RIDERS OF TUATHA by Bert McKenzie Copyright 2010
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any real person alive or dead is coincidental and unintentional.
CHAPTER XIV
The cab company sent two cars to take all of them downtown. Scott was upset that Jennifer's Mustang was still out in the country parked by the burnt farm house, but she reminded him that seven people would not fit in it at one time, anyway. They split into two parties with Jennifer, Caseldra, Clive and Melcot in one car and Scott, Rood and Akuta riding in the other. The newcomers were quite squeamish about the strange vehicles, but once they saw Caseldra hop in, they followed suit. Jennifer had at least warned them about the unusual things they might see. Since she had been experiencing culture shock for the past three days, she was a bit more sensitive to its effect on others.
The cab rides were fairly uneventful. Scott's driver was a bit surly and seemed singularly displeased about where he was taking his fare. But for the most part he kept his mouth shut, obviously hoping for a decent tip. Jennifer's driver, on the other hand, chatted non-stop. When he found out their destination he immediately opened up. He too was apparently 'family' as he called them, and proceeded to recommend several bars that were much nicer and undoubtedly more to their liking than the Pink Collar. As Jennifer paid him, he told them he would look forward to seeing them at the Watering Hole later that night. The group turned to leave and Clive suddenly jumped, bumping into the girls. He turned quickly to see Manny, their driver, wink at him before pulling back out into traffic. "That man pinched me," Clive said in astonishment. "On my . . ." he stopped short in embarrassment.
"Well, let's face it. You are quite a dish in that outfit," Jennifer said, grabbing his arm and leading the group toward the club. Scott and his party were already waiting by the door.
"This is really dumb," Scott said. "We don't need seven people to find one little fair . . . one guy. I can go get what we need and be back in no time."
"You are the king's consort," Rood said in an authoritarian voice. "We have already lost our king. Where you go, we go."
"Okay," Scott sighed. "Just try to stay out of trouble. Be inconspicuous." As conspicuously as possible, they all entered the building in single file.
The interior of the Pink Collar had not changed much since Scott was last there over a year before. The smoky little outer bar was still decorated in pastel shades with pink neon lighting around the bar. On the wall opposite was a huge mural of a naked man with a tremendous erection. He was bent over on all fours and sported a neon pink dog collar. The music blared in from the next room where the bright lights pulsed over the dance floor. "Try to fit in," Jennifer said over the music. "Just look around and do what everyone else is doing." Caseldra quickly grabbed her arm, clinging closely to the taller woman. The four other guys looked around uncomfortably and paired up, holding hands.
Meanwhile, Scott found a seat at the bar. He ordered a gin on the rocks and paid with some of the money Jennifer had loaned him. "Has Roger been in yet?" he asked the bartender.
"Roger?" the man repeated blankly.
"Roger Simmons. A little guy, about 5'5' with long hair and bad breath. A real queen."
"A queen? Men are female royalty in this world?" Rood asked as he walked up to sit on an empty stool. Scott poked him hard in the ribs with his elbow.
The bartender gave Rood an odd look. "Yeah. I think I know the guy you mean. No, I haven't seen him yet." He then turned a dazzling smile on Scott's companion. "What'll it be, gorgeous?"
Rood started to open his mouth but Scott spoke up for him. "He'll have a Coke." The bar tender gave Scott a sidelong glance and reached for a clean glass.
Jennifer, Caseldra, Melcot and Akuta had settled around a table. Jennifer had ordered for all of them, being sure to stick with soft drinks, Scott having warned her that alcohol was not used in Faerie. Scott and Rood crossed the room to join them. They sat and talked while waiting for Roger to make his entrance. Suddenly Scott realized Clive was missing. "I shall go find him," Rood said, starting to stand.
"Down, boy," Scott said, pushing him back into the chair. "You all stay together. Jennifer, keep an eye on them." He left the group in search of the missing member.
It was still early, but a small crowd had already started to build around the dance floor. The bright, pulsing disco lights reminded Clive of the solar reflections from the tower tops of the palace back home. He was looking up in astonishment when he walked right into a tall, body builder type in a muscle shirt. "Please pardon my clumsiness," he apologized.
"You want to dance?" the big chested man asked him.
Clive wasn't sure how to respond. "Very well," he finally said, thinking that he should try to fit in. The big guy grabbed his hand and pulled him out onto the crowded floor. This was certainly not the kind of dancing he was used to. The men around him seemed to be jumping around to the rhythmical beat that could be felt underneath the blaring noise. Clive did his best to follow suit.
