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Looking ahead to his plans for the next day, Brad suggested that they get to bed a bit early that night. He always work backwards on when Mike had to get up, and subtracting a minimum of 8 hours gave them bedtime. It didn't matter that it was Saturday night.
As soon as they got up the stairs and closed the door, Brad wrapped his arms around him, putting him in the soft, gentle protective embrace that he was getting good at.
`You OK pup? You hangin' in there?"
Mike's body was sagging a little from the stressful day. "Yea, I think so. It hasn't really been so bad, at least so far," he said, They both knew he was lying. He rested his head on Brad's shoulder, breathing deeply, taking in the scent. He was beginning to realize that it was the one thing that always calmed him down.
Letting out a deep breath, he continued.. "I really don't know what they'll think, babe. I can't imagine that they would totally reject me, but I guess you never know. It would hurt so much if they did that, but all I can do is hope that they don't."
There isn't a lot I can do about it, and your too big of part of my life to hide. I hate this not knowing, it just goes round and round in my head." He dug himself deeper into Brad's shoulder.
"This can't go on for a long time. God, I just want to have normal life with them, Brad, and this isn't the way to do it"
"I know, I know, babe. I wish I knew the best way to do this. But you know what a failure I was at it, so I don't know what to tell you the best way is." Brad noticed that when Mike was home that his slight accent seemed to get a little stronger.
Mike pulled his head away and looked into Brad's eyes. "You did it the best way you knew how and tried to be honest about yourself and your life. That's the only thing that you can do, and if they can't accept it it's their problem and their loss." Loosening his hands from Brad's grip, he reached up and stroked hair "I could probably learn something from that."
"Maybe, but probably the biggest lesson might be that they're going to think whatever they want to think, no matter how sensitive you try to be. Just remembered one thing, though."
"What's that?" Mike replied.
Embracing Mike again, pulling him tight against his chest and rubbing their cheeks together, he whispered into his ear, "whatever happens, I'll be there for you. I'll never let you go."
Mike just squinted his eyes and returned the hug.
For the first time in the last few nights, Mike seemed to sleep soundly. Hi recent sleep had been restless, mostly because of this visit home, Brad thought. Mike said he could almost never remember dreams, but Brad was pretty sure of the cause. Maybe their chat had helped him at least for this one night.
After lunch on Sunday, Brad found himself in an interesting history discussion with Mr. Kovar. It was a bit uncanny as he realized how similarly Mike and his father argued. Both of them were clear, logical and relatively unemotional, except maybe when you got to something that they really felt some moral point was at stake. Both of them were very much champion-of-the-underdog types who saw history from this perspective.
It's also where Mike got his tenaciousness, Brad thought, and then smiled to himself. Mr. Kovar could make some very good points, and they were amplified by his rigorous logic, just like Mike. He was learning how to argue points successfully with Mike, especially laying on lots of facts, and Mr. Kovar was just as tough.
But this is where Mike also got his weak points, too, Brad thought. Like a lot of people, he was credential conscious, and sometimes thought of himself as an expert just because he had title or certification in some field or related endeavor, and you were supposed to accept an opinion as fact just because of this. Skepticism of authority was one of Brad's innate characteristics, and he would even challenge Mr. Kovar if he thought he was leveraging his opinion based on the authority argument.
After almost an hour banter, on Czech historical subjects ranging from the Battle of Green Mountain to the communist revolution in the late 1940's, the senior Kovar was impressed with Brad's mind and judgment. He seemed to be able to hold onto a complex thought for a long time, argue his points, and do it without betraying emotion. Just like Mike. He did think that Bad was a little sloppy and cavalier sometimes, though, very American. He decided he'd work on that with him.
It didn't surprise him that Mike would find a friend in this guy. He didn't always agree with his son, but did respect his judgment of people. Ever since high school, he had seen how difficult it was for Mike to make friends. Since the betrayal of many of his schoolmates he had become very distant from most people because of his emotional defensiveness, and his sharp mind drew an even smaller circle around the pool of people that he could interact with and become close to.
