"No need to think it over? Maybe a rush of bad feelings might emerge? Waves of second guessing?"

"I won't have any. I've experienced enough to know the difference between what we just did and what happened with Orvy."

"Good. Go shower and I'll fix some coffee. You can be on your way whenever you need to."

Gary stopped him on the way to the first morning session of the conference. "You OK? I tried to reach you for supper but you were unavailable."

"An old friend called. He invited me to see him."

"Nice. How about tonight?"

"Sure bet. The last session ends at four. Let's meet in the restaurant in the hotel at five."

Gary was full of enthusiasm over the knowledge he had gained over the first two days. It was his first national conference and he wanted to share his insights. Ben, on the other hand, had been thinking about Roland for most of the day and wasn't much use in contributing to the conversation. Gary paused. "You OK? Hope I'm not boring you."

"Sorry, a bit tired."

Gary laughed at him. "That's not fatigue talking, man. I know blissful distraction when I see it. Usually that comes from only a few things in this world," Gary said, as though he were as old and wise as one of the men he enjoyed bedding down. "I thought you might want to do something with me tonight, but I can see your mind is elsewhere engaged."

"I'm meeting my friend again later tonight. And it's nothing sexual. But I do appreciate your sense of humor."

"Can I ask what happened to our partnership at the Y?"

"Just hasn't worked out for me. Timing hasn't been right."

"I can be quite flexible about the timing, you know."

Ben smiled, full of admiration at how Gary was working him. "Gary, you've developed very effective social skills. I'm impressed."

"Not sure what you mean."

"It wouldn't be good for either of us to go any further with what we started. I think you know what I mean."

Gary smiled. "Two fags in HR getting together."

"Something like that. Additionally, my life is far too complicated for me to start anything with you."

"Do you find me appealing in any way?"

"I love working with you. I'd be very disappointed to lose you. But you've got a good chance to be in my position very soon. And down the road, I'm sure you will find something that will far exceed what we're doing in our business. You don't want any type of scandal holding you back."

Gary nodded in understanding. "I've thought about that, too. About not shitting in your own backyard sort of thing. Have I gone too far this time?"

"Not at all. I enjoy our chats."

"You don't mind me teasing you about you know what?"

"Not at all. And if anyone asks me if you were ever inappropriate with me, I'll always tell them no. You haven't been. Let's keep it that way."

"Have you given up with the weight loss challenge?"

"It's my lifelong challenge, Gary. Might be for you, too. Given your build is not unlike mine. It's easy for both of us to put on pounds." Ben smiled. "And just so you know, I did very much admire you in the shower room."

Gary laughed. "Well, you just made my day. Because I think about you too often. In a very good way. I might sneak up to my room when we're done and do a little fantasy play. If you don't mind me doing that on company time."

Ben burst out laughing. "Gary, you are a wonderful tease. Let's keep that part of our relationship on the DL. And I'd like to resume our partnership in the gym. It was really working for me."

"That's a date," Gary said.

Ben took a walk, and an hour later back in his hotel room he stretched out for a short nap. But when he woke, an hour had elapsed. Two texts from Roland wondering where he was lit his screen. When he responded with the query "Is it too late to come over," Roland affirmed he was eagerly waiting for him. Roland greeted him in his robe, and Dan had no doubt what was underneath. Roland led him by the hand to the bedroom. "I assume you don't need another sauna."

"You're heading in the right direction," Ben said. "I've been thinking about round two all day. How about you?"

They kissed eagerly as soon as they reached the bedroom. "I was totally distracted all day, too. Wondering if this was the right thing to do on the one hand. On the other, not caring because the passion was so intense from last night."

Roland stripped him down to just his trousers. He played with Ben's nipples, kissing them and plucking them like he was playing soft music on guitar strings. Ben moaned. "Jesus, Roland. Dan never did it like that. Let me pee real quick."

Before he released him, Roland removed Ben's trousers. He was wearing tight boxer briefs that outlined his bulge. "O, boy, that's beautiful."

When Ben came out from the bathroom, Roland was lying on the bed, with the sheets pulled back still in just his robe. Ben joined him and unfastened the belt on the robe. Roland had slipped on boxer briefs that fit him tightly. They kissed again and Roland flung the robe to the carpet. The kissing was almost violently passionate in its intensity. Their tongues flared and flickered like a machine. As though nothing would satisfy them. After ten minutes of touching and kissing, they finally slowed, took deep breaths, and held each other. "Wow, that was almost like an orgasm in its intensity," Ben said.