"You're good," his partner observed. "But then I guess all you Latin guys got good rhythm."
"Latin guys?" Clive asked.
"Yeah. Aren't you a Mexican?" the body builder continued. "I could tell by your complexion."
"I am not a Mexican," Clive corrected him. "I am a fairy."
"Ain't we all?"
"I think not." Clive was a little confused.
"You like poppers?" the big guy asked.
"I know not," Clive answered him.
The big man pulled out a small bottle from the pocket of his skin tight jeans, opened it and cupping it beneath his nose, inhaled deeply. He then handed it to Clive. The wood elf looked at it suspiciously. "Take a hit," his dance partner encouraged. Doing just what he had seen the big man do, he sniffed deeply on the fumes from the little container. For a minute, everything seemed to swim, then he collapsed to the floor. "Whoa, dude," the big man said, and picked up the fallen elf, heading for the back room.
"Jenny, girl, I haven't seen you in months!" The high pitched voice could only belong to Roger. "Well, what have we here? The girl's hockey team from Bennington, Vermont?" he crooned as he approached the table and draped his arms around Akuta, rubbing his crotch against the fairy's back.
"These are some friends of mine from out of town, Roger," she answered, putting emphasis on his name and looking pointedly at Rood.
"I shall go find Scott," Rood said immediately and got up. He towered over the little queen.
"Oh, don't leave on my account, tall, blond and handsome," Roger said, reaching up to run one hand across the broad chest while he reached down to grope Rood's crotch with the other.
Jennifer was worried for a moment as she saw a strange look cross the Tuathan's face. But he only smiled a lopsided grin which his friends knew meant mischief. He reached down and firmly gripped the little man's wrists and turned him away. "This is my friend Akuta," he told the little man. "Please keep him company while I am away." He turned his back to the table and wind whispered to Roger. "Akuta is very lonely and he really desires you."
Rood made a quick exit as Roger sat down and scooted his chair against the other Tuathan's. "Akuta. Is that Norwegian?" he asked as he reached beneath the table.
Scott had searched almost the entire place. Clive wasn't in the bathroom, on the dance floor or at the bar. The only place he had not looked was the back room, and he was sure Clive wouldn't go in there, or would he. Scott pushed aside the beaded curtain and plunged in.
Just inside the doorway of the dimly lit room was a large metal rack holding a variety of condoms. They were free, compliments of the management, given away to anyone wishing to indulge in sexual activities in the secluded alcoves. Actually, that was generally the only reason why anyone went into the back room. Scott stood for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim, red lights. He could then make out a number of bodies in various stages of undress around the place, moving rhythmically to their physical urges. He slowly walked around, feeling uncomfortably voyeuristic while searching for his friend.
On a low bench he finally spotted Clive. He was lying flat on his stomach, his head turned to the side and his eyes closed. The jeans were pulled down to his knees and a tall man in a muscle shirt was in the process of unfastening his own pants. "Clive!" Scott said as he approached the pair. The wood elf only moaned softly.
Scott reached down toward him, but felt himself grabbed from behind. He turned to see the big, body builder in the muscle shirt painfully twisting his arm. "Get your own piece of ass," the man said. "This dude's mine."
"You don't understand," Scott protested.
"No. You don't understand, bud," the body builder growled. He suddenly let go of Scott's arm and winced in pain.
"No. It is you who understand not," Rood said softly. The tall guard had grabbed the man by the ear and quickly pinned his free arm behind his back. "My lord Scott, Jennifer wishes to speak with you. But first should you not help our friend?" Scott quickly pulled the little wood elf's pants back up and refastened them. He then helped Clive to his feet.
Clive wobbled slightly, and smiled at the muscle man. "Thank you for the dance," he said in a drunken slur.
"You don't know who you're messing with, man," the barrel chested one said to Rood. "I got friends."
"I hope so," Rood replied. "They may escort you home." He whistled softly and from out of nowhere, Melcot and Akuta appeared at his side. "Please see that this one leaves safely," he told his companions and shoved the big man toward the door. The other two guards followed him out. "What is wrong with him?" Rood asked, looking closely at Clive.
"I think he's drunk," Scott said as he and Rood tried to help Clive to walk.
"Let us depart this room," the tall fairy said. "I have learned more about the sexual practices of reversals in the last few minutes than I ever wanted to know." They steered Clive out of the back room, across the dance floor and back to their table in the outer bar.
