"Cumming Out"
Copyright 1999 By Erik R. Drellman (erikreeves@aol.com)
DISCLAIMER: The following story is based on actual events. Some names were changed to protect the privacy of my friends. I hope you enjoy reading this account, and if you do, I would love to hear from you.
I am 34 years old, and still not married. Until about a year and a half ago, I thought that I was straight...now I am not so sure. I used to think that everything was "cut and dried", black or white, but not now. I have always been a "free spirit", never really wanting to be tied down in a relationship and always enjoying my freedom. When people would ask me why I wasn't married like all of my sisters and brothers that is what I would say, but my life changed drastically one night about eighteen months ago...
My roommate from college was coming to visit. It had been more than ten years since we had seen each other and I couldn't wait. I always received the obligatory greeting card at some point during the holidays with the newsletter and the photo of the whole family (including the dog), so I had kept up with what was going on in his life, but this trip would be just the two of us so we should really be able to catch up. We had been room mates in college for two years and had done everything together. We double dated almost every week-end and had become the best of friends. We shared all of our hopes and dreams with each other and became more like brothers than just best friends. Everything came to an abrupt halt when "she" came into the picture though. Her name was Stephanie and I knew that she really did love Brian, but she took a part of him away from me that really made me jealous of her. Once she came into his life, he no longer needed to confide in me, but I still needed him because I didn't have a "Stephanie" in my life, so...little by little, we drifted apart. I hadn't even been invited to the wedding. That really stung!
I stood by the gate watching all of the people as they disembarked the plane from Dallas. My heart was pounding so loudly that I was afraid the people standing next to me would be able to hear it. I was excited but also very nervous. All of these years later I realized that I didn't have a lot in common with a married, father of three. No time to worry about that now...there he was! I saw his grin first and then when his eyes caught a glimpse of me they began to sparkle and he literally ran over to where I was and grabbed me in his tightest bear hug. He held me like that for a long time...maybe a little too long. His arms felt good around me, natural, just like it used to so many years ago. I really didn't like the empty feeling that was left when he finally pulled away from me either. We picked up his luggage at the baggage claim and were on our way home before either of us really took a breath and stopped talking a mile a minute! He looked at me from the passenger seat and said, "I have really, really missed you Erik". I felt his hand on my shoulder and then felt a chill go through my body, all of the way through to my fingers and my toes. I looked at him nervously and grinned. I knew if I opened my mouth, one of those profoundly stupid remarks that I always seemed to be known for would come out so I just smiled and watched the road.
God, he was still so handsome. His skin was dark and smooth, his hair was almost black and straight as an arrow. His lips were thin and helooked as if he worked out daily, but I knew that he didn't. He was just one of those lucky guys who was blessed with a spectacular body. (I STILL hate guys like that!!). Married life had evidently agreed with him because he was looking pretty fine for 34 years old, but don't get the wrong impression, I was no slouch in the "looks" department either, I just had to work harder! I still played racquetball at least three times a week and madetime to walk, jog, and bike, whenever I could.
At 3:00 am, after talking nonstop for hours, we realized how late it was. His shirt was unbuttoned and I could see his smooth, defined chest. His nipples were small and dark, and there was a line of dark hair that started just above his belly button and disappeared somewhere beneath the waistband of his dress slacks. We had both gotten comfortable, laughed, talked, and even cried a little together remembering all of the fun we had had so many years before. Suddenly, it got quite. He looked at me and hit me with a bombshell. He said, "Erik, I need to ask you something". I looked at him feeling more than a little bit nervous and said, "ok". "Please don't be offended by this, but I have had my suspicions for years and I have to know...are you gay?" At first, I was stunned. If anyone but him had asked me this I would have denied it, laughed, and gone about my business, but for some reason, maybe because of the thoughts that I had been having about him since he had reappeared in my life that evening, I was angry! I was on my feet before he realized what was happening and I hit him under his jaw with a right hook. My broad shoulders and wrestlers build worked to my advantage. He stumbled back against the wall with a dazed expression on his face and then I really went ballistic. He hit me back and soon, both of us were a bloody mess. Fists were flying and noses were bleeding, lips were swollen, cracked and dripping blood, and bruises had already started to appear on both of us. Finally, he pulled me into him with a vise like grip and wouldn't let me go. I began to settle down then, but I was still filled with rage at the audicity he had to come into my life after all of this time and question my sexuality like that. Who the fuck did he think he was?