There was something special about this guy, though, that Mr. Kovar also sensed over the past day. More than a person would expect out of a simple friendship, Mike was really attached to this guy. He saw how Mike always asked his opinion about just about everything, from food to when they would go to bed. They were the kind of questions, and there was an acceptance of the answers, that only came with a unusual level of confidence and trust in someone.
While they were involved in their discussion, Mike was able to get a few moments alone with Hana. Not without some playful resistance, knowing what he wanted to talk about, she finally followed him upstairs to his room. The worked their way around the air mattress on the floor, with Hana on the bed and Mike in the chair at this computer table, next to one of the dormer windows which made the room very light. These were positions that they took many times before.
"So, where do you think there heads are on this, Hanka, on Brad and me?" He asked this in a very earnest way.
"I don't know, Mirek. I can't imagine that they'd freak, but they could. They've invested so much in you, in both of us, that throwing it all away doesn't make sense. But they could get cold, or just try to ignore it." She looked out the window, her eyes focusing beyond him.
"That would really suck, though," she continued. "For us to have any real family, we have to be honest about who we all are, and either accept it our reject it, but at least acknowledge reality."
"Yea, I know what you mean, I just want to scream `say something, say anything, just don't ignore it like this," Mike said.
"Well, I'm not sure that there ignoring it right now. they probably just don't realize that anything is happening, but if anyone had any clue at all it would be obvious."
"What do you mean? I don't think that either of us are so obviously gay," he said a bit defensively.
"Not gay appearing," she said, smirking, " but as a couple. Mirek, you are obviously hooked on him. The way you look at him, talk to him. And, by the way, Mom mentioned to me about how you seem to have changed, that you seem really happy. She doesn't know why, but she's glad."
"And Brad? Do you know that he practically jumped off of the couch when you very clumsily knocked down the shower caddy," she said, partially scolding him.
"I wow, I didn't realize that. Damn, I should have known, I need to be careful, I probably worried him." He said, reproaching himself. "I'll let him know that...
She interrupted him. "Mike, do you realize how crazy that foolish boy is about you. He hangs on your every word. And, might I add, on every morsel of food you eat, too. " She laughed, and Mike returned the smile.
"Yea, he's pretty strict with me, and makes it hard sometimes. But I know it's even harder on him. It just shows how much he cares. I hardly deserve him, Hanka."
"Funny, he says the same about you, that he doesn't deserve you. I don't think he does either, He's hot and could do a lot better....but that's what he's stuck with," she said as they both laughed.
Mike was amused, but returned to the serious subject at hand. "Any suggestions on how to approach them? I think I'm going to have to, sooner or later. For my own sanity, if for nothing else."
"I really don't know. I could test the waters for you, so to speak, if you want me to. Maybe just make some comments, just to get some reactions."
"Hmmm, maybe, let me think about it before you do anything. If they have even the slightest suspicion it could really set things wrong." Mike was initially enthusiastic about this idea, but he also thought that, in the end, it just needed to get out into the open in an honest way.
"Yea, you're probably right, though I just can't imagine them figuring this out, them being from another generation and all. Did they even have homosexuals back then? Weren't they invented in the 1970s?" She plopped back on the bed, laughing hard at her own joke.
When she finished laughing, though, her mood then change and she looked down at the ground and became very serious . "Mirek?'
"Yea?" He was concerned about her sudden change in mood.
"He really seems like a great guy. You're really lucky, and you really do deserve him." She smiled at her brother. But then she looked downcast again.
"I hope I find a guy like him, someday. I guess I really piss guys off, I don't know, I guess I'm a bit of a bitch sometime. But I'm not a bad person, am I? I really do want to fall in love and have a family, Mirek." She looked like she was about to cry and Mike quickly jumped out of the chair and went to her.
Stroking her hair, like he often did with Brad, he forced her to turn her face toward him. "Haninka, you're an incredible person, and I'm not saying that just because you've always been there for me. But you've got ideas and a great mind, and I think that I can say without prejudice that you're good looking, too."
She blushed, but continued to look back at her brother.
"There's a special guy out there for you, and I know you'll find him. Your never going to be popular with the run-of-the-mill guys because you're a lot more special than that." He said as he continued to comfort her.
"You're going to bowl some guy over some day, some guy you'll want. It'll just takes time. But I think that I can promise you one thing."
"What's that?"