"It's been a long time since I was that aroused--from the moment you entered the house," Roland said. "Let's slow down for a few minutes. Anything I should know about your day?"

"I had dinner with my work pal, Gary. He wondered why I was so distracted as he filled me on what he had learned at the sectionals he'd attended. Then he implied that I had the distracted look of a man who'd just had fabulous sex."

Roland laughed. "Is he usually that insightful?"

"He's pretty clever. And he's been with enough men over his short life time that he knows what he's talking about. We teased back and forth and agreed to meet at the Y and resume our workouts. I could have gone to his room so easily."

"What are going to do about him?"

"I told him I can't be with him," but then he laughed, "Maybe I'll have to get him fired to save myself."

Roland laughed. "Be careful. When desire is flaming like this, we can do some very stupid things."

"You think!" Ben laughed.

They kissed again, this time with just a steady passion. "You feel good in underwear like this, Ben. It's not your usual style."

"I've been a boxer guy forever. But Dan and I had some fun with underwear. Sometimes we wore jocks and really skimpy briefs. I even wore his briefs a few times. They were too small for my big ass but sexy because of that."

"I grew up wearing tighty-whities. It's been fun adjusting with new styles. I often go commando in summer."

"What did your dad wear out at the sauna?"

"Boxers most of the time. I would rummage in his underwear drawer sometimes. He had a few pair of tighter briefs. I'd wear them once in a while as a kid."

"Did they fit?"

"Too loose but when I was in midst of the puberty, wearing them brought on incredible erections. I was hard all the time when I was thirteen."

"Did you date girls much before you were married?"

"Almost never. I was your classic repressed closet homosexual. When my marriage fell apart in my later twenties, I was hard all the time again, like I was when I was thirteen. It was embarrassing. Orvy thought it very amusing. I developed a terrible case of premature ejaculation. Even went to therapy for it. Finally, about three years into my relationship with Orvy, it was like I took an enormously deep breath and my cock finally slowed down. I've been fine ever since."

Ben felt Roland's cock and balls through the stretched out fabric. "I want you."

He slid down beneath Roland's thighs and licked him over and over through the fabric. Roland moaned and finally said, "Release me. Please."

Roland's cock seemed bigger than the night before. "Wow, did you grow a bit since I saw you last."

Roland laughed. "That would be a dream come true."

Ben licked him everywhere, his inner thighs, through the hairs the coated the area where his thighs reached his balls. Along his tight testicles, up and down the shaft, he rolled Roland over and licked his modestly hairy ass cheeks. He opened the cheeks and licked him from his hole through the taint up to his balls. Ben was so excited yet in such a rhythm that he had forgotten he was still wearing his underwear. He could feel Roland's fingers yanking on the elastic band and moved closer to Roland so he could peel the shorts off. Roland immediately touched his ass and surges of electricity wound through Ben as Roland probed with his finger. "O, God, would you please?"

"Please what?"

"I discovered with Dan how much I like to have a man inside me. When you touched me there, you brought back that desire."

"If you are sure. It's only our second date."

"I was thinking about it all day. Sitting on those thinly cushioned chairs. Don't do it if you don't want. I'm just telling you what my ass is saying," Ben laughed.

"You have an amazing ass. It's so fleshy. So different than Orvy's. I've watched it for years when you've stayed here. Wanting to rip off your pants and touch it."

Roland rubbed his ass cheeks from behind as Ben lay on his belly on the bed. Roland moved slowly inside the cheeks, holding them apart, and rubbing Ben's ass. "I'm very, very sensitive in that area, around my hole."

"A man to man discovery?"

"Yes, absolutely."

Ben gasped as Roland rubbed there. "I cleaned out before I left the hotel. Hoping you might be interested."

"Me, too, in case you want to flip later."

Roland played there, gradually lubing the area, and probing with his fingers. Ben pushed himself up to his hands and knees and shifted to the edge of the bed. Roland's cock slid between his cheeks and along his hole and taint, until it stopped right at the hole. "How long has it been?"

"Since my last time with Dan. Up at Lake Superior. Last summer."

"You feel tight. Sure it's OK?"

"Yes. I want you to take me."

Roland pushed gently and popped in. "Wait there a few minutes. Let me get used to it again."

When he recaptured his breath and felt comfortable, Ben pushed back and took Roland. Halfway, then as far as it would go. "O, God, it's so big. It will take me a minute, Roland."

