On the Day after Christmas, Mike heard his mom call him downstairs to the telephone. He couldn't figure out who it would be, but was anxious to find out since not many people called him at his parent's house anymore. He was still in touch with only a couple of his high school classmates but knew they were out of town, and most of his college friends were either at their parents' place or away on vacation.
"Hi, this is Mike," he said as he picked up the phone, standing at the bottom of the stairs and rubbing his dog's back with his foot.
"Mike, uh...hi, this is Brad North, from the other day in the café"
Mike thought quickly -- `Brad --oh wow, great!' His first thought was to make sure that Brad wouldn't feel awkward about calling during the holiday or before school started back up.
"Hey, Brad, great to hear from you! I'm glad you called. Hey, how did you track me down here at my home number, guy?"
Brad wasn't so sure it was a good idea to call, but felt a lot better from Mike's reaction. It had been a rough vacation for him so far, but he didn't want Mike to know that. He just thought he'd feel better calling him and maybe asking him to do something, in spite of the risk that Mike would think it was a bit premature in their friendship.
"it wasn't hard. I just looked up your last name in your city's phone book. There aren't a lot of Kovars, so it wasn't hard to find. I'm glad your name isn't Smith"
"Well, you're lucky there, Brad, because it actually does mean "smith" in Czech. I'm glad that you weren't looking in the Prague phone book," he said, laughing.
"It's great that you called. Vacation has been good so far, but I could always use more company." Mike wasn't sure what to say next, but wanted to keep the conversation going. "So, what are you up to now?"
"Well, I got some time on my hands, so I thought that maybe, if you're interested and not busy..." Brad said, full of qualifiers. He was still a bit nervous about calling Mike, and wanted to give him a graceful exit if he didn't feel comfortable. "....I though that you might want to go over to the Art Museum. They have a pretty decent collection of German artists, which you seem to like, but it's also just a cool place in general. I like to go there and be inspired. " He laughed as he said this, but felt like this weird nervousness was still in his voice. "Or we could do something else, though, if there's something else that you'd rather do."
"That sounds great! I like going there too, but isn't it more than an hour for you to get there? Isn't that too far?"
"Well, not quite that far, but I like the drive and wouldn't mind getting out of the house. You know, I think that you're actually on the way for me. Would you want me to pick you up?" It's probably too cold for you to ride that big Harley of yours!"
"Well, you're the first person that has mistaken my Honda for a Harley, but I'll forgive that," he chuckled, but at the same time appreciating Brad's ability to distinguish motorcycle icons at both ends of the spectrum. "Now, let me tell you how to get here."
Brad arrived at Mike's house about an hour later. The house was a 3 bedroom post-WWII bungalow on a small lot in the heart of one of the older ring suburbs. Not an impressive house by any means, but neat and tidy and very typical of the neighborhood around it. In fact it was one of those developments where all of the houses have the same floor plan, or a mirror image of it, with only decorative details distinguishing the Cape Cod' from the Colonial.' Although the houses were modest, an abundance of trees and landscaping had come in over the years to give it some character and flavor
From talking to Mike earlier, he knew that his parent's had been professionals of some kind before they came to America, but their limited English skills had submerged their professional talents. Things had gotten somewhat better in the last few years, but they were by no means affluent so Mike was obliged to work part-time while going to school.
Mike's sister had Hana, who was also on break from school, noticed him waiting, looking out the window. It was a little odd, she thought. Mike could usually be depended on to be late, at least for family events, and him being so punctual was a little out of character. He actually seemed somewhat anxious and nervous for some reason, too. Not one to let the out-of-the-ordinary pass without explanation, it put her on alert.
When he heard Brad arrive, he started putting on his jacket while looking through the front window as he got out of his pickup. There were a couple of neighborhood kids playing in the driveway as Brad pulled in, but they moved off into the front yard and continued playing. As he was closing the door, their ball had some spin and rolled toward him in a lazy curve. He picked it up and smiled..