"When it happens for you, it won't be quiet. It will be like an explosion, I know that!" he said, as he made a motion with his hands as if they were blowing apart.
They both laughed at he put his arm around her and led her down stairs.
"Thanks, Mirek., that helped." She said quietly.
"No problem. You did the same for me."
Mrs. Kovar watched both of the guys very closely that day, and really saw them with new eyes. Looking at her son in a different way than she had ever imagined, his actions made so much more sense. In fact, she saw a lot more, now that knew what she was looking for.
During lunch she noticed Mike sometimes looked at him for approval of what he was eating. Watching her son's eyes, he'd glance back and wait for him to nod before he ate the food. It also explained Brad's curiosity about Mike's favorite foods. Now that she thought back, it was almost like he was interrogating her, trying to find out as much as possible about his tastes.
Another interesting thing was that Mike was often poking Brad in the side, but in a very subtle way. You'd have to be looking for it to notice, but every time Brad gave Mike a nod and a smile, almost like he was thanking him for something. Once, it even looked like Brad was going to turn around and grab Mike but just caught himself. Kind of an extreme acknowledgement for something.
But just about everything about these guys said there was something special between them, it you looked for it. They often stood very close, and Brad especially spoke relatively softly to Mike, but in a normal volume to everyone else. They spent what seemed like virtually every minute together, only apart when they were taking showers. And their eyes. Whenever they spoke to each other, they looked directly into the other one's eyes, almost like there was no one else around.
The clincher however, happened that night.
After dark, she went outside to throw some eggs in her compost pile, to fertilize the soil for her upcoming spring garden planting. The guys had gone upstairs after dinner, ostensibly to chill for a bit before watching a movie on TV. As she was coming back in, she looked up at the dormer window to Mike's room.
With the lights on in the room you could see in very clearly. The shades were pulled to the side, as they would have been during the day, but the guys had forgotten to pull them closed when they came up later on. There was some moonlight outside, so she could also see the branches of the old cherry tree framing the view of the single large dormer at the back of the house.
Through the window. she saw the unmistakable silhouette of the two guys, holding each other, just standing there. She could tell that Mike had his head on Brad's shoulder, and saw his hand caressing Mike's head, rolling through his hair. Except for this action, they hardly moved, just stood their in each others arms.
In that place the Mike had spent so many lonely nights, where he holed up after coming home from classes in high school, he now found something else. How she wished at the time that she could give him some comfort, some companionship, do something for him. But in the end, she knew that it would have to be something that he would do for himself, something that he would find himself, that would give him peace and make him happy.
She gave a gentle sigh, pulled her jacked tightly around her, and went back into the house.
About 2:30 in the morning Brad found himself still awake. He wasn't nervous or anything like that. In fact, except for his anxiety for Mike he felt pretty good. The Kovars a had been as nice to him as they could be for a guest, and he wasn't asking for anything more than that.
He did find himself a bit hungry, though. Sometimes he focused a bit more on Mike eating properly than himself, and with all of the distractions and in a new setting, he didn't get quite enough at dinner. They all said make yourself at home, so after checking in on Mike to make sure he wasn't tossing and turning he put on a pair of shorts, stepped over the sleeping Tony, and quietly went downstairs to get a drink and a snack. Maybe some of that kolachy that Mrs. Kovar seemed to always have around.
As he got down the stairs and turned the corner into the kitchen, he was startled when he saw Mrs. Kovar sitting at the breakfast table. She was as surprised as he was, but she warmly welcomed him to the kitchen and insisted he sit down while she got him something from the pantry.
The table was in a small nook off of the kitchen, and had a single light above it, one of those simple ones with a big shade that glowed kind of a warm yellow color. Besides a small night on above the sink, it was the only light in the room. He was sitting in one of the modern metal frame chairs, which were a bit small for him but sized just right for Mrs. Kovar.
He protested for a moment, not wanting to take advantage of her hospitality, but she waved him to a seat and fetched some milk from the fridge and retrieved the kolachy from a secret stash, a place where she hid it from her family when she thought they were going through it too fast. She'd make an exception for Brad, though.