"Did somebody have a bit too much?" Roger asked as they guided Clive into an empty chair. Suddenly their ears were assaulted by a high pitched shriek. It came from Roger. "My God, Scott Quartermain! Mother Mary, I thought you were dead, girl."
"Guess again," Scott said.
"Well that's what they said. But now I know better. You've been playing house with this big stud." He leaned over and draped himself around Rood. "Scott, you naughty boy. You know you should always share your toys."
"Please, touch me not," Rood wind whispered to the little man. "Akuta shall become jealous. He wants you for himself."
"Where is that Norwegian side of beef anyway?" Roger asked, looking around.
"He is in the back room waiting for you," Rood wind whispered.
"Ooooh!" the little queen squealed and ran out toward the dance floor.
"What got into him?" Jennifer asked.
"Nothing . . . yet," Rood said with a grin.
"Did you find out anything?" Scott asked.
"Not yet," Jennifer admitted.
"Leave it to me. I have a plan," Rood said as he saw Melcot and Akuta returning. He got up from the table and intercepted them, taking Akuta aside. They appeared to argue for a few minutes, then Akuta stormed off toward the dance floor.
"What's wrong with him?" Jennifer asked as Rood came back to the table.
"Oh, he is just off in search of a good time."
Scott was becoming increasingly concerned about Akuta, but Rood assured him that it was part of his plan. "Akuta is obtaining the information we need from the delicate man. Interrupt them not. He shall return when he has what we need."
"Is he using the deep communication?" Scott asked, referring to the almost telepathic skill the elves had in communicating by linking mentally on a deeper level.
Rood smiled his lop-sided grin. "As I know Akuta, I am sure it shall be deep."
Meanwhile, Clive had begun to show slight signs of sobering up. "What did you drink?" Jennifer asked him.
"Some man gave me a little vial. He was inhaling the vapors from it. Was I supposed to drink it?" the wood elf asked her.
"No!" she corrected. "But under the circumstances, I don't think you should try sniffing it again, either."
"My head hurts," Clive complained. "May I please have something to drink?" Rood handed him the glass that was sitting in front of Scott. At the moment Scott was not paying attention, busily scanning the room for some sign of Roger and Akuta. "This tastes of greenberry juice," Clive said as he perked up. "What is it?"
"Oh my God. That's my gin," Scott said, taking the glass away from him.
"One drink isn't going to kill him," Jennifer said.
"You don't know," Scott countered. "Jen, you've got to remember. They aren't human. We have no idea what these drugs will do in their bloodstreams."
"It doesn't look like it hurt him," she said, glancing at Clive.
He was sitting up, looking much more alive than he had in quite some time. "Would you dance as my partner?" he asked Caseldra.
"I would like very much to dance," she answered. "But I think it would look odd for you and I to dance together as partners. This is a social place for reversals. Maybe Jennifer would dance as my partner?" She turned a questioning look on the human girl.
"Well, alright," Jennifer replied and the two of them got up and headed onto the dance floor.
"But who will be my partner?" Clive asked in a disappointed tone.
"I think you've had enough excitement for one night," Scott told him.
"Scott Quartermain! I don't believe it! I thought you were dead!" This was getting old. Scott turned around to look straight into a face he never thought he would see again. Alex stood looking at him, wearing a big smile and showing his all too perfect teeth. Alex Madison and Scott had been lovers for a short time until Alex decided to follow is dream of being an actor and moved to California. Scott finally realized that the only person Alex really loved was Alex. Scott had a hard time getting over him when they finally split, even though Scott realized it was for the best. And now here he was, still looking as perfect as ever from his perfectly styled red hair and robust complexion down to his trendy Hollywood suit and Italian shoes. "I read about some accident in the newspaper that said you were killed by lightning or something," he said as he slid into an empty chair.
"It was obviously a mistake," Scott replied, wishing he would get up and leave again.
"So it seems. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" Alex asked. Scott quickly made introductions around the table. "Those are odd names. Are you from out of the States?" Alex persisted.
"Yes," Scott spoke up for them. "Way out in fact. They're . . . they're from Brazil."
"These two are too Aryan looking to be Brazilians," Alex observed. "Are you here for the fair?"
"Fair? I love fairs," Clive said as he rocked back and forth in his seat.
"If you please, excuse our departure. I shall take my friend outside for some fresh air," Melcot said, getting up quickly and stepping to Clive's side.
"Are we going to join the dance?" Clive asked as Melcot helped him to his feet. The two of them headed across the room to the door.
"So where did you pick them up? You were never the type to just pick up a trick. And are you here for the fair?" Alex repeated.