Once we both had settled down and caught our breath, we walked slowly to the bathroom and I ran warm water in the sink so we could clean up. Brian sat down on the toilet and let his head rest against the wall as I stood in front of the sink. I glanced over at him because he was being so quiet. There was a single tear drifting slowly down his cheek, through some dark red, dried blood on his face. I began to fel like the asshole I was now, I had single-handedly demolished any hope of a good reunion with my very best friend from college. What was I thinking? Almost inaudibly, he whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." I felt horrible, why had I done what i did, especially when I knew that he might be right about me, maybe I was gay. "I'm sorry too", I said. I suppose this would have been a great time for one of those "Hallmark" moments where the best friends hug and all is forgiven and forgotten but things didn't turn out that way. The single tear on his cheek was soon joined by others, many others. He began to sob into his hands as he sat there in my bathroom. The tears openly flowed down his cheeks and cut ridges through the dried blood on his face. I wanted to comfort him, to hold him, but after our conversation and the fight, I was afraid to, so I just stood there awkwardly waiting for him to calm down.
Finally, after some time passed, he setteld down and tears subsided. He looked at me through red, swollen eyes, and I saw a tenderness in them that I hadn't seen in a long time-maybe I had never seen that before. Quietly,almost in a whisper, he began to speak to me. "When we were in school together, you were the first person I had ever met who really seemed to be able to understand me. I always felt so out of place with everyone, like... I never really fit in, but with you, it was always different. I began to feel a bond with you, something that I had never experienced before, and something that have never experienced since...not even with Stephanie. I enjoyed our friendship more than anything. One day I was watching you and I began to wonder what it would be like to feel my arms around you, not like we did when we would hug each other or kid around, but to really feel my arms around you, holding you, feeling you next me to me. I got scared. I just went carzy. I wasn't a faggot so why was I thinking things like that? The more I tried to control those type of thoughts, the more they seemed to come to me. I was thinking things about you all of the time, things that I knew I shouldn't be thinking about. I thought I was going crazy. When Stephanie came along, it gave me an excuse to get away from you so I could pretend that I was "normal". I love her, I really do, and and I always will. She is a good wife and a great mother. I love you too though...and I guess I always have. I love you in a way that I will never be able to love Stephanie. When I asked you if you were gay, it was only because I was hoping that you were, not because I wanted to embarrass you. I know that I have destroyed what little bit of our friendship might have been left after all of this time but I just wanted you to know why everything happened the way it did. I am really sorry."
With those words, he stood up and walked past me into the living room. I was stunned. Numb. I could hear him collecting his things and I knew that he would walk out of the door and I would never, ever hear from him again. Is that what I wanted? I turned quietly and walked into the living room just as he got to the front door. I put my hand out and touched his shoulder. Brian flinched as if I was going to hit him again. He stopped dead in his tracks and just stood there facing the door. I could feel the heat of his body under my fingers and it started a passion burning deep within me that I didn't even know existed. I put both of my arms under his and pulled him to me in an embrace. His warm back was pressed against my chest and my hands were on his bare waist. His unbuttoned shirt hung loosely from his shoulders and I gently put my head against the back of his. I didn't say a word for a long time, we just stood there, our bodies touching, our hearts beating. Finally, I whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you too to ever hurt you intentionally, but I didn't fully realize just much, or the way, I loved you until right now. Brian turned around in my arms and looked me straight in the eye. The tears were still glistening on his cheeks but now there was a big grin on his face. "I had to come back to see you and to find out what might happen between us", he said. "I never dreamed that you would beat me up", he said with a huge grin. I closed my eyes as my lips gently touched his for the first time. There was a spark between us, a deep river of love that ran to the very depths of our two souls. I parted my lips and felt his warm, thick tongue invading my mouth. His kiss became harder and more urgent and I returned the passion with an open mouth. He pulled away and slowly opened his eyes. "I have waited for this for twelve years". Without another word, we held hands, our fingers intertwined, and walked down the hall to my bedroom.