One of the kids, a little girl probably not more than 7 years old, approached Brad, who got down on his knees and teased her by putting the ball behind him, then in front, then behind him again. Sensing her curiosity and interest, he tossed her ball back to her, and started playing a game of catch with some false throws to keep her interested. Squealing with laughter, she fell for all of his fakes, but finally approached and put her arms around him while trying to grab the ball that he had put behind his back. He was a pretty skilled athlete, and could even do this contortion with his bad hand. Mike watched this with amused satisfaction. He was touched that Brad seemed to connect so well with the kids.
As Brad smiled and laughed, a woman came storming out of the house next door, screaming at the little girl to get away from the strange man. Brad's face turned white as he got up off the ground, apologizing to the woman who grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her away.
As soon as he heard the scream, Mike knew it was their crazy paranoid neighbor lady and rushed outside, telling Mrs. Janowitz that this person was a friend of his and that everything was OK. The woman reluctantly calmed down but seemed only slightly appeased as she took the kids back to into her house, slamming the door loudly behind her.
"Hey bud, you OK? Mike notice that Brad seemed upset, more than he would have expected after such a minor dust-up.
"Yea, I'm fine Mike. Thanks for rescuing me. Daughter of Dracula just took me by surprise." They both laughed, but Mike was concerned for him, as he noticed that his good hand was shaking
Brad was relieved to be distracted from this encounter when Mike's family came outside to give them a sendoff. He got introduced to both parents and the 18 year old Hana. "Brad, these are my parents, and my evil sister, Hana," Mike said, with a sly grin at his sister.
"He meant his "enchanting," sister, but I'll let it slide. Please don't expect a lot out of my brother, Brad, then you won't be disappointed. And when you're at the museum, make sure that you read the labels slowly when he asks you what they say." The parent's were not amused, but Mike and Hana were both smiling.
Brad himself laughed at the sibling exchange, but also sensed behind it a real closeness between them. She made sure that Mike's jacket was straight and that his collar was down, almost like she was getting him ready for a date.
Only Hana knew the circumstances of how Mike knew Brad. They knew all about each others lives. He thought his parents would have freaked out if he told them what really happened, so he made up a story about getting hit by kickback from the table saw in the shop. He knew it was hard to make up any plausible story about a bruise on your face that didn't involve a fistfight, but thought this would do the job with his parents.
Mike's parents had each greeted Brad warmly, his mom holding Brad's hand in hers for a moment. "You've had a long drive here, you must be hungry. Would you like to take some kolachy before you leave?" she said in fluent but heavily accented English.
Brad looked quizzically at Mike and his Mom, and then Mike explained what she was talking about. "It's a kind of Czech nut role and it tastes great. My mom is the queen of these things, Brad, so you should give them a try."
"Nut role? Wow, sure, ma'am! Just pack it away Mrs. Kovar, and we'll take care of it!" He patted his flat stomach as they all laughed again.
Mikes Dad was older than his Mom, probably by about 15 years or so. She looked to be about 50, so that put him in his mid-60s. He also was very friendly in greeting Brad, giving him a very firm handshake, lingering perhaps more than your typical American guy. He complimented Brad on his choice of the museum, as he had a slight disdain for what he saw as the middle class emphasis on sports. Soccer was excepted, of course.
"What are you majoring in, Bradley?" Mr. Kovar asked him. He instinctively used the formal version of English names, even if he was introduced otherwise, as a sign of respect. Also, being a formal person himself, he was not comfortable with the presumed intimacy of the short form of English names.
"History, Mr. Kovar, with an emphasis on Modern Europe."
"Interesting. We must chat some day. I know something about History and would enjoy talking with a young student about it." Mr. Kovar himself did medical research but at one time also taught the History of Medicine to medical students, a job which he had loved but had to give up for reasons that Mike never really understood. "I hope that we see more of you."
"Thanks, Mr. Kovar. I hope so, too"
As the conversation went on, Brad got the distinct impression that the parents doted on the kids and were very close, unlike his own family. As they spoke, his mother had her arm around Hana, and she gave Mike a big hug before he left, which obviously embarrassed him though he didn't refuse it. Hana even whispered something which made Mike smile, but Brad couldn't hear what she said. In spite of his minor entertainment career dancing with Julie, his family knew his shyness and the reasons for it and was glad that he was making another friend.
