by Steve Snow
I'm in a quandary - I have the best gaydar of any I know but I just can't get laid. When it comes to identifying gay folks in a crowd, I have a pretty good track record. This is helpful when you want to find a kindred soul to have a good time with out and about or to share thoughts and dreams with. But when it comes to getting down to it, I almost never succeed. I think I know why this happens: I'm patient to a fault and I get a little too passive for my own good. I don't have the skills to close the deal. I guess I'm just not one of those take charge guys. It's not that I absolutely NEVER get laid, but the occasions are few and far between. It's like I only end up with a guy by accident where I'm the only one in the right place at the right time. Pretty long odds and a lot of nights in a chilly, lonely bed. Still, it's been pretty interesting even so.
I'm contemplating this as I'm walking along and I stumble across this guy who is just crying his eyes out... and he's setting my 'dar off like crazy. I'm intrigued but concerned... What am I getting myself into? I sit down next to him and nod his way hoping he'll calm down enough to talk. He springs a leak even stronger than before! Perhaps I should just leave him to himself to cry it out. But I just sit it out with him for a while. He finally slows down enough to take a good breath but he's still sobbing between breaths. I think now might be my only chance to get a word in.
When I was a young man, a mentor of mine explained an important truth: If you want a group of people to pay attention to what you have to say, don't yell at them; don't talk down to them... Speak to them in a friendly manner and use humor where appropriate, but speak softly. They will strain to hear you but this makes the mind automatically more receptive to what you have to say... It's as if what you're saying takes on more importance just because you said it quietly. I've observed that this really works. So, I was determined to use this technique on my leaky fellow here on the bench. After all, I didn't want to disturb him too much and start the rinse cycle all over again.
"I don't mean to impose, but I hoped you could tell me if I'm walking in the right direction to get to my bus? Is the bus stop this way?"
He nodded and pointed in the direction I had been walking. Now you and I know that I didn't give two good shits about the bus stop but this was my opening gambit and it seemed to be working. I clasped his hand in mine and said in my best meddling little old man imitation:
"You're so kind. I hope whatever is bothering you isn't too serious?"
He shook his head 'no'.
I said: "I think I may have missed the next bus anyway. I have a while to wait for the following one, so if you don't mind, I'd like to spend some more time here with you. Would that be OK?"
He gestured his head 'yes' and looked a little brighter at the prospect and for my attention. I was still holding onto his hand while I said this and I patted it with my free hand in response.
"Thank you... I wonder what would have a handsome young man like you so upset? You appear to be in good health and it's a glorious day today. It must be something I can't see; is that it?"
He nods 'yes'.
"I understand."
I take a long pause as if I'm pondering this question and I am somewhat but I'm also framing my next question carefully: "Let me take a wild guess... You feel very strongly for another young man and you're having a hard time expressing to him the way you feel. Is that right?"
"H-h-how?"
"I think it's because I'm a pretty good judge of character. You're having trouble expressing your feelings to him because you get tongue-tied, right?"
He looks as if he's going to cry again so I plunge on before he can. "There is a solution to that you know."
He looks at me with some surprise in his eyes and I can see he wants to know more. "You have to fix it in your mind that what you need to say is of no importance at all. Just like reading a laundry list. I'm sure you could get through that. It's the importance you place on the words you want to say that makes it difficult to say them."
I can see that he's disappointed now so I push on.
"But there is another technique you can use immediately that can help right now."
He looks up at this. "Write your feelings down. You won't have any problem with that, I'm sure. People used to do this all the time once. They'd write a letter. We've forgotten that lost art. But just write down what you want to say and give that to the gentleman in question. If he is so shallow that he rejects you once he can read what is so clearly in your heart, that's his loss."
I can see the idea has energized him. I lean close to his ear and add: "If so, then I say fuck him. He doesn't deserve you!"
He instantly gives me this pouty face and I squeeze his hand and say: "Brighten up. I'm so glad I met you. It gives me a rare chance to meddle in somebody else's life for a change. You're so sweet."
He smiles at this. I say: "Now that the storm has passed, could we introduce ourselves? I'm Todd."
I shake his hand which I'm still attached to. He says "G-Geoff."
