This story contains some explicit scenes of erotic love between males. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
The story is set in the fictional city of Trenton, New Jersey. Yes, there is a real city by that name, but other than being a state capital on the Delaware River, it bears little resemblance to the city in this story. While a few of the places mentioned may exist in reality, all of the characters and events are fictitious.
Chapter Twenty-Three
For the next couple of days all I could think of was Chipper. I couldn't imagine why I was obsessing over him like that. Something had just clicked between us. I tried to compare it to the way I'd felt toward Marcus when I first met him. There was something different, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I discussed it with Norman over dinner on Monday and he attributed it to different feelings about different people, something that simple. That might have been it. As he'd said before, each person you meet is a new experience. You can't compare them. No two relationships are exactly the same.
But relationship wasn't the right word for this thing with Chipper. We'd barely met and we were only going to get to see each other one more time before he went home for the summer. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad about that. Marcus would be home from school in a couple of weeks and I was hoping he'd have good news for me. Our timing would really suck if just as he was getting his head together I was the one getting confused. One more date with Chipper might be just enough for me to decide if there were romantic possibilities there or if it was just a freaky physical attraction. I was glad we'd decided to meet in the afternoon so we could spend quite a bit of time out of bed getting to know one another.
All of those plans were thrown into a tailspin on Tuesday morning when I made my weekly check-in call to Nancy at the law firm.
"Jerry, I'm so glad you called. I was just about to call you."
"Why? I'm not late. I haven't done anything wrong, have I?" I'd followed Mr. Boyle's instructions and called Nancy every Tuesday morning without fail.
"No, it's nothing you've done, but I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you. Your aunt passed away early this morning."
I felt a tightening in my throat and choked back a sob. I moved my lips but couldn't get any sound to come out of my mouth.
"Jerry? Are you there? Are you all right?"
I took a couple of deep breaths and tried again.
"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess. What happened?"
"Apparently she died in her sleep. She'd been doing poorly lately, you know."
"Yes, I was there a couple of weeks ago and she was looking so thin and weak. She didn't suffer any, did she?"
"They said that she passed peaceably."
I was quiet for several seconds, trying to get my brain to work. "So what do I do now? There are things I have to take care of, right?"
"There's very little for you to worry about, actually. Mrs. Farrell made her arrangements years ago and we'll make sure everything is the way she wanted it. The service will be at Briggs Funeral Home in Chester. Are you familiar with it?"
"Yes, they're the ones who handled my mother's funeral."
"I just spoke to Mr. Briggs and he suggested a single viewing Friday afternoon from three to five and the funeral service itself Saturday morning at ten. How does that sound to you?"
"That's okay. I'm not working Friday." Of course that meant I couldn't see Chipper, but there was nothing I could do about that.
"Do you have someone in the Chester area you can stay with?"
"No," I said quickly. "No one at all."
"All right, Mr. Briggs recommended the Best Western down the block from the funeral home. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?"
"Yeah, that would be great. I've heard you need a credit card to make a reservation and I don't have one."
"Don't you worry about a thing, Jerry. Everything is taken care of with the funeral home and Mrs. Farrell had a short list of people she wanted notified. We'll handle that. You just have to be at the funeral home at three on Friday. I'll take care of the rest."
"Thanks, Nancy. I really appreciate it."
"Don't mention it, Jerry. If there's anything you need just call. I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Thanks again."
I put down the phone and picked up the picture of Mom. As I looked into her eyes the tears started running down my cheeks. I put the picture down, threw myself onto the bed and sobbed into the pillow.
I went to my classes in the afternoon but couldn't keep my mind on them. When I got home and started dressing for work I took a look at my suit. It was still in the plastic bag from the cleaners so I didn't have to worry about that. I hung a clean white shirt in the bag with it. I then checked out my shoes and realized they were going to need polishing. I thought about all the stuff I was going to have to carry with me and knew the train would be a problem. The only luggage I had was my old knapsack. I picked up the phone and called Norman. I still wasn't comfortable asking for help but it was a little easier with him. I gave him the news about Aunt Aggie and told him about the arrangements.
"I need a huge favor, Norman. Would you be able to drive me down to Chester on Friday? My suit and stuff will be a mess if I have to carry it all on the train. You could just drop me off and come right home. I can take the train back Saturday. It won't matter how much my stuff gets wrinkled then because it will all be over."