Brad was also introduced to Mike's dog, Tony, a blue merle Australian Shepherd. This dog had basically grown up with Mike since he came to America, and even slept in Mike's bed. His mother didn't neglect to mention this personal tidbit, much to Mike's embarrassment.
Mike made sure to give Brad a treat for Tony so that he would like him, or at least be civil. He needn't have worried, however, as the dog got into one of his moods and started humping Brad's leg. Even after the humping stopped Tony rested himself on his foot, as Brad laughed to himself and wondered if this was some kind of sign. He was glad that he seemed to have passed the dog test.
Scrutiny by the dog wasn't the only examination that he was undergoing, though. Brad noticed that Hana had been looking him over and listening to him very carefully. But not in the way on older teenage girl, smitten with a guy, checks him out. It was more neutral than that, but nonetheless thorough.
He saw that her eyes kept darted between he and Mike, noticing how the guys reacted to each other. It all got Brad a little self conscious, as it almost seemed like she could see right through him and knew exactly what he was thinking. If she knew that he thought her brother was such a hot guy would she be pissed, he thought?
By the time introductions and small talk were done it was still only early afternoon, which gave them plenty of time to see the collection and maybe, Brad hoped, grab a bite to eat together. Taking some of the nut roll for the road, they got into Brad's wheels and were getting ready to shove-off.
Before they pulled out into the street, Brad looked over at his passenger. The bruise was almost all gone now. "How's the jaw, buddy. I was hoping that you were doing better and it looks that way. You feel OK?"
"Much better. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it for my folks, and luckily it's mostly gone away. I'm just glad that's over. What an ordeal. But who knows, maybe something good will come out of it."
`You and me both,' Brad thought to himself.
As they pulled away, Mike reached over and gave him a light punch to the arm. "And how are you doing, guy? How's the hand? Are you OK driving, or do you want me to drive?"
"Oh, no problem. Luckily, I'm right handed, so I'll be OK. But I'll let you know if I need help." The only help that he needed at that moment was to beat down another major erection. It was beginning to concern him that every time Mike touched him or got near him that he instantly got hard. He promised himself to work on controlling that.
"Was Santa good to you?" Mike asked.
"Oh yea, it was OK. Mostly books. There's not a lot they can get you when you get older. How about you?"
Brad seemed a little down when he answered. Maybe there was something here that he didn't want to talk about very much, so Mike told him briefly about what he had gotten, which was mostly stuff for school and some CDs, and then moved onto another subject. Brad's mood seemed to brighten up again.
Once at the museum they both had a great time looking at the art. Even though Brad was not trained in the visual arts, Mike was impressed with his sophistication and insights, and they spent the afternoon in spirited discussion. Brad got Mike to admit that just because he was being trained as an Architect didn't mean his opinions were any better informed, and that he might in fact have some aesthetic baggage. It got a little intense over some medieval religious artifacts, of all things, and about whether the quality was primitive compared to Asian artifacts of the same period. But their debate just seemed to increase their mutual respect for each other.
After the museum, Brad suggested that they grab a bite to eat, though he suspected that Mike would probably have a family commitment. But he surprised him by readily agreeing, though he called home first to let his parents know his new plans. They decided on a restaurant in the nearby Little Italy neighborhood that Brad had been to before.
Leaving their car at the museum, they walked through the neighborhood side by side, remarking on the historic structures all around them, from old churches and schools to former boarding houses that were now yuppie condos. The area was a somewhat hilly but made the walk very scenic, as they could look back down the streets and see the residential areas below and other neighborhoods, even a glimpse of the highrises of downtown in the distance. As they were in no hurry, they took plenty of breaks to look at interesting buildings along the way. Though they had stretched a short 10 minute walk into a half-hour stroll, it seemed like no time at all to either of them as they reached the restaurant.
"Go ahead," Brad said, opening the door for Mike. He put his arm gently on his shoulder to guide him in but was careful to not let it linger, though the temptation was almost too much. He practically had to yank his hand away.