"What fair?" Scott asked.
"The fantasy fair. Where've you been anyway. It's the only thing that's been in the local paper for the past two weeks," Alex explained.
"I've been away . . . in Brazil, making new friends, better friends," Scott replied a little bitterly. "And speaking of which, I thought you were in L.A. making it big in show biz."
Alex looked visibly shaken. "I was," he admitted. "I did a few things. But right now I'm kind of between jobs." They sat quietly for a time.
"I shall go find Akuta," Rood finally said as he stood. "He must be finished . . . getting the information by now. It was good to meet you, my lord." He nodded a polite bow to Alex and left.
"My lord? He's good. Will he be in the parade tomorrow?" Alex asked.
"Parade?" Scott repeated.
"The big parade that kicks off the fair," Alex explained. "I'm going to be on one of the floats, dressed as Apollo." He suddenly brightened. "Hey, why don't you join me. You can be my Adonis."
"I don't think so," Scott said, feeling decidedly uncomfortable. "Look, Alex. I'm kind of attached."
"Oh, the big Brazilian?" Alex said, disappointment written on his face. He reached out to take Scott's hand. "You know, I've really missed you."
"Look, Alex, I don't think this is such a good idea. After all, Robin's really the jealous type and . . ."
"Robin? You didn't introduce me to anyone named Robin." Alex said.
"Well the truth is, he isn't here tonight but . . ." Scott could feel his face growing hot.
"It's okay. How about a dance for old time's sake? They're playing our song." Scott was trying to think of an excuse when his friends suddenly descended on him.
"Scott, we have to go," Jennifer said as she grabbed his arm. Rood, Akuta and Caseldra stood nearby.
"Well, hi to you too, Jen," Alex called a little sarcastically.
"Hi, Alex. Bye, Alex," she said as she quickly pulled Scott out of the chair and off toward the door. "I have never been so embarrassed in my life," she muttered under her breath. As soon as they got outside Scott asked her what was wrong. "What's wrong? Why nothing at all. Only your friend Rood comes out onto the dance floor and grabs my hand, and pulls me into the back room. Do you know what goes on in there?"
"Well, as a matter of fact . . ." Scott began.
"And why does he drag me into this room full of semi-naked men in the middle of God know's what? Because Akuta can't seem to figure out how to get his zipper up!"
Scott stared at the two guards. "The one you called Roger said he would only give me the information if I . . . coupled with him," Akuta explained. He was obviously dying of embarrassment and would be bright red if fairies had read blood. As it was, he was turning a delicate shade of blue as he blushed. "The zipper device was jammed and I could not understand how to repair it."
"It was my fault," Rood said apologetically. "I was the one who arranged for Akuta and Roger to meet in this fashion. I thought it would make a good jest."
"A jest!?" Akuta turned angrily on Rood. "I was forced to couple with another male so you could make a jest?"
"Were you not enjoying it?" Rood asked with a smile on his face. Scott and Melcot both had to grab Akuta to keep him from attacking Rood.
"And as if that isn't enough, we turn to leave and there's Caseldra staring at two guys who were making it in the corner."
"I had never seen males coupling before," she said meekly. "I found it very educational."
"What of the information?" Melcot asked Akuta. "Obtained you anything useful?"
"Yes," the angry guard answered. "We are to meet some woman called Hecate at a fortune teller's booth tomorrow at a fair."
"It's been a long night. Can we go home now?" Jennifer asked as Caseldra tried unsuccessfully to make up with her.
"Yes, all we need is . . . Clive," Scott said, suddenly realizing their other member had disappeared again.
"There he is," Rood said, pointing across the parking lot. Clive was being held by and passionately kissing a skinny man in jeans and a tank top.
"Great," Scott grumbled and headed across the lot with his entire party in tow. Reaching the two men, he roughly pulled them apart.
"Ellenia," Clive murmured as he fell back against the side of a beat up, old, brown panel van, his eyes closed. "You feel different, but you still kiss as good."
"Hi, guys." It was Manny, the cab driver who had been in the tight clinch with the wood elf. "I got tired waiting for you at the Watering Hole so I got in my van and came here."
"Your van?" Jennifer asked, eyeing the rusty old vehicle.
"Yeah," Manny replied.
"Then you can drive us home," she said, pulling the side door open.
"All right!" Manny exclaimed as he dug in the pocket of his too tight jeans for the keys.
"Oh and Manny," Jennifer said as she climbed into the vehicle. "Clive's married."
"That never stopped me before," the cab driver quipped back.