"Don't be silly, Jerry. I'm not going to leave you to go through all of that on your own. I'll stay the night, go to the funeral and drive you home afterward."
"I couldn't ask you to do that, Norman. That's too much."
"Nonsense. This is a terrible time for you. You shouldn't be alone. Tell you what, why don't you come over and stay here the rest of the week?"
"Thanks, but I've got work tonight, the shelter tomorrow and then work again Thursday. I'm not going to be alone all that much."
"Well, if you're sure, but if you need to talk to someone please call me."
"I will. I had my cry earlier so I think I'll be okay."
It wasn't until I was at the restaurant that I realized I hadn't called Chipper to cancel our date. When things got slow late in the evening I went into the supply closet and called.
"Hey sexy, what's up? Tell me it's that huge flagpole of yours."
"Afraid not, Chipper. I'm at work so no playing around. I hate to do this but I have to cancel this weekend." I explained about the funeral.
"Oh man, I'm so sorry, She was all the family you had, right?"
"Yeah, she was it. From now on it's just me, the only Walton left."
"Well, look, I'd really love to see you again before I leave but I understand this takes priority. Call me if you need to talk. I mean that."
"Thanks, Chipper. We can talk over the summer if you want."
"Yeah, and maybe you can come down and visit."
"Oh, I'm sure a visit from a Yankee waiter boyfriend would go over really well with your family."
"Maybe you're right, Coy. Let's just talk on the phone. Before you go, what's the funeral home? I want to send flowers."
"You don't have to do that. You didn't even know Aunt Aggie."
"No, but I know you and I want to send flowers."
I gave him the information and went back to work. Maybe it was for the best. Chipper was the closest to my age of all the guys I'd slept with, but there were too many obstacles to our pursuing a relationship. He lived hundreds of miles away and he intended to get married and go into the family business. At nineteen, he already had family obligations.
Friday morning I packed up all of my stuff and then counted my money. I'd just spent a little over a hundred dollars sending flowers to the funeral home but I still had eight hundred left in my savings, most of it from Derek. After my experience when I first arrived in Trenton I didn't like carrying a lot of money around with me but I wasn't much more comfortable leaving it in my room. I had hundred dollar bills hidden in pockets of various pairs of pants and shorts and two more in my schoolbooks. I figured if anybody broke into my room they probably wouldn't find all of them. I took three hundred with me to pay for my hotel room, meals and gas for Norman's car. I decided that when I called Nancy the next week I was going to ask her if there was some way I could open a bank account.
Norman picked me up at eleven. It was only an hour drive but we wanted to have time to check into the hotel, have lunch and get ready before the viewing. We'd only been on the road ten minutes when I decided to ask Norman about something that had been bothering me.
"Do you think I'm a slut, Norman?"
"A slut? What are you talking about?"
"Well, eight months ago I was a virgin, waiting to fall in love with Mr. Right before having sex. Now after such a short time I've had sex with thirteen guys and I'm still not even in a relationship."
"Thirteen guys? What are you talking about?"
"Well, there's Marcus and Manny. And then when I was selling blowjobs in the park there were seven guys. So that's nine. This year there's been Derek, Patrick, Dave and now Chipper. That's a lot of sex with a lot of guys."
"Well, it is and it isn't. It's more sex partners than many people have in a lifetime but it hasn't really been casual sex. I wouldn't even count the seven in the park. Ten minutes on your knees when you're desperate isn't exactly wanton behavior."
"Yeah, but that still leaves six in eight months. That's a lot."
"Let's take them one at a time. You wanted, and still want, a relationship with Marcus. You have strong feelings for him. Manny was the best friend you'd ever had in your life up until that point. Derek, for all my misgivings about him, has been a good friend and advisor to you. You dated Patrick for several weeks and tried to get a relationship going with him. Dave and Chipper were one-time things but even they weren't casual sex. Dave befriended you at one of the lowest points of your life and gave you advice that might have prevented something terrible from happening to you in the park. And Chipper is another unusual one. You had an instant rapport with him aside from that odd narcissism. That isn't something you're going to run into every day."
"So I'm not a slut, then?"
"No. Maybe if you continued to have sex with that many men every year you'd be one, but so far I don't think you're in any danger. Besides, even though you haven't told me all of the details of every time, I'd guess your grand total of sexual experiences with these six men is less than twenty-five. That's not a lot for a year."