"Here," she offered as she placed the plate in front of him. "Please, enjoy. You must be hungry. I noticed you didn't eat a lot at dinner tonight." He was surprised that she noticed, but couldn't' imagine that she knew why.
She sat back down herself, and stirred some kind of hot chocolate, then placed the spoon back on plate before she took a sip."
"you couldn't sleep tonight, Bradley?" Like Mr. Kovar, she tended to use the long form of his name.
"Yea, a little bit. I was fine last night, but for some reason tonight I just woke up. I thought that maybe if I got a little snack it might put me out. I'm sorry to bother you though. I hope that I didn't disturb you."
"Oh, no please. I'm very glad to have the company. Mr. Kovar tends to sleep very soundly, so he's never good company when I'm awake at night," she said as she smiled. "Is Mirek sleeping OK?"
"Yes, he's fine Mrs. Kovar. I checked up on him before I came down, just in case..." Brad caught himself for a second. He didn't want to seem too maternal about Mike to his mom. But it was pretty darn hard, he thought. He did care about Mike and did check up on him.
She didn't say anything in response, just smiled and took another sip of her drink.
"Would you like to know more about him?" Brad wasn't exactly sure what she meant by this, or where it was going, but just assumed that it was a mom wanting to talk about her son, no matter who the audience was.
She was a bit nervous herself, but talked about Mike starting all the way from the beginning, when he started walking, talking, all of the pleasant, innocent stuff that she could tell anyone about her child. But Brad was mesmerized by it all. None of it was out-of-the ordinary kind of stuff, jut the usual things that happen to anyone growing up. But hearing about Mike, of course, made it special.
After going on for a while, however, she asked Brad a question that startled him.
"You know about his epilepsy, don't you Bradley?"
He wasn't sure exactly how to answer this, being a bit nervous about acknowledging too much about Mike's most intimate life. But he wasn't going to try to lie about this. She already knew something.
"Yes, I do. He told me a while back."
"Did it surprise you?"
"Um, yes a little, but it didn't make any difference in our friendship." Not exactly the truth, he thought. It had triggered a friggin' explosion in their relationship. Thinking that he had to add something to that sentence, that it really didn't make sense with his own feelings, he continued to blurt out more than he wanted to.
"Well, that's not exactly true. I worry about him some, if he's OK and all." He tried to play down the meaning of this, but wasn't very good at it. She could tell.
"Us, too Brad. We worry about him a lot. I'm glad to see that he has a good friend like you who cares about him, too." She put her cup down and stirred her drink.
"He's had it rough. This disease has not been kind to him, but he's been as brave a boy as he could be with all he's been through. He hasn't had many friends, or I should say good friends, and it's hurt him a lot." She looked of into the distance, almost not talking to Brad any more, as she said things that even startled her.
"We've done as much as we could, but he's really been the strong one in this."
"He's never gotten a lot of support beyond us, his family. In fact, we had to leave our home because of this." She continued somewhat absentmindedly stirring her drink, but made no effort to actually drink anymore.
"What do you mean? He asked.
She caught herself, too, she had really said too much, but for some reason she wanted Brad to know this thing, something Mike was only dimly aware of himself.
She finally took a sip and swallowed it with difficulty before she spoke. `Mike went through a phase when he was 8 when the seizures happened often and were really getting out of control. They didn't have lot of medications there, and so there wasn't a lot we could do, not that we would have wanted him on a lot of drugs, anyway." She paused and put down her cup and looked away again.
"They wanted to put him in mental hospital...." She was starting to get little emotional, but paused again and reigned herself in. "Yes, put him in a hospital, like he was crazy or mad. He would have spent his life there, but there was no way we were going to let that happen.
Brad turned white. He was stunned. "How could anyone even think about ever doing this to Mike?" he thought. He could hardly move.
She noticed his distress immediately and reached across the table to hold his hand. "I wanted you to know this, Brad. He's worth everything to us, and to people who love him.
"And I think your one of those people, Bradley. I can tell that you care about him."
Brad's head was spinning, It sounded like she really knew about him and Mike, and this was her telling him it was OK. But what could he say without talking to Mike? He knew how important this was to him and didn't want to screw it up.
