Disclaimer: Do not continue reading if you are not 18 years old or you are offended by portrayals of male to male sex or the laws in your state or county forbid this type of material.
Copyright 2004 by the author. Do not reproduce or distribute this story without the author's permission.
Names, characters, locations and incidents are fictional. Any resemblance to actual events or locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
A Cowboy's Song - Seventh Verse
Out here on the range where the sky never ends, If you got any problems, you can count on yer friends, Yer saddlemate partners, the buddies you ride with, And eat with, and joke with, and bed down beside with. Whatever you need when yer drivin a herd, Don't matter if it's serious or jist plain absurd, You can jist ask a cowboy, whatever it is, And he'll kindly oblige you, as certain as piss.
Now I don't think I told you, so I reckon I will, `Bout the time what we met up with Buffalo Bill. We was out on the range one long lazy day When we sees these three riders a-comin our way. The tall, bearded fella, he tells us that he's Buffalo Bill Cody, jist as sure as you please. He was hirin real cowboys to put in a show About the Wild West, a big rodeo. Not them play actor fellers, no, he only employs Bonafide injuns and jen-wine cowboys. We aint ones to argue. We're not them nitpickers, But the two guys with Bill looked like city slickers. They was scrawny and pale with tight little faces And three piece suits, ties and tiny suitcases All filled up with papers, like asskissin toadies. We learned they was lawyers of Mr. Bill Cody's. They was always a-whisperin and writin, you know, While Bill was describin his Wild West Show: "It's excitin, spectacular, truly sensational And also, I tell you, it's real educational. Now I'm lookin to hire two fellas like you. I jist has to find out what all you can do. Can you stand in an arena a-throwin a rope And lasso a cow with it?" We said, "Nope." "Well, we got buckin broncos. How long can you ride? More than ten seconds?" "We never tried." "Can you stay on a bull with his balls tied up tight?" We says "No, now that jist doesn't seem right." "Can you shoot at a target while ridin yer horse? Can you race a chuckwagon around a race course? Are you clever at rope tricks or maybe gunslingin? Or how about yodelin or jist cowboy singin?" He crossed off the talents he had on his list "Now is there anythin else I have missed?" "Well, Mister, there's one thing, as a matter of fact, Which you might consider as part of yer act. It's somethin guys do in the Wild Wild West But my buddy and I reckon we is the best." "Now tell me what is it? This thing that you mention. Or better yet, show me . You got my attention. I always want new stuff to add to the lineup." And them lawyers got papers all ready to sign up. So seein this was our big Show Biz chance, My buddy and I, we starts droppin our pants. Then my buddy goes droppin down on all fours, While them two scrawny lawyers is droppin their jaws. "Now, hold on a minute," says the leetijus chorus, "Just what is you settin to demonstrate for us?" So we says to old Buffalo Bill, "Well, now shucks, We're goin to show you how a real cowboy fucks." So I started a-gettin my dick in condition While my buddy gets down and assumes the position. "Hold on," say them lawyers, "you can't do that outside!" "Why the fuck not, I got nothin to hide!" And I showed them my tool but still they said, "Whoa. We can't have us an act like that in our show. There'd be womens and chillun attendin each night Expectin a show that is moral and right, Not some sinful debauch and evil temptation." "But you said you're providin a real education!" By this time, my pecker was plowin his ass. We was givin a show that was truly first class. I imagined that we was performin on stage Surrounded by folks of every age Who'd waited all day for jist our appearin And now they was hootin and shoutin and cheerin, A-watchin us fuckin and tellin their sons "You see that there, boys. That's how it is done." And when comes the time for my insemination The entire audience gives a standin ovation. Well, when I'd finished my fuck and opened my eyes Old Bill he was gone with them two lawyer guys. Now wheres I come from, we consider it rude To walks out afore the show is conclude. When it comes to Show Biz, one fact is for sure, There's jist no accountin for taste any more.
Yep, out here on the range where the sky never ends, If you got any problems, you can count on yer friends, Yer saddlemate partners, the buddies you ride with, And eat with, and joke with, and bed down beside with. Whatever you need when yer drivin a herd, Don't matter if it's serious or jist plain absurd, You can jist ask a cowboy, whatever it is, And he'll kindly oblige you, as certain as piss.
Note: If you enjoyed this cowboy tale in verse, and would like to see further installments, let me know.