I closed the door to my bedroom and slowly walked away from Brian. The light from the streetlamp outside was shining in the window giving enough light to help me maneuver through the room. I began to light candles that were setting around the room. Soon, there were shadows dancing on the walls a creating warm, romantic glow. I turned back to Brian who was still leaning against the door. "Are you sure?", I asked. He stood for a moment longer as I searched his eyes intently. I began to think he was having second thoughts until he slowly walked toward me in the darkness, his shirt, splattered with blood, still hagning open. I felt his arms tentatively slip around me and once again his lips were on mine. Our hearts were beating so rapidly that as we stood chest to chest, it seemed as if we had a built in rhythm section in our joined bodies. As our tongues played tag in each others mouths, I slipped the shirt off of his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. My hands began to roam over the ridges of his chest. I let my hands roam over his body, feeling his strong pecs and flat stomach beneath my fingers. His skin was hot to the touch and his breath had already started to come in short gasps. As we stood there kissing each other, I was able to explore his tight torso. I knew Brian better than I knew another living soul, and finally, we were taking the final step toward solidifying a bond that we had felt for a long time.
I let my tounge leave Brians mouth and licked down between his nipples, stopping to pay special attention to each one of them. I lsucked them, gently biting, causing them to stand erect. Brian let his head roll back on his shoulders and held my head in his hands. I licked down to his flat stomach tasting the very essence of his warm body. I pushed my tongue into his belly button and felt him draw in his breath. Slowly, I unbuckled his belt, opened his pants, and unzipped his zipper. I could see, in the dim light, a bulge in the silk boxers he was wearing. I placed my hand on the mound of flesh and felt the heat through the fabric. He cock was hard and was already dripping precum, completely soaking the silk fabric of his boxers. I looked closely at the little trail of dark hair that went from his belly button down to somewhere hidden by the waistband of his boxers. I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his underwear and pulled them down around his ankles. His pants and boxers were bunched up at his feet but I was intently looking at the perfect specimen of manhood in front of me. His penis was as smooth and as perfect as the rest of his body. It was hard and stood out from his thick pubic bush. I bent my head down slowly and licked the tip of his head, tasting the precum that was oozing out. This was the taste of the man I loved and had loved for all of these years. I was overcome with lust and pushed my mouth down on his cock all the way to its hairy root. I could feel the head of his penis as it pushed against the back of my throat. Immediately, his hips began a steady rhythm as he fed me his dick. "Suck my hard dick, baby. You know you want it and I want you to do it for me reallly bad", he whispered. I let my hands roam over the thick, muscular legs spread out in front of me. His body was almost completely hairless and soon there was a glistening sheen of sweat all over as he continued to move into my mouth.
He stopped and stepped away, pulling his pants and boxers off. He stood before me completely naked. Without even one word he walked toward me and began to unbutton my shirt. His hands were shaking, partly from passion and partly from nervousness. After my shirt came off, my pants and boxers followed. I stood naked before him. He watched me intently as his hands began to move over my body. Once again I could see tears in the corner of his eyes and he said, "I have waited a long time for this night!"
He turned me around so that my back was to his chest. Hie arms went around my waist and began to rub my hairy chest. I could feel the hardness of his dripping cock as it pushed against the mounds of my ass with his every move. He walked me over to the bed and pushed my gently down on all fours. I felt the smooth hands of my buddy and friend as he began to massage my back. His hands went down deep into the small of my back. His touch was driving me crazy! Then, with no warning, I felt his hand spread the cheeks of my ass. For a moment he was still, I wasn't sure if he knew what to do or not at that point, but I soon found out. I felt a warm, wet, thick, mushy thing push it's way into my dry ass. He was eating me out! I pushed back against his head wanting to give the best access possible to my sweet hole. He licked and suck like a pro! My hips were squirming and grinding against his face wanting more and more of his tongue inside of me. He licked my legs all the way down to my toes and then began licking on my balls. He grabbed them in his hand and tugged on them, just hard enough to make me squirm. He knew how to push every one of my buttons. I fell over onto my back and he covered my body with his. He began to grind his hips into mine as I felt his lips all over me. He licked the hair on my chest until it was slicked down with his saliva. He sucked on my neck leaving what I knew would be huge, red welts. He roughly pulled on my balls causing my cock to stand straight up. I was so hot and horny by this time that I was almost afraid I would shoot my load before we got to play some more.