He tried, but he could get any words to come out, just stared at her with his mouth open. He just started to say something when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Mom, he does, care about me, and I care about him. I...I ...didn't know how to tell you, uh..." He started to stumble, unable to get the works out the way he wanted.
She looked warmly at her son. "No need. It took me a day, but it's hard to hide these kind of things, Mirek. Your not as clever, and we're not as old-fashioned, as you think."
"Oh, and that goes for Hanka, too." She said as she reached over and held her son's hand.
"You never told me that I'm why you left." Mike quickly losing himself. He briefly lapsed into Czech, saying something that Brad didn't understand, but came quickly back to English. "I'm so sorry for causing you all this trouble..."
She could tell what he was thinking and immediately cut him off. "Mirek, if you have kids of your own someday, you'll realize what we did. Don't you ever, ever, think for a moment that we regretted anything." She had gotten out of her chair and put her hands on either side of is face, pinching his cheeks and shaking his head.
"Seeing the fine man that you've grown into is the only reward that counts. Mirek, we could talk about this over and over, but the fact is it's done and your father and I are very happy with the decision. And I never want to hear you say anything about this again. Understood?"
He looked down at the ground, then looked up again, into his mom's eyes. He shook his head up and down."
"Maybe I should leave you all alone." Brad said smiling as he got up out of his chair. "I'll be upstairs, Mike." They both looked at Brad.
"Oh, and don't step on me when you get into bed, OK?" They all smiled.
"Oh yea, er...uh...um one more..oh never mind. I'll see you in the morning." Brad was going to say something else, but thought twice and was about to go upstairs before Mrs. Kovar gently took him by the wrist.
"You were going to ask Mirek not to stay up too late, weren't you?" she asked.
"Um, yeah, sorry Mrs. Kovar, I didn't mean to be a pest about it. It's just gotten to be automatic, but I caught myself..."
She just looked at him. Pulling him close, she kissed him on both cheeks and whispered in his ear something that Mike couldn't hear, but that clearly touched Brad. After pulling himself together and returning her hug, Brad turned to Mike and gave him a tight squeeze and held him close for a moment. Then he went upstairs to bed.
When he got into the room, he noticed Tony laying on Mikes bed. His head was even on his pillow!
"Off!" He commanded. Tony gave his usual look around, the "are you talking to me?" look that he usually gave Mike, and again slinked off of the bed onto the floor.
Tony was a bit manipulative, though, and knew soft touch when he saw one. He curled up next to the bed and roll onto his back, practically demanding a tummy rub. Brad willingly obliged, good guy that he was, not yet having been around Tony long enough to know when he was being used.
"That dog's got you wrapped around his finger, too, huh? he heard Mike say as he entered the room.
Brad was a little surprised, He thought that it was a really a time for Mike and his Mom to have a heart-to-heart and didn't understand why they didn't take the opportunity. He got up from his knees and moved to the middle of the room.
"Hey," Brad said very quietly, . "I thought you'd take the chance to talk to your Mom. I'm really happy, it sounds like she's OK with things. But why didn't you stay down with her to talk?
"She said something real interesting to me after you left"
"huh...what?"
"Remember just now down there, when you said something about wanting me to get to bed?
"oh jeze, I'm sorry! Maybe she thinks I'm out of line, or trying to boss you around. I didn't meant to sound that way, I.." Brad thought that he had somehow messed things up.
Mike interrupted him, and at the same time reached up and ran his finger through Brad's hair. "No problem at all, babe. Just the opposite, actually"
"What do you mean?" Brad was starting to calm down a bit, but was still anxious.
Mike made a broad stroke through his hair, then rested his hand on his neck, looking straight at the perplexed Brad. "She said that.." Mike caught himself, suddenly emotional.
"....She said we could talk later, but that I shouldn't worry you. That I need to consider you first." He smiled and looked at Brad, continuing to run his fingers through his hair. Then he reached into the pocket of his shorts, blinking his eyes rapidly to hold back tears.
"For you, from Mom." He pulled a kolachy our of his baggy front pocket and placed it in front of Brad's mouth.
"Open wide." He whispered, aiming the pastry at the willing target.
As he chewed it, Mike gently bumped his forehead into Brad's and leaned into him. The guys stood there, heads touching. Brad thought that nothing ever tasted so good.