"Well, Geoff, It's a pleasure to meet you. I insist you must call me and let me know how it goes with your friend one way or the other. Do you have a pad and pen?"
He produces a scrap of paper but I need to provide the pen. I give him the number and say: "Call me once you get home. I really want to know. You'll do that won't you?"
He nods yes and I wish him good luck. I walk down the street thinking about what has just happened. I'm excited for Geoff and I know that he's embarking on one of the most exciting times that anybody can experience. Yes, it's scary offering your heart to someone else, but it can be the beginning of so much. I'm looking forward to his call.
It's late evening and I'm starting to think about bed. Then the phone rings. The phone here never rings at night but I remember Geoff and I presume it's him. I pick up the phone and say hello. I'm greeted by this muted, pained sound like a wail but so much softer and somehow, more personal. It's clear from the first that it has gone badly. I start to talk to him: "Geoff?"
He sucks in some air so I'm pretty sure it's him. "Geoff, I feel so bad for you. It didn't go as you'd hoped, did it?" The sound wavered in a painful acknowledgement, I imagine. "Please hang in there. The pain will go away."
I can hear him trying to form a word but he's exasperated that it's not coming out. He's sucking in a breath and whimpering with the effort. Finally I hear: "F--f--fuck him!"
"Congratulations, Geoff. That's the first baby step towards healing. If I was there right now I'd just wrap you in my arms and hold you until the pain was gone. You've taken the first step."
"P-p-please?"
"What's that?"
The next sound was very plaintive and expressed a lot of pain: "P-p-pleeease?"
"Geoff, are you saying you want me to come there?"
"Unh-huh."
"But I don't know where you are."
"N-n-number..."
"Oh, I can use the number to find the address... is that what you mean?"
"Unh-huh."
"OK, Geoff, I'll look it up. I do have the number and if I have any trouble I'll call you back. Please be well and try to feel better and I'll be there as soon as I can."
I look up Geoff by the number on the 'net a couple of different ways and I have a fair confidence that I have the right address. I drive over there and ring what I assume is the right bell. He buzzes me in and I proceed to the apartment door. I knock and he greets me at the door. I can see by his red eyes that he's been crying for a long while and he grabs me and holds on for dear life. I manage to get him back into the apartment and get the door closed. I walk him over to the couch and we sit down together but soon he has scrambled up onto my lap. I do wrap him up in my arms and hold him tight and kiss his cheek and try to comfort him as he lets out all his pain at once. We are in that same position for at least a half-hour, me comforting him and brushing his hair and touching his face and kissing his cheek. He is responding and his tears have almost stopped but he is still wracked by the occasional deep sob and the labored
intake of air. I figure it is time to move the process along further and I say to him gently:
"Geoff, do you have the letter you wrote to him?"
He nods.
"Could I read it?"
He nods again. He slowly gets up and stretches just a little and walks over toward his computer and I follow him over there. He sits down in the computer chair and hands me a sheet of paper over his shoulder. I kneel down just behind him and start to read. This is the most sincere expression of affection and desire I could imagine. He has expressed clearly and very well just what he wanted from his friend and I'm amazed by the power of it. He came up to the edge but wisely did not go overboard and declare his feelings as love but came as close to that as he could. Once I finish reading I say to him:
"Geoff, if I'd received such a letter I can't imagine not being moved. This is so wonderful and full of your feelings. You've done an outstanding job." He nodded his thanks and reached out and pressed a button on the keyboard and an additional sheet of paper came out from his printer. He handed it to me and I start to read:
Dearest Todd,
I wrote the letter you just read to YOU! Now, I must confess, I wrote the letter originally to he whose name will never be spoken (fuck him!) but I realized while I was writing it that the same emotions, the same needs, the same desires apply to you as well, maybe more deeply. I want you so much that I just can't stand it! Please consider it. With all my heart,
Geoffrey
All of a sudden, I am hog-tied! He has used my own words to create his delicious trap for me. He knew I would react this way and I just strolled into it. Meanwhile I am warmed to the core thinking he feels this way about me. I'm standing there with my mouth open, about to object. I'm about to say 'but I'm old enough to be your father' but I never get the chance. Instead, Geoff hears me sputtering and puts his finger to his lips and makes a Shhh sound. Then in the next instant, I hear in his very distinctive voice: "Shut up, Dad."