I thought about what he'd said. I'd told myself some of the same things but I knew I was just making excuses. Hearing it from Norman made me realize they weren't just excuses, though. Maybe I wasn't a slut.
We got to Chester too early to check into the hotel so we went to lunch first and by the time we got back they let us check in. Norman had reserved his own room even though I'd told him he could stay with me. There were two double beds in each room, after all, but he decided we'd both be more comfortable in our own rooms.
Norman and I walked to the funeral home since it was so close. He looked so dignified in his dark suit. I was glad Derek had bought me my suit when he did. At the time I couldn't imagine ever having a need to wear it again. When we approached the door of the funeral home all of the memories of Mom's funeral came flooding back into my mind. I stopped ten feet from the door, shaking, unable to go any further. Norman was at the door before he realized I wasn't next to him.
"What's the matter, Jerry? You look as white as a ghost."
"I don't know if I can do this, Norman. This is where my mother's funeral was. I wasn't looking forward to this anyway, but it's so much harder than I thought."
He walked back and put his arms around me in a warm hug.
"I know, Jerry. The loss of a loved one is one of the most hopeless feelings we experience, because there is nothing we can do to change it. But we shouldn't dwell on the loss. We have to remember all of the love we experienced when we had that special person with us. Think of how much your mother loved you, how much Aunt Agatha loved you. Think of how much you loved them. That love continues because it's within you."
"I know, Norman. I'm usually pretty good at remembering the good instead of the painful. But being at this building again brings back all of the pain." I took a deep breath. "I can do it, though. I can get through this."
"Just remember you're not alone. I'm here for you for whatever you need."
He kept his arm around my shoulder as we walked into the building. I breathed a sigh of relief when I discovered that they had Aunt Aggie in the larger room. Mom had been in the smaller one. Mr. Briggs met us in the front hall. He explained that he would greet people as they came in, but as the only family member I could do that as well if I wanted to. Or I could take a position inside and greet people there. I was tense and feeling a little restless so I decided to do a little of each. I started off inside the room.
When I walked in I stumbled when I saw the casket open in the front of the room. I walked past the rows of chairs until I was just a few feet from her. People always say dead bodies look peaceful, or like they're sleeping. I thought Aunt Aggie looked artificial, overly made-up. She looked thin and old, but she was still Aunt Aggie. I knelt down at the side of the casket and leaned my forehead against it. I was never much for praying and I wouldn't know what to say anyway, so I just silently thanked Aunt Aggie for all she had done for me, for all she had given me.
When I stood up, Norman gave me a handkerchief to dry my tears. It was going to be a weepy day, I could tell. I walked over to look at all of the flower arrangements. The two largest were from Boyle and O'Hanlon and from the staff of Chester Manor Nursing Home. I found the one that I had sent. Right next to it was one with lots of white lilies. The card said Chipper Johnson. On the end was Norman's. There were some smaller arrangements scattered about from people I didn't know.
In the first half hour a lot of older people came. I recognized some from the old neighborhood. They came in, spent a minute of two in front of the casket, some standing, some kneeling, and then came over and introduced themselves to me. Some left right away, but some took a seat and chatted quietly among themselves. A little after three-thirty a large group of employees of the nursing home arrived, led by Eleanor. She held me in a hug so tight I could barely breathe and we cried together a little.
People kept arriving, more than I would have expected. I had no idea Aunt Aggie had had so many friends, but then her life was already winding down a bit when I was born. I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic in the room so a little after four I took up a position in the hall just outside the door. Norman followed me out.
"The music they're playing is really depressing. I'm sure Aunt Aggie didn't pick that out."
The music was very faint background stuff and sounded like dreary violins.
"I'll talk to Mr. Briggs. Maybe they can change it."
Norman went over to him and they talked a minute. I saw him reach in his pocket and then hand him something. Damn, he had to tip the guy to get him to change the music? When he came back he was smiling.
"Your aunt chose the music for the service tomorrow but didn't specify anything for today so they just picked something generic. He'll change it."
A minute later the violins stopped and then a piano started playing. After only a few seconds I recognized it. Gershwin. I turned to Norman.
"You remembered what Aunt Aggie liked! I'm surprised they had something like this."
"They didn't. This is you, Jerry. I recorded you at the house a while back and brought the tape along. I thought it would be nice for you to play for your aunt one last time."
I threw my arms around Norman and began to cry again.