It was a cozy place in a renovated old school building, with a whiff of "old world" atmosphere courtesy of fake beams and rough plaster. They both laughed and remarked on the schmaltziness of it all, agreeing that if the food was good it wouldn't matter but if it was bad if would taste even worse. It was pretty empty that night, since it was mostly a student hangout for the local college, and they were able to get a small window table at the back, looking out onto a courtyard on the middle of the block. Even in winter it was a pleasant view.
They both would have preferred family style, as they could sample as many different kinds of dished as possible, but since it was only two of them they agreed to order different items that they would share. Brad made sure that it was a place the they could both afford so there wouldn't be any unease on Mike's part about the cost. He didn't really know Mike's financial situation, but assumed that it was probably not much different than his own.
Dinner was every bit as enjoyable as the museum. The food wasn't terrific, but the company and conversation more than made up for the décor. In the end, it didn't seem to taste bad at all.
As they were finishing eating, a guy who looked to be on his way out approached their table and put his arms around Brad from behind. He was tall and good looking, about 6'-3", with a definite queeny streak. But he was also pretty muscular, as he hadn't put his jacket on yet and Mike could see his big arms and chest underneath a tight t-shirt. Brad was surprised but recognized the guy immediately. He began to get visibly nervous.
"Well, stud, how ya doing? Haven't seen ya in a while....and who's your boyfriend here, he's real cute..."
He continued the provocative teasing, massaging Brad's shoulders and grinding his crotch into the back of his chair, as Brad remained ramrod straight and didn't break a smile. It was becoming obvious to Mike that it was someone from Brad's past who was being acknowledged only awkwardly. Brad was trying to not be too rude but was doing his best to politely push the visitor away.
When he realized that the polite approach wasn't working, he finally took the direct route. "OK, OK, Arch. This is Mike and he's just my friend...so, it's been really great to see you again, but why don't you just take off now."
Brad was afraid to look at Mike as this was happening. It was almost his worst nightmare at this early point in their friendship. He didn't think Mike, or rather, didn't think he himself was ready to broach this subject yet. Brad did sleep around a lot, but that was in the past. He had something else on his mind right now.
It only took Mike a second to figure out what was going on and realize that his friend was upset. While it would have been funny in different circumstances he saw no humor in it now, seeing what it did to Brad. He wanted to let him handle it as he saw fit, but Mike gave Archie a look that was unmistakable in its hostility.
OK, OK, sugar...I get the point...but don't forget to call...." Arch said as he tapped Brad on the nose and smiled. As he was leaving, he looked at Mike. "Like to see you sometime, too, babe" and after a conspicuous wink he strutted away and walked out of the paneled wood door.
"Mike, I'm sorry that happened"
"Hey, no prob, Brad, no need to apologize."
Brad sighed. "Mike, I meant to tell you I was gay, but frankly it didn't seem important. I really enjoy just talking to you and just being friends, that's all." He paused and sighed. "Jeeze, why does this shit have to happen?"
"Mike, I don't broadcast it, but I'm not ashamed of it either. It's just who I am, please understand that." He paused and looked at the floor. "I wish my family understood," Mike noticed that Brad's' voice was cracking. He was so nervous that he just started rambling.
"Remember when I looked kind of upset when your neighbor yelled at me because I was around her kid?"
"Yea, you did look kind of shaken up. I wasn't sure why."
"I love kids, Mike. I'd love to have some someday, but my Dad and my brother Ralph, they think that because I'm gay that I'm some kind of crazy sicko. I have a nephew, Rick, who's now 6 years old and the cutest little kid. I used to go over to my brother's house and play with him, especially hide-and-seek. He loved that, especially when I got down and crawled around on my hands and knees and chased him around."
"Anyway, when my brother found out that I was gay he forbid me from coming over there because he said that I might molest his son. Molest him! There my only family, Mike, my parents, my brother and me. And they not only don't want me around just because I'm gay, but they accuse me of being a monster." Mike paused and sighed.