"No rush. It feels amazing. The tightness is so good."

Ben began to push his ass back on Roland's cock prompting Roland to pull and push. He was a much more assertive top than Dan had been. Soon he was pushing vigorously, shouting I'm getting close. "Don't hold back, Roland."

And then he shot and filled Ben's ass. Roland partially collapsed onto Ben's back and ass, as his cock slipped out. "My God, that was intense. Sorry I came so quickly. I couldn't stop. Want me to wipe you off?"

Ben reached to his ass and took a handful of cum and rolled onto his back rubbing the cum onto his belly. He pulled Roland to his chest and kissed his forehead. "You falling asleep on me?"

"I might. I often do."

"Go ahead if you want to."

"It won't be for long. Then you can come inside me if you want."

Within five minutes, Roland was snoring. Ben touched his cock still wet with the precum Roland had forced out of him. His mind was racing. Images of Dan and Gary and Roland plunged into both eyes and out his ears. Orvy didn't make an appearance, something he was grateful for. He wasn't tired though it was easy to close his eyes and let these images take hold of him. Thoughts of Maureen and the other women he had been with his life had no place here. As though they had seen the "no trespassing" signs and obeyed them. He chuckled at the fortune of meeting Roland alone for these two days. These might be the only times they would ever be free to meet up. He would never do anything like this with Orvy in the house, even if Roland claimed that Orvy had given him permission. Music played in his head. Sinatra singing "In the Wee Small Hours" and Loraine singing "Every Time We Say Goodbye." It was joy and sadness at the same time. He felt like himself for the first time since his night with Orvy. Though he knew it was temporary and he had other things to work out. Things that might take years. But for this moment, while his lover rested on his chest, he felt content. He felt Roland's fingers playing with his balls and he spread his thighs for him. Roland's fingers rubbed through his still lubed taint tickling his hairy balls. He tugged lightly on a few of the hairs and Ben moaned. "That feels good. Do it some more."

Roland licked his balls until they were completely saturated. This was new, simulating his testicles for such a long time. He was so gentle with his tongue and lips. When he took each of his testicles into his mouth, there was not a bit of discomfort. Ben's cock sprang to complete attention. "Wow, that feels sensational."

Roland sat up and positioned his ass toward Ben. Ben lubed and fingered him then Roland repositioned himself so he was straddling Ben, his ass teasing the knob of Ben's cock. Ben was so erect that he slid in easily. "You are ready for me."

"Orvy's been working me over, stretching me out. As recently as last week."

Ben hadn't realized Roland had taken him all the way inside until Roland rose and slid down on his cock. "Have you and Dan done it in this position?"

"No. Just with women. But this feels amazing. Thank you."

Roland rose and fell over and over. Ben had no idea how long Roland controlled his cock during this fucking until he was reaching the point of no going back. "I'm getting close."

"Me, too. Feel me."

Roland's cock was hard again and leaking. "Thought you didn't have precum?"

"You've done it to me."

Roland squeezed down on Ben with his ass muscles and Ben moaned. "If you do that again, you might flip the switch."

"Hold on for as long as you can. I'll keep doing it. Let me get a rhythm."

Roland squeezed him more than twenty times alternating with a quick rise and fall. Ben held on as long as he could until he shouted, "O, fuck. O, fuck."

He released like he hadn't ever in his life. Spurts shot into Roland who was busy jacking himself until he shot his jizz onto Ben's chest. A few shots landed on Ben's cheeks. Roland laughed. "I haven't shot that far in decades."

Roland collapsed into Ben's arms. Ben held him like the lover he needed until they both fell asleep. Ben woke sometime in the night and felt Roland stretched next to him, his ass against his cock. Ben touched his ass and felt the cum he had deposited there a few hours earlier. He rubbed it against Roland's ass cheeks and fell back to sleep.

On the ride back to Madison, later that afternoon, Gary was initially very chatty. Ben, loaded up on coffee, was driving though very distracted. "Good conference, all things considered?" Gary asked.

"It was fine. Much like the previous ones. No complaints. Our work can be a minefield, as we witnessed with our scenario of gay harassment."

"We could have presented a sectional just as good as the one I attended on diversity."

"What did you do last night after dinner?"

"I saw you heading out for a walk right after. Figured you wanted to be alone."

"I did. I came back and fell asleep."

"I went out to a gay bar. Looked online for one that caters to older men."

"How was it?"

"Very nice. I met someone."