He has his back to me still but this shocks me several ways. First, he's said this without the slightest interruption; clear as a bell. I've never heard him speak this way. Second, he's said it with no hint of disrespect. He's said it with the utmost love and affection. It takes my breath away.
I say: "Did you just call me dad?"
He nods and starts to type on the keyboard. I watch over his shoulder and place my hands on them while I read. He snuggles under my hands and I can see he likes the contact.
I read:
I never met my father. My mom raised me as a single mother. I tried to ask several times but she wouldn't budge. Perhaps she was trying to protect me. Perhaps she didn't know. I always hoped I'd meet him anyway. I don't think it will ever happen. I hope you'll step into that role for me. I've already started to think of you that way. I hope you don't mind?
I say "Geoff, I'd be honored."
I'm so glad that he interrupted me before I shot off my mouth. What I would have said was disrespectful of Geoff's feelings and dismissive of his notion and I regretted even thinking that way. But still, I'm confused. These are two very different roles he wants me to play. How can I reconcile the two? I'm also worried and I try to put this all into words:
"Geoff, you need to let me talk now. I'm so full of emotion. I would be proud to call you my son. I've never experienced the embrace of a woman so, of course, that would be impossible. If I did have a son, I would hope he would be exactly what you have become. As to the other role you seem to want for me. it troubles me a bit. I can foresee some times when the two would come into conflict... my responsibility as your honorary father might be at odds with my desires as your partner. It would require that at some times I would need to think of you as something other than my son. With the honor of acting in the former capacity, I would feel somewhat dishonorable thinking carnal thoughts about you. It's not very parental."
Geoff puts up his hand to answer me this way, on his screen:
When there is any conflict in the roles, I would want you to let the dad be foremost. I know some times I will need guidance and possibly discipline. I expect you will do that job as I would want you to do it. When that is no longer at issue, I will want you to act in the other role. Remember that there is no possibility of incest as you have already said. The responsibilities of my partner will only involve allowing me to find pleasure in your body and for you to find the same in mine. I'm sure you will be up to the challenge of the two roles. I trust you to make the right decisions... Remember, too, that making no decision is also a decision.
I take all this in and see he's thought about this a lot.
I finish up with two thoughts I have left: "Geoff, I also wanted to talk to you about two additional things... First, you seem very bitter toward your friend. That's no way for us to start out a new life together. I want you to carefully consider your anger towards him and to promise me you will start to think about forgiving him. You'll feel much better about yourself and we'll start on a much better foundation once you are able to find it in your heart to forgive."
I wait and through misty eyes he nods his agreement.
"The other thing is I want to be sure there is no element of rebound in your plan. I want to be sure you aren't doing this as a way of punishing your friend; making him suffer in some way?"
"N-n-no."
"Fine. I believe you about everything and that's because I trust you."
He starts to type:
I would really like to talk to my partner now...
"Of course. What would you like to say?"
He grabs my hand and places it over his crotch. I can detect the firmness therein and that is all I need to know. "Message received."
He crooks his finger toward me and takes my hand and leads me toward the bedroom.
While he's leading me forward, I'm eying him up-and-down. He seems taller than I remember. He also seems to be somehow fuller with broader shoulders. I assumed from the first that he was more diminutive than I'm seeing him now before me. It looks to me that once he has taken charge he is holding himself more upright, not concealing his true size but showing it proudly. On impulse, I turn him to face me and I can see he's almost the same height as me. My first impulse is to kiss him on the forehead but I can see that just won't do. So, I pull him into me and kiss him full on the mouth instead. He responds to this as if I've ignited him. He kisses me back with passion and abandon. Our tongues are playing tag and I'm starting to believe this is really going to happen! Before we collapse into a heaving puddle on the floor I spin him back the way we were facing before and slap him on the bum and try to propel him
forward. I drape my arm over his shoulders and he does the same to me. We're on the way now. For a while, I can put away the dad and let the lover emerge, I find. My worries fly away.