"Thank you so much," I sobbed. I was just getting myself under control and he'd handed me the handkerchief again when I heard the voice of someone I was hoping to avoid, the fat bastard himself.
"I mighta known you'd be bawling like a little girl." He looked over my suit. "Those lawyers are taking good care of you. Looks like the old bird had money after all."
"They didn't pay for this. I earned the money myself."
"Yeah, right, like I believe that. Anyway, it looks like you're all mine now, kid."
"What are you talking about?"
"The only reason that lawyer won was because your momma gave you to Aggie. Now that Aggie's gone, I'm the only one left."
"I wouldn't go back to you if my life depended on it. It's not going to happen, Ralph."
"Do I have to get a restraining order to keep you away from Jeremiah, Mr. Ferguson?" a voice behind Ralph interrupted. We both turned and Mr. Boyle was standing a few feet away.
"You've got nothing to do with the kid now, Boyle. Aggie was his guardian. You were working for her. Now she's gone so you've got no rights anymore."
"I think you should see an attorney, Mr. Ferguson. We both know the only interest you have in Jeremiah is this hallucination of yours that he's coming into an inheritance that you might get your hands on. You can spend your money on a lawyer to fight for custody if you want, but I guarantee that there is no money you will ever see out of this."
"We'll just see about that, shyster. I know my rights."
"Like I said, have your attorney call me. I'd love to waste your money but I don't think your lawyer will let you do that. Now if you're not here to mourn, get out."
Ralph turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that, today of all days."
"That's okay, Mr. Boyle, I'm just glad you came in when you did. I didn't expect to see you here."
"I wanted to represent the firm here and my wife has plans for me for tomorrow, so I came by today."
I finally remembered Norman was standing next to me. He hadn't said a word all through Ralph's tirade. "Oh, this is my friend, Norman Fredericks. Norman, this is Timothy Boyle, my lawyer. And that other guy was Ralph, my stepfather, but you probably figured that out."
"Yes, that seemed pretty clear. You have a lawyer, Jerry?"
"He's Aunt Aggie's lawyer, actually." I turned back to Mr. Boyle. "Did you hear what Ralph was saying about the custody? Is that true that he might get me now? I thought it was all settled."
"Actually, he had a point. Agatha was your guardian. We were only acting on her behalf. Technically, the court should appoint a new guardian now and Ralph might win this time."
"So what do I do now?"
"I'm going to try to convince him that he has nothing to gain by trying to get custody. He wants money, not you, and there won't be any, so maybe he'll drop it. If he does go to court, we'll stall. After all, you'll be eighteen in five months and it will be a moot point then."
I heard Norman clear his throat next to me and when I looked he was almost glaring. I shook my head at him and turned back to Mr. Boyle. He gave me a comforting smile.
"I'm going to go in the other room and pay my respects. Why don't you take a minute and try to calm down? This must all be very stressful for you. I'll see you again before I leave."
As soon as he went into the room Norman turned to me. "Eighteen in five months? You're only seventeen? You were sixteen when I met you last summer?"
"Calm down, Norman. I don't like lying, especially to people I care about, but I had no choice. If anyone knew how old I was last summer I would have been sent back to Ralph. You just saw him. Would you want me to go back to that?"
"No, but you could have said something after all this time."
"Once I was eighteen I was going to tell everyone. Look, can we talk about this later? I'm just not up to it right now."
"Okay, Jerry, but you can be sure we are going to talk about it."
Norman went back into the room and I stayed in the hall, greeting more people as they arrived. When I glanced in a minute later I saw him talking to Mr. Boyle. I hoped he was asking legal questions and not telling Mr. Boyle about my sex life. Not that there was any reason he would, but I was a little paranoid about my guardian finding out I was sleeping around. After a while the two of them came back over to me.
"When you call Nancy on Tuesday she'll set up an appointment for you with one of our associates to go over Agatha's will."
"You're not handling that?"
He smiled. "We have over sixty attorneys with the firm, Jerry, most of them quite specialized. Your aunt's will is not a complicated one and you will be in good hands with the associate we've assigned to the case."
"Do I still call Nancy every week, though?"
"Yes, for now she's still your contact point for guardianship, although the associate may end up handling those issues as well. We'll let you know if we hear anything from your stepfather."
"Thanks again for everything. And thanks for coming today, too."