"As in you chatted with a guy for an hour or two. Or something more?"

"Quite a bit more than that. Very nice man. About your age. Lawyer. Smart guy, fun to talk to."

"And?"

"We went home together. To his place a few miles outside the city."

"Wow. Did you do more than listen to Sinatra?"

"He likes Sinatra. He played me some music by lady singers. Like Billy Holliday. Stuff I'm familiar with. He had an old CD with a local group. They have a singer named Lorraine Duggins."

Ben whipped his head toward Gary almost yanking the steering wheel toward the ditch. "I know about her. Where did he get the CD?"

"It's out of print, apparently. From years ago. When she was singing in Chicago. Great voice."

"Did he tell you she sings locally in the Cities every weekend?"

"Yeah, he sees her regularly."

Ben wondered if he had seen the man at one of the performances, then realized Lorraine had thousands of fans all over the Twin Cities area. "Have you seen her sing, Ben?"

"O, yeah. She is unbelievable. The group is unbelievable. She changed my attitude toward music. I wasn't always a fan of the standards."

"I wondered about that. I came to it through a friend in Ohio."

"Friend or lover?"

"Both. My first real lover. He mentored me well. About a lot of things."

They let the hum of the interstate carry them for the next twenty minutes. "You ever been in love, Ben?"

"Of course. I was married to the love of my life. And now I'm in love with Maureen, whom you've met."

"Yes, nice lady. I like her. But I mean with a man?"

"Like my dad or brother?"

Gary smiled. "No, boss, not like your dad or brother."

"Why are you even asking?"

"Because we're kind of friends. Beyond being work associates. I thought you might tell me."

"Let me turn it around. How about you?"

"I was partnered for five years, and I think for three of the five I was in love with him."

"What was his name?"

"Lance. In the first year I was still getting to know him and he was still dating other guys. And in the last year, he resumed seeing other men, so I became a bitter towards him. But in the middle I was in love. And it felt just great."

"Did it hurt to lose it?"

"Yeah. It was mixed with anger because he was cheating on us. But now that I'm no longer angry at him, sometimes I still miss him."

"Sorry."

"But I'm the eternal optimist. Last night was the best first date I've ever had."

"What's his name?"

"Paul."

"Will you see him again?"

"Hope so. He sent me three texts today. Let me read one: `Hi Gary. I didn't think I could be impressed by someone your age. Ever again. When you sang along to those Gershwin songs with me, I almost melted. I want to see you again. If for no other reason than to make sure you are real and last night was not a phantasm. Thanks for not being too pushy when we got physical. That part will take me a while'."

Ben was impressed. It could have been a note he might have sent to Dan. The note he'd sent to Roland a few hours ago wasn't nearly as sweet. "That's a very nice note, Gary. Thanks for sharing. I mean it."

"I thought you might be impressed. But I don't take you for someone who is attracted to younger guys. Am I right?"

"Gary, Gary, Gary. I don't want to talk about that. I'm trying to establish appropriate boundaries with us. I like you. And I'm very happy to be sitting here talking."

Gary laughed. "I didn't expect you to answer. Thought I'd give it a try anyway. I told Paul about you."

"That you have an unrelenting campaign going to seduce me?"

Gary laughed so hard he almost started choking. "Now that's rich, boss. Very rich."

They were both smiling, amused by the interplay that seemed to arise so easily when they chatted casually. "I told Paul how lucky I am that you're my boss. And that you like music like Paul was playing."

"Fair enough."

"But then he asked me if I was trying to seduce you?" Gary said.

This time it was Ben who laughed heartily. "I told him I had no chance. And that you would break my heart if we got anywhere," Gary said.

"Now, why would you say a thing like that?"

"Because I can tell you're in love. I have very strong feelings about that."

Ben finally said. "Aren't you tired from your late night? Needing some sleep? Something that will get you to shut up."

Gary chuckled. "As a matter of fact, I do need some sleep. You don't have to tell me anything about him. But I can tell your heart is so big that it feels love easily and you don't want to lose it."

"Are you some fucking savant?"

"You're not the first person to say that about me. Regarding matters of the heart. I'm quite skilled at feeling things like this. And I'm really happy you are my friend. Whether you know you are or not. And I'm not being impertinent, boss. We have a connection."

Ben shook his head and smiled. Maybe the kid was, in fact, a fucking savant. He talked like one. Ben realized how much he liked him. Gary had closed his eyes. Ben reached over and patted his hand. "Sweet dreams, my friend."