By the time we arrive in the bedroom, I've made up my mind that tonight is Geoff's night. He will call all the shots. First I gesture that he should undress me. He seems to be willing and sets about his work with enthusiasm. Once he has my chest bare, he plants his right hand over my heart and there it will stay. It's a little awkward but I see what he is saying. He continues to undress me and I only assist when needed. Soon I'm completely nude and he gestures that it's my turn. I start out with the same enthusiasm as he did but I'm finding I'm getting distracted with each revelation. With each layer I remove I find something I like. I linger a little on each new revelation and kiss, nibble and lick at each part I can see. When I get to removing his shirt, I need to remove it off his hand which he's attached to my chest. I look into his eyes and he thinks about it and gestures with his finger that he's thought of
something. He takes his left hand and places it over my heart with the right, then he removes the right hand just long enough to allow me to remove his shirt sleeve. So it goes for each layer. I'm trying to turn this into our foreplay because I figure once things heat up, foreplay will be out the window. I'm getting down to the end and just before the finale of his passive strip tease I am caressing his thighs which I find particularly appealing. Now it's time to finish the job and I'm torn. I know I need to remove his last garment but I also know I want this moment to last. I decide I will take just a second to place a kiss over his heart as a nod to his most romantic gesture then I hook my fingers into the waistband of his underwear and allow them to drop to his ankles. By now he's fully erect and his dick makes a glorious sight. I need to take a second to take it all in and for the thought to gel in my head that I'm the
luckiest guy in the whole world tonight. I gesture to him that I'm overwhelmed and what I see is exceptional. He smiles back and now he is starting to push me back towards the bed. He sits me down on the edge of the bed and pushes me back until I'm laying down and he lays down on top of me and I can feel his body in such close contact with mine. He still has that hand planted between us over my heart and now he's kissing me. This is pure pleasure being kissed by Geoff and having his body on top of mine. He's moving his hips a bit torturing me with his dick grinding into mine. It is sweet torture, however. In what seems to be seconds but is probably minutes, he's sliding down my torso, tickling then sucking, then nibbling my nipples one after the other, making me totally energized. He's off and running again moving ever downward. He uses his tongue to trace the path moving past my navel and ringing all the way around it then
taking the southern route following the hairs down my abdomen. Once he arrives near my crotch he bypasses my dick only teasing me by letting the head brush his cheek as he passes it by on the way to my balls. He licks the sac and the indentation between the orbs then he takes each one into his mouth and rolls it around then places gentle suction on it which drives me wild. In an instant he has switched from one ball to the other and repeats the action. Finally he broadly licks the sac again on the front and starts to move upwards along the underside of my dick creeping ever higher. He finally engulfs the head of my dick and releases his hand from my heart (which he still is holding in his hand as far as I am concerned.) He starts off giving me head in earnest and I'm delirious with the sensations. His technique is flawless and he knows exactly what he is doing. Soon he has me on the edge and he can sense this and modulates his
approach now to keep me on the edge for a good while. This amazing guy is playing with me. He will bring me to the edge and then let me down easily then just let me absorb the sensation then bring me to the edge again. Just when I'm sure that he's going to torture me for hours, he surprises me by putting on the pressure in earnest and taking me over the edge. He keeps up the effort and greedily drinks down everything I can provide to him. He continues to lazily tongue my organ while he's letting me rest.
