All the characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, either living or dead, is entirely unintentional.
The story is copyrighted and may not be reproduced in any way without the express permission of the author who can be contacted at:
pjalexander1753@gmail.com
PJ
From Chapter 11:
He climbed off the bed, stripped off his clothes and pulled on his sleep shorts and T. He made sure the cord in the shorts was securely tied and then opened the bedroom door. He walked down the dark hallway trying, first one closed door and then a second. Neither room had what he was looking for. Then it was third time lucky. He quietly walked in and, by the moonlight shining in through a gap in the slatted blinds, made his way across the room. He reached his destination, lifted the covers and eased himself into the bed. Within seconds of his head hitting the pillows he was fast asleep.
Chapter 12:
Milo stopped the car in its permitted parking spot but didn't open the door. He sat, holding the steering wheel, staring out through the window, but seeing nothing.
Dropping Nico off at D's parents place had been weird - weird because the journey over there had been the first time the two of them had been alone together since they'd got off the plane back from BA; weird because, as usual, they hadn't spoken the whole way; weird because Helen and Roger had acted as if Nico being left there for the weekend was completely normal; weird because he didn't know how to feel about any of these things. When D had first told him about the plan for Nico to spend the weekend with The Minders, part of him felt a mixture of pleasure and relief at the prospect of enjoying a couple of days without having worry about the boy hanging around in the background of his every waking moment. D had said that Helen had come up with the idea to give the two of them a bit of a break.
"She wants us to have a chance to recharge the batteries, relax, do normal stuff," he had explained.
And on the face of it, Milo had thought, that was a really great and generous idea, and he'd continued to think that until he'd woken up at 3:32 a.m. with a giant, illuminated But what if ...?' hanging in his head. But what if that isn't the reason?' he asked himself. `What if Helen (and his dad and maybe even Roger) had worked out that things between him and D weren't good, and hadn't been ever since Nico's arrival? What if, somehow, they knew about what had happened that night in the hotel?' Okay, yeah, that was illogical, but, having thought it, he couldn't shift the idea from his mind. It had horrified him, day and night, ever since.
He continued to stare.
And what about the nightmare prospect of spending time alone with D? He felt guilty for even thinking of being alone with the love of his life as a nightmare. But nearly two whole days? Two days when they wouldn't have going off to work as an excuse. Two days of it just being the two of them, with none of the usual distractions, like the comings and goings of The Minders or of Mrs. Bolton. Two days when relaxing and recharging the batteries would normally include a lot of walking around the apartment in their underwear, a lot of casual touching and a lot of sex. Milo knew that his pathetic excuses for avoiding sex were wearing very thin and that his repeated rejection of D in bed was really getting to his man, even, he suspected, to the point where D was somehow blaming himself for whatever it was that was wrong. Poor D. He'd done nothing to deserve any of the shit that he'd been having to go through ever since he, Milo, had insisted on bringing Nico into their home against D's advice. Yes, it was all down to him. And there was no way he could own up to any of it. He was too ashamed of the blinkered and dismissive way he'd behaved, of his arrogant and I-know-best' attitude and, most of all, for what had happened between him and Nico at the hotel. That would destroy D, if he ever found out about it. But Milo also knew that if nothing changed it would be their entire relationship that could well be destroyed. Fuck! (He heard a faint Tut tutting' echoing from a distant half of his mind, but he couldn't be bothered to apologise for or justify his language -- that half of his mind had said a lot worse over the years.)
And still he stared, and slowly a plan began to form in his mind. If he could just keep D busy for these two days, he thought, keep things on the move and distracting, that might give him the time and breathing space he needed to come up with a longer-term solution.
`Or it might just be delaying the inevitable,' piped up the recently echoing half of his mind. Milo didn't want to hear it.
Or it might give the two of you a chance to work things out,' chimed in the other half. Without all the distracting stuff getting in the way.' That was better, he thought.
But then Milo doubted that it would be possible for him and D to work things out over one, short weekend but he did like the idea of occupying D with lots of activity, and they could make a start that morning with a long cycle ride into the countryside. This was something they often did so there would be no reason for D to get suspicious or to question his reasons for suggesting it. It would be a classic D'n'M relax and recharge sort of thing to do.
"Hey D," he said as he walked into the kitchen (he hoped his voice sounded normal and ordinary and not forced or false). "The weather looks really good today. How about we take the bikes out for a ride on one of the country park trails? We haven't done that for ages."
"No," Dan replied drily, "Not since Nico got here." The hurt tone of D's voice was not lost on Milo.
