Copyright 2000 by, by_guy@email.com
"Would the defendant please rise and face the court. James William Scott, you have been tried and found guilty of the following charges:
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Marrying a sweet caring woman knowing that you had lustful desires for men.
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Bringing three children into this world having a bisexual father.
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Having sexual relationships outside your marriage with other men.
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Letting others fall in love with you without the hope of having a relationship.
Do you have anything to say before the court passes sentence?"
"Yes, your honor, I am sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused others. I only wanted to be loved and give love. Yes I love my wife and children but I always needed and longed for the love of a man. I could never give up my family so I had brief encounters with men when ever I had the chance. I was unfair to my family and to the men I met along the way. I still need a man to love and understand me."
"James William Scott, It is the decision of this court to sentence you to Small Cell Lymphoma, Your sentence will run from seven to ten years. You will endure weeks and hours of Chemo therapy and other treatments, loss of hair and muscle tone, constant battles with infections and illness. You will loose any appeal that you may have had to the male sex. Your sex drive will remain but you will have lack of performance. You will continue to search for a man to love you but will fail to fulfill your secret desires."
The sound of the gavel echoed through the court room as it hit the desk. I awoke in a sweat, not unusual for a person with cancer to have night sweats.
Yes, it was only a dream but it was all real. The judge was my oncologist and the verdict was cancer. This dream just happened five years after I had been diagnosed with small cell lymphoma and so far I had been serving the sentence as decreed.
My wife was wonderful and went to work in order to provide the medical insurance necessary to pay the bills. I was now disabled and unable to work so I spent most of my time working in the yard tending my lawn and flowers. I also kept active in the clubs which I belonged.
The relationship between the wife and I slowly deteriorated. The affection that was once between us became almost non existent. The love was still there but the caressing and caring for each others needs was gone. How I yearned for caresses, kisses, hugs, any kind of touching.
This was the moment I realized that I was bisexual. After the lack of intimacy with my wife I started having dreams about men. I don't know why I felt that I needed a man's love, maybe due to the lack of a father figure in my early years. I never had the bonding and love of a man in all my years.
I turned in my hour of need to the computer and the Internet. I had to find out what I was missing in life. I discovered a couple of gay erotic story sites and became engrossed in reading the stories there. Some were just sex and kind of disgusting to me, but I did find a couple of authors that really put love into their stories.
I even went as far as to correspond with them as I felt a love for them and a yearning for the love they placed in their writings.
If I could only reach out and touch them, hold and caress them, have them touch and kiss me and ease my pain. "Oh love where are you? Some one please reach out and touch me ease my new desires, and love me, love me."
The more I read the stronger my desires became. It was now that I had to do something more than just read of gay love, I had to try it. But where? Where do you find some to make love to and receive it in return?
I tried a couple of video theaters, you know the ones where they show the xxx rated videos in a dark room. Every one has their pants unzipped their cocks out and is playing with them self. Some times there was more action going on in the theater than there was on the screen. Sucking, butfucking, twosomes, threesomes, and more. WOW
I wasn't very successful at connecting with others. Since I am no longer a young stud no one wanted to take me home for a steaming round of love and sex. I did get a couple of blow jobs during my expeditions but never the love and tenderness I was so desperately searching for.
I returned to my computer and started writing stories about gay love. Although I didn't have the experience, I did have the fantasies so I started putting them into the written word. I think that some of them were actualy very good. They even made it to the nifty archive.
(To be continued.}
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by_guy@email.com