After a while, he must figure I've recovered sufficiently and he starts to rearrange my position to his liking. He's encouraging me to flip over and I know with some certainty where this is going to end up. I comply (never wanting to refuse a good fuck) and I watch him carefully from the corner of my eye to be sure he takes the proper precautions. Technically, I'm not too worried about my safety but I want to establish a precedent with him that he'll carry forward to the rest of his life if he isn't prepared. I'm willing to break my own rule and stop him and tell him what he needs to do for his own safety if I have to. Fortunately, I needn't have worried since Geoff reaches out to the bedside table and gathers up the necessities including some lube and a condom. I smile in anticipation as he puts it on. He takes the time to carefully lube himself and gently lubes me up as well while lingering a while longer than necessary massaging
my opening and just making my pleasure his first priority. He caresses my bum for a while and then places the tip of his dick against my opening. He wipes the head up-and-down a little distributing the lube then gives a gentle push. I can feel the pressure now and he moves a little side-to-side to help me expand. He's really being careful to not move too quickly and I'm impressed with his care. Finally I'm open enough to accept him and he enters me partway. He waits a good amount of time and then moves forward, first haltingly then steadily. Not too much later, I can feel the tickle of his pubes against my ass and he's fully in me. It feels so nice and he's been so considerate of me the whole time. Now we'll see what he's learned. He pulls out the requisite amount and pushes back in and it feels divine but here's a twist... Once he bottoms out (boom!) He's arching his back and pushing as if he is about to cum. That would
be strange but perhaps understandable in one so young. But I don't feel anything particular back there and here he goes for another cycle. The same process happens again. If for nothing else than the health of his back, we'll need to talk about this later. He's going to be sore, I'm guessing. A few more thrusts and he's added a new twist: he's grabbing my shoulders to get better leverage. This is adding a dimension I'm not sure I'm terribly enthusiastic about. The feeling is fairly robust and not a lot painful but it is pretty athletic for him and my poor hole is taking a pummeling. I'm more a fan of the laid-back friendly fuck and although I've experienced a few master artists in the anal arts before and had a few pretty energetic sessions, this seems odd even to me. I resolve that next time (oh, God, I hope there will be a next time) we will be face-to-face. I want to watch his expression and see if I can figure this
out. In the meantime, I will keep my counsel and try to hang on. Eventually, by the sound of his breathing, he's nearing the end. He sounds like a steam engine's exhaust pushing out each breath like an explosion. (Note to myself - talk to him about the dangers of hyperventilation...) He's squeaking now with each thrust and the arched back is starting to be called for. Suddenly he is there and the last thrust is incredible. I'm seeing stars here and he seems suspended in the air like a statue. Finally, I can feel his cum rushing out of him and warming my insides like a molten enema. Finally he collapses onto my back with a slam and although I can tell he's still breathing, I get concerned he may be unconscious. After a minute where he is actually drooling on my back, he stirs himself. He tries to upright himself by lifting up with his hands on my rib cage and I discover that just about everything south of my neck is
somewhat sore. I can imagine what I'll be walking like tomorrow. It's going to be humiliating. He has finally pushed himself off me and I can roll over on my side and look at him. He catches my eye and says "Y-y-you wanna go again?"
I read into this that he's teasing an old man and I would surely give him a painful slap on the bum if I could only move my arms. It's my turn to be silent and I shake my head 'no' and let my tongue hang out. He's looking for an 'attaboy' here and I need to be complimentary and restrained at the same time. I hoarsely say: "Geoff that was amazing - nothing like I've ever experienced before. Where do you get the energy?"
He smiles now and says "T-t-thanks, Todd. Y-y-you were the best."
Later while talking with him I discovered that I was almost the only one as well. He's only had a couple of anal encounters before where he was the top and surprise - they were one-night-stands! He couldn't figure why they chose not to get a repeat performance. Well, I resolved to insist on a repeat performance myself and to be very hands-on the next time (assuming I was able to leave the hospital anytime soon.) Once I could walk, I asked him to shower with me (worried that I might not be able to get in and out of the shower by myself in my current state.) He was ready to go and I took his hand and struggled to the bathroom with him and let him do most of the work (which he didn't seem to mind.) I finally soaped those parts of him which I could reach (the best parts anyway) and we rinsed off and I struggled back to bed with him and tried to get some sleep. It wasn't easy and it took me the better part of an hour to relax and try to
find a position without pain. Still, I was so close to this tremendous guy and I couldn't help but think what a wonder he was.
A while after we started our journey together, I asked Geoff if he would introduce me to his mom. I could see hesitancy in his eyes but I know he trusted me to be the very model of discretion if that was called for. Geoff arranged the meeting and once introductions were done it took some convincing to assure him that his mother and I had some things we needed to discuss in private. He went off to occupy himself elsewhere and left us alone to conspire together.