"Exactly," he said, with as much persuasion as he could muster, "But today he's with The Minders, so that means we don't have to worry about him. And you did say your mum wants us to do normal stuff. What do you say?"
Dan wasn't sure what to think, or say. M sounded normal, even happy, in fact almost exactly like he had sounded before they'd ever even heard of Nico. It was as if something that had been pressing down on him for the last several weeks was suddenly lifted off, and Dan was really pleased to hear it. But something about this sudden turn-around in M's manner left him not totally convinced. After all, there had been no sign of this old, familiar M earlier that morning when he'd done his new normal thing of eating breakfast alone, and none, either, when he'd been getting Nico organised and ready for the trip to Dan's parents' place. Then he'd sounded exactly like the newer version of M, the one he'd become used to ever since Nico's arrival -- stressed, edgy and impatient. It just didn't seem to add up, but he couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was that seemed off.
Oh, fuck it!' he said to himself. I'm probably overthinking this. M's wanting to do something normal and fun for the first time in weeks, and here I am second-guessing his motives.'
"That sounds great," he said aloud, a wide and more or less genuine smile on his face. "Give me fifteen, no, ten minutes and I'll be good to go."
The trail that Milo chose turned out to be much longer and more demanding than Dan had expected. Okay, so M had been going out riding around the town a lot lately so was in good shape, but given that it was several weeks since they'd been out on their bikes together, he had thought they'd follow one of the shorter, easier routes, maybe the one around the lake or one of their favourites to a local beauty spot which was a great place for a leisurely picnic and an afternoon nap. But no, it was as if M was in training for the Tour de France. The route he led them on seemed to go on forever, zigzagging up steep inclines, then swooping down through pine woods, never giving Dan a chance to recover before they were on their way up again. He struggled to keep with the pace that M was setting. If he hadn't known better, and if his brain wasn't full of the effort of keeping up, he would have begun to wonder if M was deliberately trying to wear him out.
Eventually they arrived at a distant point at the far end of the lake, climbing off their bikes and laying them down on a grassy mound. But instead of taking some time to sit and enjoy the view, Milo began running towards the water, stripping off his cycle shorts and vest along the way.
"I'll race you to Fisherman's Point and back," he shouted before plunging into the water.
Dan barely had enough breath to speak, much less swim for nearly half a mile. Fuck! M wasn't playing fair. He'd been vice captain of the Greenside High swimming team and, yes, being knocked down by that truck had put an end to his competitive swimming career, but he could still outpace Dan without shifting out of second gear. What was M trying to do to him? Very reluctantly he stripped off and dived in.
And Milo didn't stop pushing the pace the whole day. After they got home from the trail ride and the unscheduled swim there was an hour in the apartment block's basement gym - apparently this was M's interpretation of recharging the batteries - followed by a lengthy gaming session - a great way to relax, according to M - and, finally, two episodes of House of the Dragon -- as Milo reminded Dan, they'd not watched any since Nico's arrival. By the time Milo switched off the TV and glanced across at D, slumped in his favourite chair, he was confident that he'd achieved his twin objectives for day one of the weekend, to tire D out and leave no space for unwanted and uncomfortable conversation. At first he thought he might leave him to sleep where he was. If he did that then sex, or the lack of it, couldn't be an issue, for this one night at least. He'd hated having, literally, to turn his back on D's obvious need for intimacy so many times lately. But, no matter how desperate Milo was to avoid the rejection scenario that had become so familiar over recent weeks, he couldn't just leave D to sleep where he was, and not only because he knew that his reason for doing so would be entirely obvious to D. So he gently shook him awake and they went down the hallway to the bedroom together.
They each used the bathroom - separately had become the new normal -- with Dan going first. He switched on his reading light and collapsed into bed where he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He hadn't managed to see much of House of the Dragon because he'd been so tired from the day's non-stop activity, but now, having peed and brushed his teeth, he felt much more awake. He waited for Milo, determined not to fall asleep before he came back from the bathroom.