After Mr. Boyle left I checked my watch. Twenty minutes to go. I couldn't wait for it to be over. The few people still there were slowly leaving, stopping to say goodbye on their way out. It was nearly five when an elderly couple came in the front door and spoke to Mr. Briggs. He pointed to me and they came down the hall. They looked to be seventy or so. He was tall and thin with white hair. She was shorter and a bit plump. They both looked very old-fashioned and stuffy. The man spoke in a soft southern accent.
"Excuse me, the gentleman said you were related to Mrs. Farrell."
"Yes, she was my mother's aunt. I'm Jeremiah Walton." I held out my hand.
The woman gasped and put a hand to her mouth. The man froze for a second, but quickly recovered and shook my hand.
"I'm Jonathan Walton, Agatha's brother. This is my wife, Sarah. If you're Jessica's boy, we're your grandparents."
Now it was my turn to stare. These were Mom's parents, the people who had turned their backs on her when they found out she was pregnant with me. They'd never made any attempt to contact her or me since then. They'd shown no interest in us at all.
"So what are you doing here?" I tried to keep my voice even.
"Agatha left instructions with her attorney that we be notified when she passed. We didn't even know she was ill. It's been years since we heard from her."
"You knew where she was. You could have tried to keep in touch." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"You don't know our history, son." I tensed up when he called me that. "There were a lot of harsh words on both sides."
The woman who was apparently my grandmother tugged on her husband's sleeve. "Let's not get into that, Jon. Not today." She smiled sweetly at me and then looked past me into the room. "Is your mother inside, dear?"
I choked. I couldn't believe it. These two bastards who had thrown us out and never contacted us didn't even know Mom was dead. I took a few deep breaths, trying to get myself under control. When I spoke it was through clenched teeth.
"If you were hoping to see my mother, I'm afraid you're a little late. She died nearly four years ago."
My grandmother let out a little shriek and pitched forward. Norman and I caught her just before her knees hit the floor but she just sagged in our arms. Mr. Briggs came rushing over and helped us carry her into an office where we placed her on a couch. He pulled some smelling salts out of his pocket and waved them under her nose. She sputtered a bit, opened her eyes and struggled to sit up. She looked up at me and began to cry. My grandfather sat down next to her, put his arm around her and glared up at me.
"You could have broken the news a little more gently, son."
"Please stop calling me that. I'm not your son."
"But you are my grandson. What happened to your mother?"
"Does it matter? If you cared, you would have known, you would have been here."
"We cared a great deal. If we hadn't cared do you think we could have sent her away?"
"What kind of garbage is that? Forget it. I don't want to talk to you. If you want to see Aunt Aggie, go ahead, but just stay away from me." I turned and strode out of the room hoping it wasn't obvious how much I was shaking. Norman was right behind me.
"You were pretty hard on them, Jerry."
"They deserved worse."
"They probably did, but it's not like you to be like that. Hating them won't bring your mother back."
"I know, and I don't hate them. It's been a struggle, trying not to hate them when everything I've ever heard about them made me want to. But Mom always said that hate backfires on you. It turns in on you and eats you up. So I don't hate them, but I sure don't like them either."
They only stayed for a few minutes. I managed to keep maximum distance from them at all times. Just before they left Norman spoke to them briefly. I asked him what that was about as we walked back to the hotel.
"They said they'd be at the funeral tomorrow and they'd like to talk to you afterwards."
"I have nothing to say to them."
"Oh, I think you have plenty to say to them but because you're a good man you don't want to."
"You're right. I'm afraid I'll just explode and tell them off. I have nothing good to say to them so I'd rather say nothing at all. They never hurt me because I never knew them. But they hurt Mom so bad. She rarely mentioned them in front of me but when she did I could see the pain in her eyes."
"How about just listening to them? I'm not going to say you should give them a chance. Maybe they don't deserve it. But you deserve to know why they did what they did. This may be your only chance to get answers."
"I don't know. I just get so mad every time I think of them."
"Sleep on it. You may feel differently tomorrow. Hear them out and you'll never again wonder why they treated you and your mother as they did. It may not make you feel better, but it will put the questions to rest."
"I know you're supposed to forgive people who do you wrong, but I've never been able to forgive them because it wasn't me they did wrong."
"You don't have to be superhuman, Jerry. If you can't forgive them, you can't. Just listen before you decide."
"I'll think about it."
"Okay, enough about them for now. Let's go get some dinner, my treat. There's a certain seventeen-year old I want to discuss with you."
To be continued.