Privately now, I explained the nature of our relationship and I explained in outline how we had met. She confided that she had known since Geoff had started puberty that he would probably be gay so none of this was much of a surprise. I reflected that ours was a somewhat unconventional relationship due to the age difference and that it was largely due to Geoff's need for a father figure in his life. I told her I hoped she wouldn't object to our relationship and explained that I only had Geoff's best interests at heart. Natalie explained that she had seen a positive change in Geoff since we had been together and that she couldn't object since I had a positive influence on him and she could see how close we had become. I questioned her about Geoff's biological father and she revealed that she had been protecting Geoff from the reality of Martin's life and that he would have only been a negative influence on Geoff in view of his tendency
toward hero worship. She described his self-centeredness and his lack of respect for women. She also explained that he never knew she had bore his son. I admitted this was a wise choice. Natalie explained that she had arranged to befriend cooperative people close to Martin and kept herself informed about him over the years. I grew in my respect for her knowing how she was defending her son so thoroughly. Natalie floored me with her next question, revealing where Geoff's strength had come from:
"Todd, I know you love my son very much, but in view of the difference in your ages, have you considered how Geoff will react once you pass away? I think he might be devastated by the loss and since you know it's almost inevitable that you will pass before him, isn't it the responsible thing to do to prepare him for that day?"
I took a second to take this all in and replied: "Natalie, I thank you for being so blunt. I can see a mother's love all over your question regardless of how painful it is. I have given some thought to the situation and I have the germ of an idea but your asking will push me to work my idea up into a plan sooner. I thank you so very much. You know I'll try to do the responsible thing for Geoff."
I gave Natalie my private number at work in case she had any additional questions or needed to communicate in any other way and thanked her again for her understanding.
The phone call I thought might come from Natalie was not too long in coming. It was only six months since we had spoken and Natalie called me up and let me know that Martin had an unspeakable tragedy come into his life. Her inside information was that Martin was spiraling out of control and that soon his life would be ruined beyond repair if he couldn't manage to come to terms with it. Natalie didn't offer any details and I didn't ask. Her only question was "Todd, do you think Geoff would be able to deal with this and help his father cope?"
"Natalie, I know Geoff has the strength you gave him. I can pledge I will support him any way I can. I trust Geoff with my life."
She quietly said: "Thank you" and hung up.
Later I heard that she had summonsed Geoff to meet with her and explained the situation to him and revealed his father's identity to him and asked that he intervene. Geoff came to me only minutes later and told me what had happened and expressed his doubts to me. I told him he was stronger than even he knew and I encouraged him to try. He left only a tiny while later determined to meet his father and stand by him. From then on the details are fuzzy but I have gathered that Geoff was able to convince his father of his identity and get Martin to see him but he needed to be a little underhanded in the process. Once I could I explained that he needed to be dishonest in the pursuit of the greater good and tried to absolve him of the guilt. Soon Geoff was a fixture in Martin's life and led him back from the brink and used his force-of-will to turn Martin back to the light. Geoff was Martin's reliable right hand and helped him deal with his
grief. Together they planned the funeral that was required.
Both Natalie and I attended the service anonymously and I was so proud to see Geoff standing up beside his father, supporting him through the pain. Later, as Geoff and Martin became closer, I learned that Martin wanted to meet me. I was glad to comply and, as with his mother, I asked Geoff to leave us alone for a while.
Martin had only one thing to say to me: "Thanks, Todd. I know how much you care for my son and how you were instrumental in his coming to me when I needed him most. I will always be grateful for that. I admit that I am a little bit jealous about the influence you have over Geoff. He holds you in such high regard; I can only aspire to that someday. In my old life, if I had known, I probably would have lashed out at you. Now, I can only hope I will be worthy of his trust."
"Martin, I don't seek to replace you in Geoff's heart. I can see that the relationship between you is deepening every day. My relationship with Geoff is changing too. I can tell that he is seeing me more in the role of lover and less as his mentor and that is as it is supposed to be. Martin, if you ever need a friendly ear or a shoulder to lean on, please call me."
"Thanks! Will you call Geoff back to join us?"
I did so and could observe the relationship that was building up close. It was amazing in its intensity having started only a while ago. I imagined it had been forged in fire and that established its strength. I took my leave of the two of them and started off towards home. I took a while to cry in private over what I'd seen and how Geoff's relationship with me was changing. I took some comfort, though, in knowing that there was one area where my influence with Geoff was unchanged. That was in matters of the heart. Soon I would need to influence him there.