"Your neighbor reminded my of my sister-in-law yelling at me when they all first found out. They were all shouting at me, telling me what a godless pervert I was and that I was going straight to hell. Their church told them that stuff. I knew that I wasn't going to change and that's just the way I am, but it still hurt a lot."
"Oh yeah, and when you asked me about what I got for Christmas? I'm sorry that it didn't seem like I wanted to talk about Christmas presents, because it sounded like you had a really nice one," he said, wanting to make sure that he understood how happy Mike was.
"Well, they all gave me Bibles and told me to read them and change my lifestyle. Oh, yea, and they even turned my nephew against me and he gave me a Bible, too. Along with a speech that someone put in his head. I'm not sure the poor kid's heart was in it, but I doubt if they gave him a choice." This part made him especially sad.
"My home hasn't been such a fun place to be this vacation, or any other time for the last year or so," he continued. "I just try to stay away."
"I used to sleep around a lot, especially after falling out with my family. I guess I thought the physical connection made up for some of the emotional connection that I missed from the... what would you call it, estrangement. I had some fun, but it never made up for not having a family. Not that it bothered them at all." He looked up and Mike, then back down at the ground, almost ashamed at what he was saying. The grief and pain was all too apparent to Mike.
"It's also very ironic with my brother, you know. I'm actually the jock in the family, running track and playing baseball and volleyball in intramurals. I was always doing something athletic, even if it wasn't at the varsity level. Christ almighty, Ralph was the one who played clarinet in the friggin' marching band," he said, exasperated.
After saying all this Mike heard another sigh. Brad's long explanation was an unselfconscious effort to salvage what he could of what to him was a devastating state of affairs. But to Mike, his ability to pull himself together and calmly talk about such difficult experiences made him appreciate Brad's strength and character even more.
"Look, if you don't want to be friends anymore, I'll understand. But I hope that we can be. I really like you a lot as a friend, Mike, but if it makes you uncomfortable we could just..."
Mike interrupted and looked him straight in the eye, in a way that reminded Brad of the determined look he saw when he first held him in his arms back at the party. "Brad, you are a great guy, and it's too damn bad your family doesn't see that. You're smart, funny and a good friend. You know, you practically saved my life. So I don't care what you are or what other people say about you. You're my friend and I'll stick by you."
He reached across the table and put his hand on Brad's' shoulder and punched him in the rough, teasing way that he had done before, with a look that said everything it was OK. He really wanted to take Brad in his arms and comfort him, hold him, stroke his hair and tell him that everything would be all right. He couldn't make that leap quite yet, though was starting to understand that something powerful was starting to happen inside him.
"Thanks, guy. I didn't mean to dump all over you tonight, but I guess it all came out. I'm glad we're over this hurdle, though. I don't make it quite this far with a lot of people. "
They talked more about the evening and about the art and school and other parts of their lives. Brad felt a huge relief at being open and honest with Mike and it showed as he slowly but surely returned to his usual buoyant mood. Brad always hated these coming out scenes. Not that he didn't want to be honest with friends, but it was so darn stressful that he almost never looked forward to it. Having to explain who he really was, and risk a hostile reaction, was never easy for him, in spite of the fact that virtually everyone, with the notable exception of his family, were very supportive of him.
The fact that it was even an issue was the most galling thing about it to him. Why should he even have to mention it to anybody? Why does friendship of companionship or family relationships become contingent on who he has feelings for? At least it wasn't an issue for Mike. His reaction really made the evening extra special for Brad.
Mike was happy, too. He was actually ecstatic that Brad was gay, but wasn't ready to talk about himself yet. Not that he didn't feel like he should be open with Brad, because he felt he could really talk to him about anything, especially now. But another problem was arising.
If he was honest with himself, he was beginning to see that he was getting strong feelings for Brad, even after knowing him for such a short time. The day at the museum and at dinner was so much fun. They just connected so well and so naturally. Oh yea, and he was really hot, too.
But did Brad like him anymore than as a friend? He had been with a lot of partners so he probably wasn't shy when it came to picking up guys. So maybe their relationship was really just friendship. And could Brad deal with his other secret? Or would he walk away and not want anything to do with him like they did in high school? How would he know?