He looked at me and quietly whispered, "I want to make love to you". I told him that he could do anything that he wanted. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and said, "I don't want to fuck you, I want to make wild, passionate love to you". The look in his eyes told me that I could trust him to do anything to me, I knew that he loved me. He lifted my legs up and placed them on his shoulders. He used spit to lube up his hard cock before placing the head against theopening of my hole. He rubbed the head of his cock against the opening , just teasing my hole with what he knew I wanted so desperately. Slowly, he pushed his cockhead into my ass. I felt pain momentarily and took a deep breath. He stopped pushing and looked at me with a questioning look on his face. I pushed against him without saying a word so he would know to keep going but to go slow. Soon, I felt the entire girth of his penis inside of me. I felt so filled as our bodies were joined together. He began a steady rhythm as he filled up my hole. His body was hot to the touch and soon his hair was dripping with perspiration. I watched him as he moved inside of me. I looked deeply into his eyes and listened to the rhythm of his breathing. We were making love, sweet, love.
He pulled out of me, taking a moment to catch his breath. I pushed gently on him so he would turn over and lay on his back. I spread my legs and straddled his cock. While I faced him, I slowly lowered myself onto his engorged tool. My ass opened easily this time and felt wonderful filled with his meat. I began to ride him, sliding my entire body up and down on his cock. I was able to see his face and still have access to his smooth, sweet body. His hips would meet each one of my thrusts as our bodies smacked together through our sweaty love.
Before long, he began to pant breathlessly. "I am really getting close", he said. "Shoot it, baby, I want your cum inside of me", I told him as I continued to ride him even harder, bouncing up and down on his massive meat. "Oh, FUCK! I'm gonna shoot!!", he said. I could feel his seed shooting inside me. Each spurt of his cum was accompanied by a gasp from his mouth. For one brief moment, our world stopped and was suspended in time as our union was solidified with his load being given directly to me.
I sat still with his softening dick still a part of my insides. He looked at me and said, "You didn't cum". I shook my head. He gently lifted me up off of him and rolled over on his stomach. His exposed ass was as beautiful as the rest of his wonderful body. At first, I didn't understand what he wanted. Finally, he looked at me and said, "well...". I said, "You mean...you mean that you want me to fuck you?" "No way", he said emphatically, "I want you to make love to me". His voice was so sexy and full of passion. I laid done on the bed beside of him and curved my body next to his. From behind, I gently began to massage his hole to open him up. My cock was way past being ripe and ready to shoot so I knew that I would cum fast once I was inside of him. I was still dripping precum all over so I was wet and ready to go. I put the head of my dick against the opening of his manhole. I said, "relax, and it won't hurt so bad at first". He began to concentrate, and in one swift motion, my cock was buried up his hole. I was still for a moment as he got used to the feeling of being filled up by another man. He began to push his ass against me so I knew that he was rearing to go. I slowly moved in and out of him while I held on to his body. "I can't last long", I said, as I stuck my tongue into his ear. I reached down and began to jack his still hard cock with my hand. Simultaneously, we both shot our loads. His second of the evening, and my first. He begged me to stay inside of him as long as possible and when I finally did pull out, we continued to hold each other.
The sun was coming up over the horizon and the bedroom shadows were slowly receding. I looked at Brian, sleeping soundly beside me, and saw the cuts and bruises on his face that I had cause only a few hours earlier. He must have sensed that I was staring at him because his eyes fluttered open. Even though I was terribly afraid of the answer I would receive, I knew that I had to ask. "Any regrets?" He seemed lost in concentration for a moment and then he shook his head in the affirmative. My heart sank...I was absolutely devastated. Here I was in bed with a man I had loved for years, we had just had the greatest sex I had ever experienced in my life, and he had regrets! He looked at me tenderly and smiled, "I regret that it took my so many years to realize that the person I had been looking for so diligently was right there beside me all of the time."
Every once in a while, someone is lucky enough to find their soulmate. That one special person who completes them in every way. Every once in a while, that person is right under your nose. Maybe even sleeping in the bunk across the dormroom. Now we spend our nights in a big double bed, and we both feel lucky, because we have found our soulmates.