Once the crisis in Martin's life had stabilized, I started working on my plan. Geoff had demonstrated maturity beyond my expectation and I was sure he was ready. I suggested that Geoff start thinking about the generations looking forward. I told him that he would be an ideal role model for gay youth who were often so confused and bewildered by the world they inhabited. I told him he would be perfect for that role since he had just come through that time himself and it was still fresh in his mind. I encouraged him to seek opportunities to mentor young gay men where he could. He took to this with his usual enthusiasm and soon he had found someone in need of his help. He introduced me to Wallace. He immediately nicknamed him "W." It turns out that W. was in a situation eerily similar to Geoff's when I first met him. W. wasn't having trouble communicating his feelings, though. W. was, rather, paralyzed by his fear of
rejection. I backed off and observed as Geoff worked his magic on W., putting him at ease and reasoning with him about his fears. This went on for several meetings and I could see W. blossoming under Geoff's guidance. Finally W. had strength enough to try making his feelings known and reported back to us ecstatic in his discovery that his friend had been harboring the same feelings in private. On this visit, W. took me aside and asked if he could have a copy of the photo portrait Geoff and I had taken not long after we started seeing each other. I told him certainly and gave W. a 5 x 7 copy of the photo. We hadn't had much need of all the copies we had gotten. We gave Natalie a framed 8 x 10 of it and we kept the bigger one at home for ourselves. It was this one W. had been admiring. I was so happy W. had managed his goal and it was clear he and his friend would soon become lovers. W. always remained close to us and as an art
student, he soon surprised us with an oil painting rendition of the photo which he had neatly altered to insert his own self-portrait between us, signed with a strong "W". He was a little anxious about our reaction to this being so bold as to come between us but we reassured him it was much to our liking and that we needed to find a prominent place in our home to display it. The next time he visited us, we took pains to show him his painting put up in the most prominent place we could think of. I think he was about to burst with pride when he first saw it in its new home. W. was prone to visiting unannounced and did so often. Rather than being annoyed, we always welcomed him, even when it was inconvenient. He was so sweet-hearted and lit up our home with his enthusiasm. Eventually he showed up at our door to inform us that he had broken up with his friend, but had a good perspective on the affair saying that they got together
quickly and didn't really know each other too well. When the initial sex-driven infatuation ran its course, they realized they had little else in common. Geoff took over in his mentor role and encouraged W. to try again and learn from the mistake. When they were done talking, the old W. had emerged and he had spread his infectious smile to all of us. Even once W. graduated and moved away to start his new career, he would write us often and still visit occasionally (still unannounced) when he would return for vacation. I once confided to W. that I thought of him as my honorary grandson. W. couldn't stop smiling.
Over the years, Geoff helped many confused boys through a whole host of troubles. They often were in our home and occasionally in our bed. Only a couple sexualized our time together and Geoff expertly shot them down: "It's not that I don't find you attractive; I see you as tremendously desirable but I think we need to keep our time platonic. It's more important right now that you feel loved and cared for and above all, safe. This way you won't do anything that you might regret tomorrow." I was so proud of my Geoff when he did this. He was ready for anything and he would soon have a life full to bursting when I left him alone someday. I reported this to Natalie as my promise fulfilled.
For all the years Geoff and I've been together now, he has always been the model son. Of course, sometimes he's gotten off-track. It's usually because he lets his enthusiasm propel him forward before he's had time to think it through. It seldom happens any more as he has grown in his maturity. I've never had to discipline him. It's enough for him to get the idea I might be a little disappointed in him. As for his speech issues, with the help of a speech therapist, he has learned the concept I told him about that day well. He speaks to strangers so clearly now with nary a hint of his former hesitation. It's only on occasion when he is speaking passionately that he will stumble once but he no longer gets frustrated about it. That's important because he's just been elected Alderman here in our city last fall and he is constantly speaking in public now. I go and watch him every chance I get and I'm always so proud to be his
honorary dad.
Author's note:
Please consider donating to nifty.org They are the founders of this feast and if not for them, what would all of us horny, voracious readers do? http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
You may contact me at snow.steve22_AT_yahoo.com if you have questions, suggestions, niggles, complaints, propositions or whatever. Just don't bother to spam me. I don't have the time or energy. Thank you.