A few minutes later M walked back into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. This was the first time in weeks that they'd spent a night alone in the apartment. Dan watched out of the corner of his eye as M stripped down to his underwear. Memories of the boy he'd fallen in love with back when they were both teenagers flooded into his mind. Then, thanks to all the hours he spent in the pool, M had been sleek and smooth and strong, with long legs and wide shoulders. He'd had a swimmer's fatless torso and well-defined pecs. Dan had loved that body. It never failed to turn him on. And looking at it now, well, he couldn't say that there hadn't been some changes over the years. Certainly some of the definition had gone and there was a trail of hair leading down from tummy button to waistband and more on those slightly less-toned legs, places that had always been completely shaved on the orders of Ms. Boyeda. So, yes, things weren't exactly the same as they had been, but, to Dan's eyes, M was still beautiful. He always would be. And the person inside the body was still the only man that Dan could ever imagine loving, although these days, since Nico's arrival, that love was being tested to the limit. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes as Dan realised, with a force that nearly knocked the breath out of him, that things couldn't go on any longer the way they had been and that this night could be make or break for their relationship and their marriage, and even of their future together. The thought was beyond scary but couldn't be avoided or pushed to the back of his consciousness any longer. He didn't know whether he had the strength to see this through but he was pretty sure that he was about to find out.
Milo got into bed and pulled the covers over himself.
"Good night, D. I had a good time today, I hope you did too." He turned away from Dan and lay on his side, his broad back like an impenetrable barrier between them.
"Don't." Dan almost shouted. "Don't do that. Don't turn your back on me. Not again" He dropped the volume. "Don't try to pretend I'm not here."
Milo was shocked into stillness. He couldn't remember the last time D had raised his voice to him. This was so out of character. But he couldn't pretend to be surprised, not after the way he'd been treating D for all these weeks. Suddenly there was a churning feeling in his stomach. He began to suspect that the very thing he'd been so desperate to avoid was about to come crashing down around him, leaving him with no choice but to confront it.
`And what did you expect?' The question came from one half of his mind.
`You've only got yourself to blame,' said the other half, the two of them worryingly in agreement for once.
Milo knew he had to respond to D, to say something, anything, but he could think of nothing. His mind was a blank.
"Can't you even look at me?" Dan demanded. "Can't bear to face me?" He threw the covers off, got out of bed and stormed across the room to stand with his back against the door. "Well, you're not leaving this room until you speak to me. Until we've sorted this out. Until you've told me what it is I've done to hurt you so badly. Because I can't go on doing this. Not the solitary bike rides, not the emotional shut down, not the constant rejection."
After this rush of words Dan paused to catch his breath, to let his head catch up with his mouth. Fuck! Yes, he'd needed to say all that but now he wasn't sure whether it had been the right, or the sensible, thing to do. Had he just succeeded in doing more damage? His outburst seemed to have stunned M into silence. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
It was true, Milo was totally shocked by what had just happened. He was now sitting up in the bed, his back against the headboard, staring at D who stood on the other side of the room, his chest heaving with emotion and with those tears beginning to slide down his cheeks. He looked at the love of his life, standing there in front of the door, trying to control his breathing and looking so hurt and vulnerable. He felt as if he was being shredded from the inside.
"Oh, D! D! What have I done to you?" he asked himself, his voice barely above a whisper. He so wanted to get up and go to where D was standing, to wrap his arms around him and to promise that everything was going to be okay. But he couldn't because, at that moment, he didn't think it was true, not now and, maybe, never again. The room was eerily quiet, with just the sounds of Dan's sobs and ragged breathing breaking the silence.
"Well," demanded Dan through his tears, "What is it? What have I done to make you want to keep away from me as much as possible? Why won't you let me touch you? How can I have hurt you so much?"
Milo's heart was beating so fast that he began to think that it might, genuinely, be close to breaking. He forced his feet onto the floor and stood up. He still couldn't speak but there was no way he was going to leave D standing there, believing he was the cause of all this pain. He had to go to him, put his arms around him, hold him close. However, he'd not taken more than two steps, his arms held open in front of him, when D spoke again.
"No! Not another step. You can't just put your arms around me, hold me close and expect everything to be okay. Expect me to stay quiet."
`How did he know?' Milo asked himself.
`Because he knows you,' replied one half of his mind.
`Inside and out,' agreed the other half.
They stood there, the two of them, on opposite sides of the room, neither one moving, neither one speaking. Dan was struggling to hold himself upright. All he wanted to do was slide down the door into a heap on the floor, but something inside told him that that would be just about the worst thing he could do. Milo wanted it all to go away, but he instinctively knew that that was not going to happen, that this was make or break.
Right from the start I had intended that Chapter 12 would be the final chapter of Part 6 of D'n'M but it got so long -- twice the length of a normal chapter -- that I've decided to split it in two. So the next chapter, number 13, which I will send to Nifty in the next few days, will bring Part 6 of the story to a close. Thanks for your patience. PJ
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